the computer overheating, which was so bad this morning, isn't a problem now. or not since this afternoon so, sometime after lunch it quit.
which is nice. still don't know why someone even does this to begin with.
It's like either manipulation for me to stay or not stay in a certain area or something. I don't get it. It shouldn't happen to my son.
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Hi Cameo. I found a great website that discusses paranoia.
http://www.psychforums.com/paranoid-personality/
"Okay, I'm just 15 years old , but anyway I'm kind of confused lately , because of how I behave and apart from that my parents want me to go see a psychologist , because they think I'm suicidal, but that's another thing. Anyway, I can remember episodes and phases in the past where I have definitely been overly paranoid, most of the time it was against my Mum, which makes sense to me as I have had a not so nice childhood, especially because of her. Anyway for example once, I refused to eat her food, because I was sure she poisioned it, I told her I was trying to loose weight, she accepted that for a while at least. And another time, I thought she was trying to hide that I was adpoted ( because I don't feel she's my real Mum even though apparently she is) and coloring my hair by putting hair dye into my shampoo, so I stopped using the shampoo I was using at that time and bought a new one which i kept hidden in my room and used. That was the last time something like this happened in such an extreme way, because one day a girl at school mentioned "paranoia" I looked it up, and sicne then I always try to avoid thinking that stuff and tell myself I'm just making it up, even though it sometimes doesn't work. I also once believed people at school were trying to put drugs into my water bottle so I always kept it with me and threw it away if there was any chance that they could have gotten it. Apart from those "bigger" things, I just generally don't trust people, but why should I anyway. And I sometimes feel that people stare at me but when I turn around there is either nobody there, or the people are busy doing something else. Same goes for people following me. Since I read up on paranoia I could control all of that a bit better, but it never went away. Like, last week I was at home alone and I told myself "They're probably watching you now, they've got cameras for sure " ..but a few minutes later I realized that I wa sprobably just being paranoid and could stop myself from thinking it. Yet at the moment my self-control is getting worse again- So, yesterday I was chatting with a guy from Canada and he seemed so "analyzing" in the way he wrote, as if he wanted to get things out of me that prove I am mentally ill, so that my parents can put me into an institution. So after he continued writing " like that" , I asked him who had sent him, if it was some psychologist or my mother and if she was that he should tell her to let it be, she won't get me. I guess he must have thought I was quite weird. But I really was scared at that moment and even what he wrote sounded dangerous ( and like my Mum o.O ). So now today, I was telling my Dad about that guy that he was "getting on my nerves" but Dad asked too much and I just couldn't tell him you know, I told him that I can't trust him and that I'm sorry, but he's probably working with "her", so I won't tell anything. ( "her" refers to my mother) . So now Dad is unhappy because I don't trust him . But really, I always get that feeling that if I say too much people will get me. And even though I realized myself I might have a problem, I just don't want to go to any psychologist or something like that, those people are evil. They want to analyze you and then change you, control your mind and thoughts with meds... they won't do that to me! But then again, I feel like maybe they're right, so I am confused.
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