I cut and pasted information on basic low-level stunning devices that can be purchased by anyone, on the common market. I'm not sure that any of these could be used to jump onto a desktop or hack, as it seems something more consistent or steady would be needed. But I find it interesting at the effects produced, as described below, because it matches what me and my son have been through. The biggest thing I noticed with my son was his constant muscle spasms in the last several months, and twitching (sometimes almost all night), and that they occured the same time I had them.
I also noticed, while reading about magnetic wavelengths as weapons, that the CIA has conducted proven experiments which show that extreme emotions can be provoked by using such instruments, such as rage, fatigue, and lust, according to the information online. Which makes me think about how out of control I felt when I wasn't completely incapacitated and fatigued. Our normally sweet cat turned into an attack cat too.
There was also an experiment done by the CIA called "Operation Knockout" used to study effects of incapacitating individuals. I'll find the link and post it here. Below is the advertising for the stun guns. If a regular citizen can purchase and use these things, what does law enforcement have that we don't, which may be even more powerful? It would be helpful to know someone in law enforcement, intelligence, or the military to access these devices for political purposes.
Why would anyone target me and my son? I'm getting into that next. I'm tired of holding back on what I know.
OVERVIEW ON TYPES OF STUNNING DEVICES
*Static Charge which uses an electrical watt with static to disrupt localized muscles groups.
*Muscle Man's Special Static Charge which uses an electrical watt with a sophisticated static delivery system that results in a louder and more effective stunner. Awesome!
*T-Wave which uses an electrical watt with EMD technology. An Electro-Muscular Disruption signal effects the central nervous system and its signal to the body. Awesome!
*Pulse Watt which uses an electrical watt with Pulse-Watt technology. This creates a neuro-hypothalamic signal that completely scrambles the signal from the brain to the body's motor functions.
DETAILS OF STUNNING DEVICES
1: STATIC CHARGE: (9-24 electrical watts @ 100,000-600,000 static volts)
Stun Guns & Stun Batons use a static charge deployment (from 100,000 volts - 600,000 volts). The Stun Gun is used by police departments around the world. Strong enough to take down any attacker! Works on those under the influence of alcohol and narcotics. Effective * Safe * Non-lethal. The 100,000- volt stun gun operates on one 9-volt battery and the 200,000 - 500,000+ stun gun and stun baton each use two 9-volt batteries. The 600,000 volt model uses four 9-volt batteries. When used, the attacker receives the shock of his life! Effectively stops an attacker and leaves him feeling dazed for up to 15 minutes. 1 second shock (*see take-down time notes) causes muscle spasms and dazed mental state. 5-second shock can leave attacker feeling as if he fell out of a two-story building and landed on a concrete sidewalk!
----------------------------------------------------------------
2: MUSCLE MAN'S® SPECIAL STATIC DELIVERY SYSTEM (9-24 electrical watts @ 100,000-500,000 static volts with Phase-Induction electrical delivery system)
Muscle Man® uses a Sophisticated Static Charge Delivery System®. It allow the "shock" to work more efficiently, therefore allowing for faster knock-down times and a better, more effective shock. The Muscle Man® series delivers a "feels-like" shock of approximately 100,000 more volts than the stun gun's rating. For example, a Muscle Man® 300,000-volt stun gun can deliver a shock that is equivalent to 400,000 volts by using the better shock delivery system. When used, the attacker receives the shock of his life! Instantly stops attacker and leaves him feeling dazed for up to 15 minutes. 1 second shock (*see take-down time notes) causes muscle spasms and dazed mental state. 5- second shock can leave attacker feeling as if he fell out of a two-story building and landed on a concrete sidewalk!
----------------------------------------------------------------
3. T-WAVE® (18-26 electrical watts with EMD-Electro-Muscular Disruption)
Stun Gun with T-Wave® delivery (Air Tasers®) Air Tasers use a powerful 18 to 26-watt electrical signal (compared to 7-20-watt stun guns and stun batons) to completely override the central nervous system and directly control the skeletal muscles. This effect causes an uncontrollable contraction of the muscle tissue, allowing the Taser to physically debilitate a target regardless of pain tolerance or mental focus. The Taser and M-Series Taser are classified as EMD (Electro-Muscular Disruption) weapons -- specifically designed to stop even the most elite, aggressive, focused combatants. Rather than simply interfering with communication between the brain and muscles, the TASER EMD systems directly tell the muscles what to do: contract until the target is in the fetal position on the ground.
----------------------------------------------------------------
4: PULSE-WATT® (28-30 electrical watts with 25,000-32,000 signal-scrambling Pulse Watts)
Myotron with Pulse-Wave® delivery (Myotrons®) Developed for the F.B.I and used by specialized government / state law enforcement officers and agencies, the Pulse Wave Myotron is a high tech device that intercepts and neutralizes brain waves from the motorcortex (voluntary muscle control) and hypothalamic (aggression) regions of the brain within an amazing 1/1000th of a second! (* can take from 2- 4 second for signal to reach this region). When the attacker is effected by the Myotron he will be immobilized and disoriented. He will also collapse, loose bladder control, and be completely immobilized for up to 30 minutes. The attacker will remain conscious and somewhat alert with no disruptions in involuntary movements, but will be passive and unable to stand or walk. It will stop any human or beast! (does not include large bears or beast with a total body weight of over 500 lbs.). Up to 5 times stronger then a stun gun!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
My and My Son's Side Effects From Radiation
What does it feel like?
October 2007: My chronic pain is worse, without explanation. I start to think it's because it's a different brand of narcotic and it must metabolize differently in my body. A deep, deep, ache in my lower back (which I don't usually have problems with), pelvis, and spine develops. In addition, at nighttime I feel very sharp surges of pain in my pelvis. I began having muscle spasms and my son did as well. It's worse at night than during the day.
November 2007: I begin having painful ulcers in my mouth. I got up to 3-4 ulcers on my gumline, top and bottom, and wasn't eating anything different or doing anything differently. I didn't feel more stress than usual. I had the ulcers for about 2 weeks. I thought it was the medications again, and suspected the oxycodone was something acidic instead. It didn't make sense. I had severe abdominal pain and cramping. Diarrhea everyday for this month, even though I was on my normal narcotics which have usually had a constipating effect. My gums began to bleed at the slightest touch or use of a toothbrush. The pain was so deep and getting into my bones and back so badly I began overdosing on over-the-counter medications and my narcotics. I took 800-1,000 mg. Advil plus 1,000 mg. Tylenol on TOP of the narcotics. I tried taking a little more of the narcotics and it didn't make a difference in the back pain. I realized getting into the tub took the pain away instantly, but it was back as soon as I was out. That didn't make sense. Immersion in water relieved my pain, but nothing else did? During this time, I watched comedies, and tried to distract myself. But I was falling apart. I stopped doing the dishes. I stopped picking up the food my son threw on the floor from the table. I was physically too weak. I could hardly get out of bed. I noticed my son was having problems at the same time, but figured my problems were from worsening chronic pain and his were behavioral from not being able to play with his mother, who was so sick, as much. But I look back, and he had the same symptoms I did and was relieved when he was in the tub.
December 2007: I go to the Dr. I believe I seriously have cancer. It feels like bone cancer, specifically, because of the horrible, cruel ache. It is like no other pain and it was progressively getting worse. I asked the doctor for an X-ray or bone scan and he agrees. There are problems on the X-ray and I'm SURE this is the cause of my pain, but the doctor says it's not that big of deal. So what's causing this terrible pain then? I write my doctor off as an idiot. The pain is extremely severe. When I am able to get out, I feel better, away from the house, for some reason, and the problems aren't as bad though I'm still weak. But I didn't even tell my family or my doctor how bad the pain was, or how weak I was. For example, I didn't tell them I wasn't able to get out of bed in the morning because of the pain and fatigue and how my son had to watch a couple hours of cartoons while I summoned my strength. And I didn't tell anyone, until later, how I became so weak that I couldn't make it to the toilet in the other room sometimes and just grabbed the nearest bowl. I stopped eating with a spoon and fork because I was too tired to wash one.
No one, but God and my son, knows how sick we were, and my son wasn't himself either, but I dismissed his symptoms, even though he had the sudden and severe twitching too, and would cry out and wake in the night, in pain. I demanded to go back to 10 mg. Percocet from Walgreens, made by Watson, because I thought the narcotics weren't metabolizing right. Someone told me this was possible so I thought maybe that's why they were ineffective. I had been switched from Percocet to 10 mg. oxycodone, from Merkindrot or whatever, at Wal-mart. I wanted to go back to the exact type of medication that was working for me before the pain and weakness began. I and my son woke at night, with my son crying and sucking his thumb almost all night and getting no sleep, to taking up to 3 bottles of milk for comfort. I couldn't write at all. I couldn't even read my blog. I was too weak. I wasn't even able to speak well enough to articulate what was happening. I was too tired. I called the doctor a lot, and then raged, and then cried, because of the frustration. It felt like cancer but no cancer showed up on the bone scan. I wasn't depressed and didn't feel more stressed than usual. Except for the stress from the fatigue and pain. I was having pulsing pains, and sometimes they even hit my chest. A couple of times I could feel a rhythmic pain penetrate and withdraw, penetrate and withdraw, in rapid succession, with the rhythm of a metronome. It was completely bizarre.
January 2007: I had bloodwork done in late December and it was normal, generally, except for abnormal low levels of glucose and alkaline phosphate. Doctor said maybe I was malnourished. I knew that wasn't it because I'm a health nut and even while sick, I was trying to eat even better, to get my strength up. I shop at a health food store, buy organic for my son, and have a good understanding of nutrition. I ate well, and so did my son. But despite eating, I was losing weight. I lost 10 lbs in a month. I started looking up low glucose and alkaline phosphate. This was common with malnutrition, drug interactions for some medications, and radiation side effects. I figured I was on some other drug than the "narcotic".
I lost my period last month, which is normally regular. I also had a lot of hair falling out and didn't have to shave 1/10th as often because my hair wasn't growing. My head hair stopped falling out about a week and a half ago when the bad aching stopped, and my body hair has only begun to grow again in the last few days. Because of this, I questioned whether my doctor had put me on some kind of hormone, as I was convinced the most logical explanation where there were no alternatives, was that I was on another medication without my consent on a trial or something. But then I read up on radiation side effects. I read that radiation can even cause teeth cavities or problems because of dry mouth that comes from the radiation. Which I'm not sure applies to me, but after I had the strange episode of illness in Oregon during litigation with the Catholic church, I developed some cavities and even had a tooth break off. I'd never had dental problems in my life and brushed and flossed. My dental state went downhill in a matter of a year and the last time I saw the dentist he said my results were very strange. He asked me if I had started drinking soft drinks suddenly and on a daily basis or if I had been on a medication that dried my mouth out. My answer was no. I'm starting to wonder about my son's cavities now and his dental problems.
I started having, beginning in December 2007, odd and numerous bruising all over my body. My son did as well. He started showing severe bruising in November even. His legs especially were covered, but arms too. We ate plenty of citrus fruit. We ate well. I still have, right now, 8 bruises on my legs, some large (one is the size of a golf ball or larger), and 2 (just recounted...4)on my arms. They started showing up without explanation. All these bruises are older bruises.
Which reminded me last night, that in Oregon, during my litigation with the Catholic church, toward the end, when I became too sick to continue, I developed similiar problems, and I remember, in particular, the bruising which was severe and without explanation. I was fatigued, constantly had bronchitis (for over 6 months), and thought then that I must have "cancer". I remember going to the courthouse in the summer, right before the Fall of 2004, and wearing a dress that exposed one of the bruises. It was the size of a baseball or a little larger and it was on my calf. It was huge and totally bizarre. I hadn't run into anything with my calf. At that time, I was wondering if I had AIDs or something because of my health problems. Which is funny, because when I started having ulcers in my mouth recently, I looked up causes and read AIDs symptoms again. But I've never had an STD or AIDs and I give blood. I remember John Kaempf, one of the Catholic church lawyers, coming up behind me on the steps, seeing that bruise on my calf, and he walked away. He had a strange expression on his face, it was almost a guilty or slightly knowing look. He returned to the courthouse later.
After finding out the only way hackers could get onto my computers the way they were, recently, is through powerful and harmful microwave radiation (he said it would have to be sophisticated equipment that sends out a pulse), I started looking up side effects of radiation. I have all of the symptoms and so did my son. Our muscle twitching also, especially when in sync, could have been caused by this, because it heats the muscles and causes them to react.
But I thought it was medication problems.
I had been telling my doctor repeatedly that something was wrong. I laid in bed, unable to sleep at night, and knew I was dying. I knew my body couldn't take it. The last 2 weeks I was so weak I sat hunched over because my spine felt too weak to support my body; it took all my effort. I wrote an email to my doctor telling him I was dying. The day before I had not been able to stand more than 10 minutes and then had to sit. It was an effort to breathe and my breathing was labored. I read stories to my son, because I could do it sitting. When I got to the point that I could no longer stand or walk around, I sent this email, and then the next day, the pain quit abruptly. I picked up a new prescription for my narcotics and thought maybe he really WAS in on something with my meds. Because the aching stopped. I've had a day or two, as has my son, of pain since, and all the weird stuff again. But we've been able to get out of the house because before my car was broken down and we were stranded at the house. I believe we were sitting ducks. When my pain ended, I noticed my son's pain had also ended. He sleeps through the night soundly when I do. I heard him laughing spontaneously and knew he was better. After my strength started to come back a little, I was washing dishes that had sat there for a month, and I've been singing for the last 3 days. I had the strength to sing again. And that's when I realized I had not been able to sing at all the last few months and realized just how sick we had been.
There is more. I need to explain better the computer problems, and how often I've had this feeling of "cancer" and what has happened to my son. I am also going to include links to my research to back myself up on these claims and how likely or possible it is.
October 2007: My chronic pain is worse, without explanation. I start to think it's because it's a different brand of narcotic and it must metabolize differently in my body. A deep, deep, ache in my lower back (which I don't usually have problems with), pelvis, and spine develops. In addition, at nighttime I feel very sharp surges of pain in my pelvis. I began having muscle spasms and my son did as well. It's worse at night than during the day.
November 2007: I begin having painful ulcers in my mouth. I got up to 3-4 ulcers on my gumline, top and bottom, and wasn't eating anything different or doing anything differently. I didn't feel more stress than usual. I had the ulcers for about 2 weeks. I thought it was the medications again, and suspected the oxycodone was something acidic instead. It didn't make sense. I had severe abdominal pain and cramping. Diarrhea everyday for this month, even though I was on my normal narcotics which have usually had a constipating effect. My gums began to bleed at the slightest touch or use of a toothbrush. The pain was so deep and getting into my bones and back so badly I began overdosing on over-the-counter medications and my narcotics. I took 800-1,000 mg. Advil plus 1,000 mg. Tylenol on TOP of the narcotics. I tried taking a little more of the narcotics and it didn't make a difference in the back pain. I realized getting into the tub took the pain away instantly, but it was back as soon as I was out. That didn't make sense. Immersion in water relieved my pain, but nothing else did? During this time, I watched comedies, and tried to distract myself. But I was falling apart. I stopped doing the dishes. I stopped picking up the food my son threw on the floor from the table. I was physically too weak. I could hardly get out of bed. I noticed my son was having problems at the same time, but figured my problems were from worsening chronic pain and his were behavioral from not being able to play with his mother, who was so sick, as much. But I look back, and he had the same symptoms I did and was relieved when he was in the tub.
December 2007: I go to the Dr. I believe I seriously have cancer. It feels like bone cancer, specifically, because of the horrible, cruel ache. It is like no other pain and it was progressively getting worse. I asked the doctor for an X-ray or bone scan and he agrees. There are problems on the X-ray and I'm SURE this is the cause of my pain, but the doctor says it's not that big of deal. So what's causing this terrible pain then? I write my doctor off as an idiot. The pain is extremely severe. When I am able to get out, I feel better, away from the house, for some reason, and the problems aren't as bad though I'm still weak. But I didn't even tell my family or my doctor how bad the pain was, or how weak I was. For example, I didn't tell them I wasn't able to get out of bed in the morning because of the pain and fatigue and how my son had to watch a couple hours of cartoons while I summoned my strength. And I didn't tell anyone, until later, how I became so weak that I couldn't make it to the toilet in the other room sometimes and just grabbed the nearest bowl. I stopped eating with a spoon and fork because I was too tired to wash one.
No one, but God and my son, knows how sick we were, and my son wasn't himself either, but I dismissed his symptoms, even though he had the sudden and severe twitching too, and would cry out and wake in the night, in pain. I demanded to go back to 10 mg. Percocet from Walgreens, made by Watson, because I thought the narcotics weren't metabolizing right. Someone told me this was possible so I thought maybe that's why they were ineffective. I had been switched from Percocet to 10 mg. oxycodone, from Merkindrot or whatever, at Wal-mart. I wanted to go back to the exact type of medication that was working for me before the pain and weakness began. I and my son woke at night, with my son crying and sucking his thumb almost all night and getting no sleep, to taking up to 3 bottles of milk for comfort. I couldn't write at all. I couldn't even read my blog. I was too weak. I wasn't even able to speak well enough to articulate what was happening. I was too tired. I called the doctor a lot, and then raged, and then cried, because of the frustration. It felt like cancer but no cancer showed up on the bone scan. I wasn't depressed and didn't feel more stressed than usual. Except for the stress from the fatigue and pain. I was having pulsing pains, and sometimes they even hit my chest. A couple of times I could feel a rhythmic pain penetrate and withdraw, penetrate and withdraw, in rapid succession, with the rhythm of a metronome. It was completely bizarre.
January 2007: I had bloodwork done in late December and it was normal, generally, except for abnormal low levels of glucose and alkaline phosphate. Doctor said maybe I was malnourished. I knew that wasn't it because I'm a health nut and even while sick, I was trying to eat even better, to get my strength up. I shop at a health food store, buy organic for my son, and have a good understanding of nutrition. I ate well, and so did my son. But despite eating, I was losing weight. I lost 10 lbs in a month. I started looking up low glucose and alkaline phosphate. This was common with malnutrition, drug interactions for some medications, and radiation side effects. I figured I was on some other drug than the "narcotic".
I lost my period last month, which is normally regular. I also had a lot of hair falling out and didn't have to shave 1/10th as often because my hair wasn't growing. My head hair stopped falling out about a week and a half ago when the bad aching stopped, and my body hair has only begun to grow again in the last few days. Because of this, I questioned whether my doctor had put me on some kind of hormone, as I was convinced the most logical explanation where there were no alternatives, was that I was on another medication without my consent on a trial or something. But then I read up on radiation side effects. I read that radiation can even cause teeth cavities or problems because of dry mouth that comes from the radiation. Which I'm not sure applies to me, but after I had the strange episode of illness in Oregon during litigation with the Catholic church, I developed some cavities and even had a tooth break off. I'd never had dental problems in my life and brushed and flossed. My dental state went downhill in a matter of a year and the last time I saw the dentist he said my results were very strange. He asked me if I had started drinking soft drinks suddenly and on a daily basis or if I had been on a medication that dried my mouth out. My answer was no. I'm starting to wonder about my son's cavities now and his dental problems.
I started having, beginning in December 2007, odd and numerous bruising all over my body. My son did as well. He started showing severe bruising in November even. His legs especially were covered, but arms too. We ate plenty of citrus fruit. We ate well. I still have, right now, 8 bruises on my legs, some large (one is the size of a golf ball or larger), and 2 (just recounted...4)on my arms. They started showing up without explanation. All these bruises are older bruises.
Which reminded me last night, that in Oregon, during my litigation with the Catholic church, toward the end, when I became too sick to continue, I developed similiar problems, and I remember, in particular, the bruising which was severe and without explanation. I was fatigued, constantly had bronchitis (for over 6 months), and thought then that I must have "cancer". I remember going to the courthouse in the summer, right before the Fall of 2004, and wearing a dress that exposed one of the bruises. It was the size of a baseball or a little larger and it was on my calf. It was huge and totally bizarre. I hadn't run into anything with my calf. At that time, I was wondering if I had AIDs or something because of my health problems. Which is funny, because when I started having ulcers in my mouth recently, I looked up causes and read AIDs symptoms again. But I've never had an STD or AIDs and I give blood. I remember John Kaempf, one of the Catholic church lawyers, coming up behind me on the steps, seeing that bruise on my calf, and he walked away. He had a strange expression on his face, it was almost a guilty or slightly knowing look. He returned to the courthouse later.
After finding out the only way hackers could get onto my computers the way they were, recently, is through powerful and harmful microwave radiation (he said it would have to be sophisticated equipment that sends out a pulse), I started looking up side effects of radiation. I have all of the symptoms and so did my son. Our muscle twitching also, especially when in sync, could have been caused by this, because it heats the muscles and causes them to react.
But I thought it was medication problems.
I had been telling my doctor repeatedly that something was wrong. I laid in bed, unable to sleep at night, and knew I was dying. I knew my body couldn't take it. The last 2 weeks I was so weak I sat hunched over because my spine felt too weak to support my body; it took all my effort. I wrote an email to my doctor telling him I was dying. The day before I had not been able to stand more than 10 minutes and then had to sit. It was an effort to breathe and my breathing was labored. I read stories to my son, because I could do it sitting. When I got to the point that I could no longer stand or walk around, I sent this email, and then the next day, the pain quit abruptly. I picked up a new prescription for my narcotics and thought maybe he really WAS in on something with my meds. Because the aching stopped. I've had a day or two, as has my son, of pain since, and all the weird stuff again. But we've been able to get out of the house because before my car was broken down and we were stranded at the house. I believe we were sitting ducks. When my pain ended, I noticed my son's pain had also ended. He sleeps through the night soundly when I do. I heard him laughing spontaneously and knew he was better. After my strength started to come back a little, I was washing dishes that had sat there for a month, and I've been singing for the last 3 days. I had the strength to sing again. And that's when I realized I had not been able to sing at all the last few months and realized just how sick we had been.
There is more. I need to explain better the computer problems, and how often I've had this feeling of "cancer" and what has happened to my son. I am also going to include links to my research to back myself up on these claims and how likely or possible it is.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Computer Hacking and Concurrent Health Problems
I had been planning to go in order, with this blog. But the recent computer hacking and severe concurrent health problems of me and my son make this impossible now. It has affected my son. I've mentioned political problems, and the Catholic church, some monks, and the FBI.
I wrote in my last entry I wouldn't take another pill in this town; I was referring to a belief that my doctor had me on a medication without my consent, and that the "narcotic" pain relievers he was giving me were not really narcotics. I convinced myself this had to be it, because of the extreme pain I was in in the last several months. I didn't turn up with cancer, so what else could it be? I've not been around any poisons either. So I figured the most logical thing is that someone finally said they'd had enough of me and tried putting me on meds. Everyone says no, and I believe I would have to go through a court process, but because of the severity of my problems and the sudden onset and then cessation, I figured it had to be the start and stop of a particular experimental medication. I looked at my records tonight though, and it doesn't ring true.
I suppose it's possible still, but that wouldn't account for the fact that while I was going through Hell, my son was too. That was what concerned me. I figured my pain and symptoms were my problems, and that his must be behavioral, but then I started paying attention and noticed he was crying before I was, from pain, and twitching and having muscle spasms at the same time I did. Even poisoning doesn't cause twitches that are "in sync". But although I had very obvious problems with my computers being hacked, I did NOT, in any way, make a connection to the computer issues and our health. Until I talked to the computer tech who's worked for police and FBI. When he told me the only possible way to hack the way my computers were being hacked was by a magnetic field (possibly high radio frequency but more likely magnetic), I asked him if there were health consequences to this. I asked him because something clicked in my mind.
I had started having radio music bleeding over into my phone at the exact same time I started noticing computer problems AND this was the onset of my and my son's health problems. I didn't know what the explanation was, but piece by piece, I prayed God would help me figure it out. I realized last night that this has possibly happened before, as I thought back to my health history. I realized the timing of the severe health issues has always been around important political dates: dates where I was required to appear for hearings, or dates when I was looking for a lawyer or writing complaints and doing research or pulling up discovery. I kept getting stopped in my tracks. And this time, I truly believe I almost died. My son was not well either, but...
I don't even consider myself very religious anymore, and during the torment of the last months, I even tore down a portrait of Jesus Christ that was on my wall, which had been given to me by my parents. That picture of Jesus was given to my parents on their wedding day, and I grew up as a little girl, looking at it as it hung over the piano. I wouldn't say I prayed to the picture, but I was motivated to pray when I saw this painting. There have been 3 things I've valued most which I took from my parents house when I was old enough to move out: the piano my father played (an upright Yamaha), my hope chest (16th or 18th birthday present), and that painting. In my distress and frustration at what was going on with my body and my son, and how we were trapped and no one was listening, I took it off the wall, ripped it out of the frame, and tore it into pieces.
I have once before destroyed something while upset. I don't throw things at people or animals, but I've thrown a couple things out of the door. Along with this picture of Jesus, I took all of my 45 bottles of cooking spices and threw them outside in the snow too. I couldn't cook anymore anyway. I was too sick to do a thing, but in that frustration I guess I summoned the energy to respond to the misery we were in. I threw out a few other things as well.
All to say, there were times I almost thought I had no more faith, but then I realized I still believed in God. Even though I have been through so much, I believed. I was first surprised to realize this when I had a dream many months ago, I believe it was this Fall (September or October?). I very rarely have nightmares and one night I had a nightmare that 4 white young men knocked on my door and wanted to come into my house. They acted friendly and nonchalant and were calm. So I let them in and as I was around the corner getting drinks or something, I turned into the next room and saw 2 of the men (ages 16-25 approx.) slitting my son's throat with a knife. Blood, and a greenish fluid poured out of his mouth. The other 2 men, were shocked and had started leaving before the other guys did this, and then the 2 just looked at me with hate and left calmly. I went straight to my son and his eyes were open and he was still breathing and I knew he was dying. But I wanted him to know I was there and wouldn't leave him. I held him in my arms and kissed him and I said, "It's okay honey, you're going to be with Jesus really soon"... He managed a distorted smile and I woke up. I couldn't sleep for days. I kept thinking about that dream and felt it was a message that something bad was going to happen. I rarely think dreams are a sign but I felt it was urgent we get to a safe place. It seemed like a warning to me, and yet I didn't know where to go. I also remembered thinking that I knew I had faith, because of my response in that dream.
I think about that dream tonight and then of what followed that dream and my son's misery. No men came into our house. But my son became almost violently ill, as I was, and I believe people are responsible.
The other thought I had, a week ago, when I found out some things, was how ironic that the father of my son, gave him a blessing before he was born, and made the sign of the cross over him with a prayer. He made the sign, and he kissed his fingertips. I didn't object because I knew it was important to him, even though I have had serious problems with being harassed by people who have been Catholic. How ironic that one man could bless him, and others curse him. My son's father said he knew the baby was going to be a boy. And he said the two of us were going to be like the woman and son in the movie, "The Terminator" and I laughed at that. Then I watched the movie and saw the woman in the car with her son and their bond.
I am thinking of all these things tonight. Last night, I was furious, having been freed from what I believed was some kind of chemical restraint. I finally had the strength to be mad about it and show it, and I was furious. I wasn't going to stick around for anymore of this. It never ended. There was always a calm before the storm. I raced to my grandparents house, picked up the rest of my belongings, to begin sorting through them, and then was back on the road. I think I even flipped off a total stranger on the way. Which is something I've done maybe 3 times in my entire life, and only when under extreme duress. I'm not proud of it, but I was so upset and emotional. I hadn't been able to write, clean, or even articulate verbally what had been going on with me and my son, and suddenly I was "released" and I couldn't even explain it. I was sure it was medication without my consent. I felt I couldn't trust my prescription for "narcotics" and didn't know where to turn. Was it the real thing and hadn't worked because the pain was so bad? Or was it another medication? I decided it had to have been a set up with my doctor and/or family, not wanting me to write about disagreeable things.
So I picked up my stuff and was on the road, racing back home, when out of nowhere sprang a very large deer. It was a full grown female deer and she ran in front of my car, but looked at the car first. If the deer had not kept moving, I would have collided with her. There was no forewarning. And yet, we were safe.
It hit me. We could have died right there. We didn't. We didn't even make contact with the deer. She was safe and we were safe. At that moment, I recognized how many times God has spared my life, and maybe the life of my son too. I have been injured, but I have come close to dying many times. The second thing that came to my mind was this verse: "Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me..."
I realized tonight that the last 4 months were not unique, entirely. It's happened before, 2 (possibly 3) other times, and one of those times I was still living in Portland, Oregon. The sickness, the weakness, the odd bruises out of nowhere, the feeling that I had "cancer", and total degeneration of my immune system...even the twitching.
Last night a different battery-run toy of my son's was going off again. Not the same toy that was going off on Christmas. Last night it started at 7 p.m. and went until 7:30 p.m. Then it played once at about 9 or 10. Nothing in the middle of the night and then one play first thing this morning at 7 p.m. Inbetween the playing, I began to feel the odd pangs again and just as I was beginning to believe my narcotics were legit, I started doubting I was on the right medication. My son woke up in the other room right at that time and was crying. I went in and he was holding his head. He kept rubbing a side of his forehead and would not be consoled. He seemed to be in a lot of pain as he violently arched his back and stiffened several times. This is not normal for him but this is the second time he's had a series of problems like this: in the last 3 months, and about 8 months after he was born, which is when he suddenly lost his ability to talk. He has no other signs of being "autistic". I don't believe he is. I believe our problems have been from radiation and I will explain why it adds up and is NOT crazy, in the next post.
I wrote in my last entry I wouldn't take another pill in this town; I was referring to a belief that my doctor had me on a medication without my consent, and that the "narcotic" pain relievers he was giving me were not really narcotics. I convinced myself this had to be it, because of the extreme pain I was in in the last several months. I didn't turn up with cancer, so what else could it be? I've not been around any poisons either. So I figured the most logical thing is that someone finally said they'd had enough of me and tried putting me on meds. Everyone says no, and I believe I would have to go through a court process, but because of the severity of my problems and the sudden onset and then cessation, I figured it had to be the start and stop of a particular experimental medication. I looked at my records tonight though, and it doesn't ring true.
I suppose it's possible still, but that wouldn't account for the fact that while I was going through Hell, my son was too. That was what concerned me. I figured my pain and symptoms were my problems, and that his must be behavioral, but then I started paying attention and noticed he was crying before I was, from pain, and twitching and having muscle spasms at the same time I did. Even poisoning doesn't cause twitches that are "in sync". But although I had very obvious problems with my computers being hacked, I did NOT, in any way, make a connection to the computer issues and our health. Until I talked to the computer tech who's worked for police and FBI. When he told me the only possible way to hack the way my computers were being hacked was by a magnetic field (possibly high radio frequency but more likely magnetic), I asked him if there were health consequences to this. I asked him because something clicked in my mind.
I had started having radio music bleeding over into my phone at the exact same time I started noticing computer problems AND this was the onset of my and my son's health problems. I didn't know what the explanation was, but piece by piece, I prayed God would help me figure it out. I realized last night that this has possibly happened before, as I thought back to my health history. I realized the timing of the severe health issues has always been around important political dates: dates where I was required to appear for hearings, or dates when I was looking for a lawyer or writing complaints and doing research or pulling up discovery. I kept getting stopped in my tracks. And this time, I truly believe I almost died. My son was not well either, but...
I don't even consider myself very religious anymore, and during the torment of the last months, I even tore down a portrait of Jesus Christ that was on my wall, which had been given to me by my parents. That picture of Jesus was given to my parents on their wedding day, and I grew up as a little girl, looking at it as it hung over the piano. I wouldn't say I prayed to the picture, but I was motivated to pray when I saw this painting. There have been 3 things I've valued most which I took from my parents house when I was old enough to move out: the piano my father played (an upright Yamaha), my hope chest (16th or 18th birthday present), and that painting. In my distress and frustration at what was going on with my body and my son, and how we were trapped and no one was listening, I took it off the wall, ripped it out of the frame, and tore it into pieces.
I have once before destroyed something while upset. I don't throw things at people or animals, but I've thrown a couple things out of the door. Along with this picture of Jesus, I took all of my 45 bottles of cooking spices and threw them outside in the snow too. I couldn't cook anymore anyway. I was too sick to do a thing, but in that frustration I guess I summoned the energy to respond to the misery we were in. I threw out a few other things as well.
All to say, there were times I almost thought I had no more faith, but then I realized I still believed in God. Even though I have been through so much, I believed. I was first surprised to realize this when I had a dream many months ago, I believe it was this Fall (September or October?). I very rarely have nightmares and one night I had a nightmare that 4 white young men knocked on my door and wanted to come into my house. They acted friendly and nonchalant and were calm. So I let them in and as I was around the corner getting drinks or something, I turned into the next room and saw 2 of the men (ages 16-25 approx.) slitting my son's throat with a knife. Blood, and a greenish fluid poured out of his mouth. The other 2 men, were shocked and had started leaving before the other guys did this, and then the 2 just looked at me with hate and left calmly. I went straight to my son and his eyes were open and he was still breathing and I knew he was dying. But I wanted him to know I was there and wouldn't leave him. I held him in my arms and kissed him and I said, "It's okay honey, you're going to be with Jesus really soon"... He managed a distorted smile and I woke up. I couldn't sleep for days. I kept thinking about that dream and felt it was a message that something bad was going to happen. I rarely think dreams are a sign but I felt it was urgent we get to a safe place. It seemed like a warning to me, and yet I didn't know where to go. I also remembered thinking that I knew I had faith, because of my response in that dream.
I think about that dream tonight and then of what followed that dream and my son's misery. No men came into our house. But my son became almost violently ill, as I was, and I believe people are responsible.
The other thought I had, a week ago, when I found out some things, was how ironic that the father of my son, gave him a blessing before he was born, and made the sign of the cross over him with a prayer. He made the sign, and he kissed his fingertips. I didn't object because I knew it was important to him, even though I have had serious problems with being harassed by people who have been Catholic. How ironic that one man could bless him, and others curse him. My son's father said he knew the baby was going to be a boy. And he said the two of us were going to be like the woman and son in the movie, "The Terminator" and I laughed at that. Then I watched the movie and saw the woman in the car with her son and their bond.
I am thinking of all these things tonight. Last night, I was furious, having been freed from what I believed was some kind of chemical restraint. I finally had the strength to be mad about it and show it, and I was furious. I wasn't going to stick around for anymore of this. It never ended. There was always a calm before the storm. I raced to my grandparents house, picked up the rest of my belongings, to begin sorting through them, and then was back on the road. I think I even flipped off a total stranger on the way. Which is something I've done maybe 3 times in my entire life, and only when under extreme duress. I'm not proud of it, but I was so upset and emotional. I hadn't been able to write, clean, or even articulate verbally what had been going on with me and my son, and suddenly I was "released" and I couldn't even explain it. I was sure it was medication without my consent. I felt I couldn't trust my prescription for "narcotics" and didn't know where to turn. Was it the real thing and hadn't worked because the pain was so bad? Or was it another medication? I decided it had to have been a set up with my doctor and/or family, not wanting me to write about disagreeable things.
So I picked up my stuff and was on the road, racing back home, when out of nowhere sprang a very large deer. It was a full grown female deer and she ran in front of my car, but looked at the car first. If the deer had not kept moving, I would have collided with her. There was no forewarning. And yet, we were safe.
It hit me. We could have died right there. We didn't. We didn't even make contact with the deer. She was safe and we were safe. At that moment, I recognized how many times God has spared my life, and maybe the life of my son too. I have been injured, but I have come close to dying many times. The second thing that came to my mind was this verse: "Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me..."
I realized tonight that the last 4 months were not unique, entirely. It's happened before, 2 (possibly 3) other times, and one of those times I was still living in Portland, Oregon. The sickness, the weakness, the odd bruises out of nowhere, the feeling that I had "cancer", and total degeneration of my immune system...even the twitching.
Last night a different battery-run toy of my son's was going off again. Not the same toy that was going off on Christmas. Last night it started at 7 p.m. and went until 7:30 p.m. Then it played once at about 9 or 10. Nothing in the middle of the night and then one play first thing this morning at 7 p.m. Inbetween the playing, I began to feel the odd pangs again and just as I was beginning to believe my narcotics were legit, I started doubting I was on the right medication. My son woke up in the other room right at that time and was crying. I went in and he was holding his head. He kept rubbing a side of his forehead and would not be consoled. He seemed to be in a lot of pain as he violently arched his back and stiffened several times. This is not normal for him but this is the second time he's had a series of problems like this: in the last 3 months, and about 8 months after he was born, which is when he suddenly lost his ability to talk. He has no other signs of being "autistic". I don't believe he is. I believe our problems have been from radiation and I will explain why it adds up and is NOT crazy, in the next post.
Wenatchee: Healthcare Hell (#2, 2008); One Nurse's Story
Suzie once worked in Seattle, WA at Children's Hospital. She was a nurse with high qualifications and excellent recommendations before she moved to Wenatchee, WA. She found her first place of employment in this area, at the Central Washington Hospital. She was received warmly and had high marks on her reviews. However, while there, Suzie became concerned with the equipment and procedures in place in the intensive care Prenatal unit. This was her specialty unit and she had experience in Seattle she felt could benefit CWH. Some of the conditions were unacceptable, she believed, and put the preemies at unnecessary risk. So she spoke up.
Suzie thought it through carefully. She was sure the hospital would appreciate the suggestions and feedback and it wouldn't have taken much to make the appropriate changes. Instead, Suzie's concerns put her on the "troublemaker" list. The hospital didn't appreciate being told they were doing something wrong or could correct the problem. Suzie persisted, keeping the lives of the preemies in mind, and thinking often of the parents of the life endangered babies. This only made things worse. Suzie started getting reviews which were unfavorable. When Suzie questioned this, as nothing had changed in her work ethic, she was cut short. Shortly thereafter, Suzie was fired.
Suzie was already living in Wenatchee so she figured she could find a job at another clinic. She applied to the Wenatchee Valley Medical Center and they wouldn't accept her. They hired people who had fewer qualifications and experience but left her out. She also tried to find employment with Columbia Valley Community Center and was out of luck. She found out, among the whispers, that she had been blacklisted and would be unable to find employment as a nurse, of any kind, at a medical facility. Instead of fighting this, or hiring an attorney, Suzie took a job at the local Wenatchee library, as a children's librarian.
I met her there, where she witnessed my son's first early attempts to climb stairs and walk. He was very young and as we began to talk, she told me her story.
Then, one day I wanted to get in touch and asked someone to pass a message to Suzie. The librarian knew a doctor in town that I had problems with. I mentioned Suzie's unfortunate problems, in brief, to this librarian, and the next thing I knew, Suzie was no longer working there. She may have quit. I don't know. But I haven't been in touch since, though Suzie and I discussed the town's politics a number of times--maybe on 5 different occasions. She gave me her number and I lost it.
Suzie, if you're out there, look me up. I think you need to hire a lawyer, but no one in this town will take your case. It's common knowledge that to fight the medical professionals here, one must hire a lawyer from the Seattle area. Lawyers here are too tied in to the community.
That's the true story of one nurse who wanted to make a difference in Wenatchee. And that's the treatment she received. She cared about the lives of babies, not politics, and in return for her efforts to recommend improvements, she was written up, fired, and blacklisted. All the other clinics joined in the effort to block her from finding employment in the medical field in this area. Suzie told me she watched babies die or develop problems that could have been prevented. She cared about those who suffered and she had years of professional experience from a renowned hospital that specialized in children. But the bottom line of CWH was cost, politics, and ego. They didn't want to be told they were doing something wrong and punished her for it.
Good luck Suzie. I wish I could talk to you again for the specifics of the changes you had recommended. I think others in the community would like to hear about it too. I hope you find your talents put to good use and are rewarded, in the long-run, for being conscientous.
Blacklisting and retaliation happens everywhere. But it is far too easy and common in this town. The lawyers here have not been able to keep this town in check and are married and intermarried, and otherwise connected to the doctors and medical professionals in this town. There are really only 3 kinds of professionals here: PUD employees, healthcare employees, and lawyers. They stick together. Someone from out of the area, whether lawyers or a supervisory agency, should take a closer look.
There is more to share, but this is all for now. I've realized I cannot delay in writing any longer, as I have recently learned about (discovered) extreme attempts which have been made to prevent me from writing anything at all. Let me tell you one thing...I will never take another pill from anyone in this area again.
Suzie thought it through carefully. She was sure the hospital would appreciate the suggestions and feedback and it wouldn't have taken much to make the appropriate changes. Instead, Suzie's concerns put her on the "troublemaker" list. The hospital didn't appreciate being told they were doing something wrong or could correct the problem. Suzie persisted, keeping the lives of the preemies in mind, and thinking often of the parents of the life endangered babies. This only made things worse. Suzie started getting reviews which were unfavorable. When Suzie questioned this, as nothing had changed in her work ethic, she was cut short. Shortly thereafter, Suzie was fired.
Suzie was already living in Wenatchee so she figured she could find a job at another clinic. She applied to the Wenatchee Valley Medical Center and they wouldn't accept her. They hired people who had fewer qualifications and experience but left her out. She also tried to find employment with Columbia Valley Community Center and was out of luck. She found out, among the whispers, that she had been blacklisted and would be unable to find employment as a nurse, of any kind, at a medical facility. Instead of fighting this, or hiring an attorney, Suzie took a job at the local Wenatchee library, as a children's librarian.
I met her there, where she witnessed my son's first early attempts to climb stairs and walk. He was very young and as we began to talk, she told me her story.
Then, one day I wanted to get in touch and asked someone to pass a message to Suzie. The librarian knew a doctor in town that I had problems with. I mentioned Suzie's unfortunate problems, in brief, to this librarian, and the next thing I knew, Suzie was no longer working there. She may have quit. I don't know. But I haven't been in touch since, though Suzie and I discussed the town's politics a number of times--maybe on 5 different occasions. She gave me her number and I lost it.
Suzie, if you're out there, look me up. I think you need to hire a lawyer, but no one in this town will take your case. It's common knowledge that to fight the medical professionals here, one must hire a lawyer from the Seattle area. Lawyers here are too tied in to the community.
That's the true story of one nurse who wanted to make a difference in Wenatchee. And that's the treatment she received. She cared about the lives of babies, not politics, and in return for her efforts to recommend improvements, she was written up, fired, and blacklisted. All the other clinics joined in the effort to block her from finding employment in the medical field in this area. Suzie told me she watched babies die or develop problems that could have been prevented. She cared about those who suffered and she had years of professional experience from a renowned hospital that specialized in children. But the bottom line of CWH was cost, politics, and ego. They didn't want to be told they were doing something wrong and punished her for it.
Good luck Suzie. I wish I could talk to you again for the specifics of the changes you had recommended. I think others in the community would like to hear about it too. I hope you find your talents put to good use and are rewarded, in the long-run, for being conscientous.
Blacklisting and retaliation happens everywhere. But it is far too easy and common in this town. The lawyers here have not been able to keep this town in check and are married and intermarried, and otherwise connected to the doctors and medical professionals in this town. There are really only 3 kinds of professionals here: PUD employees, healthcare employees, and lawyers. They stick together. Someone from out of the area, whether lawyers or a supervisory agency, should take a closer look.
There is more to share, but this is all for now. I've realized I cannot delay in writing any longer, as I have recently learned about (discovered) extreme attempts which have been made to prevent me from writing anything at all. Let me tell you one thing...I will never take another pill from anyone in this area again.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
An Argument For And Against Being An Activist (by PJ and Cameo)
PJ said...
The thing you must consider, in that you are a serious activist, is the price your son must pay for your choices. Your life is all consumed with YOUR being a victim, what you think is right, and you sound wise in your own eyes, which the Bible makes clear is dangerous (and yes the Catholic church is fallible--too many have made choices because they are wise in their own eyes). You can't change the Catholics, or anyone else that bothers you or disadvantages you. Christ was severely disadvantaged but died for those who tried to destroy Him. There will always be something wrong with the world, and only Christ can make it right again. The questions is: Will you surrender to His will and follow Him, or your own ideals about activism. Fighting the good fight according to God's word is fighting against self and living for Christ, not taking things into your own hands. The reason why Christ's path is narrow is because people like to solve things apart from Him, doing what they think is right. Those who choose the narrow path deny themselves and take up the cross and follow Him and His interests. Who have you been listening to? Yourself or Him? Do you really think that a God who is as sovereign, omnicient, merciful, etc. would want you to be so consumed with the problems of the world you live in that it physically wears you down to the point that you are in constant pain and you think that your suffering is worth it for the sake of activism? Especially in light of the fact He's granted you a son, is this really the way you want him to know you? Are you pointing Him to the goodness of God or to the fact that the world is cruel and we must sacrifice everything (health, stable home, pain, relationships) to expose it? "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, vengeance is Mine I will repay." (Romans 12:19. I don't remember Jesus illustrating in His parables that we as His sheep are to run around thinking that we can change our circumstances. Instead He encourages us to rest in His care as our shepherd. Is that not good enough for you? Do you not trust in His care for your life, He has said He's come to make it abundant. God in His grace has a plan for your life, and has created you the way you are for a glorious reason, but that glory must be for Him only and not you. This is the struggle we as Christians must face--us or Him. I know I battle with it every day, but His mercies are new every morning, and He fills my heart with a peace and love I cannot explain. Maybe that's why I feel so complelled to read your blog and pursue you as a follower in Christ (because I feel His passion for you). God He is a gentleman, He wants to be tender yet meet us where we are at. He waits for us to answer the door, until then He continues knocking gently. My prayers are with you and your son.
January 13, 2008 12:08 AM
Mama said...
In response to PJs last message--I respect your opinion but completely disagree with your argument. If you want to talk religion, I can quite talk the talk and back myself up with scripture. You seem to think Christ wants all believers to jump into a mold or press and be squeezed out into the same cookie-cutter shapes and sizes. You and I are neither the same shape, or size. You speak of Christ as a passivist and yet forget He was also an activist. American Christians hear, in Church on Sunday, plenty about "turn the other cheek", and "blessed are the meek in spirit". But the key there is "spirit". One may be a raging activist and still have a quiet and obedient spirit as regards their love and devotion to Christ. When is the last time you heard preachers give a homily about the activism of Christ? Have you heard any sermons about turning over the tables in the temple lately? You know what? In that day, had they the laws, Christ could have been arrested for: "disorderly conduct", "vandalism", "harassment" (didn't he call them "vipers!"?), and a number of other things. Christ ALSO very openly lashed out and spoke out, strongly, about some of the pharisees he believed were hypocritical. He even called them names. But of course, you won't hear that behavior being praised in Church, will you? Do you know WHY Christ was crucified? Besides being part of a "bigger plan" as believers preach, on a secular level, Christ was considered to be a troublemaker. He was different. He was also accused of being a "winebibber" (the closest thing to an "addict" in that day) and friend of "sinners", and was also directly accused of being mentally ill. Afterall, he was telling normal townsfolk that HE was the "son of God" and that the way to God and salvation was through HIM. I'm sure some thought he was a little egocentric too. Others probably thought there was something wrong with him for being so friendly with the children who were raised to listen and not speak to the elders unless spoken to. Women, in that day, were lowerclass citizens and yet Christ elevated their position. Even non-believers can read the Bible and see these things. Plenty of people, secular, Jewish, atheist, can think of the historical Jesus and at least say he was a reformer and a good man and anyone can tell he was blackballed into court, railroaded by his accusers and a weak "judge", and then made to pay for his activist ways on the cross. But that's not the "Jesus" you will hear about in Church, which is why I don't blame most people for not WANTING to go to Church. Church can be real slick, just like a business, and offer up the sedatives and comfort foods, but not give anyone any real practical advice, support, or inspiration and challenge. Making a difference in society entails doing good and much as it means one does NOT look the other way when evil or wrongdoing happens. It means having the courage to take a stand. However, we are not the same cookie. You may be a sugar cookie and maybe I'm a gingersnap. You have your own cross and destiny and I have mine. "Bear ye one anothers burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ". Your job, as a "believer", is not to attempt to remove my cross but to lend a hand. Christ did some running in his day, until he felt it was his time "to go". He hid out, even, as many activists, in many countries, are often forced to do. But Jesus rebuked Peter when Peter attempted to convince Jesus to drop the cross. I do not presume to know what your "calling" is in life, PJ, but I know what my calling is. And that's really between me and Christ Himself. If I'm good with God, then all is well, no matter how bad it may be with everyone else. I am not raising my son to be a wimp or a conformist. My son will grow into whoever he is supposed to be, and if that means pacifism for him, I'll be proud of him. But the most important thing is that he sees, in his role models, examples for conviction and strength. Only then, and/or by the grace of God, is it possible for someone to have a solid foundation in life, able to weather what life throws their way. I've weathered more than rotten tomatoes and I'm okay with that. I haven't lost my dignity or convictions, and I respect myself. I have many enemies now because of what I have said and written and have YET to write and say. But you won't hear about that in Church, will you? which is a reason I don't go. You have the same vision of Christ as some quiet, meek, loving shepherd. I want you to put another image in your mind: that of Christ, furious, red-faced, hair askew, throwing down tables and marketgoods and yelling hostile words at the sellers in the temple. Chickens flying everywhere, money sliding onto the ground, women grabbing their children and running out of the way. Men standing up with fists clenched, ready to pummel Jesus. Someone calls the police and Jesus takes off. That very same night, after a hard day's work at the temple, Jesus took a walk into the "wrong side of town" where he sat down to a meal with a known drug dealer, some users, a friendly and chatty prostitute, and the renegade son of a town official. Jesus laughs and takes a glass of wine with dinner. That same night, back among the "civilized", another group is having dinner with important people, including a police officer, the town official whose son is a renegade, a lawyer and one religious man. They are brainstorming ideas on how to best get rid of the troublemaker in town, that "Jesus". All around these two different houses, and groups of people, there are unwitting people in the town, ripe for the taking, for manipulation of their feelings and opinions. Once the right people whisper the right things to the right people, the disinformation will spread through the grapevine, setting the stage and preparing the people to accept the crucifixion of a man who has never really done anything wrong except to make some enemies. Why won't you hear about this in Church? because our society has never liked activists in the first place. It's easier to take the bandana off of Christ's head, and strip him of a possible Rambo image and replace that with a Jesus whose fingers are delicately poised above a gilded book of verse. And don't forget the halo. You know what I'd like to see? A painting of Jesus overthrowing those temple tables, WITH A HALO over his head. Thanks for the inspiration to write PJ.
January 13, 2008 8:38 AM
The thing you must consider, in that you are a serious activist, is the price your son must pay for your choices. Your life is all consumed with YOUR being a victim, what you think is right, and you sound wise in your own eyes, which the Bible makes clear is dangerous (and yes the Catholic church is fallible--too many have made choices because they are wise in their own eyes). You can't change the Catholics, or anyone else that bothers you or disadvantages you. Christ was severely disadvantaged but died for those who tried to destroy Him. There will always be something wrong with the world, and only Christ can make it right again. The questions is: Will you surrender to His will and follow Him, or your own ideals about activism. Fighting the good fight according to God's word is fighting against self and living for Christ, not taking things into your own hands. The reason why Christ's path is narrow is because people like to solve things apart from Him, doing what they think is right. Those who choose the narrow path deny themselves and take up the cross and follow Him and His interests. Who have you been listening to? Yourself or Him? Do you really think that a God who is as sovereign, omnicient, merciful, etc. would want you to be so consumed with the problems of the world you live in that it physically wears you down to the point that you are in constant pain and you think that your suffering is worth it for the sake of activism? Especially in light of the fact He's granted you a son, is this really the way you want him to know you? Are you pointing Him to the goodness of God or to the fact that the world is cruel and we must sacrifice everything (health, stable home, pain, relationships) to expose it? "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, vengeance is Mine I will repay." (Romans 12:19. I don't remember Jesus illustrating in His parables that we as His sheep are to run around thinking that we can change our circumstances. Instead He encourages us to rest in His care as our shepherd. Is that not good enough for you? Do you not trust in His care for your life, He has said He's come to make it abundant. God in His grace has a plan for your life, and has created you the way you are for a glorious reason, but that glory must be for Him only and not you. This is the struggle we as Christians must face--us or Him. I know I battle with it every day, but His mercies are new every morning, and He fills my heart with a peace and love I cannot explain. Maybe that's why I feel so complelled to read your blog and pursue you as a follower in Christ (because I feel His passion for you). God He is a gentleman, He wants to be tender yet meet us where we are at. He waits for us to answer the door, until then He continues knocking gently. My prayers are with you and your son.
January 13, 2008 12:08 AM
Mama said...
In response to PJs last message--I respect your opinion but completely disagree with your argument. If you want to talk religion, I can quite talk the talk and back myself up with scripture. You seem to think Christ wants all believers to jump into a mold or press and be squeezed out into the same cookie-cutter shapes and sizes. You and I are neither the same shape, or size. You speak of Christ as a passivist and yet forget He was also an activist. American Christians hear, in Church on Sunday, plenty about "turn the other cheek", and "blessed are the meek in spirit". But the key there is "spirit". One may be a raging activist and still have a quiet and obedient spirit as regards their love and devotion to Christ. When is the last time you heard preachers give a homily about the activism of Christ? Have you heard any sermons about turning over the tables in the temple lately? You know what? In that day, had they the laws, Christ could have been arrested for: "disorderly conduct", "vandalism", "harassment" (didn't he call them "vipers!"?), and a number of other things. Christ ALSO very openly lashed out and spoke out, strongly, about some of the pharisees he believed were hypocritical. He even called them names. But of course, you won't hear that behavior being praised in Church, will you? Do you know WHY Christ was crucified? Besides being part of a "bigger plan" as believers preach, on a secular level, Christ was considered to be a troublemaker. He was different. He was also accused of being a "winebibber" (the closest thing to an "addict" in that day) and friend of "sinners", and was also directly accused of being mentally ill. Afterall, he was telling normal townsfolk that HE was the "son of God" and that the way to God and salvation was through HIM. I'm sure some thought he was a little egocentric too. Others probably thought there was something wrong with him for being so friendly with the children who were raised to listen and not speak to the elders unless spoken to. Women, in that day, were lowerclass citizens and yet Christ elevated their position. Even non-believers can read the Bible and see these things. Plenty of people, secular, Jewish, atheist, can think of the historical Jesus and at least say he was a reformer and a good man and anyone can tell he was blackballed into court, railroaded by his accusers and a weak "judge", and then made to pay for his activist ways on the cross. But that's not the "Jesus" you will hear about in Church, which is why I don't blame most people for not WANTING to go to Church. Church can be real slick, just like a business, and offer up the sedatives and comfort foods, but not give anyone any real practical advice, support, or inspiration and challenge. Making a difference in society entails doing good and much as it means one does NOT look the other way when evil or wrongdoing happens. It means having the courage to take a stand. However, we are not the same cookie. You may be a sugar cookie and maybe I'm a gingersnap. You have your own cross and destiny and I have mine. "Bear ye one anothers burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ". Your job, as a "believer", is not to attempt to remove my cross but to lend a hand. Christ did some running in his day, until he felt it was his time "to go". He hid out, even, as many activists, in many countries, are often forced to do. But Jesus rebuked Peter when Peter attempted to convince Jesus to drop the cross. I do not presume to know what your "calling" is in life, PJ, but I know what my calling is. And that's really between me and Christ Himself. If I'm good with God, then all is well, no matter how bad it may be with everyone else. I am not raising my son to be a wimp or a conformist. My son will grow into whoever he is supposed to be, and if that means pacifism for him, I'll be proud of him. But the most important thing is that he sees, in his role models, examples for conviction and strength. Only then, and/or by the grace of God, is it possible for someone to have a solid foundation in life, able to weather what life throws their way. I've weathered more than rotten tomatoes and I'm okay with that. I haven't lost my dignity or convictions, and I respect myself. I have many enemies now because of what I have said and written and have YET to write and say. But you won't hear about that in Church, will you? which is a reason I don't go. You have the same vision of Christ as some quiet, meek, loving shepherd. I want you to put another image in your mind: that of Christ, furious, red-faced, hair askew, throwing down tables and marketgoods and yelling hostile words at the sellers in the temple. Chickens flying everywhere, money sliding onto the ground, women grabbing their children and running out of the way. Men standing up with fists clenched, ready to pummel Jesus. Someone calls the police and Jesus takes off. That very same night, after a hard day's work at the temple, Jesus took a walk into the "wrong side of town" where he sat down to a meal with a known drug dealer, some users, a friendly and chatty prostitute, and the renegade son of a town official. Jesus laughs and takes a glass of wine with dinner. That same night, back among the "civilized", another group is having dinner with important people, including a police officer, the town official whose son is a renegade, a lawyer and one religious man. They are brainstorming ideas on how to best get rid of the troublemaker in town, that "Jesus". All around these two different houses, and groups of people, there are unwitting people in the town, ripe for the taking, for manipulation of their feelings and opinions. Once the right people whisper the right things to the right people, the disinformation will spread through the grapevine, setting the stage and preparing the people to accept the crucifixion of a man who has never really done anything wrong except to make some enemies. Why won't you hear about this in Church? because our society has never liked activists in the first place. It's easier to take the bandana off of Christ's head, and strip him of a possible Rambo image and replace that with a Jesus whose fingers are delicately poised above a gilded book of verse. And don't forget the halo. You know what I'd like to see? A painting of Jesus overthrowing those temple tables, WITH A HALO over his head. Thanks for the inspiration to write PJ.
January 13, 2008 8:38 AM
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wenatchee: Healthcare Hell (#1, 2008)
I have not been well for the last 3 months. Very, very, physically sick, and my son too. I need to elaborate on that, and on more of the computer problems I've had, and other "electrical" problems (like, my son's battery-operated toy that plays music going off by itself on Christmas eve and the next day). I was told to go to a computer tech about them, who is used by police and I guess, FBI a few times as well. He said that in his 15 years of being in robotics and computers, he'd never heard of the kind of thing that has been happening to my computers.
But first, while I hardly feel able to write tonight, I need to address healthcare problems in this Wenatchee, East Wenatchee, Chelan, area. I've had a glass of wine, 1,000 mgs. Advil, 500 mg. Aleve, 1/4 of a 10 mg. Flexeril, and about 1/16th of a 10 mg. Percocet I had to squeeze out of a plastic sheath "pill box" with a dampened Q-tip. Those who have severe chronic pain with unreliable pain management will understand. I took a hot bath too and turned up the heater. There's nothing like getting frozen out of healthcare in Wenatchee, which was never very good to begin with.
For Christmas, my Christmas or New Years' Wish was for a publicly owned hospital to come into Wenatchee and give the other clinics and "hospital", Central Washington Hospital, some healthy competition. I think it's an unselfish wish as I've heard I'm not the only one with problems getting adequate healthcare in this town, but I know my wish is a little bit selfish too. In the entire Wenatchee area, there is not ONE publicly owned healthcare facility.
Central Washington Hospital is a private, non-profit hospital that has refused my requests for information about who it's "owned by"; Columbia Valley Community Health is owned by its physicians (I think, will have to double check), Wenatchee Valley Medical Clinic is owned by its physicians, and that's it. There are no independent doctors in this town. Aside from Naturopaths, that is. At first I thought the different clinics competed with one another, but that is NOT the case. They run like a conglomeration and even Hamilton, the current CEO for CWH (Central Washington Hospital), admits to the Wenatchee World, that the prospect of Wenatchee Valley Medical Center opening it's own Emergency Room, is not viewed as a threat. This would seem good, at first glance. Cooperation among healthcare providers is always good, right? And yet beneath the surface, there is a serious problem. The predominant reason for this "cooperation" is an unspoken agreement that "if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" and if one clinic is threatened with a lawsuit by a patient, the others will rally around that clinic to be sure if medical malpractice comes their way, they are returned the favor.
I have heard what it's like to break into the Asphalt and Gravel industry over here. There were "the big three" for years, according to Pamp Maiers, owner of Central Washington Asphalt, and it took some doing to squeeze in. I think it must be that way for any business over here, where there is a large community of small town folk who have mainly all grown up together and/or married into families which have come into the area and assimiliated. But it's especially strange and unique to see a kind of monopoly in effect with healthcare, where any nurse or medical practicioner is in danger of being blacklisted or out of a job if they bring up suggestions for the dreaded "change" or a patient questions lack of compliance for rules and protocol (following HIPPA laws, for example).
And, while there is "community clinic" that purports to "serve all" (Columbia Valley), the needs of the many are not met. There is ONE dental facility that serves low-income people, in the entire area, and the people in mainly hispanic speaking parts of town, where many immigrants live (and I once lived myself), have children with absessed and diseased gums, rotten teeth, and and while the kids are granted access to this dental facility (in theory), the parents are NOT covered unless it's an emergency and in that case, if you have a toothache, they'll pull out the tooth. Many adults are missing teeth, or have mercury amalgrams, even the front of their mouths.
I called this dental facility on behalf of one 10 year old hispanic girl whose parents worked for my grandparents in the orchard. She was visiting and I noticed something wasn't right with her gums when she smiled. One side looked pink and healthy, and on the other side, it was black or sort of dark brown. I also noticed discoloration on some of her teeth. I asked her if her teeth hurt and she nodded readily. I asked her where they hurt and she pointed to the discolored teeth and gum area. I asked if she would mind opening her mouth so I could see better. She didn't mind and I saw severe decay underneath the teeth, visible to the eye. They were rotting and her gums were infected and diseased. Then I saw more decay in the back of her mouth, on molars. She had at least 8 spots of disease and decay in her mouth, which were visible to the naked eye and this little girl was otherwise darling and pretty and only 10 years old. She was already losing her teeth. When I called the dental facility, they said this girl had had one examination and that 4 cavities were identified in total which had to be fixed, and she had missed her first appointment. When I talked to her parents, they said they hadn't been able to take her to the appointment, though they tried later and were told she couldn't be seen because she didn't show up last time. Whatever the exact truth is/was, what bothered me was that only 4 problem areas had been identified. I was given the exact information, over the phone as to which areas they were, too. Of course, in violation of HIPPA, and no one asked me who I was although they knew I wasn't a parent, because this is typical and standard in Wenatchee, to ignore basic laws. They were saying she had only 4 cavities? That's what they said the dentist said. She was to have one done this appointment, another done the next appointment...And no mention of fixing diseased gums. I guess I don't know that much. Maybe gums fix automatically when teeth are fixed. All I know, is that I cannot imagine it was pleasant for this young girl, to live with the pain. I saw her eating her food gingerly, on one side of her mouth. When I told the dental facility the parents said she had been refused service after their daughter missed her scheduled appointment, they said this girls problems were all her parents fault and that her parents were not good parents for attending to the problem. That didn't explain why only 4 out of 7 visible areas of cavity were identified by the professionals. The examination for identification had been recent, within 2-4 months of my call. And I would think her problems fit "emergency" standards, but the emergency hours are only early in the morning, one day a week for adults who cannot otherwise be seen. Shouldn't there be more than ONE dental facilty that serves low income, in this town? This dental facility was through CVCH, but I guess there are a few others that serve children in this town. This dental facility IS, though THE ONLY ONE in the entire area that will serve adults as well, who have full coverage through the state insurance, which usually applies only to pregnant women and special needs people.
I am too tired to write about my specific problems tonight, or to write the true story about a professional nurse who was found to be excellent in a big city, but blacklisted in this town when she suggested ideas for improvement. When I heard the story about this nurse, it confirmed the severity of the problem in this town. Whenever I think about how incredible the problem is, the big "Church Leader Sex Scandal" comes to mind. This was caused by mass hysteria and resulted in a witchhunt against innocent adults who were falsely accused of molesting thousands of children, and think it's incredible that even town police, CPS, and the judges here went along with it, and sent many innocent people to JAIL before they were exonnerated.
There are problems unique to Wenatchee. You live here as an outsider with a fresh perspective on what's going on, and it becomes apparent how this was possible. The scary part is, the environment hasn't changed. The mentality is the same, the grapevine is the same, the disregard for rules and procedures and favor for assumptions and gossip is the same. There are few checks and balances. Wenatchee is its own little "utopia" to some, and Hell for others, and anyone who lives here is on an island unto itself. When you have to drive at least an hour to 2 hours to get to another town, and there is only sagebrush and mountains inbetween, if you end up here, you may get stuck here, and will have to live with the problems as long as you're here. And believe me, those who man the fort will use anything in their power, if they don't like you, to rally support for your exile and do what they can to push you out, by force.
This night, I experience another episode of hysteria by individuals in the healthcare department, which spurs me to write when I'm not feeling well, because I hope to God someone hears this and will read the series of true stories I have to tell, from my viewpoint and the experiences of others, and be in a better position to fix the problems than I can.
This isn't the "big stuff" I have to write about, really, and it has nothing to do with certain discoveries I made recently, which came immediately before I started having massive security problems on my computer which even, according to the tech I spoke with, likely affected the health of me and my son. He said that for someone to do what they were doing on the computers I tried out, before I even went ONLINE, and to even target desktop computers and access them before I was online...He said they ONLY way to do this would be through sending a pulse to find my computer through very high radio frequency that was bleeding into my area, or by a magnetic field which is not possible without someone using sophisticated equipment or pointing a strong magnetic dish towards our house. It sounds weird, I know that. But he said this was the only way someone could do what they were doing. I will write about all the problems we were having, which I documented in a journal by hand, and the dates, very soon. It began in October or November of this last year, and continued until last Thursday night. The problems with laptops still continued even last night, but no one is accessing the desktop now, and our strange health problems stopped last Thursday. I had developed a very odd and severe unremitting pain as did my son, during this time, which I couldn't explain. I found out some things about the possible source for the severe fatigue, weaknesses, pain, and incessant muscle twitching that I and my son endured during this time. I overdosed on OTC meds and narcotics, which did nothing to help, several times trying to get rid of the pain which came out of the blue, and then ended as abruptly and altogether. In the last week my strength has come back a little, and my son is relieved from the problem as well, and has returned to his happy, independent and delightful self, though, I believe, not without consequence and side effects. He was a scared, clingy, and hurting little boy, waking up in the middle of the night, crying out the same time I was in another room suffering with the pain, or waking up next to him myself, wondering when I was going to be dead and thinking it had to be cancer. I could barely feed myself I was so weak. I couldn't write at all. I still ate well, and my son did too, but it took all my strength to lift a spoon to my mouth. I had thought my son's problems were behavioral. They were not.
But first, while I hardly feel able to write tonight, I need to address healthcare problems in this Wenatchee, East Wenatchee, Chelan, area. I've had a glass of wine, 1,000 mgs. Advil, 500 mg. Aleve, 1/4 of a 10 mg. Flexeril, and about 1/16th of a 10 mg. Percocet I had to squeeze out of a plastic sheath "pill box" with a dampened Q-tip. Those who have severe chronic pain with unreliable pain management will understand. I took a hot bath too and turned up the heater. There's nothing like getting frozen out of healthcare in Wenatchee, which was never very good to begin with.
For Christmas, my Christmas or New Years' Wish was for a publicly owned hospital to come into Wenatchee and give the other clinics and "hospital", Central Washington Hospital, some healthy competition. I think it's an unselfish wish as I've heard I'm not the only one with problems getting adequate healthcare in this town, but I know my wish is a little bit selfish too. In the entire Wenatchee area, there is not ONE publicly owned healthcare facility.
Central Washington Hospital is a private, non-profit hospital that has refused my requests for information about who it's "owned by"; Columbia Valley Community Health is owned by its physicians (I think, will have to double check), Wenatchee Valley Medical Clinic is owned by its physicians, and that's it. There are no independent doctors in this town. Aside from Naturopaths, that is. At first I thought the different clinics competed with one another, but that is NOT the case. They run like a conglomeration and even Hamilton, the current CEO for CWH (Central Washington Hospital), admits to the Wenatchee World, that the prospect of Wenatchee Valley Medical Center opening it's own Emergency Room, is not viewed as a threat. This would seem good, at first glance. Cooperation among healthcare providers is always good, right? And yet beneath the surface, there is a serious problem. The predominant reason for this "cooperation" is an unspoken agreement that "if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" and if one clinic is threatened with a lawsuit by a patient, the others will rally around that clinic to be sure if medical malpractice comes their way, they are returned the favor.
I have heard what it's like to break into the Asphalt and Gravel industry over here. There were "the big three" for years, according to Pamp Maiers, owner of Central Washington Asphalt, and it took some doing to squeeze in. I think it must be that way for any business over here, where there is a large community of small town folk who have mainly all grown up together and/or married into families which have come into the area and assimiliated. But it's especially strange and unique to see a kind of monopoly in effect with healthcare, where any nurse or medical practicioner is in danger of being blacklisted or out of a job if they bring up suggestions for the dreaded "change" or a patient questions lack of compliance for rules and protocol (following HIPPA laws, for example).
And, while there is "community clinic" that purports to "serve all" (Columbia Valley), the needs of the many are not met. There is ONE dental facility that serves low-income people, in the entire area, and the people in mainly hispanic speaking parts of town, where many immigrants live (and I once lived myself), have children with absessed and diseased gums, rotten teeth, and and while the kids are granted access to this dental facility (in theory), the parents are NOT covered unless it's an emergency and in that case, if you have a toothache, they'll pull out the tooth. Many adults are missing teeth, or have mercury amalgrams, even the front of their mouths.
I called this dental facility on behalf of one 10 year old hispanic girl whose parents worked for my grandparents in the orchard. She was visiting and I noticed something wasn't right with her gums when she smiled. One side looked pink and healthy, and on the other side, it was black or sort of dark brown. I also noticed discoloration on some of her teeth. I asked her if her teeth hurt and she nodded readily. I asked her where they hurt and she pointed to the discolored teeth and gum area. I asked if she would mind opening her mouth so I could see better. She didn't mind and I saw severe decay underneath the teeth, visible to the eye. They were rotting and her gums were infected and diseased. Then I saw more decay in the back of her mouth, on molars. She had at least 8 spots of disease and decay in her mouth, which were visible to the naked eye and this little girl was otherwise darling and pretty and only 10 years old. She was already losing her teeth. When I called the dental facility, they said this girl had had one examination and that 4 cavities were identified in total which had to be fixed, and she had missed her first appointment. When I talked to her parents, they said they hadn't been able to take her to the appointment, though they tried later and were told she couldn't be seen because she didn't show up last time. Whatever the exact truth is/was, what bothered me was that only 4 problem areas had been identified. I was given the exact information, over the phone as to which areas they were, too. Of course, in violation of HIPPA, and no one asked me who I was although they knew I wasn't a parent, because this is typical and standard in Wenatchee, to ignore basic laws. They were saying she had only 4 cavities? That's what they said the dentist said. She was to have one done this appointment, another done the next appointment...And no mention of fixing diseased gums. I guess I don't know that much. Maybe gums fix automatically when teeth are fixed. All I know, is that I cannot imagine it was pleasant for this young girl, to live with the pain. I saw her eating her food gingerly, on one side of her mouth. When I told the dental facility the parents said she had been refused service after their daughter missed her scheduled appointment, they said this girls problems were all her parents fault and that her parents were not good parents for attending to the problem. That didn't explain why only 4 out of 7 visible areas of cavity were identified by the professionals. The examination for identification had been recent, within 2-4 months of my call. And I would think her problems fit "emergency" standards, but the emergency hours are only early in the morning, one day a week for adults who cannot otherwise be seen. Shouldn't there be more than ONE dental facilty that serves low income, in this town? This dental facility was through CVCH, but I guess there are a few others that serve children in this town. This dental facility IS, though THE ONLY ONE in the entire area that will serve adults as well, who have full coverage through the state insurance, which usually applies only to pregnant women and special needs people.
I am too tired to write about my specific problems tonight, or to write the true story about a professional nurse who was found to be excellent in a big city, but blacklisted in this town when she suggested ideas for improvement. When I heard the story about this nurse, it confirmed the severity of the problem in this town. Whenever I think about how incredible the problem is, the big "Church Leader Sex Scandal" comes to mind. This was caused by mass hysteria and resulted in a witchhunt against innocent adults who were falsely accused of molesting thousands of children, and think it's incredible that even town police, CPS, and the judges here went along with it, and sent many innocent people to JAIL before they were exonnerated.
There are problems unique to Wenatchee. You live here as an outsider with a fresh perspective on what's going on, and it becomes apparent how this was possible. The scary part is, the environment hasn't changed. The mentality is the same, the grapevine is the same, the disregard for rules and procedures and favor for assumptions and gossip is the same. There are few checks and balances. Wenatchee is its own little "utopia" to some, and Hell for others, and anyone who lives here is on an island unto itself. When you have to drive at least an hour to 2 hours to get to another town, and there is only sagebrush and mountains inbetween, if you end up here, you may get stuck here, and will have to live with the problems as long as you're here. And believe me, those who man the fort will use anything in their power, if they don't like you, to rally support for your exile and do what they can to push you out, by force.
This night, I experience another episode of hysteria by individuals in the healthcare department, which spurs me to write when I'm not feeling well, because I hope to God someone hears this and will read the series of true stories I have to tell, from my viewpoint and the experiences of others, and be in a better position to fix the problems than I can.
This isn't the "big stuff" I have to write about, really, and it has nothing to do with certain discoveries I made recently, which came immediately before I started having massive security problems on my computer which even, according to the tech I spoke with, likely affected the health of me and my son. He said that for someone to do what they were doing on the computers I tried out, before I even went ONLINE, and to even target desktop computers and access them before I was online...He said they ONLY way to do this would be through sending a pulse to find my computer through very high radio frequency that was bleeding into my area, or by a magnetic field which is not possible without someone using sophisticated equipment or pointing a strong magnetic dish towards our house. It sounds weird, I know that. But he said this was the only way someone could do what they were doing. I will write about all the problems we were having, which I documented in a journal by hand, and the dates, very soon. It began in October or November of this last year, and continued until last Thursday night. The problems with laptops still continued even last night, but no one is accessing the desktop now, and our strange health problems stopped last Thursday. I had developed a very odd and severe unremitting pain as did my son, during this time, which I couldn't explain. I found out some things about the possible source for the severe fatigue, weaknesses, pain, and incessant muscle twitching that I and my son endured during this time. I overdosed on OTC meds and narcotics, which did nothing to help, several times trying to get rid of the pain which came out of the blue, and then ended as abruptly and altogether. In the last week my strength has come back a little, and my son is relieved from the problem as well, and has returned to his happy, independent and delightful self, though, I believe, not without consequence and side effects. He was a scared, clingy, and hurting little boy, waking up in the middle of the night, crying out the same time I was in another room suffering with the pain, or waking up next to him myself, wondering when I was going to be dead and thinking it had to be cancer. I could barely feed myself I was so weak. I couldn't write at all. I still ate well, and my son did too, but it took all my strength to lift a spoon to my mouth. I had thought my son's problems were behavioral. They were not.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
My Personal Computer Hackers
I've things to write, but decided to add a couple clips from webcam. One is of my son, and the other is of me singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and an original song I wrote years ago. Wish I had my guitar...But I made do without. I thought about including a clip of me when I first got the webcam going, experimenting...But I don't know. It's fairly long and boring. I'll upload these first two clips and then decide later. Oh, the other thing is that I've had pretty bad security issues with my computers lately. Someone or some group has been spending a lot of time accessing my computers through Wifi when it's not even enabled by me. It doesn't make sense to me but a couple techs told me this was possible with WiFi or Bluetooth. I've tried 3 different computers that are new, and before I ever go online, I'm having problems. I'm told this is impossible without pretty good equipment as usually remote access is only good up to 10 to 30 feet from the computer.
I've had someone posting photos on Slingbox folders, where they were storing some of my webcam material and rating it with stars. Like, 3 stars. The main photo that was attached was a shot of a basketball player slam-dunking a hoop over the head of another player who was cowering below. The jersey of the slam-dunker was solid yellow.
Also, significance was made of certain dates. All of the sample media clips were fixed with dates that were not the original or normal dates. It was clear someone wanted to make particular dates of signficance to me. I wrote down the dates: April 23, 2007 was the date labled under the Slingbox basketball photo. One date that featured almost throughout was November 2. 2006 which was on every single photos and November 30, 1999. However, aside from the basketball shot, I question whether I'm right about the significance of the dates. When I went to the store, on the display model, the clips had other dates and then my computer reverted back to these original dates too.
I've also had problems trying to post to Blogger. In the last weeks I made many attempts which failed. I've had weird things happening to the keyboard too. I will type a word, hitting all the keys, and yet they won't all show up. It's happened on 2 different brand new laptops so I know it's not a faulty keyboard function.
When I get a new computer, I'll take it out of the box, and keep it disconnected from the Internet. What has happened is that although I have the WiFi button physically slid over to "off", it overrides this and I can see all the lights show it's on. When I was in the first screen for MS Vista, where you first type in a username, and then password, I typed in a name for username and then punched down to the password button. I left for a moment to get a cup of coffee, came back, and the curser was no longer on the password box but back on the username box, and my name had been deleted and replaced with an "x". I thought maybe there was a system reason, but several techs have said this is not normal.
The function buttons become disabled too, and when I tried to edit permissions to these cam clips to give me the ownership and rights, I wasn't able to...The bar and boxes were on fade-out so I couldn't check them. From what I understand though, the creator is the owner, and any network or additional user or group other than myself has been unauthorized.
I'm thinking I may want to try YouTube for this, because this upload is so slow and has failed multiple times. It has taken about 10 minutes to process 2 MB of 210 MB.
If you don't see the videos here, look for them on YouTube.
I've had someone posting photos on Slingbox folders, where they were storing some of my webcam material and rating it with stars. Like, 3 stars. The main photo that was attached was a shot of a basketball player slam-dunking a hoop over the head of another player who was cowering below. The jersey of the slam-dunker was solid yellow.
Also, significance was made of certain dates. All of the sample media clips were fixed with dates that were not the original or normal dates. It was clear someone wanted to make particular dates of signficance to me. I wrote down the dates: April 23, 2007 was the date labled under the Slingbox basketball photo. One date that featured almost throughout was November 2. 2006 which was on every single photos and November 30, 1999. However, aside from the basketball shot, I question whether I'm right about the significance of the dates. When I went to the store, on the display model, the clips had other dates and then my computer reverted back to these original dates too.
I've also had problems trying to post to Blogger. In the last weeks I made many attempts which failed. I've had weird things happening to the keyboard too. I will type a word, hitting all the keys, and yet they won't all show up. It's happened on 2 different brand new laptops so I know it's not a faulty keyboard function.
When I get a new computer, I'll take it out of the box, and keep it disconnected from the Internet. What has happened is that although I have the WiFi button physically slid over to "off", it overrides this and I can see all the lights show it's on. When I was in the first screen for MS Vista, where you first type in a username, and then password, I typed in a name for username and then punched down to the password button. I left for a moment to get a cup of coffee, came back, and the curser was no longer on the password box but back on the username box, and my name had been deleted and replaced with an "x". I thought maybe there was a system reason, but several techs have said this is not normal.
The function buttons become disabled too, and when I tried to edit permissions to these cam clips to give me the ownership and rights, I wasn't able to...The bar and boxes were on fade-out so I couldn't check them. From what I understand though, the creator is the owner, and any network or additional user or group other than myself has been unauthorized.
I'm thinking I may want to try YouTube for this, because this upload is so slow and has failed multiple times. It has taken about 10 minutes to process 2 MB of 210 MB.
If you don't see the videos here, look for them on YouTube.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)