I had dreams and woke up this morning sad about my son. I saw my son upset when he was told he wasn't going to see me today. Acting out then or later. I also woke up hating the U.S. and this town, after they've done what they've done to me and my son. I decided to look for a lawyer who knows something about international law or who could sue for the U.S.-Canada stuff.
I had one song that came to mind when I wasn't sure why, and it was an old one, "When I See You Smile", from the 80s, and it came to mind at about 10 minutes to 9 a.m.
I also had the thought about how low people have tried to bring me and the horrible things they've done and how ludicrous certain things seem to be--something I got about what was for my future, but I figured, well, I guess only God knows how that will work out. Nothing is impossible with God and if something is determined despite all the jealousies and hostilities and how bad I look, then I still believe it is something that can be determined and will come to pass and one way or the other, I don't have to worry abuot it right now.
I was brought to tears, but what is amazing is that I only cried for 4-6 minutes and that was it. Then I shrugged it off and it was off and what is amazing is that these disgusting and most low things have been done and yet I can still feel peace and contentment inside. I would wonder what was wrong with me if I didn't or hadn't cried, but what is shocking is that I was able to firm up and know that it is back to the Ivana saying, "Don't get mad, get even." nothing is accomplished by worrying. I can have peace that transcends understanding even in the middle of the worst things done to me and even to my son and it's not because I am numb or because I don't care, but because letting something get to me won't solve anything and it also is only what my enemies would want--for me to "feel" pain, unhappiness, or misery. If they can't get to you, as in getting under your skin, they can laugh all the want but they are not able to win. The only reason they even laugh is because in their imagination, you are suffering. It is not so much the circumstances or the appearance as much as the desired imagined goal of having acheived the suffering of someone else. And while appearances may be something to laugh at, they're only appearances. You don't judge a book by the cover, even after it's been used, thrown around, and trashed. If it's still a good story and a good book, and worth the print, it's still worth something.
The censored and banned books are only dangerous for what is on the inside and what others fear about the contents inside.
If you don't care and it doesn't affect you, then they haven't been able to tear even one page out. You are still intact and whole. You may have suffered something but no one was able to take what was inside. And that's the most important thing, because book covers are a dime a dozen. And any book that has lost its cover can always be rebound and renewed.
I think it's like bankruptcy stuff too. People who file look bad for awhile and it looks like they've lost a lot but if they are smart and have what it takes, they are able to get it all back. Donald Trump (since I'm on a trump theme).
Monday, August 2, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Bad Vibe At Church Building
I went to this other church today and something didn't feel right. I met this one man who I really liked and his brother too.
But everything else...there were other people there who were bad energy.
Someone or some group had set up so many things to be harassing to me, I couldn't stay. I sensed the bad energy before I ever saw all the things though.
I sensed sadness from my son and someone else who really loves me. There were good people there, I knew, but many more who were not good or good for me.
There are 3 different congregations and it may have had something to do with one or another or just one particular person or someoen who was trying to set things up. I didn't like it so I explained to these men who were very nice, and I left.
As I talked to them it was good, and as I left the bad energy was left behind.
Then, I came around a corner and some guy is just waiting there to harass me and then another sitting in a truck staring and surveilling me. I flipped him off and felt good about it. Like God approved.
There were a couple people who seemed fine and then this one guy and his brother seemed fine. But something else wasn't okay and I never felt so reassured as to leave.
I said I needed to pray and then as I was leaving, I felt so much better I realized I didn't need to pray at all. I had just needed to leave bc someone there or some kind of energy there was not FOR me but was against me.
*****************
I also know people are just setting things up if they know where I'm going. I had told a few people which church I was going to try and sure enough, people set things up.
Then of course everyone knows my situation and where I would next logically go for something to eat if my things have all been stolen.
I really don't like it. It's like contest set up on totally suspicious grounds.
I know there were a lot of good people there. But something wasn't right. It was sort of fine at first and then I got this feeling of being too distracted to concentrate and wanted to pray on my own.
***************
I got to the homeless shelter and had something to eat with the others and felt better still. I opened up a Bible to Isaiah 17 and read this and then to the woman with 10 coins, Luke 15:8. Samuel came to mind but I didn't randomly open to Sam I or II.
I turned to 2 Sam and then ended up reading Sam, ch. 6. It's where I ended up and it's about David dancing before God and how Michal is embarressed and chastises him for being undignified and David says it was for God, not her, and God had chosen him over all others and he would be honored by slave girls but not her. And she had no children all her days. I guess it was a parable about not mocking those who love God.
Then I finished with Psalm 90. There is a man preaching at the shelter too while I write and he's not bad. I am waiting on hot water for tea.
But everything else...there were other people there who were bad energy.
Someone or some group had set up so many things to be harassing to me, I couldn't stay. I sensed the bad energy before I ever saw all the things though.
I sensed sadness from my son and someone else who really loves me. There were good people there, I knew, but many more who were not good or good for me.
There are 3 different congregations and it may have had something to do with one or another or just one particular person or someoen who was trying to set things up. I didn't like it so I explained to these men who were very nice, and I left.
As I talked to them it was good, and as I left the bad energy was left behind.
Then, I came around a corner and some guy is just waiting there to harass me and then another sitting in a truck staring and surveilling me. I flipped him off and felt good about it. Like God approved.
There were a couple people who seemed fine and then this one guy and his brother seemed fine. But something else wasn't okay and I never felt so reassured as to leave.
I said I needed to pray and then as I was leaving, I felt so much better I realized I didn't need to pray at all. I had just needed to leave bc someone there or some kind of energy there was not FOR me but was against me.
*****************
I also know people are just setting things up if they know where I'm going. I had told a few people which church I was going to try and sure enough, people set things up.
Then of course everyone knows my situation and where I would next logically go for something to eat if my things have all been stolen.
I really don't like it. It's like contest set up on totally suspicious grounds.
I know there were a lot of good people there. But something wasn't right. It was sort of fine at first and then I got this feeling of being too distracted to concentrate and wanted to pray on my own.
***************
I got to the homeless shelter and had something to eat with the others and felt better still. I opened up a Bible to Isaiah 17 and read this and then to the woman with 10 coins, Luke 15:8. Samuel came to mind but I didn't randomly open to Sam I or II.
I turned to 2 Sam and then ended up reading Sam, ch. 6. It's where I ended up and it's about David dancing before God and how Michal is embarressed and chastises him for being undignified and David says it was for God, not her, and God had chosen him over all others and he would be honored by slave girls but not her. And she had no children all her days. I guess it was a parable about not mocking those who love God.
Then I finished with Psalm 90. There is a man preaching at the shelter too while I write and he's not bad. I am waiting on hot water for tea.
My Abnormal BP of 105/ Indicates Heart Problems
I don't know why I was told everyone gets material about heart attack and heart failure and disease.
I just read about my blood pressure and it is abnormally low enough to be an indicator of heart problems, if it is not from a medication.
A low diastolic number (the bottom number) indicates cardiovascular problems.
Well no wonder.
Am I "delusional" and mentally ill or have I been accurately reporting technology that has been used against me which is military in nature and affects my heart?
It's either meds or technology or both. I know for a fact that some of it is technology because I know exactly what the effects are on my heart and it's from something used which causes a computer or other thing to be a conduit. That, and then there was the other military thing, where it was the sudden zapping or whatever that caused my heart to stop or turn over when someone was pointing something in my direction.
I've had people ask about genetic health issues and there is nothing with cancer or any other thing. The only one in the whole family with heart problems, was my father's father. That is one person, who had heart attacks in old age.
Then my mother's father had a heart attack recently and this was unusual.
The other symptoms I've had are of severe edema and leg swelling, which was during a time when the technology stuff was extremely bad, and when I took photos. If I was also on meds without consent I am sure that this contributes.
I am looking at my nails and my nails on my left hand are bluish in contrast to my right hand. I've had this happen before and they called it cyosis or something. It happened when I was pregnant with my son.
************
My laptop has been doing that same overheating thing on and off since this morning. No one from any agency has ever checked it out at all, sitting next to me or waiting for it to happen.
The only time I didn't have these problems was when I was with my ex from Colombia, Alvaro, and while I was working but before I was pregnant. I never had problems with my laptop on the East Coast, ever. I had serious problems with other things when I was pregnant but that was it.
It is only over here that this has gone on.
I also know that what happens to me is also happening to my son.
*****************
I am getting medical records signed for on Monday and then I am getting all the audio recordings to hearings I've missed as well, which, for some reason, the State doesn't want me to see or hear. I wonder why?
I just read about my blood pressure and it is abnormally low enough to be an indicator of heart problems, if it is not from a medication.
A low diastolic number (the bottom number) indicates cardiovascular problems.
Well no wonder.
Am I "delusional" and mentally ill or have I been accurately reporting technology that has been used against me which is military in nature and affects my heart?
It's either meds or technology or both. I know for a fact that some of it is technology because I know exactly what the effects are on my heart and it's from something used which causes a computer or other thing to be a conduit. That, and then there was the other military thing, where it was the sudden zapping or whatever that caused my heart to stop or turn over when someone was pointing something in my direction.
I've had people ask about genetic health issues and there is nothing with cancer or any other thing. The only one in the whole family with heart problems, was my father's father. That is one person, who had heart attacks in old age.
Then my mother's father had a heart attack recently and this was unusual.
The other symptoms I've had are of severe edema and leg swelling, which was during a time when the technology stuff was extremely bad, and when I took photos. If I was also on meds without consent I am sure that this contributes.
I am looking at my nails and my nails on my left hand are bluish in contrast to my right hand. I've had this happen before and they called it cyosis or something. It happened when I was pregnant with my son.
************
My laptop has been doing that same overheating thing on and off since this morning. No one from any agency has ever checked it out at all, sitting next to me or waiting for it to happen.
The only time I didn't have these problems was when I was with my ex from Colombia, Alvaro, and while I was working but before I was pregnant. I never had problems with my laptop on the East Coast, ever. I had serious problems with other things when I was pregnant but that was it.
It is only over here that this has gone on.
I also know that what happens to me is also happening to my son.
*****************
I am getting medical records signed for on Monday and then I am getting all the audio recordings to hearings I've missed as well, which, for some reason, the State doesn't want me to see or hear. I wonder why?
Chelsea's Wedding
Not reading the articles because I don't care, but the photos are pretty. Chelsea's dress is classic and will look okay in years to come, and I particularly like the skirt on her. Hillary looks very pretty actually.
The only part I was sort of surprised by was the beau because the thought crossed my mind, upon seeing his photo, that he may be gay or bi or maybe latent gay. But that's just a thought I had and has no basis in fact. I guess there are a lot of women for whom it doesn't matter anyway. I do not mean this as an insult at all, it was more of a perception that I wondered about, if it was true or not bc I don't know why it came to mind. It has nothing to do with the prayer shawl or anything like that. It was more from the face, in a photo, but I am sure I'm wrong and it's none of my business but since it came to mind, I just wonder whether or not I'm wrong, on the intuitive level thing.
The only part I was sort of surprised by was the beau because the thought crossed my mind, upon seeing his photo, that he may be gay or bi or maybe latent gay. But that's just a thought I had and has no basis in fact. I guess there are a lot of women for whom it doesn't matter anyway. I do not mean this as an insult at all, it was more of a perception that I wondered about, if it was true or not bc I don't know why it came to mind. It has nothing to do with the prayer shawl or anything like that. It was more from the face, in a photo, but I am sure I'm wrong and it's none of my business but since it came to mind, I just wonder whether or not I'm wrong, on the intuitive level thing.
other harassment or mindgames
a few other things have happened but I'm not writing any of it down until I have the computer guy clean things up and secure the laptop better.
images at hospital and the tubes tied question
I had a few images but it was more just aimless thoughts passing through, like everyone has. I went in for migraine and was there for 5 hours or more. I went in at around 10 p.m. and I was there until 3:30 p.m.
When I was discharged, it was with instructions for migraine and for heart disease and heart attack. They explained it was just new information they were providing for everyone who came in now. The only strange thing on my chart was that they had the time marked for PST but then specifically for Los Angeles. I don't know why Los Angeles.
While there, when I got my shot I was trying to think of other things and allowing whatever come to mind as I exhaled and as I did so I first saw yellow daffodils. Secondly, oak leaves from an oak tree. I saw yellow flowers and assumed they were daffodils.
Then, I was lying there and I saw a dark blond man I used to know, crying or sort of whimpering and saying "I don't want to do this anymore." But I don't have any idea what it was in regard to and all I saw was the face and expression and got the saying. He was someone from D.C. Do what? I have no idea what the context was or who he was saying this to, if anyone.
Then I was thinking about soenoe who I once chatted with about being the "prince of darkness" and how that person said it could fit something and how they asked about nic cage a lot and so then Nic Cage came to mind for a split second and next I saw someone I thought was Brad Pitt with a moustache and then wondered if it was not Pitt but looked more like the guy from Titanic but with a moustache. Leonardo diCaprio. that was about it. All of it was normal thought progression except for the:
yellow flowers and oak leaves (where that came from I don't know, at 1 or 1:30 at night)
and
the man saying he didn't want to do something anymore (and i have no idea what)--I am pretty sure it was this one guy but I might be slightly off. pretty sure though.
******************************
When I was given the DHE, I was given the shot in my arm, which I haven't had done before and it caused all the muscles to jerk and spasm uncontrollably for some time. It was severe onset of benign fasciculations.
I am sort of wondering why I had to wait so long to get a shot and then I thought I saw Dr. Freed there, at the other hospital (Central) but it may have been someone else. It looked like him from a distance.
I noticed that when I said I had allergies, instead of giving me a wristband with the allergies listed, the nurse told me they were leaving it "blank" so the doctors knew to look it up in the computer.
Why leave it blank? unless I am allergic to other things that they don't want me to know about which are somewhere in my chart? I am just wondering.
I also question why such a long wait when it's just DHE. Or so I think. The Vicodin was real this time, at least. I'm sure the DHE was too but I wonder still, about some other things.
The doctor on call asked me if I was pregnant, which is typical of a question that's asked and I said no and then he asked, "Are your tubes tied or do you have malfunctioning ovaries?" I have never been asked this question in my whole life. Tubes tied? inferior or malfunctioning ovaries? He may have phrased it, "So your tubes aren't tied? malfunctioning ovaries?" It was Dr. Hughes.
I wasn't even asked about my periods or when I had the last one.
I asked for a test on my electrolytes because of the fasciculations (which I made a nurse feel, named Albert, at least that's what it said). He felt them and I said "That is what I call benign fasciculations" so that one of these medical persons knows I know what I'm talking about and I'm not delusional. The nurse nodded and could see I was telling the truth and giving an accurate description. So they ordered bloodwork but this time, it was 4 vials. I only had one of them used for an electrolytes check I was told.
I asked to look at my blood and saw it was extremely fluid and sort of thin but it appeared to be a dark color. It was frothy but I thought this was from the way maybe the blood was drawn.
I said I wanted to know if my blood was used for any kind of experimentation or analysis other than what they told me and that I wanted to sign a consent form if they wanted to do more. She said they wouldn't and that it would be thrown out after 6 days.
Supposedly, everything was normal range this time. Which is unusual for me bc usually when I'm in the ER, I have low potassium and some abnormalities.
This time, I was told, I was only low range but not abnormal range, for salt (sodium--Na). I don't know why but I have some ideas.
My temp was normal at 98.6 and I don't remember heart rate and then my blood pressure was 105/60 which is low.
**************
I asked my parents if they were ever involved in any kind of medications used on me and they said no, they were not. But they didn't deny I was on medications or that this had been tried or used--they just said they were not involved in this.
When I was discharged, it was with instructions for migraine and for heart disease and heart attack. They explained it was just new information they were providing for everyone who came in now. The only strange thing on my chart was that they had the time marked for PST but then specifically for Los Angeles. I don't know why Los Angeles.
While there, when I got my shot I was trying to think of other things and allowing whatever come to mind as I exhaled and as I did so I first saw yellow daffodils. Secondly, oak leaves from an oak tree. I saw yellow flowers and assumed they were daffodils.
Then, I was lying there and I saw a dark blond man I used to know, crying or sort of whimpering and saying "I don't want to do this anymore." But I don't have any idea what it was in regard to and all I saw was the face and expression and got the saying. He was someone from D.C. Do what? I have no idea what the context was or who he was saying this to, if anyone.
Then I was thinking about soenoe who I once chatted with about being the "prince of darkness" and how that person said it could fit something and how they asked about nic cage a lot and so then Nic Cage came to mind for a split second and next I saw someone I thought was Brad Pitt with a moustache and then wondered if it was not Pitt but looked more like the guy from Titanic but with a moustache. Leonardo diCaprio. that was about it. All of it was normal thought progression except for the:
yellow flowers and oak leaves (where that came from I don't know, at 1 or 1:30 at night)
and
the man saying he didn't want to do something anymore (and i have no idea what)--I am pretty sure it was this one guy but I might be slightly off. pretty sure though.
******************************
When I was given the DHE, I was given the shot in my arm, which I haven't had done before and it caused all the muscles to jerk and spasm uncontrollably for some time. It was severe onset of benign fasciculations.
I am sort of wondering why I had to wait so long to get a shot and then I thought I saw Dr. Freed there, at the other hospital (Central) but it may have been someone else. It looked like him from a distance.
I noticed that when I said I had allergies, instead of giving me a wristband with the allergies listed, the nurse told me they were leaving it "blank" so the doctors knew to look it up in the computer.
Why leave it blank? unless I am allergic to other things that they don't want me to know about which are somewhere in my chart? I am just wondering.
I also question why such a long wait when it's just DHE. Or so I think. The Vicodin was real this time, at least. I'm sure the DHE was too but I wonder still, about some other things.
The doctor on call asked me if I was pregnant, which is typical of a question that's asked and I said no and then he asked, "Are your tubes tied or do you have malfunctioning ovaries?" I have never been asked this question in my whole life. Tubes tied? inferior or malfunctioning ovaries? He may have phrased it, "So your tubes aren't tied? malfunctioning ovaries?" It was Dr. Hughes.
I wasn't even asked about my periods or when I had the last one.
I asked for a test on my electrolytes because of the fasciculations (which I made a nurse feel, named Albert, at least that's what it said). He felt them and I said "That is what I call benign fasciculations" so that one of these medical persons knows I know what I'm talking about and I'm not delusional. The nurse nodded and could see I was telling the truth and giving an accurate description. So they ordered bloodwork but this time, it was 4 vials. I only had one of them used for an electrolytes check I was told.
I asked to look at my blood and saw it was extremely fluid and sort of thin but it appeared to be a dark color. It was frothy but I thought this was from the way maybe the blood was drawn.
I said I wanted to know if my blood was used for any kind of experimentation or analysis other than what they told me and that I wanted to sign a consent form if they wanted to do more. She said they wouldn't and that it would be thrown out after 6 days.
Supposedly, everything was normal range this time. Which is unusual for me bc usually when I'm in the ER, I have low potassium and some abnormalities.
This time, I was told, I was only low range but not abnormal range, for salt (sodium--Na). I don't know why but I have some ideas.
My temp was normal at 98.6 and I don't remember heart rate and then my blood pressure was 105/60 which is low.
**************
I asked my parents if they were ever involved in any kind of medications used on me and they said no, they were not. But they didn't deny I was on medications or that this had been tried or used--they just said they were not involved in this.
Theft of My Property Again (more accruing damages)
I just had someone steal from me and try to upset my efforts at getting my son again.
My only sweater that I had to my name here was taken so now I have no sweater and my cash and food card was stolen.
I knew it had happened this morning because it came to mind that someone was taking my sweater which had my foodstamp and cash card. It wasn't in an image form, it was a distinct impression and alert-notice. I guess "this morning" now means Sunday morning but I had a feeling about on Saturday morning (yesterday) so it was either intuition or a premonition of what was going to happen.
I get new money on that card today, and I cannot access it without having a card. Everyone here knows that the only way to get a new one is to go to the State offices which banned me from going there.
I won't have money for Sunday, and then I can't even call until Monday and because I have been wrongly "banned" from a public State office for services, I cannot get a new card by mail securely because I have had repeated mail problems.
So I called for an Officer and 2 showed up and they basically said there was nothing they could do and I didn't want to give all of the information on the theft at this time for safety reasons.
One of them said, "Can't you get another card at a diffferent office?" and I said "No. Out of town?" Without money I cannot even go out of town anyway and I'm not leaving. I have a right to get my son back and get records and for New Trial.
Then they said if I called ahead of time to go in specifically for services, DHSH would probably let me do that.
I said, "Any time I've ever gone there, has been only for "services" (why else would I want to even go there?) and they asked the Judge to ban me completely, altogether."
The fact that this was done now harms my ability to have a lost or stolen card replaced immediately. It takes 5 minutes in person and if I have to wait for mail, which is not even secure in my case, it could be days. What am I supposed to do in the meantime? With no money and no food?
The Officers said, "Maybe Serve Wenatchee will give you some cash to get by" by that organization basically said they were discriminating against me and would not help me with the same things they help others with and the only thing they'd ever contribute might be food. Even when I went there for food, they didn't tell me where the foodbank is. I guess God led me to the right place Himself, despite them.
I also went into Serve Wenatchee last time and they had one book displayed on their main end table, for all to see and it was Bambi. That was it, and then they handed me a small package of Oreo cookies and said there was no other food. They didn't even tell me about the foodbank.
******************************
I basically have more grounds now, for damages for being improperly and wrongly banned from a State services office. My idea is to take everything to federal court but I'm not moving. I have a right to get my son back and also, to have housing here.
That is a right, not a privilege. And a right which I was deprived of
My only sweater that I had to my name here was taken so now I have no sweater and my cash and food card was stolen.
I knew it had happened this morning because it came to mind that someone was taking my sweater which had my foodstamp and cash card. It wasn't in an image form, it was a distinct impression and alert-notice. I guess "this morning" now means Sunday morning but I had a feeling about on Saturday morning (yesterday) so it was either intuition or a premonition of what was going to happen.
I get new money on that card today, and I cannot access it without having a card. Everyone here knows that the only way to get a new one is to go to the State offices which banned me from going there.
I won't have money for Sunday, and then I can't even call until Monday and because I have been wrongly "banned" from a public State office for services, I cannot get a new card by mail securely because I have had repeated mail problems.
So I called for an Officer and 2 showed up and they basically said there was nothing they could do and I didn't want to give all of the information on the theft at this time for safety reasons.
One of them said, "Can't you get another card at a diffferent office?" and I said "No. Out of town?" Without money I cannot even go out of town anyway and I'm not leaving. I have a right to get my son back and get records and for New Trial.
Then they said if I called ahead of time to go in specifically for services, DHSH would probably let me do that.
I said, "Any time I've ever gone there, has been only for "services" (why else would I want to even go there?) and they asked the Judge to ban me completely, altogether."
The fact that this was done now harms my ability to have a lost or stolen card replaced immediately. It takes 5 minutes in person and if I have to wait for mail, which is not even secure in my case, it could be days. What am I supposed to do in the meantime? With no money and no food?
The Officers said, "Maybe Serve Wenatchee will give you some cash to get by" by that organization basically said they were discriminating against me and would not help me with the same things they help others with and the only thing they'd ever contribute might be food. Even when I went there for food, they didn't tell me where the foodbank is. I guess God led me to the right place Himself, despite them.
I also went into Serve Wenatchee last time and they had one book displayed on their main end table, for all to see and it was Bambi. That was it, and then they handed me a small package of Oreo cookies and said there was no other food. They didn't even tell me about the foodbank.
******************************
I basically have more grounds now, for damages for being improperly and wrongly banned from a State services office. My idea is to take everything to federal court but I'm not moving. I have a right to get my son back and also, to have housing here.
That is a right, not a privilege. And a right which I was deprived of
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