I can't live in this country anymore. It conceals its corruptions better than any other country, and makes false promises of Justice for All. You cannot have Justice for All and capitalism too.
I would rather live in a Muslim country, which is, I believe, the only country that would be interested in publishing my book. My problems began after I worked as a volunteer at a Catholic monastery and was involved in that church and some clergy and monks. There are still some Muslim countries that understand and do not whitewash what the Vatican and Catholic church are really like.
If I am not even allowed to tell my story online as an American, while others continue to slam me and abuse me through a corrupt justice system, it's pointless to stay here. All I need is my documentation of what the justice system has done and refused to do after what I've been through, and the privileges that are afforded the highest bidder, and I'm out of here. But I'm not leaving without my papers and proof. I don't think it's coincidental that my driver's licenses have all disappeared. Umm, about 15 of them in the last year. I told law enforcement and others I was going to leave, and you can't leave the country without one. I think the police have taken them, whenever I've left them at my house while out without them. If I was gone, and they saw a license, they probably figured it was an extra one because I'd have one with me, and they would take it. I believe this is why the police will frame me and charge me with all kinds of traffic crap (ever since I reported the FBI guys in 2004), and profile, but they know they will be caught if they try to cite me for not having a license with me when THEY took it and had to document this in records. How many times have I paid for a license? and where do they end up? I'm not getting another one. If I get pulled over AGAIN, for something stupid like a reflector being a-kilter, or brake lights or tabs when I'm parked in a parking lot or gas station, and the police come around directly to MY car, and ask me where my license is, I will let them know: "You TOOK it". And then I'll tell them to call their boss and tell him I want the last one they took BACK.
Of course, by the time I and my son leave this shithole of a country on the Earth, I will either have to get a new license, get a fake one, or just get the Hell OUT without one. And that is not an impossibility.
And the more I think about it, why even wait for my records? I've made about 30 FOIA requests to the FBI in the year following the 2004 incident and they refused to respond. They didn't want me to have anything to take to a lawyer. Two years later I get one record that is partial and they refused to give me one document that was a medical record. It had to have been MY medical record, and how would someone obtain this without my consent, unless I was being targeted.
The justice system, all the way through, has been abusive and prejudiced to cater to the party with the most money or influence. My last attempt to hold people accountable for what happened, and the corporate cover-up that occured, would have to be made to the DOJ, and I just talked to the DOJ yesterday and the guy asked me not to submit my statement, as he restructured my complaint. If you twist a complaint the right way, it's easier to drop or dismiss. Omit evidence or certain facts, and the offense goes down from felony to misdemeanor. Use the wrong legal theory and have it dismissed because the case doesn't fit. There are all kinds of ways to shuffle papers.
Those with money are able to hire and pay for civil rights lawyers. For the rest of us, we don't get to have our civil rights enforced. Nor are we allowed to have a voice.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Politics of Removing My Blog
This is getting interesting.
I researched different blog hosts and thought Google sounded like the most supportive of free speech. I researched the law to make sure I would not get into trouble for what I wrote and that I was within legal boundaries. And then I made sure to tell the truth, without exaggeration. Exaggeration is as good as lying, in my opinion.
From what I can tell, my blog was removed from public search on Sept. 4, 2007. At least some kind of robot that does searches quit on that day. But...need to check something quickly...Okay, yes, and I think the last time I checked to see if I was in the public search engines was after making my post of Sept. 2, 2007.
I kept writing, not knowing it wasn't showing up. Right after I wrote the post about Profiling Hispanics and Poverty, it was either that day or a couple days later, I was pulling out of my driveway and saw a guy parked across the street from me, just waiting. He made eye contact with me and I was surprised that it looked like, but can't confirm for certain, Raul Bujanda, an FBI employee who sexually assaulted me one evening, along with his "boss" Armando Garza, when they were claiming they were recruiting me to be a part of their operations in infiltrating the Mexican Mafia. The matter went to D.C. and two S.S.A.'s came out to interview me. Later, I found out what had happened was a crime, not just "internal misconduct". It went to the police.
Now, some things are adding up, possibly, in my mind. The man waiting for me to drive to the edge of my property, had been parked there, waiting. He gave me a look of scorn and then drove off. He had longer hair I think, a beard, and a baseball hat on. It looked like him but last I saw him he had short hair and no beard.
If Dr. Butler, whom I refered to in my post Sept. 4, 2007, is working with the FBI and police on catching "Mexican mafia" over here, perhaps they didn't like that post, where I repeat what Dr. Butler told me and revealed he had to be working with law enforcement. I had had other odd experiences with Dr. Butler that I now believe are political. I wondered, even when I was first connected to him, if he had anything to do with the FBI. He is the medical director of a clinic that receives federal funding, primarily, and asks their mainly Hispanic clients questions about gun ownership and they track prescription drugs and immigration matters with law enforcement. This clinic is potentially a way of gaining information on who the "illegals" are in the country. Dr. Butler made me his own patient, I didn't select him. He wanted to be in charge of my care after I arrived in the town from Oregon, where I had been sexually assaulted by the FBI guys. He started writing odd things into my medical charts from the beginning, which is why I began to question whether he was trying to control what my records looked like. He started adding a mental health diagnosis that I never saw a professional for, for evaluation. He tried to discredit my diagnosis of ------------omission------- which would certainly give the FBI a defense and discredit me in the future if a lawsuit arose. . ------ is an excellent defense to abuse, especially sexual abuse, by men. Then it's no longer simply "he said-she said" and "she was mad he didn't want her" to very serious extremes. Propoganda is just about the same thing as falsifying medical records for political advantage.
Dr. Butler also was in charge and viewing my counseling records at another clinic and never told me his clinic was connected to that clinic. He had full access. I thought it odd, later, that when I reviewed my counselor's notes, she had recorded my reported distress by certain individuals with a church, but although I repeatedly talked about the FBI incident, she made no mention of it whatever and would often try to steer me from speaking about it.
Raul Bujanda worked out of offices in Oregon, and also Washington. He was familiar with my town, Wenatchee, and worked with police on joint taskforces in both states.
I was writing about a lot of things. But I'd like to know who persuaded Google to remove my blog from public search. I'm wondering if it involved Dr. Butler and any member of law enforcement, or if the others I worked for as a nanny and personal assistant were also jointly, or singularly involved.
The decision that came down on Sept. 12, which I found out about on Sept. 14th, was a decision that had been purposefully delayed to prevent me from filng a civil lawsuit against the FBI within the statute of limitations. It had nothing to do with local events--it involved the FBI and police. It's politics.
From the start, people were covering things up. The police tried to discourage me from making my report and the detective tried to convince me to omit certain facts of the incident which would bring what happened down from Sex Abuse III (which is a felony and anyone convicted must register as a sex offender) to a misdemeanor. The detective shuffled me back and forth between the FBI and his office and stalled. They knew about the ticking clock. I had told the FBI I would file a lawsuit, or had grounds to do so.
At the right time, I was going to describe everything that happened. The entire incident. And how the FBI and police responded. Most recently, I called San Fransisco DOJ OIG, on Sept. 14, 2007, and the agent I got told me my case in the beginning had been discussed by DOJ and FBI and that he'd add my new info to his database. He wanted the name of the detective. But when I told him I wanted to submit MY statement of events, he kept telling me NOT to. WHY would he do that?! He kept telling me he already had a statement from the FBI. I said I had not seen it and therefore could not say whether it was accurate. What he had read to me from the phone sounded so wishy-washy and downplayed I didn't trust whatever the DOJ had. But he told me not to give him a statement. This is not a good sign.
Now that my blog is down, after I've had friends find me through my blog and have written in to say how relieved they are that I'm still me and normal, and not anything like the Willamette Week article they read, someone took it down.
I had someone write in a post to me: Will Wagler. What he wrote showed my blog was already serving one of it's main purposes, to show me in my own words as I really am, in defense and to counter the things that have been said about me and written about me.
Someone knew that my having a blog was power. It gave me my voice back. And when they saw it was working, evidenced by comments to me from an old friend who said he'd seen the Willamette Week article and thought it was "interesting" in contrast to my blog. So someone made sure to take my voice away and contacted Google to do it.
I am now again at the mercy of what others presume and believe, that is written about me by others online. I am not given a way to defend myself in my own words by telling my story. Which, if it sticks, makes this a shitty country afterall, and Google a disappointment.
Today I looked up the Wiki article about Google and I read the section about censorship. I was discouraged at some of Google's past actions after reading this. I found some links that support free speech on the internet, and some legal contacts as well, who support free speech through non-profits. Some of them ask a person to write of their accounts and they make an archive of companies that have taken action against free speech. I did not even have contact from Google or receive a cease-and-desist letter. So I will have to be the one to write first and request an explanation as to their action. Possibly, I may ask for records under FOIA. I'm not screwing around with this because this is the only way I can defend MY LIFE.
If I'm prohibited from telling my story, I continue to allow people to believe lies about me, and end up harassed and the talk of the town, because people don't have anything else to go by. The slander about me is so bad, I don't even get a chance to make a first impression or to let someone see what I'm like in a friendship. I'm just avoided like the plague, from the start, and even by those who are so "accepting" etc.
In the meantime, I'm looking for a new blog host, and would be willing to give my story to them and their publishing rights.
If someone from Google heard me out, and met me in person, and heard my entire story and saw me back it UP with some concrete and objective evidence, how could they be against me? "If God is for me, who can be against me?" Unfortunately, plenty of people. In fact, this is a curious contradiction of terms when other scripture states that you can expect persecution for doing the right thing.
I really cannot tell you how many times I've prayed about the truth getting out, in every aspect of my life. But some people think I'm lying, others think I'm mentally ill, and then the ones who know I'm neither mentally ill (deluded at least) or lying, are the ones who have been the worst and covered up their deeds, with full knowledge it would be me who was then shunned.
Don't shun me, shun her.
I don't go to church anymore. There are some good reasons for this. But I wonder at how I can still have faith and hope after all that has happened and the constant struggle it has been to try to free myself from the shit that has been done to me and said. I am still religious, very much so, in my private way. I am honest, and I try not to be a hypocrite. But can I honestly say and believe anymore: "If God is for me, who can be against me?" and can I believe Truth prevails and that right wins, and nice girls don't finish last?
No. I cannot.
I researched different blog hosts and thought Google sounded like the most supportive of free speech. I researched the law to make sure I would not get into trouble for what I wrote and that I was within legal boundaries. And then I made sure to tell the truth, without exaggeration. Exaggeration is as good as lying, in my opinion.
From what I can tell, my blog was removed from public search on Sept. 4, 2007. At least some kind of robot that does searches quit on that day. But...need to check something quickly...Okay, yes, and I think the last time I checked to see if I was in the public search engines was after making my post of Sept. 2, 2007.
I kept writing, not knowing it wasn't showing up. Right after I wrote the post about Profiling Hispanics and Poverty, it was either that day or a couple days later, I was pulling out of my driveway and saw a guy parked across the street from me, just waiting. He made eye contact with me and I was surprised that it looked like, but can't confirm for certain, Raul Bujanda, an FBI employee who sexually assaulted me one evening, along with his "boss" Armando Garza, when they were claiming they were recruiting me to be a part of their operations in infiltrating the Mexican Mafia. The matter went to D.C. and two S.S.A.'s came out to interview me. Later, I found out what had happened was a crime, not just "internal misconduct". It went to the police.
Now, some things are adding up, possibly, in my mind. The man waiting for me to drive to the edge of my property, had been parked there, waiting. He gave me a look of scorn and then drove off. He had longer hair I think, a beard, and a baseball hat on. It looked like him but last I saw him he had short hair and no beard.
If Dr. Butler, whom I refered to in my post Sept. 4, 2007, is working with the FBI and police on catching "Mexican mafia" over here, perhaps they didn't like that post, where I repeat what Dr. Butler told me and revealed he had to be working with law enforcement. I had had other odd experiences with Dr. Butler that I now believe are political. I wondered, even when I was first connected to him, if he had anything to do with the FBI. He is the medical director of a clinic that receives federal funding, primarily, and asks their mainly Hispanic clients questions about gun ownership and they track prescription drugs and immigration matters with law enforcement. This clinic is potentially a way of gaining information on who the "illegals" are in the country. Dr. Butler made me his own patient, I didn't select him. He wanted to be in charge of my care after I arrived in the town from Oregon, where I had been sexually assaulted by the FBI guys. He started writing odd things into my medical charts from the beginning, which is why I began to question whether he was trying to control what my records looked like. He started adding a mental health diagnosis that I never saw a professional for, for evaluation. He tried to discredit my diagnosis of ------------omission------- which would certainly give the FBI a defense and discredit me in the future if a lawsuit arose. . ------ is an excellent defense to abuse, especially sexual abuse, by men. Then it's no longer simply "he said-she said" and "she was mad he didn't want her" to very serious extremes. Propoganda is just about the same thing as falsifying medical records for political advantage.
Dr. Butler also was in charge and viewing my counseling records at another clinic and never told me his clinic was connected to that clinic. He had full access. I thought it odd, later, that when I reviewed my counselor's notes, she had recorded my reported distress by certain individuals with a church, but although I repeatedly talked about the FBI incident, she made no mention of it whatever and would often try to steer me from speaking about it.
Raul Bujanda worked out of offices in Oregon, and also Washington. He was familiar with my town, Wenatchee, and worked with police on joint taskforces in both states.
I was writing about a lot of things. But I'd like to know who persuaded Google to remove my blog from public search. I'm wondering if it involved Dr. Butler and any member of law enforcement, or if the others I worked for as a nanny and personal assistant were also jointly, or singularly involved.
The decision that came down on Sept. 12, which I found out about on Sept. 14th, was a decision that had been purposefully delayed to prevent me from filng a civil lawsuit against the FBI within the statute of limitations. It had nothing to do with local events--it involved the FBI and police. It's politics.
From the start, people were covering things up. The police tried to discourage me from making my report and the detective tried to convince me to omit certain facts of the incident which would bring what happened down from Sex Abuse III (which is a felony and anyone convicted must register as a sex offender) to a misdemeanor. The detective shuffled me back and forth between the FBI and his office and stalled. They knew about the ticking clock. I had told the FBI I would file a lawsuit, or had grounds to do so.
At the right time, I was going to describe everything that happened. The entire incident. And how the FBI and police responded. Most recently, I called San Fransisco DOJ OIG, on Sept. 14, 2007, and the agent I got told me my case in the beginning had been discussed by DOJ and FBI and that he'd add my new info to his database. He wanted the name of the detective. But when I told him I wanted to submit MY statement of events, he kept telling me NOT to. WHY would he do that?! He kept telling me he already had a statement from the FBI. I said I had not seen it and therefore could not say whether it was accurate. What he had read to me from the phone sounded so wishy-washy and downplayed I didn't trust whatever the DOJ had. But he told me not to give him a statement. This is not a good sign.
Now that my blog is down, after I've had friends find me through my blog and have written in to say how relieved they are that I'm still me and normal, and not anything like the Willamette Week article they read, someone took it down.
I had someone write in a post to me: Will Wagler. What he wrote showed my blog was already serving one of it's main purposes, to show me in my own words as I really am, in defense and to counter the things that have been said about me and written about me.
Someone knew that my having a blog was power. It gave me my voice back. And when they saw it was working, evidenced by comments to me from an old friend who said he'd seen the Willamette Week article and thought it was "interesting" in contrast to my blog. So someone made sure to take my voice away and contacted Google to do it.
I am now again at the mercy of what others presume and believe, that is written about me by others online. I am not given a way to defend myself in my own words by telling my story. Which, if it sticks, makes this a shitty country afterall, and Google a disappointment.
Today I looked up the Wiki article about Google and I read the section about censorship. I was discouraged at some of Google's past actions after reading this. I found some links that support free speech on the internet, and some legal contacts as well, who support free speech through non-profits. Some of them ask a person to write of their accounts and they make an archive of companies that have taken action against free speech. I did not even have contact from Google or receive a cease-and-desist letter. So I will have to be the one to write first and request an explanation as to their action. Possibly, I may ask for records under FOIA. I'm not screwing around with this because this is the only way I can defend MY LIFE.
If I'm prohibited from telling my story, I continue to allow people to believe lies about me, and end up harassed and the talk of the town, because people don't have anything else to go by. The slander about me is so bad, I don't even get a chance to make a first impression or to let someone see what I'm like in a friendship. I'm just avoided like the plague, from the start, and even by those who are so "accepting" etc.
In the meantime, I'm looking for a new blog host, and would be willing to give my story to them and their publishing rights.
If someone from Google heard me out, and met me in person, and heard my entire story and saw me back it UP with some concrete and objective evidence, how could they be against me? "If God is for me, who can be against me?" Unfortunately, plenty of people. In fact, this is a curious contradiction of terms when other scripture states that you can expect persecution for doing the right thing.
I really cannot tell you how many times I've prayed about the truth getting out, in every aspect of my life. But some people think I'm lying, others think I'm mentally ill, and then the ones who know I'm neither mentally ill (deluded at least) or lying, are the ones who have been the worst and covered up their deeds, with full knowledge it would be me who was then shunned.
Don't shun me, shun her.
I don't go to church anymore. There are some good reasons for this. But I wonder at how I can still have faith and hope after all that has happened and the constant struggle it has been to try to free myself from the shit that has been done to me and said. I am still religious, very much so, in my private way. I am honest, and I try not to be a hypocrite. But can I honestly say and believe anymore: "If God is for me, who can be against me?" and can I believe Truth prevails and that right wins, and nice girls don't finish last?
No. I cannot.
Bear: New Books
Hello Little Bear,
I forgot to mention we got a new book by Ana Juan, "Elena's Seranade". The art as well as text is by Ms. Juan and while you were not interested in the book, I WAS. I really enjoy her artwork. In this book it's definitely of the magical realism genre. Another book I like for the artwork itself is by Ezra Jack Keats and it's called "The Snowy Day". The artwork here is sparse, modern, and yet still colorful. I'm not a "beige" person. I take that back. When you live with a small income, I advocate choosing one or two main colors and buying select peices in the best materials affordable and then accenting the staples. For a long time I did this with the color cream. But I've always liked color on the walls, and I like color, and both these artists use color well. I think the reason I like Degas is color. I'm not a fan of his style but like especially the chalkwork and color juxpositions.
You are beginning to appreciate Dr. Suess. You enjoy the Foot Book, and you like another book called "Mockingbird" by another acclaimed artist which I don't care for, but I can see how it appeals to children.
I forgot to mention we got a new book by Ana Juan, "Elena's Seranade". The art as well as text is by Ms. Juan and while you were not interested in the book, I WAS. I really enjoy her artwork. In this book it's definitely of the magical realism genre. Another book I like for the artwork itself is by Ezra Jack Keats and it's called "The Snowy Day". The artwork here is sparse, modern, and yet still colorful. I'm not a "beige" person. I take that back. When you live with a small income, I advocate choosing one or two main colors and buying select peices in the best materials affordable and then accenting the staples. For a long time I did this with the color cream. But I've always liked color on the walls, and I like color, and both these artists use color well. I think the reason I like Degas is color. I'm not a fan of his style but like especially the chalkwork and color juxpositions.
You are beginning to appreciate Dr. Suess. You enjoy the Foot Book, and you like another book called "Mockingbird" by another acclaimed artist which I don't care for, but I can see how it appeals to children.
Bear: We Got A Kitty-Cat!
I found out there may be another reason for the disappearance of my blog but I'm not sure. It could be on my end. If not, I'll have to write to Google.
I've decided to continue with posting on this blog until I know for certain. The matter I spoke of yesterday has nothing to do with events in my town or community. It's something else I would address far down the road.
Anyway, Little Bear, we got a kitty! I don't know if we should name it yet because it's been sneezing and may have an upper respiratory infection, and we want to take a cat that is healthy from the beginning. Especially because you play with it. But then again, you picked this one out.
You kiss the kitty and talk to it, and today I'm going to teach you how to hold it. Yesterday you were picking the kitty up with a grip of it's skin on the back. Like that was the handle. I rescued the kitty, and found it was purring. I don't think you hurt it, and mother cats hold their young in this way, but usually around the neck. You cried when I took the kitty away and were mad at me. I told you last night that I would try to teach you how to hold it and pick it up properly so you could carry it around like Mama does. A good thing about this cat is temperment. It's not the type to scratch.
When we brought it home you were so happy. You put some of your toys next to the kitty, offering them to her.
The mouse problem is improved already. I don't hear the one in the bedroom anymore. The kitty found it the first night and batted at it and I think it batted back. This kitty has never seen the like and didn't know what to do. So far, this kitty is no killer. But she's so young. Mainly I want the cat to intimidate any mice and keep them out of the house, but I wouldn't mind some killing that I don't have to see for persistent mouseguests.
We have a week to make a decision; it's good to have a trial-time. The kitty is a real sweetheart. For some reason, its fur and hindlegs remind me of a rabbit. It's black and white striped with tannish-brown eyes and a tan nose. There were others that were prettier, like the calicos and the solid black kitty with the bright yellow eyes, but I put that aside and tried to select one based on personality. The woman who had the kitties said this one was one of the sweetest and playful and she said it's motor was always running. She was right--this kitty is always purring. Which must mean it's happy and content, which is important. She sleeps with us on the bed. I couldn't come up with a name. She was called "Dee-dee" and I don't like it and she looks like a "Melissa" or a "Missy" though I hate those names. I thought of "Zephyr", "Zeeb" or "Zeebs" for "Zebra", and I was trying to find a word that described the exact color of brown for eyes but can't think of anything. It's sort of cafe-au-lait.
A doggie with tough skin would be better for you perhaps, but we are looking at a kitty for two purposes: companionship for you and elimination of mice. Yes, we told the landlord. The kitty is completely potty-trained.
I've decided to continue with posting on this blog until I know for certain. The matter I spoke of yesterday has nothing to do with events in my town or community. It's something else I would address far down the road.
Anyway, Little Bear, we got a kitty! I don't know if we should name it yet because it's been sneezing and may have an upper respiratory infection, and we want to take a cat that is healthy from the beginning. Especially because you play with it. But then again, you picked this one out.
You kiss the kitty and talk to it, and today I'm going to teach you how to hold it. Yesterday you were picking the kitty up with a grip of it's skin on the back. Like that was the handle. I rescued the kitty, and found it was purring. I don't think you hurt it, and mother cats hold their young in this way, but usually around the neck. You cried when I took the kitty away and were mad at me. I told you last night that I would try to teach you how to hold it and pick it up properly so you could carry it around like Mama does. A good thing about this cat is temperment. It's not the type to scratch.
When we brought it home you were so happy. You put some of your toys next to the kitty, offering them to her.
The mouse problem is improved already. I don't hear the one in the bedroom anymore. The kitty found it the first night and batted at it and I think it batted back. This kitty has never seen the like and didn't know what to do. So far, this kitty is no killer. But she's so young. Mainly I want the cat to intimidate any mice and keep them out of the house, but I wouldn't mind some killing that I don't have to see for persistent mouseguests.
We have a week to make a decision; it's good to have a trial-time. The kitty is a real sweetheart. For some reason, its fur and hindlegs remind me of a rabbit. It's black and white striped with tannish-brown eyes and a tan nose. There were others that were prettier, like the calicos and the solid black kitty with the bright yellow eyes, but I put that aside and tried to select one based on personality. The woman who had the kitties said this one was one of the sweetest and playful and she said it's motor was always running. She was right--this kitty is always purring. Which must mean it's happy and content, which is important. She sleeps with us on the bed. I couldn't come up with a name. She was called "Dee-dee" and I don't like it and she looks like a "Melissa" or a "Missy" though I hate those names. I thought of "Zephyr", "Zeeb" or "Zeebs" for "Zebra", and I was trying to find a word that described the exact color of brown for eyes but can't think of anything. It's sort of cafe-au-lait.
A doggie with tough skin would be better for you perhaps, but we are looking at a kitty for two purposes: companionship for you and elimination of mice. Yes, we told the landlord. The kitty is completely potty-trained.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Removal of My Blog From Public Searches
I just found out my blog is no longer in the search engines.
I found out this happened just recently and also found out an interesting piece of information--that the FBI and Portland police as well as the Portland DA made a decision a couple of days ago on Sept. 12th, 2007, that they knew I would write about and didn't want all over the web.
I'm not going to make any posts to this site until I receive an explanation from Blogger as to why my defense to the slander against my name has been removed. Google keeps the defamatory article from Willamette Week up about me, but removed my own statements and reports of incidences.
Everything is political.
I have not once, ever falsely defamed or accused someone of something that was untrue. I have written an honest account of things that have happened.
But it looks like Google is not supportive of free speech and has been manipulated by, most likely, attorneys who told them to pull me from the web, if not the FBI directly.
I know people I've written about have powerful contacts. The Thebault's are major political contributors to the Republican party and the Rabbi works in politics and with the media all the time. I also brought up a construction company that is powerful, and some recent current events that may be offensive to those who wish to hide under a shield.
Any old friend who has tried to contact me or make contact with me, has been reached before I could utter a word, or "hello", and people have been intimidated from association with me because of slander.
The fact that my blog went down, right around the time the FBI and DA decided to make a certain decision on the 12th, is all I need to know.
Should I go to the DOJ about what happened? I don't know that it would do any good. I have been defamed to such degree and then prohibited and prevented from telling my story from start to finish. Others are allowed to slam me but I'm not allowed to have a voice--because it threatens the status quo.
At times like these I am absolutely ashamed to be a citizen of the U.S. as a window opens to reveal the hypocrisy and double-standard held in claiming everyone has equal rights, when actually, I have be afforded none of the same rights and in fact have had them taken from me.
Knowledge is power and speaking up with that knowledge is grounds for being pummeled down.
Until I have further notice that my right to free speech and to defend against defamation and to tell an honest biographical story is respected by Google, I have no interest in making a public blog.
I do know I could still advertize my blog by giving out the address and link at sites which receive a lot of traffic, but I will write in private, and continue my story, and find an eventual publisher. I may begin to write again here, but I have some research to do first, and some letters to write.
My son, seeing me burst into tears, stood there confused. He rarely sees me cry. I got off the phone a half hour ago with proof that politics always come before truth. or Justice.
Here, I was writing about my current events and for my son. But I was also recounting the past, and I was honest in retelling events that occured. I began with the day I left from my parent's house, and flew to Bedminster, NJ. I was 18 years old. I wanted to tell my story, from the time I was 18 through 24 which was a specific and generally pleasant if enlightening time of my life. I was young, had many friends, and all was well. After a certain incidence, which I wanted to describe, everything fell apart. Wolves came out in sheep's clothing and it was the first time I actually stood up for myself and challenged the politics instead of encouraging harmful behavior with my silence, partially out of fear for self-preservation. When I stood up for myself, for the first time, I stood up against a very powerful organization that quickly involved lawyers to cut me down to bite-sized pieces. They used the media, the police who went to their church, lawyers, and counselors. All along, they knew who was telling the truth. They made a point of contacting friends and family and trying to distance them from me, by telling lies. I honestly never recovered from the shock.
I had seen some misconduct before, but never so eggregious and personally directed towards me. My background had always been to be sweet, submissive, and go along with it and pray for the people. I was shocked to find some people are fueled by hate and that they hated me for telling the truth about a serious matter that did not just affect me.
I had never had personal trauma prior to this event that touched my soul and tore at it. Everything that came after this effect was to destroy me and discredit me--to malign my character so that no one would ever believe me. I had close friends whom I'd known for 15 years stopped calling me. I had not changed or done anything different with my friends--it was that my reputation had been crushed. I didn't change. I just spoke up. That was it.
And that was the big crime for which I was and am endlessly punished.
Still.
Everyone deserves a chance but me. Everyone deserves to have privacy except me. Everyone deserves respect and to have a voice but me. It is okay for others to malign me and yet it is not okay if, in telling the truth, which shows who I really am, others happen to be maligned because of their own actions. There are natural consequences to crime, immorality, and unlawfulness. Then there are the punishments others impose upon someone for telling the truth, which are not natural. It has so far been acceptable for me to be slandered and harassed and to have defamatory articles about me online, which are NOT TRUE, but it has not been okay for me to try to correct the false statements because it then impugnes the right person for once.
I found out this happened just recently and also found out an interesting piece of information--that the FBI and Portland police as well as the Portland DA made a decision a couple of days ago on Sept. 12th, 2007, that they knew I would write about and didn't want all over the web.
I'm not going to make any posts to this site until I receive an explanation from Blogger as to why my defense to the slander against my name has been removed. Google keeps the defamatory article from Willamette Week up about me, but removed my own statements and reports of incidences.
Everything is political.
I have not once, ever falsely defamed or accused someone of something that was untrue. I have written an honest account of things that have happened.
But it looks like Google is not supportive of free speech and has been manipulated by, most likely, attorneys who told them to pull me from the web, if not the FBI directly.
I know people I've written about have powerful contacts. The Thebault's are major political contributors to the Republican party and the Rabbi works in politics and with the media all the time. I also brought up a construction company that is powerful, and some recent current events that may be offensive to those who wish to hide under a shield.
Any old friend who has tried to contact me or make contact with me, has been reached before I could utter a word, or "hello", and people have been intimidated from association with me because of slander.
The fact that my blog went down, right around the time the FBI and DA decided to make a certain decision on the 12th, is all I need to know.
Should I go to the DOJ about what happened? I don't know that it would do any good. I have been defamed to such degree and then prohibited and prevented from telling my story from start to finish. Others are allowed to slam me but I'm not allowed to have a voice--because it threatens the status quo.
At times like these I am absolutely ashamed to be a citizen of the U.S. as a window opens to reveal the hypocrisy and double-standard held in claiming everyone has equal rights, when actually, I have be afforded none of the same rights and in fact have had them taken from me.
Knowledge is power and speaking up with that knowledge is grounds for being pummeled down.
Until I have further notice that my right to free speech and to defend against defamation and to tell an honest biographical story is respected by Google, I have no interest in making a public blog.
I do know I could still advertize my blog by giving out the address and link at sites which receive a lot of traffic, but I will write in private, and continue my story, and find an eventual publisher. I may begin to write again here, but I have some research to do first, and some letters to write.
My son, seeing me burst into tears, stood there confused. He rarely sees me cry. I got off the phone a half hour ago with proof that politics always come before truth. or Justice.
Here, I was writing about my current events and for my son. But I was also recounting the past, and I was honest in retelling events that occured. I began with the day I left from my parent's house, and flew to Bedminster, NJ. I was 18 years old. I wanted to tell my story, from the time I was 18 through 24 which was a specific and generally pleasant if enlightening time of my life. I was young, had many friends, and all was well. After a certain incidence, which I wanted to describe, everything fell apart. Wolves came out in sheep's clothing and it was the first time I actually stood up for myself and challenged the politics instead of encouraging harmful behavior with my silence, partially out of fear for self-preservation. When I stood up for myself, for the first time, I stood up against a very powerful organization that quickly involved lawyers to cut me down to bite-sized pieces. They used the media, the police who went to their church, lawyers, and counselors. All along, they knew who was telling the truth. They made a point of contacting friends and family and trying to distance them from me, by telling lies. I honestly never recovered from the shock.
I had seen some misconduct before, but never so eggregious and personally directed towards me. My background had always been to be sweet, submissive, and go along with it and pray for the people. I was shocked to find some people are fueled by hate and that they hated me for telling the truth about a serious matter that did not just affect me.
I had never had personal trauma prior to this event that touched my soul and tore at it. Everything that came after this effect was to destroy me and discredit me--to malign my character so that no one would ever believe me. I had close friends whom I'd known for 15 years stopped calling me. I had not changed or done anything different with my friends--it was that my reputation had been crushed. I didn't change. I just spoke up. That was it.
And that was the big crime for which I was and am endlessly punished.
Still.
Everyone deserves a chance but me. Everyone deserves to have privacy except me. Everyone deserves respect and to have a voice but me. It is okay for others to malign me and yet it is not okay if, in telling the truth, which shows who I really am, others happen to be maligned because of their own actions. There are natural consequences to crime, immorality, and unlawfulness. Then there are the punishments others impose upon someone for telling the truth, which are not natural. It has so far been acceptable for me to be slandered and harassed and to have defamatory articles about me online, which are NOT TRUE, but it has not been okay for me to try to correct the false statements because it then impugnes the right person for once.
Bear: Your First Time In The Pool
Hello Little Bear,
Love you, love you, love you! You've been so patient as Mama has been forced to take one-on-one playtime away from you to attend to matters others have brought.
I do what I can at night while you're sleeping, but business hours are during day. I am so sorry sweetie. You've had to play by yourself more because of it. It's not right, but it's not possible things be different right now. We cannot control the choices others make that affect our lives.
Despite this, I am, as always, deeply satisfied with my personal life, in my spirit. I'm proud of what I've done and who I am, and you are more than icing on the cake.
Today you loved this toy in the store, "Up-up Elmo" and didn't want to let it go. You protested when I had to put it back. You kept protesting until I explained, "I know you want this, and I really want to get it for you, but it costs a lot of money and I don't have that money right now." You totally stopped and released it, and didn't whine again. You were quiet. It was almost eerie--somehow you understood what I had said. I feel like I know you, and then I underestimate you again. I didn't want to bring up money because that's not for you to worry about but I didn't know how to explain. I'll have to think of something else because no kid should be worried about finances.
I told you maybe I could get it for you later, for Christmas or something. I did get you a little car that cost a dollar and a tape of kid's music which was equally cheap. You love music so I think you'll be happy about that.
Yesterday was your first time ever in the swimming pool. You were afraid at first and were wrapped all around my neck, but then you just let go and had fun. I could not believe how quickly you adapted to the water. You must have been watching another kid swim, because you fell forward fearlessly and started paddling your arms in a swim stroke and kicked your legs, with your head help up. It was the sweetest thing to see, because you went from being scared, to worried, to quietly delighted (with this look of wonder in your eyes and a prim smiling mouth), to excited and free. You threw your hands down to make a big splash. You enjoyed "jumping" from the wall into my arms in the water. Other kids there were shockingly good in the water already--some went underwater and others swam. But for your lack of experience, you impressed me in how quickly you caught on and began to enjoy yourself and loosen up.
There is more to write about, regarding you, but for now I'm tired and you're now calling me from the bed to come back to bed. So, more for later.
Love you, love you, love you! You've been so patient as Mama has been forced to take one-on-one playtime away from you to attend to matters others have brought.
I do what I can at night while you're sleeping, but business hours are during day. I am so sorry sweetie. You've had to play by yourself more because of it. It's not right, but it's not possible things be different right now. We cannot control the choices others make that affect our lives.
Despite this, I am, as always, deeply satisfied with my personal life, in my spirit. I'm proud of what I've done and who I am, and you are more than icing on the cake.
Today you loved this toy in the store, "Up-up Elmo" and didn't want to let it go. You protested when I had to put it back. You kept protesting until I explained, "I know you want this, and I really want to get it for you, but it costs a lot of money and I don't have that money right now." You totally stopped and released it, and didn't whine again. You were quiet. It was almost eerie--somehow you understood what I had said. I feel like I know you, and then I underestimate you again. I didn't want to bring up money because that's not for you to worry about but I didn't know how to explain. I'll have to think of something else because no kid should be worried about finances.
I told you maybe I could get it for you later, for Christmas or something. I did get you a little car that cost a dollar and a tape of kid's music which was equally cheap. You love music so I think you'll be happy about that.
Yesterday was your first time ever in the swimming pool. You were afraid at first and were wrapped all around my neck, but then you just let go and had fun. I could not believe how quickly you adapted to the water. You must have been watching another kid swim, because you fell forward fearlessly and started paddling your arms in a swim stroke and kicked your legs, with your head help up. It was the sweetest thing to see, because you went from being scared, to worried, to quietly delighted (with this look of wonder in your eyes and a prim smiling mouth), to excited and free. You threw your hands down to make a big splash. You enjoyed "jumping" from the wall into my arms in the water. Other kids there were shockingly good in the water already--some went underwater and others swam. But for your lack of experience, you impressed me in how quickly you caught on and began to enjoy yourself and loosen up.
There is more to write about, regarding you, but for now I'm tired and you're now calling me from the bed to come back to bed. So, more for later.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Hotlines For Pesticide Info & Poisoning
I found a good page from the Environmental Protection Agency that covers links and hotlines and all you need to know or want to know about pesticides, updates, and health effects. Included is a specific hotline for serious emergency: 1-800-222-1222, for National Poison Control Hotline, which I haven't tried of course, but the one I did try and was thoroughly impressed with was: 1-800-858-7378, from the National Pesticide Information Center (NPIC). The NPIC describes itself as objective and science-based and I found it to be so.
My intention for making this post is to give others a resource for information, but as I do so, I keep in mind the fact that many who are directly exposed to, or work with, pesticides speak another language than English, usually Spanish. The Poison Control Hotline does have people on staff that speak various languages, and...I just checked the NPIC and I couldn't find a Spanish version so at some point I'll ask them if they're able to include this and update when they do.
My intention for making this post is to give others a resource for information, but as I do so, I keep in mind the fact that many who are directly exposed to, or work with, pesticides speak another language than English, usually Spanish. The Poison Control Hotline does have people on staff that speak various languages, and...I just checked the NPIC and I couldn't find a Spanish version so at some point I'll ask them if they're able to include this and update when they do.
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