In Auto Collision Yesterday

I had one of the worst days ever, yesterday. I don't feel very good today. Everything that could go wrong, or get someone down, happened. I was mocked by some people who acted like they were friends, including a guy who tried to make out with me and then treat me like a woman-hater, and I left my phone at work when I wanted to call my son, and then I was in a hit-and-run, and got a little injured, and, one guy left the scene on a stretcher.

First of all, I woke up yesterday without my voice. I crashed at a friend's house, where I fell asleep on the couch right away, but they stayed up next to me and sang Beatles songs into the wee hours of the night. The only ones I remember were "If I Fell In Love With You" and a German rendition of Beatles. It was cool music, but I was going in and out, until they went to bed at about 7 a.m., after I heard someone say, "The sun is coming up already--what time is it? ...It's SEVEN? Oh my god...!" (that's what I was thinking too, and thinking I have to work the next day).

I remember paying bleary attention to the song "If I Fell In Love With You" because I'd just told some people that night that I'd never been in love and someone else had approached me and said he didn't think I was who I seemed to be, that I was hiding. He said I was emotionally unavailable (true) and that it takes more courage to let someone in than to keep them out. I agree. Does that mean I'm ready to let someone in? Not unless I know they're sincere, and how would I know that?!

It was charming, that evening, with one of my friends singing along to the Beatles songs in a god-awful voice, which I think was the result of too many beers, but I don't know. She had gusto though, which I liked, and was still able to make some interesting commentary... "Don't you love that hook?!"

At one point I awoke when she was falling off her chair.

Very cool place though, and music. This guy is a music afficianado with excellent taste and a TON of old records and CDs. I mean, over 6,000 or more songs. I wish I'd been more alert to enjoy the tunes.

After leaving the place quietly, having slept soundly from maybe 7 a.m. to 10 a.m., I stepped out for coffee and Gatorade. Then I tried to get to the salon to have my nails done and the taxi driver didn't know the town well and drove all over the place, making a circle. It was the worst taxi ride I've had so far.

Then, I got my nails done, and I was almost falling asleep. I also found out a good place to get a haircut around here--The Four Season's Hotel in Georgetown. I felt bad, because usually I talk with the manicurist, but I was just in a daze, and thinking about events from the night before: I stayed late with some people, and then me, this woman friend, and a guy (with the records) decided to stay out and listen to music. We stayed out and talked late, and then I was just so tired, and told everyone I just wanted a couch to sleep on--whichever one was closest would do. His place was closest, within 2 blocks. So, her shoes was coming undone on the bottom of her sandal and she had it rubber-banded and then was making it "talk" with the flap moving back and forth. This guy left, and as we tagged along behind, she's saying, "He probably thinks there's going to be a menage-a-trois" and I laughed. She was asking him if he had any coke, and said she hadn't done it in forever, and kept asking, loudly, outside, for "drugs", jokingly I think, or not. Then I was saying, "All I want is a couch!" and then I started laughing, joking, telling him he was so lucky, he's going home with two women--a homeless lady and a drug addict. I thought about all these things, and about my diagnosis of "emotionally unavailable".

So after my nails were done, I went home, and I didn't have my voice at all and was losing it to laringitis or bronchitis. I could barely squeak any noise out, and I have to call out drink orders and without a voice. Laughing without a voice sounds terrible, like a horror movie laugh--sort of a cross between a muppet and ....? It sounds awful.

I went to work, and had to drink 2 red bulls to keep up. I made good tips, despite everything. But I also was supposed to have a new place to live and the married couple that offered this didn't show up. So I was outside, having a drink with people I knew, sort of, and wondering what to do since plans fell through. I thought they were being friendly, but they kept asking a lot of questions, and then tried to tell me to just hook up with some guy, to have a place to live, and hadn't I been doing that already? I couldn't believe it. They made it sound like I was prostituting myself for a place to stay which I've not done. If I wanted to do that, I wouldn't be currently staying with a woman, and the last guy I stayed with, I actually truly liked, and I didn't do anything I didn't want to do anyway, living with or without him. I had stayed for almost a month with another guy, military guy, in Gaithersburg, and he and I never had any physical contact of any kind. It was my choice. So it's not like I sleep with people to have a place to stay and I don't know where they got this idea, but they were mocking me. Which was sort of shocking and made me feel bad. I haven't even made out with that many people. When I write in my blog it sounds like more than reality, because I generalize. I haven't been in many "beds", for example, the one where the sheets were changed, was a woman's bed that I stayed on while I did cat-sitting, but I just generalized and said, joking, that everyone whose bed I'd been in was changing their sheets. I haven't kissed 10 men recently either, but more like 5 total and mostly only kissing, and nothing more, in the last several months. So, big deal. I really did like the last guy, and there is something about him still, but he pushed me away and after awhile, decided it was a good idea to make a rebound move with someone else, and so I did, very recently, with Mr. Other-Country and some guy who worked for Pres. Bush. That's it, and I knew, in both cases, it wouldn't be serious bc one from from another country and the other had other committments and lived in another state. Actually, that one I wouldn't even kiss, because I thought about the one I actually liked, and I just sort of made out with him, without kissing. It can be done.

Then I left in a cab with this one guy and I thought it was just to share the fare, and he totally grabs me and starts trying to make out with me. I pushed him off, because he'd said he has a girlfriend. He'd been saying maybe I could stay with them for one week (and I would pay rent) while I figured out if this other situation with the married couple works out still. So he's all over me in the cab, and then he pushes me away, and I did kiss him voluntarily at one point but had had something to drink and I backed away from him. I got out, and said if he knew anyone with a place to rent, still call and let me know. He looks at me, after he's just tried, several times, to grab my crotch (which I didn't allow), and then says, with a mean look of disgust on his face, in a mean tone, "Good luck."

I couldn't believe it. And he's an employee of the Dept. of Justice. He seems so shy and normal and nice and then he acts like one of these woman-haters who degrades women and then tries to get something out of them and then kicks them to the curb. Like the type that will buy a real prostitute or something, and then trash her, beating her up verbally or physically, after he uses her. Really frightening and unhealthy behavior. I wonder if it's an attempt to displace blame onto the woman, because the man feels "guilty" about his behavior or if he just has hater issues.

You think someone seems so normal on the outside...Some of the people that appear to be 'the black sheep" or whatever, are the most kind inside, even if they are involved in things that don't seem great from the exterior. And the reverse is true as well.

So, that made me feel really bad, because I've got these people who think they just know everything about me, and how I operate, and then they think they can mistreat me because of this, out of jealousy or resentment or disrespect. Very odd, I thought, and I wondered too where they were getting their information about me.

After this, I was home, and I tried to call my son before his bedtime, but I had left my phone at work. So I had a half hour before work closed to go back and get my phone. I live on a street where it's impossible to catch a cab. I'd have to walk a few blocks. So by the time I did that, and got to the main street, I might not get to my phone in time. So, there was this truck parked next to my house, and it was the only vehicle on the road at that moment, and I asked, after surveying the situation, and his demeanor, if he would give me a ride just to main street, because I needed to catch a cab from there.

He didn't speak English at all, only Spanish, but I figured my Spanish was good enough: "Hola, como estas? Necessito voy donde yo trabajando porque mi telephono cellular esta equi...pero no taxi's aqui y necessario por me voy a la catorce (14th street) por taxi. Yo no soy prostituto. Si possible por ti damame a ride a 14th? Pero, yo soy prostituto, necessites telephono por calling mi hijo este noche."

He said yes, he understood, and he had a crucifix hanging from his rearview mirror. Which doesn't mean anything I know, but he seemed okay. I think I'm right that he's not a "bad person". However, I got in and he didn't understand I wasn't a prostitute. I kept telling him. No soy prostituto. He says yes, and then I say, "Donde tu va...no! no! este directiones...catorce solamente!" and he's saying, "I have to take a bath first." I said, "Que?! No BATH! No soy prostituto. Tengo un hijo y necessites mi telephono para la tienda donde yo trabajo por mi telephono--" He keeps saying "Bath" and I ask him to just let me out, and then he's talking to me and all of a sudden, I see there is a car ahead of us and he's going to run RIGHT INTO IT. It was the side of a taxi.

We were going to run into a fucking taxi. The taxi I needed to take me to my workplace to get my phone.

I don't know for sure how the taxi got there and from which direction it was coming. I thought I knew at first, and I thought we were in the wrong, but I really don't know. Maybe the taxi was also doing something wrong? I really could not say. All I know is that I saw the side of a taxi up ahead and we were going to run into it. I said to this guy, "Watch out! There's a car!" and next thing I know, BAM, I tried to brace myself and I think I closed my eyes, and we slammed into the side of the car.

I had my seatbelt on, and that saved me from getting thrown out, but I hit my bad knee up against the dash (again, in the same manner as my last auto accident). This driver, surprisingly, acts like he hits cars all the time and after colliding, drives around it and continues. I said, "Stop! STOP!" and he was trying to make a getaway, with ME in the car.

He said something about "si, si, pero la policia" and I said, "Stop! You have to stop." Maybe I said, "Arrette" but he knew, regardless. I said, "Okay, if you want to run, fine, but let ME out. Let me out and you can go. Necessito voy, aqui, orrita, y si possible por ti va, si tu quieres camina, okay, but LET ME OUT. AQUI!"

Finally, he pulls over and I get out. I looked back and he'd just stopped his truck. I thought he decided to wait for police, but I guess, someone said, he took off running. I went to an SUV on the corner and was shaking, and told them what happened. When they heard I was just trying to get my cell phone so I could call my son, they let me use their phone.

When I called, my son was already in bed. I was told he's going to bed earlier now. And it was about 5 minutes until my workplace closed so I wasn't going to get my phone back either. I waited there, for police, and didn't see anyone, so I thought maybe they were back at the scen, a block back. So I walked back, and see two firetrucks, an ambulance, several police cars, and a taxi, in the middle of the road.

I came around the corner to find police to give my statement to, and I see a stretcher being pulled out and the driver was still in the car. I panicked and got tears in my eyes, I think one or two rolled down my face but I was too shocked to really cry. I was more stunned than anything. But I thought, "Oh my gosh..."

All because I was trying to get my telephone. I knew it wasn't directly my fault, but maybe indirectly, for sure. But maybe not? because the actual accident wasn't my doing? I don't know. I still was stunned. I asked if the guy was okay and they said yes, he seemed to be okay and was alive, but going to the hospital.

I gave the police my statement and they called a taxi to take me home, which I paid for. I sort of just wanted to get a drink, and here I was, trying to give a statement without any voice. I couldn't get words out barely. One fireman asked me if I'd been hit on the head and I told him it was just laringitis.

I didn't go to the hospital, but I feel some pangs today. My knee which has already been injured, doesn't feel right, but I'm hoping it will get better, because it didn't seem I hit it quite hard enough to do real damage, and my back on the same side hurts a little, and where my seatbelt was hurts. Otherwise, I'm fine. I just don't want to end up with blistering of the patella again because I've already had my surgery for that.

I told police I'd go in if I got worse or if it seemed I needed to go.

This morning, I feel like crap. And, I don't think it's just laringitis. I think I have bronchitis because I've got the sputum a bit. I'm a little stressed out. I have to work today, but I've absolutely no voice to speak of. I don't know if they'll even want me to work. And I have to find out if that new place for rent is totally not available now. It would have been a really good deal. I mean, really great. And now I don't know about anything. I'm supposed to be out of where I'm at now, by today. So, this is a mess.

No one can say I won't do anything for my son.

I guess.

I'm like the opposite of a saint which protects against car accidents. I've been in so many, and I've never been the driver. What's weird, is that I got into the truck, and didn't buckle up immediately, as I usually do, and the driver, who was drinking (I didn't know, but police said this was the case) reminded me to put on my seatbelt. Which probably saved my life.

He didn't seem to be drinking though, when I got in. There was nothing on his breath and he seemed fine. I didn't see any open containers either. He didn't drink in front of me. I know he sped up right before we crashed into the car, like he was trying to get away from someone, and this is when he wanted to turn down a road and kept saying "bath" but I wonder if he had a warrant and he saw a police car or something. I couldn't understand all of his spanish, but he kept looking in his rearview mirror, sped up, and as he was looking into the rearview mirror, he collided into the taxi, which was just right there all of a sudden.