I've Been Asked To Model

I had a call to go out last night but it was tentative. She had a friend in from out of town.

After I blogged at one place, about my day, I walked down the street to go back home to change. I passed a clothing store which was wrapping up a fashion show. I walked in because a woman was holding a complex breakdancing pose on a runaway. I wanted to watch her positions.

I was standing there and this man approached me. Out of the blue he asked me, "Do you take ballet or any kind of dance?" I said no. He said, "Really?!" and I said "No." He kept asking and said, "I would have thought..." I asked why, because I've had people ask me this often. I am always asked if I took ballet. Usually when I'm a little thinner and in better shape, but still. He said, "The way you carry yourself. Your posture." I was slouching, I had thought, but he's not the first to say this. Then he said, "My guess is that you're about 5'4" and a size 2." He was right. I said, "Hey! You're right! How did you know?" and he told me he's a photographer.

He asked me if I would let him photograph me, if I liked what he had in his portfolio or whatever. I thought maybe he meant for me to pay for photos and he said no, just to pose for him. Of course I'm wondering what sort of photography. So I looked at his book. It was really good! Some really beautiful images. He said, "You're pre-Raphaelite". Then he leaned in, and said, "I wouldn't have picked you if you looked like Pamela Anderson."

He showed me all these photos of women in different scenes and poses, some nude, and some with babies, some hidden partially from view. He pointed to one in particular. "I'd like to do something like this with you," he said. It was a woman in a sort of Greek or Roman arrangement, under an arch with a draping material wrapped around her body and a baby at her hip. He told me the baby wasn't hers. He said it belonged to someone else. "I'd see you with a baby," he said. He told me they'd "borrowed" one. He said if I could find a baby, he'd like to photograph me in this way. He'd said he'd look and I could look or ask around. He gave me his card and I said I'd email.

I left, and I was flattered, but also sad. I have a baby. My baby. I want to be photographed with MY baby. I have photos on my computer of me, with my hair down, and my baby at my hip.

Then I called for my son, and tried to talk to him, hearing he was lying down.

I wish things were different. Especially for my son. This is completely tragic and yet I can still hold myself, and know my son will be with me again, and that my love will undo all the things that have been done to him. He has never lacked for love or attention from me, ever. I am his mother, and his confidante, and I love no one more.

Of course I'd still model, even if I'm holding someone else's baby. Pre-Raphaelite.

How strange though--I haven't done any modeling for art or anything, for years and years. I used to do it for artists now and then but it was with my clothes on. Too shy the other way. But sometimes I'd have to sit in the same position for 3 hours or more. It's a lot harder than one would think and that's when I learned how to meditate. I would focus on a branch outside, and let my thoughts go free.

I walked on, and into a dive of a Mexican/Salvadorian bar. I wanted to try out the new songs I've learned in Spanish, so I sang Karoake with a small group of 10 people who were already there, singing in Spanish. It was fun, but the key changes weren't so good. The songs started out very low, which isn't great for my voice range. But afterwards, a hispanic woman eagerly touched my arm and asked me if I would sing the Bangles song, "Eternal Flame" with her, in English. I sang their songs in Spanish and she wanted to sing with me in English. So we did, and then I walked home and decided to go to bed. It had been a long, stressful, day, mentally. Just thinking about my son a lot.

I sang Shakira's "Suerte" and "La Tortura" and then a duet on "Eternal Flame". ;) I guess I'll start out my morning listening to "Eternal Flame".