Right To Free Speech An Embarrassment?

My grandmother said recently how "embarrassed" my son would be one day to see what I've written. How embarrassed my family is by why I write. How I should be embarrassed to be living such a "sinful life" and writing what I write.

CPS says they took my son because of what I wrote on my blog and The Willamette Week article. They read into my writings as if my entire life is all about a moment I capture online for 10 minutes. Actions and opinions they disagree with, which are contrary to their philosophies.

Conformity is what they wish for.

I am judged, not only as a woman, but as a mother, by writing opinions, ideas, and thoughts which are too "masculine" and therefore seem "wrong" or "aggressive" or "unfeminine".

Mothers should embody the same traits they were expected to embody 100 years ago. We have the right to vote, but not the right to publish thoughts which are not uniform with the "domestic goddess" expectations. A woman speaking up or speaking out is anathema to motherhood.

It is okay for women to have sex outside of marriage, to be intelligent, to be politically minded, and a number of other things, but it is still not okay to be outspoken or to speak up about misconduct as a voice of reason, without being cast as a hysteric or mentally ill. Cindy Sheehan lost her entire family and gained the derision of the same Christopher Hitchens who defended Lewinsky. Lewinsky was just giving blow jobs in private, and with consent, but Sheehan dared to take a public stand on a political issue without having the "proper training" or degree. She didn't have the ability to file a lawsuit on behalf of what greivances she had, or to stop the war and save other sons. She just did what she felt she could do, which women have done throughout the centuries, and been ridiculed for.

Howard Stern can spank women on televison and speak about a number of explicit matters, and not be in danger of losing either his children, or the respect of a community. He is just a man. Boys will be boys and some will be worse than others. No one interprets his audacious behavior or comments as "the shock jock" to mental illness or translates this into an inability to be a good father. But if the mother of his children did the same thing, she would be questioned.

Ann Coulter. With children. I would bet money on it that Ms. Coulter's failed engagement was the result of cold feet by a fiance who worried about what everyone else thought about his woman. What kind of mother would she be? was she an embarrassment? she said "crazy" things. Coulter is only barely passable and protected by her education and the fact that she made money and had money before she began her shock journalism. If someone on welfare said the exact same things Coulter says, they would be in trouble.

Even with her money, Coulter is still "in trouble" as a woman who doesn't really "know her place" in society. She's made a niche and has her followers, but who the hell wants to marry her? (and that's the question we ask, not "who the hell does she want to marry?")

Gloria Steinem married, shocking all, after she softened up. She was not still the raging activist when she married.

It's acceptable for men to be activists--because men are the ones who are supposed to be "active". Women are still expected to be "passive" or "passivists". They are only accepted if they abide under the proper restraints and authority of a man. Even Palin is under the guidance of a man, McCain. She would have had no chance whatever without him. America is ready to accept a man, of any color, race, religion, and background, before they are ready to accept a woman who has even better qualifications than the "best man". This is likely the result of ingrained Puritanism combined with fundamental evangelical waves AND the conservative Catholicism that gains ground in the U.S. Not to mention Mormons and other faiths which put women in a position of needing to be the sheltered or sheltering delicate flower.

With the posts I make, I feel liberated. To deride someone who has so comfortably expressed disdain about me, is freeing. I don't care if she's the daughter of some once-running for President man. If I care, then I put her or her family's position, and a regard for egalitarianism above the ability to treat everyone equally, without fear of reprisal. We already know the poor and powerless will not be able to fight back, and so the rich, privileged, or status quo get away with shit they should never get away with to begin with. People do not speak up to power, and they should. The poor should feel comfortable to accuse the rich. The rich should be strong enough and secure enough to take it, and should appreciate some honesty when they're surrounded by flattering brown nosers all day. If I practice treating others with deference to how they may relatiate against me, or in deference to their status, I am only setting myself up to practice disaparate and unequal treatment throughout my life, in every avenue. I should be equally critical of the failings of someone who is either rich or poor. I should be ready to praise the successes and accomplishments of those who are either rich or poor. It should make no difference to me. I still have that fear, after what I've been through, but each time I dare to post something I know will make "the wrong people" angry, I know I buck the system in my own way, and hopefully inspire others to do the same.

If I write about a sexual position to explain to someone best chances of conceiving, I know this will be shocking to some and an "embarrassment". If a man did basically the same thing, no one would think it was as "bad" and no one would claim it was inappropriate for a father to write such a thing.

I am a writer, period, and it really doesn't matter if I've published a book or not. I've written enough to prove I am, by definition, a writer, and while I'm not that great, I certaintly am not the worst we've seen. I deserve the respect of the provisions of free speech as long as I do not cross the ethical boundaries which protect others from defamation. If something is a lie, it should not ever be said or written. Period.

As for my writings being a reflection of my parenting, this is bullshit. I can write about certain things and yet not speak these same things to a young child. I know who my audience is and it's certaintly not been the preschool set. When my son is older, I hope he will have a respect for women as free thinkers and doers, and not just that, but speakers.

A mother has the right to be an activist, be poor, be outspoken, and to do all of the same things men do with impunity. It makes no difference in the ability to be a good parent. As for setting an "example", I am the MOTHER and I am a WOMAN who chooses what example I want to set. Actresses who are mothers have sex scenes they don't show to their children. Having these scenes doesn't mean they are doing this around the house in front of children or that they're showing these scenes to children. When their kids are older, they will be free to form their own opinions. Is having a mother who is exposed to the world having a sex scene in the nude...is this something a mother should be "proud of"? If a woman on welfare were found to have distributed several amateur "sex tapes" which are mainly only show, she would be under scrutiny. The only thing that elevates certain women's actions to a degree of "respectability" is money. Why should money be the determinant for respect? or is it only a healthy respect for the power which a mother with money could level at someone who tries to attack her for her choices?

At the most basic levels, women are still treated like shit. Especially poor women who dare to be different.

I should be able to offend whom I choose to offend, and befriend whom I choose to befriend and this should not have bearing on what my relationship with my son is about.

What I find to be an "embarrassment" is the way others behave who are intolerant, judgemental, prejudiced, ignorant, narrow-minded, cruel, unkind without reason, and uncharitable. Those who pressure others to conform to their standards and values and punish people who will not "submit". This should be an embarrassment. It should be an embarrassment for others to treat eachother differently on basis of class or gender, or to attempt to punish and hold down anyone who dares to criticize. Argue back, fight back, but use the same weapon. Pen for pen, not pen for bloody giant Magic Marker.

I don't like bullies, and really, no one should.

Assholes should learn to fight fair and cheapskates shouldn't ride on the tails of the bullying paid for by others. Fight your own battles and learn to stand ALONE. Stand up for yourself for once, and stand up for someone no one else is standing up for, for ONCE. Despite what you know the response is likely to be.

I want my son to be a man of moral courage. Of intellectual fiber. Of good heart.

And I haven't been perfect and am still not perfect. I cave, crawl, and pick up pennies from the street when someone is dropping them just to watch me pick them up. I have still been guilty of not speaking up for myself in the moment, or for someone else, and I've been guilty of being afraid of what someone would do if I spoke up about something I felt I should speak up about. I have been afraid to voice my opinion, but I don't like this. Which is why I'd rather practice the other extreme, of being bold, before I begin shopping for the appropriate all occasion filter.