AA My Friend

They say to beware of the woman scorned...What about the man scorned? I think it's almost more dangerous. Women get chopped into pieces, and stuffed into car trunks because of men scorned. No, no bunny baby. Men don't cook a bunny in a pot when sociopathic, they kill the woman.

So, a very dramatic way to begin this post, and I have to make a disclaimer because otherwise this would be insinuating someone I know is violent, and I don't think so. At least, I hope not. But passive-aggressive, yes, and men like to help other men out when the ego is injured.

Hell hath no fury like a male ego scorned.

First, I have shirts missing from my closet and then reappearing at work and at my apartment. Then, I make a loud comment about "you pissed all over the toilet seat and you expect ME to clean it up?!!!" The next thing that happens, is my roommate starts pissing all over the toilet seat at my apartment and doesn't clean it up. And I've been living with him for over a month and he never did this until, I guess, I insulted whom I'm starting to think is his "buddy".

Finally, I asked this guy if he would reimburse me $20 for some things I had to buy on account of him, and he said no, he didn't have the money. He then proceeded to put at least $10 into the jukebox, and the rest on drinks for himself.

So tonight, after trying to mask an obvious hook-up with an older woman who is probably married and whose husband would beat the living shit out of, before he leaves to stage his disappearance "on an errand" act, he asks ME for "a favor." For $30, after he's been blowing through money all night on drinks, jukebox, and video games. He claimed he needed it to get him through until Sunday, for food and taxis, and that's b.s. I gave it to him anyway, and sure enough, the older woman leaves shortly after he's left, and I have the absolute brilliant intuitive knowledge he's used the $30 to buy a bunch of condoms.

And I really do not think he needed my money to do it, but that it was another passive-aggressive act of taking something from me to use doing something he figured would bother me.

Which doesn't bother me, and I don't know why, first of all, he would try to hide his game-plan when I don't care, and why, secondly, he stages his game at my workplace when I'm working. I mean...???? Why?

This is his modus operandi. The last time he did it and I knew, it was with a married woman who was JAG. A lawyer for the military. He goes for a lot of the military and, probably, FBI type women who are traveling and just want to screw someone on the side. (I'm actually starting to get a bad impression of the military after seeing how often this happens.) So I think he actually sets it up for them to meet him there, (maybe he doesn't, but I have a feeling...) and then he chats with them, and they have drinks, and then he's leaving and then the woman is waiting around for awhile. She goes to the bathroom, and then she leaves after waiting, I don't know why, at least 10-20 minutes. They've obviously been flirting, and I can see how the women are acting when they're preparing to leave, and then, the first time, voila, who comes BACK into the workplace but this guy, who just left for a couple of hours of screwing. I ask him about it and he says, "No, she's MARRIED." which is a give-away lame excuse right away, because he's already admitted openly that he screws married women. Secondly, she wasn't acting very "married" when they were "chatting" over drinks.

So, again, same dance and routine. So predictable and old already. I guess I have a terrible case of "pattern recognition". Tonight, exact same routine. But this time, he wants my money to use for his sport.

And a friend of his is, I believe, in on this, and after acting nasty and glaring at me all night, suddenly smirks as he's walking by.

I guess, because they think they're doing something really "bad" and "sneaky" that, they imagine would bother me but I'll never catch onto.

At any rate, my exes and even friends know I can pick up on things. I swear to God, the man I marry will be in living fear of me, because I do not just pick up on things, I have, literally, telling dreams which show me what's going on if I haven't already picked up on it. It happened to me with my boyfriend from high school and he was freaked out about it. First I predicted a former flame he never talked to, was going to tell him she wanted to marry him, and he scoffed, and then a day later she DID, and he called me, voice shaking, to tell me. Also, I had dreams when he was cheating on me and lying about it, claiming he wasn't sleeping with this woman he was sleeping with, and I had very specific dreams and told him about one and he almost had a heart attack, and after knowing I already knew, said yes, it fit. I hadn't even known what the location was, but in my dream, there was a location and it fit the description.

Basically, I trust my instincts...try to...most of the time. I don't take all of my dreams seriously, but there are ones where I just "know". And other times, intuitive feelings I find out are right.

So, it's all speculation and I can't PROVE it, but he already brags about his behavior and says he's slept with thousands of women and there have been women who come forward to verify how many different people he's slept with and they say they didn't believe it at first until they saw how easily he walked out of a bar with them.

Which, by the way, is his achilles heel. I used to think maybe he was just an alcoholic but now I think sex-addict too. However, he only does these things, usually, at least, after he's soused.

He got so drunk the other night, and was staggering around, tripping over things, and mumbling how he just wanted to finish his beer, and I walked over after he'd sat down, yanked it off the table, poured it into the trash, and threw the empty glass into a bin.

The next day he said he thought about going to AA meetings that morning, but instead decided to have a beer. And then proceeded to more beer, and then women, as is the pattern. And right before he decides to pick up a woman, he falls into his depressive state where he is visibly depressed and doesn't look well, and claims he's just being "introspective".

First he gets more talkative and high, and then low to depression, and then just want to screw and forget about what is on his mind, and then, if he's drunk enough, he'll have horrible apnea and snoring, and frightened jerking and calling out at night, and anyone whose lived in the same house with him knows. It's like PTSD that only comes out at night, in the subconscious, that he keeps under wraps during the day. He even jumped at dogs barking once, and it made me think he's either been held hostage, tortured in some weird situation, or horribly abused as a child and teen, and even, beated repeatedly.

But this is all me writing, because while I feel bad, and was the only one to "cut him off" when everybody should be cutting him off until he reforms and takes care of himself, if they care about him, he's also doing passive-aggressive things behind my back and thinks I'll never catch on.

I guess, since I blog, most people feel they cannot retaliate or speak out against me, because they're afraid I'll write about them. So, my blogging creates, perhaps, the need for them to act out in a passive-aggressive way.

However, there are a couple of people and I won't say who, who should really go to AA. For one thing, most of the alcoholics I know are intelligent and interesting people. Why not go to a meeting, just to see who else is showing up? One person I know likes to tell stories--why not watch "Fight Club" and get inspired to sit in on a meeting which could not only be productive, but could generate a host of funny or interesting stories? And another one I know, who mentioned going today, why not?!! It would be great. I don't know if it's a good idea to go with a friend to AA meetings, like a buddy system, as it seems to work with Weight Watchers, or if it's better to go alone and meet new people randomly. But, I would think, in Washington D.C., an AA meeting would be very good, and very, very, interesting.

I don't have to go, because I quit drinking altogether without a problem. Which means I'm not an alcoholic (and never have been either)...I am lucky in that regard, because I have way more than my fair share of other "issues" to deal with. Everyone has their issues and demons. I guess a lot of people know what some of mine are.

But I haven't had a problem with addiction. I know I COULD sometime in my life, which is why I choose not to smoke cigarettes or get started, but I am sympathetic to those who do, because it really is not only mental sometimes, but also physiological at a certain point.

And it's a bad cycle. Sleeping with tons of people, randomly, doesn't help with depression, once you're sober, which doesn't help with staying sober. It's a vicious cycle, and there are also plenty of people who take advantage of and exploit those who are caught in that cycle.

Which brings me to Christopher Hitchens. I'd almost forgotten about the man! His wife seems lovely and they should stay together until death does part them...however, why does she almost boast about how he is a "highly functional alcoholic?" Why doesn't she leave his ass until he sobers up and his editors drop his columns too, until he goes to rehab? It's like it's not okay for the guy on the street to be a drunk, or regular people, but if you can still manage to shine somehow, it's tolerated. I'm not talking about being teetollars (and I can't even spell it right), but these are people with major medical issues and THEY know it, and THEY know who is enabling them.

Here is a picture for analogy. Just like drinking alcohol, or smoking, or doing drugs, eating is also acknowledged as an addiction, or it can be. We, as a society, think it's disgusting when we see the woman or man who weighs in at ONE TON, and who is stuck to their chair or couch and have to have a firetruck come in to get them out, and then half of the time, they die in the hospital as the fabric is being removed from their skin. Some of these very fat people have grown INTO their furniture. They have partners and friends and family and we think, "How could anyone ALLOW that?" We think it's neglect, and almost abusive, to just let someone fester in their addiction in this way.

Yet alcoholics get mixed messages. It's supposedly "bad" but only if one is violent when alcoholic or driving drunk. Otherwise, it's sort of lauded and tolerated. We see some of the symptoms but because half of the medical stuff that happens is internal, we don't become alarmed as we are at seeing people stuck into their chairs. Yet alcoholics are stuck and grown into their chairs. They cannot get out, even if they try, no matter how hard, and they need assistance, and yet people just stand to the side and think they can pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

Sometimes, even if someone WANTS to get out of that chair, they can't. They are physically unable to do it for themselves and if it's bad enough these people get checked into rehab.

Before it gets THAT bad, why not just check into rehab on one's own? Figure out, maybe, in AA, if it's psychological or also physical, and then move forward?

We do we think Hitchens must NEED his drink to be a good writer. He doesn't need it, and while mild drinking could help relax and loosen a writer, heavy drinking impairs it. How much greater would he be, and how much longer would he be around for his wife and children, if he quit?

We hear if you really love someone, you accept them just the way they are. You accept the fact that you will never be able to change that person. However, I think you can accept the person, and their worth, and still draw the line at behavior which is known to be harmful.

In the short-term, self-medication can serve a purpose. I think it's very good to have a drink or two, and that it gets anyone through a bad time now and then, and is relaxing, and even has health benefits in moderation. But once a line is crossed, it's very difficult to get back, and then the cycle goes on, and while, I think, all of these people want to be better, and are essentially "good people", knowing you're addicted is hard on the self-esteem too. Which leads to drink, to worse self-esteem, to drink, to sex with strangers who don't care about you, to numbing, to depression, to drink...

Someone with a drinking problem is growing into the furniture and the enablers are no better for being "tolerant" than those who keep feeding the addiction of the morbidly obese.

I was very happy to learn some people quit drinking as much, or altogether, after reading some of my posts, about things that happened to me while under the influence.

I hope this post serves a purpose. I think a bunch of people should just go to AA just for the hell of it at least--if it's too intimidating or embarrassing to go for oneself, why not go out of curiousity, to find out who else is there and what their story is?

Some of the people, too, should be in counseling or talk more to their friends, about things in the closet.

I write all my crap out of the closet. It's my own way of cleaning things up for myself and it works for me, but different strokes for different folks.

Catharsis will lead to a better life. And, while I miss feeling so silly sometimes and letting down my guard entirely with a buzz, or being drunk for a night, there IS, often, a price to pay, and why do anything that will make you sad, or feel bad later? Again, I don't think there's anything wrong with being drunk or buzzed now and then, but once you've crossed the line, you sort of can't go back. When it's become an addiction, I don't think it's possible to just be drunk once in awhile. Which is why abstinence works best.