Now for the other bizarre thing, which happened well into my litigation against the Abbey, while I was trying to find a lawyer, actively, and after Dan Gatti and Greg Smith had contacted Dick Whittemore (Abbey attorney) about my case...
I know for sure that I had already reported Dan Gatti and Greg Smith to the Oregon State Bar. I later reported Dick Whittemore too, but I can't remember if I had reported all of them at the time I decided to get a "psych eval" of my own accord.
I never told Christa. For whatever reason, I think by that time, just a couple of things weren't adding up so I kept my mouth shut. But, stupidly, I DID tell all of these people at the Oregon State Bar, who knew me well by then, and who kept claiming the lawyers were all innocent (to avoid paying PLF liablity to me). I had the Abbey and Gatti and Smith trying to assert their innocence by defaming me, claiming I was "troubled". I WAS troubled, but it wasn't because of mental illness--it was because I was in the middle of dealing with a bunch of con artists, crooks, and cowards.
I had also been defamed to the Mt. Angel police and so, after the Oregon State Bar let the lawyers off easy, and after they harassed me and made some illegal claims (which my then-friend and practiced attorney Robin Bechtold TOLD me were false and invalid arguments), I decided to get a psych eval.
Stupidly, I asked the Oregon State Bar who I should go to.
Haha. That was Big Mistake #1.
I was already accusing the Oregon State Bar of covering things up for their guys! And the people who "investigated" and declared them innocent, were Catholic.
So who do I get referred to, but a psychologist the Oregon State Bar used for themselves, and one who, I later found out, was Catholic.
I really don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I didn't put 2-and-2 together then, or maybe it was just that I had so much faith in myself that I believed no one could actually lie about me. I think it might have been the latter.
So I paid for it, myself, to CLEAR myself. I paid for an MMPI, and then a more exacting test, because, I guess, the pschologist was disappointed I turned out so "normal" on the MMPI.
I didn't really know how hard he was working and trying to "get something" on me, until after I picked up his chart notes later, which he refused to release to me until I got a LAWYER, a Mormon one, involved. I am not kidding. Not only did this guy try to write me up in a bad way, I found out he was Catholic, and before I found out, when I got suspicious about him and decided to quit his services, he then refused to give me copies of his "results"!
So this is what happened. This is my true story of a little trip to the "psych man", who needed evaluation himself (half of them are crazier than we are) which is probably why they have the highest suicide rate, next to psychiatrists, of any profession.
This was ONE thing that I do NOT think Christa knew about. I think some people with the Oregon State Bar knew, and maybe other Catholics, but for some reason, I do not think the information got around to her and I'll eventually explain why.
I was referred, by The Oregon State Bar, to Dr. David Blakeslee, in Oregon. When I first met him, I liked him because he sort of seemed gay, and was mild-mannered, and he did seem to be fairly intelligent. My first impression of him was passing. I told him I wanted the FULL Evaluation, and, stupidly, I told him why. I told him I'd had complaints with the Oregon State Bar. Here I am, telling this to a guy who makes his money off of the Oregon State Bar.
I think this post might end up being my favorite one, out of them all...
I WAS also given the name of a woman the Bar used, and I liked how she sounded over the phone but I was too freaked out by all the testing she wanted to do. She didn't just want the MMPI, she was thinking I might be a genuis (or something) and wanted me to have a full-scale I.Q. battery and a bunch of other intelligence tests, and the blot test where you say the inkblot resembes a bug or a flower, and just a ton of things I didn't think were important. I didn't want to know how smart I was. I just wanted to prove I was sane and not mentally ill, but I also went in with an open mind. David sounded a little more pragmatic so I went with him.
I wondered about him though, because he wanted to spend the whole time talking about the Immaculate Conception of Mary. I kid you not. He didn't ask about my childhood that much, or current situation, but I told him I had legal problems with the Abbey and some monks and how they were mad at me about my questioning some of their dogmas. He wanted to go into detail about all the dogmas and what I had "discovered". So I questioned his extraordinary interest in all things Catholic. At that time, I wasn't even afraid of going to Catholics for professional things, because I didn't have enough bad things happen which I could chalk up to them. But I still wondered.
I saw him, I believe, 3 times, and I spent some of that time filling out tests. I started getting a really bad feeling about him by the third time and quit before finishing with him.
But, I completed the MMPI, and on all scales I was "normal". When I took that test, too, I did not try to manipulate an outcome. If the question said, "Have you ever been followed before?" I answered yes, because yes, I HAD been followed. I remember one was "Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender?" and I said "Yes", because what woman today isn't aware of the obstacles we still have to overcome. I didn't say yes because I wanted to be a man sexually, but because they have more privileges. I remember this one was marked as a stand-out which needed further "analysis" or something. Like,there's a section where certain questions are pulled out for cross-exam by the psych, but there were only a couple and they had explanations like the one I just gave.
Anyway, according to the MMPI, I was deemed normal, without any mental illness. So then Mr. Blakeslee decided to give me a more complex, challenging, test, which, he told me was sometimes not fair to the client. He said it was more harsh and that it had to be analyzed carefully. So I wasn't afraid, and I took it. I sort of think it was the Weschler or something? Whatever is used that makes even normal people sound nuts, is the next one I took. But! I was even NORMAL, according to THAT test! All the results showed up normal. Oh, wait, it wasn't the Weschler--that one is an intelligence test and I just looked it up. I'm going to try to find the one I took and then post the name here...I can't find it...I'll have to come back to this.
However, Mr. Blakeslee did not want me to be normal, as I soon found out.
What he did, is completely misquote me and take a whole bunch of things I said out of context. He wrote me up like a lawyer would, a lawyer for the Bar and Catholic church, not like a pyschologist. AND, interestingly, he pegged me with a disorder none of the clergy, Abbey attorneys, or Wenatchee medical professionals pegged me with. Ha! Everyone wants me to fit their own narrow self-serving purpose.
ALSO, what is GREAT, is that when I finally did tell Christa about it, and she eagerly asked what I'd been diagnosed with, I told her the name of diagnosis' which he never mentioned. And these titles started showing up in medical records in Wenatchee.
First things first, why I know Blakeslee was out to screw me. Here is ONE example:
Blakeslee asked a lot of questions where I could damn or damage myself. About my childhood, was I ever abused, did I do this or that, and one of his questions was, "Have you ever done anything which might be considered 'bizarre' or out of the ordinary?" and I hesitated and laughed and said, "Yes!" because I was thinking of something funny I did by mistake. So I started telling him my funny story, about how I once accidentally wore a flannel nightgown to church. I thought it was hilarious, because it was an honest mistake, and most people also thought, as I did, that it was a DRESS, not a nightgown. It did not look like a flowered, ruffled, flannel nightgown. It looked like an outdoor kind of dress from catalogs of Eddie Bauer, and it was plaid, following the grunge clothing styles of Oregon. In Oregon, tons of people wore flannel plaid shirts, and this just looked, to me, like a flannel, plaid dress. So I described ALL of these details to Blakeslee. There was no way he misunderstood. The "dress" had deep pockets, and no frill anywhere, and just had a few buttons down the front, and it had a regular oxford-style collar. I had only two people approach and ask if it was a "nightgown" and I was shocked. I said, "Of course not!" and no one else thought it was and I asked around, because I wasn't going to wear it again, if it LOOKED like a nightgown to anyone. So I tell Blakeslee this, and tell him how I was humiliated and red-faced when I got home, and curious, looked at the label on the back of the collar, to find it said something like "sleepywear" or "bedtime basics"--something that clearly indicated it was a nightgown, only by the label. So I was mortified and never wore it out again.
Here I am, thinking I'm amusing Blakeslee with an innocent-mistake story, and after I got his chart notes, I realized why he'd tried to keep them from me. His translation of this whole event?
He wrote it up something to the effect of: "patient has engaged in socially bizarre acts, once wearing a nightdress to a church service."
NO disclaimer.
I remember taking in a sudden deep breath of shock, and thinking "ANOTHER RAT." So his entire analysis of me, was written up with skewed comments like THIS. Which is why I now firmly believe in the practice of having EVERYTHING tape-recorded so there is no way for someone to lie about what I'm saying.
Even on my MMPI and the other psych test, they came up NORMAL, or within normal range, and yet he writes, on the sidelines: "histrionic"?!!!!
In the end, with my not even finishing sessions with him, because I had already begun to feel a gut feeling about him, that he was out to do SOMEONE a favor, and it wasn't ME, he labled me as... Guess.
You've all been dying to know how I'd be written up, right? I speak to the CPS idiots and medical professionals and others who follow my blog...
Narcissistic.
That was his conclusion. I had the personality disorder of Narcissism.
LOL. And he felt I was such a severe case that I should be HOSPITALIZED FOR IT.
I am laughing out loud, because that is CERTAINTLY not one of the mental illnesses I was pegged with in Wenatchee by the doctors. Guess what I told Christa Schneider he said I was?
Well, it got really good, because when I finally told Christa I'd had a psych eval, she was practically frothing at the mouth with excitement, especially after I said it "hadn't been good". She was dying to know more so I built it up. I told her, I was really, really, scared and nervous, because if anyone ever found out, I might end up in a psych ward for the rest of my life. She was so eager, I cannot even tell you. I told her he'd written I should be immediately admitted to a hospital, to a psych ward or a full-blown psych hospital, and she was falling over herself. "What was it?" she asked. She HAD to know.
I said, "Oh, I can't remember. I think it was something like Borderline or Bipolar or something." And that is what I had people suggesting, until they felt "schitzo" fit better.
Idiots, idiots, idiots. Oh, oops. My narcissism is showing.
After I told Christa I had a psych eval that included testing, and it was "really, really bad and recommended hospitalization, I think she and her group thought they were in for good. They were covered. They could now do anything they wanted and feel assured that somewhere out there, there was a very SERIOUS mental illness diagnosis that was going to BACK THEM and all their evil deeds up.
Which is really tragic, because then my son and I were literally tortured and no one believed me, but on the other hand, right now, revealing this information publicly and to Wenatchee for the first time, I feel I'm having a bit of a last laugh.
And since I can't stop laughing, I am going to take a quick break.
I'm back. I think Blakeslee, since he had nothing to go off of from the tests (since I was within normal range on all things), tried to make as much as he could out of whatever he thought would be most acceptable. So, since I was HIGHER in scores for self-confidence and self-esteem (though still in the "normal" range), he thought he could throw in "Narcissistic". He also made a point to write that he guessed I was only slightly above-average for intelligence, (when really he had no way of knowing my actual intelligence after a couple hours of talking) so this could have been used to underscore his point. He probably thought it helped the lawyers, by making it sound like I felt I was superior, when I only THOUGHT I knew more than I did.
The biggest indicator he was trying to skew results was that he wrote things I didn't say at all, and then skewed other things. That, in combination with his efforts to argue with objective test results (when his analysis could only be subjective), showed bias.
But nonetheless, I looked up "narcissistic" in the DSMVs, to see if it added up. It didn't.
I think Christa and the rest hoped it was "bipolar" or something, so they could claim I was sometimes delusional and had "psychotic breaks". It's a little bit difficult to get "psychotic breaks" out of "narcissism". And I've never heard of anyone being hospitalized for narcissism either.
At any rate, the tests which were objective were the ones that counted, and I was normal on them. When I got them, I asked another pyschologist to go over the results with me so I understood how to read it. It was normal.
On the other hand, regarding the diagnosis from Blakeslee, while it seemed Christa didn't know what it was, I think John Kaempf, attorney for the Abbey, got wind of it.
Because right after it was done, he kept saying to the Judge, over and over, how I thought I was "special" and I was manipulative and not really crying because I was sad, but just to manipulate. He said all of these things on the record, especially in Marion county, and he said all of this before I even was able to get the results from Blakeslee and see them myself. So I DO believe it's possible, or even likely, given the number of comments Kaempf made, that HE knew what the results were and was trying to feed off of it.
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