Pain

I can't sleep bc of the pain. This doctor has me on basically NO pain control at all. I asked the nurse hours ago if she'd call him and she did but he hasn't responded.

My pain is bad enough that it radiates down my thighs. I hurt, and think it's irresponsible for any doctor to cut off my access to having a pain evaluation, and cutting off medications as well.

As for my boyfriend, he's still been talking to people about my health stuff and I asked him not to, in case he didn't know. Then he was pissed at me, with a mean hard face when this other doctor totally railed on ME and went off and kept interrupting, and she wanted me to show her how much I was bleeding. After she told me she was doing nothing for my pain. So I told her I wasn't showing her anything and that I had already told her I'd let her look after I went to the bathroom. She wanted it then and now and I said no, I was going to the bathroom first.

So what does my boyfriend do but poke his head around himself to see what the blood loss was. His eyes were examining the bed and other things which might show blood loss. He seems to be more interested in my medical affairs than most people would be and he seems to have some minor medical training.

I told him I was upset about the methergine thing and wasn't taking it without pain control and he was just mad at me thinking the doctor was trying to "help" when he doesn't even understand english, and if he does, he's not listening. It's totally weird to have someone take methergine without pain relief concurrently. They think IM not a doctor so I must be an idiot.

I could tell my boyfriend was glad they were cutting off my pain killer and I thought what is his problem? why does he care so much? he was asking me how much I was given, how many times a day, and all kinds of crap. and he acts like it's "bad" when he KNOWS I have severe pain. It's like he's never had an injury in his life, not anything serious like what I've had at least.

The anasthesiologist today said it's true that natural redheads need about 25% more anathesia than anyone else and he said, in general, for everything else as well, including pain killers, because of the way redheads metabolize painkillers and medications and it's scientifically DiFFERENT from the rest of the population. Also, studies have been done which prove redheads respond best to forms of morphine, more than others of other hair colors, and that the response to morphine is better than for any other kind of painkiller or medication. that's a documented fact and I believe there's even something about it on the wiki page for "redheads".

Honestly, if my boyfriend keeps acting paranoid and weird about medications and narcotics for legitimate PAIN, I don't think I could stay with someone who doesn't listen to me and believe me, because that's dangerous for my own health. I don't think he should have any opinion one way or the other, when he knows I'm in pain and he should be advocating for me to be comfortable, not acting out of irrational fears or bias or because he doesn't believe me or personally doesn't need medications himself so thinks no one should. I'm moving to the fucking netherlands. if pain is to be a part of my life, I have to live in a location where my needs are met and if people don't listen to me, when it's important to feel good and be in decent health, I have to move on.

Maybe I could talk to my boyfriend about this...

Right after I wrote this, the nurse came in and said someone called and said I could be given a one time 2 mgs Diauldid for my pain for overnight and then see the doctor about everything in the morning.

I feel NORMAL now. I am very, very, thankful for the Diauldid and it really does make a difference. For some reason the Percocet were not working but the Diauldid actually helps, when I get enough of it. For example, right now I actually STILL have some discomfort. I have cramps I can feel in my abdomen but with the Diaul it's more pressure pain than real pain. I have backache and pain still but it's much, much, better to where I wouldn't think about it as much but I CAN still feel it. I'm not knocked out by any means. And then the pain in my thighs, the radiating pain, is completely gone. It was pretty bad, down to my mid-thigh and this time, my left leg wasn't numb to touch or feeling "inside" and I could just feel pain. Then it will go numb and I don't feel it as much.

"I can see clearly now, the pain is gone..." the song came to mind. Anyway, about my boyfriend, I do like him or I wouldn't be holding on still. There are advantages to our marriage and there are genuinely things to like. I'm just looking at all the bad or concerning things right now, so I know what to weigh the good against.

One thing I like that my boyfriend says, is "Yo creo en ti" or however you say I believe in you. It's a good thing to tell a woman, and well, maybe someone like me who needs someone to believe in her. He is supportive of me in many ways but I want him to believe in me and believe me that I'm a good judge of my pain and medical issues. En generales.

I guess it's hard for people to understand my pain when they see me dancing like crazy at the Colombian party. How could I dance like that, if I'm really hurt and have pain? I guess it goes to show I actually have a high threshhold for pain, maybe. I took advil and had some drinks that night but I did have to sit down and quit and then I paid for it with increasing numbness and pain. I try, and I tough it out, but if it gets bad, I know when it's time to go in. Believe me, everybody.