Vibes

In some ways I am feeling a lot safer, and in other ways, like there is still something brewing. I don't know how to describe it. I sense some kind of protection for me personally but there's still other stuff going on. Some of it isn't about me either, I think, but has to do with someone else or something else. Don't know how to describe it.

I don't sense the danger or bad vibe this morning or today, not yet.

There was some guy in a truck with a wheel with wings sticker on the back that drove up to me and just looked over and stared at me with a mean glare, not looking away. For about 5 minutes, not looking away but looking at me, but even though this happened, I didn't sense the bad vibe thing I've been noting off-and-on lately.

Last night I was somewhat confused and depressed, but happier in a certain knowledge too. Just don't know what to do exactly.

Still having some odd computer problems, well, just things like an account I signed up for is problematic, and everything.

I had so much fun at the Colombian concert/party.

There was a good feeling there, and I loved the dancing and I don't know how to pronounce the Colombian drink but it's good--anise flavored. I noticed something sort of going on in the back with a particular group, and I think somehow they knew me in some way, in the very back, but aside from that, everything was very positive. It was more like a particular man and a woman I noticed, but that was it, and they didn't even look like they were from Colombian, though the man had dark hair. I didn't have the dangerl-bad vibe feeling with them, just couold tell they knew me somehow and were irritated or annoyed I was there or something. She had reddish blond hair and was white and he wore a sports jacket and had dark brown hair and it was like he couldn't even enjoy himself if I was near. It was a little interesting. The woman had come in with her partner sometime after me and joined the other group in the very back. I could tell she didn't like me. The other guy who wasn't her partner, just seemed distracted and annoyed or something that I was there. But I don't know who they were/are.

Everyone else seemed to be having a great time.

I could see mself doing the Colombian party scene or circuit. I love so much how everyone dances, and it doesn't matter how old you are, and usually, how drunk you are. lol.

It's funny because I say I'm going to a Colombian party and the reaction from others is one of either caution or they are very impressed.

The best part was this dance I had with one of our friends, and we'd also had a lot to drink, and everyone was laughing so hard. He was leading so fast, and I was dancing so fast, and all over the place, and just crazy fun and I realized almost everyone in the entire room was watching and I couldn't stop laughing and my lead couldn't stop laughing and I noticed my boyfriend was looking over a little nervously, and he said he'd been worried I was going to slip on a heel. It was CRRaazeee. My boyfriend said, "it looked like an American Idol audition." (a really bad and crazy one I think, but like a lot of fun)

then I was tired sometime after and sat there and I didn't feel like dancing, later that night, and then the same guy pulled me up and made me dance one more song and I jokingly twirled him around about five times and I was laughing and he was laughing and he thought I'd done it without intent. He said, "just twirl once" laughing, as I'd put my arms on him and spun him around a few times like a top.

I got to meet more of mi novio's friends too and had a nice time being introduced by him. We had some photos with the band and I got to meet more people.

I came to an understanding with my novio that night.

I need some dance lessons though, seriously. I was winging it all the way.

I have been using this declaration lately, and i don't know where it comes from, but I think I must have picked it up somewhere. "Confidence!" and I think I say it in the french pronunciation but maybe it sounds the same in Spanish. And then I raise my fists into the air. CONE-fee-DENCE!

maybe it's the same in both spanish and french??? I don't know, but it's turned into some symbolic statement I throw out now and then, and I keep thinking I've seen this somewhere. I think, "who does this?" i looked up winston churchill for some reason. someone used to do this a lot i think, who was before me.

oh great. I looked up "confidence!" along with "spanish" in google and what comes up but the wiki page for "Spanish Prisoner" and a description of something called a "confidence trick". I can't find the expression though, on its own. I don't know who I should attribute it to, if anyone.

This has been an interewsting day...I haven't been able to concentrate on anything. I'm just spacing out and listening to music. I happen to be sitting across from a town hall style clock and watching the clock. Then there are these white seagulls that keep flying around above in drafts of 3 or 4. The only thing I can think about is what is best means for transportation.

I've had a lot of problems with music staying at the same speed again. and staying on. At about 3 I felt like something great was happening but now it's 3:30 and something seems sad "out there" but I don't know what or why again.

So anyway, I am thinking about a lot of things today or trying to think and failing. Something doesn't feel right, but it's not danger. It's sadness for some reason.

I am so confused. So many things are going on and I don't know what to think about anything. I need a line-up. Come out with your hands up and hearts out.

I don't get the vibe of the sadness anymore. Right after I wrote last though, well, I won't write about it now. I'm still having problems with computer connection and stuff.