music & thoughts today

I've heard some favorite songs today and been thinking a lot. driving myself crazy for once.

"don't know much" by rondstadt and neville is one that always makes me smile and i feel very connected to. in a way, it's my song, i maybe sang this one when i was younger? i don't know, just resounding in its way.

it's sort of funny, but i like hearing "fame". it feels a little silly to like it, or very 80s, but i do. and i like this "wouldn't it be good" by nik, and i heard a non-80s song (i think) called "cozy in the rocket" from grey's anatomy which i'll have to listen to again. my son would like it. like "hungry eyes" esp. because it reminds me of someone i know and how many times i watched "dirty dancing" when i was babysitting at night while the kids were asleep and i was in jr. high and high school. it was the naughtiest movie i had ever seen.

i'll have to look up lyrics to "mi novio es un zombi"--the title cracks me up at least. mmm..."turn the tide" is very interesting, i especially like the part where he begins counting. not a bad voice either...who was that? johnny hates jazz.

"smuggler's blues" by glenn frey was a nice sort of folk style of songwriting with all the detail. "she's all i ever had" i liked but i forgot to write down who the artist is.

i think i like everything that's john parr. have i already said this? i heard "steal you away (flight of the spruce goose)" and realized i have liked each and every one of his songs and they still sound somewhat modern. he has good lyrics and a solid and strong voice. so does bonnie tyler, "holding out for a hero"--this is a very romantic and against the odds song. my favorite part, to the lyrics is "(he's gotta be) fresh from the fight."

i've been writing down all these spanish 80s songs too, so i'm able to translate them later and study them. the 80s had some very strong latino groups...soda stereo, alaska y dinarama, and los abuelos de la nada. whenever i hear "times two" i am warmed at heart, thinking about being younger days and i know a lot of these songs from church--the times two ones.

"cowboy" by sembello, makes me think of my engagement photos. lol. ;) the end with the shot cracks me up. hahahaaa. i don't love the music especially but i like the lyrics a lot. like "never gonna give you up" by rick astley and "still in love".

it reminds me of the day i first heard them singing "nothing but the blood of jesus" and thought "what station am i on?" and had a sort of discovery about something pretty big.

today i met an italian-irish man who i thought was a priest at first bc he was all in black, like some priests are, but without their collar, and he was a scientist at nih and told me about a bookclub. he was into artificial intelligence. i think that's his speciality and something brain related, but i don't remember that part. at any rate, it sounds like a worthwhile group and they read non-fiction books that have scientific topics. one about outliers, which are fascinating no matter what kind of outlier it is. and he writes scripts and works creatively as well, so we had a quick discussion over coffee and exchanged email addresses. thought it would be fun to keep in touch if i go to washington soon and then of course, i'd be interested in actually going to the bookclub later. i love nih. it is one of the most thrilling places, to me, in maryland/d.c. i told this man i met, "i like the idea of being surrounded by mad scientists" and he later told me i was a scientist myself, in my thinking style (he told me i was one of "them"). haha. but i let him know i'm worthless at math and labs and am not interested in measuring things precisely. i just like to do the reading and thinking about ideas. he said lately he's been thinking about outliers of or for success, such as a woman may say and people may think she succeeded because she got a scholarship, but really, it was that there was a revolution and she just so-happened to be walking behind the man who founded the program and wouldn't have otherwise discovered the opportunity. so, how people and countries succeed or don't succeed, and looking beyond the first detail to see what other factors came into play. we also discussed perspective and how we all tend to see a cup of coffee from one angle, and could describe it a certain way, from that angle or perspective, but how there are many different views and how that same cup of coffee looks different from other angles. something i absolutely agree on, and why i prefer thinking more diplomatically about other countries instead of seeing them as an enemy or something. how a freedom fighter to one person is a terrorist to another, for one extreme example. but really, i like to think about how people are fully dimensional.

i like "love of the common people" by paul young--almost made me cry but i'm in public so of course i didn't cry! i only get tears in my eyes in public, and manage a yawn to hide it. I just looked up some of the translations to the Alaska y Dinarama's songs and they are fantastic! Isis, and Quiero Ser Santa. The music is excellent alone, and then reading the mystical lyrics makes them even better. Very good.

i saw so many kids today but now i'm realizing it's bc it's saturday.

my fiance and i had a discussion about everything and then hung out with friends from colombia last night. bowling. i'm really not a bowler but i guess it's very popular in colombia and i at least enjoy socializing. so we joked around.

my fiance just came in and we talked. he got back from speaking with an attorney. it sounds like we can get married. we did speak seriously though and didn't know if things would go through, now we are on this track again and he wants to fly in on tuesday of next week, and get married after arrival. i am thinking this would be good and at the same time, i have all these things to clear up in hyattsville and over here.

i feel like i need some signs, but why should i even ask for this when i think i've had them (signs i mean). i have been so tightly strung, i was thinking today, when speaking with the man about the science bookclub, maybe i wouldn't fall asleep in yoga if i tried a class these days. he does yoga and meditation and i used to take yoga but my friends had to pick me up off of the mat afterwards because i got so relaxed i could barely move and just wanted to nap right there. i told him i'd like
to try the high energy or long posture yoga in the hot steamed rooms--where it's more challenging and invigorating. but right now, i probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep if i tried. and i've had some sleepless nights lately.

hahahaa. lol. i like "Italian Girls" by Hall & Oates so much, the chorus especially. The parts in italian are my favorite parts.

the thing is, the state told me, specifically, that if i did not go back to washington by the end of next week, they would file papers for termination of my parental rights. i've had some people say this can be appealed, even an english friend whom i respect and admire for his wit and the kind of work he does--he scoffed at this. but he had also said, months earlier, that i should go back to washington because of bonding laws in that state which could work against me. but maybe he'd read some things from my blog and hadn't realized until later how bad it was for me there? and everything that's been involved in bringing me down? or all the attempts to bring me down? so i'm a little confused.

i'm told i have time and can appeal. then i'm told i have no time and can't appeal. i'm told go back and then told work first and pay for a private lawyer to fix this mess, but i've no time now.

i am sure now, i have my sign. i know i'm right about my discovery but it baffles my mind and i also have no idea how in the world some things are connected. two sides, two dice, doubles. i'm getting an idea but i still don't know about my son. i am absolutely sure and certain. i still have no idea how this is possible. firsts are very important to me and i know what i saw and didn't want to see, which i realized later was my mistake. that there is someone i can trust, even if they are not perfect. i'm not so innocent. lloyd...ummm...hearing lloyd cole and the commoners "grace". donde tu va?

cps is going to point to these obscure comments and say this is proof i'm nuts. the lyrics from wham! i don't want your freedom are exactly how i feel. i am too happy to cry this time. someone is going to accuse me of trying to get ransom, and press charges for holding the catch hostage. i don't know how to put it, in an obscure way. i knew even when i didn't know, or my heart knew. something special and no one could understand, not the way we do but i didn't think you did.

i know someone has been praying, because i could tell. i could feel the prayers, or something. i prayed too. lol. this song is scary: "roses" by nik kershaw. it's true but down to earth ominous. really, really like "any colour" by cutting crew. so pretty. like "Taking My Chances" too, with the outfield. scary again, but good. i am writing in such an odd place. i probably won't forget it. i'm on my own little bare stage in front of the checkstands. i will probably go back to the house in a few minutes.

so i'm probably supposed to fly in for my mental check-up so they can say i'm nuts and then i'll be the perfect spy. better yet, make me one of those homeless spies that sits outside of the important buildings listening in to others' conversations.
lol. thinking about it makes me smile. i'll just socialize with everyone while holding my can, as long as i get to be with the one at the end of the day.

i need to get out of here, and get home. later i might write some images and about a dream i had. it was an unimportant dream but it was so long and detailed and then i woke up and forgot it and it came back to me in pieces, over the following week. was so weird. but it's not full of meaning at all, just an odd dream. it was, literally, a yardsale dream. so, really unimportant.

i like the drive of this, the underbelly of it. "hombre al agua" by soda stereo. okay, leaving now to be back. i think i'm writing more bc i'm stressed out by the whole situation with my son and figuring things out.