What Now

Just pissed. Wrote my mom and dad, finally, telling him who the actual father was. I have no idea what they'll say or if they'll even believe me. They didn't believe me when I called to say I'd just been held hostage. I had to get my friend on the phone to tell them. I should tell them to just call over to Moses Lake and ask the Waglers, if any of them are still living there.

I kept putting it off, because I thought I had to be wrong. I was getting missives, yes, but I didn't know if it was through Chris as Chris or Chris who was actually Will. I think it's Chris as Will because that explains why I saw Will's sister and why he knew some things about me. And he does act like Will. And why would Will's sister be in Maryland, living in Maryland, and finding me at the library? I mean, if Will was NOT Chris, she would've approached me I think. But if they were one and the same, she wouldn't because of the things I've written and maybe she would wonder what my reaction was? I don't know.

I like "You Spin Me Round (like a record)" by Dead or Alive. If it is not Will, this is a massive case of mistaken identity.

I often wonder if I was targeted, by Russians, in Wenathchee, for looking like some former Russian spy or sniper. Because I have been told, so many times, I look Russian. From my passport, many would say I looked like a Russian "spy" but I don't know how they got "spy" from the way I looked. But then in Wenatchee, someone was telling me I looked exactly like some famous Russian sniper, one of the best, and since I've been in D.C. area a lot of people have asked if I'm Russian. As far as I know, there is no Russian heritage and I don't think anyone else in my family looks Russian. I think it's just the combination of features or something. My ex thinks I look Russian. And this guy from NIH kept asking me if I was Russian and pressed for AnYONE in mhy family being Russian. If anyone is, it is such a deeply held secret, it was lost maybe 5 generations ago.

I would like to scan in photos of Granny sometime though. I am telling you, she could have brought Mata Hari to her knees. Granny was astoundingly beautiful. I mean, I think I can be pretty, when I'm put together, but Granny was truly stunning and beautiful, and really does look like some movie star. I will have to get photos when I go back to Wenatchee and post a few online. She's breathtaking in some of these photos and she had LEGS like you wouldn't believe. My legs are alright, but Granny had, and still has, to-die-for legs. Long and thin but shapely. Really beautiful.

I know this may sound strange too, but there are some photos where my mother looks like Princess Diana when my mother was a little girl. They look nothing alike as adults, but when they were both little girls, well, the one of Diana looking shy, in black and white, with the thick fringe of bangs, when she's about 6 or 8, I saw that photo and I think my mother looks a little bit like her. But maybe it's the shy expression, in part. There's one of my mother next to her Sheltland pony that's cute. I shouldn't underestimate--actually, my mother looks VERY much like diana in some photos. I will scan them when I get to them. I saw that one of Diana and it was the spitting image of my mother. My great-grandfather Henry was very handsome and he's in some kind of jacket or uniform with a pin that stands for something, don't know what. It sort of looks like a red cross pin but we can't tell. My mother's father has sort of Irish eyes. He's Scottish but maybe part Irish too? Anyway, I want to find the records of the history when I go back and I'll have to post things.

I'm done being pissed for now but it's not going away forever. At times I've worried Chris was not okay and that he'd died or was dying and I would feel horrible, but then I thought I'd figured out he's Will, and I had less pity. More faith and trust in some ways, but more pissed too. Because there is a very long history, for me, with Will. I would want to be where he is if he's not okay or dying or something. Even if he's in rehab, I would be there for him and I'd be upset not to be. But I am quite certain this involves the federal government with all the other things connected, and I'm pissed about that, because they KNOW there is nothing wrong with me but stand by to just allow all this shit to happen to me. There are people who can step in and right things and things are NOT going to be "righted" by my going to Wenatchee for a "psych eval". I am the one with evidence to prove the state lied and screwed up and mocked me, claiming I didn't have injuries I DO have, which I now have better evidence of.

I have every right to compensation for what the FBI has done, in general. Also, what they did, in collusion with Portland police and the Dept. of Justice, is actually criminal, and prosecutable under RICO. Obstruction of justice and intimidation of a victim. My facts fit the statutes.