Emergency--Visit With Son & Abuses By Those In Authority

From what I am gathering, and I might be wrong, but it seems like there are as many "gang" members in the state offices and in formal positions of authority, and they are actually using their positions to get money from the regular people who have no control over things, are too poor, or are not in any position to negotiate with anything, so they have to do what these state workers threaten them to do.

I see these workers checking on the other people, watching their expression, and exchanging information or nodding as to whether they're pleased with them, the regular people, or not. As if they have the right to lord their authority over everyone else, and yet because they have the positions, they have the power. But they are the dirtiest ones of all.

These are state officials and maybe federal ones too, who are actually taking bribes and favor and money from people who have no money, or have "offended" them or some even richer, higher up persons. And the corruption here is incredible and everyone knows it but they cannot do anything about it, because as my own public defender (who's done nothing for my case yet) says, "They hold all the cards."

When people get just a taste of it, or realize what's going on and how deep it is, they feel completely defeated and try to play along, just to save their families or to try to save their friends in some way. They are scared to say a word.

I haven't even seen the movie yet, and already I know, there will be a lot in common between what happens with dolphins in Japan and what is going on in these offices and courts here in Wenatchee. This is why it's so closed off to "outsiders".

I mean, these monitors who monitor the visits for my son, they come out and give the group that is sitting outside waiting, different nods and signals and I see people either looking happy or suddenly crestfallen. It is really strange. It's like these monitors are partly just determining everything and then signaling omething to the rest of the group. And yet I see the looks on these people's faces, and they are just hoping someone is going to do a good turn for them.

Depending on the group, some look like they don't like me so much, but I still see there is something going on.

Of course, the room was set up with symbolic stuff all over again.
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So to the visit. I showed up with some toy cars I found, for him to look at and then I was going to take them back. They looked like something that was from a woman who has older kids I know, that she left behind.

So he played his hiding game, smiling, and when I showed him what was in the bag, he was excited and wanted to carry it himself and said, "This is heavy!" For once, it seemed like someone was actually talking to him, and I really don't think this is my aunt's fault maybe, I don't know. Someone decided to start speaking to him in complete sentences and encouraging his language skills and there was a marked difference. His language skills went up about 100% in a week. I also think if there was something holding him back that was military or some kind of weapon or something, that wasn't a factor maybe this week. I don't know. He's still not getting sleep, and he looked thin. I don't know about whether something might be harming him or not because I did notice too, that his thumb had been sucked a lot. But someone, either at daycare or home, was working with him on his language. And he has it all there, he just needs attention spent on him and to be talked to and listened to.

I also noticed I think his Spanish might be coming along because when I speak to him in Spanish, he'll then turn to me and start talking more in English, and open up more., I think he's hearing more Spanish than English but would like to speak more English. I think he overhears a lot of Spanish at least.

I read something in Spanish to him from an exersize book, and I didn't even understand what I was saying, I just pronounced the words and then my son looked up at me and started talking, and said, "Mama, Holly is sad." Then he said, "Pablo won't let me have a toy for my birthday," and I explained to him that it was probably because his birthday was still a ways off. I said, "Why is Holly sad?" and Oliver said, "Say nothing."

I just now realized that my son was repeating "Say Nothing" because my aunt is not only sad but afraid. I also realized, it might have been intended for him to say to me as well.

Someone needs to get over my son immediately. And stay there.

When I asked my son again, what do you mean? And he quit talking and moved away from me. He wouldn't talk anymore, at all.

I think someone is punishing or torturing my son or others, depending on what I say and that my son jmight have seen some things or overheard things and is told to keep his mouth shut, at age 3 1/2.

A group of people who really love and care about my son and his welfare, need to get over to his daycare and to that house, and stay near.

My son needs to be returned to me and I am FED UP with what is going on, with the monitors trying to keep things concealed and my son being abused and others getting away with it.

The only time my son moved away from me was when he said to me, like he was repeating what he'd been told, "Say nothing."

Sure. My son is a normal 3 year old, who is probably being terrorized for speaking to his mother about what is going on. He says my uncle doesn't want to go to church anymore and my aunt is sad, and "say nothing" and I see him constantly ocming in with marks on his body and other signs of abuse. Someone or some group is getting access to my son.

I believe my son needs bodyguards and surveillance, if not up close because someone won't allow it, from a distance. And I hope evidence is being collected.

I have a bunch of people rolling down their windows today and doing this little fake crying thing. Just a side note, but why in the world would this many people even bother unless this is exactly like "The Cove" where they'll even kill you (preferably, torture first in a manner that's difficult to prove) if they can't get you to self destruct.
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Aside from this one turning away moment, to play with cars, the visit with my son went very well.

We played with the cars and trucks for a long time. He loved them. He understood they were just to play with at the time. He noticed there were a couple of copies of cars that were alike. He played with all of them and there was one car with a guy in it that was half man and half monster or something. So I said, "Yes, it's a man, but it sort of looks like Cruella Devile, doesn't it?" and so I began singing "Cruella Devile" which he loved. He absolutely loved this. He sang along with it. Then I sang several other songs, from Disney movies, Zipiddy-doo-dah, and Bibbity-bobbity-boo, Supercalifragilisticexpealidoshous, and A Whole New World, and a bunch of others. He really liked Cruella Devile, and wanted me to act out this part I was acting out for him, where I sang, "...to see her is to take a sudden chill" and I shivered and then had him shiver. Then, at the part, the part he liked most was when I sang, "..and after time has worn away the shock, you come to realize, you've seen her kind of eyes, watching you from underneath a rock!" and I had my hands come down for time wearing away and then a hand to my brow for "shock", and then I put a book up to my face for hiding beneath a rock, and at the part where I sang about eyes watching from underneath a rock, I snapped the book away and stared at Oliver and then hissed like a snake and he just laughed and laughed. He said, "Do it AGAIN!" and so I did, over and over. If I didn't have a back of the hand to my brow for "shock" it was hands to my face, and then I would put my hands out in a question mark, before this part. So he kept wanting to sing this Cruella De Vil song over and over and over. At "this inhuman beast, she ought to be locked up and never released, the world was such a wholesome place until, cruella, cruella de vil!" I had one hand drawn in for a "lock" and then pushed out on "and never released". His favorite part was the shock and the snake under the rock part.

He was really into this song. He just loved it and loved my acting it out. I told him, "Cruella, you know, wanted to take the kids, the puppies, away from their mother and father, and make money off of them!" So Oliver was nodding eagerly, and I think at that point the monitor turned her little "Mentor!" bag around so the blank side was facing me.

Oh it was so fun. He really liked all of my singing today and sang a Bible Train song of his own, three times, really well, and it was so adorable. He made all the noises and didn't even pause for breath at all, using the intake of his breathing as much as the breathing out. It was like he was mimicking what you do with a harmonica, how you don't have to stop to take a breath. He just sang, whether he was inhaling or exhaling, he sang through without a pause, which was really interesting, and he made all of the noises. I gave him a harmonica and I think he'd practiced before as well, but he did it, and it was really cute.

The other song he liked and wanted to sing with me and he got very excited about it, was "Bibbity Bobbity Boo" and he was using his hands like he hand a wand or a conducting stick. He demonstrated a lot of new music technique actually. It was like someone was working with him on music too. He did a few drumming things which were fantastic and other moves too. I actually don't think this is new, he was just in the mood because we've been drumming a long time.

Then, he was laughing very hard at my rendition of "Cinderelly!" in a tiny squeaky mouse voice. I sang, "Cinderelly, cinderelly! build the fire, do the dishes!" in a shrill high little mouse voice and then I said, "Gus gus!" in the Gus gus voice and he laughed so hard. Just stared and cracked up laughing. I said it in a very authentic gus-gus voice. Deep and breathy.

Then, I sang the Sebastian song in the french accent, like the crab and Oliver stared at me in wonderment over that too. While we devotin' full time to floatin'...and he laughed at this.

It was sort of weird because often he acts like his ears hurt or he doesn't want to hear singing for some reason and he was very different, like his old self with the music, today. It was like his musical self was back, that enjoyed music with me.

He also gave me kisses several times and hugs and said many times, "Mama, I love you all the time."

The only thing that was weird was his sort of acting out and scratching at my eyes and I allowed him to do this but protected myself as I could. I have marks though. I don't know if someone told hiim to go after my eyes or what! And then at one point I just held him and then tipped him over and tickled him and then kissed him all over his neck like I was gobbling him up and he just laughed big belly laughs and wanted me to keep doing it. I haven't heard his belly laughs for awhile. He laughs, but I remember how we used to laugh together, when he was a baby and it was all the time, more laughter than not, and he's just been generally more depressed since our separation. But today he laughed hard.

He also nuzzled against my face while I read him a story, about babies in water, little ducks, and repeated the sentences back to me, in Spanish and when I once corrected him gently, he repeated the Spanish back perfectly.

Then, after I hugged him and tickled him, he wanted to sit in my lap and be wrapped in his blankie and said to me, "I want to take a nap now" and acted like he was going to sleep in my arms. If someone has recently allowed my son to fall asleep in their arms, that's really wonderful. Because he was ready to just stay with me, and wanted to take his shoes off and when he said this the monitor said no, and he just snuggled and put his head close to my breast and then at one point he took my finger and wanted to bite it, which is sort of ...I understand where it's coming from. It's a reminder of his baby days, when he would suck on my finger and then sometimes bite down gently. He or his subconscious still do a lot of things which are from when he was younger and we were together and I think it's just indicative of our bonding and that he remembers. So he goes back a little, to get back to that point, of when we were together, and so he bit down and I told him to be careful and at first I wouldn't let hiim have my finger but finally, I said, "Okay, but if you bite hard it will hurt mommy," so he bit and I allowed it and he just stared at me as he was biting down carefully. Sometimes, for me, I wouldn't let him do this to other kids or others, but I am okay with him acting out on me, because he is testing in some ways and in other ways, he is acting out his love for me and doesn't always remember how far to go. I think biting my finger, was parallel to a parent when they love their child so much they almost feel they could "eat them up" and you can't hug enough, I think this instinct is with kids or toddlers and he was trying to be as close as we were then or trying to get back somehow, to being with me as he remembered.

I don't get the feeling that this monitor who is new is doing us any favors, even with his bond with me. The other one rewrote everything and made visits sound awful and like I was a nut, and put words in my mouth, and this one, I haven't seen her notes, but I don't have the best feeling because she didn't even want my son to be in a bathroom stall with me and I think that says a lot. Even the last monitor was normal about that, and this monitor is acting worse, by outward appearances. So I have no idea how she is writing this up. I have to see her notes, and I also don't approve of some things. It's like a visit could be absolutely wonderful, and then I'll see the notes and think "What the HELL?" and they're totally skewed and even written maliciously to make me sound nuts or like something is wrong. So I don't know. This is why I need independent means of documenting exactly what is going on in these visits.

I also read a Berenstain Bears book about Santa, to him and when we got to the list and the part about the reindeer delivery, I sang "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" and this is when he started tapping out a drum beat.

He had on a new shirt which he pointed out.

I need to detail the visit last too, because there was as much good in that one too. One thing I noticed was that he said he didn't like spending time with his grandpa, but I think he didn't know what grandpa I was talking about. I think he thought I was talking about "granny" and "grandpa" and not my dad, who he has seen only a few times and wouldn't associate with the word "grandpa". Because when I asked him if he'd enjoyed his time with "grandpa" he said "NO." I know when my own father has had time to spend with Oliver, he spends the whole time playing with him and that's what he did his entire birthday when he was still with me. I do know, not all the grandkids have liked my grandfather, and I remember a major "spanking" I once got when I was little, because I somehow insulted his son, who was about 10 years older or more than me. But I don't know. I said something about Grandpa Bob but maybe he doesn't know who that is really. But I think, the way he was so adamant about not wanting to be with my grandpa makes me wonder. My grandfather said something to me, at my last phone call, about how my son told him "Granny punched me in the face." And he was telling me if something was happening to him, Oliver would speak up. But I said, no, I see this stuff and it's happening and he's afraid to say anything some of the time, and once he did tell me some guy cut him at a party but everyone said it was just a scratch. If Granny punched him, I believe it, because she has alzheimers and I was being accused of assaulting HER when I would never harm a hair on her...she gets into these moods and shouldn't be left alone with my sno or any child. I do find it difficult though, to imagine she'd actually swing at him, but I know what she did with me. I know for sure she wouldn't CUT or burn my son.
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Gosh, tons of people, tons of tinted glass everywhere today. Tons, tons, of tinted glass vehicles driving by today and tonight and there is not this much tinted glass in the town. Where are my sunglasses.
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I went to the unemployment offices today to find out what was going on and for the first time ever, they said there was something in my file but all of this is taking so long and so late, and now Washington is blaming D.C. for everything and that's not the case. It was people on both ends. So finally there is a statement or something and then I have to put in my paperwork to document all the efforts I've made and then I should start getting paid. I almost signed myself up for other monies but I resisted because I figured, if it's not true, and damages my reputation, I shouldn't do it. So I've been flat broke in the meantime. And I have been looking for work too. I will try again tomorrow and this week, but it's been very hard. I finally got ahold of a few friends in the area who I want to meet up because at least they'll be able to buffer and help establish I'm still the same person I always was, just wiser and dumber.