I wanted to write and say the last few posts haven't been entirely my honest opinion. I wrote the posts to see what kind of response came from it and what I would find when I went out walking. I DO agree with a few things I wrote, but not all of it and I don't condone violence but do hope for justice. As for the Cherokee songs, I love the song and thought of my grandfather today and the cards he used to send me of Native American women so I was thinking of grandpa when I put them down. I regret putting them down in some ways because, well, longer story. I do agree it's not helpful for the U.S. to make light of anyone trying to get through about something. Even some of my comments and responses have been to parly ascertain what might be going on. Sometimes provocation will bring things out from people which you wouldn't otherwise find.
I feel sorry for Mackenzie's family and friends. I do know there is a larger systemic problem here and I wasn't joking about non lethal weapons, but I am horrified by what she might have gone through and my feeling is that she may have been punished for going forward about something. That said, I have absolutely no idea if she's the same girl from the Starbucks. I also think there is something to do with Reid, her Dad, maybe, because someone brought it up to me.
There were a lot of people out there today and it made me sad and shocked again. It is like a free-for-all circus. A lot of people from out of town and a lot of lawyers. I felt badly for Mackenzie because some people were mocking what happened to her, a truck and SUV here and there of good looking men who were leaning out, saying, "Heeey" and doing it back and forth to make a point. It was troubling. They were laughing and with big grins.
Many men flirting with me in a sense, but it didn't feel right. It wasn't respectful. It wasn't appropriate. I am not up for sale, for grabs, for winks and nods, or even dating. I haven't gone out with anyone for over 7 months and I don't plan to for a long time either. I have things on my mind which are more important than dating. Putting up a couple photos isn't to draw a crowd, they are for one person in particular and that is it and someday I will know who that person is. As for the rest of the pack--not interested. I guess I don't mind joking about things but that would be it. I feel very turned off by the idea of someone even seriously flirting with me, if it's not just banter or friendly joking around. My son is my focus, and even should my rights be initially terminated, I have no room in my life for a man. Not right now. Not having my son isn't going to make me more available either, it will be the exact reverse. I don't want to have anything to do with any man who doesn't want my son with me and with him. Period. And if there is never any man, that is fine with me. I'm not desperate and I'm not on any medications which might alter my regular habits or inclinations.
So in the context of all that is going on, it felt very strange.
I did not like the mix of flirting, combined with comments about Mackenzie, combined with shouts of "Biiiitttch!!!" from several women, combined with ...I don't know.
I want people, including myself, to be healthy. Just give me back my son and stop lying and I want the corruption and violence to stop, and that's about it. I guess I'm not a really big fan of any kind of extreme as extreme as I can sound, myself. Usually, it's just a mood which might pass but I'm not gung-ho about anything except really, equality and justice in a fair manner and yeah, hopefully doing some good things.
People were definitely trying to conceal more today. In some ways, no, it was like Spring Break out here, but in other ways, some were trying to conceal what they really felt. Much more of that.
The place was crawling with lawyers. I don't know what they were doing here. How did I know? I don't know. It was one of those weird intuitive things where I just knew.
One of the men who drove by, and I got a weird vibe, like sort of felt objectified in a way but also maybe mocked, had license plate 409 REF (washington). I don't know who he is but I don't think he's from here and I just had a weird vibe, but again I just so happened to catch his plate numbers. There were a LOT of people whose numbers I didn't bother to write down and some in reserve too. I asked for information about this guy, just decided to try to see if I got anything, from psi or whatever and Benjamin came to mind, that he knows someone by this name. Something about stocks or financial analyst also comes to mind, right now, but nothing came when I was walking and waiting.
There was a woman who passed me, who might be a good side or a bad side, but whether she does good things or not, I didn't get the feeling she was on my side in any way. I don't know. I felt she was FBI. She was trying to partially hide her face with a cell and wore glasses and wanted to be as non-descript as possible. Dark hair, sedan, and I think 582 WLG. Maybe something else but that's what I thought, and possibly zealous and religious but I have no idea which religion. A few other numbers were 622 RDA, 233 XYA, 519 SFX, 292 YML, 847 WII (tinted glass), 004 ZOF, YBA 701 (oregon), and then there was supposed to be some message in this but I don't know what it is, but they left after I'd passed and seen. But I'm not sure. It was a Wenatchee officer who didn't seem to like me at all but after I was writing numbers down he seemed to nod like he approved of me or something. I don't know. I got a really mixed signal from him. car with plates 32259D. He pulled over a guy whose muffler had fallen off, to the ground, and the plates for him were 078 WCL. White car, older BMW. The guy had a sweatshirt inside and I noticed.
It made me think about something else, but I can't even go there right now.
I just felt sad about some things. Decent energy I guess, I have no idea why, but I still felt sad and bothered about a few things. I was really sad and heavy hearted earlier today and then I felt better, around the time I was listening to music and I still feel fine but I have a lot on my mind. At one point, I saw this guy get out of his car and he wanted me to notice as he was holding a blue and white icebox and wearing a black sweatshirt with a panther on it.
At any rate, I really do feel sincere about much of what I wrote, about how one form of violence is accepted but not another and how things are really mixed up. I truly am sincere about that.
But I did feel bad that anyone would make any part of what is going on in this town a game or make light of it. It's very serious and I don't think it's funny. I guess I think good points have been made, but I feel it's just not a joke. It's something everyone should be concerned about. I really need to know, though, if this is the girl who was following me because I think so.
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