Sleepless

I couldn't sleep at all. I feel rested but like I was never asleep all night. Just thinking, not dreaming.

The song by Madonna "The Power To Say Goodbye" was running through my head. My son was running through my head. The things people have done to me were running through my head. The things people have given me, without my consent, to medicate me, was running through my head. The military men and women I met were running through my head. The things people have said to me, running through my head. I kept thinking how extreme my posts have been about what I prayed and how over-the-top my post with the religious slant. I regretted it, and then thought, no, it's fine. It's strong evidence for the impact left on me, from the intentional harm done to me and my son. It's evidence of distress from not having my son. I thought about the use of non-lethal weapons in this town and on the East Coast and what that means, and if it was mainly me or they do it to others whenever they feel like it. I thought about my son. I thought about getting the webcam streaming going. About how my lawyer has not filed even one motion and is still stalling now, and has nothing to show me before the next hearing. About how no one was interested in my getting "services" and I did all the work myself and still had people trying to block me. About how I have been told, after being experimented on and given things without my consent, I have been told they can force me to go on medication. How people have tried to say I'm losing it, or have mental illness, when I have been harassed, abused, pressured, intimidated, threatened, and subjected to the separation of my son and other things thrown up in my face. I thought about the Freedom Of Information Act and how I need to get this from probably the FBI, state, local, and also Department of Defense and CIA. I thought about how I have watched my son's health go down the drain, and his memory, and how people have blocked his access to reasonable healthcare, to have a dentist outside of the area look at his dental problem and give him an MRI. I thought about the gang or mafia people in this whole area and how they are exactly like a narco-state, but how they use non-lethal weapons more often to try to get away with things. I thought about how the guy at the ROTC center was doing the same thing and how I keep ending up with doctors or nurses who are military or somehow connected to West Virginia or Virginia. I thought about people who tried to poison me or hurt me in other ways and about how others have tried to keep me from getting proof of what happened, and who went out of their way to lie and try to have me admitted at a psych ward, to discredit me, even going so far as to keep evidence out of the record. The last thing I thought about was the two tinted glass vehicles at the computer store, with men inside, watching me, on Valentine's Day last year.

Then I got up, after sleeping on the hard floor, and decided to get the webcam streaming no matter what, and the unemployment issue resolved because no one is doing one single thing about it. And about how I have to make my own motions but how to do it when I don't have the resources and this was the point of having a lawyer and access to resources in the first place.

I think about how much information is there, about why this has been happening to me and my son and who is involved. Yet I've had to try to piece things together myself because not ONE person has come forward to me, for me and my son, to set us free. This is one sitution where the little CIA theme on the lovely walls there would come in handy: "The truth will set you free".

All I see, is a bunch of people who claim to know God and love God, who are religious, with a bunch of people who could care less about God, standing in this huge group, and there's Jack Nicholson, in all of them, yelling at me, "The truth???!!! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

Try me.