Valium, One

I needed a Valium. I really do not feel I need anything more than a very occassional Valium. I went in and asked for a prescription for anxiety but I'm torn. Just because I get it doesn't mean I will take it. Of course, my intention is to take it, of course. I definitely have anxiety.

I had all these people ask why I went to this one hospital and it was just closest. It wasn't for any other reason. But I can't do anything without worrying or wondering who it's affecting. If I go to one clinic, some are upset. I go to the other one, others are upset. I have no clue what impact it makes at all.

They gave me 3 starter pills on the anxiety stuff. I chose one which doesn't affect memory or energy but I just really feel like I am fine and that it's the circumstances which are not my fault. I don't believe I have anything wrong.

I was more nervous recently and needed a manicure and couldn't have one, so I went after my cuticles with tweezers and clippers but it wasn't self mutilation at all. It was just sort of doing something while I was anxious trying to figure out what to do.

This is really not a wonderful time in my life, to have problems with getting my son and what's happened here, and then I had just a whole round of strange responses when I tried to get help elsewhere.

I seriously believe I may still try to get political asylum if I cannot manage to find the right people to really help me here. I have even more grounds for it now, than ever.

My son is the priority but I might need to find someone who is international and yet is licensed to practice in the U.S. to help me. I'm not anti-american at all. Believe me. I just have to find the right people and I'm constantly being directed to people who just want to siderail or sidetrack me. So if I could live here and find an international lawyer who isn't afraid to help, if needed, if I will have to appeal to get my son or file civil or other suit, I really hope I can find a good one. I don't know how I will make money here either. I think I have a lot to offer, and I don't think I'm better than any other American, but I feel there is a lot of misapprehension about me and a lot of misunderstanding. I hope having a webcam thing, maybe, will show me for more who I really am because I really do think a lot gets lost in the translation when I write.

I think I come across much better, and more accurately, in person. Usually, in person I have no problems with people. It's just when they read what I write and if they misinterpret what I mean or my seriousness of tone or not, that I have problems.

There is a lot to do. I've had trouble, still, with computer issues which affect my health and the non-lethal thing. Literally, just the other night, I was standing near the window, and felt my neck acting sort of strange and yet it was milder and so I thought maybe something was done from a distance. Well, the next day I noticed very faint hypopigmentation on my NECK. I am not positive, but I wonder if it happened from the night before. Just slightly white little patches on the side of my neck that was feeling strange as I stood in front of the window.

So things are really precarious still. I went upstairs for a minute to grab something and there was a white spatula laid out on the step all by itself, by my door. Then, all these white cars.