Energy Is Good

I walked out and felt a deep sadness, like something I'd written had made someone very sad. Then I got to the store and they're playing "Goodbye Norma Jean" and then some other songs which were about not having luck.

I was harassed and I saw some who seemed very gleeful but I felt this steady undercurrent pulling through. Of peace and reassurance.

I had about 2-3 different people go on and on telling me "There's going to be rain" tonight and tomorrow.

Even though it's overcast, heavily overcast, and has been sprinkling, I don't feel that rain. I am starting to feel like myself again, finally, after a very long time and there is probably some explaining to do as to what has been going on prior to this.

Life is not about "luck" and "bets". I have not "lost" anything and although there have been games, I keep and cherish in my heart what I know: that I am a strong, resilient, and resourceful woman who has a lot of faith and hope and love and sometimes, a terrible verbal temper.

Life is about making choices, good and bad, and making mistakes and learning from them. And there is nothing now that's done, that cannot be undone, nor is there anything which is impossible, because all things are possible with God.

I ordered a pizza tonight and then changed my mind. I cancelled that order and went to the store and bought pizza from the freezer.

I am learning from my mistakes.

When I was pregnant with my son, I craved Godfathers's Hawaiian pizza all the time. I am still having those cravings. I started having a bit of a period but had an extra test and am still pregnant and this has happened before and not something to be worried about, I don't think.

I feel what has been happening with my life, and with my son, has not been authentic process but a series of unfortunate events which very corrupt people have used to abuse me and my son. There have been very good hearted others who have tried to play the way they play to help us. I don't know if that's wrong anymore, because what I have seen is so pervasively immoral. I think that sometimes, if the regular people are not moral or protecting the interests of those who seek protection, there IS merit, in the eyes of God, to find ways for restitution and cover.

But there is something very very wrong right now, with some of the people who are in charge in this country, and I don't mean Obama. Why, for example, am I still having to deal with the "overheating" thing now? There isn't anyone in the U.S. who knows how to take care of this?

What is really incredible, that just came to me, is that I have lost nearly everything and yet I still have my soul. I have sold out or lost my soul. I've tried to be kind and not manipulative and have even given others a boost whenever I can, to my own detriment, and I feel good about that. I have, still, great hope.