Music and Dreams This Morning

I had dreams and woke up this morning sad about my son. I saw my son upset when he was told he wasn't going to see me today. Acting out then or later. I also woke up hating the U.S. and this town, after they've done what they've done to me and my son. I decided to look for a lawyer who knows something about international law or who could sue for the U.S.-Canada stuff.

I had one song that came to mind when I wasn't sure why, and it was an old one, "When I See You Smile", from the 80s, and it came to mind at about 10 minutes to 9 a.m.

I also had the thought about how low people have tried to bring me and the horrible things they've done and how ludicrous certain things seem to be--something I got about what was for my future, but I figured, well, I guess only God knows how that will work out. Nothing is impossible with God and if something is determined despite all the jealousies and hostilities and how bad I look, then I still believe it is something that can be determined and will come to pass and one way or the other, I don't have to worry abuot it right now.

I was brought to tears, but what is amazing is that I only cried for 4-6 minutes and that was it. Then I shrugged it off and it was off and what is amazing is that these disgusting and most low things have been done and yet I can still feel peace and contentment inside. I would wonder what was wrong with me if I didn't or hadn't cried, but what is shocking is that I was able to firm up and know that it is back to the Ivana saying, "Don't get mad, get even." nothing is accomplished by worrying. I can have peace that transcends understanding even in the middle of the worst things done to me and even to my son and it's not because I am numb or because I don't care, but because letting something get to me won't solve anything and it also is only what my enemies would want--for me to "feel" pain, unhappiness, or misery. If they can't get to you, as in getting under your skin, they can laugh all the want but they are not able to win. The only reason they even laugh is because in their imagination, you are suffering. It is not so much the circumstances or the appearance as much as the desired imagined goal of having acheived the suffering of someone else. And while appearances may be something to laugh at, they're only appearances. You don't judge a book by the cover, even after it's been used, thrown around, and trashed. If it's still a good story and a good book, and worth the print, it's still worth something.

The censored and banned books are only dangerous for what is on the inside and what others fear about the contents inside.

If you don't care and it doesn't affect you, then they haven't been able to tear even one page out. You are still intact and whole. You may have suffered something but no one was able to take what was inside. And that's the most important thing, because book covers are a dime a dozen. And any book that has lost its cover can always be rebound and renewed.

I think it's like bankruptcy stuff too. People who file look bad for awhile and it looks like they've lost a lot but if they are smart and have what it takes, they are able to get it all back. Donald Trump (since I'm on a trump theme).