other today stuff

i've had a few laughs lately, at least. this big guy walking by one day with this tiny little yippie dog, and then this guy is wearing some kind of shoes that have toes. i've seen socks like that but not shoes. then this older man with glasses peering hard at me yesterday. he reminded me of hawking but he was staring harder.

then i found a penny on the floor last night and it was 1991 and then today, the first time i looked at the date on a penny, even though my money or change has been falling all over the place, was just now and it was sort of burnt and it was 1991. i don't know where it came from though, bc i don't remember it and it just fell out and was the only one i looked at. i then glanced at the other date on a penny on a table already and it was 1975. means nothing of course, but sort of interesting. with the 1991 i thought of birthdays and it would be someone 19 i guess. i don't know anyone born in 1975 but maybe some other dates. i was personally 1 yr. old then.

then, last night i prayed briefly while outside and then "harry" in particular came to mind and i walked back into the house and i hear, "Harry" and harry this and harry that and it was a "Dirty Harry" movie. i thought to myself "was i anticipating dirty harry or was i really just thinking i should pray for the other harry?" i prayed for other people too and not long, but that was interesting. mainly i prayed for my son. i said to the housemate, "When did this come on?" and he said "about 10 minutes ago" when that was about when i prayed for the "other dirty harry" i guess. i prayed for people in my past and present but mainly just my son. i almost started to go into this weird funnel tunnel thing with harry. when i prayed for him and i had to snap my eyes open because i was about to get something from, it seemed like, someone else's perspective and it sort of freaked me out. i said very short things to both will and harry last night, like a couple minutes, no more, and wondered if they ever picked up on it.

then i was just now praying for will wagler and i opened my eyes as a williams truck went by. i tried to guess something about will and got some name like "nina" and might have been crossed wire. but the name "nina". then maybe orange chrysanthamums or some kind of flower like that.

then, i just associated funny things together. a williams truck went by one way and then a "cat" machine the other way and i thought "william's cat" and then i cracked up laughing. then i thought about this cat poster in the american legion and thought, "am i being made fun of?" and it was a cat standing up with it's hands in front of itself which made me think of myself at church, how i stand. but this cat was gray. then i thought about how i said i once saw vladdie ladder petting a gray cat one day and this sort of cracked me up today, just this afternoon because i got some ads for harold and maude and it made me laugh. but first i wondered if he had at some point, some kind of cat.

but that was just a moment of absolute random freethought and just making me laugh.
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i am not so sure that i will attempting to bring business to this store/cafe anymore though. i cannot believe what just happened.

i am sitting here, with my own book that i brought in, and notebook, and laptop and that's it and i had someone asking me "is this going to be a 'regular thing'?"

i looked up wondering what in the world. this is a "christian cafe" and then she started interrogating me. I said, "I'm not sure i know what you mean. I have been here a total of 4 times." at the most, since i told someone else i would try to bring business to other places, i have been here 6 times, but that might be too much.

I asked what was wrong, and she said, "Well you are using our wi-fi and we have to pay for that." I said, "Every single time I have been here, I've bought something...coffee, and I've also bought fudge, and you may not know how wi-fi works, but you play a flat fee and my use of it doesn't cost you more or eat it up more."

I seriously cannot believe it. I wanted to know who in the world would even try to cause a problem at all. She went on, being demeaning and I said, looking at her name tag, "Carol, if you don't want me to come here I won't. I feel you're being fairly discouraging for wearing a name tag that says "encouraging words". (encouraging words is the name, literally, of this "christian" bookstore that sells christian materials and plays christian music all day).

She said, "Well, what are you working on?" and I said, "I feel that isn't any of your business or anyone else's business either. I have my book and my notebook and my laptop and whatever I do on my time isn't anyone's business."

Then I said, "Is this because of _________, who comes in all the time? I mean, who would even say anything at all?" She said, "He buys coffee and for other people too." I said, "I don't know if anyone told you this, but I buy coffee everytime I am here and not only that, I thought I would sit outside to help bring notice to your business and since I have been coming here, you HAVE had more business, so that is another way of bringing people in."

I said if I am not welcome I can go elsewhere and she said no that was okay. So what was that about anyway?

She said, "No, it wasn't him....really, it's not." I like it when "christians" lie. I think it may have been this other worker here if it wasn't him, bc she was gossiping about me to her friend who was very hush when I came in. And she acted put out by giving me a cup of water. So maybe it was mainly her issue, but I seriously cannot believe it.

This is the second time this has happened today, with my sitting outside with the idea of helping to advertise for them and bring in more business, and then someone not even thinking about how "good" this is for their business and trying to push me out. People don't quit going where I am, they start showing up MORE and this has not changed. When I first went to Cafe Mela, no one went there. It had been in business for awhile too. So I started sitting by the windows, because as least one person I know in town had a brain, "Olga" from Argentina, who WANTED me to come in and sit by the window because it says "busy" and therefore people think "maybe it's good" and it helps people to notice you're there and think about what they might like to eat or drink as well. I did this when she was in business with her deli and it always worked. It is a subconscious form to get people thinking about what they might want too.

Sort of like having a boyfriend or girlfriend and then all of a sudden, the person someone never wanted before, starts to think your boyfriend or girlfriend look pretty good, because well, if YOU'RE a customer, sucks that they can't get some.

Do I need to teach a fucking business class in Wenatchee?

I seriously cannot believe what I have to deal with.

I think this other woman is actually proud of herself. I saw the other manager talking to her so she may have had something to do with it...Her name is Kristin. The other guy who had a problem with me made all these faces that some guys were making at the other church, and he repeated the exact same thing until I started talking about how it was sad how you can't tell who the christians are anymore.

Things that some look down on, superficial things like having a drink or swearing, is so often the big "no" and then other things where people are just doing weird collaborative forms of harassment or mind games--I feel that THIS is the true heart of what you're about or how you feel about your faith. I don't think God cares so much about swearing and drinking (though I should probably use more moderation in my carefree swearing lately), as He does about things like charity or ones own relationship and sincerity, and trying to have some principles and be generally fair with others. Probably, ganging up against someone and pushing them out of housing and work and being hateful all the time or jealous or illegally taking someone's kid...that's probably worse than external superficial things like smoking, drinking and swearing.

UPDATE:
i should add, i don't think it's possible he knows any ninas unless he knew my friend angelina from grade school...not sure. but it came to mind when i was thinking about his having a baby and was wondering what they were going to name their baby.

...the thing with harry, when i said a couple of words, it wasn't like i was about to get an image, but as if it was turning. for example, seeing him and brother in bed, felt like from another person's viewpoint or perspective, like a close friend or relation. when i started trying to send a message, trying out the "sending" thing, i said a few positive things and then it was almost like it started to come from someone else, but it was me, but i started "getting" it from a soft internal voice that wasn't split from me at all,, not like another person, but almost like maybe what channeling is, however, i didn't ask to channel and i wasn't channeling but it was like getting an image of things maybe his mother would say to him but just barely and i was just touching on it so quit. snapped my eyes open and ended it. then it didn't happen with will w., but i was probably weirded out with what happened with h, so didn't allow it.

however, it wasn't another spirit...it was kind of like remote viewing but from the past maybe. and that same night i read a really good passage from ezekiel about false prophets and divination, i believe ch. 13 if i remember correctly off the top of my head. so i really took that in and i do make sure i am okay with god first. it was like my vision in the interior mind, or minds eye, suddenly went to...I can't describe it. i was fully cognizant and not drinking or anything and not nuts either. also, it wasn't weird in the sense of, for example, this british accent didn't just come to mind out of nowhere. maybe it was more of an angel type of thing, or agreement with hs maybe, of what is being said and an affirmative echo of a kind. i didn't get this "other" voice like from another person, but it was suddenly, a very gentle voice that i didn't think was really from me or it seemed strange, maybe bc i'm not very gentle. haha.