poem (lousy attempt) stars of jerusalem

i am sitting at a bar
across from an american flag
no one in the way
never thought about it before
that i am writing about
nazi america
in front of an american flag
all those stars and with all these
invisible swastikas
and i have jews writing to my blog
complaining that they've been to
concentration camps
and i minimize their suffering
because now they are in america
sitting on a fluffy couch eating rice a roni
and watching jerry seinfeld
trying to minimize the absolute degradation
of my character that their relatives
have engaged in
allowing me and my son to be
victims of cowards with weapons
but telling me to say i dare not compare
our torture to theirs
i guess, because theirs was "mass"
and god never cares about a mother and a child
you hung up a star over my son's head
and paid someone off
to destroy his own mother
you absolute pieces of SHIT
who tell me that you are the providential
donkeys who carried the christ
and i am the dung
you carried the christ right to his grave
just as you have done my son
and then you cry out
"bigotry" and for protection against
prejudice
when you wanted others to think of me as
a whore
"if you're not a star one day i will be surprised!"
from a nice man when i was 9
turns into pharisees shredding and selling my clothes
to others for a few silver dollars
and telling me to shut up.
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
you came very close to killing me and decided
maybe God wouldn't like that
you dated me
but you wouldn't defend me
you called me a slut
and tried to expose me as nothing but a
homeless woman with nothing except a few good eggs
that you might like for breeding yourselves
a nice jewish-catholic poet
you put your stars and crosses over my bed
and then tried to align the cresent moon as well
didn't you?
tell this to GOD
tell me
didn't you?
did you defend me esther?
did you defend me daniel from israel?
or did you allow others to fucking sell me out
to a whole other group of religious with piety problems of
their own
hoping at least to get just one good
crown on your side
and if i will ever be a star
you will give me a little sticky star in appreciation
for my academics
you will give it to me and tell me to stick it in
my little smelly sticker journal
as you allow everyone to
steal every single
thing that i ever
had
and still you preach job
to your congregations of women with breast cancer
but feel satisfied to laugh at me
how dare you
allow this to happen to a baby
you should have strangled him along with the terrorist
because he will not love you
not after what you've done, out of selfish avarice
and social stair climbing of your own
it's not good enough to be stars
you have to allow others to dangle me and my son
along
through the mud
and then if anything good should happen
you might decide to get close again
you deserted me
you deserted my son
and only you might fully understand how God
really feels about that
because you will feel it
turn your glasses of beer over
i would tell you to set your glasses down
and do not fucking tell God how much
you love him and little children
and how you obey the commandments
when you allow others to fire holes into the hearts
of a mother and one little boy
out of the chance that your other best odds
might come out ahead
you put your fucking tongue in my mouth
but you couldn't even find one friend to come to
my defense
YOU
who are jewish
don't YOU ever try to call me one of
"our own"
************************************************************

Honeypot

Downfall
I am the Christopher Hitchens
this one the deer in the headlights
Who I start laughing over
every time I think about it
anything
no matter how small
the hilarity
in the tragedy
of being tortured by the comrades
A fine soldier one day
whose side I'm not sure
One minute I might be laughing
and the next
digging my own grave
the heart is not wise
the head is stronger
the gut though, somewhere inbetween
hard to tell
just that it's funny to me
to see how I am anticipated
step step step step step step step
yes I feel those eyes
step step step step step step step
mmm hmmm
step step turn
Hahahahahaaaa and he moves himself
in a quick roundabout to disguise
the fact that he was staring
and found i knew
and caught it and is secretly happy about it
and I march on
whippersnapper
I am an old woman
with a child
***************************
the sign
next to the American flag
says:
PLEASE
no singing
no dancing
no swearing
**********************
And then
some woman wearing not a swastika or a star
but a smiley face
buys me a drink
and she looks jewish but her name is mary
and she holds my hand for 5 minutes
while i cry
over my son
"do you want to go with us?" she says
"i don't feel like dancing"
i said
i would rather write
and cry by myself
in a corner booth
with a sign that says
"tango palace" on the wall to the side.
*****************************************
"here, take my hand" she said
with 2 black rubberbands around her wrist
i stared
she said, "they're not dirty"
we're both dirty
neither one of us washed our hands in the
bathroom
the other woman with the glossy dark hair did
i thought about it
didn't care to
on principle
of doing nothing right tonight
so i laid my little paw into hers
for a second as she told me her name was
mary
and then they leave
and i spend the $5 she gave me on the bartender and
one more tequila
because i said to the last bartender
"next time, i'll have tequila--
i can never be against mexico because my
son is half-mexican"
and i go outside to see if it wouldn't rain
because i went to have a drink
but i was late
and it's pouring
and then someone is driving by and another
shocked looked which i am so tired of
i even say out loud, "i hope they get a flat tire"
then i am in the bathroom
once again
next to a woman who has short curly red hair
and is pretty and with a large group of young women
and she says the stalls are full
"i like your scarf"
"thank you" she said, "it's from syria"
i met jerusalem and syria
in the same night
in the same bar
and i'm pissed as fuck
at everyone
this scarf had every color and a little bit of a metallic fringe
really beautiful
and tied right
she knew how to tie a scarf
in wenatchee
and this other woman might be slightly psychic
because i know whenever this tall woman is
staring at me
i turn to stare
i caught her first
looking at me indirectly through the mirror from the bar
oh how we can tell
we thee mysterious with three eyes
two in front one in the back
another woman barged through the door
and said, "oh! am i interrupting the party?"
"no," i said "i'm the party starter."
i said it flat and she backed up to the door.
"yeah, i don't blame you if you want to leave"
i said red-eyed
i waited my turn for the stall and noticed
in my sort-of-stupor that some of these "she's" are
wearing that bright flamingo harry and william pink polish
what is that supposed to mean?
got into the stall and suddenly it is me and the parteee lady
at the sink
maybe i should have waited until she was done
for some reason, i just stood there with her
and took turns wetting my hands and then with soap
i think if i were sober i would have been behind
now that i think about it
thinking astutely and clearly with another drink of course
but no, i went to the basin with her
like a sister she never had
and traded turns with the water running
and then the soap and smelled it for good measure
rinsing as she waited for me and even held open
the door
i said, "the party starter always needs a party pooper--
a beginning and an end."
and she laughed
and then strangely, left shortly thereafter saying to the
others, "it was nice to meet you"
i have no idea who she was.
the alpha and omega to
my bathroom experience number 2.
(umm, but not real number 2. just...you know....
you know what i mean)
there was no number 2 in that room, for the record.
*********************
THEEEEE end
(maybe)
***************
i was really nice to the bartender tonight
i treated him as if he were my own son
he said, in wenatchee, the second time,
"what would you like?"
something like that
and i said,
"the same"
even though he's seen me once
and he had a little spark
and got my drink and i said to him,
"i like to respect the intelligence of the bartender"
and he smiled
small things count
who says i don't fudking treat nice normal people
the way i would want to be treated?
of course i do unto other as they would have
done unto...
but um yeah, no one is getting "done" by me
in this bar tonight
i say chastity until son is with me
that is what i fUUUckin mean blokes
so smoke yer chimney smokes
til' then
my fjuckin' fiend
er...friend
*****************
(mm? my fjuckin' norwegian or somethin' frreind?
or my drunkin fiend)
just kidding
FUCK YOU captain KANGAROO.
yeah. and that's exactly what i am TALKING about.
that's right.
(just kidding)
***********************
you fluffy fuck
all you rreally want
with all that
and all this
and something else
is someone to mess your hair up