Vibe Better But...

After sousing a little, I felt better. However, I know some bad things are happening because I saw too many grown men truly crying today. Not faking.

I haven't seen that many hispanic men especially, in a long time, crying.

I felt the vibe was better but I also wonder if someone slipped me something, or if it really is better for someone.

I need to know how my son is doing.

The main breakthroughs I had today, for myself, were pretty big.

I was able to see a turquoise shirt and note how good the color looked on me and just wear it. I avoided turquoise like the plague. I felt there is so much going on and every choice I make affects someone.

I can't just pick out clothes anymore, that I like. There is a bet riding on everything.

But out of all the clothes, I just sat down in the dressing room for a minute and prayed for a short minute and I said, "God, I am not turning into Granny praying about every single small thing I shouldn't worry about. But help me to choose what you would want me to wear."

And it was the turquoise one. It was basically to be sensible and wear what was most flattering in color, on me, out of the options I had there. I picked some other things out too, but will have to get them tomorrow.

But what I decided was that all of the people in this town are not worth my time. It isn't worth my time, out of all these people who harass me, to worry about whether I should wear a color or not, and if it will be the "reverse" of what I choose bc this is a switcharoo day, or what group.

I tried to just go back to the basics, which are, to pick out things you like and which look good on you.

So for any meaning someone put into any of it, it only means something for you, not to me. I found a couple of blazers and things and a new pair of jeans which I needed.

I also put found a few sweaters for free. Decent. Not my favorite, but decent and I needed some warmer clothes for this weather.

But as soon as I came out wearing this other sweater (simply bc it was cold) some driving by were mad at me, as if I had just messed something up.

I did think it was cool though, that after I wore the solid turquoise shirt (which is, actually, I guess, one of my best colors), all these Native American prints came out and the poor hispanics seemed happy, which made me happy. I thought, "Oh, that's cool...if my wearing turquoise celebrates Native American culture and somehow lifts up some of the poorer people in the town, who need to be lifted up, then I did a good thing."

I really got the sense again, today, that someone or some think I know what I'm doing or how I might be affecting others and that isn't true. I just try to do what I would naturally do and attempt to ignore harassment.

It's concerning to me when I know the torture I and my son have been through, to see others upset because I wonder if sometimes we are not the only ones who experience this torture.

Until this is completely put to an end, it is a Nazi state.

And I need to finish my post about use of children in Child Protective Services, for mind control and psychic research and how use of gangs helps faciliate and disguise this.

I believe Child Protective Services, as some other Sentors also did/do, should come to an end. It has created more harm than good. That doesn't mean there is no protection for anyone, it just means it should be handled and set up differently. I might think of ideas in how to restructure and dismantle this Act and program altogether.

I also feel that Social Services for children should listen to the Children's minister in Scotland who had the best idea, too radical for people to accept today, that I've ever heard. The Children's Minister is not a religious person, it's the title for a person in charge of Children's Services. It was the first time I thought about other countries and what their politics and programs were and when I heard about her idea, I was instantly a fan.

She is the one who said it was in the best interests of children who were on welfare, to be supported to stay home with them for the first 3 years of their life.

Of course this is counter-intuitive to most, who think why should taxpayers pay for this? but there is more to it than one thinks about at first glance.

At first, it sounds extravagant, and as if it encourages mothers not to work and stay at home and then everyone else's tax monies go to this. However, many mothers today WANT to work and they would rather not stay home all day.

There are different ways to work it, but the whole idea is that taxpayers SAVE a lot of money in the longrun, because these children show, statistically, with hard evidence, that the outcomes of their lives is completely different. The taxpayer SAVEs because these kids don't develop problems in the same way, and go to Juvie, and then onto other crimes.