I had a choice of 2 churches and went to one I told my parents I'd try again, because they had asked.
So I did and I've been to the other one a lot. It's much closer and more convenient and I walked there. There is still not a lot of snow so I thanked God for this as I walked, even though the wind is bitterly cold. I got a ride home from church but my one thought was of a little guilt, as if I should walk just to be thankful to God that it didn't dump 5-8 inches of snow overnight.
I got back home and heard football playing on t.v. and went in as it's a good familiar sound on Sundays--that sound of games being played. I sat down and almost fell asleep thinking, "this is just like old times--nap after church." Big breakfast, church, get undressed from church clothes to casual clothes, play or nap and then play.
I thought about what was being won if I sat there or didn't. I thought about all these different things and nothing moved me until I thought about my son. So I jumped up and decided on a dozen different things to check on and to blog too. But I thought about things to accomplish and line up.
Nothing moved me. Not any kind of politics, no game, no man in mind--or romantic ideas. Nothing except my son and so what to line up for the next day.
I went to Starbucks and just as I put on Petra's "Beat The System" (rise up, wise up/rise up, wise up) concurrently "Get Up, Stand Up (stand up for your rights)" came on in the store.
I had a few ideas tossed my way recently and have to look into these things next week. I have a few volunteer ideas as well.
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Today while in church I had an impression but there was also something else going on. It wasn't extremely noticeable but it was some kind of technology thing. I wasn't sure where from bc there were only a few people there and it wasn't reeally obvious. But then I wondered too bc I had an image or two and I wasn't sure if this was part of my natural ability or something that someone was attempting to project to me.
I saw a silver chain. It was a very sturdy and heavy chain with round or oval links. Very sturdy, like for mechanical, emergency, or construction work and then I saw the fastener or clamp (or clip? it was also metal) as someone was opening some kind of larger? hook or attachment to something else. It was like something someone would use for rock climbing possibly, rescue work to bring someone up, or possibly something for tiening something down maybe in a mechanical or construction field. I felt it was more for either rock climbing or aerial lift of some kind. But it was Sunday and I don't know who would be doing that on a Sunday. It was at about 11 or 11:30 a.m.
Yesterday was a day that I knew some people were ...well, anyway. It is the first time in a long time that I picked up on it but I didn't know where from. Thought maybe different people but didn't know. And it came to me after I had set out this magazine I had randomly in my bag. I took it out for something clean to sit on and the title of it was "Conceive". I got it from a clinic. So then I was sort of upset that I was missing out on some things in my own life, like having a healthy relationship. On the other hand, I don't want this right now when I am in the middle of getting my son back and proving some things. Still, feels very unfair. As for having a child, I would happily do this for another family and wouldn't have any problem at all with it bc it's their child, not mine.
Last night for the first time in awhile, I had a couple of guys from the Wenatchee russian Baptist church come to mind. About 2 weeks ago or a week ago, got the older one in this red or maroon long sleeved shirt. But nothing with it at all. Then, last night, randomly, a couple of them came to mind and it was around 6:30 my time or later, like 7 p.m. I saw a veil again, after they came to mind. But it was different. It wasn't out of the blue like the one time. It was in the middle of a song and all I could see was tulle. Or a veil, lots of it. And then these women came out with sort of veil or tulle-like dresses on and did an interpretative dance. It wasn't what they had on though, even though it was close. It was longer and more of a real veil and lots of it. But it was sort of strange I got this and then noticed their dress again.
I just had the song "We Believe In God" by Amy Grant come to mind so listening to this now. 2:49 p.m.
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I have been wondering if someone is changing too. Like, if something is happening that I don't know about, with the heart or ideas of someone. Today someone talked about a movie where the "bad guy" turns into a good guy. I thought to myself, I wonder who they are bad for. Because some people are just, it seems, plain "bad" and then there are some who seem bad to one group but like a hero to others and how do you know. But I wondered if it was ever possible for someone who was bad to me and my son, or even just me, and very aggressive, to become good. If sometimes, when I fast I don't know or can't see what might be changing and think there is nothing that's any different at all (except with my own spirit or mindset).
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Then I thought this morning, what can I give God now?
What can I do to prepare the ground in other words, for what I want to acheive. I have fasted food. I fasted my blogging. What could I do now? and then, should I do something for a short time for a specific person? Like, should I fast for a day for Christopher Hitchens even if I feel it's in God's hands as it is? who said don't bother heaven with bootless prayers? I thought, "I have boots." So I thought about this for a little bit this morning, thinking maybe I would fast today just for him and then I broke down in my wait for church to start and ordered hashbrowns and then went back to thinking I am not sure what I should do right now anyway.
I thought, "Maybe I could just go in someplace and clean out their bathroom and it wouldn't be a sacrifice or fast but something unpleasant to do to bring God's attention to me." Then I thought, "Or maybe I should fast again even though I've lost weight." Or maybe I should not look for something to do on my own, and to choose, and be willing instead to accept what others give to me, and handle these things in a manner that is worthy of a right or meek and humble spirit. As it says in one part of the Bible where it says offerings and sacrifice I do not desire, but a meek and contrite spirit. Then I thought, "Maybe I am wrong to fast anything and should instead just indulge in all things and tell God, this is my acceptance of the fact that it is ultimately your grace and goodness and strength and has nothing to do with what I do or don't do right. I thought, maybe I should, in combination, just praise God and let that be the offering, of just saying you are all powerful and I am going to have faith. My faith and impossible trust and hope are everything. Then I thought about worship, how singers go before and sing and dance and praise God before taking on any battle, and then the soldiers are all behind them as they lead the way.
I think there is a time for all of the above. But I wondered what I am supposed to do now. I know of people to pray for and I've done some of this, or have been doing some of this, but I wondered about who to add to this.
I joked with someone in church that I know I'm supposed to be married but I was running into a lot of nuns and it freaked me out (joking) bc I didn't want anyone to think that this is my intended calling. But I was going to church so much maybe it looked this way to some. I don't think I'm any different than I ever was though--I just blog more now where I didn't do this in the past. And, of course, I go through ups and downs like anyone, and learning curves.
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Oh, and I really did meet Ronald McDonald.
I showed up early and Burger King was right next door so I bought hashbrowns there but I wanted to use a giftcard at McDonalds. I typically don't eat from fast food, but I figured it might be unexpected and I watched everything, so safe. Typically, I'm not doing this.
But I asked about McD's and where it was and this woman told me they had a Ron McDonald at their church. I said, "Are you serious?" and she said yes and then I met him. Truly. Ronald McDonald and he eats at McDonalds. He's handsome too! He's about 80 years old and he's a very good looking man. He looks so conservative but had this grin on his face (...heeeeeeeyyy...just like the other ronnie).
I then found this medly which I like:
Amy Grant "House Of Love" (a bunch of clips)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVa1jVM_qIQ&NR=1&feature=fvwp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wh9AC0jCGjY
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