UPDATED 8/29/13.
Reflecting on things that came to mind before comments to the book. The U.S. colluded to kill me and it wasn't some domestic violence scenario--it was premeditated while I was a toddler and the U.S. used agents against me to try to kill me, including my parents. The other thing I remembered was that the time my mother (who always loved Stephanie) and Stephanie were whispering, was after Stephanie ran her horse into the side of mine and tested my panic response to a car running away out of control on a road near a drop-off cliff. My Mom actually asked Stephanie, while she was there, how it went, and then when I was in my room getting something, Stephanie went into the living room and they began whispering for a while after joking about it.
This means Stephanie and my mother were working together. I didn't know why they'd been whispering about it when I was right there and it was no big deal, but I hadn't put it together yet, or figured out they had all been figuring out how to test my responses and plan for a time to kill me and have it look like I killed myself. I remembered the time in the mountains, I did take off my seatbelt and moved to the middle seat in the car and I was asked what I was doing. I said I didn't want to be on that side where the drop-off cliff was.
There were 4 occasions of testing my response, and 2 other occasions used to induce panic when a car went off the road to the right, and one was by my Dad, driving in the snow and he steered to the right into a ditch, when I was about 7 or 8 and the other was by Barbara Maiers when I was 14 or 15 and she drove to the right of the road in the snow, into a ditch. In addition to this, remembering what I'd said about not wanting to be near the drop-off cliff, on hiking trips with the Sandbergs I was being held next to a cliff by my arms with someone "joking" and pretending to throw me over. This wasn't testing my confusion over gas vs brakes for brake failure, but my response to other things. I was also taken to a pizza parlor with my brother, with my parents meeting Sandbergs or being there alone, and we were given money to "go play video games". I mostly played Pac-Man but I also played on the car game and it was one where you pretend you're racing a car, and the machine they had there had no brakes. The only way it let you drive was to hit the gas and speed up or take the foot of the gas to let it gradually slow down.
So while we were given money for "buying candy" outside, after being programmed to kill myself with drug or medicine (candy) overdose, we were also given money to practice brake failure in a car. When I began to play the car game more, we quit going there because I think it was expected I would stick to Pac-Man. I hadn't been playing the car game and then one time my Dad told me to play the car driving game and watched and then that was it. I remember Jim Sandberg was there that time, also observing to see how fast I crashed. My Dad also tested my response to someone saying "Stop!" at the time. Jim Sandberg was involved in trying to induce panic by having me near the edge of a cliff, and then in checking my response on a driving machine. My brother, on the other hand, was redirected away from the driving machine. He played it maybe one or two times total and I remember when other games were pointed out for him to play. He was about 9 years old and I was about 12 years old at that time.
Jim Sandberg, Maiers, and my parents were all government employees and all of them I witnessed trying to check how easy it would be to kill me and preparing and premeditating for it. More might come to mind but that's some of it. When we moved to Sherwood, Robin Bechtold tested my reaction prior to the actual "hit". He raced up behind my car with his car and then was pushing me off the road to the right with his car, while screaming at me and I sped up. He watched all of it, smirked, and then left. After flipping me off as well.
So, how many of YOU want to be "friends" with the following people:
Maiers
Bob and Dicksie Garrett
Bechtolds
Sandbergs
Is that enough for RICO? I think so, and that's just the bottom of the barrel. All of them shared the same information, and worked together. They also were able to blackmail each other on later occasion where they wanted to, most likely. When you open up that network and look at how many others they are connected to, you find the web of corruption and crime. It means cops, FBI, CIA, military--all crooked, illegal, lying hypocrites that torture kids and premeditate murders. I'd love to know how just the ones above defamed me to people publicly, to get innocent citizen's thinking there was something wrong with me, and I'd like to know how they defamed me secretly in government records or to those persons, while pretending they had no hidden agenda.
It is always possible, someone, in a huge group of people that are involved, regretted what they did or wanted to do something different and were already trapped into the blackmail. The government blackmail, as you can see, is no different from mafia blackmail. If someone thinks they've got blackmail on you over your own family, they might trust you with more, but it also means they control you and start pushing you around wherever they want you to go.
My son is not safe where he is because it is obvious I was not safe where I was, and he's been tortured by some of the same people who tortured me. The only person who really loves him, the way a mother should love their child, is me, and I take no responsibility for the government's actions against me to disparage my name and character and try to kill me and rape me. I am not responsible for ANY of it.
I believe it was around the time my Dad and Mom had the weapon against me while the man was at the door, that I remember I started having panic attacks when my Dad went into my room, but I possibly didn't have those until just before we moved from Moses Lake, WA. I tried to pretend I was asleep and was so scared, I froze. It was after I wasn't sleeping in the fetal position as much, and I would have my legs straightened out already and I remember one time he pressed against my back (where I guess the iron mark is, that I didn't know about until this year) and I was terrified. What I remember, is that he actually got an iron, like from an ironing board, and took it into the bedroom where I was lying on my stomach and pressed it down against my back, which freaked me out and I said nothing. During these times when my Dad was coming in to pull out my legs, or "untuck" me, or later, when I was already "straightened out", he was then arranging my feet. He arranged my feet to have one of them placed over the other one, not crossing the ankles, but one foot lying on top of the other foot, aligned.
I started to relive the feeling of panic of my Dad coming into the room as I lay rigidly still and straight, and then the U.S. began torturing me last night, to the metal stent in my heart and repeatedly shocking me with electrocution or some technology that does this, and they actually did this all the way up until about 9 a.m. this morning. I think it was to prevent me from remembering things, but what I remembered was the panic and fear. It was outright, sweating, fear, and I think my Dad figured out I wasn't asleep and checked my hands once and they were sweating up a storm. I had no idea why he'd grabbed an iron and pressed it on my back, and this scared me to death. It was done over my bedding, which was thin, and pushed down. So I was thinking this morning, why would he have put one foot over my other foot and wanted me to sleep that way? My thumbs were always tucked inside my fists at my side with either my arms bent up to the side, or linked together under me to an angle and with my feet that way, I thought it was like a "Penguin". I don't know what the programming was for, or arrangement of my feet--maybe to have me sleep with my feet together so in the planned brake failure I got my feet mixed up, I don't know. Also, the shirt that said "30" on it that my Mom wore had arms a different color from the rest of it, like a penguin and I think I said it was black and white or blue and white but I thought about it more and I believe it was purple or violet sleeves and white or light blue and white, I don't think black and white. But it was like one of those baseball shirts that is all one color, with a number on it, and then different colored solid sleeves.
Also, I forgot to mention, when I said my Dad said "Call Larry" one time at our house, to my Mom, it wasn't the same time the man came to the house or I saw my Mom with the weapon. It was a different time, I am 100% positive, but I also think there was something weird about it, like a man was already there at the house in the background but I don't know who. Some tall white guy (not one with olive or darker tan skin). So my Mom got on the phone and called Larry (a black guy, I think, but there is more than one Larry I'm sure). I remember he and my Mom had not looked like they wanted to call him, for whatever reason.
Anyway, my Dad didn't press an iron onto my back one night until right before we were leaving that house I believe. Now that I have found a scar that is iron-shaped on my back, I gather it has something to do with an iron or a masonry tool, but I was scared out of my mind. I didn't feel my Dad went in like a crazy person and just dootdee-doo, pressed it on my back for fun. It was more like, I don't know, a control thing and then of course they were all plotting my death. I sort of felt it was a warning against my talking about how I was getting set up and discredited.
It's also possible that arranging my feet to be one over the other, knowing I was in a panic mode with his coming into the room, and sweating already, was a way to condition my feet to do something while I was panicked, as in crossing over each other. Otherwise it might have been for something else.
pg. 60. E.H. says George Morgan was told, at the Soviet desk for CIA, the other mole could only be Ed Howard. He says the CIA concluded he was the spy based on the description and that Yurchenko used information from routine diplomatic sources and open lines to construct a "straw man" to draw fire away from the major active mole: Aldrich Ames.
Going back to pg. 58 quickly, after he mentions being in Movenpick (Mow-ven-pick, or "mauve-n-pick") he says they drove through Lucerne to Milan (which makes me think of milk and meals). He says the next day he visited Marco and Anne who lived in Sariswil, outside of Berne, and that they both remember they arrived in Sariswil from Milan. I think he's saying what he means to say, but since my Dad always played "Sorry" with us, if I'm E.H.'s biological kid (told I am), he says Meal-on (guy with burgers?) was before Sariswil (Sorry's will?) and then I think of my parents friend Mark Shaw and what he might know. Because right after this, E.H. mentions Oktober fest and Munich and the 22nd.
pg. 61, He says the CIA gave the FBI reason to think he could be a spy because of low opinion, so they focused on him to distract from the real mole, which E.H. says was Yurchenkos "simple, elegant, plan that worked like a charm. The woman in my diary that I pasted with my dream dress, "simple and elegant" (or simple and romantic) sort of looks like my Aunt Locklyn actually, but could be anyone, and a dream plan may be like a dream dress.
He says "The CIA was now in a real bind". This brings to mind how the Springers tied me and my brother up but I think their Dad must have suggested it to distract from how I was really tied up in my bedroom and probably elsewhere. I specifically remember being hog-tied in my bedroom and left there, by my Dad. I then remember he showed me how to hog-tie someone as if teaching me. An even earlier memory than this is of my Mom having my hands and feet tied and then untying me. I remember it was white string or rope of some king. Not a thick rope, but some kind of white cord. I think the Springers, with their "psychologist Dad", wanting to lay a cover track over what was done to me, encouraged his daughter Kara to play-pretend tying us to chairs and things as if it was all a kid's game, maybe in the hope I wouldn't remember the other things, but I definitely remember. I mean, clear as clear. When I was hog-tied by my Dad I sort of remember being on my side or something, but with my Mom and her white cord, I remember sitting on my rear with my knees and legs tucked in close to my chest. I don't remember the kind of cord with my Dad tying me but it was possibly a regular thin kind of rope...I don't really remember it being white cord specifically but I definitely remember it was white cord with my Mom.
After my Dad showed me what a "hog-tie" was, saying out loud to me, "This is a hog-tie", a few years later, they were changing the words "hog-tie" to "pig-stye". So instead of telling me in my bedroom, "This is a hog-tie", my Mom was exclaiming in that same bedroom, "This is a pig-stye!" So I was suddenly a "slob" just because it catered to the U.S. government's need to find other words for a cover for what they were doing to me. I remember waiting for my Mom for very long periods of time, to untie me when I was being tied. I don't remember anyone sitting there with me--I remember being alone. I don't know if this was all the time, but I also remember sitting in some kind of box or cage. I don't really remember it as a cage, but it was a box of some kind, and possibly if I was tied that long sitting, it kept me sitting upright and not falling over. But there was definitely a box or cage involved.
I think, since I was old enough to remember the box, and because they kept reducing the severity of what they were doing and changing it, it's possible that earlier than this it was a dog cage or something. With the hog tie, it was one rope, around my wrists and ankles, and with the tied up hands and feet in the box it was 2 separate white cords: one for my feet and one for my wrists.
I was sleeping on my back or being tucked in that way, legs straight out, around or up to age 7 or 8 and then I used to ask, "Aren't you going to tuck me in?" and "You forgot to tuck me in!" They changed their whole caring "Night night sweetheart" and tucking me in snuggly idea. Then they were laying on the abuse and I ended up sleeping in the fetal position from about age 8-13. Around the end of this period, I had my legs being untucked from me. And then from about 14-15 or so, or possibly 13-on, I was sleeping on my stomach, with my legs out and then later, before we moved, I remember being rigid and afraid and then having my feet arranged. I started crossing my ankles to avoid being touched, and my Dad would come in and uncross them and I would say, "I'm trying to sleep!" or "I'm sleeping!" before I started to get panicked. I would say the iron pressed on my back was one of the most terrifying nights I ever had. I remember panicking as soon as I saw the iron too, so I am positive when this was done to me, on my bare skin as a toddler or something, I was awake.
Also, I am positive about Robin testing to see what my reaction would be if someone tried to run me off the road or pushed me off with their car to the right. He had one expression to put on an act of rage and "loving me" ("I love you" I think he said and acted like he was crying but no tears) and then when I finally got past him and sped up, which I kept having to do, when he was behind, I saw him smirking. He wasn't upset at all. He was glad he had figured out what my response would be.
E.H. adds that the CIA actually TOLD the FBI to go after him, by saying his work history matched the description of the "traitor" Yurchenko described.
pg. 62. He says lets assume he was going to Vienna to be "reeled in" and given instructions. With this, after mentioning the CIA in a real bind, I think of the white cord I was tied up with. He says if they were giving him info they'd do it through a payphone or "back channel" method, not face to face. This sort of matches up with my being tied up in a box (like a pay phone booth with an open front) and hog-tied (back channel?). He says you'd never haul him off to Europe for a face-to-face meeting. However, here, I believe I was possibly flown out of the country and I do know I was taken to Canada.
He says here, it's standard procedure for the CIA and KGB to "stand down", that is, he says, "to temporarily suspend its local operations when some sensitive event happens". I know the other reaction I had, when someone told me I was going to be punished, they (my Mom or Dad) would take my hand and begin walking with me into a different room and I would scream and cry and try to sit down on the floor. They would yank on my arm saying, "GET UP" and "STAND UP". I would try to sit down, and later, I would cry and say "No! Please!" and start screaming and crying just at the idea of where I was being taken. Sometimes I was crying and saying "I'm sorry!" half of the time not even knowing what I'd done wrong. He says if an operation was suspended, they were told to go "on ice".
He says when you recruit an agent, you developed these contingency plans "in the earliest stages of contact". He then says if the "fat hit the fire" the KGB would tell them to go with them right away through a danger signal. I notice he mentions ice and then fire.
I can touch on that in a moment. I also remember I was gagged so I couldn't talk or be heard. I had both tape put over my mouth and was gagged with cloth and cotton.
I remember being gagged or having my mouth taped shut by my parents, my Aunt Locklyn, and Jim Sandberg. Jim Sandberg gagged me with heavy duty duct tape. He also threatened me at their house in Moses Lake. Usually he was nicer and Shirley didn't like me, but I also saw another side of him that was mean, intimidating, bullying, and violent. I was gagged with a cloth or scarf of some kind, and with duct tape, at my Aunt Locklyn's house when I was there, which I remember, and was gagged with duct tape and cloth at my parent's house and also either going in or out of Canada. I think I was usually drugged somehow shortly going into Canada because I don't remember much and then I don't remember specifically coming back but I do remember having my mouth taped for some part of the car trip into Canada. I also remember some of the "mouth stuffers" as cotton balls and the gauze tape you can use to wrap around as a bandage, and some kind of cut up cotton rags.
When I was older I was told "Do we need to tape your mouth shut?" "Do you want your mouth taped shut?" "Shut up" and instead of gags I had my mouth occasionally cuffed or stopped with the palm of my Mom's hand and I would start crying after she did this. First it was "Do you want your mouth taped shut?" and then it got reduced to "Shut up!" all the time.
When I was gagged going in and out of Canada, I remember some of the time, lying down in the back of the car where the seats folded down. I don't recall being put in a trunk or anything, but anything is possible. I also know Stephanie Maiers found out about it somehow and didn't tell me but instead started making fun of me saying she had cut up a bunch of rags and made curlers out of them and why didn't I try rolling my hair in rags? She came up with this at the same time she came up with telling me to go naked down the slippery slide and was testing my programming response to "brake failure" in my car by nudging a horse into the side of my horse and then shouting at me to tell it to "stop".
My brother and I got so used to being gagged on our trips to Canada we started putting the gags on and off ourselves, or did later when it wasn't forced anymore. Jim Sandberg said something aloud like "Do you want your mouth taped shut?" and held up a large roll of silver duct tape when he did and aside from threatening with this, he also tied us with rope and taped our mouths.
The only time I pretended gagging myself and my brother with cloth in the back of the car was if the seats were down so it was like a floor in the back and we were lying down, and someone said we were going to Canada. It was never if we were going to the store or downtown or something like that. It was also usually when we were in our pajamas. So later, when Wenatchee library had a 'pajama reading time' and I took my son, I didn't know why my mother sort of winced and why some of the parents there smirked at me but this is probably why.
When it comes to "ice" I remember 2 different things. I remember, for literal ice, I was constantly icing something that was swollen and I hated ice because it was so cold. I also "possibly" remember, not for certain, but something about lying down over a whole sheet of ice. I also "possibly" remember having to walk on ice, like how people walk on fire or lie on a bed of nails, I walked on ice with my bare feet. Also, regarding fire, aside from being tortured with technology at night or beaten, I guess I think of, when E.H. mentions the "fat hit the fire", a "pig (cop) beating a kid" or I also have a thought, that is of unknown significance to me. I know for some reason, the sizzling sound of bacon or sausage fat in a frying pan scared me. I don't know why and I remember we didn't have bacon or sausage cooked around me and then when they did, I recognized the sound and got scared.
So basically, when I now think about it, I've written about this sound and how it bothered me before and I didn't know why. And I've also written before about my Dad pressing an iron over my bed blankets onto my back. I just recently, since then, discovered I have an imprint and scar of an iron on my back. So why do you think the sound of "sizzling" might bother me? It might, at least, be one of several forms of torture that produced that sound, which would make anyone who was both living and awake to hear it, afraid.
E.H. states it is further evidence he wasn't a spy because if he had been, the KGB would have alerted him to leave the U.S. because Yurchenko had identified him.
pg. 63. One thing I note is that he says if he was in Europe already when the "fat hit the fire" and I would guess this meant I was tied down (with rope) when I was tortured with an iron to my back, among other things. At least it triggers an association.
He says if he was an agent the KGB wouldn't let him meet them in Vienna and then especially wouldn't have allowed him to go back. He says the reason he didn't do these things is because he is not a Soviet spy.
He says oddly, in mid-August of 1985, an FBI agent Bill Gillespie (BG) visited him unexpectedly and said he had a question about his dealings with a man named Philip Troutman, a NM employee who had been indicated for trying to extort money from a NY bank. He thought it was odd he'd go in person when he could have called, but he says his mission was clear. G wasn't interested in T. He had gone to verify the residence so the FBI could start surveillance, install a telephone wiretap (wiring), and then became part of the FBI's 60-man (wow, only that many listeners?) 24 hour a day EH surveillance team. To me, this sounds like he's saying the only excuse for torturing me was to dissociate me and cover their official tracks of wiring me and turning me into a surveillance machine. He then says "The FBI's hunt for evidence against me was on" and then soon after this he mentions getting the book "The Hunt for Red October". I'm a redhead born in October. Cutting me up, torturing me so that the "fat sizzles" on my back, and tying me up...sounds like a hunt to me.
pg. 65. Titled Seeing Shadows. Abbreviated S.S. and what I would think of is how what the U.S. and Canada did to me was and is as bad as any crime reviewed in Nuremberg Trials for crimes against humanity. On this page he describes seeing a man in a baseball cap in a green sedan. For me, it makes me think of someone parked on the road to my house who I noticed one day, who I thought was selling marijuana and didn't realize was possibly surveilling me even, and it also makes me think about the green sedan my parents owned, the 74 (or 76?) Chevy Impala. Baseball cap wouldn't mean anything to me except for Crystal (who I think I possibly used a "K" for, for name now and then) had the fireman's hat that looked like a baseball cap when on backwards. I would also think of the baseball shirt my Dad gave my Mom. Jim Sandberg also wore a baseball hat all the time. I also notice E.H.'s use of questions, "Was he this? was he that?" and it's the same format as the questions in the game of Clue, which I received as a present. I notice he says both something "intuitive clicked" in his head and that the green sedan "cut across" the loop. Gun and knife, obviously. First the Clue-style questions and then the click of a gun and the cut of a knife.
pg. 66. He says the man was pissed and his face was full of anger because he knew he'd been burned. How was he burned? E.H. says he, E.H., made a "left turn" and caught him.
(I just went out for a walk, thought about some things and can clarify here...I only remember my Dad hog-tying me once, and possibly when I asked what it was, but I don't think I'd have asked. The shirt of my Mom's that said 30 was not black and white because those are not colors she wears or that my Dad would have got her--I think it was lavender and white.)
The other thing is when I was an older kid, I went into my closet a lot. It is possibly because I was in a box at an earlier age and felt comfortable that way but I moved a dresser into my closet and made it a place I retreated to. I read books there and moved a lamp into the room so I had a light and it was this tiny walk-in closet but I would go in and shut the door and make it my hideaway. I also started storing a little food in there, mostly bread. For example, I wouldn't take a whole loaf of bread, but a few pieces or maybe 4-5 from the rest of the loaf when there was a new one in the drawer and I'd put it in the closet so if I was hungry I had something to eat. My lamp with the angels was too short, I think, without an extension cord, so I plugged one in and ran it into my closet and then I had a little bread in there, and started keeping a few other items as well, so that when I was hungry, I had something. I never told anyone but I'm sure someone knew. I would keep bread, apples and storable fruit, crackers, peanut butter in a jar with a spoon, sometimes cheddar cheese if it was a small enough piece and I wrapped it in plastic and ate it in a day or two, and jam, and sometimes I'd put some chips into a bag, and I also had raisins and marshmallows and sometimes a few chocolate chips in a bag in there. I also started scooping frozen orange juice concentrate out of a can with a spoon. So I would go into my closet and read, or eat, and think about things. I had a blanket I put out so it was like having a picnic and then I was washing the butter knife and spoon and hiding everything. I did this for a long time and then when I was much older, I didn't keep food in there anymore and just snuck something at night if I was hungry.
Considering what I went through as a kid, I don't have any doubt, whatsoever, that it is "God's will" that those who tortured me and raped me, die.
pg. 66. E.H. says he was shocked to think the people surveilling him were his former coworkers. He says he thought, "No! It couldn't be them!" For me, that's what I thought over the shock of the weapons. He says at that point he was ready to admit he was working too hard and seeing ghosts. To this I would think about my being a ghost for Halloween in the 2nd grade. The other thing I do remember, is someone was coming in and out of my own room with a white sheet over their head and body (from my closet, to my closet and out) and then I started joking around with my brother by pretending to be a ghost at night, to gently "scare" him and he knew it was me. The other thing I did, when he felt left out because of Crystal, and my Mom said why don't you play with your brother, if he didn't watch t.v., I used to drag him around on "rides" on a blanket, all through the house, and I swaddled him up like a "baby" and pretended he was my baby. He loved it. I made him lie down and did 3 corners on him, and wrapped him up as snug as I could in a blanket and carried him around cooing at him and he would say, "Goo-goo gah gah?" I told, "Say, 'goo-goo? gah-gah?" and he'd say this and I'd say, "Oh my baby! my baby!" and this started to bug my Mom too because he really got into it. I told her, "But he LIKES being a baby MOM!" I told her, "Mom, he likes being wrapped up really tight and then we pretend he's my baby." He loved it and started getting upset if I didn't wrap him up tight enough. I fed him with a doll pretend baby bottle too, pink and white, that looked like it had orange juice in it. And he'd say, "Mama!" and reach up his arms for me to pick him up. He grabbed the ice cream cone pendant I had on a necklace around my neck and licked it, saying "Mmm! Ice cream! Baby want ice cream!" He relished being a baby. The other thing about shadows is that at that time I saw shadows moving every night on my wall from car lights of cars driving past our house. My Dad had also shown me "shadow puppets" earlier, when I was younger, and I was then sometimes making them to myself on my wall from light from the living room if the door was open.
E.H. says he thought maybe the guy in the green sedan is just lost or enjoying a drive and then his CIA training overrode his wishful thinking and he remembered "one of James Bond's maxims: "Once is coincidence. Twice is enemy action." So what happened is either the first or second time the "ghost", a person with a sheet over their body, went into my room at night, back and forth from my closet, they stole my necklace that had a pendant which was my favorite, an ice cream cone pendant. I asked my Mom and Dad about it and they smirked, and when I noticed it was gone, they were both sitting there together, eating ice cream and smirking at me. I knew they knew my necklace with the ice cream cone pendant was stolen, and they were the two in the house. So at that point, I thought, "First I catch my parents with a weapon against me, then they lie about having any and say I see things wrong, and next they're stealing from me and wanting me to talk about 'ghosts' out loud." I knew then, at age 9, they were trying to make me sound crazy. My mother even tried to prompt me to say I saw a 'ghost' in my room. It was known to be my favorite necklace pendant, so where it went, I have no idea.
I believe that was the first thing stolen from my room. The next thing was the cameo pendant that was real. E.H. says he wanted to make another effort at "flushing out the quail" and the only person I knew who ate pheasant and quail was Katie Fallon. He says the El Dorado Wilderness Area was located about 3 miles from the Interstate El Dorado Intersection so he bypassed and went to Old Santa Fe Trail Road. He went under a bridge, and then noticed the same green sedan and then a gold car too. He describes turning on a flashlight and temporarily blinding them and then heading for home. I remember I had a flashlight and went out and asked my parents about my cameo at one point. I don't remember at what point I had the flashlight or why, but I remember I turned it on and they said not to shine the flashlight in their eyes. They took my flashlight away.
pg. 67. E.H. says he was angry and scared on the drive home and felt like Butch Cassidy when he kept spotting the posse following him. He says he didn't get their license plate numbers again.
What I remember is it was possibly the cameo necklace stolen first and I noticed and then it was the ice cream pendant and I was sure then, and saw them eating ice cream and smirking. I thought why are my parents stealing my jewelry from me and who are they giving it to? It was the cameo and the ice cream pendant, in either order. He mentions license plate twice because it was the same thing both times.
So what I next think of, is the Israeli movie, "Walk On Water", about a spy who wants to kill a "Nazi" and infiltrates a family to do it. When he balks at killing the Nazi (an old man on his birthday with the birthday hat), the brother in the family that is infiltrated pulls the plug for him and then the Jewish spy marries the Nazi's grand-daughter. At the end, a baby is born to the Jewish spy and the Nazi's grand-daughter and the brother stands by happily. A review for this movie had stated, "Not a single frame will be seen outside of Israel" (or in America or something). I think what is implied is obvious. The acronym for this chapter in E.H.'s book is even S.S.
E.H. says they were government agents but to make a case of government harassment, he would need better evidence.
pg. 68. He says "halfway home" and past entranceto El Dorado he pulled one more trick to verify what was happening and a third of the way up the hill he parked and waited with lights out.
To me, yeah, because my flashlight was gone. Lights out for that reason. He waited for the cars and they didn't show up. Instead, he says the distant drone of light aircraft came next. So, "from a distance" someone involved in airlines. I would say it could indicate Jim Sandberg, whose son worked for Boeing, or the Maiers, who turned their driveway into a lighted strip that looked like a runway, or "halfway" there, and from a distance, the UK Middleton who worked for airlines.
I would have to think about it. He mentions "light aircraft", "wing lights flicker" and circling the area. The other thing that comes to mind is that E.H. says this plan was at extremely low altitude, and when I was in Seattle, Wa, they put out a military plane on a special course to fly well below standards above me, only a few hundred feet above the tops of buildings there. I knew it was harassment but I didn't know why the U.S. would be doing this. A lot of people knew why or thought they knew, so basically, they've carried out this whole harassment against me and for their own enjoyment, thinking I would never know about E.H. and that he was my biological father. He says he knew the FBI used light planes and twilight scopes to track Soviet diplomats in the U.S. and the state police had no reason to do this so it had to be FBI. But why? he asks. He says he told Mary and she said he must be seeing things in the dark, and he says he saw the green car 3 places and then why would an aircraft circle him in the dark?
pg. 69. He says he was then busy and then he was surveilled again by a man in a light blue Mustang. He also says he drove to a pharmacy and this is where he saw him.
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UPDATED 8/30/13.
The other thing that came to mind, when reading the above pages, not having to do with my bedroom but sort of...sort of intermixed the way it's written, is my brother, pulling into the driveway after someone ran into me and tried to kill me.
I remember, that night, he came driving up very late, in someone else's car and as he was driving up, I noticed the headlights were the same as the ones from the car that flashed its brights at me, from behind me.
I would never suspect my own brother of running into me with a car, but I did notice the headlights and how the car looked from the front. I then noticed my brother walking into the house, sweaty-face, and looking a different color and sick, and not wanting to look me in the eye and avoiding me. Then right after this, he moved out of the house to a different town.
I also remember he was doing deals with Robin Bechtold and saw them in private conversation on one occasion at the very end of our dirt-gravel driveway, which was unusual and they didn't want me to see them and then when I did, they whispered and then went separate ways.
My brother then supposedly held a gun against someone and I never heard why, but it was Annette Sandberg that got him the free pass, and her family was involved in observing me to see how my responses were to programming for "brake failure" in a panic situation.
The way my brother acted after someone had just tried to kill me, and avoiding even talking to me, and then fleeing the house to live elsewhere, gave me enough suspicion to watch him as he pulled up into the driveway with that car he was borrowing that wasn't his.
Later, Judy Roark 'suggested' he was involved. Judy is dead now, right after I intercepted and opened up something she sent to the house.
When I saw a photo of him with my son on his lap for a wedding, my son looked extremely unhappy and miserable and afraid of him and my brother, in that photo, looks like a proud gigilo.
My photos and yearbooks and things that were being stolen were being given to other people by my brother, and according to him he got involved in "drugs" in Newberg, but one of contacts was Robin Bechtold, who had tested my response to brake failure before someone ran into me.
Several of the men who were government employees who later raped me or did other things, made a point of first driving "someone else's car" before they committed their crime, potentially as a warning to anyone in my family (if they cared) that someone could talk about my brother Levi.
Levi (i.e., "Charlie Brown") was "in the loop" with Sandbergs. He was also exchanging "business" with Robin Bechtold. He not only left the house after I was hit, he dropped out of school. When I went to go get him because I felt sorry for him, he started working at a place where he met the man who knew Mike Nichols, who next tried to assassinate me, and who was connected to Robin Bechtold (my brother was working at an electronics store then, like Mike and his friends).
After the assassination attempt, a second time, I invited him to "detox" at my house and when I pulled into my driveway one day, he was outside digging what looked like a shallow grave. I asked him what he was doing and he said he digging a ditch for the water to drain down. After both assassination attempts against me, all kinds of comments about how he was just a drug dealer and addicted to drugs and methods for gaining my pity were made. The Sandbergs, Annette Sandberg specifically, both times tested the grounds by implying my brother might go to jail over the gun incident, however, they just wanted to know what my response would be because they were involved. Then my brother met Carmen and she joined the U.S. Army which Roos was involved with, and she is the one who bristled at any negative mention of Mossad. She and my brother were stealing from me and she was connected to people that led to Middletons. When they divorced, I believe it was strategic in case one of them got caught, the other one might be free or have a chance to get away.
My brother should be nowhere near my son Oliver and my son should be returned to me based on the fact those who lied are government criminals who tried to murder me.
There is more information than that.
And I also remember I tried twice to get the license plate number on that car that my brother was driving and asked my Dad about it or my brother after he was gone, and I remember he started to suspect I suspected him because the 3rd time I saw him driving up the driveway, at night, he kept the turned the headlights off after he pulled into the driveway. Then he was gone, left for Newberg, and I was told, when I first asked, no one knew where he was.
E.H. indicates the people involved with the situation he was describing (however it relates or not) were FBI connected. I have had a feeling my brother somehow got a job with the government aside from his regular job. I know he asked what I thought about his joining the military once. At different times he's acted paranoid over the phone, insisting he wishes he could do something to help me; he's tested me by asking what I think about military, and what I would think about his visiting my son. He and Carmen quit talking to me from 2005-2011 and weren't in touch that much before then. She divorced him sometime before Kate Middleton's marriage, which I remember because around that time I attempted to contact FBI again to make a report and prior to that, in Washington state in 2009 I had, and I had tried talking to U.S. Marshalls once as well. She supposedly took almost all of the assets, but if they thought they were going to get caught, they would split up and move them to the best location for both of them, because both of them were involved.
When Judy Roark indicated to me my brother was involved, my mother was extremely cool and hostile to her and wouldn't let her come up the stairs and Judy talked from the bottom of the stairs with my Mom at the top of the stairs. My brother would have had, over these years, a very high motive for defaming me and/or trying to set me up to get rid of me somehow. He and others of course. I would have a better look at the Adams and Peters cars, and the one my brother drove. I know Aaron Bourne, a Jew who lived near, was also happy about what bad things happened to me but I don't know the extent of his involvement. When I saw the one from Adams or Peters I recognized the car, but when I saw my brother that night, I recognized those headlights and the front of the car and my brother had never acted the way he did that night.
I saw Robin giving my brother something at the end of the driveway, when he was back from Newberg as well. They were never seen in school as "friends" so I wondered what it was that they would be exchanging. That time, I assumed it was about drugs, their common interest--however, they both also had an interest in killing me.
I am going to keep commenting on E.H.'s book next.
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It is later in the day....I wrote some of the above early in the morning. I have already written this part down I believe, but I do remember I finally got the license plate number and had it in my room and then someone stole it from me. My Dad saw me go outside and write it down and he said, "What are you doing?" and didn't look happy. I put it in my room and then someone took it and at that point, my brother disappeared. At the time I had thought, "It's bad enough if my brother is up to something, but then my Dad acts suspicious too? and the number is gone?" I wasn't sure if my brother or my Dad took it, but I figured one of them did. No one else went into my room.
Much later, over a decade later, after I met the FBI, when I told them about Bujanda and Garza, and the business card he'd given me with phone numbers on it, it was stolen from my apartment, the entire card was taken by someone who broke in or, the only other person in my apartment was a kid who said his Dad was in the U.S. Army. It was the same thing--someone stealing evidence from me.
When I asked my brother what he and Robin had been giving each other at the end of the driveway he said, "Oh just some music."
What I saw from a distance, was Robin give my brother something. It looked like they both exchanged something, but because I had seen Robin handing something to my brother, I thought it was drugs and drug money. So I asked my brother what kind of music and could I listen too, and he said quit being nosy or something like that. I remember my brother had a CD in his hand but I thought, I don't know if that's all I saw at the end of that driveway. I also thought, "Why would Robin give my brother a CD for something when they aren't even friends (so I thought) but to me he gives me a cassette tape?" He had no reason to give my brother music at the end of a long driveway, in the shadows, whispering. Also, if my brother even wanted drugs, he didn't need Robin. His best friends from Newberg, who he saw all the time, could give him whatever he wanted. It didn't make sense. I saw what looked like a small paper bag and possibly money exchanged, I thought, so when my brother had only the CD in his hands, and a backpack with him, I wondered what was in it. Over a decade later when Robin called me up to buy prescription narcotics from me, I think it was potentially a cover for a worse crime of paying someone for a hit on my life.
pg. 70. He says He and Mary knew the CIA didn't have to go to the back door and could approach them directly if they wanted something so they waited for them to make their move. He says he went about business as usual and would have to not let them "rattle my cage". Here, I think of this expression and if it's anything more than plainspeak, what I would think of was at that time my Dad woke me by grabbing my bed posts and shaking the bed from side to side. He says right after this, they planned a trip to San Francisco, and this is where Robin Bechtold's mother's side of the family is from. He decided to first go to Seattle and then there.
Then he says he and Mary took a trip to Seattle and had a salmon dinner on the wharf. They took a car trip and found news that Oleg Gordievsky, a KGB station chief in London, had defected to the British and thought, if it was true, "my old bosses must be having a field day". Then they took a half-hour ferry across the bay and went to a wildlife park in Kings County. He says there was another light plane flying low and circling for almost a half hour. This is the second time he mentions something about "half" and "from a distance" and "light planes circling". With "half" coming up twice, along with planes...what could he be implying?
(some thoughts after walking...the one thing that is different from my brother and the car he was driving and the other car behind me was the color and style of car looked like one I saw that was Peters or Adams and I need to see it to know for sure. The other one I think I once saw was Aaron Bourne's parents' car and he lived up the same direction. However, the reaction and move of the person driving was like that of a man or an experienced driver. Not only that, the individuals who actually watched my response to being hit or pushed off the road by a car or horse were Stephanie Maiers (horse), Robin Bechtold (who was best friends with Adams and Peters) and his family; also my Mom (they don't call it the Alma for nothing), my Dad and Jim Sandberg--these are people I can think of who I remembered being physically present to observe but I might remember more). Why my brother would then pull in later, shaking, and acting guilty and driving this car with similar headlights, could be that one, or part of the cover because many were involved, including those in my family. My parents knew of my programming and tested it, and I had called their house from the Bechtold's house before driving that way. I would only have to see the car and the lights to be 100% positive. Also, I saw the outline of the person in the car before they flashed their headlights or turned them on and I can go into that at a later time. Because I did not die or crash as expected, I was able to see the next car and driver as Tony Roos. Later, after this was done to me and I survived, someone had Judy's son out there in a similar line-up, as if to mask or confuse who it had been--Tony with Judy's son)
Basically, what I've been talking about--the 'covers' and "overlay" of something that occurs by repeating the same thing with only slightly different elements or variations in an attempt to confuse the memory, was done after this attempt against my life. I remember the differences. I remember right after, when a second 3-car promenade was made, with similar but different features, that I knew people were attempting to cover up what was done or suggest it was other people.
I was supposed to be dead. So it's very scary for assassins when their targeted prey isn't killed "by accident" as planned. It really is like The Man Who Knew Too Little, where it's extremely serious and yet it's almost so shocking and incredible, it's thought to be a joke or where one person is the total dummy, thinking it's all a game having no idea what danger they're in. It's like me laughing out loud and going into giggles as my mother was beating me with a spoon and then it breaks.
I loved that baseball cap, by the way. I won't say in what order they were (the drivers that ran into me and which re-enacted this) but one wore a baseball hat. The others following in the line of 3 were Tony Roos (for actual assassination attempt) and Todd Roark (for pretense later in a row of 3 similar cars), and then there was one other car with 2 or 3 people in it. So the exact same line-up was made, and while I might not state more about the persons who actually ran into me or pretended later they were about to do this, anyone would know both Todd Roark and Tony Roos were involved and I'll say that much. Even if the one wasn't involved in trying to assassinate me, he was later involved in a line-up to attempt to confuse me with other similar faces, cars/trucks, and persons. The line-up the second time to cover for the first, involved the same kinds of vehicles, in the same order, with similar faces behind the wheel, traveling in the same direction, and imitating the same scenario (but not with the same force) in the same part of the road as was done for the actual attempted murder. So it was not an accident, because there was an elaborate effort to cover for the actual murder attempt. No one goes to those lengths to make a cover, hoping to confuse or distort memory when someone doesn't die, if it was just an accident in the first place.
With the description of "hovering above and circling very low" by E.H. of "light plane" I could also think of my brother Levi, who I woke up to, a couple of times, finding him inches away from my face watching me while I slept and with something in his hand. It scared me because I thought why is he that close to my face and then looking at me with hate when I wake up? I didn't know what the point was.
With E.H.'s description of the green sedan, the gold GM, and the light plane (GS, GM, LP) the next thing he talks about is the wildlife park. He says they took a train to see the animals and that 2 young men in their early twenties with baseball caps stood when they walked to the train station. He says they were not with a group, didn't have girlfriends or children and stood out like sore thumbs. He says he couldn't shake the sight of the small plane, the men, and why. He says, it wasn't subtle, so why?
I remember going to a wildlife park and being on the train in Seattle. I remember there were some people there who were not friendly at all and I noticed we were followed and watched wherever we went. Of course I remember this, because how could I forget? My personal experience of that place was exactly as he describes it. I even asked my Dad, "Who are these people watching us?" I sensed other people possibly watching but the two I noticed seemed to be employees or something but then they didn't have park badges so I wondered who they were. I had a very bad and down feeling at that place. I was really excited about the train ride and remember someone smiling at me and I smiled, but I sensed a depression and sadness. I remember the people smiling at me as sitting somewhere behind me because I turned around and saw them.
Another thing I remembered, which has more to do with bridges than trains, is something with my Dad. I remember when we went to church there was a huge hole filled with water and it was a mud puddle and I couldn't reach from the driveway over it to the car seat. So my Dad first had this rolled out thing and told me to walk over it, and I did, and I had thought he once put out a plywood "bridge" for me to walk over but he didn’t—that was just for himself when he worked underneath cars. But there was a rolled up piece of carpet in the car so I didn't get my shoes and socks wet, and then one day he got mad at me because I said it had bugs in it (it did), so he put his suit jacket down, and said something about "your highness" or some joke and said walk over it and I did and felt my Dad really cared about me to spend so much time and make such a big deal about making a bridge for me to walk over. After I walked on his coat, when he asked me to, he got this look of hatred in his eyes, towards me. I remember it frightened me because I noticed the incredible shift in his expression. It was a tan or light brown or caramel colored suit jacket. I almost think he did this more than once, but I remember that time and he looked like he was suddenly passive-aggressive and biting his lip with rage. He looked at me with hatred like “I always knew” or he was right about something, and I thought "What did I do wrong?" and then he made some snotty comment and never put out anything to go over the mud puddle again. He told me, "Oh, there's a mud puddle? Jump." My feelings were crushed. He didn't stand next to me, pay any attention to me, and sat in the car and said, "Jump over it." So I did and I got my socks and shoes dirty because I couldn't make it all the way. So then they were telling me to "jump" over the mud puddle and he'd never move the car, and I would ask someone to open the door for me at least so they'd open the door where I could see the seat and expect me to "jump". This is the kind of horrific thing they did along with sudden beatings and verbal abuse. One minute they "loved me" and acted like it, and did small things out of what I had thought was affection and the next minute, it was like they hated my guts. So when I went to church after that, my shoes were always dirty. I even remember my white ones, with tiny daisy shaped flower cut-outs and little dots and a strap over the middle. They were always dirty and I had to clean them off in the car and I believe they were around size 13 and I was about age 9. I remember something about 9 at that time. I remember the other thing was that these shoes that I had, which inspired the hatred, were like some tan Mary Jane shoes I had for kindergarten, with a strap and cut out dots, and I wore them for a first day of school photo along with a dress that had the same kind of sailor v neckline with a bow at the end of the v and dusty rose stripes, as Princess Diana’s dress when she left with William when he was born (which I noticed later), or more exactly, like the shirt Alex Romanov is wearing in one of the Russian Romanov family photos. I also noticed that in one of these family photos they are next to a fountain with a swan spitting out a stream of water.
Not only was my entire family mocking me and telling me to take a flying leap into the car, which meant I got my white shoes dirty, they were at that time setting clocks backwards to the wrong time. I was always on time and they began setting my clock back so I was late and then said I was always late and everyone always had to wait on me.
pg. 71. E.H. then says they caught the flight to San Francisco and went to Chinatown for dinner. He says he considered standing in front of "the devil's den" (Soviet consulate) to punish the "surveillance". He says he didn't know where it was located but mentioned it. I guess when I think of a "den" I think of a lion's den, but he indicates the baseball-capped friends reactions would have been priceless if he did. He says they fly back to Santa Fe and then Fred Johnson called him and told him the FBI had been snooping around and was saying they wanted to do a background investigation. He says Fred had worked in Bolivia prior to his resignation from the CIA and was planning to return there for business opportunites. He says Fred figured they didn't want him going to La Paz without permission and he agreed the CIA would not welcome an ex-operations person in the same city with active agents. He says he drove from his office to have a sandwich with Mary who was working as a dental assistant and noticed the driver of a man behind him at a stop light. He says it was the same man on their plane during their west coast trip. Here, Bolivia makes me think of "balls" and then La Paz (pronounced la paws, la pause, la pa's and sort of like topaz. Also, I had cousins with the last name "Ball". E.H. says he reflected on all the surveillance over the past 3 weeks (pg. 73) and Fred's phone call. He was sure it was all connected and that things would come to a head, and he was right, it did.
I was also being punished by being tied up and gagged and had my mouth taped or tied with a cloth gag.
I remember one
time they were small limes and possibly later they were some kind of small
bouncy ball or ping pong balls. I remember it was a big accomplishment
for me to be able to persuade my Mom I would do it myself. It's possible
the reason I hated the green dot and white dress was because of the limes in my
mouth and being gagged. I don't know. It was done to me if I
"lied" I remember that was one form of punishment. Sometimes in
addition I was spanked with a hairbrush.
I was gagged with cotton balls, with gauze bandages, with cloth rags stuffed in my mouth and then taped over with duct tape, and I even remember having to hold boiled chicken eggs, with the shells on, in my mouth when I was younger than that. I was also tied up in my bedroom at my hands and feet, with white cord (one for my hands and one for my feet) and made to sit in a box that was open in the front, on the floor. Another time I asked my Dad what hog-tied was when it came up and he tied me up and then left me there in the room, and that was with regular rope.
At the time my Dad was coming into my room to take a nap, he started telling me not to turn around but to take off my shirt, and then while I was face-down, he masturbated and ejaculated all over my back.
He did this
several times and then wiped it with a towel and my Mom was doing the laundry,
taking all of my sheets and bedding to be washed. I was getting up to take a bath and the first
thing I soaped up was my back. Then
sometimes I was told to turn around and once when I did and I pushed his face away, he got mad and I heard a belt
buckle and I was bleeding on my belly button and didn’t know why, but I’d been
cut with a knife. The other person to do
this was an Uncle Valentine, before my Dad and my Aunt Locklyn was mad at me
and didn’t want to hear about the bleeding.
One time I
looked up when my Dad was leaving the room and noticed he looked different and
I said, “You don’t look like the same Dad as usual” or something like that and
he smiled but didn’t say anything. Once
two other men showed up with my Dad and I knew them as cops of some kind and
they waited in the living room while this was done to me. We later went to a military recruiting office
and my Dad gave them VHS tapes, which I’ll bring up later.
As for other bugs in
the carpet, I was told once, when I said, “There’s bugs” in the “rug” or
genital hair, they were “freckles”. This was with Jim Sandberg and my Dad. I
possibly did this with Forrest Tancer but I don’t know where. I remember he was joking about the “black
forest”. He joked the same way more than one time. Then
my Mom once performed oral sex on me and when I asked what she was doing she
said, “Looking for lice” and then it was later after that I had to hold limes
in my mouth and be spanked with a hairbrush.
I know the Sterling family, Forrest's wife's family, was raised in the same town as my Mom and I have an iron imprint on my back and they named their winery "Iron Horse". Had I known this or thought about this when I met Mike Tancer, I would have never gone anywhere with him.
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