Doral & Bear Collage for son (last week photos)

After the collage I made for my son with the woods and water scene, which ended up reminding me of someone else too, in a really strange twist (I even found out...well anyway, it makes me laugh when I think of it, the "precious moments") So I made another after that, with a Doral cigarette ad bc it was to show an expression of width of love, as I used to do with my son. I was going to change or write over the "Doral" part but I ended up leaving it, thinking of "Dory" the fish from Finding Nemo. It's not artistic at all, but just something to put together for a small story. Anyway, I've tried several time to upload them and there are computer problems. I haven't checked, but I'm guessing the sentences are still running together as well.

The staircase I featured because my son played a game with Dad on such, pretending there was the "invisible man", so they were creaking up the stairs and every time they made a sound, my Dad said it was the invisible man and my son laughed and laughed. So it's that, and a setee with black and white pillows (I later found out after my blood polka-dot collage about the big cut, he went to his room and drew big black circles and lines all over his face), and then you can't see all the bears, but several bears. What looks like a little cap on the woman's head, isn't a cap. It's a small cut-out photo of a grizzly, to make for "this little bear" in words. Then there are words about love, and only child, and a rockingchair with an afghan with knitted flowers on it by the window.

The saying is "this little tar and this much taste" or something and I changed it to this little bear and this much love, but I kept Doral, thinking of Dory from Finding Nemo. Then the II I covered up to make I with a flower. And I put "Oh Honey!" next to it, thinking of his drawing on his face. A little sample of a heart bc he's learning the alphabet.

There is a clock on a wall, next to words I wrote which you can't see, that say I think of you all the time. And bubbles and I switched out the Doral cigarette for a fake cigarette with the word "blessings" on it instead.

I made this the same day I took the photos of myself in green, showing the paper "T", but had put on my black and red sweater bc it was cold. It was the same day though.

(bad vibe Sun & Mon) Geza Anda and Mozart's 6th piano concerto

I looked up different pieces of scripture and music tonight but this one stood out to me, Mozart - Piano Concerto No. 6 in B flat major, K. 238: 1st mvt Link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvO5Z2bRhhY The pianist, in particular, "...Is exquisite" I thought. I chose the 6th since my son is almost 6. Who is smiling now? This one, I don't know what kind of dance you would dance? for this piece, but it has such a good rhythm (tempo?). I looked up the pianist after only a few seconds, thinking, "this is a very good pianist" My favorite part is at 6:10, I think it is, the answer and response. To me, it sounded like a balcony scene. Or the echo through a large canyon coming back to the sender. It starts at 6 and then the response to the caller is at 6:4. It is Cinderella? It's that part of the song in the Disney movie, where she sings out this very high call, and then hears it come back to her...which Disney movie is that? It must be Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, or Cinderella but I am not sure which yet. She sings out, aha-aha-ah....and puts a hand to her ear I think and hears it return to her. I found an online virtual keyboard...sort of A B A B A (maybe in 3/3 time with AB as one count, next AB as second and last A as whole note). I am not good with music theory. I found it. It's Snow White at The Wishing Well and then the balcony scene is at One Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITXH87LNtO4 I am not sure, but tried to match the key on the virtual piano and it's closer to B flat but sounds out of tune. So I have no idea. But that's what I had come to mind while listening to Mozart's 6th by Geza Anda. It's true! so if I heard the echo, does my wish then come true? I want my son returned. I shouldn't even have to make a wish for that. It looks like it's set in 4/4 time. Anyway. I had a very bad/sad vibe a few days ago and thought it had something to do with my son and how he was being treated. It wasn't today, and it wasn't yesterday. Yesterday I woke up and was pleasantly suprised there was a slightly better vibe to wake up to. But it was Monday or Sunday. I had a horrible feeling and it was very depressing. I think it was both Sunday and Monday. It was from late afternoon Sunday and early evening, to all day Monday. The entire Monday was horrible. So I wondered if it was my parents or my brother or my son and I think it was my son. I couldn't even feel the Holy Spirit almost...it was just sad, weighty, and depressing. I thought maybe someone is trying to use my son for govt. (or other) research. I didn't go to church, but that was okay...I stayed home and prayed a little and did other things. And for the first hour or several hours after 12 noon, it was fine so I knew I didn't feel anything was wrong with what I had chosen to do. But then it was later that afternoon and all day Monday, oppression. I firmly believe it was my son, that he was unhappy and/or people were trying to force him to do things they had no right to do. Notice. My fridge and freezer had also gone out, just quit working so I hadn't been able to buy things I had planned to purchase that day, on Sunday, but that didn't matter and the next day it was working. It was mainly that I knew something was very wrong and someone was doing evil on this day. Then, on Monday, I woke up with the bad feeling and it was all day and then went to bed with the same. On Tuesday, it was much better and only for a couple of hours total. Sort of shifted once or twice. But in general, Tuesday was much better. I woke up to feeling people were praying and I felt prayers. I wonder who was visiting the Avila's late afternoon Sunday and Monday, or if my son was playing alone or what. Was he in school Monday? or at home? It was Sunday to Monday. Anyway, going on to other things. Feel like listening to Whitney Houston vintage gospel and found this. I like her gospel stuff. I think she really felt and believed some of it.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Z_EsWkcs5w

Patty Otterbach Is NOT A Friend--Criminal

I have been told to take down what I wrote about Otterbach or I have to leave. So I'm leaving. I stand by what I said and wrote about her. She is using my parents. Not only that, if she can't come forward to support my parents by confessing to what happened to my mother while my mother went with her to Roseburg, she is a criminal. She knows my parents are tortured and that I've been tortured and is sure not putting up her own blog or going to authorities or the public as a witness, to testify to the truth. I WANT MY SON BACK. I'm not going to get him back by being a fake. Not only that, it's not my parents that want me to leave. I'm being pushed out by the FBI again. At least some people who are in the FBI. Someone instructed my parents to accuse me of all kinds of things this morning, which they don't think or even know. It was one thing after another and I said, "Whoever is telling you these things is NASTY." They were basically repeating some ideas some have tried to slander me with, about my being "proud" or self-righteous and being "bad" at the same time. I said, "As if they know my heart. They think because they read minds they can then use this to slander me and make false claims? they don't know my heart." Finally I said, "If I've done anything wrong it is GOD who will convict me, not anyone else. And if God wants to convict me of something He will. And if God wants to "harden my heart" He will." I know that God knows all things and no one has a right to make something out of me that is wrong. I know they're nasty, whoever they are. So who wants to listen to nasty people. I'm almost 40 years old and have had my life WASTED because of people allowing criminals to act against me, and you have got to be kidding me if I am going to fake and pretend it didn't happen and isn't happening. They have tortured me and my son and I don't care to "fake" that this isn't happening. I want my son returned to me and it's really not up to this "country" to take him at all. They should be returning him and they know it.

The Paper Swan

I wrote about it last night. I didn't take a photo of the paper swan though maybe I should have, but I didn't want to interrupt what was unfolding by getting out the tub to take a photo. So I just figured it is not something I need to photograph. It looked exactly as I described, like a swan. The head snap I descibed, happened so strangely, I think I was a little spooked. The neck and head were white and not touched, it was that the burn on the inside of the paper caused something to shift and then it made the neck then move quickly and make a snapping sound. I have taken a few photos to show the "T" or whatever. It's what someone lasered all over my Dad's back, so I guess they were worried about something. It was the sign of the cross, but more on 3 sides and the fourth one was much shorter. It was a distinct pattern they tortured my Dad over. So anyway,I had my Bible and a history book with me and thought it sort of looked like the "Touchstone" symbol for publishing from Rockefeller Center. But I think the real touchstone is maybe the Bible. ? Actually, I ended up on a lot of passages about that last night. So! This morning I took photos of the "T" or whatever. I say whatever bc who knows, maybe it looks like something else to someone else. And then I wanted something as a backdrop for the paper when I held it up and grabbed a box under my table for a surface and noticed it said on the bottom: WAX. And something with a seal for "Planta Sinaloa" and it says "Temple Inland". I guess I could get a better photo of that seal. Then I took a photo of the Rockefeller symbol but I wanted my Bible in one photo so I brought it over and the computer started to take a photo without my having pressed the button and it was an instinctive reflex so I put my hand up. Then I looked at it, this photo I did not take myself and thought, "It's like the hand, to touch. The touchstone." First I thought it was the hand to protect against intrusion and then I thought it is sort of like putting out a hand to touch someone too. I think most candle wicks burn with the 3 prong but it was all different last night, at different times and then when I was blowing it out it matched the shape of the paper so I photographed that too. I just looked at the box again and it says on the side: "Master's Touch". Last night I read about being a servant and had "maid" soup. I had my maid soup and then ended up reading about how the psalmist says he is the servant and son of a maidservant. Well. Oh, and then this morning, the first thing I opened up was a part of "Who's Who" with someone in mind because this song came on, "If you ever come back/there'll be a light in the hall" so I thought of my son and for some odd reason, Diana's brother Charles. I asked for something about him or his new Canadian wife that I have reservations about and turned to, at random, a photo of a woman that looks like her. It's Rhoda, p. 353, in a section about Peter and then I saw, with my book from Cornelious Ryan next to me, that it describes the conversion of Cornelious. That was random and had nothing to do with the other things, but since it just happened, I wrote about it here. ************* turned to christian radio and he said, "Pray always" (I'm writing now from what he is saying) Pray Boldly, that means talking all the time, overspeaking. It means praying about anything. Even the angels are bold, we pray without arrogance but boldly and with confidence. "Father I thank you for hearing me." Confidence. When Lazarus rose from the dead, they gave thanks to God. If you harden your heart, you don't feel the touch of God. We don't need to pray for those who have hardened their hearts (but can). He who is born of God, Jesus keeps him, and evil does not touch him. Jesus was born again. He came out of light into the darkness of this earth so that we who are born in darkness may be brought to the light. We who are born in Adam, are then brought to light. And we know that the son of God has come and given us understanding. Just turned again to a song, "Turn the lights down low, walk these halls alone....like ships in the night...if it's just you and me trying to find a light... if it all comes crashing to the sea, and it's just you and me...keep passing me by you keep passing me by. like ships in the night. I'll find my way, back to the sun...like ships in the night you keep passing me by ************************ This interesting shift of a song about leave the light on and turn the lights down reminds me of something I sang last night. It was the same kind of thing and I thought about the God of night and God of day, the God to be bold & familiar with and to fear, the God of the dark and of the light, of the hidden and the seen. I sang the song while in the tub, "In his presence" which talks about being in the presence of God and how there is perfect peace with this. "In his presence, there is comfort, in his presence there is peace. When we seek the father's heart, we will find such blessed assurance." So then I told God I'd sing a song from psalsm with this same melody and randomly turned to something. It was about the presence of God and having the fear of God. How everyone ran. Psalm 114. When Israel came out of Egypt, the house of Jacob from a people of foreign tongue, Judah became God's sanctuary, Israel his dominion. The sea looked and fled! the Jordan turned back! the mountains skipped like rams, the hills like lambs. Why was it, O sea, that you fled, O Jordan, that you turned back, you mountains, that you skipped like rams, you hills, like lambs? Tremble, O earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the God of Jacomb, who turned the rock into a pool, the hard rock into springs of water. I felt more of the presence of God with the song I sang about his presence as comfort and peace though. But I thought, it helps to show how there is a time and place for everything. And I don't believe He is just the God of Israel, but the God of all. I believe many people love and revere God and make him happy. christian radio: He who eateth this bread shall not die, but shall live forever. If we walk in the light as he is in the light, the blood of Christ keeps cleansing us of all sin.The cleansing "The Winning Walk" by Ed Young, Know that He is God.

Swan or Crane & Grant Howi's Fund

. I decided to read a book I have for class, and to read the Bible while in the tub so I took the candle that was burning with me. I guess I prayed first and I had my bookbag there with me. I noticed the flame for the candle wasn't typical, appearing sort of 3-d in form with 3 sides or 4 sides actually bc there was a back to it. It was like the diamond cut flame or prism or some kind of jewelry cut. Seriously. And then it waved around a lot so I put two fingers into the wax, one on either side, and it stopped moving and just shone without movement. So then I was looking at the flame and prayed God might maybe show me something. I didn't know what exactly. But I thought even if I'm not gifted, if God is the maker of the universe and I believe in him, He will do whatever he wants. I got the idea then to burn a paper for some reason. I thought why, what would that reveal? and then thought which one? so I reached into my bag and randomly selected a page inside my notebook and then I looked at it. It was a list of things to do or consider with a line in the middle and just a small amount of writing on either side. It had a very short list of major ideas and then on the other side simply "how is this funded?" So I guess my initial idea was to burn it and whatever remained, to consider. So I thought I wouldn't just burn a flat corner and it was half a page, so I crumpled it up into a tight and small ball. Turned it around several times, having no idea what was inside or where writing was. And then I held it over the flame so it lit just a little and I blew it out and let it smolder. I was sitting in the tub of water at the time. It started to go out and I thought I was blowing it out more but instead it kindled a little and there were different shapes in the paper. Then it began to go to the center. I set it down then, as it was only lightly smoldering and couldn't burn anything and it turned into a swan. I thought, maybe it's a crane but it looks much more like a swan. The front part of the ball, facing me, remained white and then two wings on either side, above it, were up and white. The only part that turned to ashes was the top part and center so it was carving out the shape of a swan. It really was. It even had a little beak. A long neck, beak, and two sides of large wings that didn't burn. When it quit smoldering I gently picked it up and blew and the ashes flew out from the middle and left a swan in paper form in my hand. I was looking at it and then I accidentally dropped it and it landed in the tub of water. It landed in the water on the bottom side, with neck and wings upright, but because it bobbed a little, a little bit got wet. I took it out immediately and it was still intact, perfectly, except the water had the beak more obvious. One strange thing that happened, right before it stopped burning, when I had set it down in a corner, was that the little bit of fire caused the neck of the swan to snap. The head snapped to one side, with a sound of snap, two times. It didn't just snap, it moved abruptly that way. Facing me, it snapped to my left, but if you were behind the swan, it snapped to the right. Right after it snapped like that, it stopped burning. The flame was out completely. That's when I had then picked it up and then it dropped into the water. So I decided to carefully unfold it and it unfolded into a T shape. It is a perfectly symmetrical T. Stem and two sides on the top of equal length. T. The edges are slightly curvy from being burned but it's a definite T. So I looked to see where words were. At first I saw absolutely nothing. And then I saw "Grant" and then I had to look and on the other side, "Howis fu" (fu as part of fund). The How and is got stuck together with no space so it reads "Howis" like a man's name. Howies. It doesn't read with a space, as in "How is", it reads, "Howis". If I try hard to make out more of the letters it might be "ch Grant Howis fu". There is a space between ch Grant and Howis fu. But I pretty much read it as "grant Howies fund" in a sense, but wondered if just "fu" means something or what it meant at all. For me, I guess, I have serioualy been thinking of putting together a non-profit and know it's something I'm going to do, so seeing words like grant and thinking about fund makes sense to me. But something else was very weird about it, that didn't seem to have anything to do with ME at all. I thought about my mother dropping the swan they had, or how it was broken somehow and I tried to glue it together or help fix it. I think it was one of the roses that came off but my mother would remember more. It may have been a split. I think I remember a line through the swan. On my paper that turned into a swan, there was a line in the middle. I sort of thought about Edward Howard, former CIA whose neck was broken in 2002 in Russia while he was trying to negotiate something with the U.S. My grandfather died the same time and I don't think it was an accident. I guess seeing the neck snap that way, made me think of it, combined with "howi". But, other associations would be I've had a broken neck? My uncle howard who died who went by "howie" as a kid? my Great Uncle Howie who was killed in Seattle? The paper swan in the water...to a T. I could say it was a crane but cranes wings are a little lower maybe? these ones stayed high and sort of rounded, like a swan. I might have to check to see if there is a difference in paper but it looked like a swan to me, more rounded. The neck was sort of cranish, bc it didn't burn out this spindly neck, but it was long and kind of tilted and had a head with a beak. That's how it burned. After that, I looked at the candle again and noticed one side of the wick is black and the other side of the wick is silver. I bathed in the ashes of the paper swan and didn't care. The ashes dissolved and nothing felt weird about it. So then I read some psalms and different passages and other things stood out to me but the part I thought might mean something to someone, was the part about the swan. I laid the T out onto the ground. I don't usually crumple up paper and watch it burn. I mean, not into a design or form like that. Sort of strange hm? What else is strange, is a few days ago my Dad kept asking me, "How is it funded? Do you know who is funding it?" How is it funded.

sesame seed eggplant marinara

I refered to a soup in my last post that I don't really recommend...it's so-so. But I did make something several weeks ago that was good and I didn't have a recipe, just tried it with a thought and it turned out. It is to roast sesame seeds (hulled) in olive oil in saucepan, then add chopped tomatoes, or sauce, for marinara (I think I used tomatoes) and then simmer, add eggplant (I added it in cubes or a little larger), simmer, salt, and if you want, add habanero cider-salsa. It was very good and the sesame seeds worked really well. I had it over spagetti but I thought another kind of pasta could work. I was also pressed for time one day and sliced eggplant rounds and then basted them with flaxseed "egg" substitute, and then covered with wheat bran. Wasn't sure how wheat bran would turn out but it crisped up and wasn't too odd. It wasn't a real breaded eggplant as I've done years ago, but it's very fast and not too bad. Then add sauce over that.

what my parents can do

They've done a LOT of things in the last few weeks but I didn't write about it. I feel this is partly why we're being tortured. Because some are jealous and want to claim this goes with the territory of being gifted in this way. I think some group wants to take credit for it, so they can come up with excuses later for torture, and then claim torture "works". Today I talked to them for just a few minutes and my Dad said something about "push" or emphasized how I will have to push to make something happen but I knew he was stressing this for some point. So then I was writing online and wouldn't have even noticed, but I looked out the window and the dog was outside so I called him and took him for a walk around the property. I usually never take him past a certain point but I let him go a little further and then walked up to this tree that had a new tag on it, to read it. It said, "Bearing Tree". So first of all, I had no prior plan to walk the dog. I'd already walked for the day. Then, I wasn't looking out the window and didn't even know the dog was let outside. Third, I was in the middle of writing and when I did look out the window, I dropped everything to go outside and take the opportunity to walk him. Fourth, I don't let him go past a specific boundary usually but I let him go a little further that time, while watching. The dog could have peed anywhere, but chose to go over there and I chose to walk over to that spot and then saw the sign. I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't walked up the road far enough. So that is one small example. The reason I decided to write this is because I was doing other things in the kitchen and trying to think of a short short story for my son and then I looked at the soup I'd thrown together and it is the exact EXACT same color, consistency, and everything that my Dad made for dinner at their house, ahead of me. I looked at my saucepan and the contents matched the contents in the saucepan on my parent's stove and same size saucepan too. It was some random thick soup I threw together--not even the best. But it looks exactly like what my parents had. My Dad made a noodle and ground beef dish and it had a red-orange sauce on it. I started out with sesame seeds braising in cilantro paste and then added tomato soup. From there I added a little beets and then put in broccoli flowerettes which look like ground beef covered in sauce like my parents had. Added a little onion and carrots too. So anyway, that's in general and the point is that it boiled down to simmer over vegetables that stick out and looks very much like the hamburger dish. So that's just for a small example. Much bigger things have been done. I feel it's for this reason the U.S. abducted my son. It's why they've allowed it. I think first people wanted to take him from me but then when I bragged about him (not really bragging but shocked at how smart he was) someone got nervous and jealous and tortured him to either ruin or kill him. Then, some other group just wanted to use him. So they knew I would never allow it and they had to take him away from a mother's watchful eye. There was nothing to blackmail me with so they found whoever they thought was most cooperative with their demands. Then they obstructed justice ever since. The reasoning now is, I think, not that it's hate crime but "national interest" and they pretend and try to persuade others that if my parents can do certain things, they want to try to use my son for the same thing.