High Risk Pregnancy

So this is the cause of my mood swings, fatigue, and absent-mindedness: pregnancy.

I wouldn't bring it up except as an explanatory factor, and also because I'm having extreme and severe back pain after standing or walking around for more than 2 hours. My tailbone pain is much worse upon sitting as well.

I had general resolution of all my back injury pain about 6 months ago. I have been waitressing since, and on my feet, not FT, which still begins to hurt my back, but PT, and I was even able to move up to FT time work when I got to D.C., though it was short-lived. I had zero problems waitressing or with any back pain and issues, except tailbone when sitting too long (which is why I don't work sitting, I have standing and walking jobs).

After I became pregnant, after about the first month, my back pain began and it has progressed, over the last few weeks, to where I thought I was going to have to go home. This is my only source of income. It's bad enough where I have to sit, but even sitting doesn't fully help--lying down is better.

It's not normal to have this kind of pain this early in pregnancy, and the uterus isn't even that much larger, but this pain can only be explained by the change in horomones and possible expansion, and either pain from prolapse which is getting worse and will continue to worsen while carrying, or also from the herniated disc. My tailbone is also worse, sometimes even while just standing, I am aware of it.

I went to ER because of this pain, which I'm only taking Tylenol for. I don't want narcotics or any other painkiller, but I need some kind of support belt, and I also believe an MRI is warranted. Initially, however, I wanted to be sure it was a normal pregnancy and not outside the uterus or something, because I never had any back pain until my 6th or 7th month in my first pregnancy.

I am 8 weeks pregnant. So it doesn't make sense that I'm already having pain unless there are structural issues which are unresolved. Or, it's not a normal pregnancy. It didn't feel like a kidney infection at all. That pain was more localized and was different.

I called a nurse from a clinic who said I should go to ER as I can't get into an appointment for this for awhile. She said both an OBGYN intern and an orthopaedic doctor could consult or assist. From the first walk-in,though, the nurse who took me blew me off. I waited 3 hours and finally stepped up and told the registration woman I didn't get the best feeling from the nurse and how far down on the list was I? She looked and said I was way down, and several other people had been put ahead of me. This is despite being high risk, and having atypical (for me) gushes of water so bad it runs through my underwear and down my leg. This also never happened in my first pregnancy.

Even though I am 2 months along, my stomach is also protruding like I'm 4 months, and I assume it's because of the horomones relaxing support and because of my separated stomach muscle problem.

I had a few pubic bone pains, but they were normal for this. What isn't normal, is the extreme back pain after standing or walking much.

When I finally got in, there was no intern or ortho guy. It was a regular ER doctor who kept trying to convince ME I shouldn't be having back pain and that she doubted it was related to "3 year old fractures". I told her, first of all, they're only 2 years old, and secondly, I'd just told her my tailbone was not just "fractured" and then healed up--it is DISPLACED which means it never healed back together and never will, and it HURTS. It's at an odd angle besides.

Also, she totally dismissed the herniated disc. She said plenty of people have herniated discs (but she was trying to say I shouldn't have more pain NOW?) and in pregnancy too. I told her I didn't have pain before, but I was having problems now, and it concerned me that it was so early in the game, because I knew it is NOT normal. Then, she said she would only do an MRI if I had numbness in my toes or bladder problems. I reminded her how I WAS having bladder problems and she said well that was just incontinence and I reminded her, no, it was observed that my bladder will NOT empty more than halfway, and the only cause of this could be nerve compression, caused by a herniated disc or vertebrae fracture, and this things already showed up on diagnostics.

She kept going on with the doubt. She said why didn't any doctor do anything about it then? And she said, why did I wait "2 years" to do anything? I told her it WAS weird, and that it happened in a small town and I DID try to get diagnostics and the doctors were trying to cover it up.

I have always had need for a thorough MRI and not one would do this, much less even give me a SIMPLE X-RAY. I told her how I had to go out of the area to get even an X-ray. Not wanting to get into how I was then blacklisted by Wenatchee doctors, to facilities whereEVER I went, I dropped it. Not only that, I was slandered to the HMOs, both of the ones which have contracts with the state, which means I cannot get objective diagnostics ANYWHERE in Washington State, and I've already proved I tried.

How am I supposed to explain to her, that I should have had diagnostics long ago, but they kept trying to get inbetween them? And that for the last 6-8 months I've been forced out of stable conditions to fighting for my son, and trying to find people who will HELP me and my son?

So this doctor just expressed doubt, because for some reason she cannot imagine COVER YOUR ASS behavior by an entire group of medical professionals, and then she went on to ask me about 20 questions about my LIVING standards and where I worked. Why the hell does it matter where I work and what I do for work, Ma'am, when you're supposed to be interested in my body and health, and that of this child I choose to keep? It was one big socioeconomic run-down, and included questions as to whether my other child was currently living with me.

She was going to order only a sonogram and blood and urine tests. They took more than one vial of blood and they claimed it was only for urinary tract infection and CBC, but I would bet money they tested me for drugs too. Because this doctor, at the end, was ready to let me leave and said the results came back fine, and then I asked her, "So I'm not positive for a tract infection and my CBC is fine?" and then she said she was still waiting on results. Obviously, there are no drugs in my system, or I'd be written up and detained. I have never been a drug addict of any kind, and I've never been an alcoholic either. Period. I didn't "abuse" substances either, until AFTER they took my son AWAY from me, and then it was only pot for migraines and it works. Fortunately for me, I'm not having migraines as much now that I'm pregnant, this time around, so that completely eliminates the need for using pot.

Actually, while I know I need an MRI, because I am NOT okay, I am fine with what the ER doctor did, in general. At least the sonogram eliminated other sources for the pain. I don't have an ectopic pregnancy or anything weird going on. So, process of elimination. I have all blood within normal ranges and the urine test is fine.

They did an ultrasound which showed everything was fine, I'm told. And she did an internal exam, but I'm still concerned about the amount of watery discharge coming out in gushes (and it's not urine), and then I'm having incontinence on top of that, but that's different. I wasn't examined while I'm standing up, where you can really evaluate prolapse, but I suppose an OBGYN will do this.

I am very concerned about my spine and other structures, because if it's bad now, it's only going to get worse. It needs to be evaluated by an orthopaedic and MRI.

X-rays and CTs are harmful in pregnancy, but MRI is not.

I also didn't like the fact this ER doctor kept trying to correct me when I didn't need to be corrected. I told her a diagnostic showed my bladder was only half empty and I couldn't process the information to empty it all the way, and I saw it on either CT or MRI or something. She kept scoffing, saying you couldn't see a bladder on either of these diagnostics. Which is obviously not true, and she kept saying "2 years ago" or "3 years ago" and I had that bladder problem show up ONE YEAR AFTER delivery. I was still having problems and it was never resolved. That's about the same time I had the X-rays which showed the herniated disc or broken vertebrae.

I was told I would be high risk if I got pregnant again, even in trying to carry, because certain "walls", I was told, were very thin now, plus prolapse, plus I later found out why I was having some of the pain after delivery--spine fractures and tailbone displacement.

I'm not claiming my fractured pelvis is hurting right now, which has probably healed, even if I still have pubic bone separation. It's my back, and I don't appreciate being told "it doesn't make sense" when it damn well does.

So I got home and looked up problems online, and there is a TON of information about how herniated discs, just one, can cause severe pain and problems in very early pregnancy, as early as 6 weeks. I also read about prolapse and it's also a problem in pregnancy.

For me to have pain now, even though it's this early, IS understandable, but I AM concerned, because I didn't think it would start so early. Obviously, my structure is whacked, thanks to Wenatchee, and it's already affecting my work when I shouldn't be having problems.

I'm going to copy a couple articles about horomones and what they do to the spine and disc herniation.

I've had a LOT of people, including medical people, almost suggest I terminate. Because it will be too hard on my body, or on me, but that's not an option for me.

I believe it's for a reason, and it may also be my last chance to have a baby, because I don't see how I was even able to get pregnant to begin with. I wasn't even having periods, for over 8 months. The only normal period I had, was the one gushing one right after I was in Canada, and then they just started to taper away to nothing. I believe I'm in pre-menopause, which is highly abnormal for me and for the women in my family.

Also, I got pregnant at a time I shouldn't have been ovulating, right after my so-called period. I really shouldn't have been able to get pregnant, but I did.

I know the exact date and who the father is. It was October 2, 2008. The identity of the father is private, at least at this point.

I am concerned about CPS and what they've done with my son and what they will try to do with this one. I believe any disability or inability to work will be used against me. I am not currently on state aid, and I refuse to go on assistance even though it might help financially, because of what they've done and the trauma they put me through. Not only that, I don't need to contribute to their paycheck. I do not support CPS in any way, shape, or form, or social services for that matter, after seeing what they've done and how they abuse the system. Therefore, if there is any way to avoid contributing to their funding, I am avoiding it.

I also believe people should start brainstorming ideas on how to get rid of CPS. Crime should be investigated by police, and anything besides crimes, should have evidence, hard evidence. CPS should not be held without accountability either.

These people just don't deserve the people they claim to be helping and supporting. The only people being supported are the employees of the state who make their living off of this system. I believe funds should be diverted away, or that very strong controls and checks and balances need to be enacted, to protect families.

My only other concern, is how my son will adjust to a sibling. There is no child that can EVER replace another. For me, at least, it is impossible. This pregnancy, in NO WAY, alleviates the suffering I feel for my son. NO ONE will ever replace him, period. When parents have even 4 or more children, and one dies, and people think, "well, they have 3 others"--it doesn't have anything to do with that. I now know how it is possible to have love for more than one child, and how each child is unique and different and cannot replace the other.

I know my son is very social and would love being a helper. I think he should have a comrade anyway. I know I am capable of raising my children so that they know they are loved equally and this is the best way to prevent rivalry and encourage them to be bonded.

As for being unmarried, who fucking gives a shit except CPS types and people like Sarah Palin? No one should jump into marriage to satisfy society and conform to the mainstreams idea of what a "family" should look like. There are plenty of nuclear families that are dysfunctional and don't look like families at all.

But, if I have to look at marriage as a strategy, and I have a willing partner in crime, would I do it? I can honestly say I would.

I know God knows ME. God also knows what's real and what's fake. If I have to fight criminals who are holding my son hostage by appearing a certain way, if I don't have to sacrifice certain other things, I'd do it just for my children and then get divorced. Parents stay together "for the children" and yet don't sleep together. Why would it be wrong to marry just to create the very semblance and appearance of the white picket fence that CPS types want so badly? Gays have had to do this for decades. Fake it, because of discrimination and prejudice.

NO, I'm not marrying the father of the child and there are concerns there anyway. But I believe a person can have integrity and still use a means to an end, when the system is corrupt and provides no other way out.

Anyway, yeah, I've had some pretty drastic mood swings. Then I went to a forum site and laughed at all the stories of pregnant women with them. It's biological and you can't help it. I didn't know why in the world I teared up AT WORK a couple of times, when I keep all personal stuff in check and out of professional business, and then I found out.

I knew, actually, right away. I somehow knew, against reason, that I had conceived on that night. It was the strangest thing. It's the only possible night anyway, but I knew besides. At the time too, I sort of thought I was maybe falling in love. But...NOPE!

Cured.

As for the father, he wanted me to have an abortion but I wouldn't. He doesn't care what I do one way or the other and isn't invested. He also doesn't care if I leave the country either.

I'm not giving up any child I have, for adoption. Period. And anyone who even THINKS about it, should think twice, because I will NEVER LEAVE YOUR FUCKING SIDE. I do not give up, and my children are worth fighting for, more than anything else. Anyone who screws with me on that level, will just bring themselves a major headache and worldwide publicity. I wouldn't wish myself on anyone, except two lovely babies
who know "the real me". There is nothing wrong, at ALL, with being a single mother. A single parent that is happy and prepared, and knows about child development and nurturing, is ten times better than a dual-parent family with in-fighting.

I am an excellent mother and fully prepared to make a way, despite my physical disabilities, which are HARDLY my fault.

Oh, noted--no huge breasts this time around. I wondered why they haven't changed as much and then I read the biggest difference is in first-time pregnancies.