Ken

I talked to this guy but didn't tell him the truth about everything. He asks a lot of questions and has been at the cafe when I'm there.

He asked a lot of questions about the Colombians and how I felt about Exxon and why I was thinking of marrying and just the whole deal.

He also asked other questions, about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with anything before. This is the psych guy who is a pastor.

I just feel slightly uncomfortable with someone coming up to me, with a million questions. He seems nice, but he doesn't know me AT ALL and I feel the kinds of questions he's asking are a little suspect.

Exxon said he's not marrying me unless I love him and unless there is the possibility to grwo closer together.

So, that was good to hear, and he told me this last night.

I seriously question some of the things going on, but you know what, I actually question people like "Ken" MORE. I mean, maybe I shouldn't, and he seems nice and straight up in a lot of ways but what does he need this information for?

If I seem back and forth, it's because I'm testing the waters as much as anyone else. I can write whatever I want and mean whatever I want and it's my life and my choice and no one should base anything on what I WRITE.

You cannot peg someone a certain way by their writings. You need to get to know that person, and people who are artists write all over the board.

If anyone questions anything I write, instead of asking me questions just out of the blue like an interrogatory, someone should spend time with me and get to know me on a very personal level, like, working with me over time or being my friend over time.

You cannot expect someone like me to give you everything straight, in a blog, when I've been screwed and when people use the information I give, against me and this has at least happened in the past.

So you have to get to know me.

I do not believe in even "psych evals" on a clinical basis. It's bullshit. People can make up all kinds of things and have "good days" and bad days and a few hours of analysis based on what comes out of someone's mouth isn't sufficient. You can't judge someone, as a psychologist, after talking to someone for even 20 hours, better than someone who has lived with that person and knows them intimately as a friend for months, who has no personal agenda.

Anyone who knows me and knows the kinds of people who have come into my life, to pull me one way and then another, should have faith in me and trust me. I don't need doubters in my life who claim they want to "help" me. Those people are not listening to me and what I'm saying and what has been going on.

I do not know.

It just seems like I wouldn't be in this situation right now, if anyone was pulling for me. It seems like someone would be coming out of the woodwork.

I actually started feeling prayers and a good energy about an hour ago, at around 10 a.m. Like something wasn't there and now it is.

My images I write from my heart, but sometimes I make stuff up or write from the perspective of another person. Usually though, I'm writing sincerely. But how does anyone know that this last sentence, that I just wrote, is true unless they speak to me about it and know I'm not putting out a disclaimer or outlier?

You can get a feel for someone by their writing certaintly.

But how do you know you know someone unless you speak to them, at length, for a long time? I have written a lot of truth in my posts, most of it is truth, but to know for sure which parts are right or not, someone needs to know me for longer than a few hours or days.

So far, no one I've ever lived with or worked with, has thought I had an impairment mentally. I work fine with others and I live with others in harmony, in general. I really, really, like "Your Love" by the Outfield.

It's so weird, this vibe stuff. I swear to God, I sometimes think it's someone coming into town or close to me and then when I feel the heaviness vibe they're moving away. Sometimes I think it's just prayers. I haven't felt that very dangerous vibe for awhile, where I was really worried someone was in serious danger. It's been the heaviness thing and then the uplifting or whatever. I swear to God though, it has to be something to do with someone in particular or their work or SOMETHING. It's the strangest thing. If it is someone in particular, I am meant to know and be with that person. I think it's a man. Sometimes I think it's some weird world situation though. Like, a hostage situation or something is happening. I don't know. It's just weird.

I don't have anything against this guy Ken though, he seems nice and maybe just checking some things out. But it's a little nerve wracking when someone is asking you, more than once, and trying to confirm whetehr or not you've been in a psych ward. ?!!!???!!! Right?! Maybe he's just checking to be sure, for someone else, or for himself, I don't know. But the answer, people, and this is the truth: NO. I have not been in a psych ward. Thanks but no thanks to that. I think Ken likes me though. I hope he knows I'm not a weird-o, well, weird-o but not psych-o.

Some of the stranger things I've noticed, is, for example, when I left the house awhile ago and I went to the