Forgiveness for Alvaro and His Group

In the last week, while Alvaro was still here, I saw a couple of people from old days, who started going to my church about the time I was meeting or had already been involved with the monks. I saw two different men. One who has been writing in to my blog and another who was also new and, I later felt, some were actually catholic, like Christa S. had been, and just interested in what I was doing.

I think it was all about running me into the ground for daring doubt or question the dogma stuff about Mary. Some people, if they can't kill for or over religion, will do anything but.

I think they believed they were sanctioned or something. What's a little strange is how the one priest was praying next to us when I first went out with Alvaro and his buddies. Why? Because he knew what the set up was from the start? Some of the priests do know things. I'm sure some felt sorry for me. I know for a fact that a couple of Alvaros friends and even by-relation or marriage relatives felt sorry for me. I'm not going to name them because I don't want them to get into trouble.

But I know and I appreciate them for their kindness and for having a heart and sort of sticking up for me or standing in for me, when they knew what was going on. Thank you from MY heart.

I called Alvaro and left a message that said I had known most of what was going on, all along, but let it continue, and said a few things I had not known for sure until later, but, I told him, I knew he was paid and he was part of a large group of people who had done these things to me, and I told him that knowing all of this, I forgave him. I said too, that I prayed for mercy for him.

I need to apologize to the U.S. workers too, because it wasn't "the U.S.". It was some select people in the U.S., like Steve Blum, who were asserting that the Catholic church was more powerful than the U.S. government and telling me not to make them mad.

I don't believe I've ever done anything to deserve all the harassment and stalking and harm that's been done to me and my son. I've questioned things and I've asked that individuals be accountable. But I never went to lengths most of these people wanted to go to, in targeting a person out of hatred. It is truly sadism, I believe, and I can't hold onto that kind of issue. I feel sorry for those who would want to form such a group for this purpose.

Alvaro had been talking about wanting to go to a Protestant christian church with me at one point and there were a couple of times I think he questioned himself, his own motives, and the group he followed. He knows I looked out for him in more than one way and that while I may not have been totally honest about everything, he knows I was trying to help him break free of what I believed was some kind of mafia.

I wondered about the colors red, white, and black, and just wonder if it's not the colors for Knights of Colombus or something. And who knows, maybe the "colombians" have a special connection to that group? I have absolutely no idea.

I think Alvaro had to push himself to sleep around to try to forget about me. I just know when all is said and done, he hurt himself more than he hurt me. I don't know how to say it, but while he had hatred for me that he tried to conceal, which I still noted, he was in love with me in his own way which was twisted out of necessity. If anyone thought there was anything "romeo and juliet" at all, it wasn't me, but maybe him, for thinking it was the cappulets against...what? me, because I was a protestant?

What's really strange, is that a lot of Irish Catholics were concerned for me. Not all maybe, but some came out of the woodwork, somehow knowing what was going on. I had others as well, in D.C., who were warning me. I guess they were afraid to be too bold or say their names because they were afraid of what could happen to them. But there are tons of very good intel people and they were looking out for me. I don't think it's just Catholicism when it comes down to it though. Some want to hate me just because. And some, from various religions, try to form alliances for certain things. Who knows, because I said I wanted to fight corporate crime and that NO church, jewish, protestant, muslim, or catholic, should be sheltered from having to report child abuse?

Also, this all happened while the fetus of my baby from Dabney was in the funeral home and I was saying I might want to have it tested for what happened with all the malfunctioning equipment.

I think some just hoped they could sink me once and for all. What they didn't know, was that I had good relations with a lot of catholic people in my neighborhood, we were just all neighbors. But they tried to keep me from getting diagnostics and clearing my name about the harassment thing, and while my injuries prevented me from clearing up the phoney harassment deal, I got further proof, in diagnostics, of what was wrong with me, even though Alvaro was there to try to influence the outcome, and wanted to know where I was going first and he was always making a phone call to soemone before we left.

Why did he have to call people every time before I had to go to the hospital or clinic?

And then, I did a drug eval, and there was no proof I was drug seeking at all, but Alvaro wanted to pipe up and say he didn't think I should use narcotics at ER. He purposefully said something that made it sound weird, but the woman also saw my history and knew, with medical records, that I could easily prove I had not once been drug seeking, because I've always weaned myself from them after the pain is gone and I've only had them for pain and had serious incidents for using them. So she was shocked when she noticed. But I still have to give her more info.

At any rate...If it's Knights of Colombus and that's the 'gang', then I wonder at the knight's helmet's above the snakeskin in my bedroom. Sorry, but that has been a very pronounced symbol in the antagonism against me--that I would dare to challenge the fact that the Catholic church is not "infallible" and never should have proclaimed itself so, in the early 1900s, because they put themselves in a position of not being able to be wrong, ever. So everything that might turn up wrong, if it was pronounced under "ex cathedra", is going to result in a massive cover up so there is not loss of faith and fortune with the church. And power, I guess.

Is it such a big deal? that it was Christ who crushed the head of the serpent? rather than Mary? Why hinge so much upon it? The worst part of all is that all this time and energy has gone into persecuting ME, when all I did was point out an obvious flaw which the Catholic chuch doesn't want brought to light.

It really shouldn't power. Faith doesn't depend on the fallacy of man, and I'm sorry, but God Himself never appears in person and hands tablets of Moses to a pope everytime He thinks he wants to "reveal" something new.

Butterflies. So funny about the butterfly.

It's too bad. But that's what the church is worried about. They've lost people to other faiths, and if a major foundational stone shows up faulty, it's a lot of loss. It's a major loss.

I think the snakeskin on my wall says it all.

It's a big deal to these people. These people have, seriously, even "sleeper" agnets or members of their church they put into action to defend the church. Which results in pay outs and indulgences I'm sure. But I'm also sure some of the priests and religious know...

Well, they have a better understanding of what God is about, and faith. They don't feel so paranoid about making mistakes that they have to terrorize others who simply point them out.

I think, really, that some of these people just wanted to continue to punish me and thought they'd really trip me out with a mind game. The problem for them was that I was onto them. If it makes them feel better, or made them feel better, more power to them. If it helps them to heal themselves and whatever wounds they think I inflicted on them or mary or their church, fine. But I know they wanted to see me suffer more. They wanted me to lose my son. If I could have married Alvaro it would have satisfied their desire for a serious mind trip. Also, he would have been able to turn it around and divorce me claiming I was nuts or making something up, or, if they wanted, as he was trying to get me to pray all the Catholic prayers, he could have been trying to convert me and get access to my son. He was certaintly willing to have me in prison, or some of his friends were. I hope that someday Alvaro will find forgiveness for himself for what he did and that he sees the light.