HRH said she felt her job was to get me out of my head. That I was too much of a thinker or something.
I don't know what's wrong with being introspective and a thinker. I enjoy it. I like to get out and go out too, but there is a lot to think about, analyze, and write about.
Can I get credit sometime? Could I just get credit for not being OCD or having something wrong with me, but just being a natural thinker and writer? Do I have to work for a newspaper to get credit? I feel I'm a journalist and a kind of columnist. Of sorts.
I have all these women trying to get me to have one-night stands or something. Men too. Saying that's how you rebound. But I "bounded" just fine, and I don't feel "better" just going out there and dating in that sense.
Sure, if it's there, everyday, but then, I've got some control too. I'm not impulsive. My mind rules my body until my mind gives my body the go-ahead.
Who the HELL could say I'm fucking "bipolar"? I don't have one impulsive bone in my body. What people don't get is that I can do improv and if I am forced to fly, I will fucking fly. I'm not going to do the expected thing and sink into the mud when push comes to shove. If a situation requires drastic action and I don't have the usual means for making something "work", I'm going to find a fucking way to make it work. It's not impulse. It's strategy and the ability to put thought into instant and emergency action. It's called brains. It's called "highly adaptable". If anything, it has ever mark for proving there is not anything wrong with me. Not many people can withstand the pressures I've been under and be thrown out of a window so many times, only to leave others surprised that I again landed on my feet.
My position, financially, has nothing to do with me or my choices. It has to do with being in multiple car accidents and having injuries that I can't do anything about and no "husband" which is, I guess, the U.S. idea of social security.
Fuck that.
If it comes down to it and I need to use the way the system is set up, I may consider it for strategy, but that's it. I have people trying to screw with my opportunities and frame me for a particular "job" and while I spend time dodging the fucking balls thrown at me, I am not "owned" by anyone.
Anyway, no, I've not slept with anyone since Alvaro. Because I don't need to just do that to feel better about myself or my situation. I would feel worse about myself, not better.
As for other ways of getting "out of my head"...I don't know. Sailing would be fun but we'll see. One thing I liked which got me out of my head...well, sort of, was windsurfing. Actually, if you're doing it, it's still using your mind. You are thinking about wind direction and what to do. But it's focusing thought on one thing instead of other ideas. So it's a kind of a mind-break.
At any rate, some people relax or enjoy doing things that are active and can't imagine writing all the time, and thinking about things. People like Michelle Erickson, who watches a lot of movies. I don't know. It's normal to go to gramma's cabin and watch a movie and just eat and kick back. I lay out in the sun now and then. But I there are things to do and things to think about. And if I'm thinking, I want to be writing about what new ideas I have. Number one, it's historical documentation and everyone should do it. Who writes history? you do. And you are in charge of writing your own personal history if you don't want others to write about it, or to have the final say. It's also good for future generations. Some people write privately and that's just as good. But if I choose to write in a public way, there's nothing wrong with it.
I think these psychologists for the state don't want to take me on, for the very reason that I am able to articulate what I want and they typically want to go with what the state wants, and yet...then you've got me. They know their reputation is on the line if I'm writing and they know I'll write about them and what they say. A good psychologist wouldn't be concerned. But this is the best way to weed out the bad ones.
Like snoopdog's "shiznit." I could definitely dance to this.
LOL. I went to the bathroom here and this guy who came in, another intellectual type, sat at my desk and I asked if he'd watch my things for a moment. ----------
OH No. I got a "day old" pastry and thought it had an almond filling because there were almonds on the top. But No. No. no. sigh. It's fucking APPLE filling.
I HATE APPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So anyway, I went to the bathroom and came out and said to him, "You know, that's cool. That shower!" because there is a shower in the bathroom. He laughed and said it was a nice feature. I laughed and said, "Yeah! I mean, I just came in from a small town with dust on my heels, and it's great!" He looked at me and laughing with eyebrows raised, said, "Oh! You turned it on?" and I said, no and he actually thought I'd tried turning a knob. I told him they should put a shelf in there with a bunch of towels and a sign that says $1 for a towel and a 5 minute limit on taking up the bathroom for a shower.
This is an older house in Ballard so that's why there's a shower. I laughed so hard because this guy really thought I'd tried it out or something. What do I look like anyway?
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