"12" Stroke of Midnight

I have a bunch of ridiculous people, in the last few weeks, bringing up the number 12 and stroke of midnight and cinderella shit. The monitor too. Then laying out a newspaper with 12 on a jersey and the title "a dream killer". i think that some people have far too active imaginations.

i suspect they believe there was something going on that is not going to happen now, due to circumstances perhaps, which some feel they created.

i'm not the one imagining these things. What I know, is that if anyone ever did think there was ever something in the periphery, they would be all over it to shoot it down. i'm not into lotto or playing by chance.

if someone is interested in me, and I don't care who it is, they go about things the normal way and with independence and enough strength and confidence to make up their own mind and defy the demands of others, if it means enough.

there is no dream killer other than that of not having my son, and even if something is temporarily terminated, it is not going to last.

i feel sorry for what some have to go through who are in very public positions and i also feel sorry for the kind of manipulation and deceipt they have to guard against.

i don't believe enough people get to be tried and tested, under great pressure, at least not the kind of pressures i've been under so long, and which i wouldn't wish upon anyone.

you do what you want to do with your life or you don't. you are free when you are happy and not confined to conform just because people tell you to.

if i had been easily influenced or was trying to get ahead, i would have jumped up on the ladder people were pushing me to all along. but first of all, there were very serious questions, and secondly, i have chosen to be free and try to do things honestly and on my own, despite all of the pressure and i think, in the end, respect wins out over money and social status.

i am not saying everyone admires my ways, at all, but for me personally, i have peace in knowing i have integrity.

i'm not giving up on my son, and i'm not taking short cuts either. i am doing everything in my power to get done what needs to be done, and if i spin my wheels, so what, i spin my wheels and still my son will know one day if not sooner than later.

i also have lined up things for the future which i should have done before, and they may be slow to come, but there is a lot of mess on a lot of hands, which will be coming down the pipeline shortly.

i don't need cowards in my life right now. if people want to stay off to the side or keep a distance for their own reasons or because they see what's happening to me, that's fine. stay to the side.

i have absoluley no regrets except for one. i should have left with my son earlier. i should have basically flown out of this country after my son was born and never tried to make it work with him here.

and then i could have kept him and cleared my name from another country, and after what some of the officials did in B.C., it really probably wouldn't have been B.C. i would have gone someplace else.

THAT, is my ONLY regret in my entire life. oh, and i guess that I should have filed for some things earlier, but that's about it.

in the long run, the race doesn't go to the rabbit but the turtle i suppose, if one is diligent, and those who use others for personal gain or the gain of a group, are soon discovered and found out.

at the least, i'm trustworthy, generous, not a social climber, and i have my independence, freedom, and self respect in living life my way.

those who have set me up to fall, will be set up themselves and discovered for what they've done. what i feel sorry about, is that some will find out too late and then they will be trapped.

i have a couple of things to figure out about a few military guys and then once that's done, my defense is pretty tight. i have a lot of FOIA to get besides.

even if, imagine, even if my rights to my son are terminated, that will do nothing about the civil suits i am able to file and the human rights complaints i can submit to international communities.

it also does nothing for the reputation of some in government or legal positions. by the time i'm done, a few intelligence agencies may be under fire as well.

and yes, i have to get the webstream going, and no, i don't believe mr. army man psychiatrist is going to do me any favors.

he came along just as my ex was going out and they wanted HIM here for a reason.

He doesn't even believe in psychic gifts.

so there is absolutely NO way this guy is going to know what he's dealing with. he's clueless from the start, and a skeptic, and that's exactly what someone wanted.

i'm not going to be medicated for any reason. none whatsoever. the people who have done this to me and my son are the ones who need medication. i'm getting the PET scan.