good energy

i have sensed, in general, fairly steady energy. It's been really nice, not the moments of harassment, but someone is doing okay. it has basically felt...just steady...I haven't had moments of really strong sadness very often or a fear or dangerous feeling even though bad things were happening with me, i could still tell something in the world was okay. i don't know what, but something was. tonight i have a really strong sense of prayer, people praying for me or a natural strong positive energy. I can tell when it's real and me, and when it's my computer overheating and afffecting my body.

in general, in spite of all these horrible things going on, and my moments of blurting out things in my anger and frustration, and i shouldn't have said bad things about all of wenatchee, because there ARE some good people here, but hopefully people can relate to those moments when you want to lump even a minority in with the majority or the group you've been having to deal with.

but in spite of this, i've felt a very constant or steady and full sense of being. sort of an inexplicable sense of very powerful peace and surity. Something feels very solid.

Yes, all these other things were happening, but inbetween these moments where I knew God knew everything, and knew what was going on, I think I felt a strength from just knowing this--that I am covered and my son will be even if others harm him, that God is going to take care of it. i don't have time to spend time wallowing or crying. I've cried a few times, but really not so much and more than anything, have stayed focused on getting my son back, even from appeal if necessary.

I am also NOT going to let anyone, not anyone, label me as mentally ill. I do not have any mental disability that keeps me from working. Not at all. I guess, I'm not going to allow anyone to try to invalidate all that my son and I have been through.

So I stay strong and focused on that. On my son and loving him and fighting for him even when I've been blocked from almost every possible avenue and any kind of income.
I can still pull it together to get small amounts of money and eventually, more, and be able to make my own as well.

I like this song...maybe not in love with the melody but the lyrics, "What Fiath Can Do" by Kutless. It's not original at all, but it is how I feel. I feel optimistic. So I guess I feel surprised to have anyone ask if I'm okay right now, because there is nothing anyone can do to me or my son that will shake my faith in God or, I hope God, your faith in me!