music (show me the way--styx) and other & police collusion with state?

crazy night. I have to document the rest but got back to place and sat and had a drink and thought, "Ummm..." I am STRESSED out.

I feel like, I don't know what's going on bc I was so "crazy" and nutso and supposedly still am, sort of, but as soon as papers for termination were filed, the police stopped showing up in 2s. They told me in the past it took 2 of them because they were afraid of me and I had "mental issues". now, all of a sudden, it's just a 1 person arrival so I don't know why. Because now there is even LESS threat because they think I'm certifiably nuts? so they don't need a witness? or is it that they are working with the state to flip it around--first claiming I'm so nuts I can't be a parent and then to avoid discrimination against mental illness, claiming there is nothing wrong with me and my civil rights have never been violated?

Just give me my son people. It's that easy. And it really is, that simple. I am not even fucking kidding.

It would be shocking perhaps, after all of this, but do you know what would be so slick and easy, would be to hand my son back over to me, whether I'm on TANF temporarily or unemployment or whatever, regardless. Instead, I've been discriminated against on even federal housing while waiting for my unemployment so it makes it look bad, like I don't even have a place.

What would be easier on everyone, is backing off and just doing the right thing and returning my son and instead of having fear for various reasons or vendettas, just thinking, "you know what, when people treat her decently, she tends to leave everyone alone and be really nice and generous too." And what's the problem with my kid? My kid needs to be raised by other people who don't understand him or devote to him as I do?

I have been seeing all these kids lately, parents bringing them in, and I feel very connected to them, or I guess, my heart goes out to them. I might be an ass to the parents if they're harassing me, but I am very good with kids, and I even tend to be nicer than I should be with some adults.

I feel, especially with children, that while I may not bring out the best in every adult, it's the opposite with kids. I am very attuned and intuitive with them, no matter whose kids they are. I pick up on stuff. And I want the best for them.

Why is it that there are these ogres who find it impossible to do the same, just the bare minimum, in being respectful of a mother's rights?

I bring up a rape and who goes after me? it's not even the people I would think. It's the fucking white people with their clubby-sometimes minority back-up. I don't know who is glossing over for who anymore. It doesn't matter, race, entirely, but in some ways, there are differences and then again not. But there are different cultures with different philosophies and they handle things in different ways and sometimes have different connections, so yes, when I get the technology crap against me and my son, I wonder about exactly who is giving out orders.

I got home and out of the blue, the song "Show Me The Way" came to mind. The Peter Frampton song came up but that wasn't it. Not the right melody but I haven't heard this song for over a decade and it randomly came to mind. Never in my life saw the video and pulled it up and look!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXf2PbEPQ-Y

I thought it was interesting there was a little boy in it, bc it made me think of my son. But I have no idea why this came to mind. Then later, I got a name: Jack. And then another one: Kenny. But I don't know why I got those names at all. I don't know either a Jack or a Kenny. So anyway, maybe God does. It's not my favorite song or style and I hear it now and still don't love it but for some reason it just came to my mind.

I am going to write about the other stuff tomorrow morning maybe bc I'm tired. I have more to add but right now I'm tired.
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UPDATE:

I woke up this morning wondering about "Jack" and "Kenny". I wondered if they were kids, old pals of my Dad's or coworkers or someone on the other side of country or even world. I don't know but just the names came to my mind in that moment.

Then I thought about Philip Thebault. Not for any particular reason, except that I thought, this morning, that the boy reminded me of Philip when I took care of him and sibs. He was in mind this morning, thinking about the way the overalls were on this kid in the music video.

I know that I thought it was so weird, to one time look him up (just did once, a couple years ago when I first was writing stuff out to try to find help to untangle what had been going on or figure out source or have someone help me with it)...and he had a small bio but it was amazing bc it sounded just like him. I had written just a couple small pieces about him in a diary and what I thought he was good at, and he ended up being all these things. My impressions or intuition about was right even when I with them a short time...which is when I still think sometimes that I could maybe be good at guiding children or helping them recognize their unique strengths and talents.