Praying Still & Hotchkiss Homie

I need to delete those last posts. They're rude and I had a beer because no one would treat me with Valium, which was more appropriate. So I drank a fast beer and shouldn't have blogged. One of those Tilt 8% beers. All I ate all day was a few almonds, a couple of chocolate raisins, and sesame seed crackers.

I sat around forever, waiting for a bus and then I don't know that what happened was good or not. Maybe I should have just gone with the Officer because maybe she knew there were no more buses. The poster for the schedule was outdated.

I question, because instead this guy calls me a loser and I'm calling him a garden boy and then I'm wanting to sing "yo mama don't dance and yo daddy don't rock and roll" after I'd had that beer. I walked away and that song kept coming to my mind. Terrible. Like "Yo mama's got thighs like the hills of montana" (Not funny) and then "YO mama makes fried chicken like..." I swear, that guy started it and was really rude and I just lost it. But understandable after what literally happened, and while I laugh about things and joke, I was sobbing in the bathroom because I knew God alone knows what we have been through and it's not anything to laugh at. My son has suffered immensely and I have as well and it's not funny, at all. The things that I have had to see and my son has been through are things no child should go through. And it was out of this heart, and despair, that I prayed to God.

I don't think this is funny either. I bought a Car Wash toy for my son and this woman with a group of boys came over and stood across the street (now), holding up a Car Wash sign when there is no car wash. (7:55 p.m.) Now they've left. I don't and didn't, think it was funny.

So I was waiting around for the bus and then had to call someone and ended up at, of all places, the Judge's homies house.

I didn't knock on different doors. I went up to the courthouse because I thought I had to wait at a bus station over THERE maybe, to get back, and so I was sitting there and thought, "This schedule is from 2008 and there is no bus." So I had to find out and get back and I walked past some houses and mainly went to the one that had the most cars in front so it looked like someone was home.

I knocked, and their Dad answered, after their kid did first, and I was sitting there and using the phone when the mother came around the corner and almost dropped a pan and eyes bugged out. I thought to myself, "I guess she knows me somehow and is surprised I'm here." So then I am in the car and he gave me a ride and is waving peace to all these police officers (after saying he was worried bc police were behind him ?) and then he tells me, in the car, that his wife is a clerk next to the Judge's offices. I said, finally, "So which Judge?" and he said, "Hotchkiss".

I said, "Are you serious? No wonder why your wife looked at me like that! He said, yeah she works next door to him." I said, "I got the impression he's on anti-depressants but not bc he mentioned it, it just came to mind." And then I said, "And I would also like to know if he had a steak for dinner last night because I saw him eating a steak." Here I was praying during the hearing and I get an image of Hotchkiss eating steak.

Thanks God. That really helps my case.

When I was in the bathroom, this young man's face came to mind. It wasn't a usual one. He sort of looked like a young Philip Thebeau. I am not sure how old, but I saw the face. At least teens, but maybe up to age 30, but younger somehow and I saw this shocked or disappointed look, something like on my side and shocked about what was happening. The man's (or boys) mouth was open slightly and I saw this brown hair, dark,and bigger brown eyes and the only person I could think of, who he SORT of reminded me of, was someone who looked like Philip! It was very weird. For me to get that face at that moment seemed strange to me but that's what I got. I sort of think Philip would look older now though, so maybe it was a younger guy who resembled him. I don't know. If it wasn't him when he was younger or something, I don't know who the kid was. He looked sort of half Italian almost and sort of tan maybe but light skinned too. Hard to describe. He had more of a Philip look than a Dave Clark look. I mean, dark hair and eyes, but I don't know to describe it. I don't know why he would come to mind unless someone was sending it to me.

What I cared about, was my family and my Dad, because of what my Dad has been through too, and I know he's tried to help out and with my son and it's been almost impossible.

We were driving and a few guys went by who looked like they were crying and I hate that because I know weird things are going on and I always wonder who is being affected. Some looked like fakers but a few looked real.

Th is one guy said, "What made you stop at our house?" and I said, "I don't know. It looked like someone was home and had all this weird stuff everywhere, like a big balloon and an ice-cream truck and stuff.

I actually crossed the street, not seeing this huge weird balloon and when I saw the BALLOON I almost changed my mind. It made me wonder what the hell kind of thing was going on there. Did I want to knock on the door of the house with the big ice cream machine and the huge hot air balloon place? Kind of weird. But I did anyway because there were more vehicles there than anywhere else. Hot air balloon, ice cream truck, cars, trucks, and all in close proximity to eachother. I DID take a step back though and think "What the hell" and "I don't know about that." But maybe I figured it was so weird, maybe THEY wouldn't call the cops on me at least and think I was the one who was weird.

But I feel badly because someone not very good happened today.

I didn't get to hear testimony against me by this one monitor, and I know if she was under oath, I could have gotten the truth out of her. Anne, I don't think so. But the other one, even as much as she LIED, I know I could have gotten truth from her if I tried.

We also passed someone who was biking up a long hill with heavy bags and the guy said he felt sorry for him, "8 more miles" and I didn't know what I thought about that. I said, "Maybe that guy is very noble and willing to carry a lot of heavy things for someone." I said that that guy might be the one who was like Jesus, and how did I know? and the other guy said no, it was probably the opposite but I said I didn't know.

I mean, some people have it easy in a good car and other people walk and bike long distances for someone or something they love. It made me think of this.

The guy who gave me a ride was funny, in general. We cracked a few jokes and for some reason I referred to some wanting me to be a "Banshee on the Benches" as a homeless woman. I kept coming up with all these creative sayings and ideas. It was the Tilt.

Anyway, I have a headache that I think is almost going migraine and I need some Valium.