Safe House: Comments on Edward Lee Victor Howard's Book

I am making this title for this post to draw attention to my previous post where I am constantly updating it, so it's not the one before this one but 2 back.

I am finding this is a major reason the U.S. has so desperately tried to call me mentally ill, because they have done such horrific things to me, and didn't kill me, and as soon as they got Howard and my Grandpa out of the way, they thought they were safe.

I realize the idea that I am actually Edward Howard's biological child sounds nuts.  For one thing, anyone would think how would that even be possible, including me.  I look at logistics, which are on the surface and think, he was in Colombia and my mother is in Washington state, and aside from IVF, it looks impossible.  However, there is more than one "Dicksie-Dael" which means one could be in one place with another in another place, and the fact that is not published in his book (which the CIA censored) and in most places, is that he came back to the U.S. and was living in the U.S. at the time I would have been conceived (9 months back approximate to the day of my birth).  Another example of something that is a fact which he did not include in his book and which the CIA possibly censored, is his full name.  He put "Victor" in hiding, and only used Edward Lee Howard when his full name was Edward Lee Victor Howard.  My middle name means "victory" and if I was in "hiding" (as a Russian woman asked me in Wenatchee, WA), it stands to reason the CIA and he were possibly trying to avoid any connections.

I don't know if E.L.V.H. actually knew how many people knew about me.  One thing I find very disturbing is that when he was first interviewed by the CIA, two men talked to him and he mentions one of them fingered a pocket knife the entire time.  I have scars from being cut and the idea that the CIA was using a pocket knife for some kind of symbolism, is sick.  It makes me wonder if they intimidated and threatened him into joining or if he even knew what was being done to me, or had been done.

Another thing I wonder about is my Grandpa Baird, who, whenever I mentioned "my Dad", would shake his head side to side and say under his breath, "...Your Dad...(and then shakes his head back and forth--side to side, from left to right and then looking down)".  I never knew why he did this.

I'll write (update) that other post I've referred to tomorrow but I'm really tired.

I tried going to bed early and my knees were hurting too bad and I had to get up, take 2 otcs, and write because I was thinking about things.  Lately something is being done to my knees and I had thought it was only when I mentioned eating garlic and onions or blood thinning things but I haven't for the last few days, at all, and they still really hurt.  I suppose maybe alcohol could thin my blood but I haven't been drinking a lot, though I had a couple drinks last night.  I don't think it should affect me tonight, but I don't know.

I don't have money to test for the hemophilia right now and I already know I have a form of it.  I'd like to have it done for my son, but in the meantime, this is it.

I really feel like I need a country to relocate to, but I don't want to be pushed from this country to just be eagerly used by their operatives in another country.  These people (Americans) have spent way too much time trying to read my mind and predict what I do and "read" or try to read even things I read or people I talk to and I don't like the idea of being "primed" and forced to leave just so they can attempt to try out their psychic espionage skills in another target country.  I'm also not "political" in the sense that, I think the U.S. should stand for what they stand for, but when it comes down to it, I am not looking for a country whose "politics" match mine but a country that is not going to torture me.  When a country like the U.S. tortures their citizens, and claims to be the best in the world, you realize politics and theory don't mean anything. 

I am also becoming very disturbed with the idea about Josh Gatov raping me and then the murders of my Grandpa Garrett and Edward Howard and comments made around them.  It's turning into a nightmare to discover how horrific the crimes of the U.S. really are.  For example, he wanted to take me to see a Stanly Kubrick movie about angels.  In his book, E.Lee Howard talks about standing up or standing down and that kind of thing and I think of the Stan-lee part of the name and then about how my Dad said my Grandpa Garrett must have thought it was an "angel singing" when I sang to my Grandpa as he was dying, but then Kyle Flick, a Jew, who looks like Edward Howard in some earlier photos, made a point of repeating this, saying that when I sang at a wedding for my cousin Rani and Jason (another name for Jason is "Josh"), "I thought it was an angel singing".  Then, my mother bursting into tears.  It's just getting weirder, and looking more malicious and disturbing the more I find out.

Regardless, I still want to know exactly "how bad it is" and since someone in Seattle thought they knew, there must be others who could tell me or let me know somehow and I hope someone does.

Nonetheless, I read about "Jarmillo", Howard's Mexican mother and keep thinking, "No, I'm not Mexican.  I'm Mexican?  It can't be true."  I can't even begin to believe or get past any kind of shock to accept that I am anything but the genealogy I've thought I was, even if I somehow believe it is possible I'm E.H's biological kid, or was, before my name was changed or I was adopted or whatever.