TTSOML #71: Diagnosis of PTSD

I would take something back. While there is no "disorder" and has never been some kind of mental health problem to speak of, other than specific anxiety or depression for natural and normal reasons, I DO agree, and had a counselor agree as well, that I have a mild form of PTSD, which, she said, was directly attributable to what I had been through with the Mt. Angel Abbey and their lawyers.

She said it wasn't a personality disorder, or anything biological, but that it was circumstantial and the direct result of things they'd done, which she believed were terrible and would affect anyone, regardless of how normal and sane someone was. She said, more than anything, that after they'd done all these things, it was remarkable how I'd "held up" and that most wouldn't fare as well.

She also said she believed it was situational PTSD and that it wasn't lasting. She never felt it interferred with my parenting, in any way. Additionally, I didn't have any of the more dramatic trademarks, like flashbacks or hallucintions or nightmares. I have more avoidance issues instead, in that I avoid what triggers memories of what happened, and procrastinate having to deal with it--which is probably why it's difficult for me to stay on task about the TTSOML posts. That's my main symptom. She said I didn't have paranoia or anything because one cannot be clinically "paranoid" over having worry, anxiety, or fear about things which are actually TRUE and have taken place. Paranoia is the absolutely irrational and unreasonable "fear" and mine is not this.

She said once I was removed from everything, she felt there would be no "problems" because the thing was that it was always present and didn't allow recovery when I was constantly having to deal with it. And, it is true that I still haven't had a break from it because one thing led to another, which is what I want to explain with the TTSOMLs.

She felt that although I'd gone through different things in life, it was clear that the source of damages was the entire affair with the Mt. Angel Abbey. I know this is true, because there was nothing before that indicated anything wrong with me at all. It all happened after they harassed me, and especially, tried to use police against me. They did this for years, and this was what was shocking and how I incurred the most damages, I believe. I couldn't accept the fact that anyone would be so dishonest or cruel, to "save themselves". It wasn't even to do this--they were "safe enough" and yet they intentionally sought to punish me and make me pay.

As my "Archdiocese lawyer" said, "There is a lot of hostility towards you." Hate, and/or jealousy, makes people do horrible things. They were not satisfied until they felt they could damage my reputation permanently, and harm me and my son.