I just talked to my grandmother, "Granny", we call her, for almost a half hour. It was a good chat. She is the only one I have a desire to see well-off in the family. We have our disagreements, but she and I have always had a special bond. I had to reassure her not to worry about my salvation and that I was fine with God and not going to hell.
She almost started to cry, bringing it up. So I told her, the only one who would really know where I'm at and what I've been through, is the One who matters. I let her know many people have the same terrible thoughts and black moments I have, but they simply don't publish them for the world to read. It's not documented. So I told her, I'm the same, it's just that now I document a moment and it comes to represent, falsely, my entire existence, but it's actually only a moment. I write on the fly, and I don't deliberate much. Often, unfortunately, when I'm stressed or upset, I write.
My latest about my aunt, and her OCD and sex drive, IS, I know, horrid. Pretty much though, I don't care who you are--you fuck with my son or my rights as a mother, and you will get the sharp end of my pen, and...I guess, tongue.
For some reason, Beau Blixseth comes to mind. Despite his being a dog in his own way, he has his charms. I can at least sympathize with his family's disapproval over the things he says, and has said, but at least he doesn't blog. I know many people who have an acid tongue, and who use this as their primary weapon of choice. It doesn't mean someone is a bad person. It means, rather, that they probably will never resort to some darker form of revenge. At least it's all out in the open and on the table.
So, I let Granny know, things are okay with me and God and I told her she shouldn't worry and that most of the things people say about me are so untrue to begin with. That IS the truth.
Well, after this, and talking about how we care for eachother and letting her know I hope she's okay health-wise, she talked about how she has the fish that used to be in our house. My grandparents took the fish and the kitten/cat that I and my son had with us in the house. The fish appears to be fine.
The cat went missing. What I found interesting, is something Granny told me. She described my cat as having "hocked" legs. I can't remember the exact term. She said it's a label from her days when she bred Shelties. They DID have our cat, and this was the same cat that was FREAKING out when I and my son were having the bizarre pains. The cat went through it too and had these crazy aggressive mood swings and would flinch if her back was touched. There was NOTHING different about her legs, at ALL, but it appears, that after my grandmother had this cat for awhile, its legs were "hocked" so it "walked funny" said Granny tonight.
Then, she says, it just disappeared. I started thinking, this cat could have been examined or proven whether there was damage to the cat, me, and my son. I remember the ONLY time I had relief, or my son had relief, when this was happening, was when we were submerged in the tub. For some reason, water seemed to block the effects. It was a dramatic change. And the thing is, is if it were some kind of "wave" that water can block or doesn't pass as easily through water, maybe this is why the cat's legs became deformed but the fish was fine?
Why did the cat disappear?
I know my grandmother takes very good care of animals and she said it was really happy to be there. She said it wasn't aggressive at all. She said it would walk with its funny walk, with the hocked legs and its tail curled up. She said the tail was usually kinked, but I asked what she meant and she said like a hook, but that sounds normal. The legs thing doesn't sound normal. The cat was already almost an adult cat by the time we left. There's no reason its legs should have become hocked later.
I do know that this cat seemed to be in extreme pain and couldn't stand to be touched when we were having all the strange pain symptoms, and she would tear through the house and get super aggressive and start trying to bite if you touched her. No animal has ever acted like this around me and it was very "moody" . She was generally an extremely sweet and loving cat and this is what Granny remembers as well.
I sort of wish we still had the cat. It would have been easier, maybe, to get a sample from a cat, than from a human being. Maybe. I don't know.
I know this taxi driver who told me about radiation and loss of period from radiation told me the following: he said, first it's extreme and excruciating pain, and then the periods stop and the woman will go into early abnormal "menopause" and that after this, within a few years, cervical cancer develops because these rays usually target the pelvic region. He said it comes up looking like it's caused by an STD, but it's not. It just affects a woman's fertile organs and unless someone knows what's happened, this is what it "looks" like or is assumed to be. He says usually the woman will develop a severe case of cancer within 5 years.
That is what this guy told me, who was taking me home from the hospital when all these things were going on. I have no idea how he knew all this stuff, but he's the one who brought it up mainly. He said Russia used this technology first, and then other countries followed suit and that now there is much more advanced technology.
I kid you not, this is the truth. I should probably make this a TTSOML post just so it is part of the story.
Anyway, I wish I knew what happened to that cat. I will make my next post about what happened with the Oregon State Bar and filing my lawsuits next.
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