Today I had thought I might buy raspberries, but I wanted to pay for things to my family first, even though the investment of raspberries will pay more in the future. It can wait a short while, and I looked up lots of ideas on the soil.
For example, I wanted to figure out how to ammend or work out clay soil and found out potatoes do this. Potatoes are used to break up clay and prepare it. I am not sure when I'd do this, but I am firm with my plans for the raspberry patch.
Someone gave me a thing with seeds on it that you stick in the ground and I turned it down. It had a bad feeling to it. I am not just planting "whatever" in my garden. And these were "forget-me-nots" and this is not a sentimental garden, it's a victory garden. I intend to keep it that way.
So what I have now, will be good for some food, and then to till under for compost for raspberries. It's an organic garden and I'm not putting manure in it either. Manure is excellent for gardens, but that's not what I'm putting in this one.
So I will have the raspberries in for sure, and I would have done it today, but instead I decided to pay for some family things first.
I sort of thought maybe I was letting someone down but didn't know who. I thought maybe someone is really counting on this being a day that I go out and do this, but I did what I felt God would bless. I think God blesses faith and also commitments to family. It takes more faith to wait a short time than it does to rush and have faith it will all turn out. I already knew it would turn out. If I had done what I wanted to do today, I would have successful starts. But instead, I thought about it and felt God would bless this.
I feel like someone is very sad tonight though.
Anyway, I have no idea where these "forget-me-nots" came from, but I didn't feel they were from my Dad, even though he's the one who gave it to me, and I didn't feel it is suitable for what I am doing. Forget who not?
Don't forget me? Don't forget my son? That would be stating the obvious. Why would I need to state the obvious? If I don't forget others that I love, why would I need to make a statement of putting "forget me nots" in my garden? and I'm not going anywhere either, so it's not like I want to leave "forget-me-nots" in the garden for Cameo Loree Garrett.
I don't forget my son, ever. I don't forget my parents. I don't forget my brother. I don't forget God.
Other mothers may forget their children, but not me. I am bonded to my son and this bond has never been broken.
It has never been broken by CPS or the FBI or CIA or any of the assholes who have tried to break the bond.
And I really don't care if someone looks down on my financial considerations, as if I am short-sighted when I'm not.
I don't care who looks down on a class I might take that for the first time in my life, looks like a 'trade' class. If I want to take it, and feel I need it and that it is a definite boost to my plans, then I really don't care what any Ivy school thinks about it. I also don't care that Eastern Oregon University assholes pissed and pooped all over me, when they took my money to provide a decent service and failed to do so. They don't deserve the money they received by the Department of Education and I hope their college begins to flounder and fails ultimately. They ruined my GPA with what they did, but if they need to feel "special" because they're NOT, well, let's give them that satisfaction, shall we?
What they've done does not dim the light or cloud up for those who are actually intelligent, what the truth is. So if it fools a few, that's fine. If they feel better about themselves, let them feel like they are on top of the world. As for the rest of us, who have discernment, like it or not, the slip is showing.
I am accountable to God. If God likes my plan, then that's what I aim for. God will bless my plans when they are for good for my family. That doesn't mean I do whatever my family thinks is best, like be a nurse or do something like that. It means, if I want to stay home and have to choose from other courses than I would typically take, when I know it's not safe right now, then so be it.
Eastern Oregon University should be sued actually. Not by me, but if someone with money wants to sue them, that would be what they deserve and Colleen Cascio and her family should be sued personally along with Annette in the Registrars offices. Laura Moore in financial aid, also failed to take her responsibilies and handle them without causing an undue hardship. People like Annette and Laura came across as polite and professional and yet the entire time they are the foundations that are using others and encouraging others to rock the boat and try to throw me over the edge.
God will do what he wants with people like that. I think this is what has pissed these kinds of people off the most--what bothers them most is that they try so hard to upset me, and it makes them mad when it's not as easy as they hoped for.
I think since they know it is impossible for them to shake my own self-confidence, they settle, like settlers do, for trying to shake my reputation.
If I want to take one 'trade school' style course, because there is nothing else that's being offered that fits my double-major objectives, how is this less intelligent than taking on a trade like nursing?
I know what I thought about nursing when I had a nurse live with me. "No thank you." If there was any kind of nursing I would be interested in, it's Nurse Practioner which is like being a doctor. You prescribe things and diagnose things. I've never lied about having an interest in nursing potentially, but if I aspire to do more than that, why not? I'm an artistic person who, if pushed to have a trade job, is more interested in high-pay than low.
And why rain on my parade with some "forget-me-nots" as if it's the end of the world if I have no interest in doing what others try to force me to do, only with intentions of keeping me low, keeping me at minimum wages, and "out of their way".
Forget it. I'll, um, never be "out of the way."
I've never aspired for a low-paying job or one that's administrative, and I've never aspired to do something I'm not really interested in. If I do something that I both like, am good at, and make a lot of money at, I'm going for the money because assholes have stolen from me for too long.
And, I'm going for the money independently, which I've always done, and I find it odd that some of the people who are the biggest haters are totally dependent on others for all their support. They want me to be like them. Married. Partnering. Selling out. Most of the same people who try to keep me down are the biggest sell-outs, rich or not. They will sell out to anyone, and it bothers them to no end that they can't drag me to their low-level.
So, basically, take heart out there, you who aspire to do more. There are a few of us left.
My son must be returned to me, and I make the same demand with the FBI now that I have for 5 years. It will not get easier for you if you do not investigate judicial felonies and corruption and return my child.
Cutting off my college career was a crime. That was deliberate obstruction of justice and grounds for RICO right there.
What has happened since, is I've been tortured and then while torturing me, people have attempted to force and push me to take short-cuts. They have never wanted me to do what they knew I could accomplish.
So they cut me off from a track of success and kept after me using every illegal and criminal method possible. They directly involved state-sponsored torture against me. Then, all they wanted to do, was cut down my ability or prospects of having something solid, that I worked torwards, by trying to force me to take short-cuts that made them all feel better about themselves. If it wasn't to feel better about themselves for being sell-outs, it was also to cut off my potential.
"Get married". Why? so they benefit from it. Not me, and not my son. They wanted to point to a man and have that man controlling me. That man, Pardo, is a criminal. He is a criminal just like his FBI friends are who tortured my son and then attempted to use this for their own agenda.
"Be a nurse" because now they've cut my time back, they try to force me to be a nurse. Or, knowing how badly they could be sued for all they have, for a decade of RICO criminal acts against me, they want me to be an elementary school teacher.
Why?
Because both jobs pay about $30,000 a year.
They're not worried about my being older now, and tortured, and then ekeing out a living of $30,000 a year. I would have no law degree to sue them with. No medical degree to make money with. And no sufficient annual income to pay for a lawyer or firm to do it for me. I don't even think they cared if I went a medical route. They cared if I was going to law school or had an English Lit degree to go there with.
All they do is count their overhead cost on how to stay out of jail and not get haueled by ME.
They don't want me to pursue artistic goals on the side either, because, I guess, if I should happen to accidentally attract someone's interest, they don't want it to be from someone who likes culture and art because that might translate into being a man with more money than someone who goes for the teacher-nurse type.
Every single thing done to me, is to prevent me from being both autonomous and having money at the same time. Why? Because they are afraid of what I would do with both my retained independence and money both.
So they have two options:
1. Control me (through a man, or circumstances),
2. Keep me out of money (ruin my GPA or any chances of success at getting ahead).
That's what "fear" smells like.
"Fear" smells like FBI offices and RICO courthouses. They fear me. If they didn't fear me, they wouldn't torture me and my son and commit crimes against us.
What do they fear? Violence from me? Not at all. All that they fear, is my success, which is really sort of...
Strange.
I have been prevented from being a surrogate mother and making between $25,000-$50,000 3 different times in the last couple of years, most recently when I was in Coquille. The military began torturing me again the minute I started making contacts about it.
My case for my son was not over, and they didn't want me to be in a position of receiving money of that amount, and being indendent still, and using that money to prove my case, liberate myself, and have him returned to me. They don't care about my "health" and they have no moral opinion about whether they like the idea or not. All they care about, is that I might have more money than they want me to have, in time to do something about their crimes. Of course they know I can't carry a child for someone else if I'm being tortured. They torture me to prevent me from being successful, period.
Fear. They reek of fear.
After preventing me from being a surrogate, which I have no moral problem with, whereas I DO have a problem giving away my own DNA and eggs to someone, they then stall on my entrance into college to give them time to extract my son from me.
Permanently.
The FBI offices smell like fear. They reek of fear. The CIA reeks of fear. The Pentagon is giving up a stench like dead bodies--of fear. They have people in their system and running the courts who are controlled by mobsters that have nothing to fear but fear itself, and yet they fear me.
"Stay in that bed or we'll electrocute you." That is fear. That is keeping a human being in-line the way you do an animal. Obstruction of justice is the same method of trying to edge out any kind of normal healthy competition or diligence, through fear.
I was doing okay until Lorraine Rose feared me. Her fear led to my rape.
The exact same groups that feared me years ago, and tried to push me in other directions, fear me now. Not as much, because they got most of what they wanted. They're winding down. They put in all their money and effort and got what they want and all they do now is torture for maintenance. They try to keep me out of money still, and any chance to make it by ruining my success. The only paths they want me to be on are to dead-end jobs, low-paying and time-consuming trade jobs that make about $30,000 a year, or to be married or controlled by someone who will control me and extinguish my ability to prove any case against them.
I believe Patty Otterbach knows the Roses.
I hope Kate Middleton is divorced simply because I know Lorraine Rose was involved with people who tortured my family to support hers. I don't care about William. I know that on every principal, the Middletons should be ousted. I'm not sure about Camilla anymore either. And the Canadian woman who married Spencer. Camilla I didn't like bc of Diana's feelings, and then I sort of felt sorry for her. But it's more who is backing her that might be criminal. As for Harry, I've never thought he was on my side for any reason. I had some impression that there was a red-haired detractor, whether it was him or Charles Spencer. Some of the people I imagined might be decent, you find out more and end up shocked to discover who is really behind it all. I also wonder why this "Jo" died that was friends with William. Was she a threat to Middleton? I wonder how many women he's been interested in that have died or been tortured or banned already. If someone even thought for a minute he was emotionally or physically attracted to "Jo", they might have worried more would evolve if they both continued on their course. Kate is a snake in the grass.
Like all the rich ones in SUVs laughing and excited and following as I was taken to a psych ward where they already knew what would happen to me there. They knew ahead of time. It was planned ahead of time just like my and my son's entrance to Canada.
When I've seen Catholic Judges committing hate crime, it's usually on a community-Catholic front. When it's Jewish Judges, it's to cover up and conceal moves they made by trying to think ahead and put up obstacles that will prevent my discovery or appeal. They don't want me to know what they've done with my mother.
This country, and this includes FBI, is responsible for everything from torture to obstruction of justice, to holding me hostage in my own country, to false arrests and imprisonments, entrapment attempts, and even closing my bank accounts.
Middletons are responsible for getting into my personal business and taking photos that don't belong to them,given to them by friends in the U.S.
Bill O'Reilly, is shockingly not in jail.
Whenever the heat is on his Catholic-Irish Judge friends, he takes it out on his show with inuendoes and insults he knows my Dad will understand. The man is a criminal. He said tonight, that he'd never smoked marijuana in his life. That doesn't eliminate use of other drugs. And what was his point? knowing that his criminal friends are involved in torturing my son, and illegally conspiring to have him kept from me, he wants to bring up marijuana? as if, bc I later smoked once, that gave CPS or Judges an excuse to slash throats, and torture people? To, as Ryan did, steal clothing from my bags, and hospital tags that proved some hispanics were trying to intimidate me with mafia talk? Is that the excuse? The excuse is that his Boston Irish "marine" pal in Wenatchee, who gave my stolen belongings to hispanics waiting, was justified? That I lied or something when I said I never smoked it in my life, when I never had, in my life, and a lab result from CWH came up with TLC when I'd never smoked it ever? Or was it to eliminate risk for why Pardo's first step was to have my hair cut off to protect the FBI and others from slandering me as having smoked marijuana or taken drugs when they KNEW a hair sample would prove them liars.
Is it his men in the little rub a dub dub rowboats coming through to torture us? Or was it his sick friends hooked into N. Ireland gangs that first got Dempsey involved to torture me and my son in the first place, for worrying about "ulsters".
I am positive O'Reilly is somehow connected to Judge Gerald Warren and some other Irish Judges, because of his passive-aggressive use of his show to threaten and intimidate and rub things in, and his use of thugs whenever he's worried about his guys getting caught.
I am shocked he is not in jail already.
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