This ended up being one HUGE birthday. Everyone, on Wednesday, had their birthday this day, or knew someone who was having their birthday that day. I couldn't believe it. I met about 7 or more peole whose birthdays were July 1st. I was told, "There's nothing else to do in Wenatchee in October." Even the lawyer I talked to was having her birthday. And my housemate. And my neighbor's relative. And I met some goodlooking Canadians on motorbikes the day before who said July 1st was Canada Day. I asked them why they'd come into Wenatchee for Canada Day. I ran into, or noticed, a lot of nice people this day.
Also, the visit with my son was great and the music we heard while visiting was interesting. You should have seen the look on my son's face. He is really into music and he will stop and tells ME to stop singing so he can listen and he'll start thinking and trying to figure the music out. He gets really still and quiet and listens. He got quiet listening to "True Colors" after I said there was a song about colors on, right after he was talking about the colors of the crayons. So he was interested in this phenomenon. Then, he LOVED Elton John's "Candle in the Wind." He got very quiet and I wondered if he recognized it from somewhere. This was the only song he really focused on, other than when I said the other one was about colors. I guess he was sporting a little British tribute to Diana maybe, haha, his shorts that he wore that day had the British flag on them. Oh, well, maybe it would be wales for her, I don't know.
So my visit with Oliver that day went really well. First we played hide and seek and then he wanted to do the spider walk with me and then on his own. He did a little coloring and said he was drawing a rainbow. He drew a rainbow right after hearing or while still hearing "True Colors" where she sings "like a rainbow". So Oliver got a crayon out and drew a rainbow and it was in an arch, and he said, "It's a rainbow". Oh, what's weird, now that I think about it, is that I made the same motion I saw in my image a day or two earlier. I had my fingers together in the middle and then I moved them out into the arch of a rainbow, left and right hand. But, after I wrote my image, I saw more of a man or boy untying a big bow and bringing it undone with arms stretching left to right. When I made the rainbow it was from the middle and then in an arch not straight out to the sides. I told Oliver it was "a rainbow day" because even his yogurt that day was called "Rainbow Yogurt".
Then he was really quiet for almost the whole duration of Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" and I started to think maybe he will end up liking Elton John. I wonder if he recognizes the voice from "Circle of Life", and, actually, I think that song came on too!
Then, out of the blue, I hadn't brought up any imagination games but Oliver stood and pointed to the opposite wall and said, "Bees!!!!!!" He said there was a whole big group of bees coming torwards him. I actually think he might be a really actor. He acted like he really truly saw bees and did the whole suprise thing really well. He said "ooh! scary!" and then looked at me with a smile and said...OH, now that I think about it, he said something about bees after we did the spider game and then he said something about a bee and I had one crawling on his arm with my fingers. Then he said they were nice and going to their house to make a lot of honey, just for him. He made hand motions of how they all swarmed back into their house. It was really cute.
He repeatedly kissed me and wanted to snuggle and be wrapped up and close to me. One thing bothered me but I will keep it to myself. He showed signs of acting out a little bit, from maybe abuse...reacting when I gave him a hug from behind and saying "No jacket!" and acting afraid and hitting. I wondered if some kid or someone had done something to him that was traumatic which this motion sparked his memory about. Then, all he wanted to do was cuddle and kiss me. He said he wanted to see me everyday and "tomorrow" and I tried explaining I was doing my best to make this happen and he nodded. He really, really, wants more time with me. I explained to him why I hadn't been there Monday, that I tried to get there but didn't have a ride afterall and he understood. I asked the monitor if she'd documented all this and she said yes, about how he is repeatedly asking for more time and wanting to stay with me and saying so.
So then I showed him a calendar again of when he'd see me next, and i said after church day, but this time, I explained it was the DAY AFTER church, not right after CHURCH itself. I began to wonder if he'd acted out when he was taken from church because the week before I told Oliver I would see him right after "church". So he may have remembered this and thought he was going to see me after the church service and got really upset when he was taken away and he was expecting or wanting to see me. It is possible he fought against the carseat and harmed himself because of this. He has an exceptional memory and if his mother told him she'd see him after church, he would believe this. So this time, I told him it wasn't right after church service, but would be the next day and that he would go to sleep on church day and then it would be Monday and we'd see eachother again and he seemed to understand.
However, he could be acting out, just being put in a carseat and restrained, as he was similarly afraid to have me give him a hug from behind, thinking I was going to put a jacket on him and I don't know if someone was...I just don't know. I know my son's behavior is indicative of some kind of abuse and it didn't come from me nor did my son have these kinds of reactions or odd marks on his body, when he was in my care. So it's troubling. I have not heard an explanation for the severe marks, or "scratch" and bruising on Oliver's face either. The state did nothing, and the doctor he went to said and did nothing.
I write this post to document the visit but I'm not writing about personal things in this blog anymore, yet I feel it's important to write about how there was all this talk about "bees" and then I meet this former Chelan cop who...I don't know. I feel some of our visitation information is being leaked to people who shouldn't have the information. I didn't talk about my visit with anyone and after my visits with my son, I constantly have people in Wenatchee coming out of the woodwork making a big point about showing me or givng me something that is directly connected to things my son focused on at the visit.
What are the odds of getting an "orange star flower" plant the same afternoon my son talks about this kind of flower being on my shirt? well in advance of "mother's day"? And then on the visitation day my son focused on bees and honeybees in particular, there is a huge honeybee on the cover of a magazine on the passenger seat?
I don't know what I'm supposed to think but I do not believe any visitation materials or other things should be loaded onto state computers for the, evidentally, whole world, or all of Washington state employees to see. I mean, yeah,, I write about it later, but people are getting information before I say a thing and I don't know how. I really think this isn't appropriate and is shabby. I have had a lot of state workers or employees or people who know others, from Wenatchee, doing things like this. Giving me misinformation too, and just screwing with me. Why go to the trouble? No one who is trying to be friendly does things like this.
I guess the other thing he mentioned, was he wanted me to sing Christmas songs. Oliver LOVES Christmas songs. Anything to do with Christmas which may be because the state removed him from his mother after his last very happy memory with her, which was at Christmastime. We sang and played and had our tree and I took him to Christmas concerts. Then, the state took him from me, without cause. My son has that memory firmly in his mind. I gave him little jingle bells to shake all the time and sang "Jingle Bells" with him. He still loves this song to this day.
I felt a good energy the last two mornings but not this morning. I feel something is wrong, maybe with my son this morning and that he needs me. I think it's mother's intuition. Today, my coffee cup from Starbucks has the saying The Way I See It #36, "Mother-love is not inevitable. The good mother is a great artist er creating beauty out of chaos." Alice Randall.
I just want the Avilas to watch over and protect my son until I'm with him and keep my son from harm and anyone who would try to restrain him, dump him into a room or shut him out, or hurt him, and just love him and give him the affection he needs and play time one-on-one. I am imploring everyone to please help me and my son, in any way that you can, to bring us together as soon as possible.
I suppose my last concern is that I missed a UA or two, but I realized this morning, even though the state worker said she refuses to let me take it the next day (the drug people say other workers let their clients do this but mine won't for me)...I realized I have every right to have hair analysis done to prove I am not a substance abuser and that I was not using drugs the days I missed UAs because I was traumatized from seeing marks on my son's body. The whole point is not to show "this woman knows how to get to the center with or without transportation" nor is it an exercise in "following directions". The POINT of "random UAs" is to monitor and find out whether there is a substance abuse issue.
This question can very easily and MORE RELIABLY be solved with hair analysis.
So this is what I must do, to show I didn't miss UAs because they were "dirty" but only because I couldn't get to the center in time, for whatever reason.
I still have old samples of hair too, that shows I didn't use drugs prior to CPS's removal of my son, but I suppose I can't prove it's hair from right before. Whoever got my car, which I was forced to abandon in Canada, can very easily obtain hair samples. My hair is in that hair and I had samples sealed in a bag as well, for analysis, and my and my son's nail clippings for analysis of some sort of environmental damage, and whoever got my car, has this evidence.
As for my periods ending, it's not because I'm pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I began having problems with my periods quitting altogether when my son and I started having multiple health issues, which I documented. I never had any sign of problem until I had a whole host of other problems, along with my son and even our cat, and then it was resolved temporarily in Canada, but something had already affected me and Oliver. It affected my memory and periods and health and affected Oliver's speech. It had nothing to do with lack of nutrition or well-being because of anything I was doing wrong, nor was I mentally ill. There was something environmental which caused our problems and that's it.
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