I have been confused a little bit, about whether it is better to quit blogging altogether, publicly, or whether I should just blog about nice, boring, innocuous things of everyday life, or only reserve this site for posting information that is of public interest, OR to write only when there is an act of corruption that I come across in this area. Finally, there is my evidence and some things which I could upload or not but I'm saving this right now, for my attorney to decide on with me. I've kept some documentation in reserve.
I have also recently thrown out some things which I later took down, because I obtained a lot of information by doing so when people began to talk more and I got wind of it.
I honestly am not back-and-forth or impulsive as much as I am simply confused. And it's not mental confusion of one day this, next day that, as it is about whole strategy and why some people want me to write about "butterflies and puppies" and then others tell me to quit altogether, and even more think it's important to write about important things, like Hanford.
So I talked to someone who is outside of this whole thing and she said no one can tell to quit writing. She said no one can take or keep your kid from you because you write about things they don't like either. She said, maybe not write about others, but just about the basic things like cleaning and cooking and meeting people and what is good in my life.
I still feel confused though...If things are happening to my son, and it's not really a "scratch" but no one has been listening to me and the state tells all and writes out that I'm delusional...shouldn't I let others know? to protect myself and my son? I would NOT write about my son publicly at ALL, if I didn't feel we were getting nowhere with people who are supposed to care about his best interests.
I don't think it's strange that I should be confused on this matter. I've heard so many different things and I've received so much pressure, on all sides, and I just don't know how to be true to myself and serve the public interest as I would like to, and yet also protect myself and my son from slander and corruption but PLEASE the state and those who did wrong to us to begin with!
This last woman told me to keep writing. I wonder what my family thinks now, about my writing. They thought I should quit when I was in severe pain and writing about what was happening to me and Oliver. Then I said I can't quit on THAT note and sound like a total nut. So then I kept writing and my mother said, "Well, lately, you sound normal..." and I said, "Yeah! because we're not in extreme pain like I told you we were when I was trying to write then. It stopped. And if I'm so mentally ill, why did the 'symptoms' quit when I was then under even more severe stress with my son removed from me, no job, and no housing, and jailed besides?" I explained to her, what I was describing then was very real and it wasn't a breakdown because breakdowns don't "improve" under even MORE extreme stress.
I mean, can you all help me a little bit? What do YOU think? I mean, given all the obstacles and my whole situation, when is the right time to quit? and for what reason? and what should I include or not include in order to please the right people but still protect myself and my son? I truly do not know, and I hear this and then that, and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing right now exactly.
If I DID know, I would have a strategy and follow it to the "T" but I honestly am confused. I'm confused!
I don't know if I should just be charming and funny and make people laugh, and joke around, or if I should be the domestic goddess type, or if I can still advocate for public interest causes, or when to speak up about corruption and when to please those who are not listening. I'm not just one-dimensional, but I would do whatever is best, and self-preserving, and good for my son, if I knew exactly what it was, with regard to my writing and what to share and what to keep private. I would have kept a whole lot of things private had I not felt so isolated and alienated and forced to "out" myself in order to protect and get my side of the story out.
It has been self-defense.
If I feel I don't need to defend and fight for my son so hard, and if people quit lying, I wouldn't write half the stuff I do. I don't even know whose call it is anymore, but I am doing the best I can, with what I have to work with.
My housemates got some decent movies and I never feel I have time to watch. But they got "Envy" and "Hot Fuzz" and "Walking Tall" with the rock. They all look good and I overheard the two serious ones yesterday. I guess I'll join them for the comedy and have a...Shirley Temple! I found the beach ball marble last night while cleaning behind the toilet. The one that's red, green, and blue. I suppose I'll give you a lovely essay on how I cleaned, and what with, and the whole food and cookbook theme again. And the new flowers I cut for the house, and what I did with some children today out in the hot sun! I had some scientific questions come to mind today and puzzled over these things but I don't know that this is what...? am I not supposed to sound very intellectual or something? I mean, am I just weird, period? or do others think it's weird to be curious about some of the things that come to mind? Is curiousity only a luxury for licensed professionals and the rich? or is it okay to be different and how different can I be in Wenatchee? I had a gifted student woman in Wenatchee tell me no one would ever understand me here. I want to think it's not true. I want to find the common ground, even if I have to start with cleaners and cooking and what church I'm going to.
I asked the woman and she said to keep writing. I have just written my family, my parents, to ask what they think would be best. I'm taking votes and suggestions.
I sort of think I should round this blog off by writing about a few things I've got going for myself and my son, and new things I'm doing which are positive...And then just quit until or unless something bad happens which I should make the public aware of, or to upload evidence which is positive for me and my son.
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2 comments:
Perhaps you ought to ask your attorney what you should do as he/she would know best given the law/rules of evidence, and all relevant circumstances.
Yes I think you're right. She's been on vacation (all last week) so I couldn't even get the photos of my son to her.
I am trying to think my son did this to himself, to believe my aunt, and imagine maybe it was because he was distraught thinking he was going to see me after church, but I look at those photos and think about how he said someone beat him up, and others think it's too strange for a child to be able to do that to themselves. It doesn't really add up right.
There are a lot of things to go over.
I'm willing to quit writing but for now, until I talk to her, I think it's fine to write about things which don't affect others. I think.
I do have a lot of evidence which I could upload but I've chosen not to for now. That's something I want to talk to her about first. If it will be more expedient to keep it in reserve and settle with some people out of court, and the return of my son will be quicker, we could leave it out of the public record. If it doesn't matter though I think it's more helpful in that case, or protective, to put it out to the public.
We'll see.
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