Future Engineering Mountainman Sans Migraine?

Hello Little Bear,

I wish I could clone myself if only clones did not have their own unique spirit and personality, and make myself a slave. I need another hand around here, and more of my own hands would certaintly mean I could ask for whatever I want, and do it willingly, and not feel guilty.

I know why I'm not married, but that says a lot about the institution of marriage. I hate housework! There are so many other things, more important things, and ways to spend one's time.

I've been procrastinating on writing something for a matter of business tomorrow. But I want to write about you first.

Today you stood, balanced, on one foot. First it was going on tip-toe, and now it's one foot. You were swaying back and forth to music, and then just picked up your foot and left it raised mid-air. And did it again and again. I sometimes think you will be an athlete, but I don't know. You kick a ball awhile and then just want to run around, and poke into something new, and CLIMBING...I really need to make that obstacle course for you. I swear you're a mountain man. Today you went up and down and up and down and again and again up and down the boat ramp to the dock. And you spun the wheels on the ramp with your "room-room!" noises. I realize a lot of kids are into wheels and things that move. But I swear you're going to be some kind of engineer. I got you little lights of cars on a string and a car blanket awhile ago, and you were so excited you couldn't sleep. The biggest smiles and noises. and you're very fascinated with lights. You want me to turn them off and on and get so excited about this process. I got you a remote controlled car on sale, which you loved.

Today you went up to a lot of people and said hello and waved and investigated their belongings. We were at a park.

You notice when you're not to the toilet on time and point it out to me.

You've been showing me signs of awareness--or sneakiness. I told you NOT to climb onto and stand up on the table, and when I left the room, hours later, I heard you on the table. The minute you heard ME coming back, you scrambled down the table, to the couch, and pretended you'd been sitting there all along, with a look of guilt on your face. !! Then today, when I was busy doing other things, you climbed onto the table and yelled for me, and when I came it was as if to say, "Look at me, Mom! I shouldn't be UP here, huh! I guess you'll have to get me down." You wanted my attention.

At the park today, there is this "thing" at the play structure, where you can turn two different knobs and it will race cars that are enclosed in a see-through maze. The bolts turn on the other side when the knobs are turned. Someone needs to oil those knobs because my arms were wearing out turning them. You like to watch what's going on on both sides.

The water is too cold. You only tolerate going in if we go over to the bouys (sp?) and you can push them down and watch them pop back up.

You love to be read to. "boouh" you say, and drag a book to me. There is a book called "Tall" by Jez Albourough that is short on words and long on meaning which makes you smile.

You like cats and dogs, but also seem to like monkeys a lot, in books.

You wanted to fingerpaint yesterday. When we got the paint out, this time you wanted to paint on everything but the paper and stomp on paper with painted feet and tear it up. I kept saying, "put your brush on the paper, honey...right here bear!" and finally I could hear myself, telling you to do things "the right way" and not allowing you to just enjoy the medium, experiment, play, and be destructive with it if that's what you wanted. I was excited to see what interesting new painting you would make, which I could put on the wall, but you just wanted to paint the floor, and mix paints together, step on things, and paint yourself too. At one point I dripped small drops of paint onto paper and then you took a single finger and drew out a design from each small drop, but that was it. It's hard to know when to gently instruct and direct, and then when to let you try things out and let things take a natural course.

You are such a sweet boy. I love you! Sometimes you go to our bed and pat the bed and want to lie down, and I realize it's because when you nap or go to bed, I lie down with you (at least before getting back up again after you're asleep) and you get to snuggle. You are so independant and yet snuggling is still important throughout the day.

I am so tired right now. I think I will lie down a little bit and then do my work. I need to do it now, but maybe a catnap will help revive me. I swear I should be on Adderal or something. I take light narcotic painrelievers for chronic pain, and one of the side effects is drowsiness! Narcotics actually slow down the brain (scary). I looked up ways to counter this and all I found online was that some doctors use "stimulants" to counter this. I don't want to end up like Anna Nicole, but if, if, if, I could just be relatively pain-free AND be alert and more productive...I could be half-way my usually very energetic self. How do you approach your doctor about it though? Ummm...I heard "uppers" help with fatigue from narcotics? sounds like I'm just finding an excuse. BUT, I did not come up with the idea.

Oh, and, my doc thinks I get cluster migraines, which are the rarest form of migraine, and affect men far more than women (out of the very few who get them). I fit the criteria! Nothing else describes the pain either, or difficulty treating them. Even regular old migraines...if someone tells me they can get rid of their migraine with "Advil" or "Tylenol" I"m thinking, "that is NOT a migraine" in disbelief. I had this neighbor across the street, in Oregon, who was on disability from them (clusters) but he got them almost every day. He had been a physician prior to the onset. He pretty much tinkered around the house and put a lot into his home movie theater room.

I hope YOU don't get them.

Maybe it will skip generations, like twins or red hair (the red hair skipping of generations is my own theory bc I hear it so much--someone with red hair always gets it from a grandparent or great-grandparent and it's a suprise).