Sunday, November 30, 2008

To The Abbey And Abbey Attorneys

Fuck you.

I AM special. You were right, and you knew it, and you wanted to bring me down.

You're done.

That goes for the others who tried to hold me down. You're done.

I AM better than you and you knew it all along.

I am not afraid to tell you, you were right about something. And now, you're done and you are not going to have any power over me or my son or anyone I love.

Singing For My Supper Starving Artist Style

I've decided, I'm not getting a job as a waitress.

I'm going to sing.

If I find something to help pay the bills on the side, I'll do that, but I'm going to put more time into singing for my supper.

I'm going to auditions and calling up people for music before I call people in the food industry.

See you around Kathy

The doubters haven't heard me sing yet.

I'm not going to claim I'm a born performer because I'm not. But I can hold a mic and I can work a song.

Oh great. But I'll be pregnant. I'll be the fat lady singing. Nice start.

Sample of Petition To ADA

Well, I don't know how I'm going to edit and organize this yet, but I've included counts of discrimination against disabilities and ADA violations by 3 groups: Justice system in Wenatchee, the state and state workers (social services, CPS), and Medical professionals and I listed counts on behalf of me and my son, though I'll probably add more information about my son:

Justice System Discrimination in Violation of Americans With Disabilities Act

(list facts or counts)

1. Refused to give accomodations for migraine
2. Refused to accommodate for herniated disc and tailbone
3. Mocked my claims of physical disabilities
4. Claimed I was mentally ill and refused counsel at the same time.
5. Refused to respect right to fire counsel
6. Refused to allow for time to gather medical records in my favor.
7. Refused to allow me full and fair hearing
8. Ignored my requests for answers in correspondence
9. Didn’t enforce discovery rules and make sure I had discovery prior to my case

Discrimination by state and state employees

1. Mocked by state employees in language, in teleconferences and by email, regarding disabilities,
2. State claimed not to know where medical records were, or of not having them and said “I don’t remember” when I asked if they’d seen them. They obtained records against HIPPA and then withheld the ones which proved I had disabilities
3. State deliberately withheld information from me on when bus was leaving and where I was staying, knowing it caused distress, and lied about not having paperwork done, purposefully attempting to provoke me
4. State deliberately stalled on providing services when I specifically requested they begin in the D.C. area, for 2 months, and they communicated with other states but refused to return my calls--ignoring me
5. State cut off my right to telephone visitation with my son, in order to coerce me back to the area where they knew I couldn’t get medical care
6. State used general counsel against me, telling me I couldn’t fill out a release of information to get the process started.
7. State made false claims and defamed me to others including Canada, telling them I was paranoid schitzophrenic and severely so, when they had no basis for the accusation and they knew the two mental health professionals who evaluated me prior to my departure did not think such a thing,
8. State directed Canadian officials to a defamatory article published about me, which wasn’t true and which wasn’t evidence of any kind.
9. State tried to cut off my right to medical care and slandered me to the HMOs,
10 . State owes me $1,000 for refusing to reimburse me for medical transportation costs they promised to pay for out-of-area care, which they knew put me in a position of being unable to pay my rent, and at the same time, told me I would lose all benefits if I did NOT go to these appointments.
11. State tried to prevent me from making a S.S. claim for physical disability, trying instead to force me to go on SS for “mental reasons”. They tried to prevent me from getting a medical evaluation for physical disability,
12. State lied in Fair Hearing claiming no one thought I was mentally ill, saying I didn’t need extra time for making a response pro se, and then reversing when in danger of discrimination claim, because I had evidence they DID think and know I had some PTSD, and then they claimed they all knew and that they’d always provided accomodations. They directly contradicted themselves, proving they didn’t care whether I was mentally ill or not, they only wanted to claim whichever one was most convenient for them and let them off the hook.
13. State lied to police and put out an alert, slandering me as being mentally ill,
14. After claiming I was mentally ill, state refused to allow accomodations and more time for someone who was told, on the spot, to be pro se. State also refused to disclose all discovery so I was could prepare for hearings
15. State tried to force me back to Wenatchee for mental health evaluation by someone they knew, by cutting off the vistiation of my son and refusing change of venue hen I was unable to travel. They then attempted to prejudice psychological evaluation by mental health professional in Whatcom county, by asking her to review an enormous “packet” of crap they had collected to make me appear nuts, BEFORE she even interviewed me. She told them this was unethical.
16. State tried to prevent me from being able to rent from anyone in Wenatchee, after I refused their “One-way-bus-ticket-out-of-the-state” which was an idea concocted by joint efforts between CPS and medical professionals I was planning to sue for medical malpractice.
17. State did not offer any services prior to removing my son from my care, as required by law, that they exhaust all remedies before taking the extreme step of forcing a traumatic separation,
18. State told me I could legally leave the country while under investigation as long as there was no protective order and then lied about me to separate my son from me when we left,
19. State delayed on giving me their records after I signed a release of information at least 6 months to 1 year before I left for Canada, knowing I would obtain evidence of prejudice as I had tried to report social workers for discrimination and the complaints were brought to a halt at the Olympia level.
20. State Fair Hearings judge slandered me in a written opinion, claiming I believed all Catholics were out to get me and that I was “paranoid” about all catholics, which wasn’t true and was something I never said though he ascribed this to me. He also refused to hold other state employees accountable for perjury when he knew the evidence as right there on tape.
21. State employee, social worker, slandered me to CPS after I said I was reporting her for trying to kick me and my son off of benefits and lying about medical transportation reimbursement. She turned around, in response, and ran to CPS to cover herself,
22. State did not inform me that my social worker was best friends with my counselor, or, my social worker and counselor didn’t inform me of their connection, even though they both asked me questions about what I thought about eachother.
23. State refused to investigate for false accusations made to CPS and when I requested release of information and signed form, withheld the information from me. They dismissed all complaints as “unfounded” and then later added them all back in, as if every one of them was viable and true, even though they knew I had evidence to prove false accusations had been made,
24. State claimed I was drug seeking but refused to do UA’s when I requested, prior to my departure to Canada, and also refused to allow me to be evaluated for whether I was drug seeking or not or had valid pain issues because of injuries caused by medical malpractice

Discrimination By Wenatchee Medical Professionals

1. Almost immediately upon arrival, the hospital and their employees at CWH, slandered me in their chart notes, claiming I didn’t have migraines but was “drug seeking” when they had NOTHING upon which to base this claim. I asked them to correct this and they refused and then they violated HIPPA and faxed these slanderous chart notes all over Wenatchee, to clinics I wasn’t even being seen at.

2. After I gave CWH documentation from 2 different neurologists that proved I had migraines, they still tried to claim they were tension headaches and refused to treat me. They still stubbornly refused to correct their slander of me as being drug-seeking.

3. After I told some people I was going to keep going to the ER just to establish the regularity of my migraines and how many times I was refused standard of care, for lawsuit purposes, CWH filed a legal injunction against me in Wenatchee, trying to “ban” me, claiming I was mentally ill and that I was drug seeking. Despite a memorandum from a legal aid attorney, claiming their injunction was discrimination against disability and that there was no way the hospital could claim I DIDN’T have migraines or pain, I was refused counsel, refused accomodation for migraine by the Judge presiding over that case, and also refused change of venue to King County, despite evidence I could not get a fair hearing in that town. I was also denied to right to jury trial.

4. CWH was subsequently stripped of their position as a top critical care hospital and the state ruled there was a pattern of incompetence regarding ability to treat or understand neurological injuries, which included migraines. Citing lack of experienced neurologists on staff at CWH, CWH was dropped down in status as a first level hospital and it was ordered all head injuries or ER emergencies of a more critical nature be redirected to Spokane or Seattle. I reminded CWH ER staff of this fact, and wrote about it online on my blog and they tried to make more CPS complaints against me.

5. A false (or fraudulent) lab came back testing me positive for THC, a marijuana compound, after I’d already threatened to sue CWH for defamation and finally faxed them evidence which showed I was diagnosed with migraine and so, in fact, I had concrete evidence they had slandered me. I was not notified of these results, and did not even discover them until 3 months later when I requested copies of my medical records and found this. It is illegal to withhold such a finding from a patient, and no one from either CWH or from Columbia Valley Community Health, told me about this. As a result, I was not given the opportunity to prove it was wrong by retesting or testing somewhere else at another lab, or having other factors ruled out which could create a false positive. CWH then used this false lab report as a type of “evidence” to clear them from my accusations of defamation that I was drug-seeking, because now they could claim they had proof I was “lying” and that they were right. To this day, however, I have hair samples from my long hair, from before going to Canada and trying pot for the first time, and these hair samples would prove I never tried pot. I also asked to have my hair analysis done, by Dr. Butler and Dr. Butler claimed it didn’t matter and he wasn’t going to order it because it was “no big deal”. It WAS a big deal, and Butler later even tried to claim I was drug seeking for morphine and narcotics, even though he was trying to push them on me and I was refusing them, especially in pregnancy. I was discriminated against for a dual diagnosis of “mental illness and drug seeking”, both of which were untrue and had no basis in fact.

6. CWH purposefully withheld treatment which would have alleviated severe pain, and provoked me, by harassing me and mocking me in person, by yelling at me, by rolling their eyes about me to other hospital employees, by pointing out a slanderous newspaper article written about me, and by gossiping about me. When I burst into upset and finally sent one or two (at the most) emails, out of distress after Dr. Jobe yelled at me and sneered he’d “give you TYLENOL for your tension headaches”, CWH pounced and filed for the injunction, even though they were the ones at fault.

7. Doctors at CWH and Columbia Valley and Wenatchee Medical discriminated against me by writing assumptions that I was mentally ill, claiming I’d said things I never said, such as that I’d been “raped by the FBI”, and not once did they have a professional opinion from a licensed psychologist (who was objective and not biased with a motive to work for another party they received an income from) or psychiatrist. Instead, all the evidence and reports from mental health professionals were to the contrary, that I was not mentally ill as they claimed. This discrimination served as a cover for the injuries I and my son sustained in childbirth, and as a result, I could not even get a basic X-ray to confirm a displaced and broken tailbone from anyone in that town. They also ignored me when I reported my son’s speech had gone from being articulate and highly developed, into gibberish within one week’s time. The discrimination prevented me, as a mother, from getting proper evaluations and diagnostics of my son, something Canada was willing to do and believed was necessary, but which Washington state tried to dismiss and cover up.

8. Dr. Butler and the Columbia Valley Community Health clinic refused to release copies of my signed releases for my son’s vaccinations at 2 months of age. I have repeatedly requested these, by letter, by email, by phone, and through other clinics, and to date, they have been refused. Butler knew my son was extremely sick after these vaccinations and he didn’t want me to report the effects to VAERS (vaccination adverse effects reporting system) and withheld information from me which he knew I planned to enter into a federal system, which could have prevented other children from having the same reaction.

9. Several things which affected my son were ignored by Wenatchee medical professionals. They ignored my report that my son had developed some kind of speech disability and refused to do any kind of diagnostics on his behalf, at a crucial time in his life and early development when the basics of speech are obtained. My son is still, to date, not speaking the way he was at one year of age. He is behind and the state has taken him out of my care, which was vigilant, and in his best interests, and tried to claim there was nothing wrong, and that then there was something wrong, and now there’s nothing wrong again. They make whatever claim suits their purposes and my son is not getting the care he needs, the diagnostics he needs, or the kind of speech therapy and alternative forms of speech that he needs. The longer he is in their care, the less time there is for me to work with him and get him to competent doctors who have another opinion and who want to help. Also, the state has deliberately stalled and delayed in every aspect of this process, which only allows the clock for statute of limitations to keep rolling, and without me as his legal guardian, I am unable to file a lawsuit for his damages within the statutes, on his behalf, when there is a law firm that specializes in brain injuries and other damages and wishes to take his case and help him.

There is already documentation that my son’s birth injuries will require some specialized care in the future, and who will pay for it, if the people responsible for these injuries and damages, are not sued? They know they are guilty and that my son and I have a claim which would cost them a lot and this is their main motive for trying to defame me and keep my son from me.

My son is disabled and is being discriminated against, by not just the state and state employees, but by medical professionals covering for themselves. My son had a head injury at birth which resulted in bleeding in the brain, and a scab over his head for over 3 months. He also had high bilirubin, at abnormal levels, at 3 months of age, and this is documented with a lab report. He also has had 2 independent pediatricians confirm my son’s teeth deformities, called “enamel dysphasia” are the likely result of severe pressure and trauma at birth. They both say there is no other cause for this, at his age, and say he will need special dental work in the future.


I beg you, on behalf of the interests of me and my son, and the greater interests of the disabled community at large, that you will intervene and hold those who have violated your laws accountable for what they’ve done. We need your help and I’ve exhausted all other remedies. I especially beg you to intervene on behalf of my son although I’m uncertain as to the scope of your powers.

Thank you for your time and attention to these matters.

I'm A Souljah by Tupac (and Progress On My Complaints)

This has great rhythm and movement. One I can write fast to, and get pumped up by. Then I heard Usher's "Think of You" which I like, and now, I've replayed this several times, Michael Jackson feat. Akon Tf1 2008, "Wanna Be Startin' Something". Really good. Also heard Rihanna.

Anyway, I'm making good progress. I'm almost halfway through my Bar complaint and then I'll just edit and make sure my claims fit the right violations and meet the standards for proving unreasonable defense.

I'm done with the part about Cassel. Now I'm onto writing about Wellbaum. Then I'll review case law and statutes, and then save as is to edit later, and start working on the next complaint.

Still listening to "Wanna Be Startin' Something." Sort of fitting, eh?

I may just submit complaints to the State supervisory for police, regarding the times I was pulled over for things I didn't do and searched. It was an excuse to search my car. I should also file another FOIA for the FBI records and see what excuse they come up with this time.

Maybe I should ask the Portland police for a copy of the "statement" Rich Austria made for me, against my protestations, when I said I'd write my own account of events and facts because he was trying to distort things.

"Wann be startin' something, got to be startin' something..."

These people have had it coming a long time. At least when I get it in writing and keep copies for myself, I can later prove I even put things in writing and no one did anything. So it will prove corruption and lend itself to any Section 1983 claim I may make on my own or discuss with an attorney.

After I get the smaller complaints out of the way, I am filing something to get an injunction against this whole proceeding in Wenatchee. I am filing a complaint for violation of civil rights.

If no lawyer will help me do it, I'll do it myself, even if I can't do a very good job of it. I can still draft a decent motion if my facts are "sufficient".

These people are getting snowed. Getting fired was the best thing that could have happened to me, by the way. It was perfect timing because it frees me up to keep up the flow and get these things out ASAP.

I have finished the complaint against Wellbaum and Cassel. It has to be edited, but the body of the work is done. I've decided to add legal things later.

Also, I'm thinking, the only way I'll really get to the bottom of what the FBI was doing, and to prove I did have involvement with them, thereby proving Wenatchee medical professionals slandered me when they mocked me in the records as crazy for thinking I knew anyone in the FBI...

I'm thinking I'll have to file a civil rights lawsuit. The FBI will be forced to disclose their records on me at that point. I also haven't been able to get the State of Washington to release all of their records in their files, about me, from social services to all the various departments of "the state".

"You wanna be startin' something, you got to be startin' something..."

I should also get information from the state about what they sent over to Canada and who was saying what and communicating with immigration. I think that could be quite enlightening. I need names.

I am taking names.

Better firm up on that house mortgage situation assholes.

You are going to be sued and you are going to try to pay your way out for your defense. Start saving up. Might not want to go out for dinner this weekend. Might not want to get too crazy with all that Christmas spending. Ask the Abbey attorneys how funny it was, my threats, until they got served and were fighting my complaints in court, for almost 2 years.

Let's see, I have a little over 7 pages. I think I can trim it down to 3 1/2 after I edit.

Hmmm. Change of plans. Next complaint to be written is to the ADA. Americans with Disabilities people. That one has to be filed right away, so it's next. The others will follow after it, but the ADA should start looking into this ASAP.

I love this song, "I'm a Souljah". I don't care what the lyrics are, I just like everything else. It makes me want to be in a club dancing.

Hmm. I started the template and thought, "How many complaints to the ADA do I write anyway?" I don't think I can combine everything. I may have to file one for discrimination by Wenatchee medical professionals, on a case-by-case basis, and then a separate one for the discrimination by the state, meaning state workers, and justice system in Wenatchee. And then maybe have one referrencing the other? So someone can see there's a connection but that they're also unique in their forms of discrimination? It's almost more of a conspiracy between the two, to deprive someone of justice. They worked together. They were even working on their "one-way-bus ticket" out of Wenatchee together. And the state covered for the medical professionals by trying to refuse state funding to allow for diagnostics which would prove disability and then withheld evidence from the dependency case.

I think there are very, very, good grounds for a unique civil rights case, more than anything. I may look up claims and grounds for certain torts I havent' thought of before.

Oh, another good song I just discovered, not as well known as "Gonna be Startin' Somethin'" is another by Jackson and Akon, "Hold My Hand". It's really good. I've never heard it before.

WSB and ABA Complaint Against Cassel and Wellbaum

This is what I have so far, but the rest I'll keep to myself, so these people can get their defense for themselves together, regarding the facts, after I've already served copies to all parties inluding the Bar. I'm also going to make sure to include the statutes and case law for what constitutes "reasonable defense" and how this defense did not meet these standards and then I and my son were penalized because of it. This is just the intro before I've edited and added to it. I'll then separate the facts into appropriate columns for Wellbaum and Cassel.

Complaint to Washington State Bar and American Bar Association
Regarding Public Defenders Paul Cassel and Jeanne Wellbaum:

The purpose of this complaint is to report two public defenders within the Wenatchee, Washington justice system, who failed to provide reasonable defense and also who admitted to, and demonstrated, conflicts of interest, who later attempted to intimidate me to drop my intention of reporting them.

As a result of their failure to provide reasonable representation, my case was irreversibly prejudiced and resulted in the separation of mother and child from a relationship which was not harmful or at risk to the child.

Damages from trauma were incurred by both mother and toddler, as a result of the actions, and a number of civil rights were also violated, including, but not limited to:

1. the right to visitation,
2. the right to accommodation for disabilities,
3. The right to normal medical care,
4. the right of the mother to pursue a medical malpractice claim on behalf of her son (for injuries he sustained by those who reported to CPS following their knowledge they were about to be sued by mother who was actively seeking legal counsel in Seattle),
5. the failure to investigate false allegations made to CPS,
6. the violation of mother’s civil right to reasonable defense,
7. the forced imposition by the Judge to make the mother go pro se (without notice) if she did not drop her plans to report the attorneys,
8. the violation of mother’s right to discovery prior to hearings (especially after she’d been told she was pro se) and to consultation and copies of motions by attorneys before they were filed.

Other significant damages incurred were the emotional distress inflicted by the state, upon mother and son, which resulted in dramatic weight loss of the child and depression and acting out, as well as nightmares and severe separation anxiety, and in the inability of the mother to sleep at night without the aid of sleeping pills, which directly affected her ability to contribute in any meaningful way to the process, which the state was aware of. There is evidence which proves the state and justice system in Wenatchee, deliberately tried to increase the pain and suffering of the mother and worked to permanently separate mother from son and destroy the bond.

Public defenders Cassel and Wellbaum contributed to these things by failing to provide even the rudimental elements of a sound defense--failing to notify mother of conflicts of interest, of motions they filed, of communications without the consent of the mother; failing to obtain evidence which was readily available and proved the mother’s defense was strong when it was crucial to the case; failing to tell mother when their computers were down and they weren’t receiving mother’s emails; and failure to timely communication with mother, not letting the mother know about hearing times and dates which resulted in the failure of the mother to appear and to lose the hearing, and never taking time to go over the facts of the case with the mother.

Complaints!!!! I'm Writing Them!

Yay! I'm started on my word document.

First complaint I'm writing is regarding public defenders Cassel and Wellbaum,
Second complaint is for HIPPA violations,
Third complaint is to the ADA,
Fourth complaint is to a medical supervisory board in Washington state,
Fifth complaint is correspondence with human rights group that contacted me again,

That's all I'm doing now. Writing complaint after complaint.

Oh, and I guess I'll need to write a formal complaint about Judge Warren and the things he did, and Judge Hotchkiss for the lesser things he did (he wasn't quite as blatantly bad and illegal as Warren--Warren was flat-out corrupt).

Report To FBI Of Corrupt Judges In New Mexico & Talk With Cheif of Prisons

I seriously wonder if NM FBI did anything at all about these guys.

Did they ignored my report? did they just go after the small-time people I knew instead of going after the real corruption? did anyone die or get killed following my report?

Based on my past experience with FBI, I wouldn't report anything to them, but I didn't know who else to report it to. And it's the FBI that's supposed to investigate judicial corruption.

I gave them all the info. The names of the people I knew, and the names of the lawyer and judges they knew (as much as I knew).

It would be interesting to know if any of it was taken seriously.

I think it should all be legalized to take the industry away from criminals and mobs, and to put an end to the violence over drugs. But as long as it's illegal and people are being put to jail for it, Judges and lawyers who are hypocritical are at the top of my list for reporting, and if I ever know about ANY situation where people are being taken advantage of, by those in positions of authority, they're going down

I talked to the Chief of Alburquerque's prisons, when he came into work with a coworker, a lawyer, and we sat down and talked for awhile about things. I told him about some of this but when he wanted to know who I reported it to, I wouldn't tell him. I didn't want to ruin any potential "investigation". He gave me his business card and told me to visit if I was in NM again.

But time has passed since then, and now I'm making the announcement, because it would be interesting for someone to check this out and see if anyone followed up on it and in what way.

The judges were white and the lawyers were white and hispanic.

I'm watching the video "Dangerous" by Kardinal Offishal (w/Akon) and the woman walking reminds me of the kind of attitude Val had.

I used to sing this when my roommate, The Hedonist, was at home and I think it unnerved him. LOL

I'm feeling Tupac Shakir today. I think it's going to be a Tupac day. I picked out "Life Goes On".

The other guy, gave me a bunch of tips on how to steal. Petty theft. He said he only takes from the rich (corporations) and only takes what he needs and nothing more. I wanted to know what his game was, so I went with him to a store where he showed me how he "worked". It was interesting. He said if he was ever in survival mode and had to get food or get by, this was how to do it, without getting caught. Said he was like the guy in "Catch Me If You Can", but better.

I watched, partly out of a curiousity and knowing I could use it for writing about later, and to gain insight to a certain life or the tricks of a hustler, he said he was a hustler.

I never followed in his footsteps though. I didn't steal from any store when I was broke, or from any individual person either. I have my own way of "hustling" and it's been my own discovery. It's just to ask questions, and sometimes people talk and give you info and other times they offer to assist.

"Dear Mama" makes me feel like crying, because his mother's talking about her son, and being pregnant in prison, and then he ends up getting murdered.


I got about 3 passwords in the last 24 hours. One from someone loaning me a computer, one which was given to me a couple of days ago for a network they were using until checkout--and I've found they checked out already, and most recently, one from a very nice Russian gentleman, from Moscow.

I wish the last one hadn't disappeared so fast, because I would have bought him a coffee or something at least, but I didn't think until later.

Anyway...I have a lot to do.

I could get derailed from writing and filing complaints from losing my job unexpectedly, but I'm not allowing that to happen. I know a couple people who may let me stay with them for a bit until I've got a new job, and am working on the complaints until then.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Princess Diana Myth of Paranoia

I am goofing off. I have things to do but it's nice to just listen to music and goof off.

I have books I want to write, and some plans for them, for fiction and non-fiction. I want to write one about animals I've known, one about the marian dogmas and things I discovered while at the Abbey, a book of poetry (short one!), a funny drama, and then my other serious one I want to do would be about Princess Diana and all the claims made by people that she was "paranoid" towards the end of her life and a bunch of other crap. I want to tear apart every single supposition made against her mental state during her last years, and include all the names of those who slandered her.

It's suspicious. You read things from Jepheson or whoever her former secretary was, who wrote about her and said she was paranoid, and used an example of her tearing up the carpeting looking for "bugs" and things.

It's not paranoia. The record shows she WAS spied on and bugged and tapped, by MORE than one intelligence agency and outside of her own country too. And someone was probably tipping her off, letting her know it WAS happening, AND she had good intuition.

There's nothing unreasonable or clinically paranoid about these actions, but what I find the most strange, is HOW many people came forward, after she DIED, to make all these accusations.

People don't make false accusations of mental imbalance unless they're trying to hide someone or disparage the credibility of someone.

I don't care what anyone says, she was onto something.

And, aside from looking into things further, in general, I think a book, wholely devoted to disproving every myth and claim of mental illness and paranoia as slanderous, would be a good service to all those who are activists or have enemies, or who are truly mentally ill as well. True mental illness is made into mythic proportions, and I don't think the mentally ill appreciate seeing how their illness is used to DISPARAGE and discredit others either.

It's just so fishy. Everytime I start to move onto thinking about something else, I read another claim by someone, and it's just plain odd. I would begin to look more closely at those making the claims, and see what THEY have in common with one another (well, besides being assholes).

Baby Dancing

This is an active baby.

I didn't think it was possible to feel movement so early, and I criticized myself when I thought I felt it kick or move awhile ago, but it is moving a LOT.

Tonight, it has been moving all over the place, as I've listened to music, it's just all over the place. Since it's a laptop, I'm keeping it away from touching my stomach, just because these things get hot and also, well, it's like a microwave. Okay, don't freak out...I'm not saying it's anything strong or strange, it's just normal like a cell phone, but I don't need to have a cell phone lying on my stomach throughout pregnancy either.

I'm just more cautious.

But this one is alive and dancing up a storm. Wow. I guess I'm getting two live wires.

Just Like Heaven

I cannot get over this song. "Just Like A Dream" by The Cure. I am listening to it on a laptop with really, really, good audio, and it's like a brand new song again.

This is when music is filling, like eating until you're full, or swimming for a day in a warm ocean bubbling over with froth from the distant Hurricane, or drinking 3 rounds and dancing at home alone or in a club sandwiched in the middle. This song is like being warm buried deep in the snow, and happy having cried all the tears bottled up inside.

This song is like heaven.

I have nothing new or profound to say about it except that there is not one part of me that could be down or sad listening to this. Strangely, a lot of bad things have recently happened, but I have not felt more at peace and content, and I've just wanted to listen to The Cure over and over.

I'm listening to New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle" a few times over now. This song cracks me up, at the part where she says, "I don't believe in reincarnation because I reFUSE to come back as a BUG or a RABBIT." and he says, "You know, you're a real fucked up person."

I reFUSE to come back as a BUG or a RABBIT.

Now listening to "If You Leave" (by OMG?) I forgot what that stands for. I know the singer but it's not coming to mind immediately.

Woman Who Fired Me Fires Back (Again)

She called and left a message after I texted her and she says it's my fault. It's not, but I'm done with her. If she is going to make a big deal out of something that was not my fault, there's nothing I can do, and besides, she's a liar, because after she found out I was pregnant, she hired 2 new people and lied and said she needed the extra help anyway. She didn't give me any notice and didn't plan to, and this was her excuse to fire me because no one lets someone go over something like this. I showed up for work ahead of schedule even, and was there, and she sent me home until Monday, and the employee calendar and schedule is right there on the door.

Anyway. This is one of those moments when you have all these incredible juicy things you could say, about your boss and even certain things that were going on which are not exactly legal, but you choose not to.

I choose not to, even knowing I have this wonderful forum, because it's one of those things where I know I'm not the only one who knows "stuff". It's not like I have been entrusted with the inside scoop, or that I feel a responsibility to report things, feeling pressured because I'm the only one who knows. No, there are a bunch of people who know a lot of "stuff", and I don't need to be the one to say any of it right now or ever.

It's one of those things, where you can see scenes in your mind, and you laugh, thinking about how crazy it is, but you just leave people alone.

I had people who wanted to see me lose my job. Not because I wasn't a good employee, but for other reasons. I can't help them with their problem except to go and there is nothing I wish to do to them, in return, to "get even".

They're on their own. I shouldn't have stayed so long, and had people telling me to move on a long time ago, and I had offers too, but I was too lazy and tired and just didn't want the change as I was focused on other things.

I have great things to write about, because of my work there, and I will probably use it in fictional form.

At any rate, I am not worried at all, or panicked. If I were, I'd have spent the day looking for work instead of on the computer. It doesn't make sense maybe, but I know things are going to work out for me. And no, I've no intention of going back to Washington anytime soon...Not until complaints are made and filed.

Multiple Computer Hook Ups & Afghani Women

Thank you, thank you, thank you, everyone who has offered to let me use their computer. My first computer hook up needed to use it tonight for Skype, and another guy had already volunteered and is letting me use his now. AND, I have been given passwords to different computer networks too.

I tried calling the Afghani women, to help them with their computer tonight, and their answering machine said the message box is full and won't take new messages. It's the only way for me to reach them, so maybe I'll see them later and I'll try to reach them later too.

And you know, this guy who has let me borrow his computer--he's Asian and he is HOT. Really artsy looking too. Anyway. I don't want to say exactly what nationality he is to give away any aspect of his identity other than this.

I know a lot of people who have been there for me are those who are or were recently immigrants or are second-generation. These are often the people I've also tried to welcome and help, and they do not forget it either.

You never, never, know who you're really dealing with. Everyone is someone special, and for those people who are social climbers, maybe it's just as well they overlook certain people on their way to the top--because in the long run, it catches up with you.

Anyway, thanks to the Americans and non-Americans who have assisted me with my computer needs. :)

TTSOML #251: In The Navy, In The Nayvee (Getting Past Security)

I was in Bethesda and I was going to find out how much it cost for biodosimetry, or blood analysis, which examines DNA and chromosomal changes up to several months after exposure to certain waves. The guys at the research facility at least knew whether there was anything which could measure other forms of exposure as well, and I was going to talk to them.

What I DIDN'T know, was that the Navy Hospital is highly secured, under military security all the way around, with gates and guards, and the radiation research center is even more secured.

I didn't know anyone who worked at the hospital or anywhere there. So I showed up, at the gate to get in, and didn't know why the security guy was saying I had to be on a list or something.

I ended up getting what I wanted anyway. I got in. Guess how?

I swear, I'm very lucky when I'm lucky, and the other rest of the time I'm the most unlucky person around. Is there a word for this? Extreme highs and lows in luckiness? Bipolucky?

It just so happened, I ran into the best guy at Naval security. He was really cheerful, but at first just said, no, you can't come in. I said I'd had contacts with someone there (and had, it was true, but only by email) but didn't know I needed anything else. I didn't want to tell him the whole story, so I just said I was doing some research and was trying to talk to this guy. I told him I'd been told I could go right in.

So I talked with him for a long time. He asked where I was from and I told him I'd just come into town and my accomodations had fallen through last minute, so this was really disappointing to hear I had to have a prior security pass. I had come all the way from the Pacific NW.

He was flirting with me and I flirted back. He asked what I was doing that night and I said I just didn't know, I was so new to town and everything. He said we should go out and he gave me his number. He also said he had a place for me to stay, if I needed.

This offer occured after about 4 hours of waiting around and just chatting. He said he had a good friend who worked at the radiation center doing research and she might be able to help me get in.

I didn't ask for anything except for information on how to get in. I didn't ask for a place to stay and didn't expect an offer either. It just happened. Well, and I wasn't stupid enough to say I believed I'd been exposed to radiation or something that would start someone wondering right away. I said I was doing research, which was true. He later said he thought I was a student doing research, and that I was younger, and he didn't know about my kid situation. But if I'd told him all of that in the beginning, I never would have had a chance. Because he lived with me first, and saw I was a normal person, eventually the truth could come out and he could handle it better.

Because he worked there, I was able to ride in with him, past security, everyday. I just waited around until NIH campus was open and then explored over there. He worked on getting me into the Radiation center. So for awhile, I was just a college student doing research on biodosimetry and other diagnostics used or in development for measuring exposures of various forms of radiation or electromagnetic waves. I also didn't lead him on in any way and asked if it was no strings attached and he said yes. He was a perfect gentleman, the whole time. If I had wanted something with him, it would have been fine, but he respected where I stood and I was there until his roommate was coming back from overseas. Over a month. And he got me into the Radiation center!!!!

I had a full tour of even restricted areas and met some of the top scientists. But it wasn't what I thought it would be though. The purpose was to find out which diagnostics could be utilized by ME to prove what I'd been through, and I didn't get what I needed fast enough, although there may be a way to prove some things through teeth. Still, the scientists I talked to said electromagnetic waves, which sounded more likely, were not easy to detect even if overexposed.

When I spent time at NIH (National Institute of Health) I met other people, among them a rap singer who did big shows in NYC, and a PhD in MRI technology and application who had specialized in satellites first. The latter asked me out for a date after we met at lunch and talked for a long time. We had dinner and then he said he'd reserved a room for me in D.C. with a good view. It turned out, this wasn't just for me but he found out there wasn't going to be anything in it that was physical. I liked what I could obtain from his brain, and I liked him as a friend, but wasn't attracted to him that way. So the next day I told him about symptoms and asked him what he thought. He got extremely nervous and said he didn't think it was possible in the U.S. He said what I was describing was possible, and that it sounded like satellite technology or possibly something else that was extremely strong and used MRI types of waves. He said it mainly corresponded with satellite weapons available but he said there could be other things on the market he was unaware of. He said all the symptoms were symptoms of what I had been talking about. He believed me, but after talking to me, he was afraid for his safety and went on and on about what happened in HIS country and how he didn't realize that kind of thing happened in the U.S. "I guess if you make the right enemies it does" I said. He was afraid if anyone found out about him he'd be kicked out of he country, for talking to me and agreeing with me. He said he would tell the truth in court if required but asked me not to bring him into court because he was worried they'd go after HIM.

He knew plenty about the technology. He not only worked with hands-on experiments on animals, he had studied satellite technology before going to a PhD in MRI work. He said he switched because he had offers for him to go into satellite reconaissance and warfare and he didn't want to get into that end of things. He wanted to keep his work on more of a medical level, not so much into military and spycraft. But he knew a lot and they had tried to headhunt him for that kind of work.

He told me what the reactions of pigs were, to overexposure to MRI waves. They were doing experiments on using higher than is considered-safe waves in order to produce better imaging and he told me typically it fries the animal from the inside, and there is twitching and other things. But the work was being done in anticipation of use on humans, or finding nw ways to use MRI technology on humans. He said they just turned up the levels.

TTSOML #250: Adventures In Cocaine Cock-eye

"Can Judges snort coke?"

(assemble the group of judges in their robes to smile and affirm to the camera: "Oh YES WE CAN!". Judges link arms, spread out across a long table with a huge long line of cocaine down the middle, and bending over, arms still linked, snort the line together, wipe their noses and grab their pommels and drum the table shouting, amidst cheers from dance club groupies in the background: "Order in the COURT!". Lead in prisoners who are chained at the ankle, to wipe down the table like justice bussers. Prosecuting attorney smacks the ass of one Judge, who winks at him and sits down on his lap. The D.A. bends over to kiss the same Judge, who puts her arm around his neck. The other Judges fall about the table, cutting the links off of a couple of prisoners with a "shhh!" sign to their mouths as the prisoner passes them a bag of coke. The other prisoners are told they'll be set free after they understand how to be "cooperative". Judge Warren is mounting an electric horse and swinging a lasso, practicing on how to reel people in like cattle and tie them up. A tax accountant is there, and several trust fund babies, along with a few private business owners and hedge fund execs)

"Can Judges snort coke and dispense proper justice to others?"

(camera catches all members of party in freeze-frame, then suddenly, guns come out of all pockets and they turn them on the camera. "Who brought the WISE GUY?" the female Judge asks. She tazers the attorneys who are holding onto her and makes a run for it. The scene ends in a flash of light.)

I ended up in New Mexico, at a gas station where a young guy in his very early 20s was possibly doig a drug deal by using the gas station phone. He showed up about 30 minutes after I'd been dropped off. I asked him if he would be willing to give me a ride to a truck stop where I could catch a truck going my direction. He said sure, if he could run an errand first.

He was very chatty and said we should hang out. After he heard I smoked weed, and after he did his deal, he took a prescription pill and crushed it up and snorted it in front of me. I had never seen anyone snort anything before. He said he was from a family with money but he ran away because of his step-father. This was the cutter. He said why didn't I "roll" with them, and make up my mind about what I was doing later? He did oxycontins. He thought I was in my early 20s, just a little older than he was and I didn't correct him.

I had been on trucks for awhile and thought maybe I would take a break for a day or two. He took me to his house, where he said his roommate was gone on vacation. She was back already. She was Mexican, smart, pretty, and both of them were an interesting pair.

He was sort of her side-kick, and she could get whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it. They stayed at a stucco house and her college graduation photo was on the wall. She liked me and said I was welcome to stay. They were going out to party that night and wanted me to go with.

This woman was the best driver I've ever been in a car with, but she and her former husband were former race car enthusiasts, and loved driving at the race track. It wasn't her driving that scared the shit out of me, but knowing she was drinking and doing drugs. She could drink a lot though, and maintain an equillibrium.

He could make up stories on the fly, and the funniest stories you've ever heard, in rapid-fire speech, and act out scenes theatrically as well. The two of them would stay up almost all night, talking.

He told me she "rolled with Judges" so she was his total hook-up for everything. And all she had to do was whisper into some guys ear, and get rounds for everyone in her party. I later was told she had a brother in the Mexican mafia who was fairly high up.

The Judges liked her, and they all hung out with lawyers in the area, from the system, because she was fun. One had a huge crush on her and would give her whatever coke she wanted. She had just come back from a vacation with them, which she took with her girlfriend.

Everything was fine with them, until after a few days and they realized I didn't do drugs or even drink like they did, and after the guy found out how old I was. It was "cool" to be with someone who was "22" or "24", not "33". Who didn't do drugs. A 33 year old mom who didn't do drugs. Real fun.

But this is what I learned...

I had already learned from the potheads I stayed with in Birch Bay, how to smoke pot. I figured, in my situation, it might be a good skill to know, if I needed to blend in in certain situations, to be safe or survive. So I did not just try pot. I worked at it until I looked like I knew what I was doing.

By the time I met this group, I at least looked like I knew what I was doing with joints. I just told them I didn't do heavier stuff. Towards the end, when I knew they were getting suspicious, I went ahead and "snorted" a very small amount of a crushed oxycontin so it was maybe about 5 mgs worth. I did it because I'd had it before, for medical reasons, and because I knew it wouldn't hurt me and I could blend in until I got out. I was staying longer because I was trying to get more information about something--about the Judges, but after awhile it wasn't worth it. I was a mom, not an undercover cop, and I wasn't getting paid for my time or sanctioned by anyone either. I learned a little more, though, after I tried snorting the oxy, and he snorted the rest. I hadn't even been that interested in the whole Judge thing, until I heard he'd asked the Mexican woman for sexual favors in return for helping her with rent. He was a predator, and also, a Judge putting other people away for drug crimes while he's doing it? Not okay with me. Not at all.

So they did coke, meth, prescription pills, and a lot of drinking. They did some dealing, and told me they hook me up to deal cocaine, but the younger guy wouldn't allow it. I wanted to see if I could get close to a contact, because the Mexican woman said she'd go with me. The younger guy said no way, they would take one look at me, laugh, take the cocaine and my money, and either kill me or assault me. She was tougher and knew the gang lingo even though she was now a professional, working at a mortgage company.

She did, supposedly, everything, and he did prescription pills and drinking mainly. So I was there and the younger guy was going to get me a job as a waitress, if I'd stayed, but in the end I decided I was going to report what I knew, get out of there, and move on to what my first and most important goal was: getting my son back and going on to the East Coast for diagnostics and other help. I didn't report regular people who did drugs--I was only interested in reporting people in positions of authority who abused their authority.

The two of them had a weird relationship. He said he was just nice to her so he had a place to stay, and he sucked up to her like he was her best gay friend. She drank a ton, but now that I think about it, though I saw her bent over supposedly doing lines, I never actually saw coke going into her nose. I did see her smoke a ton of weed, and her nose was often very red.

Also, after they found out I was this old mommy who didn't do drugs, I wanted to know if they were really doing them, because they were so discreet. So once, after they'd all taken turns in the bathroom, I went in and looked around. The door to the bathroom went into her bedroom. I had heard doors opening. They said they weren't doing anything, but I went into her room and saw, right there, a flat plate, and white residue all over it.

I had never done cocaine and still never have, but I knew it was supposed to numb your tongue. So I licked my forefinger, pressed it into the residue and licked my finger. The tip of my tongue was almost immediately totally numb. It was cocaine.
I had no reason to doubt anything they told me anymore. I did believe they were doing cocaine, and dealing, and knew judges and lawyers who did it regularly, and that her brother was higher up in the Mexican mafia.

I partied with them in that I went out dancing and drank, but that was it. Once or twice I did pot to prevent migraines. I think the younger guy first opened up when I asked him if he knew anyone who had marijuana because I needed a little bit for migraine. No one ever believes it's for migraine. They think it's a cover and that you must be even more discreet and "cool".

So I was "rollin'" with the "big ballers" who "schizzled". Schizzle-dizzle, the younger guy would say. She would turn up the music, rap, to full blast, and we'd all be dancing and singing to it. I always sat in the backseat because I thought the car was just going to just die on one of her crazy corner maneuvers.

She let me wear whatever she had in her closet, and they fed me and were helping me out. When I asked her to slow down with the car, that was did the damage. You just do NOT tell high-rollers who like to drive fast, to "slow down". They said if I couldn't be "cool" I should stay home.

I never did anything with the guy, though I could have. Especially at first, there was a little chemistry, but I didn't want to get involved and then I think he lost interest when he learned I was a 33 year old mom. I also wondered if he was gay because he was really into fashion, and sort of had mannerisms sometimes. But he also showed me photos of his former girlfriend and she was a knock-out. Very, very, pretty girl. They were going to move, but invited me to move with them.

I went to a drug deal. One where I saw all the stuff. It was the first and only one I've ever seen. The guy was at an apartment and I saw the bags of coke and marijuana. He thought I was cool and he liked me. He was from NY. I called my son in the middle of the drug deal, while they were working out arrangements. It just made me feel weird, to be in the middle, and the first thing I thought about was my son. I talked to him for awhile.

Then, I was going to go along until I could get in on a party with the lawyers and Judges, but that would've taken time to gain trust and I wasn't willing to sacrifice other things to do that. I got enough, I thought. I got a name, and though I didn't know for sure it was true, I think it was the right name. I also figured someone else could do the detective work, not me.

She was behind on her utilities bill, and couldn't get the money from her family. So she announced she was going to go where she knew she could get the money, even though she knew she would have to do something sick for it. So she went to the Judges. One of them wanted to be her FT sugardaddy. When she came back, after staying the night, she said she had the money but she was depressed. I asked her what had happened and she didn't want to talk about it. Then she did. The Judge had told her they'd discuss her bill "later" and let her know he wanted her to have sex with him. So she said he wanted to do unnatural things, and did coke, and he wouldn't give her the money until she had performed the sexual favors.

I was angry that the Judge had taken advantage of someone in a vulnerable position and that's when I decided I was reporting him and I was getting the hell out of there.

So I did. I reported them to the Albuquerque FBI field office. Why should I trust the FBI? But I didn't know who else to tell. I wasn't going to give my name but they kept asking and said it wouldn't be very legit without it. I figured telling them my name would only screw things up and that they'd find something in my file and not take me seriously. But they wanted to know how I'd gotten to NM and who I was staying with. I told them, but only to protect THEM. I wasn't reporting the people who I stayed with. I felt the Judges and attorneys were the target. Those were the hypocrites. I didn't do it to get Val in trouble. I did it out of respect for Val. And out of respect for the public who put their faith in these judges and lawyers. Only Alburquerque would know, perhaps, if the right people were held accountable. I gave names so someone could infiltrate if necessary. I am writing about it now because I also think someone should make sure the FBI did their job, because I have no way of knowing and I would hate to find out lower level people were jailed and other people let off. It's been several months, so they enough time to get in and do the work to make a bust if they were going to do anything.

And I got a ride out that night. I left behind some things. When I was making my call to report, there were people around watching me. I had hooked up a laptop and I think someone traced me there. I got the laptop from a guy in Blaine, who, when The Hedonist said it was in the shop, and I didn't have one, offered to let me use his laptop indefinitely instead of having to go to the library. I could tell The Hedonist didn't want me to have it, and when I left, I left with it. By the time I was hooking it up, in NM, the other trucker had stolen all the documents for the laptop.

From a Nm truck stop I ended up with a good guy who took me most of the way and then another guy paid for a bus ticket to D.C. and then I was to go to Georgia. I was going to Georgia because they appeard to have a decent medical system if I had to go on state aid, but I stayed in D.C. after I landed in town and went out to dinner with some Catholic people who had been on the bus with me.

I didn't know where I was staying for the night, and this one Catholic young woman offered her apartment to me for the night. So I went to dinner with all of them, in Chinatown, and then stayed at her place, and then I was on my own. I had about $100 on me. I thought I could stay at a women's shelter in Bethesda and went that direction, but when I got there, they told me it was only for women with children with them.

As I walked back to the bus stop, I talked with several yard maintenance workers who spoke Spanish, and I took names and numbers of those who said their families could put me up temporarily. I was creating my options as I went along. But I wanted to get over to the Naval hospital, where the center for radiation research was. So I kept walking and took a bus to the NIH campus and then walked over to the Navy Hospital, where I met the front guard, who became my roommate, that very night, and we never did a thing either.

I never asked to stay with him. I'll tell you how the offer came up...

American Justice: Duke University Rape

Here is an example of American Justice:

A group of privileged young men from the East Coast (one who went to the same private school the Thebault's sent their kids to) hire a stripper and rape her. She's black and she reports the crime. The case gets dismissed because the elite parents of the Duke students pay for private attorneys to slander the woman, bringing her race into it, and claiming she'd made similiar claims before, or she was of ill-repute. Having prior claims doesn't mean none of these things happened, it just means it gave others further incentive to abuse her and think they would never get caught. The prosecutor gets punished and is barraged with calls to be fired, for being "over zealous" and not having enough "evidence". My opinion, is that this woman was abused, told the truth, and then was slandered by the money-makers.

Contrast that with the people who have their kids taken away from them, with zero evidence and grounds, and no one yells about an "over zealous" prosecution. No one cares what the motives of those making reports either.

TTSOML #249: 18-Wheels And A Bed Of Roses

I've already written about what I did to get to Washington D.C., I believe, so this will be a sparse repetition.

First, caught a ride from fellow townhouse renters to gas station. From gas station to Everett with wonderful Canadian truck driver. From there to Albuquerque, NM with the crazy driver who stole computer information and told me to get help from Catholic Charities. From there, stayed in NM for about 1 week. From there, moved on with former military guy from NM to someplace like Penn or VA or something. From there, a guy bought me a ticket to take a bus to Atlanta, with a stop at D.C.

I will fill in details of where I stayed for that week in NM and what happened, and then I'll move on to how I ended up in D.C. and what enabled me to stay here and why I changed plans about going to Georgia.

I did a lot of sleeping, because on the semi's there were 2 bunks, so I could sleep while they were driving. I couldn't sit very long before needing to lie down on my side. So it was definitely NOT like taking a bus across the country. There was a bed to lie down on almost the whole way, and then, on the bus, I got buses where there were two seats next to eachother so I could lie to the side.

I'll make two separate posts from this: one about NM and one about landing in D.C.

TTSOML #248: Leaving Washington State For Washington D.C.

My roommate knew I was leaving. He wanted to know where I was going. I said maybe Georgia or someplace like that. He thought I should work at this place where he worked as a ranch hand, in Wyoming, at a dude ranch. I figured I'd be stuck out there.

I had made several attempts to get legal help in Washington, to no avail.

My family was a bunch of schmucks.

I had tried to get fair medical care in Washington, to no avail.

My attempts to get Change of Venue were cut off by Wenatchee and I was cut off from visitation of my son. I wasn't even able to see him because they refused to accomodate my medical disabilities which were worsened by travel.

I couldn't go to Wenatchee because I'd be further screwed and would lose my son forever, as I couldn't get care there and they would only try to involuntarily commit me or get one of the psychs they knew to recommend it. I would have no chance.

There was never any "impulsivity" to anything I did. I did research, I made plans, and if plans fell through, I was quick to act to extricate myself from a worse mess.

There was no "instability" in my moving around. I had been forced into this position by CPS, not by my own actions. Wenatchee and other groups were involved and it was out of my control. I only had a choice in how to respond to being forced out of a viable and sustainable position.

People throughout history have been through this before. There are individuals, and if not individuals, groups of people who are pushed out of jobs, medical cre, and justice, through no fault of their own. It happens in other countries and it happens in this country. It happens to lower-class Americans who are quite vulnerable and without resources, and it even happens to upper-class Americans who have disposable income.

Think about Valerie Plame (I wrote to her lawyers to encourage them when I was going through all of own things, when I was still living in Wenatchee).
About FBI woman Colleen.
About other FBI women and in other companies or organizations, who report sexual harassment. Anita Hill. Where is she now? He still got to be Judge.
About Sibel Edmonds.
About Monica Lewinsky (who, it could be argued, was partly at fault but partly victimized too).
About the woman who sat in a chair to protest the Iraq War after her son died. Nothing will replace that son, not even other children.

I'm thinking about all of the women, but there are men too, who know whistleblowing is a sure way to gain instant enemies. And there are groups who are prejudiced against because they are viewed as a threat in some way. Majority Catholics pushed Protestants out of Quebec and they were forced out of jobs and insurance and had to relocate into what is now Toronto. Jews, gypsies, disabled, and others, were pushed out of their homes and countries. Genocide happens, where not just one person is killed, but thousands killed, in wars that have little or no justification.

I could keep my mouth shut, but I think there is a reason I end up getting discovery on so many things. And I choose to talk, in order to push for corrections and justice.

If God gives you a talent, you're supposed to use it. I try to use not only my talents, but what information I'm given, for good. It pisses some people off, but I feel it is what I'm supposed to do.

There has never been any "instability" in my actions. I have been a survivor, despite countless and ongoing attempts to quash me or force me to conform to passivity or else be branded mentally ill.

If I had money, I'd pay for lawyers to help me, like the others do. But even they, often go into debt fighting their way out the trap set for them by those who don't appreciate their "work". Whose fault is it? Is the fault of the one who speaks up about the truth? Or is it the fault of those who attempt to punish truthtellers?

I suppose all whistleblowers could be branded as "narcisstists", for daring to speak up against others, for thinking they are "better" or that others should be "better than that".

TTSOML #247: Chinese Restaurant

I worked there for a couple of months until I was shot in the butt by a coworker and then I worked at the refinery until I was trying to cut back on hours because it was hurting my back, and then I left.

I called the guy and said I was leaving but it had been a pleasure to work for them. He said I'll still have a job if I came back.

They were good people to work for, but I had to leave to get into an area where I might be able to find assistance.

The Chinese woman I worked for, Ms. Kim, was a fine boss. A lot of people quit working for her and there was very high turnover but I learned a lot while I was there, and it had been a more social job, which I appreciated.

It was good for it's time and I made pretty good tips.

TTSOML #246: Whatcom Doctor

I was fired from my job housekeeping, "banned" from the deli, and had my things thrown out all on the same day. I found a new place to live, with a computer, and found a new job, on my own, within 24 hours.

My new roommate, The Hedonist, was shocked I had a job so fast. He said how did that happen and I told him. He didn't like the idea though and mocked a waitressing job. He said I needed a "real job" and I said I didn't even know that I could physically handle a FT job yet because of physical problems. He said I needed insurance, and everything else.

I noticed, when I got a doctor from the local clinic in Whatcom County, the doctor was the same one he had. I said, "Hey! We have the same doctor!" It was the young new doctor from Canada.

I liked my doctor and thought he was very understanding. He was also completely understanding about helping write me a consent to go on marijuana for migraines. I didn't first ask him about that--I asked him about getting a referral for an OBGYN or ortho guy. Then he asked if there was anything else and I thought I'd ask. He was very agreeable.

Until Wenatchee found out who my doctor was. Then, all of a sudden, his attitude towards me changed. He suddenly didn't want to give me a doctor's note for the consent and when he finally did, after trying to avoid me, he only wrote that he felt I should have further "evaluation" for medicinal marijuana, which wasn't, as he would know, enough for me to be able to take to a state-regulated place like Green Cross and get a legal prescription. So I felt someone was talking to him about me and not saying good things either.

Then too, my release of information kept getting "lost" at this clinic. On multiple occasions.

When I went to the OBGYN in Whatcom County, I knew something was up. People in Wenatchee, and my roommate and my boss at Vacation Internationale, knew I was trying to get diagnostics of injuries and where I was going.

When I met the OBGYN, the only one they had (that narrows things down a bit, on detective work for others), stood there and said why did I want an examination and that she felt it wasn't really necessary.

I thought, how does she know whether it's necessary if she hasn't even checked me? So she spent about 20 minutes trying to convince me to NOT have an exam done by her, which I thought was very odd. I told her I believed it WAS necessary and that I had prolapse and it needed evaluation and that I also wanted a referral to someone regarding my tailbone and bone problems. She examined me, finally, and said I was prolapsed but it was more of a bladder problem than a cystocele. Then, she said she would give me a referral to a specialist who handles urinary matters, but she refused to give me a referral for a bone specialist. Despite the fact I had a broken and displaced tailbone, pelvic fractures, and a herniated disc in my spine--and i told her about ALL these things, she did NOT want me to have access to diagnostics for bones.

Which was very odd. First she didn't even want to do a pelvic exam and argued against doing one for almost a half hour. Who does this?

I then tried to get a referral from my PCP, the same one my roommate went to, and he refused as well and backtracked on his medical marijuana consent. And then my records and releases of information kept disappearing from their offices.

After this, it was clear to me I could not get medical care in Washington State. It was not just Wenatchee. These doctors tried to influence the outcome of my care no matter WHERE I went, throughout the entire state. I had exhausted all remedies and made more than a good faith effort to find medical care in another Washington location, and it was impossible.

Someone didn't want there to be any diagnostics for what happened to the bones in my body, during childbirth. It was evidence of traumatic childbirth and these people didn't want any further evidence to be obtained.

I started working at the Chinese Restaurant and liked it but then I was shot in the butt by an employee. During this time, my roommate kept wanting me to work FT. I don't know, to prove I "could" work FT? Or what?

Then he wanted me to work at the refinery, and after I was shot in the butt, he said I couldn't continue to work there. He said he would get me a job at the refinery so I started working there, but I wasn't able to work FT for long and then I left work because of migraine one day (I was going off and on with marijuana to see if it was really the factor in preventing my migraines).

I don't know who was talking to my doctor. I'd like to say Wenatchee, but it could have been my roommate even. How do I know?

TTSOML #245: Before The Chinese Restaurant--Teenage Predator

While I was still in Blaine, before I worked at the oil refinery, I worked at a Chinese restaurant.

I went from housekeeping at Vacation Internationale to getting a job shortly after moving in with The Hedonist.

Actually, the very same day I lost my job at Vacation Internationale, I got hired to start up waitressing. I had gone for a walk and saw they needed help and the woman hired me on the spot and said I could start work the next day.

I was "let go" from housekeeping after my Canadian supervisor, Tamara, left. I think, besides a possible Wenatchee connection, there was something else the manager was possibly concerned about.

Both Tamara and I knew something about him.

I had been ordering something from a deli next-door when I started talking to a cashier who was very pretty. She asked me where I worked and I told her and she asked if s0-and-so was my boss. I said yes, he was and she told me he gave her the creeps. I asked why and she said that even though he knew she was underage, he'd gotten ahold of her facebook or myspace page and was sending her suggestive emails. She said he did the same thing when he talked to her in person, and she didn't know why, because he knew she was too young. She had a boyfriend of her own as well.

I thought this was sort of interesting, and wondered if he was a predator of some kind. I mean, did he just like her, or did he do this with other teenagers too?

I was going to keep it to myself but Tamara was dying to know. I told her, and then she said she knew who it was. She told me it was disturbing to her because she had heard similiar things from other young women--I don't know how--but she did.

So we shared a secret, which, I think, got out, because he was then very rude to me and started gossiping about me to the owner of the deli. It was pretty bizarre because while I had gotten along with the workers there, and they wanted to hang out with me and gave me their phone numbers, the owner, a woman, who was Catholic, had been talking with my manager, and she one day told me I wasn't welcome in the deli anymore. I had been sitting there talking to her husband and he asked what the problem was. He didn't even know. But I had seen the manager guy discussing me with the woman owner and figured something bad was being said about me.

So, it could have been that things ended because of his Wenatchee and Leavenworth contacts, because he was well-known in those very small towns, or it could have been a combination in that he learned some people knew about his attempts to procure sexual favors from teenage girls.

I don't know if Tamara reported it to someone. I didn't tell anyone, except her, until now.

He was either married or in a very long-term relationship and his permanent residence was in Leavenworth. I had actually thought there was something going on between him and Tamara but she said no way. She quit sometime after we had this discussion about him and I was out of a job after she left.

my music today

Listening to The Cure again this morning. Started with "Close to Me" once and then multiple rounds of "Just Like Heaven". This is a song I can hear and I can't help tapping or moving my foot around, but I can write against it too.

Well, I have to write some things. I need some coffee first. I'm just goofing around so far.

After listening to a lot of the cure, I'm listening to Tori Amos's "Cornflake Girl". Now "A Sort of Fairytale".

Lessons In Cartels From Columbia Catholics

I'm still helping the Afghani women with their computer, but later today after I get more TTSOMLs done. I got a ride from some Catholic neighbors today. Really nice, interesting people. Crucifix hanging from their rearview mirror. I really liked them--good people. From Columbia and another country too, and very knowledgeable about the narcotics industry and cartels.

Very fun conversation. And they worked in the White House at one time. But the best part was hearing all they know about cartels and the trade.

I learned there are 3 major cartels in Columbia, and a bunch of other stuff.

Fired With Bait & Switch & Spiderwoman

My boss told me not to come to work until Monday and then she fired me for not coming into work.

Here's hoping she realizes this was a mistake and that it wasn't right to fire me for this reason. I found out this morning I was "fired". I had all these messages on my phone that I hadn't picked up because I had turned my phone off.

I turned my phone off because I didn't have to worry about calls from work, after my boss (the woman supervisor) told me, yesterday, when I showed up for work (on time) that she didn't need me because it was going to be a very slow day and she would just see me on Monday.

I was supposed to work that whole day. My name was on the calendar there, to cover for a guy who worked the night shift, and I was also going to work the morning too, which was my regular shift.

She told me she had enough people, so I figured she had enough servers for lunch and that the other person who comes in for evening was going to cover.

She told me in person, not to come in until Monday, and I have several messages on my cell, one which specifically says don't come in until Monday.

So after I left, I turned off my phone, and started working on other things, and I guess she started leaving messages last night, but I didn't get them until this morning. The messages say not to come to work, and then she's calling me asking where I am. She says she didn't know I was covering for this one guy that night and that I must have forgotten. Then she calls and says there must have been a misunderstanding and she says she'll just see me Monday night. THEN she leaves ANOTHER message, saying she's firing me because it was my "responsibility" to know I was working for _____. Then she leaves another message saying she realized she'd left a message saying she'd see me on Monday, but that I should have known to show up for work that night.

I had a total of 7 messages from her, and texts, saying to not come in until Monday night, and then reversing and saying I "should have known" and I'm fired.

What the hell. She knew as well as anyone else, that I was covering for this guy and my name was on the WORK calendar. It says, "________ off; Cam covering".

She's the manager. She knows what our schedules are. And if she hadn't specifically told me NOT to come in until Monday, I would have left my cell phone on and could have picked up her messages and gone to work. I would have worked, even though I'd been told I didn't HAVE to work, and to go home.

She knows I don't want to lose my job and everyone at work knows she doesn't like me. I'm hoping she changes her mind, given the fact she left me all these messages and texts, and understanding there was no way for me "to know" she didn't have enough people or OTHER people who were covering the night shift. On all my night shifts, there's always 2 people working, so I figured the other person was working and she thought one was enough because she said it was going to be so dead.

I would think, if this wasn't INTENTIONAL, she will change her mind. I sent her a text, explaining why I didn't come in. But if she doesn't change her mind, I don't see how this is anything but a mean way to use bait and switch to fire someone and claim it's their fault.

Not only that, she knows I'm pregnant and that I need the money, and what my situation is. I wasn't looking for another job because SHE told me she still needed me and that she was only hiring a couple of extra servers because it would be busy for inauguration and the new administration.

I'm thinking another thing could be that the father of my baby doesn't want me there now that I've outed him as the father, and his "spiderwoman" works there at the bar. Maybe she's not too happy her swinger partner got someone else pregnant. She hated me BEFORE, and customers noticed, so imagine NOW. Basically, I outed him after she left for a vacation and she was supposed to be back by Sunday or this next week.

I can just see her, screaming at him: "You're supposed to FUCK other women, not IMPREGNATE them, you BASTARD! ARRRrrrggghhhhhhhh!!!!!"

Maybe she'll be contributing to his child support check.

LOL. Oh yeah, and he was asking me to keep everything secret, and said, "Can't you just tell people that you don't know who the father is?"

Yeah right. That was a courtesy I gave to Daddy #1 and it was appropriate for protecting a family. I'm not going to trash myself and make myself sound like a tramp who doesn't know who the Daddy is AGAIN, for someone who wants to keep a love child on the low for purposes of keeping a sexy swinger profile and to stay in good with Spiderwoman, oh and the other girlfriend he was dumping and trashing on account of me on the side. Who I think he's back with, having cajoled his way into her grip. God. TeenAGERS. I refused to have anything to do with him after I got pregnant and my radars all went up. I think it's biology, telling the woman to assess whether the man is dependable or not. At any rate, I wouldn't sleep with him after that and when he even asked me to lunch, I told him I wasn't going anywhere with him until he sobered up. I also told his friends, that if they were really his friends, they wouldn't enable him.

The first Dad got really mad at me when I grabbed all his beer bottles and threw them against the pavement outside, smashing them all to bits. "What are you DOING?" he said. He was livid and it was Nacho who talked to him for hours, telling him I had done the right thing. Nacho respected me for it.

When I lived with an 18 year old roommate in Portland, Oregon, and had to call her parents to take her to ER because she was throwing up bile from overdrinking (which she did a lot, but this was the first time with bile), her father later asked me where the alcohol was. I think it had been his vodka. A huge Costco sized bottle. I told him honestly, "I dumped it down the sink". I dumped the whole thing of vodka down the sink. Glug, glug, glug, that demon liquor! lol.

This guy, I just grabbed his drinks and started throwing them into the trash and then the bin. Which, is mabye something management didn't like, my cramping anyone's style when everyone drinks on the job, including her.

Daddeo #3 has GOT to be the one keeps. LOL. Third time's a charm right? Yeah, I'm already setting my sights on #3. My black cook friends keep telling me: "Go black and you'll never go back." I'll keep that in mind. I'm raising a Benetton family.

(okay, I'm really just having fun with this last paragraph--Im not planning on having another Daddy)

Friday, November 28, 2008

TTSOML #244: Ignored By All P.D.s and Judge

I need to get up to what happened and how I had been trying to secure counsel, before the Judge hung up on me and I took off for D.C.

After the Judge pressured me, on the spot, to withdraw any intent to file Bar complaints against Cassel and Wellbaum, I gave in. I panicked and didn't know what else to do. So I agreed to take these lawyers back, and the Judge first ensured I would not be reporting Cassel or Wellbaum. After I hung up, I felt sick to my stomach.

It hit me what had just happened. I had been coerced to quit a complaint or report. And these lawyers had not changed. Nothing good would come of it. I had been wrong to agree, but it had been wrong of Judge Hotchkiss to pressure and intimidate me to go along, on the spot.

I considered what to do.

I sent an email letting them know I didn't think what had happened was right and I was going ahead with my complaints, but I needed to know how to let the Judge know before the next trial, because I didn't even know if the Judge had been trying to reassign one of the P.D.s or the other. In telling me not to report Wellbaum or Cassel, was he then assigning one of them or both to my case? I didn't know and I sent email after email trying to find out who had my file and who was allegedly responsible and where the hell it was.

I got no answer, from anyone.

Cassel didn't respond. Wellbaum didn't respond. The Judge didn't respond. They all ignored me.

I became desperate, because I didn't know who I was even supposed to fire because I didn't know who was supposedly representing me. Also, if I was making complaints against either of them, or intended to, one of them had already told me it was unethical for them to represent me. They told me this after I'd already tried to fire them. I also asked the court, repeatedly, for new counsel before the next hearing, and the court refused to answer me.

All of them ignored me, for one whole month, until the day of the hearing for Contested Sheltercare and Preliminary Fact Finding.

Not only did they ignore my requests to know who had been allegedly representing me, they ignored my request to send me ANY and ALL discovery to my mailing address, so I was able to defend myself, knowing what they were trying to say.

I didn't have any discovery, and I'd asked for my case file as well, in case I needed it, prior to hearing, and no one answered my email.

I appeared at the teleconference and the Judge already knew what my situation was. But he hadn't told me what he was planning to do, one way or the other. No one had answered my emails, so it was the first when I heard the Judge say I had to go pro se, right then and there.

I had ZERO discovery before me, and none of the P.D.s had mailed me this info. I told the Judge I wanted REASONABLE PUBLIC DEFENSE and said I had looked up the statutes and laws and it was not good enough to have "any" public defense. It was required to be "reasonable defense" and there were certain criteria which had to be met. I had also reviewed under which grounds it could be argued "reasonable defense" had not been obtained or received. It was very easy for me to argue, given the provisions, that I had not received reasonable defense. I had grounds to argue for another P.D.

But the Judge snapped that I was "Pro Se", and it was on the spot that he said this. I was very distressed. I told the Judge I "objected" and that I did not want to go pro se and was not prepared to do so, and I said I wanted counsel, reasonable defense. The Judge kept saying I had to be pro se and I kept saying I objected. Then the phone went dead. The Judge had hung up on me.

I called back, wondering if it had been a mistake, or if, in fact, the Judge had hung up on me. When I called back, the clerk was very snotty to me and said the Judge HAD hung up on me because I wouldn't proceed and when I asked if I could be let back into the hearing, she said she'd check. She put me on hold and when she got back to me, after saying she'd sent the Judge an email to ask him, he had written back or told her the hearing was proceeding without me.

I had been coerced to take defense the Judge knew I already planned to report. Then when I announced I'd been wrong to give in to intimidation, I was ignored for a month. Then, without any discovery for my case, I was told, on the spot, to go pro se for an important hearing. One that laid the groundwork for everything else.

The judge hung up on me and then wouldn't let me back into the hearing, even after I called back. They were proceeding, without any defense for me and my son. They were railroading me all along the way. It was wrong. It was illegal and it was morally wrong.

After that, I knew I was leaving. I had to get out of Washington State and see if someone could help me somewhere else. I wanted to get blood analysis done too, and it could only be done in the D.C. area, I thought, at a particular place that did this. I didn't have money, but I hoped maybe someone would help me.

Things didn't turn out as planned, but they are not, now, as bad as they could be either. I feel there is still a chance to turn this around, but it is only by getting others involved at this point.

I can't do it alone. I also cannot rely on Wenatchee or Washington justice. I have to file complaints and see who might be able to assist.

But after the Judge hung up on me, I thought that was pretty much as good as saying I didn't matter, or exist, and that my voice carried no weight. Next thing I knew, for all I knew, they could try to involuntarily commit me, and I wasn't going to stick around to see that happen.

I was also out of a computer prior to the hearing, but I ended up having good luck, by meeting up with someone who was kind and generous enough to loan their laptop to me for several months. I would have never been able to get this truth out, which may be read by some of the "right" people, somewhere, if it wasn't for him, and I won't say his name because I'd rather protect my sources.

Some other things happened in Whatcom County too, which I'll write about briefly. Then I'll describe how I got to D.C. and managed to survive here.

For Your Information, Swingers

Get thee behind me swingers and hedonists.

When I said I get "bored", it was not about whatever you had in mind. I somehow have become a swinger magnet.

I'm NOT a swinger and I want one interesting man who can also be faithful and satisfied with ONE person.

I'm very independent, and I'm understanding of the lifestyles of others, but I'm not, personally, a swinger.

Got it? Good. Now leave me alone.

TTSOML #243: Moving In With "The Hedonist"

While the legal drama was ongoing, the situation at the single Dad's place was wearing thin. The kids, who one of the neighbors called "feral", were going through a lot as they began seeing their biological mother again, after she'd abandoned them for quite some time. So they were acting out more, even though they were glad to see their mom. What was true in their case, is that they'd all been old enough to remember her leaving and they could process she was supposed to come to visit, and was local, but chose not to. Then, I had over $100 disappear from my bag. I don't know who did it, but I just asked the Dad about it, and he thought I was accusing HIM, and I wasn't. I was only asking if he'd seen it anywhere. Then his friends were out-of-control and he wanted me to leave ASAP as his girlfriend had given him an ultimatum that I had to be out or SHE was out.

So, big drama.

I had, by that time, met someone at a local bar, during the day actually, or summer's eve, which was still daylight, and while I was reading books by Christopher Hitchens. I now sort of wonder if it was a set up or what. I still don't know what to think about the whole situation or the guy even, except that nothing was what it seemed to be.

I don't know if he even liked me at all or not, even though he claimed to, because it was a lot of weird mind games. And lies.

With the other places I'd stayed, I knew they weren't immediatly connected to anything about me, or so I figured. But this other situation, I sort of wonder about. For one thing, I'd been in the town for awhile and people knew which bar I went to. I would go and have maybe one drink every now and then and talk to people.

I was very interested in the writings of Hitchens at that point, and had expressed dismay that no one else, at least in that area, even knew who he was.

All of a sudden, I'm sitting at the bar, after taking my books with me, having walked a distance with them in hand. I set them to the side and ordered a salad or some seafood, or maybe it was both. In came this guy, who I didn't notice much at first until he expressed shock I was reading Hitchens.

I was shocked he knew Hitchens. What I didn't know, at that time, that he was a consummate atheist. Not just so-so atheist, but die-hard, "I HATE RELIGION! and those stupid religious people!", or, so he said. I sometimes wondered exactly which parts of his life were an act, and which parts were not.

I wondered if he was married, or not. I wondered if he was actually Canadian, or not. I wondered if he was involved in the mob, or not. I wondered if he was undercover police. I wondered if he was a bona-fide gigilo. I wondered who the hell he was. One thing was for sure--he liked putting on an act.

He wore a Frank Sinatra style hat and clothing sort of from the 1950s. Oh, I also wondered if he was some kind of border patrol or homeland security, or really just a regular security guy who wanted to be all these other things.

Discovering his Adult Friend Finders profile put quite a lot of things into perspective. But I didn't find out about this until the end.

I thought we had made a really good and unique connection, as did, supposedly, he. He said he had a spare bedroom and was thinking of renting it out but said I could stay there until I was on my feet. He knew where I was living, with those kids, and said it just wasn't right. But then he said he really, really, liked me and wanted to "date" me properly and didn't know how it would be if I was a roommate.

Well, he found out, and I certaintly found out a lot too.

Basically, my things were thrown out at the single Dad's house with no notice and he announced his girlfriend was moving in the next day. Nice way of telling me.

So I called this guy up and moved in. I think all we'd done was make out. He said it was the best, most passionate making out he'd ever experienced and that he'd never been so turned on, so fast. He said he forgot it could ever be that way. On my part, well, I'd had a little bit to drink.

But, I moved in and I still hadn't been with anyone for years, since I became pregnant with my son. I thought we had an intellectual connection, even though I wasn't especially attracted to him physically. I went out with him a couple of times, and then, things happened, and I have to say the making out was better than the rest of it. But, because I don't like to move around with men, I thought maybe something would develop and I was extremely stressed out and hadn't had sex in a very long time.

But it got weird. As soon as it happened, he was cold-shoulder and weird about things. He told me he was half Italian, half Irish and that these photos of girls were his nieces. I kept thinking they were his daughters. He had a letter from one of the girls on his fridge, "To Santa"...or actually, it was cut out from a newspaper ad she had placed to Santa. I just wondered.

He claimed he'd been almost engaged to this one girlfriend but she was Christian and it just didn't work out because he realized he was more atheist than he knew at first, and was annoyed by her Christian books lying around. He told me he had only a high school education, but he was reading philosophy books, classics, and atheist stuff. And a lot of history and military history.

He worked at the foreign trade zone of an oil refinery in Blaine, Washington. He was supposed to be regular security, but I wonderd, because he was in the foreign trade zone area where ships come in, and it's more restricted.

I felt that while he claimed to be wanting to help me get on my feet, he was playing mind games and messing around with me. He became, almost overnight, critical and cold, and I began to wonder if he was gay, bisexual, or just lying about not going out with other women. He had been raised by a Lutheran mother he said, and I believe his father had been Catholic. Italian Catholic, I assume, because his last name was Italian.

I even wondered if he was some kind of drug dealer, because he'd disappear and go places without explanation, and it didn't add up. He also never kept any unopened food in his house. He only ate from bottled or packaged food that was individually wrapped or contained and never ate leftovers. His water and juice and soda came from individual bottles, and every food item he had or bought, was wrapped, except for a couple of apples I guess. Which doesn't have to mean anything, but if it was opened by me, like a bag of peanuts, he wouldn't eat it.

Then, he was throwing up in the bathroom without explanation and I found blood spatters once, on the tub and cabinet.

He claimed he'd been interested in me, but thought I was more of a go-getter and that I was an atheist. I had never told him I was an atheist.

At any rate, he gave me a key to his place, and didn't charge me for things, but then was trying to get me to move out ahead of when he'd said I would move. He also said he'd found his mistress, to me once. So of course I wondered if he had a wife. He also came up with this NY or Boston accent a couple of times, it slipped out, intentionally or not, and I called it, and then he'd say oh, he spent a couple months there once. I've never heard of a long-standing accent that develops and is retained after living a location for "a couple of months".

He seemed protective and concerned about me on one hand, and then on the other hand, he was a weird-o. He also knew how to pronounce a lot of foreign words correctly, which was odd for someone who was only a high school graduate, and he subscribed to a lot of political magazines: the economist, the nation, and a bunch of science and pharmo-and oil mags, and newsweek, and a bunch of other things.

So I was using his computer at first and then there were major problems on it and he blamed me. I've no doubt it WAS my fault, indirectly, because someone was obviously hacking again, and no matter where I went, it happened.

I actually really liked him, but he kept pushing me away, and he would even say, "Why do I push you away?" and I got tired of it.

He helped me get a job at the oil refinery and it was a job in the door to find something else in there. It was pretty safe, because it was fully secured, and the people working there, in general, were good people. I liked working with all the guys and thought the refinery was interesting. He wanted me to work FT and I tried, but my body was breaking down and I don't think he believed me at first, that I had all these injuries.

Because of the throwing up and the blood, I wondered if he was killing people, or they were being killed and he was trying to save them, or he was doing cocaine, or what. He later claimed he had pancreatic cancer, but then he later denied it, so what the hell.

The other thing which was weird, and not funny weird, but scary weird, was that he gave me a pair of flannel pants to wear to bed, which were the same ones or same styel as the kind Mike Tancer had given me to wear, a few years earlier. The exact same pattern. He also gave me slippers which were the same kind Tancer had been wearing when I first met him (it was a pajama party at a dance club). Also, this guy had a copy of the same book I had, which I'd shown Tancer at my house once, of forests. And then, towards the end, after sleeping with me once, he left out a copy of the Headless Horseman or whatever that book is, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" which Tancer had referred to often at the time I knew him and some people after that made references to this book and I wondered why. He left this in a place where I would find it, with a placemark for the Legend, and this wasn't anywhere near Halloween. It was summer.

There was something I couldn't trust about this guy, but I didn't know what it was. Then, on top of that, I found out he was sleeping around. I typically didn't nose around in other people's things. Not once did I go through the bedrooms of the woman I stayed with, or the single Dad's bedroom. I respect the privacy of others, in general. But my curiousity got the better of me and I went to the computer history file one night.

I found links to a lot of British sites. Which reminds me, I wondered if he was a spy for the UK too. He was reading a LOT of news stuff from the BBC and other UK publications. Very prodigious reading for a high school graduate. And he loved that stupid show (sorry), "Black Adder".

I think it also crossed my mind once that he'd relocated to the West Coast after the planes crashed in NYC. My room, the guestroom, was full of NYC Yankee baseball stuff. Prior to working at the refinery, he'd worked at an Italian restaurant in Bellingham, near the harbor.

In addition to the british newsstuff, which he seemed nervous about my discovering and tried to brush off with a seeming nonchalant comment one day (after he probably realized I'd had a look), I found some clips of porn and his Adult Friend Finders.

I was lucky enough that I found a link which went not to just the profile which the public could read, but the master profile, where even more info was located, such as the time and dates of subscription renewals.

GO WOMEN EVERYWHERE!!!! YEeeeessS! We will find you OUT, cheaters.

I found out, this guy had an active account, and had been active before and after he met me. He was never serious about me, despite his comments to the contrary. AND, he described himself as a SWINGER, and not just any old swinger either. He had marked all these boxes for things he liked to do, and it was completely different from how he was with me and what he said he liked.

For one thing, too, he was open to orgies, 3-somes, some stuff with men watching, married or unmarrieds, and he was into some BDSM as well (which was certaintly never anything he shared with ME). He also had written he was willing to travel to Portland, Oregon; Everett, Washington; Seattle, Washington; and Vancouver, B.C. for these activities. Actually, I think he said he travelled frequently and had "business" in these areas. I thought to myself, "These are all field offices for the FBI. Except Vancouver, B.C...Hmm".

Then I also found out, he'd done some swinging in Portland, Oregon. If it's true, it's possible he "swang" in Tancer's circles, if Tancer takes after his Dad and is a swinger too. I don't know.

The other weird thing, is that this guy told me his Meyers-Briggs personality profile was something other than what he'd listed on AFF. He was TWO different PEOPLE and he didn't want ME to know which, what, or who he really was. Either that, or he was just unbalanced and created more drama for himself than necessary, to alleviate his own concerns about leading a boring life.

On AFF, he listed himself as an ESTJ or ENTJ (can't remember). To me, he said almost the opposite. Oh, and his title for his profile included the word "Hedonist". And his face is right out there in the OPEN, for everyone to see, and he's standing behind the kitchen bar with a pottery barn style green swatch of pine, and he's wearing a cable knit sweater and holding a thick ceramic coffee mug, with a smile on his face.

I found evidence of ongoing contacts with women, with outgoing "winks" and whatever, and messages. The guy was a dishonest hook-up FIEND.

He took me out to a club or bar once or twice, and there were guys there that seemed to know him. After I talked to a group, they all looked at him, and one said to him that I was the dangerous one or he was going to be in over his head with me or something.


Oh, and he was a leftie. Left-handed and liked to draw. I guess he had a bunch of artwork but I never saw any of it. He mainly worked with pen and pastels.

When I met him at the bar I asked him to draw something on the napkin and he drew a glass half-empty or half-full I don't know.

His mother was in the picture and his Dad was either dead, supposedly, or out of the picture. His uncle, he said, was a police officer, when I told him he had a cop personality once.

So anyway, hedonist, willing to travel. It is possible he was hooking up with Ms. Wellbaum even. LOL. He might even know Paul Cassel. I mean, come on, how big is the national swinging community anyway?

He did tell me about a couple of his experiences once, when I was with him, but he lied about still being involved in it.

And then I caught him with the waitress/bartender from town, the same one who had been so friendly to me and given me a pair of hot pink pants (which I never wore). I came home unexpectedly because of migraine, and Lo! and behold! her car is parked in his spot, and she's dressed up with her hair done and I noticed a cop car parked across the street too, with no cop in sight. I'll bet you anything, there was either a little sexcapade going on with a local officer, OR, if it's true nothing ws going on, as he claimed, something else undercover. But he was putting things off on me, like I was imagining things and then I found his AFF profile.

He had military dog tags for someone, on his dresser, and a gun, but I never saw where his gun was. He had a case for it, which I saw, and I saw bullets, but no gun.

Towards the end, he acted sometimes like he liked me. He would cave in, it seemed, and he said he loved me once, and then tried to deny it. He said, "I love you" and it wasn't to get me into bed. I don't know if it was another mind game. He also said, once, "You found your sugar daddy" but then he'd be so distant and here I am wondering if he's dying of cancer and then he says no he's not.


He seemed to want me to be careful, at least to some degree, and wanted to know where I was going if I left. I told him, one day, he was going to wake up and I would just be gone. This was after he'd pushed me to my limit. Then he once claimed I hadn't been honest with him, about who I was, and I said yes I had and I'd kept nothing from him, and then I let it fly out, "Well I didn't you YOU were a self-professed HEDONIST!" to which he stared and then started on some intellectual defense of what the vocabulary word "hedonist" really means.

The only other weird thing he said was, after he told me he had pancreatic cancer, he couldn't "feel things" anymore, and felt numb. He said he'd practiced putting a gun to his head, and if the timing was right, he would do it, at end of life. After that, he tells me he doesn't have cancer. He tells me instead that his mother thinks he's bipolar (this is so weird because in some ways he sounds like the guy I later met in D.C., after I left.)

At any rate, I was a little depressed I'd broken my streak of celibacy for that. It wasn't worth it, to me. I wasn't looking for a fling. It wasn't humiliating to me, in any way though, because for one thing, I'd been under the influence when I was first with him, and then secondly, he'd lied, and thirdly, I never fell for him. I was never in love with him or distraught by anything he did. I ascertained he was playing mind games and I was right about that, and not only that, I know he was somehow connected to Tancer or other people from Abbey litigation stuff from Oregon. The only time I'd be embarrassed for something, is if I'd fallen for something when all signs were clear I never should have, and that's not what happened. I tried to be good to someone who wasn't honest with me, and there's no shame in that. I always find these people out eventually, but I think the point was, for them, to try to get me involved, and then "let her know" by putting out signs later, to just screw with my head. I didn't panic or feel out of control. I just thought, "What an asshole" and had guessed ahead of time he was maybe connected. A reason I thought it possible, was how he wanted to keep me from the computer when I was about to challenge what was happening in the courts. When I see someone trying to distract me from taking care of important things, it's a giveaway. I think he wanted to fuck with me, not just body but head, but the problem for him was that I was realizing what was going on and just played along anyway. Which may make some people happy, if they think I don't know what's going on, but when you know, and choose to go along in order to make a better discovery, it's your choice, and you're not exactly a victim in that situation. You're in control more than they think.

As for all the "I thought maybe he was..." I am mainly just having fun and joking around. The facts are true though, about things he said and did.

There are a lot of things that can be done to a person, but none of them matter if they don't get you at the core, where your spirit is, or your soul. If you can easily brush them off, they never "had" you to begin with. Some people understand this. You can look like you're putting up with a lot when deep down, you're assessing things and using a situation partly to your advantage. This guy was actually abusive, or tried to be in some ways, and my way of making HIM pay was to pretend I didn't know and STAY at his apartment without paying rent FAR longer than he wanted me to. And I was so nice and sweet to him, he felt too guilty and worried to do anything about it. Although I hadn't started out with the intention of "using" him, as soon as he got weird, I had my own motives and agenda and used it against him as much as anything he tried against me. I played the innocent naive girl.

I forgot to add a couple of other bad things I found out about him. Well, one thing that was a little odd at least, was that he asked me one day, in the morning, if I had "remembered" anything from last night. I said no and he seemed pleased about it. He said, "You don't remember being in here?" and I said no and he laughed and said he could have sworn, and then said he must have been dreaming but he hadn't been sure. I don't know if I was slipped something, or if I had been sleepwalking, or he was just talking nonsense.

The other thing I remember, was that after he told me he practiced putting a gun to his head, I told a bunch of people at work what he'd said, because I thought it was disturbing. That, on top of the blood in the bathroom and stuff. I started thinking he was just doing cocaine, but I never saw him do anything. But after I told people at work that he'd said he practiced putting a gun to his head, HE told me he was going to file for a concealed weapons permit with the local police.


Oh! I forgot. There's more, about when he took me downtown, and about when I found him IMIng this woman next door...Oh, and how he was trying to pimp me out too. Okay, real fast, when he took me downtown once, I had my cell phone with me, and I don't know how someone knew what my location was, but I hadn't had blatant harassment from people hanging out of their cars, mocking me, for a long time. But when he took me downtown, he asked later where to pick me up and I told him one location, but stayed in another location, or moved, and I didn't tell him right away. So it was like I said, "Okay, you can pick me up at the _______" and instead of being there, I was across the street. After I told him this, about 3 or 4 cars drove by with people (20s to maybe 30s) checking out that location, and then when one of them saw me eating outside on the other side, they all circled back around the block and came by with the whole harassment thing. But they had thought I was at the location I told him I was at, so it seemed to me that someone was picking up on what I said over the cell, or he was telling someone. It was a little odd.

Then, a different time, I went out with him and he told some guy to for me, and he said it pimp-style, and then when he wanted me to work at the refinery, he kept saying to me that there were a bunch of men there who were divorced or going through a divorce and that they might want to hang out with me. Then, I met this beautiful older French woman, randomly, who lived at the townhouses, and she invited me in to try out her computer because I couldn't get a connection, and right then, I'm in her apartment which is decorated in a chic Parisian style (but with a ton of mirrors and silk sheets and everything sort of like a boudoir) and what comes on her screen? An IM from a "Mike Carillo". I don't know, but the guy I lived with, his name was "Mike Carilli". It seemed to me, very possible that the person IMing her was the guy I lived with but she said this guy was just a "landlord" or something. It was kind of weird.

I'll write about that in just a minute.

Oh, an addition, is it odd that a man would be more worried and nervous you'd discovered he read the BBC than he was you'd discovered AFF? He went so far as to say, that evening or the next day, in a casual but nervous-trying-to-be-nonchalant way, that he just liked to look at the BBC sometimes because it had more of a worldview. Why was he trying to justify reading the BBC?

When I was shot in the butt with the beebee gun, too, the only person who knew I was going on a walk and which direction I was going, was him. I told him I was going for a walk and he asked which way I was going. 15 minutes later, I was shot in the butt by a coworker and a Canadian. Could have been coincidence.

The other thing about him, he loved everything about the Roman empire. He had a lot of books about Rome and it was his favorite material. The movies he turned on for me to watch were all mob movies. The Godfather, and other ones (the one with Sharon Stone).

I didn't take off though, not until after Judge Hotchkiss cut me out of a hearing after telling me I had to be pro se. Then I left, the very next day.