Thursday, May 31, 2012

Tortured Yesterday and Today

All day today I've been tortured with technology and my parents have too, because I followed close by a tractor and it was being targeted at my Dad.

The burning laser type stuff while in front of the laptop, and with my mother too, and then this guy showed up that I have serious questions about.

His name is "Gail" or "Gale".  He does some kind of psychic work and everything gets leaked straight to the art people with Google.  It's happened a number of times.  My mother said what did I have against him and I said "I have been worried in the past".  She said why.

I said, "I've seen your nose screwed up, not now or recently, but for about 2 months and 1 month especially, someone was doing something forceable to your nose and it was obvious."

My Mom said, "It's always been sort of crooked" and I said, "No, something else was happening.  It looked like someone was pushing on it for hours or applying hard pressure and it looked newly broken at one point."

And I said, "And your skin sometimes, has not looked good after Gale is there, like you were poisoned or something", "and the dog has been afraid in the past when he came around, and starts shaking with fear."  I added, "Things like that.  And seeing your eyes glassier after he's here and you not looking okay."

I didn't mention how my Dad was also afraid of him a few times and they both seemed relieved when I stayed in the house once.

He's always been pleasant to me, never said a wrong thing, or been mean, but because of what reactions I see from my parents, it's not always all about me.

My Plot

We made a plot today, my Dad and I.

I had a little plot in mind, something small, and then had the idea of a large raspberry patch.

Someone keeps trying to ruin every heartfelt idea we come up with because it went from that great night of being excited about it, to my understanding someone told my parent's no, and what they could not do with their own land.

I think some group is still afraid of my Grandpa Garrett.  He probably made some kind of prediction once that freaked them out of their minds, and they've tried to ruin everything ever since.  He made predictions about me even, that I didn't understand until after he'd been dead and maybe only in the last couple of years.

But at any rate, instead of the raspberry patch, he offered to till my small kitchen garden, which was nice, because I was behind on it and doing it by hand.  It's a small square but I see it as two diamonds right now.  

The deer have already stepped through, and I was going to lay down this one mesh but was worried their feet would get caught in it.  It might be too small.  I have to find something until I have lavendar stinking them away.  Oh yeah, and oregano and things.

So far, it's been a slower start to my gardening because I did it differently than I ever have.  In the past, I've started things with potting soil or mixed some into the dirt so new seeds come up better.  I haven't done that this year and now I'm thinking I need to do this. 

I have work to do but was thinking of something I could write that is spiritual or touching on art in some way and I fell upon Job, where he prays to God to vanquish all his enemies and then goes on to say what hidden things are found in mines, but that wisdom isn't found where these other things are found.  It's really poetic, with lots of word-images.  Job 27:13-28 (through the 28th chapter). 



Resolved Elsevier

Finally, it started working half-way like normal again. I put the words into an Excel spreadsheet.

Elsevier Problems Every Single Time

Every single time I try to use this medical terminology program that I paid for, for a class, there is a major problem.

I have never been able to use it successfully except for the first day, before, I guess, someone figured out how to specifically ruin whatever was running on my account.

Today it's the glossary.  It refuses to open their glossary.  The entire POINT of "medical terminology" is know the words in the glossary.

First it gave me one word definition, for one letter, and then for the next letter I clicked on, it listed an entire page of terms but wouldn't give the definition for any of the words.  Finally, after a half hour, it gave the definition for one word I selected from the page long list.  I then tried to get the whole list of words for other letters of the alphabet, and it refuses to open anything.

I actually did not have any problems with this site at all, until I said out loud, in my parent's house, how I was having zero problems with objective testing, where personal prejudice is not allowed.  I was going through all the terms quickly and correctly, and scoring with As.  So I had commented that when it's just a computer multiple choice program, it evaluates me or my answers and work no differently than anyone else.

Right after I said this in their house, someone immediately began tampering with the program.  I know that my mother knew this was going to happen too, because as soon as I said this, that I wasn't having any problems with objective computer testing, and explained why, she had this "Oh NO" look on her face and then got upset, and it basically as if she thought I had spoken out loud to The Evil Eye and that now someone was going to deliberately obstruct my education just to harass me and try to make a point, and continue to discredit me.

If a medical terminology program that I spent $100 for, can't even give you the glossary list that it already has published for students to use, it's a waste of money.

It's a program called "Evolve" and it has technical help bases in Canada and The United States.  It's the Mosby's Medical Terminology course.

I asked my college instructor if anyone else had problems like I was having, which I've already mentioned, and she said no.  She said no one else--no other student, has ever had the kinds of problems with this program that I've encountered.

Which is why I then went out and purchased a camcorder, to be able to record what happens and prove I am not delusional or making these things up.

Drugged By Alvaro Pardo & "Difficult" CIA

I woke up this morning thinking about how I was drugged/medicated by my Ex.  I also thought about which persons were so "responsive" to any reminder I made, of an expression he used to use.

So many people pandered to Alvaro Barbosa Pardo. 

Mostly, they were from the justice department and military.

He used to use this expression about how he thought it would be "difficult" to get my son back but not impossible (at the same time he was saying I didn't need my son with me and it was too dangerous for kids to be in some situations).

"Difficult" was one of his favorite words.

"It's difficult," "I think it will be difficult," on and on.

I then noticed, when my mother once advised me about how to draft a letter to the court in TN (justice department), the word "difficult" was included.  This always seemed to make anyone in the justice department happy...little smirks and feeling good if I reminded them of Alvaro by bringing up how "difficult" times were.

The persons always so responsive to any gentle recollection or revisiting of this term, were Judges in the Justice Department, FBI, and Military.  And those also reusing this word all the time, in the same way, were all the above.

I'm sending for the documentation of marriage license application today.

The CIA and FBI attempted to erase everything else.   They stole everything from me.   I know for sure that he worked for the FBI but I don't know how much he may have also worked for the CIA, because he was international and always talking about "revolution" and I always had some idea he was doing something with hostage situations in the U.S., while he was in the U.S., and said he was working somewhere else.

For all of his U.S. government connections, and how people backed off and were willing to give me almost anything only as long as I was with HIM, it's shocking anyone would suggest he is NOT a government employee.

It's strange what some try to infer from choices in what I carry or wear, as if this signifies how I feel about something.  If I don't carry the computer bag given to me in D.C./Maryland, I'm "over" him or rejecting something and if I do carry the computer bag, it's supposed to mean something? It means nothing.  It means I haven't had money to get a new bag and it's not high on my list of priorities.

He and a lot of others know about torture of my son and so far, I haven't seen anyone making comments in support of me, about this.  Alvaro is both a user and a coward.

My Brother & Mother Report Tampered Communications

Two days ago, on 5/29/12, my brother and mother reported their communications by phone are being tampered with.

I received a call from my brother in late afternoon and while I was still on the phone with him (on a landline), my mother drove by and waved.  She was getting home from work.

I told my brother this over the phone and he said, "She's there?" and I said yes and he said, "Because I just tried calling her on her cell phone and no one answered."

I said, "I don't know, she's here." 

Then I got off the phone with him and went to the house and told my Mom my brother had tried calling her.  She said, "I didn't get any calls from him."

I said, "He said he just tried calling and you didn't answer."

She said, "I didn't get any calls from him."  She got out her cell phone and checked it and said, "No, he didn't call because it would have shown up on my cell and nothing is there."

I said, "He also said he's tried calling me in the past and couldn't get ahold of me.  He said he wanted to be in touch with me and wasn't able to and then when he asked for the number from you guys, you had to say you'd look for it and didn't know where it was."

Basically, both my Mom and Brother are reporting the deliberate tampering of communications between family members.  This has happened to me before, and I thought I was the only one whose calls were being rerouted to businesses I didn't call. 

Then, I had a full shut-down of all communications when I tried contacting the UN for help for my family.  After that, I was prevented from contacting the UN again because each time I tried, the computer broke, shut down, wouldn't let me check email, or go to sites I needed to access, or in more recent cases, access my online classes.

I've been afraid that I will be "punished" for trying to reach the UN, and that the military will shut down my communications again, and while I have online classes, this would affect my funding and financial aid.  And these people already know it is my only source of income, so they know that screwing around with my online courses, or intimidating me out of contacting the UN, is a serious threat.

We are all being tortured. 

Things with communications and phones are getting worse for my parents. 

And the other day, when my mother went with Patty Otterbach for a "walk", I should have followed because my mother came back looking like she'd been poisoned.  Patty Otterbach appears to be some kind of "handler" who controls my Mom.

Not only that, my Mom and Dad told me, after my mother returned from her "walk" with Patty, that all of a sudden, she and my Dad are having to leave for California.

This weekend.  I said "Why?" and I was told it's a belated anniversary gift to themselves but it's not.

It's the U.S. and I believe my parents are in danger.  We are all in danger, already, but I have a bad feeling about their traveling to "California" where who knows what will happen and no one will know why.

I can now confirm though, that I am not the only one whose communications are being shut down and tampered with.  It's happening to my Mom and brother and probably my Dad too.

My mother looked totally poisoned after going out with Patty.  Her eyes looked like someone had had an instrument attached to both of them and then were blowing the hell out of them or suctioning them for hours.  It was a complete difference and her skin over her entire body changed too, and she looked like she'd been dehydrated and hadn't had a drink of water for over a month.  She looked very bad, and this is right after she'd been with Patty.

I am pretty sure Patty Otterbach is connected to the Middletons.  I think she is Jewish.  I think she's Jewish and works for the FBI, and that Middleton has to be connected to the FBI.  I mean, there is zero doubt about it.  I don't know exactly how, but she is.  And her mother is.

My brother, when I talked to him, sounded normal but he also sounded like he was forced to sound natural and at one point he mentioned "Mom" and he almost started to cry.  I knew something was wrong but didn't know what.  Then after this, my mother drove by and that's when he said he'd been trying to call her and she didn't answer.  He had said to me, "Where's Mom?" and almost cried and then didn't say anything when I said, "I guess she's at work."

When I saw her, she looked like she'd been poisoned and she said she had no calls from my brother on her phone.

Tonight I did only a small amount of gardening and had the radio on and my Dad said "Turn it down, NOW."  So I went inside the house, turned off the radio completely, and quit gardening.

(This country must go by another name, because I can't find any of the people I used to know, who were Americans.  In fact, I can't find anything that even looks like America anymore.  They apparently don't know who I am either.  They throw requests back at me and say they don't know my ID and that I am not identified in their U.S. "American" system anywhere.  For my part, I keep trying to find an American that has a government job or office, and I can't find anyone.  Obviously, I'm not being literal here, but the rest of this post is true and I didn't exaggerate, I wrote the facts as relayed to me by my mother and brother).

None of this is national interest.  It's hate crime and picking and choosing people some in power hate, to torture and pass it off as research.  You can say it's research, and yet never answer the question about how you picked that person or their family.

Think about the people who have died or been in "accidents" lately?
All of the Protestant Hollywood entertainers (or they're called nuts and have their fortunes split and kids taken from them), and prominent pastors and activists.

1.  Chuck Colson.  Protestant and former U.S. activist with government ties. Tries to help prisoners with recovery and has the largest Protestant prison ministry.   Dies suddenly.

2.  David Wilkerson.  Pastor of Brooklyn Tabernacle Church and Choir.  He ends up in an "auto accident" that took place around the time of Kate Middleton's wedding.  It was in April, and he died.  I don't think it was a natural accident.  Someone wanted him dead.

3.  Steve Jobs.  The only big business computer guy that's not Catholic. 

4.  Whitney Houston.

5.  Michael Jackson.

Anyone who is influential and/or has money and is Protestant is dying, getting killed, having an "accident", and going off the radar.

At the same time, what's really happening with churches?  are churches just being infiltrated with people who claim to be one thing and they're not?  Maybe this country is being taken over by an internal inflitration and "invasion".

Next thing, I am sure it's already happening, is that they are not just using twins and abusing kids for their programs, and killing people they want out of power...they are going to deliberately "create" people for themselves.  You thought "Hitler" was bad.  In addition to creating and designing people as if they're craft projects, they're going to, if they're not already, clone people and create doubles and hold them as hostages to the state.

If you think it's not possible, ask the MK-Ultra survivors what they know and have been through.  What about the ones like Sheryl and Lynn, who are so groomed, they just accept it, even though they know what was done was illegal.  The one still helps to capture "terrorists".  For who?  The same terrorists that kidnapped her, sexually assaulted her, starved her, and tried to create a bionic woman out of a little girl.  The U.S. military. They must be especially proud of her, because she's still brainwashed enough to think she's doing this country a favor by helping capture "terrorists" when the greater favor would have been to get out of it, and expose the criminals who abused her as a kid and who are now abusing my son.

It's not illogical or extreme to think that if the U.S. does these other things, they are not already plotting how to do worse. 

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

My Work

I changed a paper focus because the books I was looking for were not there, but otherwise I would have kept it. I was planning to keep it, a topic of breaking the "enigma" code, but there were zero books available so I had to shift to a Rosie the Riveter topic. 

My classes and college is pretty much the same as well.  I had to "change" the degree I am seeking to an A.S. in natural sciences, but I petitioned for double major and made it clear I have never abandoned English Lit.  Right now though, there are few classes I could add to my English Lit bc I'm already past all the lower-level reqs, so I'm focusing on the science end of things. 

My non-profit and business ideas are also unchanged.

For some of the changing my mind I am prone to, once I do make up my mind about something, I would say I'm fairly determined and know what I want. 

I heard some news about someone in California, a woman, marrying herself today.  I am not sure how that works?  I know awhile ago a man was doing something like this, with marriage, on the East Coast, doing some kind of marriage arrangement in an unusual way, but I don't remember how it benefited him legally.  It was for financial reasons.  Maybe her reasons are financial too, though I can't think of what, off-hand. 

I just turned in a paper called "why boredom resolves" (double entendre) and have a line about how shopping or consumerism is not (my opinion) stemming from a lack of self-worth but from boredom.  And I included a line about how one might avoid boredom is to not be bored with oneself.

Which is really true and if you haven't had a chance to enjoy your own time as a kid, it's harder as an adult to enjoy your own company (so to speak).  One of the points this one woman made about why some women are shopaholics is because they want male attention but that's not necessarily true if they just want to change things up or feel good about themselves.  I mean, we have to look at ourselves in the mirror too. 

I have a pair of very tight jeans I like to wear only around my house.  I've worn them out, with longer shirts, or a coat, but I went through a few weeks wearing these skin-tight jeans, and no one to see me.  I wore them because they felt so tight it felt like less resistance.  I have work to do and I want all my fat contained and to feel I can move around faster.  It kept me on my toes, and more alert.  It felt less lazy somehow, but anyway.  I can't imagine going to court as a lawyer with a pair of long flowing wide legged pants and a blousey top.  Even pro se, I always wore form fitting (not tight) jeans, a blazer, and kept it together, and wore a trim dress suit for hearings. 

I haven't worked on my garden in the last few days and I had planned on planting some things a while ago and haven't yet.  I saw the first blades of my simpson lettuce come up but I need to revise a little with the soil.  It needs a little gypsum or something, or I need to keep the top moist until the plants show me how tough they are and don't need my help anymore.

And!  I'm very excited that my Dad is going to till up some soil for me to have a raspberry patch.  I had thought 1 acre and then they said that was this whole area...and when I asked how much the area is next to me, I was told it's about 1/4 of an acre, which is entirely manageable for organic gardening.

I did research on General Farm Liability Insurance and have to make some calls tomorrow.

I found some interesting little rocks in the garden, my kitchen plot (which I'm not done with).  Some are like agates and other things and then I had a good feeling about this totally smooth round rock.  It was plain rock, but perfectly round.  I felt sort of sorry to see some of the tall grass go down because plain old tall green grass, on hills, is pretty sometimes but having some of it mowed helped me move around it.  I looked up wetland stuff though and decided to leave some of it for natural habitat and because the roots will keep this small sloping area "up".  So I am keeping natural habitat and how to protect the space while making use of it too.

I'm definitely going to try that one "diet" for a year too but I don't have the strength or will to start quite yet.  Maybe another month enjoying just being vegan without the additional restrictions.  Then when I start, I know I have to have a multi-vitamin because I would be too weak.  I'm not ready to give up my Veganaise, and Tofutti Sour Cream, and vegan cheese, and all these good things I've found just yet.  It is a really good thing I like mushrooms. 

Additional Extension For Court

I have to request additional time or allowance for late submission of documents to court.  For both matters, including appeal to 9th and also directives for habeas.

Not done.

(inside comment:  Verdunia, like you might be dun, but I'm not dun!)

Before my son and I were tortured, Christa was particularly interested and not happy with any idea that I was contacting Irish that were Protestant--the "Ulster" groups, just to find some group that could identify with religiously motivated hatred and crimes.

It was after this, that we were tortured with technology and she asked me how I wanted to die.  The guy in the van, following me around in Canada was either Russian of some kind, or Irish-Catholic.  This is the one who was parked outside of the women's shelter in Canada when I was targeted with technology that caused a migraine and woke everyone up, and then he was present and nodding and smiling with the RCMP officer that tried to put me in jail--she was a woman, he was male, and she was supposed to be law enforcement and he was a criminal.  They were well-acquainted with one another.

A lot of the Irish Catholics work other kinds of ethnic groups, for illegal deals. They are the most likely criminal group to get 100% full coverage from the U.S. FBI.  I think this is because a lot of them are already in the FBI or that it's reflective of how slow the FBI was to put Irish Catholic militants and terrorists on their "terrorist list".  They allowed funding to these groups, but cut all the other militant groups off, up until a couple of years ago.  It was that recent.

They used Shea, Judge Shea, and other Catholics---all of the Judges have been Catholic, and all of my public defenders were Catholics or one Jewish working in an all-Catholic firm.  They deliberately ran my case into the ground and stole evidence from me, of torture of my son and that proved my innocence in every defamatory smear.




Tuesday, May 29, 2012

FBI Gang-Bang

I wonder what lengths the FBI will go to, to conceal a government gang-bang of one woman?

Any ideas?

Illegal Use Of Oliver For U.S. Government Research

I was given some of my son's "homework" and I could tell he had not come up with all the ideas of how to color, with what color, and it was clear from his writing that he is being forced to work for the U.S. in child labor.

I have enough evidence to prove, at least in a minor way, or cast some doubt, as to the intentions of the United States and their unlawful abduction, trafficking, and use of my son for their "programs."

His school teacher at Dryden Elementary has been a woman named "Tina".  From doing a search for Peshastin Elementary School, the teacher by this name is "Tina Richardson".   I found a "Richardson & Strong farm" in Wenatchee, something about her running in Leavenworth, running "day camps", and found a Duane Richardson and a Geoffrey Dana Richardson who is an MD in Wenatchee.  If she is connected to the MD, the MD knows the Canadian who runs the medical supply practice and who stole my diaries.

Geoffrey D. Richardson is connected to Leavenworth as well as Tina Richardson, and I found him listed as faculty for The University of Washington which would give him proximity to Seattle, WA, which is where Shannon Borg and her Canadian partner "Dan" live.  The Canadian guy is connected to all the doctors and medical facilities and owns a medical company in Seattle.  U of WA lists Geoffrey Richardson as practicing at Cascade Medical in Leavenworth, WA.
http://depts.washington.edu/fammed/directory/name?last=R

Some of the things my son is being told to draw, are based off diary entries that I made which were stolen from me by the Canadian man and his partner Shannon Borg.

He drew a "whale" which looks somewhat based off of Eastern Oregon's art student's work that I mentioned in a post, and the whale has blood coming out of the side and an ax next to it.  Above this he was forced to write out, "Ug! I'm a whale!  Grrr!"  '

This is almost a direct quotation from my diary I wrote in at age 13.  People are using my personal diaries and records and forcing my son to incorporate these things into his "homework".  Not only that, they are using his homework and what he does and have tried to make it correspond with things they predict I will look up online in the future.  I can prove an example of this, and will do so.

It is slightly possible that the diary from when I was 13 was one which was stolen by Steve May, but I am pretty sure it was with my Seattle things.  I am not 100% sure yet though and it might be Steve May's doing.

I am looking at the paper this was drawn on and it's from class.  He didn't do this at home with Holly and Pablo, he was forced to do this at Peshastin Elementary or his daycare.  Much more likely it was school.  I say this, because the paper used is punch-holed and the Avilas don't have that kind of paper.  It was also punch-holed with a specific kind or pre-done because it has little jagged edges and isn't a smooth punch-hole.  It's specific paper that is held by the school and it appears this was done at school.  At his own house, he'd use normal paper, not punch-holed paper.  It looks like it was in a binder.  Maybe I'm wrong and he was forced to do it at his house where someone had better access, or daycare, but that's the paper and if he was at his own house, he would most likely have other paper available and not be drawing out of a binder.  I just looked more closely at the paper and compared it with paper for his "math journal".  It's the same paper.  The paper is Peshastin school paper.  It has some of the same recyling characteristics to it--same color of flecks in the paper.

It's obvious military and CIA shit.

On the other side of the "whale" drawing with an ax cutting wood and cutting into the side of the whale, with blood or a "heart" coming out,  on the backpage, instead of a blue whale, is a "ghost".  And on the ghost side it says "Ug! I'm a ghost! Grrrr..."

So he has a bleeding whale on one side and a ghost on the other side and my son would never use the words he used for the quote.  It was taken from my diary and the people who had that specific diary and then who "got rid of it" (oh really?  'got RID of it'?  Dan, the Canadian, got rid of it?  where did it go then?). 

In my diary, I write about how our cat swallowed fishing line and had to have an operation and I write "Uggg!" about how gross it would be in that entry and later, in the same diary, use the expression "Grrr!", in a kid-way, about someone taking something that doesn't belong to them.  I know my diaries because I've read them several times over the years, looking back on what was happening in my life then.

There is no modern cartoon or book that my son reads that uses those expressions. It was taken directly from my personal diary and my son was forced to write what he was told to write.  My aunt and uncle would also have no reason to do this or want to do this--they would only do what they are told to do, if it was done at their house, or Tina Richardson would force my son to do this in class.
The U.S. and Canada are torturing my son and they stole my personal diaries to use for purposes of causing my distress and forcing my son to employ parts of them in slave labor for them.

The only other people who had any personal photos or diaries are in Wenatchee and it was Steve Mays and the guy he had living with him, who I could see forcing my son to write such things because it's his style, not my son's style.  They stole a bunch of personal photos and my long white gloves, and records.  Police went through all of it.  They stole evidence I had for my case for my son too.

My son then, is being terrorized still, not just by the U.S., but by Canadians.

This country has someone monitoring every single thing I do on a laptop, 24/7.  One example, a very small example, is that I was just looking up Tina's husband, and found someone by the name of Duane Richardson so I tried to type it into a search, wondering, and I only got as far as Dua and someone with the Google search immediately then included a "b" I had not typed into the search bar.  They put in a search for me for "Dub" and then after this, I deleted it and tried to add the next letter and I mistyped a "b" somewhere in the name instead of an "n" (they are next to eachother).

This country has people in my business, 100% of the time, attempting to make predictions on every single move I make, no matter how small.  They have been using what I do on a laptop or online, for their asshole-training purposes for several years now.  This is one very small example.  They do much more, and much worse, when I am online, including splitting my monitor screen and doing all kinds of odd techniques if it helps them make a point or try to prove what they are going to "predict" next.

On my son's school drawings, the curriculum this woman is using, with my son, is being used by U.S. government assholes, for research.  One of the things they had my son color was an octopus with uneven circle eyes, one large and one small for small o and big O and then I noticed this scale next to it, with homework included to me.  It was colored in pink and I knew my son would not choose that color for this scale.  Then, today I was looking up "U.S. National Debt" and how much the U.S. owes other countries, and Google brings up this woman's blog with a map for finding which countries hold most of the debt.  The woman's name is "Bonnie Bogle", the author of the site, and it's a bunch of big Os and small os and then you click on one, and it brings up a scale that is exactly the same as what they had my son draw and it's colored the exact same color too--solid pink.

This country has allowed Canadians and U.S. assholes to torture my son and ruin his life.

Not only that, I found out why my son may have been hitting kids on the bus (who possibly hit him first).  He had a little clip-on "Angry Birds" character on his backpack, as I guess is popular with the kids now, and he's had 2-3 of them stolen from him. 

My son was sent to the Principals office, in Peshastin, by a biased bus driver who couldn't control the other bratty kids on his bus.  I've talked to that principal too.  In fact, I had email conversations with him and I am not impressed with him in the least.  Since I wrote to him, he's used my son, in his school, for research.

My son's handwriting is all over the place.  He has marks inside of letters, above letters, to the side, like someone was trying to confuse him and tell him to make letters differently.  It looks like he's trying to practice 3 different languages at the same time but this fucking country isn't sophisticated enough to be teaching that.

They teach kids how to be slaves they can use to prop themselves up.

He writes his O's counter-clockwise and clockwise which is fine, and maybe he's using both right and left hands, but other characteristics of his writing and work indicate the school and teachers are doing him no favors.  They're using him and trying to ruin him.  Then, they're instructing some of his homework to be sent to me that they know I'll remember is taken from diaries they stole from me.  They would only do this to intentionally cause distress.

Joshua Gatov: FBI Employee and Rapist

I believe Josh Gatov was employed by the FBI at the time that he raped me.  And there is cause to believe it was a premeditated rape, and not a simple hate crime.

The FBI has never wanted to investigate any kind of hate crime because it would fall on them.

I think, even though I never thought this in the past, when Dr. Parnell said I said, "The FBI raped me", I never said this.  I said nothing close. 

But I did know that at the time, I believed he was connected to police in some way.  Then, he got tipped off too much to not be involved with them.  After the way the FBI has tried to smear me, I believe he was working for them and they never wanted anyone to know or find out.

Think about it.

UPDATE:  5/29/2012

By the way, Joshua Gatov worked in an ESL/ENNL tutoring center in proximity with international students including people from the middle east.  He was tipped off by police to leave the country to evade an investigation.  When Det. Brian Grose told me recently that he was not going to pursue prosecution of Gatov, it was a reversal after I blogged more about suing the FBI. 

I had also written to him, before he got back to me about whether or not he would prosecute, asking him if he had been, or was, employed by the FBI.  After I asked this question, Grose called me up and said he had first thought he could press charges but now he couldn't.  He claimed the statutes had changed and then said then he found out they didn't change.   Then he asked me, over the phone, why had I thought to ask if he was connected to FBI or police, and he lied to me, saying, "No, not to my knowledge, at least, not from what I've been told." He qualified his statement.

Possibly, because if it's discovered in a court of law Gatov worked for the FBI or police, he could be in trouble if he's found to be concealing evidence or making false statements.  So he said, "Not to my knowledge, off hand."  He didn't say he had checked with the FBI or not.  Then, he went on to try to further justify Gatov saying, "I met him and he doesn't 'seem' like the type."

Doesn't 'seem' like the type?

This man raped me, premeditated his rape, spoke with Lake Oswego police officers before committing his crime an hour later, and said, "What would your Dad think to know you were (raped) by a Jew?"

So according to Grose, because Gatov didn't "seem like the type", that's his answer about whether or not he worked for the FBI or police.  After I brought up the question, Grose was wanting to drop the entire investigation as well.

As for "didn't seem like the type", he is exactly the type they hire.  They hire sexual rapists and predators, and they hire people who get close to foreigners for their own FBI counter-intelligence purposes.  He comes across as laid-back and then is capable of violence and demonstrated that.  He is exactly what the FBI hires, and RETAINS.  The CIA and the FBI retain people just like that.

Maybe, just maybe, all this time I thought Dr. Parnell was an asshole (which he was, and he refused to treat me and slandered me), maybe he was trying to also tell me something, or knew something.  Because he said I said I was "raped by the FBI".  I never said this, but since I had made a report to police already about being raped by Gatov, it's possible he is FBI employed and was an employee at that time.  This would also explain his friendliness with police, how he got tipped off, and  why I was then punished for "trying to run from an investigation".  They made this false claim about me out of retaliation for my report that Gatov ran from an investigation.  He is even potentially linked to Alvaro Pardo, who is linked to FBI.  It would explain why I was assaulted with migraines repeatedly after this rape, and why this did not come up again until after I reported 2 more FBI agents from Portland offices.  It would also explain why the FBI was blocking any attempt I made to report a pattern of hate crimes, possibly because they didn't want to respond to part of a report that contained one of their own employees.  It would also explain why they colluded to push me out of my lawsuits that protected my reputation and why they would then use defamatory Willamette Week articles for their own defense against me, knowing I could potentially sue them up one side and down the other.

Det. Grose wanted to know why I asked.  Over the phone he said something like, "I'm curious to know why you asked?"

They wanted to know if I had evidence against them.  The only reason Det. Grose wanted me to answer his question was to get discovery for police and the FBI, about how much I already knew or had been told about their sick employees.

I said, "Well, I have always thought this was possible, right from the start and I told you that.  Right before he raped me, he talked to police officers in Lake Oswego who he seemed to know already and then the way he was tipped off, could have only come from law enforcement because I didn't tell anyone."

He didn't say anything in response to that, not that I remember.  All I remember, is that Det. Grose did not answer my question about whether Josh Gatov worked for police or FBI.

He lied to me and tried to dance around the question, and told me he was dropping pursuit of the case.  Telling me "No--I mean I don't think so..he didn't seem like the type" is not answering my question:

Did Joshua Gatov, or does Joshua Gatov work for the FBI?

He did not answer the question.

He did not tell me he asked FBI and they said no, he did not tell me he checked with the Bureau and they said no.  All he said was that he, personally didn't think so because he didn't 'seem like the type'.

Grose is a fucking liar who should be in jail for colluding to tip Josh off himself.  I would bet money that he is connected to Christa Schneider's dad.

It would also explain why Christa Schneider freaked out and didn't want me to report him to police.   Her Dad was connected to the Department of Justice there, and had been a U.S. Attorney for the FBI in Portland.  They were linked to the DOJ.  If Josh Gatov was working for the FBI, it could point to a connection.  This would be a motive for trying to kill me in 2003 after I made my report against him, by plotting the hit-and-run.  It would also explain motive for police and others draining power from my car batteries to try to cause an accidental death.  Finally, Christas boyfriend was fluent in Japanese, which was the same language Josh Gatov was studying to be fluent in.  There are not a lot of "white guys studying Japanese" (at least not then) in Portland.

Josh Gatov talked to Lake Oswego police before he raped me.  Schneider went to Lake Oswego high school, just like her boyfriend did, who knew Japanese.  She and her family were connected to Lake Oswego police and L.O. people.  Her sister was in Texas going to college at Baylor University and married a Texan.  But otherwise, they were connected to California and to Lake Oswego and very likely knew the same people that knew Gatov.

She freaked out and didn't want me to report Josh Gatov because it would implicate FBI, DOJ, and her own family and contacts.  Her boyfriends name was Ryan.  He was fluent in Japanese and worked with the Japanese market, went to Lake Oswego high school, and was one of very few Japanese-fluent white males in the Portland area. 

This might explain why Judge Nakata, Japanese, had a problem with me if I didn't marry Alvaro Pardo.  It might also explain why I was being chased down one time, in Seattle, WA, by some Japanese guy with artistic tattoos all over his arms. I couldn't figure out why anyone who was Japanese wouldn't like me, but if they worked for Ryan or for Gatov, that might be why.

In photos Alvaro Pardo showed me of himself and friends once, I said what is that? and he said it was of some friends in Thailand.  That's the same country that Josh Gatov supposedly fled to when he was tipped off by Grose or Schneider (she was the only person I told actually).

After I reported Bujanda and Garza to FBI, when the FBI kept trying to block me from even making any kind of report about "hate crimes" (I guess because they already knew one of their own employees was a guilty party), Christa had me meet a bunch of people for a "last supper".   Every single person there was from Lake Oswego and had gone to high school at Lake Oswego.  Ryan was there and both Christa and Ryan were mocking me when they thought I was too intoxicated to notice.  They knew I was doomed, because they knew whatever cover they needed to hatch had been hatched with Portland FBI and that my file was ruined.  I had been blocked from defending myself with Willamette Week and that was further damaging, and the complaint against their friend Josh Gatov, had been dropped by their friend Det. Brian Grose.

Alvaro Pardo hadn't wanted me to see the photos of the men sitting around in Thailand.  He also hadn't wanted me to see photos of him at a party wearing a rainbow colored clown wig. He tried to skip past these photos and I said, "Wait, what's that?" and to not appear guilty or make a big deal, since I had already seen some of them, he let me see them.

All I got was bad energy from those photos.  "They're making fun of me".  I saw the clown wig photos and knew right away, those people were making fun of me.  It was intuitive, and it was also why he hadn't wanted me to see those photos.

I had made all kinds of comments to Dick Whittemore and Abbey lawyers and Christa, about wearing a "clown pin" to court because the justice system was so foul.  I had said it was a mockery of all justice, and that I should just buy a clown pin, a pin for my suit lapel, and wear it to court.  Then I saw this photo of Alvaro wearing a rainbow striped clown wig with people around laughing and the same evil look on his face that I saw from the man who looked like him, driving a sportscar filled with women after I'd dropped him off to "work at the car wash".  I knew right then and there that it was about me.  They were all making fun of me. This was why he didn't want me to see those photos. 

Then I saw the photos of the guys in Thailand.  They looked like businessmen and they were under curving roofs and Thai architecture and holding drinks.  Mai Thais I guess.  Little umbrellas hanging out of the glasses. 

So let's put "2 & 2 together" shall we?

Josh Gatov is an FBI employee and rapist.  He is connected to Schneiders through the DOJ and FBI, Jews (like the editor for WW), and Catholics (through justice department).  He is fluent in Japanese and so is Christa's boyfriend Ryan.  White guys.  He wanted to meet me in Lake Oswego and Josh knew the cops.  Most likely, Ryan and Schneiders knew the cops too.  Schneider panics later when I say I'm reporting Gatov.  Why?  Because she's connected to the man who raped me.  Gatov flees to Thailand.  I get blocked by the FBI and when I say I want to work for them, more FBI try to get into my house.  They try to get something on me because they are already liable for a rape.  Who knows who else is FBI employed.  Might be almost everyone I've ever dated actually.  They get police to drop an investigation just as they bribed police not to investigate other agents.  They start defaming me to everyone and block hate crime investigation because they don't want to be in charge of investigating some of their own employees. I am put on a hit list and almost killed many times.  I get thrown in jail on false arrest because the FBI is freaked out about how much I know.  Probably hearing a doctor said I was saying I was "raped by the FBI" freaked them out even more.  They torture me and my son and collude to allow state-sponsored torture.  They are trying to drive us out of the country, already knowing I told Christa I'd go to Canada.  They set it up in Canada and collude more over there.  Then, of all things, I meet Chris Dabney who is into Japanese anime and starts dating a Jewess.  I get set up to marry Alvaro Pardo, who works for the FBI.

It's a funny thing.

It's a real funny thing because, you see, all the police in Maryland know and like him, the guards at the courthouse know and like him, and I get a computer from a CIA guy.  Hmm.  I find photos of him making fun of me on his own laptop, and of Thailand.  I also catch him trying to set me up to go to prison and trying to block me from court.  And he is directly connected to FBI.  Which is funny because Gatov is connected to FBI and DOJ too, and so are Schneiders. 

I get to Wenatchee and Judge Alicia Nakata is really nice all of a sudden.  She's a Japanese-American Judge who most likely works for FBI as well.  Who might she know?  Ryan?   Ryan, Christa's Japanese fluent boyfriend? His name is Ryan Barnes.   Oh yeah, and Schneiders know FBI Bakens too.  How does Robin Bechtold figure into this?

Schneider didn't want me to report Josh Gatov and Bechtold didn't want me to report Bujanda and Garza.

Is Robin Bechtold also an FBI employee now?

Would it have just been a little "too much" for me to have alleged 4 different, maybe 5 potentially, FBI employees sexually assaulted me?

Maybe that's more than the FBI can "handle".

Maybe Josh Gatov, who raped me, is FBI employed or was then.
Then there was Robin Bechtold, date-raping me while I was under the influence (there is a witness).
After this, Bujanda and Garza introduce themselves and sexually assault me (not rape).
Is Mike Tanzer also FBI?  Or CIA?  I had wondered with him, about a drink that was ordered for me but I never knew for sure but I sort of mentioned it.

So this might be a lot of motive for the FBI to torture me and my son and family, personally.   It might be the reason why Christa felt so sure my ship was sunk after I reported Bujanda and Garza and the S.S.A.s that came out were from D.C. and Don from Palo Alto.  She most likely already had knowledge of how I was defamed and how my testimony was altered in internal files.  She also most likely knew they were covered by Laura Laughlin.  They also knew I was blocked from reporting religious hate crimes, and have been blocked from making any report to this day--told over the phone not to report, refused entrance to FBI buildings after being told to go in person, blocked when I tried to give information in person.

It's pretty good motive for the FBI to then say to the military, "She's all yours.  Torture her to death or kill her, it makes no difference to us."

It makes them desperate for excuses for the crimes their own employees committed or for covering up obstruction of justice.  It means the best they've got is to fully discredit me and wiggle out of liability for sponsoring torture, by saying I'm paranoid schitz (as the Abbey always wanted) and then if they can throw in "borderline" too, to try to make it look like I can't take "rejection", this also works for the Abbey's original defamatory claim, about how I was "rejected" by Ansgar.  I wasn't rejected--I reported him privately to the Abbot as a volunteer employee at the Mt. Angel Abbey religious library.

Note though, how Det. Grose then wanted to use this and say over the phone to me, Gatov claimed he "brushed me off" after a week.  He said this to make it sound like I made the report because I was "rejected" again, trying to tie this in to a false diagnosis they made with no evaluation, in Nashville, TN, after I refused to marrry the FBI's Pardo.  I was never "brushed off" by Gatov, I broke up with him after talking to a bunch of pastors, and then I quit my job because I had panic attacks whenever he was around.  First I tried to change my schedule and when he still came around, I quit and had to leave my job.

It's all FBI and they are criminals.
Dr. Parnell was correct.  I was raped by an FBI agent.  It's odd that I could never imagine such a thing back then.  I certaintly never said this, or thought this.  At that point, I didn't even know what sexual harassment definitions were so I had to go with what the FBI was pushing me to say.  "They weren't professional." 

The only way to get a straight answer out of the FBI at this point, is in court. 
"Was Joshua Gatov ever an employee or informant for the FBI?"  Yes or No Mueller.

Calling me mentally ill is a lot easier to them than admitting to concealment of a government gang-bang.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Parents Considering Leaving

My parents are seriously thinking of moving.  They say nothing about leaving this country, but even moving is a big deal for them.

We are being tortured and I think the expectation or forecast they've received, is that it will get worse.

Supposedly by June, something is going down.

So I'd like to know who is taking control about now, and into June.

My Dad joked if they leave it's because of me, not because they're being tortured, but this is not the truth.  The truth is that we are all being tortured in the United States and have been a long time, and something is supposed to get worse.

I don't know why and my parents didn't say this, I got it from someone else.

I know that my Uncle Howard said something over the phone to me and then to my Dad (and our phone is tapped), about President Obama and his wife.  It was a definite smear to Michelle.

 A week later, he was in the hospital.  Then he died.  He went to the hospital with "heart pains" and then tried to leave, figuring out that wasn't a good idea, and before he could leave, he collapsed.

I wrote in my blog about my Uncle Howard having some kind of psychic ability and I never knew it before, but the other thing he talked about, was President Barak Obama and his wife.  He repeated a joke he had heard, which was insensitive about Michelle, and then soon after that, within days, he was dead, or rather, in a coma, and then dead.  "Heart problems" all of a sudden.

Then the President signed the law that allows for the kidnapping and imprisonment of U.S. citizens whenever Panetta wants.  It's a Pentagon law, from the Department of Defense, and allows for any U.S. citizen to be held in a black site, or even a police room,  and tortured or interrogated, even on U.S. soil, with no formal charges brought.  No lawyers allowed.



Worse Torture By DOD Because Of Last Post

Now Panettas crew and the DOD have been doing even worse to us.  I am trying to write a paper for a class, and he is using even worse technology that could kill me.

They just did it several times in the last hour and directly targeted my heart.

They are using technology to try to kill us.

At this point, my entire family is thinking of leaving the country.

Not just me, but my Mom and Dad are as well.  Why?  Because we're "not tortured".

Tennessee's Dr. SawHaw & FBI's Diane Harsha

The Doctor who finally saw me, at the end, after I went to toxic overdose, was named "Dr. Saw-Haw".

That's how it's pronounced:  "Saw-haw" or "sah-hah".

I was thrown in by a white American male doctor at Vanderbilt ER, and he had two other men show up with him because they didn't want me to keep my laptop running or send any blogposts out about what was going on.  There was wifi at Vanderbilt, but it was disrupted, preventing me from writing what I needed to write.

I went in and right off the bat, a hispanic intake nurse or secretary, wrote my complaint up to sound nuts, intentionally.  I doubted what she was writing, so I asked her to repeat it back to me and it was wrong but she wouldn't change it.  I said, "I am here for internal bleeding and for a broken knee because I think I fractured it when I fell."

After this, they had me wait and someone was using some form of technology torture while I sat there but I said nothing about it.  Then they put me in a room and I told the male nurse about falling and that my knee wasn't better, and I told him the FBI in Nashville, TN had told me to go there to be examined for possible poisoning which was resulted in discoloration of nails and internal bleeding.  I said I thought maybe they'd X-ray my knee and do a blood test.

I told them about the FBI right at the start so I know the Vanderbilt doctors called the FBI in Nashville, TN.  I am positive that the first call made to the FBI was done before they ever sent me to be "evaluated" at the psych ward.

The FBI defamed me, and had planned to have me assaulted.  The male nurse did not do any bloodwork, and only checked my heart and bp.  He checked reflex at bottom of my feet I think, and that was it. 

At no time did anyone ever examine my broken knee.  Not any nurse, and no doctor did.  The doctor listened to me mention my knee for about 5 minutes and then left.  I said nothing strange to him and just repeated that I had talked to a woman with FBI offices in Nashville and they were the ones to say I should be checked for poisoning.  And I put the focus on my knee.

He came back and had me pushed into a wheelchair and they took everything from me and said I was going to the "holding" area or psych ward part of Vanderbilt University.  I never saw a psychologist there.  I asked to speak to the medical person in charge of ER and complained about being thrown over there, without even being examined.  She had read the doctor's notes to me and there was no mention of knee injury at all.  So then she came back an hour later and told me there was a chart note about my knee and the doctor wrote that he'd done a physical exam of the knee.  He lied.  He'd done nothing.

They made me wait there in a room and then they told me I was being "sent to" a psych ward for "evaluation".  I said, "You cannot hospitalize me".  They said, "You're not being 'hospitalized' at a psych ward, you're going to be 'evaluated'."

I got there and the woman doing intake was Eastern Indian.

By the way, the FBI women I talked to, Diane Harsha, was married to an Eastern Indian man.  She was a female Eastern Indian doctor who first saw me and then asked a few things about medical history and then sent me to the psych ward. 

Once there, there was a male nurse who was white and former U.S. military.  I asked to call my parents or a lawyer and he refused.  I was never out of control.  He kept saying "It's all good" and "this is how I roll".  I smart-mouthed something back to him once and that was it, and in retaliation, to punish me for that, he left the room and told another Eastern Indian doctor to order a Haldol injection for me. 

I was told to go to a room where an Eastern Indian doctor, a male, was there and said to me, "You are paranoid schitzophrenic and you're getting _________cc's of Haldol."

So much for "evaluation".  There was no evaluation, ever.  Within 1 hour of being sent there, I was being assaulted with toxic levels of a drug, and they told me they already "knew" my diagnosis.

Why?  because that's what the FBI told them.

The FBI is 100% criminal.  The Eastern Indian woman who saw me didn't evaluate me--she asked about medical history and that was it.  Then I was in the ward, and they ordered a direct assault of me, pronouncing me as already having a diagnosis, which I've never had, ever.

So from the Vanderbilt University psych ward, where I had no "diagnosis" and was going to be "evaluated", to the Middleton Psych ward where I was pronounced with a diagnosis on the spot, it took one car drive from here to there and not once was I ever "evaluated."

They forced me to strip in front of a bunch of nurses, 3-4 women, and had told me if I didn't take the shot from the male doctor in the hip, they pointed to a Queen-size mattress on the floor in an adjoining room and said they would throw me down on that mattress, pin me down there, and force the injection.

Instead, I went to my knees and I prayed and I prayed God would take revenge on all of them and every single person responsible, for what they'd done.  I don't think God is finished yet.

After this, I did not see any doctor for over one full week.  I saw the one doctor who declared I already had a diagnosis (from the FBI) and then I never saw anyone until a week later, but the whole time, they were trying to overdose me and kill me.  And they were not keeping accurate records of how many pills they were trying to force me to take.

After a week, I was told to see this other man, another Eastern Indian doctor.  They were all Eastern Indian--ALL of them.  It was very Panetta-like and I saw a whole caravan of Italians following the police car on the drive over, laughing and happy about what was happening.  They were rich. 

When I saw the second Eastern Indian doctor, that was Dr. Saha I believe, and he had me talk and talked to me for a total of 45 minutes in his office.  After 45 minutes, where I said nothing odd, or even admitted to half of the crazy things the FBI has done to me, he said, "You're paranoid schitzophrenic."

It was a lie and something they had to keep saying because they'd already overdosed me.  They had given me several more pills and forced me to take them all and go to his office that way, unable to even talk.  Then he had me go in front of a whole roomful of medical interns and doctors and nurses and try to talk and I couldn't even speak.

While they watched me, the main doctor, a third Eastern Indian (or other) supervisor, picked up a large stack of paper with all the medical people watching and witnessing and said, "The FBI tells us that...."  and he said what the FBI had told all of them.  He directly implicated FBI as responsible.

Then he said, referring to the stack of paper, "This is some of what the FBI offices sent us...would you like to comment?"

I was asked to comment on what the FBI was defaming me over.

This is after the FBI tried to hook me into marrying their own employee.  This is also after the FBI knowingly withheld information and ignored my FOIA requests, knowing I could have cleared my name a long time ago, in 2005.  They defamed me and misquoted me and altered my testimony about Raul Bujanda and Armando Garza, and they defamed me to Canada, and then they tried to get me to marry one of their agents and Panetta was in on it.  When I didn't marry him, they started torturing me again and defamed me even worse than before, and had me assaulted.  They not only ruined my singing voice, they tried to destroy my mind.

They wanted to kill me, but destroying my mind and brain, was almost good enough.

Then, I tried to leave the country and immediately applied for my passport when I was out.  The Department of State stalled with my entire process even though it was filled out correctly the first time.  They invaded my privacy, requesting tons of photos, and then photos from my childhood, and telling me they didn't know if I was a citizen or not and I had to prove it.

I am not sure where Panetta was at the time, if he was still CIA or had gone over to the Pentagon yet.  But he was directly involved and then gave his requests to the FBI.

From the time I was assaulted at the psych ward, and defamed by FBI, to the time I was in Oregon, was about 6 months and my passport was still being delayed.  Then, it was another 3 months, and I got my passport around October.  It took them 9 months to jerk me around and try to find ways to prevent me from leaving the U.S.A.  As long as I still had money to buy a plane ticket with, they refused to send my passport.  When I was out of money, and they knew I had no job or way to make money in this town of 2,000, and no vehicle to drive with, and knew they could order my parents not to loan me any money, they gave me my passport.  They knew the entire time that I had my passport, that I was trapped and could do nothing with it.  Since financial aid would provide a way for me to have money, they then interrupted the Department of Education process to keep me from going to college.  They made me spend another 9 months with zero money and no way to get out of here.

They also ran all of my appeals for my son into the ground, knowing I had no money to even make copies of documents to file with the court.  When all my appeals were exhausted and they kept any written documentation out of the file, anything to appeal on, then they processed my financial aid.

After this, they have still used me and tried using faculty they know to continue to prejudice me.  They bribed the UN.   And then the UN said the U.S. hasn't signed a respective declaration so I have to go after Canada only, and the CAT crimes they've committed and not the U.S. first.

I've seen work done by son that proves my son is still being abused, degraded, and tortured in Wenatchee, WA.

This country is completely corrupt and President Obama knows all about it.  The FBI has been one of the main agencies that has committed crimes against me and my family.   They've lied about me, made false documentation, altered my testimony, bribed police to drop charges and then gave a reward, incited hate crimes, refused to investigate hate crimes, blocked my ability to report crime, tried to have me marry someone who was screwing me and my son over, defamed me as having paranoid schitzophrenia when I had no diagnosis and then encouraged a psych ward to try to diagnose me with this when they never even evaluated me and just did what the FBI and Panetta wanted.  They've protected even local police, who have tortured my Mom, Dad, and my son in Wenatchee. 

Then this TN psych ward billed me for $5,000.  That bill is going to the FBI.  And the FBI is going to pay all of it.

Then I am over here in Oregon and after my parents go on a torturous trip through Northern California and Arizona, they return and I listen in as someone with an Eastern Indian accent is harassing my mother over the phone and she starts to sound afraid.

The only people connected to Eastern Indians over here is Mike Sterling-Tanzer and Leon Panetta.  Leon Panetta did his deal with Eastern Indian and Mike Tanzer has a bunch of Eastern Indian friends.  Of what variety, I'm not sure.  Some Eastern Indians like one section of the same and others like another section.    Oh, the DelBalzos.  They know a lot of Eastern Indian people and they're Italian as well.  Carl and Mary DelBalzo.  They both worked for Intel in Wilsonville, Oregon and have many Eastern Indian friends and friends in the FBI as well.



Rose branch and orthodox brands

This morning I helped with stacking wood and my Dad guessed some things ahead of time, with what happened with where we put it or how it fell.  I was in the house in the morning and my mother took out a branch, like a rose twig, which had several spires from it, bare branches, and tight flame shaped rosebuds.  Then I found this video and thought the Orthodox priest is sort of holding something that looks like the rose branch, when he crossed the two together.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1w8XaYYct8&feature=related

Oh, and then here's Alvaro Pardo in Britney Spears body:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CduA0TULnow

Pakistan Should Take Back Their Air Zones

If I were Pakistan, I would no longer allow U.S. criminals waging Crusades, to arbitrarily hunt down members of a group who do not even pose an active threat and have no plan in place to do anything to the U.S. 

All that Leon Panetta is doing is trying to exterminate them for the Holy See. 

Talking is not going to accomplish anything.  I would issue a warning to the U.S., forbidding them to enter air zones, and let them know Pakistan will shoot them down and have planes waiting to defend their air zones if the U.S. does not respect their sovereignty.

I would NOT allow Panetta's religious agenda to go any further than it already has.

Look at when they issued this outright extermination...it was only after a catholic church was bombed, allegedly, by this group.  Panetta then took all of his catholic resources, and started working favors for the Holy See, and that has nothing to do with the United States.

If Panetta was really concerned about U.S. security, he'd have a different "target" than former U.S. "friends" the CIA trained.  He is like the character in Moby Dick, going after the "insurgents" and waging his little personal vendetta while he ignores the serious, large, and looming problems that other richer countries present.

I would not reward someone like that, for then just going in to exterminate all of these people.

If I were Pakistan, I would say NOW is the time to say ENOUGH.

I would send the message to stay out, put up the air shield, and not be intimidated with threats of cutting off foreign aid from the U.S.  Panetta is not only killing people in other countries arbitrarily, he is picking and choosing who to send from the U.S. to get killed.

Remember that "accidental" massacre of Pakistani soldiers?  That wasn't an accident and everyone knows it.  Panetta can talk all he wants and why should anyone believe him. 

While some might think others in foreign countries are victims, it might be interesting to find out who Panetta puts at the frontline.  Who is Panetta killing off from the U.S. side or hoping will die.

You can't just say, "We disagree and we want you to move out of our country."  You need to put your planes in place and let Panetta know if he continues to move forward, he is inviting resistance and there will be a war.

He's probably looking for some excuse to do worse, but maybe if the idea that a larger country could step in as well, he will not get support from the U.S. any longer.

He's a shame to this country.  I would bet, if someone looked hard enough on a legal basis, they could also find that he has violated some kind of treaty.  I don't know what, but he encourages violations of the U.S. Constitution, so it will be even worse for another country.

President Obama Guilty of High Crimes

I just watched the Arlington address and realized, bursting into tears, after it was over, this President is guilty of High Crimes & Treason.  He is a criminal.  He stood there, affirming HE is "Commander in Chief" of the U.S. military and while he talks falsely about promising not to put soldiers in harm's way, he already knows about torture of my son and family.

Obama is a bigger criminal than a Mexican Mafia and he knows it.  He stood there, starting out with a big "oh thank you" to people who "leave their country for 'Revolution'" (he already knows my ex-fiancee Alvaro Pardo) and then he closes with another nod to "Baltimore."  Maryland.  The people connected to Baltimore that this President refers to are criminals.

It's a bunch of garbage.  This President allowed me and my son to be tortured and knew I was being used as a pawn to get Alvaro Pardo into this country illegally--breaking all of the rules that any other foreign person is supposed to obey, to make an exception for someone who screwed me over and destroyed my son's life.

Leon Panetta just disgusts me.  I saw him standing there behind the President and felt sick just looking at him.  He is a criminal as well and he knows Alvaro Pardo directly.

They tortured all of us and they tried to use us.  Then, they tried to kill me and tortured my son in front of my eyes to try to punish me. 

I revealed my parents are twins.  My mother has a twin and my Dad has a twin and they have been using my parents for decades and torturing them as well, kidnapping them whenever they want and forcing them into silence. 

They can't even disclose how they use my parents in criminal ways and how they've committed crime against my family, so if they ever get a crazy idea that someone did something they don't like, or they don't do whatever the U.S. wants them to do, they interrogate them and punish them without any court of law.

Why do you think President Obama just signed a new defense bill into law, at the turn of this New Year?  The law allows the President, military, law enforcement, and this country, to hold and detain and imprison any citizen without any explanation to the court and without pressing charges.  This criminal President signed a criminal law into the books, allowing officials to treat U.S. citizens the same way they treat foreigners for war crimes.  No charges, indeterminate lengths of imprisonment (whether house arrest, blocked freedom of travel, forced interrogations, and abductions).  They not only now have this law signed, which is a direct violation of the Constitution--for the same country that Obama tried to "Bless" today.

You're not authorized to give a "blessing" Obama.  God does not hear you.  You turned your back on God and if you think God is listening to YOU and that you have any weight to ask for a "blessing" for this country, you are delusional.

Now, not only did Obama sign a bill allowing for illegal detention, abuse, torture, interrogation, and illicit immprisonment without any court of law, Judge, jury, right to attorney, or right to be charged, they had Bush sign a law before that, which allowed for the children of U.S. citizens to be tortured if they feel it's "helpful" for interrogating parents they suspect (or make excuses for suspecting) have done something wrong.

First this country signs a law to let them abuse and torture kids of U.S. citizens.

Then, Obama signs a law to allow U.S. citizens to be treated like Guantanamo prisoners with no rights and interrogated and tortured in secretive ways.

This President is a criminal.  

He gets up there and makes a big speech with eager beaver Panetta behind him, still gloating over killing more Pakistanis and Afghanis without cause.  They are just going around, exterminating anyone who was ever or is still part of Al-Quaeda, despite the fact that before Panetta put them on his religious hit list, they had made the first public declarations ever, to try to negotiate or find peace.

What did they get for that?   Nothing.  They are being systematically assassinated--all of them.  This country ignores the fact that they are torturing people inside their own country, including KIDS, and spends money to assassinate and exterminate all members of one group, even where there is no present plot to do anything to the U.S. at all.

I'm surprised their not killing all of the women and children too.  I mean why not?  if you want to run a religious crusade, the Catholics have never left behind women and children.

They don't care about kids who are U.S. citizens, so I'm shocked they're sparing kids over there.  At this point, whoever is black that supports Obama is only supporting him because of his skin color and nothing else.  Obama represents nothing of civil rights and justice.

He has signed the worst possible and most shocking law this country has ever seen: one that violates the Constitution in every way, and contradicts the idea he is "American" at all.  No one, who is authentically American, would damage the country or its reputation in such a way.  He's CIA-bred, his mother was CIA, and all he does is follow what Catholic-dominated CIA, military, and FBI tell him to do.  You notice this new law to imprison U.S. citizens without anyone knowing about it, came up after Leon Panetta got elected as head of the Pentagon.

It means any citizen could get picked up in their own country and taken on "extraordinary rendition" to some secret "black site", and be tortured, threatened, interrogated, and have their U.S. citizen-kids tortured as well.  No one would ever know.  That's how the law is written.  It allows for imprisonment of citizens at black sites, and to be held as prisoners in circumstances where to all outward appearances, they don't look like hostages.  Instead, they're secretly told what to do, where to do, and are not free.

What a great way to intimidate citizens who are whistleblowers.  "If you don't do what the military tells you to do, what the CIA tells you to do, or FBI tells you to do, we have this law here that allows us to take you wherever we want and NO ONE WILL HEAR YOU WHEN YOU SCREAM."

They already torture me, my family, and my son.

This President is guilty of Treason and High Crimes.  He should be prosecuted for his crimes of multiple violations of the U.S. Constitution.  They've made his position, and the position of intelligence, superior to the foundation that this entire country was established on.

What a great call for morale.  Soldiers feel great to know they are fighting for a country that isn't even "The United States" any longer.  If they're not fighting for the so-called "Freedoms" that they're told they fight for, why go into the service at all.  To fight Crusades for the Catholic church? Why don't they start sending in the President, and Panetta and Mueller to the front of the line and see how much courage they have.

Real brave men.

So brave, they torture babies and ask teenagers to lose their limbs for a country they're ruining.

I don't know why Pakistan's military doesn't block the U.S. from entering their air zones.  Pakistan should be blocking the U.S. from even getting close.  They can talk about not wanting the U.S. there, but they need planes in place, to fight the U.S. off. 







Adam: Son Of Navy Intelligence: "Harper"

Like his Dad didn't know my son and I were being tortured.  I was tortured after I knew Adam, who is half Mexican, who went to Lewis & Clark law school and worked as a library attendent, who is Roman Catholic, whose Dad he said worked in highly classified Navy intelligence in California, and who had marijuana spread all over his furniture.

He let me use his account for Lexus for a couple of day, with the password "Harper", the same name the Beckhams gave their latest daughter, after Kate Middleton was successfully married off after a criminal navigation of torture and murder of many people.  Lexus, a legal search enginge,  was no big deal because it was the exact same thing I used when I was in the law library myself.

He encouraged me to smoke a joint and I said no.

That's how into "drugs" I was/am.  I never used any kind of drug, not even marijuana, when the FBI, doctors, and CPS were outright defaming me as being a drug addict.  They are liars.

Instead, the people who never get hurt, are the Catholic sons and daughters of Navy Intelligence who plot to torture kids so a single Mom won't tell on their son for being into weed, or maybe the FBI just didn't want anyone to find out Adam was also connected to their FBI Mexican sexual abusers who they bribed Portland Police not to prosecute.

These people are all users and criminals.  And yes, Kate Middleton is connected to them, isn't it great.  I seriously hope she gets caught and exposed for what she is personally responsible for.

The people who tortured me and my son, have never been held accountable.  My son has not been returned even though the FBI has the same information now to clear me and return my son, that they had to clear me of being defamed for being "delusional to think you knew FBI" by Dr. Michael Parnell.  The FBI knew, the entire time I publicly suffered with excruciating pain, that if they gave me the FOIA I had politely and repeatedly asked for, I would be able to clear my name and protect my safety and right to be treated.

Everything the FBI has done is criminal collusion and conspiracy. 

They withheld my file from me for 7 years?!  When I first asked for it when it could have helped me and my son?

Harper Seven is a nod to the FBI and Navy Intelligence and the Middleton criminals and nothing more.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Ratios for World Wealth

I am trying to find the actual book statistic for this article I'm reviewing for Gender & Environment.  I put on Britney Spears, right before getting started, with "You Wanna Piece of Me" and then I was trying to look up this book by F.E. Trainer and there's nothing online.  So I can't check the footnote in p. 14 of his 1989 book, "Developed to Death:  Rethinking 3rd World Development".  I tried. 

I have some doubts so I wanted to see for myself, if the footnote is refering to a statistic from another book, where did they then get the statistic and how was it computed?  But I can't fact-check.

I want to know if the numbers are adjusted  and also, I want to know, if the U.S. keeps getting this disproportionately wealthy, how much of this is coming from just the top 1-5% and how much is reflective of the U.S. as compared at an average with other nations.

Anything.  Oh oops.  Can't concentrate with the music on.  I meant "Anyway."

Had the idea flash...Has Weird Al done a spoof on this one?  "You Wanna Piece Of Meat"?  to my Vegan ears it's sounding like "yoo wanna pieca meat, do yoo wanna pieca meat?"

The next one I picked it one I've never heard before "The Earthquake" by Mashup.  I've never even heard of Mashup. 

It's Meat and Potatoes baby.  My way. 

The article I'm reading is called "Liberating the Consumer." 

Now clean your plate.

First I heard the one by Tini Tempah and then I clicked on one with Eminem and it's good too, I like some of the switch-up.  My favorite switch is in the echo room.  Not caring for taking God's name in vain, but some of the music ideas are interesting.  It sort of goes from this monastery echoing chambers to "oh my God" and I guess you could think of it as taking God's name in vain, or in an exclamation about God, and then he goes on to say someone is trying to kill someone.

It has this man painting a woman on the side of a railway car in one clip--sort of had to look at that.  Makes me sort of sad to see it.  Sort of sad to think, even joking about my "meat and potatoes" music, my sustenance, thinking about how some people don't even have enough food to eat. The graffiti on the car makes me feel sad for the ex-offenders and wrongly imprisoned.

The FBI Commits Murder-for-Hire (to the FBI)

Read my last post.

The FBI commits murder-for-hire.  They have colluded to commit torture and encourage suffering and they worked with the DOJ to assassinate and plot to kill me, more than once.

They have been trying to kill me and they have abused their power to buy silence.  Taken alone, this sentence sounds crazy and yet for almost 1 full year my cars were targeted to have the battery drained of power while I was trying to drive and mechanics said there was never anything wrong with the battery; the FBI withheld evidence that proved I had conversations with them which would have proven Dr. Parnell was wrong to label me as "mentally ill" because he didn't think I could know any FBI (when really he was creating a cover for them); FBI went a step further by then giving Canada slanderous information about me which they had encouraged and collected from Dr.'s like Parnell, and by taking The Willamette Week out of context and using defamatory internal files about me--knowing this undermined my credibility and safety; FBI then went even further to encourage  a psych ward to assault me with repeated chemicals at levels which would have resulted in death if I had not hidden most of the pills (cheeked them) and instead resulted, after a week, in an extreme toxicity reaction where they paraded me before medical interns over.  I know it wasn't a mistake and that they tried to kill me because when I later saw records for how many pills they said they gave me, it was wrong and they made the count lower than it really was.  The women dispensing the medications knew exactly how much they were giving me and at least once or more there was a male doctor in their offices at the same time they were dispensing.

The FBI was also involved in obstructing my freedom of travel when I wanted to leave the country at that point and applied for a passport.  While the FBI instructed the Dept. of State to stall on processing my passport, knowing they impeded my travel, they set me up for a false arrest to keep me in the U.S., claiming I made an improper 911 call and then they transfered me to be injected with a foreign substance in non-official capacity, and held me for research.  The Knoxville FBI has never responded to my request for FOIA because they were involved in that incident.  My passport was not delivered to me until the FBI knew I had no money and then they gave me my passport, almost 1 year later when I applied correctly the first time and it should have taken only a month or so to give to me.

Even when I reported someone running into me with a car while I was walking as a pedestrian, across a crosswalk, both the local police and FBI did nothing.  I later researched the vehicle plate and found the description of the driver matched the same man featured in a U.S. military website.  He was military and the police and FBI protected him and any illegal activities done against me, simply because he was with the military.  He was driving and another person inside the vehicle yelled out, "Get out of the way!"  I was crossing on a crosswalk, and they saw me before they directed their car into me, because first they circled a block and were watching me and then they aimed for me.  The comment made was after I had written a post about Kate Middleton and something about get out of the way or how her thugs were trying to do this to me.  Her thugs are U.S. military then?  Why would Middleton have military thugs, from the U.S. by the way.  If I remember correctly, he was with the Navy.  That was in 2010.  A Catholic Navy guy I met at Lewis & Clark law college gave me his law password, which was "Harper".  He was from San Diego and his father is/was Navy intelligence.  1 year later, I was repeatedly tortured and drugged and thrown into a psych ward, and then Kate Middleton gets married, 1 day later Navy Seals kill Osama bin ladin and then Kate is visiting her Catholic friend in California, who names her kid Harper.  You know, the kid that shows up 9 months after Middleton gets engaged to her clinicially depressed boyfriend who is suffering from PTSD. 

Which is really hilarious when you think about how Mike Huckabee had this big "program" on last night, to applaud some ding-bat that marries a "Navy Seal" when he's a diagnosed crackhead.  Nothing like Pride Of America there.  For Memorial Day, let's remember how crackheads get retained by the Navy to terrorize not just other countries, but those here in the U.S.  And then let's applaud the women who marry them to try to "change" them.  The whole sob story was about how he said he'd only "beat it" if she married him so she did, knowing he was fully addicted to CRACK.  So there is nothing like trying to justify taking advantage of a situation there at all.  Then the guy goes out, blows off his hand and loses an eye and no one tells us, the whole time, if he ever got over "crack".  Then he learns to shoot with both hands, and dies.  While people write to me all the time, screaming at me about "I'm not supporting you on welfare" and while I am forced by MILITARY (not regular guys but DOD) to live with their people while they degrade and assult me, we're supporting "Troops On Crack".  Of course they pass their physical exams.  They're uh...on crack.  It's like the Mexican orchard workers who don't seem to get tired at all and pick an extra 4 bins...well, sure, the fruit don't mind so don't tell us where you got your speed.  Lives in crack hands, is different. It was like the big "Let's Try To Make People Like Kate Middleton Sound Noble" program.  The guy probably did a big crack snort right before his wedding day.  ("I can quit whenever I want...I know I can, I know I can, I think I SSSNnnnnnnnnnnoonooOOORT think I can, I think I can...HEY YOU MUTHERFUCKERS WANNA KILL US SUM RAGHEADS???? RIGHT AFTYR I GET MY BLOODY ASS MARRIED YOU FUCKIN HOOKAHS!!!").

(By the way, please read the above not as something I would say, but putting dialogue into a character's mouth)

I mean, it's not like the Middleton's aren't mafia and murderers or anything.  And um WHY? is there this state-sponsored (it would seem) American interest (from some) in promoting them?  It's one thing if someone is falsely alleged to be mentally ill and is being targeted, for others to think of ways to resolve this, and it's another thing to push people to be married when, if William of Wales had really wanted to marry her, he'd have committed long before he did and not at what others would call a "weak" or "vulnerable" time in his life.

That said, he was smart enough to hang his head a little and have some propriety for his own wedding, whereas she sat up and smugged for the camera, knowing she is responsible for torture of kids, including my son. 

So even in cases where the person is U.S. military (man running into me for Middleton's sake, via Navy contacts) and not maybe an FBI employee, wherever a state-paid or sponsored person commits a crime and then is not investigated, it makes the FBI liable for aiding and abetting in the commission of crimes.

I was even shown evidence of FBI involvement in trying to kill me.

The last communication I had with anyone in the FBI was from Portland FBI telling me to "call DHS" (Department of Health Services) for a judicial felony matter and child kidnapping.

Then they wrote back and said they wanted specific details on Judes, knowing I already gave them specific details.  Judge Warren illegally suspended my license on this date.  I have told you this HOW MANY TIMES? and you have more information than me but you tell ME to 'give us specific details'.

To the FBI:  I don't even know what your job title stands for anymore.  Most of you should have "Murder for Hire" added to your resumes.

TO DATE:  The FBI still has not turned over records they have which they knew exonnerate me and would return my son to me.  They have not done this because they are guilty of conspiracy to kidnap a child and traffick him from one country to the next; guilty of conspiracy to commit false arrest; guilty of conspiracy to coerce me to sign a false statement and of extortion in demanding I do this or go to jail; conspiracy to block my freedom of travel; conspiracy to commit torture; conspiracy to defame; conspiracy to commit murder.

I posted this, and then later, the DOD/DOE is still using military technology against us and targeted metal in my teeth again.

If I'm correct, Panetta is from San Diego.  Leon Panetta?  Right? 

I only used the legal site a few times and then it was disrupted and it was so far at the end of my lawsuits, to the point where I had obstruction of justice already and lost one because of chronic bizzare bronchitis that had no explanation.  Most likely though, it is possible to get into my own personal computer by allowing access to Lexus Nexis because Lexus Nexis tracks ip addresses and don't tell me none of their employees were ever involved.  I did about 98% of my work without using this site, and I used it at the college and checked out books too.  I am smart.  Don't let anyone tell you different.

Why do you think I've been tortured afterall?  They've wanted to dumb me down, keep me out of college and education, keep me out of law school, slander me to prevent me from holding my same occupation of nanny or in childcare or have my own business in this, ruin my singing voice, and drug me to permanently ruin and destroy my creativity.

And then they think they can just keep using me and my son.

I guess actually, I think the guy I knew was possibly from L.A.  I know San Diego is where his Dad was, I believe, but he may have been from L.A. because his mother and father were (I think) divorced.  His mother or father was Mexican.

Basically, it's really great, because the military and CIA use you, and forbid your own parents from ever giving you any information or instruction about what and who to avoid before you're out on your own.

The first time I was attacked, being held hostage in my own house with 2 other roommates, even then, the police were telling me not to tell anyone.  "Don't tell anyone."  "Don't talk to the media." For all I know, the DOJ set it up themselves and then told me and my friend Monica "not to tell" while they wanted Shirina Edwin to talk to the top Prosecuting Attorney personally, behind closed doors.  They never wanted to talk to me or Monica at all. Just Shirina, the former Marine from Alaska.

I remember the U.S. was doing horrible things to my Dad at that time.  It was 1996-1997 and I remember that both he and my parents had all these bad things happening to them all of a sudden.  I remember my Dad wasn't even feeling like himself at all.  After this, I was set up to be raped repeatedly by U.S. government-connected employees.  Rape and sexual assaults, more than once, and they tried to pass me around as well.

The U.S. did nothing but torture us. 

They are still torturing my son as well.

Medication Without Consent Continues: FBI CRIMINALS

I am still being medicated without my consent as well.

I am still having the droopy eye and that's in addition to being tortured by military technology.

I had 1 month of relief and then someone didn't like how I was asserting myself again and regaining my focus, so I was drugged again.  Not by family because I haven't even had anything from them.

The only time I had any relief was for a month approximately where there was nothing and then when I noticed I was still being drugged, I fasted.  During the time I fasted, I regained my clarity and ability to focus.

Part of the problem, I believe, is still continued effects from the FBI almost killing me with over a week of toxic Haldol overdose.

I haven't been able to focus the same way since they did this to me.

Then, after that, I was injected with the foreign substance at the federal detention center and I have no idea what it was.  Like I said, there was no medical person there.  It was 2 women in police uniforms who did this to me when I was not yelling, fighting them, or resisting in any way.  I was naked and they turned me around, yanked up my arms behind my back, and shot me up.

The amount of Haldol I was given was enough to kill me and there is no doubt this is what they wanted or hoped would happen.

They shot me up, per FBI approval and recommendation and order.  First, they gave me the strongest possible injection that you can give someone, regardless of their weight.  They did this the minute I arrived, prior to any "evaluation" which is why they said they were sending me there.  There was no evaluation.  I asked to make a phone call and they shot me up with a toxic injection.

Then, they forced me to take Haldol pills and another drug that is harmful, 2 times every day for over a week.  They lied about how much they gave me.  The fact that they lied about how many pills they were giving me, proves they were trying to kill me.  So, for example, I wrote down "They gave me 4 pills, 2 were white and small and say __ on them and 2 are orange and say ____ on them and they said they are___ and ___(brands)."

I compared my notes on what they had given me with what they documentation and they documented fewer pills.  They lied.

They were giving me a few extra pills and not even recording it in their notes.

If I had taken all of those pills, when they wanted me to, I would have died from toxic overdose.  This is because, they not only believed I was taking all of them, they then doubled more on top of that amount.  I had an extreme reaction from overdose and it wasn't even the level of overdose they had hoped for.

They tried to kill me.  Nice to know the FBI wants to marry you in as their daughter-in-law one day and kill you the next. 

Because I had "cheeked" the pills, I was able to go back to my room and document how many they had given me and what they looked like.  I recorded everything.  And because I had cheeked them, my overdose was not fatal. 

Instead, my thinking has been ruined ever since.

The FBI is responsible for major, serious crimes.  Mueller should be in prison.  Laura Laughlin is prison bait.  And the FBI in Portland, Oregon has agents who should be in prison.  Diane Harsha with the FBI in Nashville, TN should be in prison, along with whoever has encouraged criminal conspiracy from D.C. offices.

They did not just jack me up with a toxic overdose--they could have killed me and this is what their intention was.  The man making the notes, who ordered and sent for the doctor to inject me, was U.S. military.  He was the biggest Southern asshole that should be hog-tied and strung up by the hamhocks that I met there.

They did not do a blood test on me when I first arrived at ER.  They did no blood test of any kind.  They had no base level for anything and they knew I had gone there with internal bleeding and with a broken knee.  I kept asking for a blood test and they kept hoping I would just fall over and die.

Where's my creativity?

Have I written ONE poem since the FBI drugged me to the point of almost killing me?

I have not written even one song or poem or even been able to dance except for a couple of rare times I fasted or purged my system of their crap and as soon as I ate again, I was dead again.

The FBI took my body.

I FUCKING WANT MY BODY and they had better FUCKING find a way to say:
YOU MAY HAVE THE BODY with regard to my son Oliver you living God-damn ASSHOLES.

I want to see Laura Laughlin IN PRISON.

WHY IS SHE NOT IN PRISON with a bunch of the FBI conspirators who tried to MURDER me?

First, in this country, they TORTURE mothers and kids.  Then they try to marry them in to reduce their liability and then they TORTURE again and TRY TO KILL YOU.

They tried to kill me and they've ruined my son's life.  This FBI withheld information I had a right to have from the start, knowing it ruined and damaged my life, and they hoped I would suffer and be killed over it.