Saturday, February 26, 2011

This Morning & Gregory Craig, lawyer for Elian Gonzalez

I worked last night and then, I don't know if I had it before or just noticed it now, but after I was online and using my computer, someone was utilizing my laptop to create the burning sensation. At the same time, someone kept shutting down my computer and wouldn't allow me to restart it even though I tried several times. I moved to a different table and some of the same problems. It was a combination of technology problems, not just my "feeling" of the burning sensation, which is real. So someone has been doing this for at least the last 3 days and then last night I had a couple of men trying to make me worry about my son's welfare.

This morning I got the verse from Mark 16 about the angels at the tomb of Jesus.

I sent an email to the former attorney for Elian Gonzalez yesterday. I want him to take on an international case for my son. I found him online through looking up Elian and his name is Gregory Craig. The first thing I found about him was a wiki page with him next to Obama, in the Oval office, and underneath a shell shaped molding. Yesterday morning I had breakfast at the shelter, and what is weird, is that I randomly took a tray and there is various silverware on it. The forks and spoons are all different and I never once noticed until yesterday for some odd reason. I looked at my silverware and it had a shell design at the end. So then I, for some reason, stared at this and was thinking for a moment and then looked at the silverware for everyone else and it was all different. The only thing that stood out for me was that I even looked at the silverware or even NOTICED what the design was. I had picked the tray out, from a line up, on my own, no one handed it to me. So then it was like this shell-design deja vu because that same afternoon I found his wiki page and he is standing directly beneath the same design. The design on the molding is identical. Not just close, but exact.

And of course I was not going to write to him about this coincidence. All it was was coincidence, but it was odd that the same thing came up in the same day, for something important. Also, my mother had said to find a lawyer and I was sitting next to this woman who looked like my mother, at a hotel computer, when I decided to look this lawyer up. And then, I looked up and saw that the framed photo above me looked like The Supreme Court but I don't know what building it is. And then too, I had passed this restaurant called "Alexander's" right before I went to this hotel, and then I found out one of the main persons Craig represented was a Russian guy named Alexander, for libel. and THEN I also noticed the tie he was wearing matched the dress I wore one day, which I was photographed in, my first trip to Washington D.C. It was cobalt blue or I don't know what color blue it is exactly bc not totally cobalt, and had tiny little white dots or print in it.

I read his bio and all of his work and experience fits what I need, and he is with a powerful law firm that has enough clout to support someone if they were going up against powerful forces. It may be there is another lawyer who wants my case, who is good and I got a note from one who I will take a look at, but I don't see why Craig or his firm wouldn't find my case to at least be challenging and somewhat thrilling.

Craig has hit upon every element of my case:

He has represented others in libel and slander (important, bc it's a major element for me)--Alexander the Russian Guy,
He represented people involved in public corruption (doesn't matter what side, he has experience with the facts)--He repped Eliot Spitzer
He represented political asylum,
child custody and natural parental rights
and international law cases--Elian Gonzalez

and then more. The main issue that will result in the immediate return of my son is the violation of international law, abduction of a child in violation of parental rights, and collusion between international parties to defame, falsely arrest, and kidnap and then try to make it all look "legal". RICO. I think he's perfect. I feel that just having him asking some questions and getting FOIA would result in a major table deal of negotiation. I really do not believe that, faced with such a lawyer and firm, anyone would try to buck the system any longer--go to court to be exposed? I think someone would hasten to negotiate and possibly even voluntarily "dismiss" and throw out the case, as they offered to do in the very beginning and should have done instead of lying and getting their own gangsters involved.

I need a lawyer who handles international law and parental rights and who is capable, and has the brainpower, to understand that the actions taken by CPS, with cooperation from other "authorities" amount to fraud.

The entire case against me is a fraud.

And then they assign me with some public defender to "appeal" which makes it look like there is a "real" case to begin with when there's not. It is a case of fraud and invalid from the start and a VICTIM of fraud and crime, does not then go to "appeals" court to try to say something was done wrong with the process when the removal, from the very start, was illegal and was done by criminal means.




There is the TRUTH and then there is THE LIE. The LIE is this case--it is fraud and I had discovered that Washington State was so interested in protecting their lie, that they used close to 1 million dollars to defend and cover up their illegal actions. The AG of Washington State and their partners, spent taxpayer money to cover themselves, and THEN, when I first mentioned "kidnapping" for the first time ever on my blog, their head AG rushes to try to convince citizens in Washington to pass a law giving state employees immunity (protection) from being sued.

How convenient.

Is it any wonder I had people over there trying so hard to keep me down? Look at what they knew they had to lose. As long as I was tortured and forced out of housing and money and emotionally traumatized, they felt safe. As long as they kept everything controlled over there, and with people they knew who would protect their buddies and friends, they felt safe. And then they try to bring that kind of thing over here.

This is like the case of doubles.

There is Cameo Garrett and then there is Cameo Garrett #2 (the person they tried to create on paper, by defamation and false arrest.

There is the truth, which is the real CASE, and then there is Case #2 which is what they created to cover up for the actual case.

Asking a public defender to "appeal" Case 2, which is not even a valid case, is asking someone to presuppose the Case is valid from the start.

It's not valid.

This Case 2 is an illusion that was created to cover up for the Case 1 which is that my son was kidnapped from me and then I was made to look like the guilty party. They shifted the attention away from their illegal activities to try to put the focus on me.

The real case, is a case against U.S. and some Canadian officials, of the abduction of my son under legal pretense and auspices. That's not something that goes to civil court, or appeals court. Fraud, kidnapping of a child, collusion, public corruption, and reckless endangerment of a minor are things that are



and it seems that if I need a lawyer at all, it is to ENFORCE THIS because the "ENFORCERS" are NOT DOING THEIR JOB.

In fact, it seems the evidence is pointing to some obstruction of justice by some FBI workers, and I am getting more of a picture of what has been going on. It's not everyone in the FBI, but there are bad and corrupt people in that organization and how ironic would it be to discover the man in charge of "Public Corruption" for the FBI is corrupt himself? I want to know who has been blocking the investigation of criminal conduct and then stepping over the line to defame me, out of their own interests, and not from truth.

Which reminds me to look up the definition of reckless endangerment of a child.

It fits what has happened to my son but I would have to have people coming forward to help prove it. I believe that some international people would testify if they could divulge some of their intel. I also believe that people will come forward on a lot of things if someone like Gregory Craig took this case.

I wouldn't ask Craig to take a CPS case.

That's not the point.

The point is that I went to Canada with my son, legally, for political asylum, and my parental rights were violated by the criminal conduct of U.S. and Canadian officials. They premeditated the abduction of my child and then instead of just giving him back, as they knew they should legally, they intentionally and willfully defamed me and did incredible things to cover up what they had done, spending around a million (or possibly much more)in the process.

This is a case of abduction and violation of international and domestic law, with disregard to the right of the parent, and not just that, whereas in Elian's case it was the family "at fault", and more of a civil case, in this case, U.S. officials and Canadian officials colluded to commit an illicit crime (more than one).
I looked up reckless endangerment and endangerment of a child. The State of Washington is guilty. I believe people would show up to confirm reckless endangerment, but even if I just took the law at its word, for child endangerment, the State can be sued, where they have made themselves the "legal guardian", for putting my son at risk or substantial risk for harm. Child endangerment can be putting a child at risk physically, emotionally (psychologically), and in a variety of ways.

First of all, they colluded with others to commit crime. Secondly, after kidnapping my son, they knew their actions put my son at a substantial or imminent risk of harm. They intentionally prevented my son from being evaluated or treated medically, by someone who did not have a conflict of interest. They knew that my son was suffering from emotional trauma and did not return him to me, to remedy the matter. They KNEW they should return him, and even while knowing they had participated in criminal activity, and knowing it damaged my son, they continued to put and keep my son in a state of harm. They also, upon acquiring status of "legal guardian" of my son, intentionally stalled and delayed the process as a favor to medical professionals they knew, who they were protecting. By stalling the process and retaining guardianship, they made it impossible for me to sue on my son's behalf, for his medical damages. They were running the statute of limitations for their friends. They also knew my son experienced physical harm and they concealed this. They deliberately cut off and cancelled a number of visits my son had with me, knowing this was resulting in psychological harm to my son. They employed visitation monitors who had no ethics, who also contributed to the psychological harm of my son, by doing things such as telling my son to lie to me. In one instance, lying about who put my son's shoes on his feet backwards, right in front of my son (Anne Crane), thereby destroying my son's ability to trust adults as honest protectors of his rights. Anne did not only do things to my son and then lie in front of my child, trying to blame a CHILD for HER ACTIONS, right in front of him, she lied throughout the reports she made about our visitation. Other state workers also coached my son to lie to me and my son was punished or rewarded if he followed their orders.

This created an inability to trust adults.

Which only added to the severe displacement and psychological stress he has endured and endures, from an extremely traumatic and abrupt separation. He was then promised he would see his mother more, by state workers, and then was disappointed when MaryAnn McIntosh went back on her word and started cancelling and cutting off visits with my son. This was done after she had assured Julie, a lawyer, me, and my son, that we would have visits increased.

Every single thing done in this "case" was done to cover up the fact that there was no valid case to start with.

They were motivated by this self interest, to lie throughout the entire thing. They deliberately worked with public defenders to keep documentation out of the public file that was damaging to them and would show they were criminals.

If anyone in the FBI was obstructing justice and blocking me from making a report, it was potentially to protect some of them from being held liable for defamation and collusion with Canadian officials.

Before my son was taken from me, I had an attorney, who used to work for the FBI as an agent, tell me I needed to look at the NCIC or file the FBI had on me. I had contacted him wondering why I was having problems with local police all of a sudden. It was like something had been done or said that turned everyone against me and I had law enforcement all over me. I then tried to file FOIA requests and the FBI, up to D.C., ignored all of my requests and then sent me a letter saying there was nothing about me. Which wasnt true. But that's what they said. Then I kept getting arrested and police felt they didn't have to take my complaints about anthing and I was being called "mentally ill" when I had never been diagnosed. Then I found out, while in Canada, someone tried to say to Canadians that I was paranoid schitzo when I wasn't. It was frank defamation and I could prove it. So then when my son was kidnapped, this was one thing everyone seemed bent on--doing whatever it took to claim I was nuts. Because if they already knew the case was invalid and that they were committing crime and encouraging others to allow them to break and violate the law, it's best to make others think the woman is crazy so it must be okay. Then I tried to get help from Nashville FBI and they told me to go to Vanderbilt ER where they had people throw me into a psych ward and declare I was mentally ill and shoot me up with dangerous medications. I found out it was the FBI that was defaming me. So if they defamed me and were so interested with Vanderbilt, it became more likely that if some of them were obstructing justice in Washington, it was because they also had something to cover up.

The right people in the FBI need to take charge, and if the man in charge of the "Public Corruption" offices is obstructing justice, he needs to go. If it's someone beneath him, then that person needs to go. Someone has got to go. Some of these people are working for their own special interests and not for public service.

I wrote to the CIA because I realized they may have investigative rights, because although they do not investigate "domestic" things, my case involves international laws and activity.

If neither agency investigates, it's not good for morale or public trust, in my opinion. Some agency should be able to step in, discover the facts that make this case invalid on its face, and return my son to me immediately.

I don't know why the U.S. or anyone would ask taxpayers to even support an appeals process that is for a fraudulent case to begin with. If Washington is having budget problems, they could have maybe saved over a million dollars by returning my son the moment they realized what they had done could get them in trouble and was damaging to my son. Why are they now asking taxpayers to pay for an appeal? on a case that is not even valid to start with? so THEY look "okay"? THEY are costing the State millions of dollars by squandering public monies to cover up for their own mistakes and some intentional criminal activities. They are not just costing taxpayers, they are profitting from crime.
I got a call from someone while writing this but in case that person is reading this, I don't know who or what it was. It kept breaking up and I couldn't hear anything except for what sounded like waves on a beach. TN number. Won't say.
I just want my son back and keeping him has been running the statute of limitations for my son. I have plenty of evidence to prove what I say is true. I collected most of this and then it was stolen and my last lawyer wouldn't allow me to get it reordered and put it in the record. I was blocked by the PDs there from entering relevant information into the record.

Someone needs to investigate my facts and claims or there is no point at all to the system. Appeals can only look look at actions on the process of a case. The case itself is a fraud, and THIS is what needs to be addressed.

Even if I won appeal, it would suppose the whole case was still a valid case, and that I required services of some kind. Services for ME to take, as if THEY are the "good guys" and I was the problem. This is wrong. I am a victim of crimes by the State and they want me to get services for the crap THEY pulled. If anyone needs psych evals and services, they do. They need to be fired but really, some of them should go to jail for what they've done.

What I know, is that the entire thing can be thrown out and my son returned to me without delay if someone investigates or a lawyer pushes for FOIA or brings up a case.

If this doesn't happen, the public corruption is aggregious and there is no one to turn to in the U.S., and I am not going to play this game any longer. I was wrong to go along with what they did and play the game as long as I did. I was wrong to submit to a psych eval or do anything they asked, because even when I cooperated they just lied more. They all lied, and they are all corrupt. The person or agency that investigates my report of crime is the one that is NOT corrupt.

Friday, February 25, 2011

This Morning: Criminals of the State

I guess a few things happened.

I heard tornado sirens for the first time in my life. They had them in TN but I wasn't afraid at all. However, I got upset about something and it seems like weather stuff happens, sometimes, right when I'm expressing to God my frustrations. Of course I know this isn't true, and it's coincidence, but it is a frequent coincidence. Then I calmed down. I didn't let it show but I was upset. I guess the storm was due and expected but I didn't know it.

Then, this morning I called about this appointment and asked for someone to come to mind that I should talk to but the only person coming to mind, I found out, was the coordinator of services and she fit the description. I saw the color and length of hair and sort of face but I'd have to see her in person to know if it was a match.

Then the other thing that came to mind was "John" (not connected) but then I opened up the scripture verse I'd just put in my pocket was from John. John 14:23.

My laptop is having problems today and overheating and the burning thing is going on. And I got upset about what has happened to me and my son, and how much we have suffered and been tortured, and for what?

There are things that make me upset just thinking about it because my son and I suffered in order for other persons to acheive what they wanted for their own groups. I don't forgive any of them. God can forgive them, but there are people still doing this to us and they are not able to receive my forgiveness even if I gave it to them.

I have work, which is okay, but I am nowhere near where I would be, had these people not interfered and obstructed my life.

I made a demand to the CIA for the immediate return of my son. They do not investigate "domestic" crimes, but they do investigate international things. If the FBI isn't going to do something to investigate as they are required to do, the CIA should because it was not just domestic but international.

My point is that there is no such thing as "Appeals" in court for something that was done that was a crime. A victim of a crime does not go to "appeals" court to restore their rights. They go to the group that is in charge of investigating crime. My son was abducted under legal auspices and what was done was criminal. I should have made my demand and understood my right to make a demand, a long time ago.

I will not live in the U.S. if they do not return my son--And investigate crime and take my report as they should.

I don't care what the agenda is, taking my son was abduction and I can prove it and I can prove public corruption and defamation and false arrest to keep me from proving it. And then federal agency workers who tried to block me and obstruct my ability to make a report.

I don't really care if someone is working high up to catch some kind of big drug lord or doing some kind of important political or scientific process or research. My son and I are innocent citizens who have been harmed beyond repair, in many regards.

How are you going to compensate us and make up for what we've lost?

I see no possible way for anyone to ever be able to restore to us what was taken deliberately, and these people are criminals whose families are safe and protected.

Abduction of a child, or kidnapping, is illegal. Making it "appear" legal does not mean it is not a crime. That only means it is a concealed crime and that fraud has been committed to make things appear legal.

Making me out to be mentally ill, in order to "buy time" for yourselves and discredit me, is also a form of fraud when it is known there is no mental illness. And really, there has not even been a diagnosis. I have been shot up with medications even, that were harmful, with no professional and formal diagnosis of anything.

No victim of crime goes to "appeals" court.

Someone whose child is kidnapped, or held hostage, does not to County Commissioners to "Appeal" the hostage situation.

My son and I have been hostages in America. We have been held hostage by some of our own citizens and with the support of some who are international.

This is absolutely NO different from the case of the Iranian man who was held hostage in the U.S. under "legal auspices". It didn't "look" illegal on the face of it. He wasn't being bound in chains, and he was moving about, buying groceries, going to the gym, going to work, and yet he was being forced to stay here and work for the U.S., against his own will. How is it possible that this can even happen? It DOES happen.

I have been held hostage and my son held hostage, under even tighter controls than the Iranian man. I have specific examples to point to, of being falsely arrested more than once, deprived of work, deprived of my right to communications, medications without my consent, deprivation of the love and affection and bonding with my only son, and even deliberate attempts to prevent me from traveling freely, in or out of towns.

The taking of my son was invalid from the start and the public corruption involved international persons. Both U.S. and some who were Canadian. It was a kidnapping and abduction and the way they went about it, was illegal. They committed crime, not civil infringement, but crime in order to then try to cover it up and make it appear legal. And then they had to cover it up even more by making me appear to be mentally ill when they knew I was not and I had evidence to the contrary. This is fraud. It's not just defamation of my character, it's fraud.

And then military connected and gang related persons were allowed to torture, physically torture, me and my son.

We have been used by persons in the U.S. and forced to "work" and be a part of the U.S. agenda, without our consent. We have been made guinea pigs and less than human.

If the FBI or CIA is interested, at all, in the reputation of the U.S., they would take up an investigation and contact me to gather my facts and find out if what I say is true. They are required to accept reports and to deliberately obstruct reports (as the FBI has done so far) and then defame me further to put me in a mental ward for their benefit, is wrong.

If they are not enemies of me and my son, they will take my report at once, collect my facts and evidence, and return my son to me without delay and scrap the entire case, which is invalid because it is all supported with fraud. More money went into covering up a lie in this case, than any case in CPS history, and all of it was a lie and fraudulent.

I have a few people saying to me, because I have work, "I'm so proud of you!"

Proud of me for what?! For having a job? As if I have not been capable, all along, of working and was forced out work instead? Rather, she should be "proud" of those who do not go along with others, and blindly follow, but who treat someone with equality. If there is anything to be "proud" of, it's not that I have a job. It's that I have survived all of this and NOT become mentally ill.

I have a lawyer working on a "Appeal" which is worthless.

It is worthless because it presupposes there is a valid case to begin with.

This "case" against me is fraud, period and there is no valid case. They have built a "case" on lies that can all be proven lies. And the foundation of this case, is crime. They committed crime against me and my son to take him and continue to be active criminals by holding him hostage from his legal guardian.

An "Appeal" would basically say a few things were done wrong and that we have to "go back" and I would have to be given more time to complete services. I am not being told an Appeal will decide this whole thing was criminal and fraudulent on its face.

I demand an investigation and upon examination of the facts, I demand the immediate return, without any strings attached, of my son to me.

This is not a civil matter. This is a criminal matter and I expect to see someone investigating crime and rescuing my son from those who break the law with impunity. These are not small laws that were broken either. They are a very big deal, which is why this much money has gone into harming me and others, to intimidate and discredit us.

I was tortured and then I have people bringing over the triumph of torture to even Nashville, and applauding. Thinking, naively, that this is all a game, and not even (some) realizing that beneath the fun and games, is suffering that is beyond description.

My son and I have suffered indescribable things. Things most people will never endure their entire lives, and have lived with forced separation, as hostages of the U.S. because those responsible for investigating encouraged this abuse and arrangement and refused to do the right thing and step in as they were required to do.

I began babysitting at the age of 11, and then became a teacher's assistant, and then a nanny, and read childcare and parenting books, for the sole purpose of becoming The Best Mother that I could be.

This was one of my dreams and more than a career goal. THIS was MY "Pursuit of Happiness" and the U.S. has allowed this to be destroyed. I have lost 3 years with my son, because of our forced separation where I am prevented from even reporting on what he tells me he is going through as all the other adults LIE.

And someone thinks that they can abduct my child and then USE me as a plaything for the military and social commentary.

It is OVER.

I demand the return of my son.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Insecure CIA Site

I tried to copy the CIA re. my complaint about illegal abduction of my son and being defamed in the process, and it appears the site is not secure. FYI.

I am using a computer at the downtown Nashville public library and each time I tried to enter my message into the box for message, it was cleared and my last name was constantly being cleared out as well.

Someone was keeping only my first name with no last name in the entry fields.

I omitted all of the unacceptable characters like "@" or anything that might not go through and it wouldn't take my mail, no matter what I did. It just got cleared out.

Which is sort of like what has happened to me on other various forms, like FAFSAs or anything, when I've tried to use forms online. But I think there is something wrong if it's happening with the CIA site, which doesn't mean the CIA form is not secure, it means someone is constantly tampering with my personal mail.

I wasn't entering new news, so it wasn't top secret or anything, but I was still trying to send an email and it was being blocked and edited.

intentional computer problems & criminals & race stuff

Someone wanted to claim they had right predictions by assaulting me first, to force me to look up the computer person they knew I'd look up if this kind of thing happened.

And this morning, I don't know who they are connected with, but it's mainly black folks. And sitting next to me and walking by me, almost all of them, wearing black and white only as I had to call up Andy Panda for computer support bc of what happened.

I would say it's white people who are doing this, and then just calling on a couple of black people to lwear these colors and sit next to me and take the brunt.

I have had no problems with my computer and the technology stuff, for several days and then yesterday someone started it up again, which they knew would force me to go somewhere else for wifi, and then they wanted to claim they could make predictions when they couldn't. They're just criminals.

They can't make a prediction or get psychic insights past their first two feet, which is why they employ criminals to do dirty work for them to get what they want.

Then this morning, the same thing happened and I was sitting by the window and someone did this to me, and it caused my computer to overcharge and the burning sensation and then they expected me to get off of the seat and leave the table where the black woman, wearing black and white, was sitting.

But instead I moved to the side and just sat there.

Then I had people coming down the stairs watching me for my reaction because the criminals were here, wanting to observe my reactions.

So then I had someone download all of this computer stuff onto my computer and they already knew the only person i would call if I had problems, would be Andy Panda, whose logos are all black and white.

These idiots are so dim, on a psychic level, that they assaulted me and then caused computer problems, to force me to do what they were trying to claim they "predicted" I would do.

When all they are is criminal.

Of course I had to try to call up Panda Computers, because I couldn't navigate on my computer at all. It was blocked. So I tried to call 411 bc I couldn't get his number online and the 411 people gave me numbers for him that said "disconnected or out of service" when Panda Computers is not disconnected or out of service.

Both times I called 411 I got this.

I think it's people doing dirty work for professionals again.

Someone felt threatened by me, by something I've written in the last few days or by some fear of success, so they wanted to do this and make me sound crazy again, or cause problems. What is odd is that a few are international.

And then I had someone trying to make a big deal about my not giving a woman $1 when she asked for it this morning and then wanting me to sound bad.

No, I'm not giving you a dollar so you can "buy a pop". If I gave everyone a dollar so they could "buy a pop" I would be broke. You don't need a pop and you can afford to buy one for yourself and if not, you can drink the juice or milk that's provided at breakfast. Just because you are a black woman and asked for a dollar and I said no, don't you DARE (anyone) try to make me appear like I would buy breakfast for a "white" woman but not a pop for a black woman. The woman I offered to buy breakfast for, at McDonalds, had just been in a major accident and was in severe pain and I told her I would go with her to the hospital this morning and on the way, buy her a small breakfast.

Because, probably, the people who want "a pop" for no reason whatsoever, who have been in the homeless shelter for only a week, can do just fine without whereas those who have been forced to live in a shelter for almost 2 full years, and then have their entire face stitched up and scrapped up, and need pain medications...maybe someone like that could use a small break. She had asked if I wanted to go for coffee with her sometime and then she was injured and I said last night I would take her to coffee if she wanted to, before I went to work. Then, when she said she was in so much pain and was crying last night, I said I could go with her to the hospital to help advocate for her need for something stronger than advil, and try to get something small on the narcotics level. Her stitches are probably tightening up, and she was having new pain on one side, so then I said maybe we could just have breakfast at the McDonalds and I'd pay, on our way (so we could get an earlier start and not have to wait around for the homeless shelter breakfast).

I wasn't going to write about any of this, but then when I have people testing me, and having this black woman sitting down next to the other white woman who had been injured, and trying to test me on something, I wouldn't say anything, except that if someone is trying to make ME appear to be biggoted and then torture me for it, you had better make an attitude adjustment and not try to set me up.

As it turned out, I didn't even take the one woman to the hospital because she said she didn't want to, because it was raining too much, and that is her choice.

I would have responded in the same way, in these circumstances, to anyone, regardless of their race or culture.

I don't appreciate having every single bit of my business, going out to others or made into a big deal. I am not going to explain myself every time either, but as one man said last night, it is okay to defend your own reputation.

I have given to homeless, or others, as I can, permitting my ability and my own circumstances. And I try to use good judgement too. If I had more, I wouldn't mind giving more, even for "a pop" but that is not my situation right now and I have to be careful to get out of the poorhouse so I HAVE more to give to start with, rather than staying there forever and having little to give back. If I can do something small here and there, I try. I don't like having to talk about it at all, but everything I do is going out to others for some reason and I don't know how it's going out and can't control it all the time.

The other day, I nonchalantly joked with someone about work and something I had done, and she laughed and then the next day, I had a professional, well dressed woman come in with another woman who was also well dressed, and repeat what I had said, in the shelter, back to me. And then smirk about it.

So that's when I knew some of what I say is going out to others who might even be paying for reports on what I say or do, or who want to use things to twist later or harass me with. And I realized I need to be more guarded about what I say, even in this shelter where there are, I guess, a few snoops.

I normally don't care to write about any of this and would keep it to myself. But if animosity towards me is being stirred up because of false report, I have to curb this for the best interests of both myself and my son. I cannot allow a few people to trash me and spread rumors around to a lot of people and then put me in danger where some might want to take out their aggressions on me, having the wrong idea about me to start.

This Morning

ILast night there was a chapel and then I read some things later in the Bible that sort of made me think.

Will write about it in a minute.

I was getting ready to go out this morning and a couple of people came in drenched head to foot. For some reason, later remembering what one looked like made me laugh. It just started pouring and the looks on the faces.

I got to the Y and grabbed a verse which was Psalms 23:6, "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Last night the sermon was about thinking of what is good, noble, right, pure, etc. from Phillipians. The guy confused one of the words and said "nun" and I thought, "That sounded almost like an intentional confusion of words to me" and then later that night I asked to read something different I'd not read before in the Bible or thought about for a long time and just GUESS what I got?!

(I thought to myself in chapel...I am NOT a nun!)

I got something about Ephraim and the tribes of Nun. And the part that was interesting was that lots were being cast and portions of land and inheritances given to the sons of the tribes. Then when it came to one group, the man had no sons but four daughters and they decided that the women, the daughters, were entitled to their portion of land just as much as the sons so each daughter received a part of the land, and they were given inheritances. Which might have been a big deal back then.

I'll have to look it up again. But it was something like the son of Joseph's son who had only daughters. I'll have to find the reference.

Then I turned to something in Roman's about faith being accounted for righteousness which was also something touched on at the beginning of the service last night.
It was Joshua Ch. 16 and 17. The first part is about Ephraim and then the mention of nun is Joshua, son of Nun, who was part of those giving out allotments of land. It was the daughters of Mannessah (who have names like hogdah) who got portions of land because there were no brothers.

It also talks about how some of the tribes allowed forced labor of other races or groups, which is also sort of shocking. But I'm sure this section has been useful for women's right to inheritance and voting rights, and to the sovereignty of royalty where the women were permitted to be rulers in absence of sons, and maybe of arguments even for women priests or something, or women in any field. Probably was a very strong argument for suffragists.

(hmm, and I guess there was 1 Howard female ancestor of mine that lost her inheritance to a wiley cousin who lied about the property).

The second section I read was of Romans 5.

I had the idea to play Liberace's Boogie Woogie:

I played "Great Is Thy I am going to have to cut this short because someone is around who is causing my laptop to supercharge or run and the burning sensation too nad it's technology. It's not from anything else. Someone has decided to torture me again and it's not spiritual, and I wish someone in the Pentagon, if they are serious about making amends, would get involved.

I'm not going to stay in a country where this continues to happen to me and my son. I'm getting a different laptop too. As soon as possible, to see if this improves things. Someone has used this laptop to tap into something and I'm not going to allow it.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

This Morning

I've had the song "Healing is in your Hands" yesterday and today so I decided to play it this morning and I decided to play someone else doing a cover. I really like her name: Isis Danae. What a beautiful name. If I can find a way to cut and paste for my blog again, I will do it. It's not what I expected either. I saw the byline and my eyesight must be shot...I thought it was going to be an African American woman but I didn't know. Anyway, it was this. She's from the Church in the Son, in Orlando, FL. I can't cut and paste right now.

This morning has had a Vladdie Laddie theme, sort of. I didn't know what I was going to wear ahead of time today but I dumped everything out and then folded things. It was driving me nuts having everything just stuffed into a little locker. So I took it all out and folded things and had to dress for the weather so I ended up with a wool fisherman's sweater (cream), and then my red fleece and it fell against these beige and red sneakers I had and looked decent so I thought, okay, that's what I'll wear and then I had my teal shirt out so I ended up with teal, red, and beige and cream. Teal under the cream sweater and then my fleece and blue jeans and sneakers.

I stood at the bus stop next to this woman who had a Ukraine teal/turquoise colored bag which I didn't notice until I found out some things. I stood next to her in red and right after I said, "This weather is on and off...It's soo warm one day and then a cold snap. It's like the Russian sauna treatment" and then right after this I asked where she was from, after we'd made small talk forever. She said Bahamas and from a Baptist seminary and her parents were ministers and then her dad was also a computer programmer. She didn't just tell me this stuff, it came out because I was asking her questions.

Then I got to the Y and took a more sobering verse from the basket, about Jesus being told to "prophesy" and being hit. Mark 14:61-65, "But he held his peace, and answered nothing. Again the high priest asked him, and said unto him, Are thou the Christ, the Son of the Blessed? And Jesus said, I am: and ye shall see the son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven. Then the high priest rent his clothes, and saith, What need we any further witnesses? Ye have heard the blasphemy: what think ye? And they all condemned him to be guilty of death. And some began to spit on him, and to cover his face, and to buffet him, and say unto him, Prophesy: and then the servants did strike him with the palms of their hands."

I guess it made me think about abuse for various reasons and torture around the world and what Jesus went through. Abuse, whether someone thinks it's for the good of someone else or others, or in mocking someone, or punishing, or even in forcing children or others to do things they would not be compelled to do, by free will.

I then went to a post by "hpark004" for the song as originally recorded. Then I looked up "Isis" on wiki. And then "Danae" (the Greek myth) on wiki.

I was sort of wondering...I wonder if anyone is ever struck and forced to prophesy by others, someone who has a gift, and it is being almost coerced and a little more than coached from them. There might be situations where someone is captured or mocked but I wonder if there are also situations where someone is psychic or prophetic, child, teen or adult, and they are almost abused to be "of use".

This might be the most difficult kind of abuse to prove because most people wouldn't believe, from the start, that the person has a gift, or that it is being used without their full consent, or that it is of much importance.

For myself, I've had more than the norm of experiences, probably, than the general norm, but some people are so highly gifted...much much more than I am and it's usually a major secret or the extent of the gift is a secret. There are some who don't keep it secret and even who profit from it, but those who are used sometimes by a community or govt. or groups, I don't think they are blogging about it, in general. And I know there are people who can even predict things almost exactly and that's definitely not me. My experiences are sort of sporadic and I don't work at it at all. I've thought about if I should work at it but I don't totally know the point if I'm not paid or working in that capacity.

But outside of myself, I just wondered about these things.

In general, I thought about torture, and those imprisoned, with or without chains.

I looked up "Rabboni", a sculpture in Washington D.C. of Mary Magdalene calling out to Jesus when he had risen from the dead. It is by Gortzun Borglum and in the Rock Creek Cemetary. It's found by typing in "Rabboni" for a wiki search.

I got the idea, in my spirit, while listening to the original recording of "Healing Is In Your Hands" by christy knockels by hpark004, on youtube, I just "felt", "Rabboni!" and thought Mary Magdalene at that scene where she is crying and finds Christ there so I wanted to look up paintings of Mary M with the association "Rabboni" and I first found this sculpture.

I just now landed on Buckingham Palace. I typed in a search for "paintings of Mary Magdalene, rabboni" and got a collection of titles and clicked on one that said Mary M and the Risen Christ by Rembrandt. It's from the Royal Collection at Buckingham P. "The Risen Christ Appearing to Mary Magdalen" (1638).

I found it on the site "Web Gallery of Art" and there is a section of "Girl With The Pearl Earring" by Vermeer (I think) to the left of it. Which is odd because I was thinking of Vermeer this morning while waiting for the bus, as a Vermeer construction truck went by, I thought about the painter.

I saw the painting with Jesus in the hat and thought, "Hey! That's my hat!" (my straw hat, but kidding).

I just had an impression of something but I think it was projected to me or is just imagination from listening to this song. A peach fabric or scarf and after I saw it, this woman walked by in peach so I know it has to be projected. It was like a scarf again and heavy. This one was glittering and it was more of a deep warm peach or almost salmon color and had small little jewels or sequins or something throughout the whole thing. It weighed a lot, it's heavy in the hands, but I don't know what it has in the material, whether it's tiny jewels or sequins and it was folded or rolled up and then let out to fall down.

I like looking at art while listening to music, or choosing one form of art to go with the other. That's how I like to paint, being inspired by hearing the music to unleash emotions that help me paint with my feelings, even if I don't know technique. I think a few times I stopped the music to have silence bc the music could overtake my emotions and then I sometimes overdid it, just sweeping through, "feeling" maybe too much.

When I look at these paintings with music, with the sculpture I see then Mary reaching out her hand and think how Christ had the marks in the palms of his hands, of healing. The inscription to the back of this sculpture I like as well (it's on the wiki page). In the next painting, I like some of the whimsical aspects of the painting. The way the angel is sitting. Sort of a different take. I could write more, but just looking right now.

The link to the painting I was talking about does not mention Buckingham Palace but it's at the bottom of a list. It only says Web Gallery of Art next to it and then after you click on the link it says it's in the collection of Buckingham.

I am looking now and I guess the site is linked to the web gallery of art but the site I first found the link on is at "" and is, after looking, I guess a Catholics-for-women-priests site. This is where it's found.
I was thinking about going to this open house for kids at the Waldorf school today, since I have the day off, to see if there was room, but it was last minute and I thought I might need to plan better...

I just decided to go to the list and randomly scroll down and land on the next one I should open but I just got the one by Rembrandt again. I started up this song again so I'll maybe think about it. I'm not sure what the bars of color are, when I click to enlarge there are little squares of color along the top and then I thought maybe this is categorizing what colors of paint or room this goes in, I don't know.

I tried to find it enlarged. I can't really see a good photo and my laptop is so small. Might have to look at it on a larger screen later. There is a lot of detail I can't see, like something stuck in the ground by the feet of Jesus and other things.

This last time I peered at it I thought about Christ like that, in gardener's garb and he's saying, Saturday Night Live style: "It's Me Betty, Betty, it's me!" which comes to mind as a conjuncture of someone turning to wonder what is going on and Queen Elizabeth ("betty") peering at the painting.

I had that new ship come to mind. I was wondering what she's doing or thinking and first I saw a necklace with large round beads but I don't think it was her, probably but just coincided with my thought. Then I thought about how she was shaking a little at her coronation and if this was nervousness or the holy spirit, bc the presence of the holy spirit can do this. and then there has been some technology stuff today but a few minutes ago it changed to something else and felt like someone praying.

I might be able to finally look up Obama's speech today too. I've tried to watch it more than a dozen times. And I will have to think about what my family is up to.

They were in a small town in Mexico with friends and had a good time. They went with friends that used to be neighbors and became friends. My mom wrote to tell me she had helped J. clean out stalls because they took their horses with them to their vacation house in New Mexico. Then after they visited friends in Phoenix and New Mexico, including relatives, they went to Mexico, Mexico. Algones or something like that. On the same night my mom was cleaning out stalls, I walked home at night from work and smelled horse manure downtown. But it wasn't "psychic" although I didn't know they even had their horses with them there. I just walked down the sidewalk and smelled horse manure and then the next morning I had an email from my mom about how they had been with the horses.

Anyway, they had fun in Mexico and are headed back.

I was thinking the other thing that would be cool with this song "healing in your hands" would be of life saving surgeries. I don't want to watch surgeries, personally, but it was be a cool video for some.

Then I went to "Benny Hinn" on wiki. I have heard of him but don't know anything about him. I didn't know, for example, that he was born in Israel but raised Eastern Orthodox and then became charismatic or pentacostal christian. As for healings or not, I wouldn't judge one way or the other. There may have been true healings and then other times not. God , or even healings in general, don't get cranked out like clockwork for every person. It's not like if someone has been healed by being prayed over by a person, that this person is, themselves, a cure. So it doesn't usually just happen whenever someone wants it to happen, on command. Sometimes it's just for a season too, that someone has a gift of healing, like Saul when he was given this sort of temporary gift of prophesy.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Good Energy

Last night I wrestled and argued with myself over fasting on something or not. I was so tired and thought this was perfect then, for a fast, bc the point is to give up something that actually means something to you...but I was just resigned to doing it and then the verse that came to my mind was "Sacrifice I have not required, but the true sacrifices and offerings to God are a meek and contrite spirit." (something like that and it means spirit, not that you have to have a "meek" personality)

I am sort of a believer in moderation of all things so sometimes I feel it's right for me to fast something and other times, maybe to just believe and trust in God and make it about the condition of the interior and my attitude.

But since I had this verse come to mind I said, "Okay,I'm not fasting this and I'm just going to bed."

So I went to bed and then in the morning I decided to stay for breakfast to pass time and while standing there, I saw the new paint was up. They had just finished the last coat yesterday. It's teal, and I was wearing black and carrying my red fleece and the color combination made me think of my son, bc the pendant I had for him was teal and red. I am not sure if I was tapping into other good energy by deciding to go there today or if it was just thoughts about my son that made me feel good, but something seemed sort of special.

I decided to put on "Trouble Me" by Natalie

Then I sat down at the table and I had to ask someone what time it was because a wedding refrain came to my mind.

I wasn't thinking about weddings, so I wondered why I had this traditional wedding song come to my mind. So the woman told me it was 5 minutes to 7. It's a classical piece and I have to figure out which one it is. I think it might be Paccabel's cannon but not sure. I just played the first part and I think it's the other one that's commonly played.

It is Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring, by Bach. This is the one that came to my mind.

I found it by clicking on samples at "". That's the one that came to mind.

Anywent to the Y and the verse was from proverbs about forsaking what is right will incur wrath but confession and change brings mercy.

I played a traditional one and then the Celtic Woman's version that's on youtube. It's really pretty with vocals. I can't cut and paste right now so I'll just refer to it.

I didn't know what the lyrics were but probably someone projected the idea bc I got to the Y and this woman came down the stairs from working out with the words "Soar" on her t-shirt and there is some reference to soar in the song. Okay, sort of a stretch there, but still. I found the lyrics to Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring at "".

I put on Trouble Me next, by Natalie Merchant.

I was thinking too, about the impression I had of the boy, and it was that guy in the church. It just was. As soon as I saw him I knew and it clicked. I thought he was younger when I got the impression, but everything about him was the same. It wasn't anyone else. It was his face, and his hair.

He had been sitting in the room right behind me and why I "saw" him, I have no idea. But it was him. He was even lifting up his head or angling it down when I saw him, like I had seen in my impression. It wasn't like I had some vague picture and anyone could fit the bill. I saw him and his features and his hair and then I really saw him, right around the corner and doing the same thing with his arms and head.

So this is a very odd "gift" and I don't know what the point of it is. I don't know why I saw him, I had no message with it,, and I got no further directions or insight. All I know is I did ask, "God show me who this is" and it was the kid right in the next room. Why the heck I saw him at all, I have NO clue.

I almost went to Rite Aid today to get something for work but I'll do it later I decided. (why I chose to write this boring fact I have no idea).

I guess I'm not sure if I had a premonition, of seeing something or someone before it happened, or if I was remote viewing and saw it happening in the moment. It felt more like unintentional remote viewing.
I read the news about the former president of Russia's opinions, the BBC article about the Americans and then the CNN article about Fergie.

Something seems very strange about the killing of the Americans. Since these pirates are tied in with various mafias, I think it has something to do with this more than just wanting to kill. My opinion, not psychic and maybe wrong, is that it was to make a statement and just folly killing with someone larger behind the decision-making. That, or the U.S. tried to rescue and doesn't want to admit a bungle. Or, someone with the U.S. (it's not unheard of) bungled on purpose without knowledge of others.

As for Fergie, it's the first and only article about the wedding that I've read.

It stands out because it really does make a statement. My first thought at why she wasn't going, before reading the article, was that she wasn't supportive of the marriage. And then this caused friction with the rest of the family or she just felt it wasn't right for her to go, in conscience, because of some kind of personal reservation or internal knowledge that no one else will probably ever know about. My final thought was that having someone not go, puts that person in a good position to have others go to her with confidences they might not otherwise share, making her a good person for gathering information for the family, seeming to be non-supportive. That's more of a stretch.

I have dropped my Diana research for almost a year and never got that far into it. When I read a little bit, I know I felt upset by some of her betrayals to Diana, however, I think it is more her personality type and not a mean spirit. I don't think William would hold a grudge to the point of not inviting her, over that. I think, rather, there is some kind of unspoken or spoken disagreement with the wedding or arrangement that is in place.

Fergie is sometimes embarrassing and has done some shocking things, but she's not completely indiscreet and she keeps a lot more under wraps than anyone would ever know. I know this because I saw how careful she was, in a clip I once watched, about answering reporters. Her language and wording and everything, was honest to a certain point but then very guarded and yet she did it with nonchalance. Fergie is a goldmine of secrets.

When I first read the article and then thought, for a split second, I saw wringing of hands. Sort of a hand over other hand and like a hand lotion motion but more of an anxious wringing. But I don't know who it was. Her, or someone else.

I know Fergie was into psychics but I don't know if she herself is an intuitive person or not. I haven't heard much about it. I know Diana was, and read about it, and I would assume they had shared interest (as, I guess some of the other royals do as well) but I don't know if she is able to tap into things on her own.

I think I was surprised to find, or think, that Harry must be as intuitive as William but it's never talked about. Either he is, or his buddies are, or both.

One might remember that it was Fergie and Diana who wanted "out". And Diana is "out" and Fergie is as well, even out of a wedding where the next person is deemed to not pose a threat of any kind. What Diana would think about anything these days, is anyone's guess. She would probably know who is pulling strings and who wants to exert control or influence. She wasn't perfect but she wasn't nuts either.

Monday, February 21, 2011

sketches of impressions

I guess I'll sort of sketch roughly what I saw in my dream and with this boy at church. The Y verse I got today was about taking care to remember that life or death is in our words, so to be cautious with what we say, and I was just thinking this the other day. My personality is not really to conceal or hide stuff...I sort of just say what's on my mind (obviously) but it's true I should try to think more about things and I had just been thinking about this, how even those who are not kind to me, will find it more difficult to believe there is a holy spirit for them, and better for them, if I am not kind in return. But I'm not perfect and I think standing up for oneself is also essential at times. I don't always do even this.

Also, I found out this particular Friends branch has a sister part in Moscow, Russia. ?! I had no idea and I discovered this yesterday and they told me they had this partnership for over 40 years, before the communism went down and the Friends (an organization by Friends) helped feed over 200 million people, at one time, during WWII, over in Europe. I never think of Quakers/Friends/pacifists, being in Russia, but they have their own school there and everything. They were somehow connected when the Red Curtain was still up or whatever and it's been in existence all this time.

I asked because I saw all these papers and flyers and organizations and then the only one that mentioned another country mentioned Moscow in particular so I wondered what this was about exactly. After I found out, it made me think of the Russian "Moon and Stars" song where one star is saying "hello" to the other star. I thought this was so enchanting--that part in particular and I liked the video with it.

There's not much to sketch though. I mean, the thing is, the teen boy that I saw, was the same face and hair that I had seen while sitting in the service. I mean, I was sitting there and had my eyes closed and this face came to mind and then I thought, movement of him resting on his arm folded with his head down on it, and then sitting up, and I wondered to God why I saw this stranger and asked who it was and why I saw it. So then I said show me if this is important or who this is and then dropped it bc I got nothing. So after the whole service, I walked out the main doors and looked to the left where there was a room, and right there, directly across from me, was the very same face and hair cut. The only thing was that I thought the boy looked the same but that he was younger. But same face, hair style, everything. It was close enough where I thought, "Oh my gosh. That's the same guy!" And then, he even started to put his head to the side where his arm was, resting on a table or side table (I think it was).

I think this is the first time anything like this has happened, where I "saw" someone in the mind's eye, and it was a stranger to me that I had not seen earlier in the day, and i wondered who it was and then all of a sudden, I saw who it was.

So I then was washing dishes and just asked, tentatively or lightly, "There was a blond boy or teen in the sitting room next to the doors and I was wondering if that is the son of someone here?" and he said yes and said her name and then I said, "It's so weird, because I have seen someone who looks just like him but I thought maybe younger" and he said, "She has a younger son too". I said, "But with the same hair style and everything?" because it was pretty much that guy.

If he was sitting in the room right behind me, why did I "see" him in the mind's eye? Was someone else looking at him and I sort of saw through their eyes? or was it "remote viewing" without trying to have it? or was this boy trying to project this?

What I don't understand, is why and how.

There were two boys in the room. One was shorter and younger and maybe had lt brown hair and he sat to the left part of the wall of the sitting room as one came out of the main meeting room. The one that I saw was straight across from me, sitting up against the wall. I had not seen him at all that day, earlier. I don't recall ever seeing him but probably I did at one point, at the last time I was there, briefly, but that had been weeks ago.

These sketches are awful. Really horrible. The first I drew just the hair style and angled the head in the other direction but then he moved his head to rest it on his folded arm. I think it really was him, the one in the room because I saw him and it was a perfect match except that I'd estimated his age to be younger but in person he was too tall or looked too tall to be the younger age. If it was his brother, he'd need to have the same face and exact same hair style bc the hair was exact as was the face. Then the next one I drew was an estimation of the desk. It was a desk, not a chest of drawers. It was semi tall and a writing desk and it had a back that was curved and my point of drawing it is just to show the back of it, HOW it curved (in general). In my dream, I saw all the detail but I don't remember it now. It wasn't reddish wood, it was either stained dark wood or naturally a darker kind of wood--like dark brown or almost black, but of course not black. More deep dark brown.
I loaded the photo. It shows zero talent but I am just trying to show the idea. The hair looks dark in the way it's drawn, but it was light-med. blond and flattened against the head and then just barely flipped up or waved just slightly at the ends. It was the guys hair who was sitting in the room.
The desk was not a loveseat or dresser or anything. It was a desk, I think and almost sure, but it had a back to it and it had two arches and then there was a fine kind of detail on it and on the rest of the desk.
After I saw the desk, I then saw this other thing where it looked like a piece of sculpture out of iron or something and then there was a kind of rock or mallet or other iron piece and in my dream I thought it was for pounding the other part. And then there were other things in the room, but this is what I remember.
In the other room where the women were assembled, we sat around a low table or coffee table of some kind and had set our refreshments out while we talked. I saw exactly what the jar of olives said on the label and I read it in my dream but couldn't remember it when I woke up. It was maybe angular like a wide angled jar and short, like a hexogon jam jar but it had large green olives with pimento and an English or French label on it. In my dream, I thought English, that they were made in England. And actually, I remember this bc in my dream they weren't mine and I hadn't bought them. Someone had given them to me to bring and I had looked at the jar to see what they were and then I presented them and it was like, "the right thing" to have brought, for some reason. What was weird was that I didn't see who gave them to me and the jar was already opened and a few had already been taken from the jar. I looked at it in my dream and didn't know that this would be okay to bring, already opened, but I set the jar down, as it was and it was somehow a good sign to them.

My Egyptian Daycare (when I was a child)

First thing in the morning yesterday, after pondering about my dream at some English royal location, I read the NYT and Tennessee paper and, specifically, the front page article about Bahrain. They looked so happy.

I thought then about how my only "daycare" experience, as a child, was at the home of Egyptians.

Which I had never thought was a big deal before, but now that I think about it, there were really not a lot of Egyptians in the small town where I lived, in Washington state. It was pretty uncommon over there.

And then I was thinking, "That is really interesting. Out of all the places that my parents could have sent me to for a daycare, they sent me to an Egyptian one."

I didn't like it, and begged to have my mother stay at home again so I could go to my own house, but it wasn't because it was bad...every child just wants to be at their own house where their own toys are and everything.

But while my mother worked at a bank PT (where there was later an armed robbery with the guy holding a gun up to my mom or motioning like he had one), I went to the house of an Egyptian family where I was under their care until my parents picked me up.

I remember the mother wore long modest dresses or skirts and I can't really remember if she wore a headscarf or not. I think maybe she did. It was me, and her children, and then maybe one other child. Very small and just more of a home-thing.

I watched a lot of "I Dream of Jeannie" and "Bewitched" on the T.V. and played a little. It was Nickelodeon, or kids-family t.v. station and I probably watched the Jetsons. I mainly remember "I Dream of Jeannie". Sort of interesting, now that I think about it, to have been watching "I Dream of Jeannie" with a real Alladin-middle-eastern-genie-in-a-lamp-bottle kind of themse, while being babysat in an Egyptian household.

I don't remember why they were in the U.S., but they were fully from Egypt, with their traditions, and they spoke Egyptian and their son sat next to me in my classes. Sharif.

But yeah, my only daycare experience in my whole life was with a family that had lived in Egypt.

Think of that!

I guess I never really asked my parents, "Hey, out of all the houses in the whole town, and all the daycares, and all the people, how did you decide on that one?"

I don't really know what religion they were at all, I just know they were very traditional Egyptian. Both the mom and dad were Egyptian.
The song that has come to mind the last day or two is "Healing Is In Your Hands" by Christy Nockels: This was the song I felt like singing loudly the other day.

Vanderbilt and Middle Tennessee Ignore Medical Release Request

I sent email to Vanderbilt hospital and to the mental health place I was sent to, requesting information for obtaining my medical records and they have both ignored my request.

It's been a week.

I feel this is more than enough to time to make a courteous reply to a request for medical release.

These are business contacts, who have their email addresses through the medical business, so they can take care of business, which they are obviously not doing. Instead, they're clicking on ads for coupons and reading their personal mail at work.

My Energy and Other

I only take a little food at work, and then my vitamins sometimes but I think, to rule out some things that are still going on, I'm not taking any of it and then starting over with new stuff kept somewhere else.

My energy level is constant. For me, it's not abnormal or unusual to run 7-11 miles a day and in the past, I ran more miles than that every day. In the past, for most of my life, I have run 5-6 days a week, and about 6-12 miles each day. In high school, I would run my 5 miles for cross country practice and then I would go out on my own and run another 5 miles in the evening near my house. I was asked not to run at night bc my parents worried, but I liked running at about dusk when it was sort of cool but not cold. I usually ran, for 3 years of high school, close to 10 miles a day.

My energy level, even if I was working, was the same and constant.

It was never excessive.

And I did this while doing other things too, work/school/other athletics.

I feel lately that there is still some bad effect from the medication I got or I was dosed without my knowledge and consent again.

Because I was taking 4 classes a day (early in the a.m.) and running, before I was thrown in "that place" and then when I got out, I wasn't myself at all. And then my energy started to come back a little, and I was back to normal, running 7-11 miles a day and working too.

But someone frickin' dosed me. Because all of a sudden, I noticed lethargy and other weird symptoms, so I know something is not right and I know it's not ME sans meds.

If it's not one thing, it's another.

Why would someone constantly interfere with my working out at the Y either? I started having a major problem with the treadmill every single time I got on it, and they were problems that no one else was having with their machine.

It was like I had people bending over backwards to prevent me from working out.

The only time in my life that I hve not worked out was in D.C. When I was in Washington D.C. I didn't work out because I had medical problems and I also didn't work out or run or anything when I was injured in childbirth. The rest of my life, I have been highly active in every regard.

I really resent what has been done to me that has tampered with this natural ability.

I also sent a request for my medical records to the place Vanderbilt sent me to, and also to Vanderbilt, and neither of them has responded to my request.

I think the swelling on my head, the bump, has gone down. It's still there, but has gone down. Really weird but maybe it will go away.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

My Dream & Today

I got turned around today and possibly drugged or medicated or something kicked in which I just hope to avoid by being even more careful with what I eat. If it's not that, I can narrow it down more.

But aside from this, last night I had another Queen dream. Great. It was that I ended up being in some residence. Not that I was Queen, and I didn't even see her, but she was "there" somewhere.

It was with a bunch of women and I was part of some kind of non-profit group. I suggested the Palace have something or other or that an event be held there to support a cause or to make use of the space for touring something. I have no clue what.

I think it was a projected dream and not something from my subconscious. Because I've had other dreams like this which seem more like planted dreams in some weird way.

So I was leading a woman's group, and then we all had food to bring and I brought olives. They were large green olives with maybe pimento inside. What was odd was that they came in a glass jar with a brand name that sounded English or exotic--it wasn't any American brand I've ever seen. And they were in a jar that wasn't tall and oval exactly but more the shape of a jam jar.

When people saw the jar of olives, the women, a few nodded like "Oh yes she is it" or "with it" because, for some reason, I had brought this jar of olives for the appetizers and things.

Then I held this meeting and there was this feeling that William and maybe Kate were peeking at me from behind blinds or something. I knew William but wasn't sure of the other and had feeling "she" (Q) was there, but didn't know where. We had just been given use of a parlor room of some kind, to have our brainstorming session.

Then, I got up and walked to the next room and it was some kind of recreation room but it almost seemed like a museum-recreation room. I saw this desk first. It was dark wood, and a kind of bureau, but a desk and it had like a love seat curving on the top part ...hard to describe but I could draw it. Then next to it was some kind of iron, huge iron and a fixture and it was for hitting iron with iron. It was almost a museum or "interest" piece. There were all of these things like that..."interest pieces" in this one room.

Then I left and I went outside and walked to this tree. It was huge and had sort of gnarled wood and it was a very old old tree and I put my hands on the bark and felt the trunk and the rest of the tree.

Then I was trying to leave and I was going to just jump over this wall when I came to it, or jump off and I did but then others followed me and the roof of something began to fall and they fell and then I was worried we'd be in trouble for vandalism or something.

There was just a little bit more but I don't remember it all.

The women's group was small--10-15 women tops.

I think we were trying to figure out how to make use of, or show off some part of the property.
I had a great time talking with my parents today and accidentally (or by strange fortune) ended up at the Friends church (Quaker) after going to the episcopal service. The episcopal one I went to, to sing and it was on the way and the sermon was good. It was also mentioning Wales that day (today).

Then I went to the Quaker one which I like and the only thing that was weird was that I had an impression of this face of a boy and his hair and how he was posturing and then I walked out of the service and saw the same kind of face in a reading room. I hadn't seen him earlier. The only thing that was different was that he seemed older than my impression gave me. We were "centering" for prayer, and I suddenly saw this blond boy with hair sort of to the chin but flattened against the face and then just barely flipping up and he was leaning against one arm.

I said, "Who is this? let me see him more clearly" and wondered who I was seeing bc he was a stranger to me. Then at the end of the service, I walked out, and the same face was looking back at me when I turned my head to see who was in the first room out of the door.

I thought this was really bizarre. The face was the same. The hair the same. The only thing different was that I thought he was younger when I saw him. But it looked just like him.

Is that WEIRD or WHAT.

I am just hoping to do a good job at work anyway, and be focused and have my son with me ASAP. If it's possible to have him enrolled in kindergarten over here, at a good school, if this is what works out, that's what I want.

I'll write more later.

I finished up with the Friends, and then I was at the Y, and pulled out a scripture, and it was "Where two or more are gathered, there I am in the midst of them." from Matthew.

Have a good night.

I hope my son will be blessed and happy and have a good day tomorrow.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

This Morning

I had a very good day--energy wise, yesterday. Which is why I flipped out at the end when someone started pulling the burning technology and computer stuff again. I accidentally broke my fast of swearing, over the phone, after over a couple of weeks of not swearing out loud once and only thinking it a couple of times. But I'm just back to fasting it. Then chapel ood but it was hard at first, after what had just happened. I really liked a song we sang and sang it as loud as I felt like singing it.

The first song I played this morning was "Not Afraid" by Eminem and the verse I got from the Y was Rev. 3:20, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to him, and sup with him, and he with me."

I saw a rainbow of Semi's and cars today, which is an aside. I got to the Y early and stood outside waiting. I thought about going to a store to get something to eat but I waited instead and looked out over at this freeway and all these semis and cars were passing by in every color of the rainbow. A large red and green semi passed eachother at the same time, and there was a cobalt blue one, and yellow, and red, and black, and green, and orange, and every color of car. In just a few minutes space, all of that color so I noticed it. One combination was of a blue, and yellow and then red semi, all together. Then there was a grey and mustard color one too. A lot of colors.

Right after standing at this large stone by the Y that says "Is Jesus the chief Cornerstone?" and I noticed it had been broken off and there must be a different part of it. Then I went around the corner to the other side and that's when I saw all the cars and semis and in all the colors.

I noticed the semis and cars too, after walking on a different side of the sidewalk than I usually walk on and seeing a bunch of bottles all in a row in rainbow colors.

Last night I was so upset and then got to chapel and opened up randomly to where Jesus was going to be crucified and all about the part where he was being called "King of the Jews".

(played the song "Not Afraid" by Eminem and then "Still" by Hillsong:

I was asking why would people do these things to me and I opened up to the part where it says "Crucify him, crucify him" and then Pilate says, "You want me to kill your king?" And the Pharisees freaked out and said, "He is NOT 'King of the Jews'" and I realized while reading this, the context...That Pilate was acting like a ruler over another group of people. He was a Roman. And the Jews had their kingdom under his rule but Pilate still recognized their autonomy to some degree and allowed them to keep their own ways and practices. So, I realized, the fame and respect of Jesus must have been so great, that, in fact, it had become a kind of "common knowledge" that Jesus Christ was being called, widely and throughout Israelites, "King". He was a leader of such renown, in his low stature way, that he was being called King and even other countries, and Rome, referred to him as Jesus, King of the Jews. He wasn't just a healer and a prophet or an activist. People knew who he was everywhere, and he was referred to, by the common Jewish people, as their King, like a King of any country would be referred to. They worshipped him like a king but also as the son of God.

So my eyes were opened in a new way, while reading this passage, to see that Pilate wasn't mocking Jesus when he said, "King of the Jews." At that moment, he was seriously thinking Jesus WAS the King "of the Jews" just like David or Saul or any of the other former kings. And the religious leaders, or Pharisees, FREAKED OUT. They knew Pilate's "mistake" was innocent, but they hated the connotation it gave Christ. This is where the whole passage sounds like a bunch of lawyers or journalists all grouped together...

"Take that part out!" Take out the part about Jesus being King of the Jews. "He's NOT!" He is NOT KING OF THE JEWS and we don't want there to be ANY misunderstanding about THAT. They wanted an ammendment or a retraction.

Pilate put up a sign that said "King of the Jews" anyway, or a notice to all the people, a legal notice, that declared Jesus Christ, King of the Jews, was going to be put to death. Pilate worded it this way because he knew that this was how the Jews themselves, the common people, referred to Jesus and it was the way to distinguish this "Jesus" from the other "Hay-SUEses".

So the sign and notice went up. What Pilate did, may have been innocent or naive in some ways, but he still had blood on his hands, though he wrestled with what he was doing. Then, when the Roman soldiers came over, it was the soldiers who mocked Jesus, and took this reference, "King of the Jews" to mock and belittle him, while still knowing he was important enough that they wanted to take and KEEP his clothing. After dividing up the clothes of Jesus into 4 parts, so each of them had a share, they were left with an undergarment that belonged to Jesus, a long piece that was seamless. They said, "Let's cast a lot to see who gets this".

The Pharisees, while denouncing Jesus as being a King of the Jews, said to Pilate, "He is NOT our KING! Caesar is!" so they tried to say they had no "king" and that their only king was the Roman one.

The soldiers wouldn't have taken the clothes of Jesus, or wanted them at all, if they had not thought he was important. They wanted souveneers.

Then, some people didn't want dead people hanging up in public view on the Sabbath (not on church day, sniff, thank you), so they wanted to finish the job and make sure they were out of sight by Sunday. Which helped me to think about the location of Christ's crucifixion--that it was in a prominent place where maybe it was at a distance to some, but many could see the crosses on the hill and knew that people were on those crosses, dying a slow death. It wasn't like they were out of sight and mind. They were where people could see this happening.

So the soldiers were instructed to go over and break the legs which was to hasten the death and then take the guys off the cross. The other guys hadn't died yet so they broke their legs to cause them to die faster. But when they got to Jesus, he was already dead. So they didn't break his legs, but one soldier got curious and poking and prodding, or wanting to make sure, put a spear into his heart and from this gushed out water and blood at the same time.

It says there were witnesses and that this was in fulfillment of the Old Testament, which said the Messiah or chosen one would not have one bone broken but would be pierced.

Then I read about how it was just Mary his mother, and Mary, the sister of his mother (his aunt), and the "disciple he loved" (I think) standing there. Mary Magdalene later was the one to stand by his tomb and look inside and see angels. She didn't know they were angels because they weren't glowing and looked like normal people. They just looked like normal people sitting at the tomb and she told them people had taken her Lord away and she didn't know where he was and then she went outside and thought this guy who looked like he was a gardener, was the gardener. She didn't even recognize him but it was Christ.

Maybe the testimony about blood and water coming from the heart was also to prove Christ really died, so his later appearance was noted as a true resurrection from the dead. For purposes of what the testimony is at least.
I don't think it has to do with me except that I can relate to some of it. But mainly, my eyes were opened to seeing more of the context of the fame of Christ and what he was called and why.

Then we had an interesting chapel service, and the songs were about the same sort of thing (christ for us). And then I read, while trying to keep up with the scripture references, this part about Saul which I hadn't read in a long time. I liked the message because it was about how we need to trust in God or we offend him as being an unfit father. Someone who is negligent with his own children.

At the end though, I was looking up this verse from I Sam. (which she had mentioned) and thought it was so interesting because it talked about how Samuel came to know Saul was the anointed one, the one God has chosen. I always think Saul had a sad fate bc he consulted spirits at the end, against God and then fell on his own sword, however, who can say but God that he was still blessed in the end? It sort of cautionary. But Saul was anointed and then it says, Samuel was able to predict every single thing that was going to happen in the next days. He told Saul, "This is going to happen, and then this, and then you will find a man who does this and then you will go here and a woman will say that and then you will know..." and Samuel predicted every single thing, but he wasn't getting his power from a bad source, he was from God. He was a prophet (who, I think at one point was about to be killed bc all the prophets were being killed off and he said, please help me--oh no, that's Elijah). So then all of these things happened just as Saul said, and then after this, Saul himSELF started to prophesy and suddenly had this gift of prophesy. So the prophets were all saying (the other ones), "What's this? this new King is a prophet?" or maybe they just thought of him as a regular man and not a king yet. But Saul began to have this ability when he went to the "camp of gypsies" who were God-gifted prophets. I say "camp of gypsies" not literally, but he went to some hippie circle, it sounds like, or group of highly spiritual musicians because they were all prophets and all sitting around playing music. Then, Saul just joins right in, and starts prophesing and they started asking him how he got this ability and who his real father is. I think, because they can't believe it. Then, after he prophesies, he becomes king, just as it was predicted.

I thought this part was sort of fascinating.

But then I think too, how he did wrong when he consulted mediums to bring up the prophet after he'd died.
This woman who is new and has Vanderbilt connections (I guess) borrowed my computer to look up some mental health stuff she has been researching. She's writing a book and doing medical research for a variety of things--I guess mental health rights and seizures and epilepsy. She says her mom is English but I guess Vanderbilt is a connection or school her father went to and that she's affiliated with.

I tried to think of a few ideas off the top of my head and one thing that came to my mind with seizures was bananas and then I thought, why did I think about bananas? Then I thought, "potassium" and so I typed in a search and found potassium and epilepsy are linked.

I also heard her talking about her rash and Vitamin A came to mind. So I thought she should try betacarotene and dandilion tea. I didn't mention dandilion tea. I also brought up L-cysteine and witch hazel.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Technology problems again

I have not had any technology problems for a few days. Until now, tonight, at almost 6 p.m.

Someone decided to start things up again after my last post. Also, the burning thing with use of technology started again and I was trying to upload 2 more photos of me for my son bc I'm smiling more in them and someone was keeping me from posting them and totally rearranged the structure of the Blogger.

It wasn't taking photos like normal or doing anything that is normal. It was missing tabs even, and this is Blogger that was missing tabs. It would say "click done" and there was no "done" tab. And then when I started to write about how someone started this up again, after allowing a time of peace and not doing this, they all of a sudden had my photos posting on a totally different post that wasn't the one I was using.

I think this is someone with an interest in the English royalty. There is always something horrible happening to me if I write about one of them. or about myself.

The only other thing that seems to trigger this kind of thing, or someone to do this, is when I am contacting the FBI to make a criminal report, which I did tonight.

Someone does this if I bring up 1 of only 2 things: english royalty or a claim of corruption or writing about it, or making any report to the FBI.

And this is when I was being jailed on false arrests too. It was one of the 2 or if I was about to get work and that was it.

Otherwise my day was good.

I sort of thought maybe someone who does this kind of thing was on vacation or out of the area or decided, wisely, to quit what they were doing or someone pulled them away from it. They quit when I brought up Google and Microsoft.

recent photos (me in cobalt)

* These are not very good (disclaimer at the bottom) but it's me, today. The video for the moon and stars song matched what I was wearing. ;) The one below, shows my scarf that I've written about. You can't see the roses on it but note the fringe. That lattice against the fushia...oh was a STEERIIIYYking combination for my entrance into the nuthouse. "Here she comes...Miss Amer..uh, uh, uh, what the blank is she wearing?!" Sat upright in the cop car wearing Willy's colours. How romantic. And then found the homeless newspaper and my Bible were my only reading material in my bag. I should have torn out a photo and put it on the wall.

I haven't worn the fushia combo again since. Not yet.

You can see the effect of the lattice over color on the bottom photo. I hate the bottom photo and I don't like my expression at all but if you look at my shoulder you can see how the color plays through. It really was quite the dramatic look. And then I didn't even know how shocking until after I was out of the nuthouse. I had just noticed the color of the tie and worn my scarf. I didn't notice the whole lattice effect on his tie, until I was out of the nuthouse and that's when I first looked at the photo on the cover, up close, and thought, "OH MY GOSH." I didn't do all of it intentionally.

Like I said, I don't know what I'm doing half the time and then I find out I've done something to raise eyebrows later. But it's not all on purpose or with any kind of preformed idea.

I will probably delete most of these after tonight. I don't want all of them up. But I guess this kind of blue looks okay. Navy blue I've worn and liked, and baby blue, but I got stuck with the cobalt when I was at the closet looking at options and it worked out okay.

Oh darn, it looks like it's about to rain.

The blue dress with the white heels and my hair curled and up, is very striking but I don't know if it's too "young" and short...I mean too tarty. It doesn't look this way, without any jewelry but I usually wear skirts at knee length or longer. The heels are stilletos and white and then the skirt falls just past mid-thigh in a drapy effect.

I thought it was time to update a couple photos anyway. I only regret these photos are very bad and done under flourescent lights. Really bad flourescent lights & I took them quickly in a changing room at the Y while I was grabbing make up and it looks like I'm in a jail cell (maybe I'm trying to break out's coming!)
I usually like red on me or yellow or warm colors, just bc I gravitate to the warm part of the color wheel but the blues are okay too I think. I like all colors in general.
Some guy just put his dog tied up to a pole with a purple bottle next to the dog. I don't think he's very happy about my photos frankly (a detractor). Then he went back while the dog was sniffing at the bottle and picked it up. Sorry, but that's weird. He had some woman pick him up with license plates from Colorado 310 OHY but he's not from Colorado.
Anyway, I just want my son to be safe and for things to work out for us and that's all. I have no other goals than this.
And I don't see the harm in joking around about things although some seem to think it's a major deal.
Now this other man in a blue shirt drove by and shouted out "NO!"

Let me tell you, I don't know if half of the bizarre things people have been doing over here, is happening in Europe, but it is BIZARRE over here. And what is even crazier is that a lot of it is directed to me. But it's mainly those who go out of their way to be noticed.

I have people doing this weird thing with saying "NO" to me, for absolutely no comprehensible reason, and then after maybe 10 peope do this, then the same number will start saying "YES" and nod over at me.

These are adults.

? What is really odd is they teach their kids to do this kind of thing around me too.

And I have never thought there were so many Kate Middleton look-a-likes, but there have been days where, I swear to God, on my honor, at least 30 or more look a likes parade past me.

Then, I don't know what this licking thing or flicking the tongue thing is, but when people start doing it around me, it's not just a handful of's a ton of people all at once and I think they think I know what they are implying. I have NO clue.

I have through, what is this? A Queen Elizabeth reference? because sometimes that's what it seems to be and someone mentioned "lizzie the lizard" one time, and then other times I have thought it's some reference to medication, and then the only other thing I've thought it might be...I don't know. I really have no clue. When people over here sttarted to do it I thought maybe this is something to do with Vladdie Laddie and just copying the idea but I honestly do not know.

I have wondered if somewhere in the world, a bunch of Cameo Garrett look a likes are passing by with odd mannerisms or something. I don't think I've seen anyone that looks like me...maybe a couple but not en force. And if they are out there doing the same thing that is done around me, what are they doing? I mean, how are things playing out in some other part of the world, or is this just centered over here?

I have no clue.

I think someone gave someone the wrong idea, that I might be annoyed by something or it woud get to me, but it doesn' just makes me think peope are sort of acting crazy, or what am I supposed to "get"? I don't walk by anyone to play any kind of role, and I don't make up mannerisms to copy anyone or to get someone to notice for a purpose. I just don't think about doing this, so it makes me wonder what others are doing.

And like these people from Colorado...who the heck are they and why in the world would they make such a point to be in my face, and with this dog and everything, when they are out of the area. This is what I mean by "I don't know them but they seem to think they know me."