Sunday, February 28, 2010

Truth About Medication & CDs

Well, I have to tell the truth because it might be a dangerous lie, and not have the effect I want it to have.

I wasn't given anything and I would never take random medication from a stranger. I just thought if I pretended, maybe someone would back off because they wanted to make it look like it was actually working.

But then I think about it and if someone thinks I'm medicated they might use it as an excuse to do worse. This guy I talked to said some people might want to kill me for being different, so I started to worry about that, and think I had better be honest right now.

I thought I could do my own investigative stuff, but maybe some others really are doing that already and are trying to help.

He didn't think I was nutty, and no one usually does. Other things I've written are usually true, but this is one I felt I might need to clarify and just quit.

He said "Good work" after the pep talk, and I can agree it was good advice but I just hope, I don't know. I hope things will really work out for me and my son. He said to change my internal monologue and things I wanted would happen. I don't know about that--we don't always get what we want, but I hope.

I did wonder about the satellites lining up because I've seen that in the sky before, one time it wasn't just 3 stars in a row, this was a tight row, but more like 5 or 6 and a little more spread out but still noticeable. That kind of thing makes me wonder if I AM some kind of government guinea pig.

I went from being very hot and feeling a burning sensation in my body to feeling almost abnormally cold within a few minutes. Now I feel it again. I am, I know it sounds weird, but wondering if satellites and the radioactive contrast they gave me for MRI has anything to do with it at all. I know positively, some of it is from the computer but I don't know how.

As for satellites, would this be government or are there privately held satellites? I mean, are all satellites government owned or could a private owner arrange to move satellites together to look like stars in a row? I am wondering because I have no idea why the U.S. would do this.

I know very little about satellite technology.

oh, I wrote about the CDs in the other post.

He said I was going to have new life, or could, and from this point on, turn things around. I feel dubious but here's hoping. One thing was that he said he and his wife were going to get a mobile home and put it on 5 acres in CA and that's something I had written down in a book, for a plan for myself, before I ended up buying a house. I wish him and his family well. Oh! the other thing! there was this old 1950s chevrolet car, a sedan with rounded hubs, and new it had no radio or heater and he said he got it out of a wheat field in Idaho. I think it was a very light blue. The windshield was all shot up so I had to ask and he said some of the marks were from kids throwing rocks but the rest of it really looked like bullets. So I kind of got too imaginative when he put the white paper towels and the white sheet on that car, like, "I hope that doesn't mean anything."

Basically he said to try to forgive others and move forward and good things would happen for me. Said to do daily affirmations and change the internal thing. He was unloading his truck and there were a lot of boxes of paint (couldn't tell, they just had red diamonds on the side of the box) and then onion rings and something else. I just don't know what the satellite thing is supposed to be about.

The Difference Between Outside & Inside The House

Here is one difference.

I have had problems with the computer all day and night. And it affects my health. So at one point tonight, I took the laptop, turned on, and put it in the other room. I went back to the first room and there were zero problems. For about 15 minutes or so and my body felt cooled down and normal.

But then I noticed very slight twitching, very small and then all of a sudden, a very strong heat. The laptop was in the other room. So I went upstairs and there is only a housemate, sitting in a spot directly above the room.

It seems like every Sunday night is when he and his girlfriend had their symbolic meal and bottle of wine and tonight he was having, well, what else? Chili. Of course!

The difference, I noticed, is that when I go outside, I don't have any problems. There is no heating of my body, zero twitching, nothing at all. So WHY is it that it only happens if I'm indoors or next to the laptop? Not only that, my headache even goes away (light tension headache).

There are seriously weird things that go on in this town and some things I haven't even written about yet.

When I went upstairs, he was in a black and white striped shirt and has been wearing black and white lately. I walked past and he had two empty bowls sitting out and I picked them up and cleared them away. I didn't do it for him. He said, "Well thank you" and I said, "I suppose even Jesus would do the same."

I did it as a tribute to Christ only and what kinds of things people made him endure.

I went for a walk and still had the heated feeling. I stopped at a woman's house bc the grocery wasn't open and she gave me 3 advil. A lady with some nice art and a beautiful study on Castlerock. She reminded me of my friend Kelly. Then I ran into this other guy and he gave me a pep talk. He and his wife are moving back to CA. I guess I felt a little nervous bc he took white stuff and a sheet out of his truck and I hoped it wasn't another game thing and meant something bad. I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone. He gave me 3 CDs by some guy named Abraham Hicks. He said he and his wife Karen and their daughter Amira are moving back to CA in 2 weeks.

One CD is from 12/06 Asheville, NC; another from 1/07 Buffalo, NY; and another from 9/08 Fort Lauderdale, FL. Then I was walking back and noticed 3 satellites in a perfect line in the sky. Seriously, and they're not stars to be lined up like that. I agreed with all he said but I also felt like I didn't know what to think later.

So I think maybe this guy Chris, maybe it had nothing to do with him and maybe this has nothing to do with the house. Computer? definitely. I just don't know what's going on but then it completely cooled down, my body did, and my headache also went away.

I felt fine but as soon as I'm on the laptop, I notice that sort of burning feeling again.

Harassment Lately

Some of the harassment I've had has been really surprising. I was calling to find a children's book publisher and got this place in Seattle and the guy told me they take books about "Sasquatches". I thought this was kind of strange, and wondered if it was intentional, because my Dad had read books about this to me and my brother when we were little. So I didn't much more until he told me to pinch my thumb into the middle of my third fingernail. This is just like the photos I loaded, showing some of the color variation in my nails and trying to show the ridge. So he tells me to press down really hard, just like that, and I won't have a headache anymore because the middle of that fingernail is a pressure point.

It was just harassing really. It wasn't true and he was messing with me and I thought it was really sad.

Then, I go to a place in town to pick something up, and it's a christian charity organization and they knew I was coming. When I got to the porch, they had laid out this very small display, but a display none-the-less. It might not seem like a big deal, but it is when you have "christians" eagerly waiting inside to see what your reaction is to this. It was a box with "Spanish" circled in bold marker, next to another box which was there for absolutely no reason but just said "BANANAS" in bold and took up the whole box, and then they had put some green piece of plastic next to red spraypaint bottles. The plastic wasn't from the spraypaint bottles. The Banana's box didn't even have a bottom and wasn't holding anything or covering anything. It was just out there, positioned next to the "Spanish" box. After I left this place, I was passed by a bunch of people accessorizing their green and red together and it was just odd because they stared at me gleefully, wanting me to notice.

Anti-Psychotic and Paranoid Schitzophrenia Medication

I talked to someone recently, or they, rather, passed me a note in a restroom, along with a bottle of anti-psychotic and paranoid schitzo meds. I thought I'd try them, starting today, just to prove it makes no difference and that they don't work because I don't have anything wrong with me and what I'm saying is real. So I only have enough for about 20 days and they're supposed to be quicker acting, but I thought I would try it just to say I did and prove I'm NOT nuts.

I also got a prescription for anxiety stuff but haven't filled it because I don't have insurance yet.

But I am taking the first pill in a few minutes, and we'll see what happens. I figured 20 days can't hurt anything. I don't think. I need to look up some information really quick...

There are serious risks but I am willing to take them just to show it doesn't work, or hey, if there's something wrong then something should be dramatically different. You can't alter a personality though. I don't have mental illness--I have a strong personality and opinions that some people just don't want to hear, and very strange circumstances.

I AM being safe, and I checked the photos to make sure they matched before trying anything. I was given a slip with it, with identifiers and information so that showed what it was supposed to look like, but I double checked. I will also check consistency. It's for clozapine which is supposedly a tradtional one that starts to work fairly quickly, if it's working for someone.

I will give it 20 days, which is how much I have and as far as I know, it's not illegal to take a non-narcotic drug to try. I've never heard of someone getting in trouble for taking SSRIs or any other medications.

I was given the 25 mgs and usually you start with 12.5 but I will just try the other because it's not that much more really. She told me to take one a day to start, or had written this on the paper, and she gave me another note too, which I already flushed. But aside from that, her instructions were to take one a day and then increase to two times a day after the first week. So if this seems okay and like the first week is alright, I will. She gave me 30 tablets.

It works like a charm or it doesn't.
*************
Just took the first one. If I can find the right webcam, I want to do this all with streaming too, to show my basic life and how I'm normal as is really, but it would also show my daily habits.

I also figure this is a way to show I am attempting "compliance" with what the state wants. I still have to see some "psychiatrist" but then I can go to him and tell him I'm still having the same problems and it's the environment and my circumstances, not me. I will have already demonstrated trying something. I don't have much time left and my lawyer hasn't done anything for this case so I have to do it myself. I had to get my HEAD EXAM myself too, because my own lawyer did nothing. Nothing! and neither did the state either.

Anyway, I've been wanting to webcam stream but I want to go with a company that is outside of the U.S. so it's been a search.

Usually you have to have blood levels checked but it's just to see if the white blood cell is up from what I read, just today, and I have already had bloodwork done and they said it was completely normal (except for abnormally low potassium).
***********
I also read and found clozapine works for bipolar too, so no matter what anyone says I have, it should work or not.

Figured It Out--It's the Laptop

I figured it out, that at least what is happening right now, is just coming from the laptop, but it's very strong. If I go to a different area, I don't notice the hot feeling and it's only when I'm close to the laptop. It's definitely, what's happening right now, is coming from the laptop.

Which I still can't figure out because I don't know how this would be done or by who. I am sure someone in the U.S. government should be able to track or trace it. So I don't know why they don't. The last time my laptop was normal and had no problems like this, was before I met Chris Rizollo.

Then, I met him and left my laptop unattended a few times and ever since, I've had problems off and on so I wondered if he is military or has a military background, and had to access the laptop first, or if possibly someone else just started in after I met him, coincidentally.

I went upstairs and there is nothing from the floor above that is coming down to this room. So it would literally have to be either a satellite or directly from the laptop, for what this is.

There have been a couple of other times when something else was affecting the downstairs though, because the laptop was totally off and there were still issues, and i could hear a clicking noise, in 1 and 2 time, from upstairs, close to the ground. So I moved to a different room and then I heard someone move and the clicking began above the ceiling in the other room, and I moved again, and so on. It was a pulsing type of feeling that gave me a horrible tension headache.

Photos From Dominican Republic & Other

I accidentally got the one of W.Virginia in again but the others are from The Dominican Republic. There are more in storage. I like the one of the woman with the girl (I wrote the names of all her kids on the back of the photo. She gave it to me and I didn't realize then that it was one of her few possessions and someone told me later, so I couldn't return it, but it made it even more special to me, that she would be so generous as to give me a family photo which was only one of few.







These are on the beach with one of my most loyal friends, Kristen; with some of my favorite kids to ever be a nanny for (faces are mainly blocked so this is fine, a & s); with my best friends on cross country team and also mugs; and my friend Lutz, from Germany, who posed for me for art photo (these are a couple contact prints but i have others which are much better, just not with me).












The following are of me as a sophomore in high school, me going to a dance in high school with my good friend lenny, me and my friend anitra when we were about 4 years old, on my birthday, me and my cousin Char when we were 4 or 5 (by the water), and my brother and i when he was about 2 and I was 4.








One of the photos, of the box display, got in by mistake and I'll edit it out. It was taken for a reason but the others are of the Jersey Shore, the forest next to the house I bought (well, it was a park but looked like a forest and my house had this view), my
door, which I written psalm 139 upon sloppily (before painting later), and the view from a family cemetary in West Virginia.





I have most of my photos elsewhere, but I found a small book with a couple of photos from things I did in the past, and some are old photos of friends which I think I could try to post. I wouldn't put up newer ones of friends, but older photos seem to be fine, in moderation.

Asked Ex About Computer Problems

After not having any problems with the computer for maybe 2 days, I have them again today. So I called the ex and told him. I also found some picture drawn of me and my son by someone from Colombia which was upsetting. Bogota, Colombia and told him about it.

stopped and then started up again

It stopped for awhile and then started up again. 14:50 military time now and still having overheating problems.

overheating not just from computer

I don't know if this is just from the computer because I turned it off and still had problems. It was like I had a few problems with the computer this morning and then when someone got home it got a lot worse.

On the other hand, someone could have jacked something up more. But I don't think so. The other day, when this was happening, I could FEEL it stop as soon as I shut the computer down. It was like my body and heart cooled down almost instantly.

So I know that it had something to do with the computer. However, when I turned it off here today, and then just sat in the same position, I could still feel the overheating and my muscles twitching underneath.

Now it's stopped again. About 5 minutes after I wrote this last part. I think it stopped on the computer end but I'm wondering about other possibilities too.

computer overworking

My computer is overworking and causing problems.

Oh, now I get it. Someone was at church this morning and now they're not and they're freed up to start this up again. I wonder what time it is. It's 11:48 a.m. Then again, a few things have been going on for about 2 hours or so. So that might not be possible, to be in church and do this at the same time unless it can be done from a great distance or other timezone. More likely, someone was not in church.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

CPS Refuses To Increase Visits

with all of this CPS refuses to increase visits. They have only even made up about 2 of the missed visits out of a total of perhaps 10 missed visits in the last 2 months.

Next week, they are spaced further apart, which I don't think is as good for him. It puts more time inbetween us and I suspect that is what the state wants to do. That from the start, their motives have never been good faith and reuinification but rather to try to destroy the bond and keep us apart.

For months they stalled on providing "services" after they "won" by refusing to allow me to defend myself or anyone else either.

I have had zero help from my lawyer. None at all.

I have been blocked from documenting these visits objectively and documenting harm that has come to him as well. Meanwhile, all of our information gets broadcast in real time, to the entire community so they can make whatever they want of it.

My son has suffered because of this and my own family I will have to call into question for things they did to me even before my son was taken, and their motives behind all of this. They held grudges that I was trying to hold them accountable for falsely accusing me of hurting Granny or saying I would make a report against my uncle Loren. They also were angry I left for Canada, when it shouldn't have mattered to them, as they never involved themselves and our neighbors were closer company than they.

Meanwhile, as long as I've been in Wenatchee, I've been denied housing in another attempt to stall, and passed from one person to the next, who I later found out is acquainted with them and while supporting them, these other individuals tried to intimidate and scare me and some destroyed evidence that would help my case. My aunt and uncle have gone along with the state and allowed trauma to come to my son and then denied having anything to do with it.

I also now question how much my family knew was going on at that house in East Wenatchee. Maybe they didn't know, but I once found Granny's chapstick on the basement floor, when they never announced a visit, and this indicated my grandfather had also been there but they never told me about it. I also went back to that house to get medical records after I was in Canada and they were missing. No one but family had access to the storage. So someone either pressured them to take those things, and all of his paintings that I had saved which were missing, or they took them. I also find it odd that my mother and father would promise to pay for a lawyer and then back out, after stringing me along 3 months on it. I asked if they couldn't afford it, if that was the case, and the answer was no. I do not believe my family is supportive of a woman's natural right to have her child, even as a single mother. They never were supportive though they try to deny this now. They wanted me to give my son up for adoption and didn't want me to have or keep him. I also had one say it would make me less attractive to a potential man, to have a child, as if this factored into my decision-making. They knew how difficult people made it for me here and they were part of the problem. Not once has one relative, in this entire time, ever offered me a ride or to help with any practical things. Instead, they have lied along with people from the state, in a chance to keep him and adopt him themselves. My own family wanted to say I was "paranoid" because they didn't want to admit to the horrendous things they have allowed my son to be exposed to, or me for that matter. As much as I have extended grace to my own blood and family, and have tried, and tried even to believe in them and their own good faith or intentions, it falls flat. They strung me along like everyone else and then threw a bunch of food in my face, carefully selected to be symbolic to me and to hurt me. On my birthday, they left me with nothing, knowing I didn't even have a place to stay because I was being forcefully run out of town and into the ground, and they refused to help me collect my vehicle with all of my belongings when I was forced to abandon it in Canada. So no, after this and then seeing how haughty they are and have treated the mother, when my parenting skills are far superior to theirs and when they have no right to treat me this way, I cannot say I have had family support but I am also able to say it has not been my fault and I could not have anticipated such cruelty, to both me and my son. I had no way of even imagining. People they said were their friends over here, never acted like friends to me, and told me I should say I was nuts and go along with the state. The only things my parents held out on was saying they did not believe I needed medication and that they believed I was a good mother. But that's not enough for them. They said to me, "Every child needs a father and a mother." So there was never any real support from them, even for their daughter, because they do not support women's rights and especially not a single woman's rights--any single woman.

Visit With My Son (Mama & Princess)

My son looked really good, better, at the last visit. He looked better than he did Wednesday and it was a good morning, that Friday. I felt like it was such a non-harassing day, while walking, it was nice for a change. I got there and Oliver just started giggling and laughing again. I could see him through the tinted window and he looked worried and was looking around and when I peeked around the door, he burst into giggles.

He looked great that day. There were still signs of brainwashing though. I felt bad, and I think I know a little bit more now, because someone (I won't say who) allowed me to see something before we went into the visit. Something about BBQ King and in bold and underlined. I was supposed to see it I guess. I'm pretty sure it was BBQ King and not Bob King.

My son picked out a sponge Bob character from the basket and someone had it set out in the other room, and he picked this out, which was yellow, and a cement truck toy which was yellow, out of a yellow tub. I just noticed. So he brought them in and I held him and he was affectionate and happy to have me hold him.

We got to the room and he wanted Sponge Bob and the horse to have a race. There were all kinds of triggers or things lying around for him to find in the room that day. He wanted Bob and the horse to race and sat up on the table, calling out "Go go!" and telling me to have some go faster. So I alternated with who was winning and tying and, I had rubberbands around my wrist, and my son took one off and was going to put it on the horses head and decided to put it on Bob's head instead, and said, "Like a king". We had the rubberband around and I said it looked like a sweatband and laughed and he laughed.

It was either after this that I took a rubberband off and put it around a pen and pulled it out to shoot the rubberband. I got the idea last minute as I was leaving the house because I had just moved some rubberbands out of the way. So I was thinking David and Goliath. I asked him if anyone had shown him how to do this and he said no, and I demonstrated and he got it right away. Later, he was pointing it torwards himself so I told him to only do it around adults. But I let him shoot rubberbands all over the room and then started telling him about a boy named David and partway into it he was bored with it and wanted the guys to race again.

That, interspersed with the caterpillar gobbling me up and my falling over, whereupon he pounced onto me saying "yay!"

So then he wanted the stuffed animals to play and have them go to outerspace so they did, to the gum planet again. He gave them all something to eat and was very sweet about it. Then he had Sponge Bob as a king and said he was looking for the princess. So I said, "Oh? okay, where is going to look?" and he said, "In the castle" so we pretended there was a castle.

Keeping in mind how things go public and not wanting to imitate a traditional tale where I sound like I'm trying to insert myself into something (egad wishful thinker), I tried to mix it up. I picked out a figure, and there were only male figures, so I used one and had him pop around the corner and acted out Bob looking for the princess and calling for her. So then the princess speaks up in a crass voice, "ANNABELLE?! I'm PRINCESS annabelle!" and I had her yell, "What do you want?" and she goes on, ranting, saying, "I don't NEED finishing school!" and my son's eyes were wide as saucers and I decided I needed a puppet show at that point. He had a faint smirk on his face, appreciating this princess' shocking and beligerant, uncouth, behavior. So then she says, she's actually not the real princess. She says, "I'm not the real princess, I'm just pretending to be." So I said to my son, "Where is the real princess then?" and told him sometimes it's not what you think and told him, "Sometimes there are doubles." After I asked where she was he said, pointing to the dollhouse, "In the house!" so I walked King Bob over and said, "He is looking for his daughter". He calls for her and she says "I'm almost finished" and comes out and they go for a walk. Oh, and I asked my son what she was doing in the house and he said something like taking a bath or something normal.

I told my son, "We don't have a pretty princess figure here so we will just imagine the princess is with us."

So Oliver enjoyed all of this and after that, he brought the horse in and I said they would all go for a horseback ride. He brought in some other guy on a horse with a cowboy hat. So the guy said "Howdy partner". Then they were all going for a ride and I used the animals to talk to eachother, asking if each thought Oliver would like to go with them and then I peeked at him and said, "Do you want mama to give you a horsey ride?" and he nodded and hopped on and I walked around neighing for a long time. Then, I just stayed in one place and told him, "Oliver, this is a trot." and I bounced a trot which made him laugh out loud. He couldn't stop laughing. Then I said, "And this is a gallop!" and I undulated into rolling gallops, saying out loud at once point, "This is cheaper than a ride at the mall."

I was literally like one of those coin slot horse rides and he loved it and couldn't stop laughing. Then he'd say, "Giddyup!" and give a little kick and I would walk around again. We did this for a quite awhile.

Then he wanted to get a puzzle out ,and it was of babies and their mothers, in the animal world. One side was animals in the jungle and the other side was animals on the farm. I had each of them talking to eachother as the baby made its way to the right peg with the mother or vice versa and talked through it, with the baby saying he or she missed their mother and where did they go, and I brought up several scenarios he could relate to. He just kept saying, "mama, mama, mama..." over and over with each baby. Then, he gave them all a cheerio to eat and I pretended they were eating the food he'd brought for them. We did the jungle side and then the farm side and they were altogether at the end, after with their mothers, he lined them up to be on the pasture and by the barn and I enacted scenes and used their voices to make things up and talk to him.

I feel like it's been almost an effective and healing kind of counseling for him but we need much more time. He seems to appreciate and understand explanations from the animals one to the other

He kept talking about them being with the mommy. With the cow I said, "Hello my little one! you are here to eat! and I am the only one with milk so we will have cereal! all the other animals have to get it from me." when it was the goats there were two and I had them arguing over who was going to try the food first and then they tell their mother to eat it first. Some of it was humorous and other parts were about why were they separated and how the baby didn't do anything wrong, and they missed eachother.

Over and over he was murmering mama and it was very sweet but also very sad.

At the end, he didn't want to leave and stood there with a big hug and crying and then I made a calendar for him and he took this and walked out and then at the other door, turned around and yelled all the way across the room, "Mama, stay there!" and I said I would and he looked worried and I said not to worry. Then he added, "Promise!"

So someone is teaching him about promises. Hmmm. Probably people who don't know the first thing about keeping promises. I told him "I promise! I'll be right here!"

CIA Buys Services Of Children From Foster & Adoptive Parents

This is a great essay on some of the history and how the CIA typically uses foster children or those for adoption, and will pay for the services or make threats. Below is the true testimony of a man who successfully sued.

http://www.real-debt-elimination.com/child_protection/cia_mk_ultra_experiments_on_children.htm

I have made more than enough complaints and the military people I know or knew on the East Coast and here, know very well I'm not mentally ill. They know I tell the truth and that I'm accurate. The only way someone could get away with not investigating, is if I were secretly given medication or drugs that are supposed to conrol mental illness and it was made to look as if I were a new person on them. Take them away, and introduce crazy sounding situations, and just say it's because I went off the medication. They could also say I wouldn't know, because I had no way of knowing if I was on or not on medications so they could claim I just began acting differently when I was on or off of them and say "She didn't KNOW she was on them so she wasn't acting." Meanwhile, of course I'm not "acting" but OTHERs are, to make my world a living hell if I am not taking something which is supposed to "work" and therefore "prove" I am "mentally ill".

So if I am not on any of these drugs, and someone in government convinced everyone that I had a mental illness unless I was on them, anyone could dismiss what my claims were and know they could say the "secret" was that certain people knew I wasn't on medications and needed them.

So cover up and continue with abuse to me and my son, in the name of science or in the name of gang violence with a convenient cover, and make sure I have no way to use objective evidence to prove my claims about what is happening to my son.

Tell the others who are in the justice system and government, "We're handling it" and be dismissive about me.

Suddenly, there is a perfect cover for not only serious crime and abuse against me and my son, in the name of gang violence, it has been converted to look legitimate under CIA and Department of Justice controls. To conduct such experiments and try to use them to say I have issues, would also give a convenient, if undercover and hush-hush excuse not to investigate any of my claims against government misconduct or impropriety and would also cover for the criminals who would be associated with those in government.

Then, take my son away to allow for the benefit of doctors who don't want to admit anything ever happened to my son and be liable for it, and make my son easily accessible to gang or military/government persons who will be able to continue and control what is happening with my son when they know it would never stand with me.

Either deny the whole thing ever happened or continues, to benefit gang violence and corporate criminals, or use it to advantage.

If the CIA and Department of Defense were interested in ME, they talked to me and know my claims are authentic and that I am not nuts.

However, get the right twist into the 'confidential' documents, and certain people can get away with anything, can't they?

If they know I'm not nuts, WHY has all of this been allowed to happen to my son, and NO ONE intervening, if necessary, from another state or from the federal government? My lawyer sits on this case like a jackass for 4 months and the law firm tells me they are doing nothing, and no one here does a THING, and NO ONE will investigate my claims, but supposedly, it's not happening?

Oh, and what happened to us in East Wenatchee never happened either.

"It didn't happen. They are still alive."

US Military Tortures American Children

Here is something that is more recent, about the torture of US children. I have a paragrah from the clip, specifically about kids, below and then the link too. Sounds like the same thing Wenatchee tolerates, including the so-called Child Protective Agency and justice system persons, who have done nothing to protect my son: http://www.puppetgov.com/2010/01/06/mk-ultra-mind-control-clinton-apologyvictim-testimony-and-more/

Bonacci in front of the ranch where, reportedly, Johnny Gosch, and other boys were held captive.

It has been widely reported that the US military tortures American children as part of mind-control experiments.

1. Paul A. Bonacci said that, as a child, he was kidnapped, tortured and subjected to sex abuse and mind control.

In 1999, in a court in Omaha, he won $1,000,000 in damages. (Mind Control Victim Awarded $1 Million)

Bonacci in his testimony referred to the involvement of top members of the US military and top politicians in child abuse.

Everytime I Try

I want to let people know what has really been going on, to get my son back and so others know how they've been misled, but everytime I try, or get close, I and my son are harmed further.

The lengths that others have gone to, to keep my son from me are truly horrible and I have been subjected to pressure from people in governmnet positions in my own country, and probably outside of my own country too. I don't even know if there is a better place and where it might be, that would allow me to prosper without using me and keeping me down.

There are others I've been concerned about, who are never going to know, probably, what kind of warped games have been played with their lives and how they are nothing more than pawns to be used in a worldgame. I feel sorry for them, but I don't know what to do anymore.

I know what is happening with my son is very sick. I know the things I've been put through, and literally, the technology used against me, has been sick.

If the U.S. has computer experts and military, they very well could figure out what's going on and fix it or put an end to it, but because they don't, and it is used whenever, there is no other explanation than that they're involved.

And then I see Obama signed more sections of The Patriot Act which is just another excuse to abuse citizens longer. Not that being in war isn't good enough, as there are exceptions clauses to that.

I try to get simple things done and can't even manage because of the immense distractions and complications put in my path. The lengths people have gone to here, to run my clock out with my son, are totally, in itself alone, should be criminal.

After seeing some of the things I see, I even wonder if it's possible for people to create or set an earthquake into action...which would seem ludicrous, but how do I know? I'm sure they're natural most of the time, but how do I know if withdrawing enough liquid from one spot (which, I read, can create earthquakes) or drilling or doing something, doesn't set events off?

I really want massive devastation to the State of Washington for all the things I've been put through, and my son as well. It is human to feel this way, and not right maybe, but if anyone knew HOW much we've been put through, for nothing, I think they'd understand.

I was thinking about writing an article, being more informative about some events because I read some of the articles out there and realize I could do almost as good of a job if I just get to the sources quick enough and then write it out. I have decent angles too, but I'm not up to it yet. I did call the USDS Earthquake people to ask whether a large tsunami was possible for the Pacific NW if one didn't hit Hawaii and I was told yes, it's possible because the geography underwater and the direction of the flow--they're totally different. Not much is expected, but they are not completely inter-related.

I feel like some people have been sad for the dolphins today. With so many people referring to me as one or bringing it up around me anymore, I wonder what that significance is. I'm a dolphin as in, I'm trapped to entertain others in my own misery or for the profits of others? I'm a dolphin as in I still don't know enough about my family history? I have no idea. I think someone out there knows and I keep trying to find that person or figure out who it is, to know where to go, to save myself and my son.

I am trying to talk to some people from my past. I am talking to a friend tonight, but just friends from regular school and nothing big. But I tried to call Mike Tancer today, because I don't know if he might know something. I don't know if he would help me or want to do me in more, but when I look back on things, he seemed pretty paranoid, and now that I've been through what I've been trhough, maybe his respsonse to whatever was going on, was right. I don't know. I asked for tancer and she said "cancer" and I said no, tancer. But no listing.

Then, I think there is someone out there maybe who does care, but i don't know who it is and maybe they'll never tell me.

There are people who care about me, but only so far. They care about the motives of the other groups a lot more than they really care about just me and my son.

People I talked to, or some I heard, sounded sad today. Maybe they're worried about things I'm also worried about.

Wouldn't it be strange if I found out I had been experimented on, but people wanted to do it partly to discredit me and underline some idea that there was something wrong with me? Like, give me medication without my consent or knowledge and then act normal around me and quit the harassment so it appeared as though whatever "worked" when it never changed anything and the environment just changed? and then the minute I'm off of the experimental medications, suddenly introduce once again, harassment and abuse and then claim I'm paranoid or that I'm not functioning properly because I'm not on the medication when really, it never had anything to do with medications but the fact that there is natural trauma from being fried along with my son and having no one intervene. One thing to abuse, another thing under the guise of legitimacy, and then still another to try to tamper with and manipulate results to favor a particular verdict and dissuade anyone from thinking there is actually a problem to begin with. Lets just chalk it all up to "hey, when she was on this, she was fine!" as a convenient way to cover the truth. I've been thinking about a lot of things.

I think I would like to expand on this idea, in a future post. If I had a drink, I would toast to myself.

There were probably some things I really did need, for a short time, but no one wanted to say why. They just knew. For example, my thumb that was withering and wrinkled and aged and how this was appearing on my son too. I had it on me for almost a month at least and then one day, shazam, I eat something and the next day it's gone. And it disappears from my son too. Was it an experiment or just a way to give an antidote to erase or mask evidence?

The last time I saw my son there was evidence of the tinea versicolor on his face again, a spot above his eyebrow. I didn't say anything because the last time I made a big deal about it, someone sliced off that part of his face so it wasn't there anymore. Another time, it looked like someone had scrubbed the hell out of his face. I don't know what other methods have been used. Covering this would only benefit medical professionals in the town and their friends or anyone who wants to deny anything I've ever said happened to my son, actually happened. It would benefit anyone who just wants an excuse to say I'm delusional or there's something wrong with me.

At any rate, I wonder because I wonder still about all of the psychologists and other medical professionals who were so keen to observe me in D.C. and then, I guess, follow up later as well.

Prayed For Major Disaster In Washington State

Today, I will admit and document, in case anything does happen, that I prayed for a naturally occuring, major disaster to hit the state of Washington, and I prayed it out of what I have been left with, with the corruption over this case and lying by not just people here but my own family. I prayed on behalf of my son, and it probably will not happen, of course, but I prayed a major earthquake would occur, or some other major devastation so that those who have become rich or even comfortable, and stood to the side doing nothing as my son suffered, will know what it is to lose something.

I don't feel I got any impression one way or the other, but I prayed it. And I hope it happens.

I don't really think anything is going to happen with some big tsunami in Hawaii or the Pacific NW but I think this shows there is always the possibility.

Why I'm Ignoring Some Comments

I usually respond to all of my comments but I've had a bunch from the same person and so if there is no response from me, this is why. It's just taking up time with pointless questions and comments. I can't spend my time on things like this.

Sea World Orca Victim Of MK ULTRA

Does this sound strange to anyone? A Sea World killer whale just decides one day, to take a woman by the ponytail and drag her down?

This one has done it before. One minute, everything is fine, and the next?

I suspect the CIA is in on this one.

Oh yeah, I'll betcha.

Just kidding. I am joking. But I do think it's reminiscent of The Cove.

computer problems this morning and now

will have to document some computer issues i've been having today, from the start of this morning.

This Morning & Images: Tsunami in Seattle?

Tsunaimi. I can't spell it but I know what it is. I woke up this morning to see the news and find out there was a giant earthquake and ensuing tsunaimi in the NW waters or something. I don't know, maybe it was there, over there.

Just last night I had tsunami come to mind but it was for Seattle. I don't think it's even possible for that to happen but it came to mind briefly.

There is no way I can prove this thought came to my mind because it wasn't one I documented. I thought it was just a thought, but I specifically thought about a tsunami in Seattle and wondered if it was possible.


Just now, the news guy said there is a chance it will reach Seattle. I really, highly doubt it. I do not feel or imagine it will happen, but I DID directly have an image of a tsunami in my mind to Seattle. For me, it just makes me wonder why certain thoughts come to my mind at all, and then I later find out there's relevance. There is a lot of coincidence in the world. I just don't know.

For me, personally, it's sort of strange because when it came to mind, I thought "I don't think it's ever been seen and I don't think it's even possible to happen in Seattle" so just hearing that such a thing is possible is strange.

It was last night that this thought came to my mind so now I'm wondering when this earthquake hit.

It would have been so weird if I had written down that thought that I had. I think I didn't because I was pissed and WANTED a tsunami to hit Seattle and wondered if god ever heard prayers like that, that affect whether and figured it was too impossible to happen to Seattle. So there was my very human, tearful and upset thought. It wasn't something I was really proud of but then I wake up to this news and it just surprises me that any kind of warning could ever be issued to Seattle because I have never heard of such a thing on these coasts. I might look it up.

I hope the people are evacuated quickly and get help. The only part I think is strange is how I was writing a poem and then wondering if tsunamis were possible in the NW. I did a little research after hearing the Chile news this morning, and found out they are and I guess one big one is expected sometime, by scientists. Seattle also has a large earthquake fault, which I didn't know, and Eastern Washington has even had small quakes, some around Hanford (imagine what kind of disaster that would be...earthquake around a nuclear facility).

I've been listening to Madonna. The first song to come to mind, well, I just picked what came up: "Rain".

I put a comment about the royal family into draft mode where no one could see it, but I guess I'll publish it again since there is something interresting about a coincidence between my writing about having some image of the Queen and a ribbon or blue ribbon of sorts. The very next morning, with zero prompting from me, my son, first thing into the visit, picked up a magnet blue ribbon and asked what it was. It was like the first thing he did.
********888888888
I am following the Chile news a bit. This woman who gave me a ride recently had mail facing me addressed to Concepcion, Chile so I was hoping her friend is okay, and most people are, so that shouldn't be a worry. This sounds like a large earthquake but not too many people died, so that's good.

It also crossed my mind that William would be going out there at some point, since he once worked over there to build houses. I don't know where he did the work though.

I actually think Chile came to mind last night, when I was thinking about China earthquakes and wondering if I should try to guess where a big one would be, that stood out and I believe Chile came to mind but I dismissed it, thinking it was just coming to mind because of other subconscious thoughts or news I'd read. I am not positive, but i think it flitted through my thoughts for just a moment.

Friday, February 26, 2010

CIA: The Truth Will Put You In Jail

There is a saying on one of the walls inside the CIA. "The truth shall set you free". If the truth were known, it would be sending people to jail. At the very least, it would be starting a massive round of class action lawsuits.

MK ULTRA experiments didn't end. They just went on under other names. Here is a link to people who successfully sued the government, with information about what children and parents were subjected to.

When you see what kind of vaccines were given to kids without their parents' knowledge, some parents might understand better how I have been doing a public good, as much as they might not like me, I have been looking out for their kids more than most would, by trying to expose things that I have witnessed.

This entire area is a huge medical testing grounds. There are stories I could tell.

http://www.countercurrents.org/lendman160210.htm

If you or your family members haven't had health problems, maybe you don't believe it. But not every experiment even kills or harms--some people are not affected at all.

This town needs to stop and think about the woman whose son they are keeping from her, and start thinking about what my motives have really been about.

poems of sorts freewriting

if you only knew
knew which sock i was knitting when they told me to turn
when i was pushed back from the book
all books down are star wars
upon my head erasing me
my life to be replaced
if you only knew
le resistance, my resistance, my will
is stronger than the oak tree
you lifted up a steel door to a warehouse
and someone brought it down
rolling out like raiders of the lost ark
i kept my hat and lost my shirt
feeling a way to mystery
weaving a reed basket
trying to tell the truth of the pressure
have you known this pressure
under torture
have you withstood it
how long in this country until someone can break
your back and take everything or try
to put my hand into a glove
turning me around with a blindfold on
laughing to pin the tail on the donkey
as my child is screaming and sobbing for me
the innocence
it seems i must defend the wicked
to live
i must believe in those who torture me and my son
hideous wrapped twisted metal and steel
hovering, with religion mixing
tearing the dress and every small thing
but glorying in my substance
using me as a key
to unlock doors
caring nothing about liberty
heart in my throat
throat in their grip
iron wills to destroy me all but leave a shell
and call the mortar wasteland
ring my son like ringing bell
to call the mortar wasteland
ringing in our private hell
we call it mortar wasteland
the landmine is threaded throughout
this country and the next
*****************************************
how much for the souls which hang as shrouds
laced from trees with clouds
seeing their shape they mimic gaping fish
baby birds crying, peeping with open beak
poking a drill through paper white sheets
with their cries as some press round circles
onto their beaks
"these are great punchholes"
the little white discs edged in paper lace
stained above from coffee cups at church
sitting on tables at sharis and dennys
where french fries were a small price to pay
for taking someone's life
to ruin it...to drive to distraction one life
out of a shrill bile seeping from the nails
she mixes her paint with purple and crimson
and paints the faces of the women
putting stripes into their hair
gods hands pulling on the strand with silver dust
finding a gummy residue from the sticky
mercury, the color of
same hands twist the strands and send to lab
no one looking at the teeth, blood or skin
sending it to virginias best
who took the contract from the devils best
bringing it to the table like an offering
faust, i am, this knowledge may set us ahead
if we can harness this and never pay
if we can steal and keep the secret in an aluminum
box with a latch, if we can use the satellites as stars
putting them into position as if all creation
has nodded to the thing we made
we destroyed claiming to create
we tortured in the name of jesus and god of israel
claiming our stakes were important
we used sticks and guns and things which most cannot see
to push people into the same pen
we watched the christians laugh as they laid out
"god loves you" in threes
that your hand like a mighty fist would pound the earth
and split the sky
that these who place idols above simplicity and truth
that these idols would be taken up and swallowed
and the people fall into the abyss.
your people a disgrace to your name
your people destroying evidence of their crimes and asking for
a blessing
believing this is what they deserve
a blessing
wanting to torture anyone who does not agree
there will be no blessing
the end does not justify the means
the end itself is not justified
trading truth for a lie
*********************
joseph of arimatha, shekinah, ashra, melekahn, izreel, melan, melan.

ayku, sherda

(some of this is just freewriting and is probably messed up with other things)
amelikah (sounds like ah-mel-i-kah) kerenth (sounds kair-enth)?
ay-ter-seed, kor-inth (or kerenth)
maleka, mesheeba (may-sheeba) daytu
ellay-im orhah jah
mesa ory onyay
malika (or maleka-or sounds like mal-i-kah), erdu
malika (or maleka), yshu
kabimar karim ahnshu
air-rah
*********
I am NOT saying any of it means a thing. I am just trying for free flow, where anything or everything could come to mind and it could be different things or languages or jumbled, but the idea is to be as open minded as possible. I have been listening to a song at the same time so that's probably not conducive to this, but i thought I'd try it as an exercise and I'm NOT saying any of it is psychic whatsoever.
listened to "friday i'm in love" over and over.

royal articles

http://www.newburytoday.co.uk/News/Article.aspx?articleID=12546

looked up a couple of news articles today, on everyone in royal fam. not sure what I think anymore. i noticed this one, and something funny must have been said but not everyone is laughing. i sometimes hope, for diana's sake, that her hard work has not been lost, in teaching her sons to stay above the fray and refusing to be a part of a system she despised, which also abused her and in the end, where her simple protests ended in her death. this photo isn't that interesting and is not the source of my comments, but this is something i have been wondering for some time. if diana's work was in vain and her wishes for her boys were unravelled and undone to some degree. I say this, but I'm not trying to be harsh either. It's hard to know what's going on when you don't know someone personally or speak with them.

i almost think even charles has his doubts at times anymore. i read about the queen's escapes of the last two days and how her car didn't start. which was weird but maybe not really, if it was the same time my son was yelling "start your engines!" on the other side of the world, the queen's chauffeur is trying and queen ends up in the police car. i don't know. i really do not like how everything is made into something or the gaming but it feels like society is just one big game anymore and has lost substantive meaning.

i like what fergie is doing. i like her and think she weathered a lot and did it on her own and respect her for that. i think too she is one of few who has serious doubts that di's death was just an 'accident'. i don't think she'll ever speak on it though.

with william, it seems like he's trying. with harry, i felt he was trying to do something different and then got lost somewhere. or maybe not and i just don't read the photos right. anyone could be playing to cameras just to play to them as well. there is joking and then there is mockery and i'm not sure which it is he prefers i guess. maybe there's been an influence, i don't know. on one hand, he seems to look out for william's blind spots and then william seems to do the same for him, so it's good they have eachother. i wonder if at some point they will part on differences though, or if they will grow together torwards a common goal.

i haven't looked up their girlfriends since they're not part of the family and don't interest me as much. however, first i wondered if all my son's talk about cake was from my comments about mk-ultra, and then i read, by accident, kate and her brother are starting a cake business.

my head reeling. i started to panic, (just kidding kind of) wondering if all of my thoughts about cake and wanting to eat cake, and thinking about cake out of the blue, were from the mk-ultra thing about cake or somehow intercepting something else. because i had been thinking about cake before i ever saw that mk-ultra clip. it was just on my mind all the time, suddenly. i wondered if, since i sometimes pray for the family, things about kate snuck in and got mixed up in my thoughts. and then, to my great annoyance, my song starts wanting to make cake at every single frickin' visit. i was sorry i ever brought cake up. hey, maybe i'll play a song by cake.

so for the last MONTH or a little less, it's been shopping for cake this and baking a cake that, and feeding cake to the animals, and what kind of cake this time and what kind of cake next, and mama bring me cake and then the day when he was seriously stuck on cake phrases and it worried me.

thank god. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!! he didn't talk about cake today!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOOORRaaaaay. There was one brief moment where he was talking about a princess in the house, which I'll get to when I detail my visit, and i said, "What is she doing in the house honey?" and I swear to God, I was thinking, "please, don't let her be making cake." I don't like having to write about the days when, well, one day, right after I had mentioned in my blog I had an impression or dream about the queen with a blue ribbon of some kind, I showed up for the visit the next morning and what does my son do? he picks up this horse magnet and then a frickin' blue ribbon magnet, and says, "Mama what is this?" and I'm going on, explaining what a blue ribbon is, and thinking how in the world and how I am not going to write about that because it sounds like I am attempting to entangle my own life with theirs in some way. But that blue ribbon thing happened and I think the monitor wrote about it but I didn't talk about it until now. So I didn't want to have a whole princess thing going and then get into cake all over again. but luckily, my son said nothing about cake all day. I started to think maybe she was using cake business as a cover for trying out cakes for her wedding. i didn't/don't know. I think she probably has a hard time of it sometimes. Maybe it's hard for her to get other work because people don't give her a chance either, because they don't want her to succeed outside of the family business. I don't know. It might not be all that easy for her. I just know that at the last visit, when he brought up cake, I decided to steer that conversation into other foods as well, in a restaurant, because it was starting to bother me, all this cake talk. So where's my cake song, to hopefully put an end to the cake talk from my son for a long time?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596qaxm-u4o&feature=related

This Morning

I'm trying to reach my aunt to see if there is a visit with my son today as planned but can't get through--it's busy again. I left messages last night but haven't heard anything. I can't call offices until after 8 a.m.

This morning I saw this ad which I thought was weird...a Garnier ad with Sarah Jessica whatever and about a lift, for skin. All normal. The part that was strange was when it ended with "take care". Take care? take care while you use this skin cream? or take care like goodbye or see you later? I have never heard of a skincare ad or any ad ending with "take care!" ???!!

earthquakes

well, I feel slightly better, not that it matters, about earthquakes. I mean, not "better" but wonder if maybe I got something right. I didn't WANT China to have any earthquakes, but when earthquakes came to mind it occured maybe China was going to have one. I just found news that there was a 6.9 on Feb. 18, 2010 and then one yesterday I guess, a 5.0 something. Not that it matters. I think there have been others which are greater, around the world, but I haven't been following news as much with all the problems and technology issues around here and with my son. Literally, I've had every less than lethal weapons that is available, use on me and my son lately. I haven't written about it all yet and too tired now to do so, but will describe later.

Really, if I could wish an "earthquake" to happen somewhere, it would be right here, where there have been so many problems for me and my son. If any of the technology things are cming from elsewhere, I wish earthquakes would strike there. I just want my son to be safe and he's never done harm to anyone, and neither have i, for that matter. We are normal innocent people. I write, but that's it.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

People At Harvard Know Me?

I called Harvard to get info about Amy Bishop. I was surprised because it seemed they already knew who I was (not everyone). First I got this number and then it wasn't her fault but it went to a fax machine and then was constantly busy. Then I called again and joked around with this other guy when he said "tis the season" and I asked if he still ornaments up or what and he laughed and said no but a lot of people still had their lights up and just the other day he asked his friends or was asked if he had his up. He said he noticed a lot of people had blue lights up. He said "a sepcial kind of blue". He said he couldn't describe it but it was some special color of blue people were keeping up. I might be nuts, but turquoise came to mind. If so, it's my fault, for calling Harvard. lol.

They were all nice, at any rate. All of them.

Knowing Who To Trust

I do have concerns. I have questions about some things. Some have claimed to be helping but then appeared to be a part of wanting me to go to jail. And yet they convinced others they were helping me. Some contradictions.

I am trying to do whatever I can to help my son and yet I wonder if some of the solutions others have thought would work, they don't realize who is behind it really and what the motives are.

On Wednesday there was more out about knights and I have wondered if this has had anything to do with knights of columbus. I didn't so for a long time and dismissed this idea but then people start throwing this around again, and then also, a few things about taxes and it seemed some Jewish didn't like me but I didn't know why not. Then of course, protestants have done some awful things and it just seems more like gang stuff then all considered. but then I think too, some catholics would never do anything to harm children, at least the normal ones, and would have not wanted my unborn twins to die and knew I am not the type to abort, well that it's not my belief. lately though, I have been wondering about many things.

I think someone was looking out for me when maybe others had dropped me and I wish I knew who because those who really did and do try with me and my son, I feel I owe the most too. Probably later other people decided they cared too.

I realized today too, as I was reading about Di saying she felt like a goldfish in a fishbowl, I realized I had named our goldfish "harry" after prince harry and started wondering exactly when I did get interested in Di. I know we had that fish when we went through all the horrible things in East Wenatchee.

I watched spooks tonight, not following the whole time as I was doing other things and then looked the program up. I think the woman in the show is a really good actress. The blond one. So I looked up the main page and it talks about pakistan and india having conflicts. I wonder if this is true in real life? because it would make more sense for me, in seeing other tensions I guess. But I don't know. I don't know why india and pakistan would be at odds.

What Happened To Tall Man

there was some man one time, that my son liked. He was wearing red and black and white and my son patted him happily and said "hey" and was happy to see him. He was also looking good at that visit. I also think there have been other times my son has looked good. I think maybe some people use technology to hurt my son so that even if he's doing well otherwise, he has to suffer in other ways. I just hope all of those who have used things against my son suffer themselves in like manner or their kids do, if that's what it takes, to quit. I don't condone any harm to children at all, ever, but it makes me wonder, when my son suffers.

Surveillance of my Son

If someone were to keep my son under constant surveillance and had different locations bugged, and had him followed from a distance, they would find my son has vaeiously been in the company of unsavory persons who have been abusive.

However, no one has done this, and if they claim they have and say nothing is wrong, when I see there is something very wrong, then they are in on it. There are others who may know but may have an acute fear of what might happen if they say anything, if they know it's an intimidating problem where people in great positions of power are ultimately running things.

I also noticed, after my last visit with my son, that if there is involvement from others, there is also a very horrible problem across the board in this area, because of the number of people willing to do horrible things and play mind games with others, and some of it has been bringing up old abbey things now, but the other thing I have noticed is just showing and proving how many people in this area actually knew what horrible things were done to me and my son and they did nothing. hey stood by, like Nazis and were willing to see and allow my son and I to suffer horrible things.

Computer Overworking

The computer has been overworking since I've been blogging. It's heated up and I've been having the benign fasciculations which come with this.

Visit With Son (Start Your Engines & "Brown" Cake)

I already mentioned how excited my son was to see me. He was just giggling and laughing out loud and then ran and I chased him in the lobby and I think it's obvious to anyone how much we love eachother. Anyone could tell what a highlight it was for him.

He was wearing green and brown with brown pants and jacket. He looked like he had not been sleeping but I notice I have the exact same look under my eyes, as he does and it is probably because of exposure to other things as well. There is no reason why my son and I should both have the same dark circles.

So as soon as he was in, he wanted to play with the animals but I wasn't quite as enthusiastic with a cold. I asked if he wanted to read stories first but no, he wanted the animals to have skits. So I was thinking I should have puppets and could do full on puppet shows.

First we played with the animals as if they were playing duck-duck-goose with one another and then Red Rover Red Rover but duck duck goose was easier and then I chased him around too, and with the animals and he did some fancy footwork trying to get away and just laughing. Lots of laughing but then he had the coughing as did I so we stopped.

I said with the colds we should do things which were more calm and he said okay and then, after I had noticed the military guy on the table, which was lying down, and the parrot, I later realized, all that my son really did in the visit was repeat things. For example, he said over and over, "I want cake Mama. Mama, I want cake. I want cake." at least 7 times and then, "and we'll make cake, and we'll make cake, and we'll make cake" like a broken record but it wasn't like him, it was like someone had programmed the hell out of him.

I am getting the impression that while my aunt and uncle are saying nothing they are also desperate and want someone higher up to intervene. They are not saying anything but it is because they will also be in more trouble, or are part of it. I think they are being intimidated and threatened. And neither one of them would systematically brainwash my son to say these things over and over. I asked him about something simple and my son was also distressed that he couldn't remember. He felt he should remember and was upset and said Mama, I can't remember and looked upset and sad about it.

I asked him what he'd like the animals to do and he decided they were going to play "start your engines". He wanted them to race up against eachother, across a line, and used his hands as a megaphone, saying, over and over "start your engines". While I know kids play these kinds of games, it seemed to me that someone wanted him to play this. He had fun though, and I made the animals race. He called several ties and some wins.

Then he wanted to "make a cake" and went shopping for ingredients and I said what if we have a restaurant and he could be the chef? So he nodded and we bought many ingredients, for steak and mushrooms in white peppercorn sauce, and puccing or custard, and he thought of ingredients and he made his cake and then we set up the table for the animals. However, then I saw more proof of brainwashing.

My aunt usually puts a sandwich in my son's lunch. He had instead, strawberry banana juice (and people who have harmed or tried to intimidate me or my son have brought up bananas to mock the lack of potassium resultant from illegal use of technology agaisnt me and my son). So my son and I have been both going through a lot again and I was told by someone "We were giving you a break--your break is over." I guess that "break" came with intermittent use of Wenatchee weapons, which I found, online, are not difficult to come by and are small enough to fit in a pocket. Some are the size of a lipstick.

My aunt had a cough drop in his lunch, a strawberry kiwi yogurt, and the juice, along with 7 BBQ pringles. When my son saw the Pringles and took them out, he began laying them out on the table like cards. One, systematically, after the other, like in a tarot line up. I asked him if he wanted to feed them to the animals but when he did this, to take them out, he went into auto pilot, and laid them out with exact timing in an almost robot way. I said nothing, and never say a thing, to make him feel self conscious, but he knows he's been harmed and in this visit I did make mention of knowing there were bad people in the world who hurt others and don't worry, and it's not his fault, and told him he was very brave.

Then torwards the end, he kept repeating the cake thing over and over and it just made me sad. He isn't autistic in the least. Someone put that parrot stick thing there for a reason and then had my son just brainwashed to hell to repeat things over and over when this is not typical for him. The last thing my son said to me, was that he wanted "brown cake".

My aunt and uncle would not refer to any kind of cake as "brown cake". He would say chocolate cake. But he kept saying next time to bring brown cake.

Something literally needs to be done about the person and people who have had access to my son.

My son has not only done things like this, he in another visit which I didn't detail completely, before that entire visit, on the way to his visit, someone was driving a Mercedes that looked like Granny's car, past me back and forth several times. Then I went to the visit with my son and someone had told my son to break up pieces of cheese into tiny little pieces and pile them on top of a cracker instead of laying the whole piece of cheese down. This is what I described Granny doing, with cheese sandwiches. My grandmother wouldn't tell me son to do this or show him this. She wouldn't even put my son up high enough to see the cutting board because she has a bad back and wouldn't be able to put him on a chair. And seeing Granny do this once or twice wouldn't influence him and override how he normally puts a whole slice of cheese on a cracker. After this visit with my son, I walked back and someone was driving that same Mercedes back and forth again, the one that Granny usually drives or used to drive all the time.

One day he was talking about getting a chocolate donut and watching cartoons after the visit, like somene brainwashes him and then either punishes him or rewards him.

My son, in this last visit, also brought up christmas but brought up snow and lights and things some people in Wenatchee have tried to bring up to threaten me with at times, knowing when my son and I first went through the horrible things we went through. They would come up and threaten me, saying there would be snow soon (as if this would cover crime) and a whole bunch of other things, trying to threaten and scare me. One incident occured at Safeway and I wrote about it a long time ago. So I wondered why my son was bringing up Christmas but it may have been normal, however, I wonder because so many things are NOT normal. But I went along and had a Christmas with all the animals and had them opening up gifts and he gave them books for gifts and then would give them a hug when I hugged him with them.

He didn't want to leave and wanted to stay with me and just held on and hugged me for a very long time. He didn't let go for a long time and had tears and when I told him he might get to see me an extra day he was really happy about it.

I found out my son is not going to the daycare, so it's too bad he is not seeing kids and this is probably hard for him. He should be at another preschool. My aunt says she's been off from work so if he's at home, someone is going to the Avilas or is being taken from the Avilas to a different house or out somewhere in the orchard for someone to have access to him.

It is now not occuring at his daycare, if it was before. It is being done elsewhere.

The other thing I noticed after this visit, was that later, a car kept driving around me with 3 men in it and they kept yelling "Do you need a lift?" This was all on Wednesday and that occured at about 5-6 p.m. But no one says "do you need a lift" here. They say "ride". But not just once did they say this, sort of mocking, but then they pulled into a parking lot in front of me, and said it again as they drove by and charged back into traffic. I kept wondering why they made a big deal out of the word lift and thought maybe it was just implying I was down or something. But men of that age, over here, never use this terminology.

I should also add, when I write that my son laid out pringles one by one, I mentioned it was like tarot but that's interpretation and it was like cards basically, of some kind. Someone had told him to lay the chips out like cards.

Unexpected Nap & Dream Today

I talked to my ex and then laid down just to rest and ended up having a long dream which I remember most of and then fell back asleep and couldn't help it--I napped or slept until about 8 p.m. From maybe 2 p.m. to 8 p.m. I've been sick with bronchitis and there have been other things going on.

The dream featured everything from Queen Elizabeth and others, to a short dance with William, to getting into a car and finding my brakes were out as I rolled past a couple of men from the CIA and other intel.

I haven't had a lot of royalty things on my mind at all. Not at all. I did look up about 2 or 3 articles today though and so this is probably what influenced the dream.

I don't remember it all now, but there were very lengthy scenes with Queen Elizabeth. And at some point, there was a big party or it was a ballroom or something with chairs and tables around the sides and I was on one side with a few people and she was at another table, on the other side, with Will and others.

She approached me and kept changing her mind about me. She liked me and then she thought I was too much, and then at the end, I was joking with her and said she didn't have to worry, I already liked certain pursuits, and it was sincere. Kind of weird thing to say, but it was a dream. I said something about my hobbies and things I enjoyed and she had this look in her eyes and said something about my being "the one" (for what I have no idea) but in need of so much work or something.

I then sat down and she went back and that was going to be it and then at that moment a song came on from either Callie Colbait or Taylor Swift and it wasn't one I'd heard before, and I saw Will stand up at his table, when he wouldn't normally take a stand and would sit. I cannot imagine he would ever look good in this color, but he wore an orange suit jacket. Sort of like we might be apart forever and this was one chance to dance. So he stood and wanted me to dance with him and we went to the floor and danced and in the dream, it was very strange, slow dancing sort of gliding or perfect sync or something--very natural and then I thought maybe it seemed so fluid because I was sliding my feet on the floor and not picking them up at all (thinking maybe i wasn't doing something right). We danced, and I don't remember saying a word, no talking, just the dance and only for a 1/3 of the song and then a friend or someone knocked me over to the floor--I got tackled. Either no one was supposed to see and it drew attention, or someone wanted it to stop, or it was premature or something. So I was flat out on the floor and we were led separate ways or went apart, never speaking. Oh, I did say something, I told him he was a good dancer and he said the same of me but it was more like it was just like we'd been doing it forever, not that either was that great at it.

There were a lot of little scenes inbetween but then I was outside and driving a Toyata Camry (see, how dreams are affected by news as this was I'm sure). It was white and it was snowing outside and I went a certain direction, oh wait, first I was walking and helping Granny. But I saw people drive by laughing like I'd lost her and I looked behind and she wasn't there. So I got in this car and drove to find her and she was going a different direction and was not really herself and acting like she had the Alzheimers but I was trying to help. So I drove by and was going to pick her up and then I found my brakes were out. The car started rolling backwards, with no brakes. As it did, I passed some CIA men who saw what was happening and they laughed, and there were other intel involved was the feeling I got.

I kept rolling backwards and went from one town to the other trying to find the brakes. Finally, I was about to crash, and I woke up.

It wasn't to mean anything in particular I don't think as I think it jumbled a lot of experiences.

Wardrobe In American Idol

I like AI I but I saw this first song performance by the group and could only think about how much I don't like the womens' outfits. So much thin jewerly with mismatched (not that everything has to match but I like the fashion from W but not this)

Son Says Eyes Hurt & Can't See Well-- Ignored By CPS

In the last visit with my son, he couldn't see properly again. On the way to the visit, he thought a piece of lint on the ground was something else. That's not an allergy.

When we got to the room, he continually pulled on the same eye that has bothered him in the past, and said it hurt. He wanted me to look in his eye and opened it up for me but there wasn't anything visible there. However, he kept saying it hurt.

CPS just tells my aunt to take him to the same old doctor who never does anything but try to cover that there is something else wrong with him. They have given him allergy medication but done nothing more even though he's been constantly sick and with fever. He's losing his eyesight and should be having bloodwork and MRI done at bare minimum but they have done nothing.

And all of my attempts to get my lawyer to protect my son's right have been ignored.

MK ULTRA site and Amy Bishop & Other Today

I have filled out my FAFSA (college aid) forms for 2 different years. I am really motivated and getting a couple of other things lined up as well. I found out that while everyone was saying I had to be mentally disabled to get GAU (general assistance temporarily) there are other reasons for getting it and then I can go on from there. I am also not giving up on getting my unemployment monies but this is going to take a long time. I'm lining everything up however. Looking into publishers too, for children's books. This would not take me very long, to write children's books. Not as long as putting all the research into other things, which I want to do, but not right now.

For my curiosity pursuits, I'm looking into the Amy Bishop case, and more MK Ultra stuff. I don't know if her lawyer will be able to help her really. On one hand, if he's saying "she's wacko", that works for an insantity plea and could be a great PR move, even if he claims it was wrong to say this. On the other hand, if evidence of MK Ultra condtioning can be found, she might have a different kind of defense. Or, maybe not because it was her fault. It was all be better than saying, "I did it for political reasons" which would be a surefire way to get the death penalty. I do think much sounds like MK Ultra and possibly, she had knowledge of these types of programs as well. I found this site today, which is where out of the hundreds who were selected for experimentation, 8 of them successfully sued the CIA and won.http://www.raven1.net/manchcan.htm.

Leave My Son Alone Now

I have noticed that my aunt's phone goes off the hook or isn't answered about the same time I get the feeling someone has pressured their way into the home or into my son's daycare, to brainwash him or harm him.

My aunt's phone is off the hook. Since I have a visit with my son tomorrow, someone would be trying to cram their shit into him before that visit.

No one from the law enforcement offices here has gotten involved and they are a part of the problem or my aunt and uncle would have felt they could go to them long ago.

The last few people to be abusing my son have been white. Some are hispanic, but the ones have been white and I can tell, by the kind of things that come out of my son's mouth. It has mainly been some middle aged men running the show. Some of the guys have been younger, in their 20s. A few have been women. My son has had horrible problems at his daycare too, where the lady is mean to him and he has said this more than once but the state refuses to have him in a more open location school or preschool. Some are from out of the area and have come in from out of town before. Some do the harm from a distance, using technology. When you start tracing the line, it starts involving military and goes all the way up to the top, where, in D.C., there are people who know exactly what is going on over here and yet no one from East Coast government is getting involved.

Called Ex From Colombia About Harm To Son

I called my ex this morning--have talked to him other times, but not brought up as much of the issues. But I called him because of the problems and harm people are doing to my son.

I told him about some of what is going on, and certain individuals intimidating my autn and uncle and getting access to my son to brainwash him, hurt him physically (up close and from a distance), and to mess with me as well.

I told someone last night, that even with the harassment, I'm not saying it's him, but I said I knew somehow, that there was this smaller group maybe, with not as much power here or something, but that I absolutely knew they really cared about me and my son. In an even selfless way, and that they would even go to extremes to make up for mass issues.

In spite of some disappointing things I have newly seen again from some Catholic fronts, I have seen problems sometimes with a few Jewish people, and Protestants as well. It may have a lot to do with religion I guess, I hadn't thought it did, but it's something else too. AND I know that if I say I think it's about Diana, all of a sudden people are trying to psych me out with Princess Di stuff. If I say I think it's Jesuit, or Catholic in some form, all the old problems and history comes up. If I say maybe Jewish for some reason but don't know why, it's this. There ARE some major issues and some things may be a combination, but I know, in my heart of hearts, that there are really good people from all faiths and backgrounds, who really go out of their way to help. Not everyone just goes along with a big group or status quo. I know this. Even, for example, if an Israeli military man tried to get rid of 10 soldiers after they refused to take orders to get into random cars after an assassination attempt...I think of things just for example, of times when common sense, and a sense of morality make it difficult or unreasonable or maybe morally wrong, to follow orders. I know, that if I only knew, or had any real idea of what is really going on behind the scenes, I would probably be so shattered and shocked and horrified, and yet,I would also see some things which rival cinema. There must be some incredible story out there and I wonder if it will ever be known.

Thank you again, to those who have or did go out on a limb for me and my son. I hope no one is offended if they ever feel they've been lumped into a larger group that when they don't condone the actions of the larger groups.

The other thing is, which makes it difficult, is that there are a lot of people who are doubles in the sense that they may appear to be helping me or my son or care or those who care about me and my son, but actually they're not and are just trying to put obstacles in the way or make things worse. So even those I feel I could trust, I know even they may be misled. There have been many issues.

The main thing I want taken care of, are the people who are harming my son, at all, for any reason. I don't think they've gotten the message yet.

If you know what's good for you, stop harming my son and get out of his life NOW. I wasn't joking before, when I said I was praying to God for Justice and I know He heard me and some didn't like it. You leave my son alone, and that means, you quit your technology that is harming him, your sick experiments, and your mental forms of abuse.

Stop now, before it is too late for you and those you love.

Calling my ex from Colombia, is something I'm doing to try to help with this situation, but the one who should be feared is God and God help you if you continue to harm an innocent boy, in any way. God help you.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

energy in town

I felt fine, in general, but sick, and then while walking back, just noticed a lot of gaming and mockery. It wasn't so good. It made me think probably something really horrible happened in the hearing today, when I'd tried to get it postponed just a week, and some people were being sadistic about it. That was my first thought. Now I think, well, or maybe it was hilarious to some to get the color of my underwear.

So it wasn't great. Then, I went back to get a hamburger at McDonalds and saw this young man there. For the first time in months, I felt I was supposed to say something to someone, like when I said to the woman, "Your son is going to be okay." I could tell he was really smart, even though he was wearing slightly dirty and old workman clothing. So I found him and told him and asked if he was in college because it came to mind and he said he'd been thinking about getting his GED and going to college but had to drop out at grade 10 to work. So I tried to encourage him and then left. I knew I was supposed to say something and it was one of those things where I saw his eyes and instantly knew, he is smart and should be in college.

I really felt much better after that. I say nice things to people everyday, but this was a time where I felt it was to let him know something, that others knew somehow or noticed. But I don't know what it means for him. I wondered something else too, but didn't say it to him and won't write it either.

Tired now, but will write about my visit with my son tomorrow. It was very horrible, some of the brainwashing which was evident and then there was the parrot thing on the table, a military guy figurine on the table, and a bunch of staples all over the place which made me think about the guy here who is always stapling something on the house. I felt really bad for my son, because some group is trying to really hurt him and they don't care. They are not only hurting him, but they are harming him emotionally and trying to ruin his intellect too. They are jealous bastards and I pray God will take care of them.

Bad Visit To ER & Breach of Confidentiality

Dr. Ettinger and Ally

This was probably the first time I had a problem with getting treatment. I really felt it was unnecessary and even though he was so seemingly nice in person, and even held my hand ?, when he was walking out the door, I noticed a different expression on his face.

When I go in for migraine treatment, which I had to do today, I just expect "what works" and we figured it out so I haven't departed from that, and neither have ANY of the doctors in Wenatchee since I've been back from the East Coast. Even if they hate me, they've been professional or good about doing what has worked.

Which is very minimal: 1 shot ergotamine and 2 vicodin (100 mgs). The Vicodin takes care of pain and helps me to relax and then somehow the ergotamine fixes the base problem. Well, I still have a slightly nagging headache, not from migraine mainly, but it's still sort of there, and I am upset that this doctor decided to try something different and both he and the nurse were deceiptful in what they were doing.

I kid you not, I've had to have different docs and they know what I've been through with migraine so at the very least, they've ALL, even the ones who were so ornry before, all have just done what works. It's easy for everyone.

But no. Not today. And not only that, it wasn't 10 minutes after I'd left that I discovered someone had talked about the color of my underwear to everyone. The only people who saw it were Ally and the doctor. For some reason, I think it was Ally. I just cannot imagine the doctor wanting to tell anyone what the main color of my underwear was. That would be more of a malicious woman thing.

I noticed too, that Ally was uncharacteristically pleasant. It was like she was a totally different person when just weeks earlier she was so pissed looking and scowling at me, I had no clue why and what about, but I figured she'd been the one to call the security guard. So it was like night and day. I wondered if she had just changed her mind about me and then realized, no, she was only putting on an act.

So the doctor said he'd give me the standard, and then when she came back, she did say he'd ordered an anti-metic or antihistamine (which I'm allergic to and told him I couldn't take). So I said yeah, rather not. So then she said he ordered the liquid version of the Vicodin and she told me it was just like the 2 pills but in liquid form. So I said okay and she poured it from an opaque container into a little plastic cup. I drank it and then she was clearing things away and I said, "Could I look at the container please?" and she gave it to me and it was still almost half full of liquid. I just wanted to confirm it was Vicodin but I also noticed it was 500 mgs. So she tried to say something dismissively about there being some left but it wasn't needed.

So then, after I'd been examined by the doc (who saw my bra from the back at least) and then had a shot (by Alley, who saw my underwear), I still had the headache. It was throbbing and I said, "How many mgs do I usually get? I think this is too low, what I was given." She said she thought I'd gotten 7.5 or 750 mgs. I said, "How much was do I usually get? 10 mgs? and she said yes, and said that I had probably received about 7.5 mgs. Then I said, "Well, it didn't work." She said it was "just under" the amount. So she came back with more, this time pouring even less of the liquid into a cup. She said later, when I complained it wasn't enough (but helped slightly) that I had received 7.5 mgs and the doctor wouldn't order more. So I said to ask because this wasn't standard and I'd figured out what worked, and whatever this was, wasn't working. So then I started to think, those containers are 500 mgs each. I got a little more than half of one and then even less than half of the other. I probably got barely 500 or 5 mgs total. They refused to give me the standard dose even though my head still hurt.

I said to her, "What do you do with the rest if you're only giving me part?" and she said, "We waste it, with a witness present."

It is one thing to not give standard treatment which has been proven to work. It is another thing, to intentionally try to deceive a patient. And then pretend like you odn't know why it's not working like it should. Not only that, this is completely a waste of money and misuse of medical monies, to be throwing away medicine that should have been put to use on a patient that needed it.

I felt what they did was totally disrespectful in that they used a liquid form of Vicodin in order to pour out part and pretend that was the full amount and that it equaled the standard. Then, it was unethical to refuse to match the normal treatment, which after all this time, I and other doctors finally discovered WORKS.

So I had to manage with migraine still and then find a bunch of other things to take instead. It is still there a little bit. I didn't leave right away though because I felt sick and couldn't, and was still in pain.

So the other horrible thing that happened, is that they had turned the monitor on in the room, which just flashed ads, but no one used it for anything. So I was about to put my shirt on and this guy comes in, another nurse named "Jamie" who said he was German. I thought he had a southern accent but he said he was from here. He didn't see the color of my bra or underwear--I don't think.

So I go outside, after I'm done, and ALL these people are wearing my color of underwear in sweatshirts and shirts and other things. Not everyone of course, but a lot of people and some were walking down the sidewalk torwards me and laughing.

From the time the doctor saw my bra, and I was outside, it was maybe an hour. From the time the nurse saw my underwear, it was about 45 minutes.

It was like someone described what color and then broadcast it to everyone. Or a significant number of persons. And it was noticeable because it wasn't an ordinary color, or sort of, but not really common.

So, altogether, somewhat disappointing.