Sunday, May 31, 2009


I met up with my Pakistani friend and he was a perfect gentleman and tried to brainstorm with me but the job he had in mind wasn't going to work because my license is suspended for non-payment of tickets (half of which were not even true and which I wanted to contest but couldn't). So we thought of other ideas and decided to just keep phone numbers for each other.

The sailboat guy told me I could stay as long as I needed or wanted to, right before I left to meet the other one, so I decided staying here is best. There are two people here that I really like and "click" with, and it's got a beautiful view and I think there's potential for work in the area. Also, I think I could learn a lot here. Ideally, of course, I have my own place, or rent at least, pay rent, but that's the goal anyway and no matter what I did in Wenatchee, I couldn't get anywhere with it. It's safer here too.


i got off the see-saw
sent you flying
but you looked so pretty
like a fairy
flying with that magic wand
shimmering with silver dust
didn't know what to do
except watch the way you
shot up when all around
were falling stars

turning the arm in
at the elbow
twisting hand out from the breastbone
the branch of an oak tree
moving into the shape of
winding ahead of the serpentine

"skylark, have you anything to say to me?
can you tell me where my love may be
is there a meadow in the mist..."
wrist watch off, no longer checking time
rolling up the sleeves, washing dishes
checking one or two things off of his list
she's in the corner, rolling around the
corner of the door, smile on her face
turning to the desk and window
knowing he will walk through an open door
with a bird on his sleeve
invisibility as a pull

that's all for now! i had a cool image of
boxing actually--punching a bag, but i don't
know how to write about boxing or have the vocab
for it. saw sharp jerky movements straight back
and then forward. level or head level. shoulder and head level

Sleeping In Seattle

This should be an eye-catching title. (I decided to change it--I had sleeping around in seattle and ommitted "around) I saw the Sleepless in Seattle houseboat the other day. I haven't been with anyone in that certain sense of the word since Alvaro left. Kissed one person and that was it. But I am "getting around" in other ways. Staying here and then there possibly after today. The good thing is we're all neighbors. It's a good neighborhood and no one is stealing my things and there have been no break-ins. In fact, I left my purse out in the open all night and I didn't even have to worry about it. It was not my imagination what was happening in Wenatchee and Wenatchee has really got some problems. I am not safe there, period. If I try to report anything, the police do nothing.

This has been a new adventure. I have to share a little bit. I talked about sailing the other night and learned there are 7 positions on a sailboat, for racing. I'm invited to try sailing and I think I want to be on a team for racing. I don't know how long I'd want to do it, and I hate being cold, but maybe summer sailing? We agreed there are people who love the wind and others who hate it. I love it. A day without wind feels dead. But I don't want to be wet and freezing either. The only position I understood was the jibe positions and the back ones for tactics.

Saw the letter about the service at Windsor too. It's authentic with a red seal. It's a red stamp type of seal with the lions on the side. Sort of fun to look at.

I think my Pakistani friend may be able to help me get my things out of Wenatchee and then I'll be working and should be able to get in to visit.

I met this guy yesterday who sells hard liquor, and hence recommended not being pregnant. Vodka! I told him about a use for vodka with paints. He gave me some samples. I think I have a nose or palate for vodka appreciation. I can tell the difference between them. Someone else I've met is a wine expert and writer. Just met Tom Robbins at a tasting, the guy who wrote "Skinny Legs". I looked at his new book, "B is for Beer" and found another redhead. I love how he pays homage to the redheads!
But she and I both sort of like roses and not everyone is into them. Had a good white by Novelty Hill and some good reds lately too. I'm asking others to describe what they note so I am able to learn how to distinguish and explain what it is I am smelling. There are, I guess, 600 different wineries in Washington state alone. !!!!

Today I'm doing some yardwork and calling my guys over here. I really like this Pakistani man--he's a good guy.

Saturday, May 30, 2009


I did a little work and I think the gypsy group I met is fine. So I'll finish writing about her story.

As for the other people with boat and fun discussions on windsor and being illegitimate something-or-others, or lost aristocracy (haha. ;)), i'm going to keep the rest of my writings about them private. There will be interesting things to discover I'm sure, but I want to keep it private. So that's the end of that, in general.

And as for the book, I have no idea why I kept that book and who cares. If I can't remember anyway...!

Still having fun and feeling better about life.

Listened to portishead last night and this morning, forgetting how much I like them. Especially, "Give Me A Reason."

I did a lot of cleaning today and watered plants. Still cleaning but got some of it done.

Am under strict orders not to get pregnant. Wine and liquor tasting to be done. I might need an education.

The Ringmaster's Secret & Charm Bracelet

I was just wondering why I have saved one Nancy Drew book out of my whole collection. Did I do this? I don't remember doing this and I don't know why I did either.

My grandmother had an enormous collection of Nancy Drew books and i read them all and loved them. Then I think I gave them away or sold many of them. But one that I saved, which was in my hope chest, is "The Ringmaster's Secret".

There is a cover of a circus performer in a pink tutu (an aerialist) next to Nancy Drew. I just looked up the storyline on wikipedia and it involves a charm bracelet.

There is this performer who is given a charm bracelet by the Queen, or a Queen who loves horses. One of the horse charms is missing. Nancy Drew's puzzle is to find out where the charm went. She runs into another circus performer who has the horse charm they're looking for.

People keep trying to kill or maim or threaten Nancy so she isn't able to solve the mystery and then as it turns out, the horse charm and the bracelet belong together and they are the pieces for reuniting a mother and daughter back together who were separated for years. I guess their entire lives.

Why the hell did I save this book? Maybe I liked the tutu because it looked like a ballet get-up? Well I don't know, but I think it has to be something like that. I probably liked the photo on the cover and that was it. Maybe just wanted to keep at least one of the books, for whatever reason. Or maybe I liked the story and how it was written. This one was actually not written by Carolyn Keene but by another woman going under a pseudonym.

Why it's interesting to me now is because I recently looked at the charm bracelet Princess Diana had, just very recently, and noticed the charms on it. There is X, W, and H. For some reason, the idea occured that X wasn't for Charles but maybe they were all initials for children she had, and one was miscarried or maybe there was a twin. But it could just have been for Charles, for the men in her life. I assume it's for Charles.

NO, I'm not saying ME. God. I'm not delusional. I'm just thinking of a lot of things all at once. I started wondering if the women I met are real, first of all, and I need to look up the performer for one thing. Then, I was thinking about Alvaro with the same clown wig that this woman in a van wore when I first met him but I was going to meet up with someone else.

So, just thinking about odds and ends, and I'm not making any conclusions about anything except I do know I've put a few things together from mind games certain individuals in a group were working on.

So, then I just wondered, separately, why I ever DID save that Nancy Drew book.

I think I need to find that piece of paper with the email addresses. Those women seemed to be for real and normal. But lately, how do I know? I mean, just the other night I'm ending up with windsor maid ancestor on a sailboat with rubber duckies.

I mean...

Gypsy Part Of Game Or Not? The Ringmaster's Secret

I wanted to write a little bit about the gypsy woman. She has such a great story, all of the women around the table had tears in their eyes.

I know I can't even give the synopsis the way she can. She is the best one to tell the story and she does a great job of telling it. I think she should be an inspirational speaker or something. She does want to open a new business that benefits others.

She is from West Texas.

When I first saw her, she was wearing jeans and a wild colored sweatshirt with skulls on the hood, and a t-shirt beneath with a gold crown. She had a Prada handbag with her. Long straight dark brown hair. I noticed her legs right away because anyone would. She has incredibly long legs and is very fit. So the Marilyn Monroe woman, who was inspiratonal herself, met up with her other two friends, all of whom were like something out of fried green tomatoes. Or a patchwork quilt story. Women enduring through trials and tribulations.

There was me, with my issues. And there was this Marilyn look-a-like who had been physically abused by her husband for 10 years until they divorced. He never paid for anything. She had three kids and then one year after they were divorced, he drowned in a freak car accident. She got social security from him and was able to support her kids finally. Then she remarried and is still in love with the one she married.

The other woman was more of a stoic but you could tell she'd been through a lot too. She had been married for 30 years and then her husband got cancer. He had chemo and his behavior changed. He wasn't the same anymore and they said it was because chemo can affect the brain. So he left her, after all those years and she didn't know what to do. She said the first year was horrible. Then he was free of cancer and after 2 years, he got it again and it was throughout his body and then after the drug therapy it went away again. Cancer-free.

So we were around the table with the dark haired woman and the other women kept telling me she had this incredible story. They said they were all food demo people for Costco and two of them were from Kentucky and the one was from Texas. They said they all lived in Carson City, NV now. When we toasted, she said "salut" and I asked if she was Latina but she said no, she had just lived in Mexico for awhile.

She worked as a circus performer. Along the lines of Merit Becker. She opened up her own traveling troupe and taught herself acts like sword swallowing, eating fire, lying on a bed of nails, and walking on glass. Along with, she said, other acts and roles in dancing and other parts. Her parents weren't into it and she said they were conservative and she rebelled. She was doing drugs at age 11 but got them from people outside of her family. She said she learned how to balance things from a young age. So she went to college and ran into people who did this sort of thing and she'd been performing in dance since she was 3 years old so she joined up with some others and started her own sideshow group. She had never done it before and just read books and had other people teach her how to do it. She watched people build a bed of nails, she said, and built her own. Then, she says, she performed all these acts but was on drugs at the same time and it was really hard on her body. She had friends whose entire lives were in the sideshow. One of the guys had horns implanted, she said, in his head, and that's all he was, "the enigma". Then his girlfriend had whiskers implanted in her cheeks and had tiger stripes tatooed over her body and they were fully dedicated to being this act.

But she said, she did it for the challenge but didn't want that to be her entire life. So she says she almost died from sword swallowing, not from the actual sword but a bacterial infection that landed her in the hospital. She said for all the skill it took to do her shows, it was feast or famine. She was written about in a book, chosen to be one of 10 out of hundreds featured. I am trying to find her now but can't yet. She gave me her email address and name and I noticed her last name is pronouced the same as the Thebaults: Thiebauld. (pronunciation--TayBO).

I'll have to look for it and for the paper again. She and the Marilyn woman gave me their names and email addresses.

But at any rate, she said she almost died. Now that I'm writing this, I think I need to check some things out...

The guy who I was meeting seemed to be an actor. The whole thing was just a weird game and now I'm wondering and hoping my being approached by these women wasn't also something weird. I don't think so, but with all the games being played, and my ex even calling our relationship a 'game', I think I need to check some things.

My ex kept looking at this book I had saved when I was little, a Nancy Drew book called The Ringmaster's Secret and it had a picture of a circus and perfomers on the cover. And you know, there was that clown that I saw when I was in D.C., that I wrote about, the woman wearing the multi-colored clown wig. And then I later saw photos of my ex, Alvaro, wearing that same wig, or, a wig that was just like it. He was making a bunch of faces with the wig on like it was a show. And I saw these photos after the woman clown drove by in the white van.

Alvaro also had a photo of himself pulling a sword out of a stone. The photos were set in Thailand or looked like a Thai background.

At the firepit when I was meeting the one guy in San Fran., I was presented with a "My Thai". And one of the guys kept pointing out the walls of the hotel, to my room, and I realized they were painted the same way as the walls in a dream I had which I told Christa Schneider about over 7 years ago and she wanted details, and to know exactly what it looked like. It looked like the walls of the hotel I was at in San Fran.

This is weird.

I'm going to have to look into things a little more and verify some stuff.

Why I only saved that one book, "The Ringmaster's Secret", I have no idea. I couldn't even remember what it was about but I saved it out of all my Nancy Drew books and the whole collection I had. Why THAT one?

So I'm wikipedia-ing it to find the plot.

Wild Adventures

I have to work today but I need to write a little bit first or I won't have it out of my system. And I have some things to write about! and identities to protect. But I think my life is a lot of bad luck and some extraordinary good luck too.

I had all these weird thing happen in San Fran. but I like San Fran. I really like that harbor and the weather. But then this guy sat next to me on the plane and he seemed friendly but it was weird again. He came on with a fishing pole. Just love the whole "fish" theme in my life. Then he has me look at his book about an American woman living with Aussie aborgines and he wants me to read these excerpts, one about the web of life and cobwebs. He encouraged me to go to school and bought me a bloody Mary and had a bloody Mary and then left with "peace". He was navy. He asked me if I believed in "destiny". I said I didn't know, that I used to, but I didn't know what to think anymore.

So I had switched my connection because I had a weird vibe with the San Fran. people. He had me going to Portland with a layover for hours and THEN Seattle, and I felt the whole thing...Well, I talked to these other women, the Marilyn Monroe woman and the gypsy and the other, and they agreed with me. Get OUT and switch it up. And that's exactly what I did.

I took a flight directly to Seattle airport. The guy I had gone to visit, left me with a hotel bill and car bill in San Fran when he said he was paying it all with his credit card. I saw the bill at my door at the hotel and thought you've got to be kidding me, and I didn't want to try to check out and have them tell me I had to pay before I could get my rental car out of the garage. So I just went to the garage and said I was going to make a donut run.

I got in the car and drove to the airport, where I was told there was a bill on the car. I couldn't believe it, so I said the guy had paid for it through expedia and it was his bill. At first I didn't know if I was going to be able to get on the plane but the guy let me by.

The guy I was sitting next to seemed sort of okay but it was weird so he asked me where I was going and I said to my gate. He asked if I had baggage at baggage claim and I said no. So we parted. And then I decided to go back to baggage claim without him knowing. I went down there and he was getting his stuff with some slight women with a blond topknot and his demeanor was totally different. He wasn't acting like the wide-eyed innocent chatty guy anymore. It was kind of odd, I thought. Do I know what to make of it? no. But he looked sarcastic and was just different. I followed him for awhile and they didn't know. I just had this feeling it was possible he knew me somehow. But I didn't know if it was in a good way or not and he might not know me at ALL. It wasn't that big of deal.

But I didn't have money, and I had a connection to Wenatchee where they've frozen me out intentionally and lie about me. I had some money and maybe should have managed it better, but I did NOT think it would be that hard to get a job there. No one will hire me. So I have zero money, and I'm supposed to go back to Wenatchee to a locked out house and no money? That place is just a trap. But I have to see my son and I am determined to get him back and it's not my fault I don't have money when so many physical medical problems have prevented me from working and wiped me out.

So I tried to buy something to eat and my cards were gone and out. That was it. After all the corruption in Wenatchee, and lying, and then not being able to work to even be on my feet...

Oh, and there was some Irish guy really eyeing me when I got to the San Fran. airport. He was well dressed but just looked at me like he knew me and...didn't like me and had enjoyed the little game in San Fran, and I think that guy, "Charles", well he had Irish eyes and then the other two people were from Jersey and Monterey. Italian I THINK but I'm not sure.

There's even more, there's more about putting the whole 2 and 2 together on this San Fran thing but I'll have to write about it another time.

So back to not having any money, I decided then and there, I had to think of something. I felt betrayed by U.S. people, but I know it's just a certain group. I didn't know what to do. So I had nothing and I just walked through the airport until I got to Vino Vollo, a little wine place and that was it. I went in and sat down and thought. I didn't know what I was going to do.

So I suddenly remembered a Pakistani friend from Seattle. But I couldn't find his name in my book at first and so I called another Pakistani friend in D.C. for advice. And for once, I burst into tears in a public place but I restrained myself.

I then found the name as I was talking to the other guy. I decided I was going to stay in Seattle and get work here. But I didn't know where to stay and then I found the number and name and everything. I wasn't going to take the Wenatchee connection.
I am still going to visit my son and need to get my stuff but I have to do something else and move fast.

So I was able to use someone's telephone and make the connections. But I had nothing and I was hungry. I was packing around pizza from San Fran because the guy there hadn't paid for stuff and then bailed and I didn't have money. But as it turned out, someone bought me a glass of wine and then a flight and I had a chicken salad and then I was still hungry and I had a pork taco. I was going to hang out at the port for awhile and this woman who I'll keep anonymous, said she'd like to hang out with me until I talked to my Pakistani friend. And she was really, really, amazing. She gave me $40 and then said to come with her. Before we could take off, I got some books at the bookstore and she later said my selection had endeared me to her. I came in with 4 books, all which I was going to return and just wanted to read for awhile. She asked what I had and I had "The Ice Man--some mafia and mob story", "History of Civil Rights", "God Is Not Great", and some new CIA book about all the technology and equipment they use now. I figured I might want to know what's out there. So I was reading the mob book and just staring at these photos of the guy and his family and they all look so NORMAL and happy and just like a picture perfect family. Just amazing. Anyway, yeah, like I'm going to be able to read them all, but...I was working on the one. And then I had to return them all. hahahaa! Anyway, she said she thought I might have some brains since I wasn't choosing a romance novel or something.

I saw a few men walk by when I was there, who smiled and nodded in my direction. I remember one very tall man with dark hair in particular. I looked me directly in the eye and gave this nod and I started to feel like things were going to turn out alright.

Then, it just got more and more crazy. In a good way. We went to her house and it was just beautiful. Craftsman style and yacht magazines all over the place. I know how to spell yacht now!

So we went out to this really cool place with sushi and had pinot grigio and house white and then this cocktail that was really good. And a lot of sushi. It was perfect. I met this nice couple who were there and we started chatting. I liked them a lot--one guy's family is from Thai originally and the other was from China...I think just ethnicity-wise. And then we saw the same couple later that night, randomly!

After eating there, the guy who does yachting or sailing actually, competitive sailing, had to putter his boat out past the locks for a race which was begun today. Asked if we wanted to go with! of course!!! It was the most beautiful day. I am not even kidding. The weather was amazing.

So we went out to the Seattle harbor or yacht place and got on board. There were little rubber ducky icons on the pole in the middle. And then they pull out this yellow rubber ducky.

This is after I found out the woman is a writer! English lit. and freelance writer for a magazine and she and I both like to dance and love the arts. Then it got even weirder.

Windsor castle weird.

I was noticing these spots in her eyes at the Japanese place and she had sectoral heterochromia like me. She noticed my spot too. And her heritage is english, irish, welsh, and scottish and she spent some time in Scotland.

So I don't want to say very much specifically, but her family used to work at Windsor, and she's writing on the side about it and has a letter from the Royal family or whatever for this woman who worked in the house, back when. We were on the sailboat at that point, sitting at the front of the boat. I noticed her toes later and she has the athenian foot and we compared toes. We started joking around that we were lost decendents of aristocracy or something and she brought up blood problems and when she asked who gave me the hicky on my neck, she nodded and said it was from easy bruising. So we were just joking around and I told her about my interest in Diana and she said Davis was welsh but I'd never heard we were welsh.

Oh, and the hicky. I told her, it was NOT from the guy in San Fran. It was from the guy who tried to tackle me who I told to get lost. I remember he kissed my neck but I did not remember him doing anything that would give me a hickey and I told her I was so embarressed because you can't even cover it up though I tried, with make-up. At least I was able to say it wasn't from San Fran man.

Anyway, what's weird, is that she didn't seek me out. I walked to her. I mean, one minute I'm in the Seattle airport and the next, I'm meeting windsor woman unbenownst to me. We had so many common interests it's a little uncanny! We talked about Henry and Will and personalities and she asked who I thought the love of Diana's life was.

Oh, and the best part about the boat! (besides being on the water and that wonderful smell of saltwater, smoke, and gasoline...seriously, I like it) We were approaching this bridge and he handed me this can with a nozzle on it. I looked at it. He asked me to do the honors. I didn't know what it was for! I looked at that can, and I thought it was a can of silly string.

So I didn't know what to do with it. I thought, "Am I supposed to wave this can around so the string goes flying out everywhere?" I imagined it was all this colorful party string and I thought maybe it was a way to christen the boat. Well, not christen it, but...? I knew it was some kind of tradition. So I'm holding the can and then they said, you press the nozzle down to blow the horn for opening the bridge up. And they said to do it once for a long time and then a short blast. They covered their ears so I decided to raise my arms up to cover my ears and held the horn up high in the air. With my arms all the way over my head I pressed the nozzle down for the blasts. It was loud! and so fun--sort of a thrill. They said I did it right, and clapped and cheered and then we saw this line of people on the shore and they were cheering and we waved. And I held out my glass of wine to toast them.

Then they pointed out how this opens up the bridge. They said we had to wait for a response and then it would either open or not. I said it was like "open sesame." Well, I think I just said "Open Sesame" when it opened up. It blasted out a response and we went through and then we went to the locks. We got to the locks and the attendents said the holy grail had arrived. I am NOT fucking kidding. Which was in connection, I think,, with a sculpture... Oh, and it was funny, because before that, we went out to this opening in the harbor. There was a metal sculpture on this little island and I could see the shape of a dragon and I thought it was a skeleton.

She pointed it out and we got closer I said, "Oh, cool, it's a dragon and a skeleton" and then we got farther and I saw the skeleton had a sword. It was Arthur, pulling the sword out of the stone.

Then this blond woman on the beach, in a bikini, ran along the beach as far as our boat went and then stopped, turned, and waved and we waved back.

I was having so much fun with them and then we looked at eachother and agreed, never could I have imagined my day would end this way. He had these really brilliant blue eyes and said he was English and Irish. I've seen some of these eyes lately. She says she came from a Mormon family originally and I don't know about him. She knows a lot about her family because of the genealogy from the Mormons.

So after this, the boat was tied up but she played U2s "With Or Without You" and said it was played for me specifically.

Then we went to this fun place called Sambas for cocktails and to see one of the best cocktail mixers in the town. I really liked the place--it was like a secret garden and had good modern art up on the wall. I liked the art, it was really passionate. It had spaces of peace and tranquility and then passion and the colors were gorgeous. Modern and with roses and maybe sunflowers. some yellow flower. Red, white, black, yellow, a little pink, and blue. i wish I'd taken some photos. And then there were my favorite flowers in a vase on the bar--asiatic lilies. The asian couple I liked and talked to were there. The woman gave me her card. They were both journalists. And this other guy I met is a freelance writer too, about film, especially foreign film.

I had the gingerini, which was fantastic and made of real ginger.

I do wonder about things a little. I should, right?

Then, I called my Pakistani friend who said everything is going to be fine and that he's got a place for me and work too. So money coming in.

And then I just met this other guy who said he's going to check around for work for me too and he knows a few people. So this is good.

I got to play a little guitar this morning too, because the same day this woman met me she had bought a guitar and a fiddle. So I'm really rusty but I tuned it and played and sang "Closer I am To Fine", "Down To The River To Pray", and Leonard Cohens "Hallelujah".

Someday, if I have a boat of my own, I'm going to have a silly string tradition. Every boat should have a can.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Gypsy Weal

I know what this means now. You have no idea who I met tonight and I'm not going to say enough to identify her, but she is richer than most of the people I've met who live off living high. She has a better inspiration story and brains and wells to draw from than all of the sadists I've known, put together.

And for once, I met people and women who I knew there was nothing odd about. They're the real deal, and there is nothing shady or subvertive about them. They're not corruptible and would never take money to abuse others, no matter how desperate they were for the accolades or the resources.

All The Pieces For The Puzzle

I have all the pieces of the puzzle now. I have written a lot of truth mainly and some misleading stuff, to throw people off, and I've gone along with other things just for the info, but I'm ready to put all of it down now and all of it lines up and the people line up too.

"Special Agent" DIA and Group

I questioned what was going on with this one guy who "catches the bad guys" and then I went ahead for more info, and played along for sitting out and talking. He said to meet him at Pier 39 and said these other people had just arrived. I had the feeling they had not just arrived but they all knew eachother.

So he flashes some gold badge that was on a passport type of thing. He tells me he works in the field, catching bad guys and terrorists and setting up nuclear bombs. Why would anyone who sets up nuclear bombs be telling people he sets up nuclear bombs? I mean, he's saying he works in Iran, Afghanistan, and all these countries, and he's the bomb man? Great. I know I'D really want to be known as The Destroyer. And The Savior. Publicly. Like I'd want my face out there. I mean, what he said sounded good, I was starting to believe him, and I was actually having a good time and having fun, but then, I just wondered why this is all so weird.

As I was sitting with this group, more than one photo was being taken in our exact direction, by small cameras and huge lens cameras. There was nothing of interest where we were sitting. We were just having our photos taken. A lot.

I just feel like I'm being set up all the time. If this was something good, it wouldn't be weird.

The other man and woman were funny and the woman especially, but the guy who is DIA said the woman told him I had taken a date from the other guy. I didn't take a date from anyone and later, I realized it was an excuse. He said he wasn't going to be made a fool of and he'd said he was an interrogator. If he was an interrogator he would have known how my story added up and that I wasn't lying. He had no reason to doubt me and he would know people who lie don't spend a lot of time justifying their story. Typically, people use short word answers, not long answers. So he said he had to make a few calls and then he was out. I sent him an email to see what he'd do with it, to see if he'd just hang out tonight, but no.

I don't know why she would tell him I had a date unless she was trying to sabotage things or unless they all knew eachother already and it was just an excuse. She was saying we should all go out dancing. I actually thought it all sounded like fun and she told a hilarious story.

But what am I supposed to think? Next thing I know, the other guy is telling me to talk to his friend "Andrew" for a job. I said what kind of job and he says to talk to his agent. I said what kind of agent, "Special Agent", "Secret Agent", "Movie Agent" and he says "Movie Agent" and tells me to send a photo to this other guy who will forward it to him.

But then the other two are saying the guy I met is possessive. How do they know? I told them I was just hanging out with new people and meeting.

The other thing I noticed, was a lot of English too. There was one couple with two boys that kept staring and staring and staring and then took a table near me. For some reason, I knew they were English before I heard their accents later. The woman looked sad or worried or...? I didn't know what the deal was. But she kept staring--her husband wasn't as emotional but looked at me more than she did. Just kept looking over. Not at the others I was with, but me.

Have to break. A woman who looks just like Marilyn Monroe's twin invited me to dinner and drink. Drink! Drink!

Who Is Working Together

I spoke with a woman today who said she believes all of the odd things that have been happening are coming from the same group. She believes almost each and every thing is stemming from people who are working with one another.

She said it is clear this group has a motive for wanting to "remove" me or discredit me to keep me from speaking about certain things or to be kept from being believed.

San Francisco, New People, & Judge Hotchkiss Orders

I'm in San Francisco. I can't tell you how much everything changes when I get out of Wenatchee.

Just getting to the airport was a triumph. As usual, the state railroaded things. I had grounds to object to their lack of notice and so I was told, when I said I was going to be late and put me at the end of the docket...I was told I should be fine. Usually the docket runs until 4. At least 3 p.m. Not once has it ever ended early. Well, I was told I should be fine and then I got there and court had ended before I arrived. I had let the court know I was on my way.

So they just pushed a bunch of lies and orders through again. Default. Every single thing they've won, they've won by lies and default.

I also found out my housemate HAD changed the locks and didn't tell me, and gave me no notice either. Someone told me this has happened before with her, that she's done lock-outs in the past. I guess some don't think she's as much of a missionary as one would think because apparently she's cussed out a 12 year old, and well, I know what happened with my fiance, whom she believed was my husband. Unless she knew him ahead of time, because like I said, it was like they knew eachother before we moved in. She also said, to me and housemates, that if certain people came onto her lawn she would shoot them outright. SHOOT THEM. I have certaintly made threats to SUE someone or make a report, but I have never in my life threatened physical harm to even my worst enemy. So it sucks. I haven't done anything to her. I haven't trashed her place, taken anything or stolen, and I've been polite. She said she'd work with me about some things regarding the house and then I tried to call her about it for more directions and she just ignored my calls and didn't even tell me she was doing a lock out. She did it the night I was out with that other guy who had police waving at him, and I had court the next day. If I hadn't been able to get into the house, I would have been unshowered and in the same clothing, and without my things. It's a little bizarre, and some of the things going on there are bizarre and I've tried to be nice about it.

I saw Jerry Moore, the Sgt. who lied about my son not having bruises, and when he saw me he actually looked humbled and nervous. I mean, I think the bee bee gun thing must have hit on something. He wasn't Mr. Cocky anymore. But I got his report, which he'd written before I said what I knew about him, and the guy just did his best to make me out to be a lunatic. I got the photos they took and they're just reprinted onto paper and are fuzzy and don't have definition. Only 3 bruises show up. It would be impossible, with that kind of resolution, to see the bruises that were there and I'm going to have to check dates because even the cut on my son's foot looked better. The band-aid was practically blending into the skin. They're not good photos. What is clear is that my son is very, very, thin.

The state's main request to the Judge was to prevent me from being able to videotape or take photos of my son. The visitation monitor is really, really, bad. She must really need her job because she's flat out writing lies in her reports and doing whatever she needs to try to make me sound bad. Videotaping is my only way of being able to prove the state is lying about me and my interactions with my son.

I met a couple on my way out of Waterville that I liked. An older man before that who was nice. But I noticed, with the man, his eyes. They were not just blue. They were this very specific, very clear and brilliant blue that I saw only in D.C. I knew it was either Russian or English. There are blue eyes of every shade and variety, but there is a certain color of blue that, I don't know how to describe. Once I saw a long line of handsome and tall men with this color of eye coming down the ramp from the airport in D.C. Some smiled and noted me. I noticed a lot of them had this blue eye color and I thought they were Russian or English. So I asked this man about it and he said, shocked, English. They were going to drop me off at a good intersection but after this, I guess he was impressed because they took me all the way to my house.

He was American, but with English heritage. So then, I met this woman with a carload of kids and really liked her. I am hoping to get to know her better. The kids were cute and the little boy kept echoing what I said like part of a Shakespeare chorus.

I got the airport and talked with a man from New Zealand who was funny and nice, and I noticed the Colombian colors on his bracelet. His daughter is marrying a Colombian. I realized I was starting to relax just talking to him, like all of the tension from the harassment I get from Wenatchee people, was just rolling off my shoulders. I realize once again, how normal I am and how well I like people and that there are normal people in the world. I socialize well and laugh and he and I were joking around about the competitiveness between Aussies and New Zealanders. He was saying, joking, New Zealanders aren't married to their brother and sister, and was going off about teams and joking and I said, "I don't know...then again, Aussies get to drink on the job!" He laughed and said there was a bit of that in N.Z. too. He has a daughter who loves to dance and is really good at it. She's 8.

I turn into someone else in Wenatchee, with all the harassment and provocation. And then I talk to this man who has been all over the world, and who knows a thing or two, and I realize I'm just in the wrong spot.

I then got on the plane and was joking a little bit with this woman who was maybe English? I think that was her accent. I looked back at her and for some reason, the idea she was related to P. Diana came to mind. She had so many similiar features. In a round-a-bout way. I don't know how to describe it. The air attendant came around with beer and I don't know what kind it was but it was good. It made me think of someone I knew in D.C. I had my beer poured and turned around and the English woman was looking at me. I almost toasted to her. I had this spontaneous impulse to toast but I didn't know why and I also thought it was lousy what the state has done and they are setting me up to lose my son permanently. I don't know why but I noticed her toes. She had the grecian foot, which I noticed because she was wearing sandals, and she was on her way to NY.

On the next flight I sat next to a man from France but he looked Russian and was suprised I said so because he said he does believe he's of Eastern European descent. We talked about blood type. Never in my life have I talked to someone who knew such random info as I did. I mean, he had studied the same things I had, just out of curiosity, about blood types and their dispersion of blood type throughout the world and origins of type. I couldn't believe it. He was B- I believe and he asked what type I was and we discussed how certain types are more predominant in certain countries. I'm pretty sure he said B- was common in Russia.

I got into San Francisco and it was rough. I had a few problems and noticed I was followed. I almost got the plates of a couple of cars it was so obvious. All of them were very rich and just following me around and laughing their heads off. It was basic harassment. When I got behind their cars, they would take a quick exit to the right. I don't think they expected me to know what was going on.

I noticed when I picked up my rental car, the keys had a symbol of a goat. Yeah, the ram. So I thought, huh. And then my room number and the room number of the guy I met with (who stays elsewhere) sum to 13. And the hotel has all this fish symbol stuff which was associated with A. all the time, but whatever. Probably no big deal, but I notice and I notice when I'm being followed around like I'm some kind of joke. I also noticed a couple of others who seemed to be keeping their eye on me (in a good way), and after I noticed one, I had to turn around because I missed my turn and saw she had a British flag on her car. And I'd noticed her noticing me before I saw the insignia.

When I was pulling out of the airport, I got the sense that someone was praying for me again, or just the energy that no matter where I was going, someone was looking out for me. And then I saw this huge shooting star but it seemed to be almost like a firework because it was too big I think, to be a shooting star.

Then I got to my hotel and it's nice. I met this new guy who says he works for the Dept. of Defense in intel. He didn't say this before. When he says he catches the "bad guys" and the "terrorists" I wonder about what he's telling me. "The bad guys?" I don't know. That's a direct line from Armando Garza. And come to think of it, "Secret Asparagus" was, I believe, used by a guy I met while trying to get to D.C. I knew it sounded familiar. Usually no one will tell you if they work in intel. Well, they can, just can't give specifics. But I wondered. You wouldn't think so or guess so. At any rate, things are checking out and he seems nice but I'm just getting to know people. There's no romance or anything, just meeting people.

I'm watching a movie for the first time in a long time: "Gran Torino", catching up on writing, and then going to hang out.

I think it's possible for me to get a job anywhere in the world except Wenatchee. I did go to my interview and he wants me to come back to talk to the second guy. I know I could do the job and do it well and probably make a lot of money for the company. I think they should hire me. They can always fire me. But I think they could make some money with me.

I don't write about people I work with. I never ever did, and didn't in D.C., UNTIL I got nervous about my work-romance with this guy who seemed to have connections of some kind with maybe some group in intel. I didn't know what was going on so I felt I needed to protect myself and put info up. I never wrote about that place until I was being fired for being pregnant, which was totally illegal, and pissed me off. But in general, I don't write about work or about people I meet, even if I've known them for a long time.

At any rate, I'm trying to figure out how to stay close to my son and find work at the same time.

Also, the Judge said he wasn't giving me a PD. He's refusing to assign a PD which would enable me to get New Trial right away, and is telling me I can find my own attorney and if they'll take $90/hr., he'll pay them the state rate. He knows, as well as I do, that for me to spend time looking for a lawyer, it will cost me all the time I have left. He also knows there's not a lawyer in Wenatchee that would take my case.

God. The police in this movie are just like some of the police I've known. This guy who took me out that night, his behavior, I don't know. Maybe his initiation wasn't at age 14, maybe there has been some kind of "initiation" involving being "another one in the hole".

I have no idea. I just thought about it, because I've had too many guys who are connected to eachother trying to be with me in just a one-time type of conquest, who are not looking for a relationship, but just a say-so.

This "13" shit is a little bizarre too.

While I'm here, I may upload some info on hearings. I also may go ahead and finally write about a few other things. I don't know. I may and I may not. I will think about it but I have to make up my mind for once and either just decide to never write about things, or just do it.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

State Filed All Documents 4 Days Before Hearing

I have to pick up whatever the state filed, because I didn't get anything when I was checking my P.O. Box for mail, when I would be expecting something from the state.

I got slips yesterday, for certified mail from the state, and one was mailed on the 23rd, last Wednesday, and then it was "ammended" two days later on Friday. Then it was a 3 day weekend where I couldn't pick up mail and I only got stuff from my box on Tuesday. So basically, I had 4 days total for notice of documents filed, and then only one day for the "ammendment".

It's not sufficient notice for making any kind of response or defense.

I am goign to object and ask for a new court date since the state didn't give me proper notice.

Neighbor Tells Me Police Were In My House

I had a neighbor tell me that the same day all of my things had been gone through, three police cars were parked in front of my house and were going in and out.

I don't remember if she said this out of the blue, or if she said this after I told her my roommate said my housemate/owner had gone through my things.

But she piped up and said, when I came home for lunch, there were three police cars parked out in front of your house and officers were going in and out of your house. I said, "Are you serious?" and she said yes.

It seems unbelievable almost, why would THREE police cars be interested in my house, and why would they go through all of MY things? I looked at the other rooms after seeing all of my stuff had been gone through, and no other room was disturbed. I had initially thought it was police because I was missing one of the empty prescription bottles, but all of my bottles and prescriptions are legal so I don't have anything to worry about.

I don't know why my neighbor would lie but it's possible? or she didn't see correctly? But pillows were overturned and my bags gone through. I wasn't missing my silk shirt though, I don't think but I didn't check. I know for certain that the black and white photo of me was there on the dresser, because I left the house that afternoon and then was with that guy I met at the bar where I was picking up wi-fi.

The photo was there but my things gone through, and then I left the house. I was out all night until early in the morning and I asked that guy to pay for a cab to take me home. So he did and I got to the house and couldn't get in. So I went to a neighbors house and she let me stay on the couch and told me this, about seeing the police.

The next morning, when I woke up, I went to the house and found a way in through an open window by taking the screen off. When I got to my room, I then saw the photo was missing and my windows shut, and my pink silk blouse was missing. I wasn't at the house last night. I didn't do any sleepwalking. I was staying the night at the neighbors.

The night that I went out with that guy he was known to people in town I think and police were waving at him but he said he was single and at the end of the night, after I told him to get off of me and I wasn't having sex with him, he was on his cell asking someone if his "girl" had called him.

Photos Of Me & Oliver From Visit Today

My son wouldn't eat today unless he was lying across my lap to eat the peanuts, or unless I was holding the spoon to feed him the yogurt.

He is very thin and appears to be losing weight.

I need to obtain his medical records and see where he is on his percentiles because he's not doing well, in my opinion.

Possible Sexual Abuse Of My Son

At the end of the visit with my son today he said he wanted to go home. He was bored and tired. This is the first time he's said he wanted to go home rather than saying he wanted to stay with me.

I asked my son what he was going to play when he got home. I asked if he was going to play something and he nodded. I said what, and he said "Suckypee" or "Suck y pee". I am trying to think if there is a Spanish word that I don't know of for a game that is innocuous. If there is, I'd like to know. He says "si" and "y" for "and" and he repeatedly kept saying he was going to play suckypee.

So I asked my son how do you play suckypee? And he took a straw from his juicebox and as he kneeled on his knees, he put the straw in my mouth with his mouth and then sucked and blew air on his end of the straw.

The visitation monitor knew exactly what I was thinking because there is no way she wasn't thinking the same thing. I saw the concerning look in her eyes and then she tried to shrug it off, saying "It could be anything." But she was saying this after looking very alarmed. lAnd she asked me over and over, what is he saying? and I said, I don't know, "suckypee". She said, "that's what I thought he was saying." And then she tried to say, after my son shows us what "suckypee" is, how to do it.

I asked a couple of other people if I am right to be somewhat concerned and they all say yes. They say, especially all the men, that this would be extremely concerning to them.

My son did not have any bruises that were abnormal, like a bunch, on his legs today, not that I could tell. But in the past, the bruises have been on his right leg primarily and a couple times on his inner thigh.

In the photo above he was showing me how to play suckypee, and put the straw up to my mouth but you can't see the straw in this picture. But he put it in my mouth and then he'd leave it in my mouth and blow and suck on the other end, taking his mouth off sometimes. I said, "Is this how you play suckypee?" and he said yes.

I asked if he played it with someone and he said yes. But he didn't say who.

Sorry, But I Miss Colombia

I don't know. I still miss Colombia. Even though I don't know everything, and don't know who to trust, and even though a couple things were "different"...

I like Colombians. I like how they're respectful and their manners and the way their children behave.

I went out last night just to work on computer. Had a couple drinks and wanted to dance. Had too much to drink but he'd had more.

He said he was Mexican but I thought Puerto Rican. As we were driving off, an officer sort of waved with a smile. This guy says he's a local. He drove a very nice car too.

But I guess money doesn't make the man.

He was really nice, and funny, but something was missing. He said something about the Secret Asparagus service that was really funny and cracked me up, but I sort of liked Alvaros personality more. Even though he didn't know a fucking word of English. Barely. There was some deeper connection with A. that went past language. And he's into revolutionary ideas and change for people and countries and we didn't talk about it a lot, but it was still there.

I don't know what A. was up to, but our personalities clicked. Not that the other guy isn't nice and funny, but just different.

And, I didn't like he wouldn't take no for an answer for about 10 fucking minutes. I had to practically push him off. He didn't do anything wrong, but if I say get off of me, get the HELL OFF of ME. But he'd had a lot to drink. I mean, it was fine.

But still, I don't know. I want someone who has the personality of Alvaro, and the manners, but who is able to be loyal, and who kisses like Alvaro's cousin, and...I can't imagine better physical chemistry than there was with A., but he's such a womanizer, he's probably that way with everyone? Oh, and I had a very good chemistry and intellectual connection with Chris, but he was always annoyed and impatient with me.

But I do miss the way Colombians are. It's a different culture but maybe it sort of fits my personality. I don't know. It was really nice to go out and dance last night though.

BUT, then I got home and I was locked out and thought my housemate had changed locks...

I had to sleep at someone else's house. Then I had to climb through a window after taking off the screen and then realized the deadbolts were totally tampered with. NO one had changed the locks, they'd been fucked with and turned around and the key wouldn't work.

Then, SOMEONE really did steal from me. When someone went through my stuff, I still had my silk pink blouse from my introduction to the Colombians, and the b & w photo was still there but today I saw these two things were GONE. The only things missing. That b & w photo of me and my silk shirt.

I don't know what the hell is going on.

The guy I was with last night, said his brother was into dealing and stuff but he wasn't or chose not to be. I don't know if he was telling me the truth or not, but I tried to guess things about him and he said I was right.

I said I saw a red ribbon. Something to do with a red ribbon or line, in the family. I saw yellow. I saw "initiation" and he denied this and I wouldn't back down and insisted there was something to do with an initiation and then finally said okay, he had been initiated into a gang when he was 14. He acted shocked but how do I know for sure? I said there was an orange tabby cat. And I said I saw "private" and that was the first thing but he didn't seem like a very private person. I didn't know if it was private like military or private like kept to himself, and that's when he said he was with the Secret Asparagus. Private was the first thing that came to mind.

But you know, there were things about Alvaro I definitely didn't like. And so many mind games and telling me one thing and doing something totally different. I felt played. I don't know if he really loved me or loved his property or, if he was really getting a tarjeta verdes, just wanted to protect his interests.

Some really sketchy things were going on.

I seriously don't think I'm ever going to meet anyone who is right for me or who I'm right for. There's always some problem. Always something in the way and something, I don't know...

When I went to the convenience store with the guy last night who said there was red inthe family, a guy who was wearing a blue and white jersey with number 34 came in and was checking everything out and then I noticed all these vehicles outside when he left. I don't know what that was about.

I like Mexican food better and maybe Colombian culture a little bit more. I like different things about the different countries.

Note To Anonymous...And Slavery Is Great Too

This anonymous poster added a comment to the post I made about Michelle E. most recently. My argument is that, yeah, and slavery worked a lot better when everybody was cooperative too.

Sure! You might avoid being whipped and get extra favor if you were respectful and acted happy to be a slave.

START FUCKING waking UP America.


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

People Laughing WITH Me!

Okay, I'm just deciding people are laughing with me over what I wrote. I had SO many people driving back and forth or by me and just smiling or laughing and I thought about it and thought, you know, I was cracking up laughing myself as I was reading what I had written. I laughed so hard. Yeah...I guess I'm a little bit funny. Even when I don't mean to be. I read some of the things I'd written and was just cracking up, like when I read how I was feeling "heady" and I KNEW it wasn't from the sprite. Didn't include that one.

I had a moment of panic though. I thought: SHIT. SOMEBODY GOT THOSE PHOTOS OF MY ASS. I thought maybe someone had accessed through hacking and posted them without my consent. Because, I think, only my ass is THAT funny.

Mafia or Govt?

I had dinner with a Mexican family today. First new neighbors I met in my hood. I talked to them and to four other people today, to get some feedback and they all thought I was either getting a warning/threat, or that something "creepy" was going on.

This is what I was concerned about. I got the email from Alvaro, in which he stated his situation was "dangerouso". I read this email from him which had been sent the day before, just as I had been listening to again and all of these death and dying songs came on again. The same thing that happened in D.C. First I had a disney station on and Pinnocio songs kept coming on in every imaginable language. Sort of different, and not usual, but whatever. Then, I got song after song about dying when I clicked to a different station. Especially, songs about some Ex-Lover is Dead type stuff. What the hell am I supposed to think? It's not part of the normal program. So, here's Exxon saying he's in a dangerous situation and then all these songs about how an ex lover is going to die. Song after song.

Then, he doesn't answer his phone or email when I write back to him. I got nervous, because I think I'm a caring human being, even as others are trying to play mind games.

And then there's this guy coming in the very next morning, and he and his buddy seemed to know who I was and sat at the bar next to me. Then the one guy kept looking at me and after I asked if he was Italian he said yes, and then said he liked NY but that it was "dangerous" on the East Coast. He ended by saying "Remember, Life is short." His friend wouldn't even look me in the eye. I didn't even get a good look at him. I was thinking he seemed nice and direct but then, considering all things, everyone is saying all of it is strange.

I got this message, Life is short, said to me two or three times by the Italian guy. After hearing all this death song stuff. Which happened on the East Coast too.

I called the Dept. of State guy this morning, because I was worried. The night before I had all the weird song stuff again and I called the state guy who acted like he didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do with HIM. I mean, I don't know. He asked me for the birthday of my fiance. I thought about it and knew the date, but didn't know what to say. I didn't know what he was planning to do with the information. He asked if he'd done anything criminal. I said no but thinking about it, I realized probably. But why was he acting like I had come to him? He and his friends came to ME at the cafe.

The radio thing has happened a few times. Once, after I said to Alvaro I'd marry him, I turned on "80s music" on lastfm and I'm familiar with what they play on that station, and all of a sudden, HE, my fiance hadn't done anything. He hadn't touched my laptop but what came on? Mariachi music and Mexican music. song after song after song. Then one 80s song. Then all this Mexican stuff and Latin American stuff again. I looked at Alvaro, and said, "What is going on?" and he was laughing but it was like he was surprised but it was a joke to him. I think he knew who was able to do that. He wasn't shocked at all.

So what am I supposed to think?

This didn't just happen a few times. It happened all the time when I was on the East Coast. Just a few times recently. And then whenever I talk to him for a few minutes, if I reconnect with him, I get all these guys calling me up like "I hope we're cool and everything". ? Like they don't want to be on his bad side. How do THEY know? It's like I am on an intercom. I swear to God.

Then, I got home today and noticed all my stuff was gone through and I didn't know why. I noticed one bottle seemed to be missing and then another vitamin bottle was on my dresser and my bags were gone through. My black and white photo of me was turned back around the other way. It wasn't upside down anymore, as I'd left it. I thought maybe police had come through but my other housemate said it was the owner, the original housemate. I don't know what she was looking for but she didn't hide it that things had been gone through. I don't know if she was missing something or what. I do think I had three bottles, all empty, on my dresser, from prescriptions and one was missing. My prescription bottles were in a vase where Alvaro had placed coffee from Colombia. It was like a shrine when he left. Coffee from Colombia, the bar of Ivory soap, and my b/w photo turned upside down. I think I put the bottles there but I don't remember. I do know there were three and now there's two.

I don't know why she would bother to turn my photo up the right way.

The two other things which I don't want to sound paranoid about but which I noticed, was with that number 40 and then 4 too. If it wasn't 13 it was 40 for my life, or 4. Alvaro bought a bunch of apples and put exactly four on the bottom of the car floor. Then, when he left and other housemate was gone, 4 apples were left behind. Now THAT, I know, cannot be guessed about. I know that...It is a coincidence I'm sure. But I notice details and the thing is, people who know me, know that I notice details and get "messages". But maybe they just wanted me to notice all these things and write about it and sound like a schitzo talking about seeing patterns everywhere. What I've been in the middle of though, goes way beyond simple number coincidences.

The other thing pointed out to me specifically, TODAY, by my roommates, was that there were "two very deadly and poisonous spiders" on my hope chest. There had been a flower bouquet there so I asked if they had come from that and they said they didn't know. But there were two different types and both poisonous they said.

That's another thing that's not a big deal, right? It shouldn't be. Two different varieties of DEAD poisonous spiders on my hope chest?

What kind of fucking florist has tons of poisonous spiders in the bouquet? But that is no big deal to me. Seriously. Who cares about spiders and numbers. That's irrelevant. What is NOT irrelevant or imagined is the music shit. That is not normal and I had the Italian guys in D.C. following me and cracking up laughing when they saw I was getting nervous. Then Alvaro is acting like it's a compliment or special notation when all the Mexican music comes on.

And I'm on my fucking government issued laptop in D.C., going to a chatroom and the three people who decide to chat with me, first time in forever, are telling me there is such a thing as "people with power" and I notice they got into the chatroom using some other kind of method and didn't have the same icons as everyone else. That was the last time I went into a chatroom. I was on the house network. Also, on that computer, it already had messages on the fucking laptop. I am not kidding. That sounds weird, but, for example, when you start to click for a search on the computer, for google for example, options pop up in the scroll bar beneath. Well, traditional options are normal. But there were these options that when read, spelled out a paragraph, or there were these really long strings on subject matter that was specific to MY life. Like, the "people with power" gave me the nickname "Lucy" and said it was for "Lucy in the sky with diamonds." Then, I would type up something that had nothing to do with ANY of the vocabulary terms and this would come up anyway.

I don't know. How do I explain this to people who live normal lives and don't believe anyone would be interested in mine or in, who knows, "livening" up either their own or my own life? I don't know.

The spider thing doesn't seem too strange, unless you think how they are different specifically poisonous types and how one of my exes had cobwebs on his elbows. Spiderman and Spiderwoman.

I know too many people in intelligence and/or mafias.

It's really exciting. But it's a lot more fun for those who are in on the whole game and who know if they're on your side or not.

I am listening to jukebox or whatever and hear this Johnny Cash song, "What Have I Become."

I know who I choose if I have a choice. I know who I would meet in secret and who I lust for and who has moved me. Wrong or right, right or wrong?

Prince Charles.

lol ;) just teasing.

No, I don't know. I think I know but I don't know. I know bad things have happened and I don't...Well, actually, now that I think about it...who was trying to set me up?


I don't want to be involved with anymore spies, undercover anybodies, or mafia anyone's.

I just want my son and I will move on to better things, or if you want a fucking revolutionary who is going to come back and wreck havoc, just go ahead and take my son from me.

The problem for you, is that you just don't know which way I'll go, do ya? yeah, cause i'm the fuckin' ORIGINAL LC.


The fuckin' original loose cannon.

Tuck that ass in and run baby.

I'm savin' some for the one who knows what I'm sayin' and maybe he will brave me sometime. No, I'm not going on any frickin' meds.

Think about it. No more imagination? what a dull, dull, world.

Hell With It--Putting Up Info On Chris and Alvaro

I'm done. No one has come forward to help me or my son, and it seems protecting Chris or Alvaro from what I know and what was going on, isn't helping me but only hurts me and my chances with my son.

It's like the whole thing was just a big game. I cannot ignore things they did and said, which stand out more than the sometime good that went with it...

And then I call the Dept. of State guy and he acts fucking oblivious to everything. He and his friends came in, knowing who I was. He told me he worked in Bogota, the same town as Alvaro is supposedly from. And for some crazy reason, Alvaro, the guy all the courthouse people knew and recognized so well, is not being deported.

Not that I want him to be in jail or anything, but it seems odd.

Questioning Alvaro's "Offer"

I haven't called Alvaro at all since I asked him to leave. He left, and he left in a strange way. I ignored his offer to testify that I didn't use substances and other things. I felt it was to get me to accept him in some way which might minimize the bizarre things that were going on which I called into question. I also thought it might be his way of trying to get his two cents into the process to use against me.

But finally, I decided, well, I am not getting back together with him. I didn't want to marry him, and I am not "friends" either. Too many weird things happen, BUT if I could use a testimony which is true, that I am not a substance abuser, it might come in handy.

So I emailed him to say okay, if he wanted to. I cannot trust anything else he does, but I can take a statement that I'm not a drug user and he said he didn't think I needed medication or "treatment" for any mental illness either. His words. But still, everything I said stands. What I wrote stands.

But which part? thats why no one can use my blog for evidence without validating from ME, which parts are fictional, which parts are purposefully misleading, which parts are lies, which parts...ON and on.

For me to even consider anything with him, I'd have to find out he was undercover or something explain all the weird things that were going on. Same thing with Chris.

I think it would be a convenient excuse for the FBI to claim what happened with Garza and Bujanda never happened, and try to paint me as someone who made things up after the relationship was over.

I'm not like that. If I doubt my judgement, it is out of naivity or the desire to give someone the benefit of a doubt and a chance to explain themselves. If they don't have an explanation that adds up, it doesn't add up.

On "Playing Along" From Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, read my first response first. Actually, there are two responses. You do not have the facts. You do not have the evidence either. If you listened to what I told you is going on, which are simple facts, it is clear I have been "cooperating" even after I was railroaded, and instead the state has gone to great lengths to ignore me and stall for purposes of trying to terminate my parental rights. This has been their goal from the beginning. If I did not go straight back to Wenatchee after being defamed by them in Canada, if they were not sure they could nail me to their liking and justify and control the case, they were determined to have my son removed from me. From the first, the Wenatchee medical professionals avoided a medical malpractice claim. If they can't claim I'm delusional and mentally ill to invalidate my testimony for a malpractice claim, they will make sure I lose out on my statutes and that I do not get my son back.

I went straight to D.C. to get a psych eval objectively and the entire time I was there they claimed they couldn't do it, after ignoring all my calls and walk-ins, for 3 months. They didn't want me to get a psych eval by someone they didn't know. They knew they were in trouble and wanted to control the outcome.

If I had gone straight to Wenatchee, Canadian lawyers had already warned me I would likely be thrown into a psych ward against my will. The people in Wenatchee had no other witnesses to testify for me except themselves. They were claiming to know me and to be the experts. I spoke to other lawyers who said if I WAS diagnosed with "schitzophrenia" I would never see my son again. Sorry, but you're wrong about parents being placed with their children after "treatment". Schitzophrenia is not treatable, not enough to keep children safe. Bi-polar is also another one that parents are not easily reuinted with their children because of.

Besides which, I'm neither. If I am, how AMAZING that I somehow had the same pattern of writing lengthy diary entries as I do now? Wow...Schitzophrenia or Bipolar in my pre-teens! Because I happen to write a LOT and have a good imagination and write creatively and with emotion.

Not one person thought I was mentally ill on East Coast. I had to get AWAY from Wenatchee to save the remote chance of being with my son and PROVING I had been damaged and my SON had been damaged in childbirth and the Wenatchee medical professionals' testimony against me or "medical records" were tainted evidence because they were motivated to protect themselves against a very expensive lawsuit.

I NOW have solid evidence which proves I had no injuries before childbirth and that I had very severe and rare injuries after childbirth,, and my son has injuries too.

As for FBI and CIA and collusion or conspiracy, I have never made a broad claim like that. As for whether I've been approached and/or harassed by some who work for these agencies, there is irrefutable evidence. And you have your head up your ass if you think all of the effort that's gone into vandalizing my cars, breaking into my apartments, stealing my medical records from my apartment, stalking me, raping me, and sexually assaulting me, has been a coincidence.

Right. For SOME crazy reason, NONE of these people or incidents are connected in any way. I already have evidence of certain individuals knowing others in other agencies and using color of law to defame me and harass me.

And my computer NOW has a network administrator that is NOT me and which is able to disable and operate the system, for NO reason. I already had a tech look at it who said it's networked and he can't fix it because it's on fade-out, the box you'd have in bold to try to uncheck it. Just like the computer I got from the federal gov. guy who does contract work for the CIA, Steve Blum. That was networked too and a Chinese computer tech saw it all and he couldn't "fix" it.

These are facts, not opinions. It is also a fact that Andy Panda is the one who told me about magnetic pulse and I wasn't paranoid to imagine this up. HE is the one who was saying all this stuff to me, and then I found out, the same pulse which would be used to hack onto a desktop or toys that have batteries, WOULD cause speech problems in a toddler, because it causes the brain circuitry to misfire and specifically, causes memory problems and affects the ability to articulate speech. At the very same time, I quit having my periods. I have not had a normal period since. Last month, I had a period which used up one pad. That was it. My periods continue to taper down to nothing where previously I had had 5 day periods all my life and needed an entire box of products. There is no history of early perimenopause in my family. In fact, all the women have LATE menopause if anything. My hair wasn't growing anymore at that time and I noticed because my leg hair usually grows very fast and it wasn't growing back at all. And something was triggering seizures. My spine and back pain were disproportionate for my injuries at that time and when I did the research, I found out this actually happens with a strong magnetic pulse because different kinds of waves actually penetrate the body differently at diffeernt densities. It affects water, blood, bones, and muscles differently. I was passing blanched flesh from my vagina into the toilet. It wasn't bloody. It was white. It happened in Canada and was witnessed by a nurse who thought I was miscarrying but there was no blood. She thought it was odd and kept asking. I had not had sex with anyone since I became pregnant with my son. Miscarriage was impossible.


Then I have people trying to keep me from getting diagnostics for hormone levels, and that was in D.C. I witnessed, along with the staff, abnormal and numerous equipment problems while I was pregnant with twins. How I ended up with twins is another mystery because having one in the ovary is exceedingly rare and usually occurs with fertility drugs. And then I have people trying to keep me from getting hormone levels checked? and refusing to even do simple blood disorder diagnostics?

Then there's the MRI which allegedly showed "nothing"--no injuries of any kind. I countered that with a laugh, saying I must have been miraculously healed because I had x-rays to prove I injuries. Then I get another MRI which DOES show injuries.

I had to fight tooth and nail for treatment for the miscarriage complications. I was in labor for 2 months with my body hemmorhaging and having contractions. Yeah, that whole thing, until my surgery, took up FIVE MONTHS of my life but CPS's brighter than a sunbeam Michelle Erickson wants to claim I am purposefully stalling.

WHAT THE HELL WOULD I BE STALLING FOR? I asekd for a psych eval immediately upon arrival in D.C. That was a HALF YEAR AGO.

As for you, I wanted to be gentle and kind with you. But you cross the line when you stick your neck out, onto my fucking guillotine and start sassing off about how I'm so paranoid and nothing abnormal has been going on.

I am not afraid of being evaluated by anyone who objective and competent. I was once again, trying to get an evaluation from a woman in MD, who AGREED I could tape record everything. So there was a form of accountability for HER involved. Sounded fair. Fair is fair and usually the client is doing most of the talking anyway. It keeps the record STRAIGHT. SHE is the one who changed her tune and backed out last minute. Not me. It would seem that I am not the one who is "afraid" but that these

state-paid psychologists and CPS and state workers are the ones who are fucking "afraid". CPS in D.C. AND Wenatchee, ignored my calls and messages and VM for 3 months. Do you GET that? If they're so interested in my getting a psych eval, you'd think they would jump on that, wouldn't you? my ready willingness?

Let me put it to you this way:

If I had stayed in Wenatchee, I never would have had a medical malpractice lawsuit. I couldn't get the diagnostics I needed to prove everything. I would have been diagnosed as mentally ill and severely so, and had nothing to refute it with, which would back up my ability to make judgements about my body and pain levels. I would have also been tagged as drug seeking because the docs said I didn't really suffer.


I could have left Wenatchee temporarily, which I did, and even though I lost out on my statute for a malpractice claim, I obtained evidence that PROVED I DID have the injuries I've claimed to have all along. Which puts the testimonies and "claims" by Wenatchee medical professionals, into very serious question. It's serious. Period.


Anonymous said...

Are you afraid you might be labeled if you have an evaluation? Are you scared they will just use that as further evidence to take your son away? While it may seem that way, the opposite is likely true. If for some reason you are diagnosed with something, you’d only have to “play along” with treatment for a few months while you work your case through the courts. The court doesn’t have unlimited time, so you’d only have to play by the system’s rules for a few months at the most. Is your son not worth a few sacrifices?
The courts aren’t afraid of diagnoses like “paranoid schizophrenia” or “bi-polar” or any other major psychological disorder because there are MANY people with major psychological disorders. They’d have to lock us all up if having a disorder was such a bad thing. The court isn’t looking for the disorder so much as they are looking to see if you can be stable (in their opinion) by attending therapy sessions and taking medication if that is recommended by a shrink. If you can prove to them that you are stable, they will be much more willing to not only give you increased visitation, but they will advocate for you and help you with other social services such as rent assistance, job training, etc.
Having followed a few cases through the courts, not least of all my own, I can see with great clarity the path you are headed down right now. I don’t need to “know” you in detail, I know the courts well enough to make a fairly accurate prediction. As far as the court and social service agents are concerned, you are uncooperative, likely mentally ill, and doing everything you can to defame them and fight the system. They hold the power and they will use it. If you don’t find a way to play along somehow and change their perception, you will lose. I’ve been in a similar situation with the courts and it was not fun. I even had a high paid attorney, and things initially worked against me. Looking back on it, it took very little effort to satisfy their demands.
You have nothing to lose by just trying to play their way. There is no vast conspiracy going after you. They simply don’t have the time or money for that. The courts and social service agencies work with literally hundreds of thousands of people each year. They don’t have the time or resources to try to frame you, get people to spy on you, intercept your mail, use radio waves to hack into your computer, or any of the other things you’ve alleged. Your writings show that you are an especially intelligent person, but when it comes to the subject of FBI/CIA/social services/court conspiracy, you really make yourself look stupid. Those agencies are so amazingly understaffed and underfunded that they don’t have the resources to do their job half the time. There are stories about that in the news almost continually. To think they are going after you in some sort of organized conspiracy is just silly, and your musings about it just make you look dumb. The one exception to what I’ve said is when it comes to your son. There is a conspiracy of sorts to keep your son away from harm. Right now, they view you as harmful, and it’s up to you to change their view. By all appearances, you could choose to work with the system and start being a bigger part of your son’s life.
I hope for your sake that you are able to find a way to work with the system. If you don’t, you will lose more and more rights. Your son deserves to have you in his life. What you do will determine his future, so PLEASE stop fighting and find a way to play along for his sake!

In Response To Comments By Anonymous

I wanted to add,

I really apologize if you feel I took my anger out on you in any way. I am pissed, but I hope you know it's nothing to do with you. I think it is so kind of you to take the time out of your life to try to help and I DO believe there are people like you who want to help. I think the problem is that I know more about the legal system than most, as I've studied law on my own, and conversed with lawyers and have experienced firsthand how the theory is different from practice.

There are some very good laws, but no one to enforce them. Then there are policies which make it more difficult. And finally, there is a lot of greed.

For example, I SHOULD be able to get free legal services or help from these agencies you've mentioned and listed. However, what people don't realize, is that I have called all of these agencies. I was calling these organizations from the very beginning, and not one person would take me on or help. One excuse after the other. I only got "assistance" when my son was already taken from me and I was appointed a PD. That was after my own FAMILY backed out on a promise to pay for a private attorney. I didn't "stall" and wasn't trying to buy time. My family did this to me without notice and it was not my fault. I wasn't buying time to prepare a defense for myself either, because I was too traumatized by the state's removal of my son. I was most worried about my SON and what I knew he was going through. It was an enormous shock and devastation to him during his most formative years. Not only that, my son wasn't in daycare. He was with me FT and though we visited others all the time and had excursions, we were extremely close and connected. I had others comment on our connection as well. He was an exceedingly happy little boy. But during this time and now, I need a PD, and all I got was lousy half-ass so-called lawyers who tried to close me in with the circle of wagons in a small town they cannot survive without. These people here, can't make it anywhere else. They get away with 10x more than they would anywhere else. They were pulling eachother's hair, sucking eachother's lollipops, and rallying against the other town teams, since infancy and it's 4 generations deep. Then they grew up. They went away to college perhaps, but as the saying here goes: "they always come back". As adults they continue their allegiance & alliances as The Swingers of Town Hall.

So yes, Colombia Legal Services and every other legal service I've called, has a motto, a mission, and a creed to serve the poor. But it's a selective service and they only take the easy cases which won't require much work, so they can keep getting their non-profit status and nods in the right direction. And they don't take cases on behalf of the poor whom they don't like or whom they are possibly afraid of, for accountability reasons.

I have not just called the local legal agencies. I called agencies out of the area, but still in Washington and it's permissable for a lawyer, if they want to, to represent someone from out of the area, even as a PD. It's rare, but it's possible. I called them all more than once too.

I have asked Judge Hotchkiss, repeatedly, for a PD. I went to the courthouse in person three weeks ago and asked for a PD. His clerk Jo came back to tell me the Judge said no. He told his clerk to tell ME that I had to wait until this next hearing, which is tomorrow, to even REQUEST one again.

I requested a PD at the last hearing and I was denied a PD. No good reason was given.

I am now going to another hearing where I've been screwed over and need a PD to put the right documents into the record, but I go alone, because of...

Judge Hotchkiss

Real nice, law-abiding guy. Sorry. But really, should I lie and say he's great or that he's not corrupt? How would that benefit me and my son? Would I really get my son back if I flattered the Judge who knows already that he's corrupt and made illegal decisions?

The thing is, I DON'T play by their "rules" which are not even rules at all. To these people, it is more important to gain position and favors and recognition and have flattery heaped on them, than it is to exact fair and just decisions. What is Judge Hotchkiss getting out of this?

I can tell you how he and his former law partner have scratched eachother's backs more than once, in more than one way. I wonder too, where Hotchkiss gets his medical care? Or who he knows that works for the state and for the hospital and clinics?

My Oath To Myself, To Oliver, And To The Oppressed

I swear on the life of my own son, if I lose my son, and this country stands by after what has been done to us, and does nothing...If I lose my son, I am emigrating to another country. I am not just emigrating to another country to get lost either.

I swear on MY own life, I will work for another country, that knows exactly what's been done and believes me, and will be able to help prove I needed political asylum all along. And when I come back, because I WILL come back for my son, or my son will go to ME, I will come back to make sure Justice is done.

I will take back every single year I've lost and the U.S. individuals involved in trying to bring me down, will wish they had just cooperated and given me my son. People have spent a lot of time pushing, pushing, hoping I will break or that I will give up. What they have discovered, is that they have wasted a LOT of time, energy, and money on me when they could have backed down a long time ago and just sucked it up and handled the truth with dignity.

I am sure this doesn't frighten anyone and is cause for a good laugh. But I do believe in God and that God is on my side and the side of my son and that if this happens, there is something even greater in store. Sometimes God allows a situation to go so out of control or a person to be so broken down, that when the time comes for a miracle, the strength in the reversal is even greater and more astounding.

I do believe there is going to be a Reversal of Fortune.

I feel it and I know it, that God will honor my attempts to fight for people who have been beaten down, or vulnerable, and to raise my voice in courage even if I'm alone, and I know that should anyone take my son from me, God will avenge me.

Progress isn't made and new paths are not forged and the old road isn't broken in, without a struggle. The system is broken. People and government workers are corrupt. I could have gone along and allowed them to sign me off as mentally ill or shut my mouth to begin with, or I could have taken the longer road to ensure I obtained evidence I need. I could have kept my mouth shut to begin with. It would have made my life easier. But it wouldn't have made the world a better place.

Sometimes, you have to stir up the crud at the bottom of the pond, to get to the gold. Sometimes things get dirtier before they're cleaned up.

I have experienced more corruption, in my short life, than many will ever see, but because I learned it personally, I am a believer. I am a believer in others who say they never got a good public defense, and that they had enemies who wanted them in jail. I am a believer in the cruelty of humans, the possible sadism that feeds itself, and the ignorance and complacency of the masses who have no idea and just take what they're given, spoon fed. I am a witness of group think and political pressure. I am a witness of immorality and moral cowardice.

What has happened to me has not gone without documentation. What I stand up against ends up reflecting off of me. I end up being a mirror of the corruption of specific individuals and the failures and inadequacies of the system.

I'm not wasting my time in the U.S. trying to beat the swords into plowshares when I've been stabbed in the back too many times. I will make the bad who are in U.S. government wish they'd never messed with me, and the good will wish they had done something to hold corrupt individuals responsible to begin with.

My Response To New Comment About Wenatchee Justice System

Anonymous said...
I’ve been reading your blog now for almost a year. While much of what you write is interesting and keeps me reading, it’s painful to read about your battle to regain your son. It’s painful because it would be so easy for you to get more access to your son, yet you seem to do everything you can to make the situation worse.
Having had some experience with the social service and court system in Washington State (a few years back), I can tell you a few things about it. First, the courts are under no obligation, by the state or federal constitution, to appoint a lawyer for you in a civil case (child custody cases are civil cases). You are not a defendant – only defendants get a lawyer. The only exception would be if they were to consider you mentally ill enough to appoint you a guardian. A bit of searching and a call led me to a non-profit legal service that does cater to people in need of low cost legal services. Their fees are based upon need and income, meaning you would likely pay nothing to obtain legal help from them. It’s called Columbia Legal Services. Their website is and the phone number for the office there is (509) 662-9681.
Second, the court can and will require that you undergo a psychological evaluation to regain more custody of your son. I’ve had an evaluation myself. It’s nothing to be afraid of. They will provide you a list of professionals that you can see. None are on the state payroll. They are just counselors that accept work the state sends them in addition to their normal caseload. With rare exceptions, all shrinks these days are about the same. Though they may not get every detail right, they will get the overall picture correct. This is your chance to prove to the court that you are okay. All you have to do is play their game for a little bit. You will likely be rewarded as the judge and others start to realize your desire to get your son back. Actions often speak much louder than words in court. If you show that you are willing to jump through a hoop or two, they will see that you are truly motivated and will start to work for you instead of against you.

...more next post...

I have to paste my response here because it was too long for a "comment". I'll add the original comment ahead of this in just a minute:

Thank you so much for all of the time and thought you put into this post. It is really heartfelt and I know what you're saying. But I don't know whether there is even any point to my response anymore. If you've been reading my blog for a YEAR, after all the outlines I've made of WHAT was done wrong and after I've detailed all of the very specific VIOLATIONS of rules of civil procedure, I feel you should have a different opinion.

1. Public defenders ARE a "right" under Washington state law, for dependency cases. They are not a right for normal custody, but where the state is the party and has removed children, they are a right. A right. And not only that, it goes further than that. It is not good enough to have so-so defense. The law in Washington states there must be a "reasonable" defense and that this is also a RIGHT. What does "reasonable" mean? Under Washington law, the interpretation of this law is that reasonable is, in practical terms, 1. researching various possible DEFENSES. that's just one requirement. Another would be obtaining and filing relevant EVIDENCE into the court record.

In my case, I can prove my PDs did neither of these things. They didn't listen to ME and believed the doctors instead. The whole case was decided on the basis of doctors trying to avoid malpractice claims which I was trying to bring. The Drs. told CPS I was delusional to think I had any injuries or that my son did and they said I was 'drug seeking' when I wasn''t and I was seriously injured and NEEDED painkillers for injuries they were claiming I didn't even have.
Not only that, I went in because I was having seizures and I have a past of this and the doctors refused to do diagnostics, instead choosing to ASSUME there was no problem. Just like they assumed I didn't have migraines at all, when I had had them for over 10 years and had been diagnosed by two different neurologists. I didn't pick those neurologists out and didn't know them at all.

I also had TWO different mental health professionals evaluate me and say there was nothing wrong with me. but neither PD put this into the record. In fact, one PD received a letter from a DOCTOR, from me, which stated I needed change of venue because of INJURIES FROM CHILDBIRTH and my PD, Paul Cassel, did not put this into the record. He didn't bother to obtain other evidence I told him was available either.

Then, I had the JUDGE decide, at the last minute, on the DAY of a hearing, that I had to be PRO SE. I had been sending emails to the Judge and the last PD, for a MONTH, asking for a new appointment. The Judge, if he had planned to refuse me a PD, had an entire MONTH to let me know in advance that if I didn't take the PD who wasn't doing his job I had to be pro se. But for a MONTH, the JUDGE and the PD ignored my repeated emails asking if who my new PD was and could I be appointed a new one prior to trial. They ignored all the email. I wasn't told I was going to be thrust out to be PRO SE with ZERO notice. But that's what the Judge Hotchkiss did and it's flatly illegal.

These guys purposefully left me in the dark until the hearing began and then Hotchkiss told me (Hotchkiss and Cassel were former law partners for the same small town firm before Hotchkiss became a judge by-the-way), anyway, Hotchkiss told me I had to be PRO SE on the spot. I had already fired my second PD, who emailed me HERSELF to announce she had a conflict of interest and couldn't represent me. I wanted to know what the conflict was and she wouldn't tell me. So AFTER this woman obtained all of my medical records, I found out through research, she had just left the FIRM THAT REPRESENTS THE HOSPITAL which would have been party to any lawsuit I brought out for medical malpractic for me and my son. I found this out and knew she had known who I was all along and was just using the 'PD' as an excuse to obtain medical records her pals at her still close law firm could be apprised of.

So I had every reason to NOT want her involved in my case and besides that, she also didn't even bother to contact me after her appointment to my case, until 2 weeks before the next hearing.

When I said I was telling the Bar, she suddenly claimed there was no "conflict of interest" afterall.

I had every reason to request a new PD and Judge Hotchkiss and his beer buddies knew it too.

So instead of giving me 30 days to prepare for my own defense at a time when I was still having medical problems (phsyical AND stress related bc of the forced traumatic separation of my son from me), he told me on the spot, that I was to go Pro Se. I objected and then the Judge hung up on me. I called back and politely asked if I could be readmitted to the hearing to defend myself and the juddge emailed the court clerk who read what he sent to her, "The hearing is proceeding without her."

So that hearing was the first important hearing, and I had these assholes purposefully preventing me from getting evidence into the record that proved me right. There was other evidence that could have been obtained as well.

Don't tell ME, that my "recourse" is through fucking Judge Hotchkiss, who didn't even apologize or correct himself or give me a new opportunity. He just railroaded through. And all the while, they were ALL SAYING I am MENTALLY ILL.

If I'm too mentally ill to take care of my child, you would certaintly think I'm too mentally ill to be my own attorney.

But no, they turn and twist it however they want. And some of it cannot even be twisted, it's just glaring violations of law.

I have grounds for New Trial but I can't do this myself. And then I have people like you, who well meaning though you may be, don't FUCKING PICK UP ON THE FINE PRINT.

I am so SICK of people telling me to jump through hoops that are not even hoops to begin with. These fuckers--all of them, didn't hold out "hoops" for me to jump through. They put out fucking bear traps and dug pits and threw nets and then asked me to fly, when I had the wings to begin with, but couldn't get out from under the fucking net.

I'm sorry, but the people who need mental health evaluations are Judge Hotchkiss, Paul Cassel, Jeannette Wellbaum, Michelle Erickson, and a few others. These people, if they are not mentally ill or below average intelligence, are corrupt.

And even after they did all this, I still tried to do what they asked and I was prevented from doing so at every turn.

I even tried to get a psych eval and for a MONTH I was ready to fly over but I emailed her at the very start and asked if I could tape record my sessions with her. My going with HER, was contingent on being able to tape record and she KNEW this and AGREED. Then, I was ready to nail down the dates, and fly over, and she suddenly writes and says she's CHANGED HER MIND about allowing me free access to my records and tells me she is NOW going to ask me to sign a confidentility statement to not release any of my own fucking medical records online or to the public. I have, as every citizen does, a legal RIGHT to disseminate medical records as I desire. I have had so many people misquote me, make up stories, and lie about me, that I made certain I could record the sessions so if something funny came up on her end or she wrote down I said something I didn't say, or made a judgement call that was out of order, I could release that information out to the public for my own protection, and proof I had not been fairly evaluated.

The thing is, this psych knew I had a blog and she knew my name. I even provided her with my blog address. She had plenty of time to back out on what she agreed to at the start but she didn't. She chose to screw me over by claiming, at the last minute, once again, I sign a gag order. Then Michelle Erickson tries to BLAME ME, along with their AG, who tries to claim I am the one STALLING.

If I had had notice, sufficient notice that this was their argument, I could have defended agianst it and spent time on getting all my evidence of email communications with that psych. But once again, the STATE didn't mail their "amendments" and new comments until...when? I was told by Michelle Erickson it was just LAST FRIDAY. There was a 3 day weekend since last friday, and then there's today, Tuesday, and tomorrow is the hearing.

that is not sufficient notice but I don't even have time to argue this out.

Why do I spent time on other stuff on my blog? For one thing, because over the whole fucking weekend, I didn't even know what the AG was trying to say now. So I put up other stuff which basically shows when I was being slandered by a law firm in Oregon and a newspaper, it wasn't even possible that I was the type of individual I was defamed as being. I was defamed and I can prove that too.

But since I don't have money which isnt even my fault because I've been in so many car accidents and had so many injuries, I have never been able to make the system work for me.

Guess how it works?

Money. Money, bribes, and everything that goes along with the excess and corruption brewed by shallow character and I think, plutocracy.

Any questions class?

If you do have questions, go back and read from Year 2007 to Year 2009 on the blog and after you've done your homework and checked what I've said out, to see if it's true, tell ME
to start cooperating with the state.

The state needs to be fucking hung upside down to dry out.