Invisibility Preferred These Days

I left the house and a TON of people in cars were going by and I don't know, everyone was STARING at me. It was NOT normal traffic. And I stepped out in a wrinkled blue oxford shirt and casual, not looking so great, I don't really think. I had my sunglasses on and I still couldn't feel incognito enough.

A couple of people made overt middle finger signs at me, and others were just laughing or smiling, and I don't know if it was with me or at me, but I felt very uncomfortable.

I might write about wanting limelight, but no. I am more like Jodie Foster in "The Brave One" where she says she'd rather be a voice than a figure. I can reveal anything to anyone, and actually, I don't even mind putting up a little leg, it's not that bad, because I'm not surrounded by people. But I don't like large amounts of attention especially when I'm walking someplace alone. It feels odd.

It's one thing to go to a party with people and be noticed, but even if I'm dancing, I like to squeeze into the center where I'm not visible on the outside edge. I would rather disappear.

How does one reconcile this with acting? I don't know. Acting is spotlight for a purpose is how it's different. It's not for a short time and you do your thing and half the time you can't even see the people with the light in your eyes.

I am trying to think...WHAT did I write this time, that is such a big deal?! I mean, what I've written isn't really that important is it? It's really silly stuff, and over-dramatic, most of it. I guess the part about the Thebaults? But I don't have hard feelings towards them actually. I wrote what I saw and observed, but I honestly liked Lisa and Brian and the kids...I didn't sign a confidentiality statement to work with them. I didn't write any of the really personal stuff I could have--personal things they shared. I wrote more about the lifestyle and it's true I thought they were unfair to Maritza, but a LOT of people are like that, esp. on the East Coast. That's why I thought it was a good idea to do something about immigration laws so there is a Guest Worker thing to protect the employees, more than anything, so they're not working under pressure of being deported.