Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Cytotec & Doctors Didn't Want Me to See Ultrasound from George Washington Hospital

I'm starting to wonder now, why PGE gave me Cytotec when I had already expelled the fetus from the miscarriage.

They knew the fetus came out whole and looked fine, and yet afterwards, they did an ultrasound and then decided to give me Cytotec.

Cytotec, I'm reading, causes abortion. If the ectopic pregnancy was still living when the other one had miscarried, it probably was killed by Cytotec.

Right? or, if it's in the ovaries, would it be protected from Cytotec?

I have so many questions. I got a copy of the Ultrasound done at George Washington Hospital.

They took a TON of photos but left only a few on the disc. I don't know why they'd eliminate so many of the photos. It was an investigative ultrasound that took over a half hour and it was very extensive and tons of photos were taken. When I got a copy of the disc, only 5 or 6 views or photos had been saved.

I TOLD the doctors I wanted to see the radiology photos from this ultrasound myself, right after they were taken. I told all of those doctors there, that I'd like to look. They said maybe later they'd show me. Then they didn't want me to see them. Then, they said the radiology department was closed.

So, I was told to ask for records from medical records. I went out of ER and found out where radiology was. It was all locked up. So I meandered until someone came out or was going in, and I said someone was there to show me photos of the sonogram. I said she was expecting me. They told me she was busy right then but I talked for awhile and finally they let me in and decided to pull up the record for me right then and there.

I was able to persuade the radiologists to show me the photos from my songram, after taking an interest in their lives and talking with them a bit. They showed me everything, but all the photos were gone, except a few. It went from about 40 or more photos to 5 or 6. They also made a copy for me then and there and I didn't have to sign any papers.

I got what I wanted, but I never should have told the doctors I wanted to see the radiology results. For whatever reason, they didn't want ME to see any of the photos, and then more than 3/4 of the photos were missing when I saw the CD myself.

It's hard to read sonograms. MRI and X-rays are much, much, easier to interpret. Both I and the radiologist who was a professional (but in MRI not sonogram) could barely make out what it was supposed to be.

The other thing I'm wondering about, is why, when they were using forceps to take out more of the 'products', they didn't want me to see it, and kept asking me if the fetus had come out whole. Was anyone finding other "parts" aside from the intact fetus that I saw? If so, it wouldn't be coming from the ovary I wouldn't think, becaue the ovary would have burst or something.

PGE Wanted to Give Me Antibiotics

Real quick, note. PGE at one point, discussed giving me an IV of antibiotics. Then they never brought it up again.

They said this after getting a urine sample from me.

I sort of wonder if I had a kidney infection again, along with everything else, that contributed to my back pain.

When I went into ER at INOVA, and then later at PGE, neither one checked my urine. Well, no, I take that back. INOVA checked it the first time and did say it was normal and there was no infection.

Hmmm. So why would PGE want to use antibiotics? Did they see the other fetus was still alive? Was there an infection inside of me that they noticed which I couldn't see?

I'm wondering too, if there was an ectopic and now it is dead, perhaps the Methergine is for controlling hemmorhage and then the HCG check is just to be sure it's dead and going away on its own. I don't know.

I am so confused. I just can't stop thinking about it, now that I have this weird twin idea in my head.

I am really having cramps badly still. And back pain too, on the left side. Sort of inside.

Now, I'm reading Cytotec is given to women to START and CAUSE abortion. I had already expelled my fetus when the doctors at PGE gave me Cytotec...


shaking out a white sheet, a man
standing in an almost empty room
walls eggshell or damask blue
a hand held out an empty robin's egg
turn this on a dime
the clock spinning on the bureau
no one is looking, get it, no one is looking
black birds rise on the left and right
cannons exploding into song
flittering bits of ash and motherboard
lift the ladle honey falling in a thin line
bringing windowpanes of sun down in a spiral prism
toast and butter
reach into the corpse and pull out the string
tap the fortune cookie on the rim
magnetic poetry from the fridge picked off
pasted onto a board with a face
coffee or tea
slender fingers of a woman
touch the pot, knowing it is hot
springing up from the ground like needles
punching through the cloth
daisies and arrowroot
sprinkle of cinnamon sparkle of light
glimmering from the lid honey
stuck to the jar
stuck to the cupboard
licking the knife when no one can see
stuck in the car-board
head on a kite, pulling the timid into the wind
to see me fly, sinking into bubbles at night
candles surrounding
crumbs on the counter
children wipe honey from the rim when no one
can see
mother in the bath, father on the train,
hedge still taller than we were then
free to cry when he got the bigger half
map on a wall now
i am at its feet
holding both ends of the puppet string
holding both sides, rope for the swing
holding the line, hand left and right
going underwater
using the rings, rolling forward
a gymnast rolling up the cord
tied at the feet, with my own hands
a knot, a twist, a suture and conceit
a paintbrush in her hair
undone by you outdone by
invisible sun, blinding gun
stop the reason
shield my eyes
blanks hits and mistresses
cut through with rope from a swing
words slicing bread, renewing desire
her back you remember
you remember the skin of her back
rising into tomorrow
bringing you to your knees
get back up
we know how to get back onto our feet
we all do it so well
even after stumbling through a doorway
hitting our heads on the sign on the wall
pull at the skin on your lip
lower lip
sigh and wonder what is in the mail
so much junk
fight the fat
fat letter from the lawyer
time to diet
pass on the rolls and the pastry
sit around and twirl your hair
stare at the phone
refuse to call
for pizza
round circles of blue paint, sappho
midnight and gogh, with a fist
punch stamp stars
kick at the canvas, tear at the hole
make a mousetrap
a hatch, an escape
into the darkness through the tunnel
of light
frayed like shoelaces and shaking
like bones, pulling out the threads
stained through
your attic, terrace, and lucy wardrobe
part the tapestry
use a needle to etch your name
oils and acrylics insane
asylum from the canned tuna, canned quotations
come to dinner with sapphire blue in
your hair, charcoal black on your cheek
kiss me when the room is spinning
when the lipstick mark is mete
i will bleed you
street to street, but no one will know
shhhh! that it was me
too late for then, for now, or apology
know i still the way to
keep a secret when i am speaking and
spilling the news like turpentine
on an old dried painting
revealing truth beneath
hate me so dearly, i love how he hates me
wants to be haughty and nearly died loving me
hate me with that mean butter knife
the motorcycle broad
hate me with the tongue in cheek
pointed thus, with a nod
so naughty poisoned and manipulate this snake
i love how he hates me, surpassing my fame
indignity rises like a fanned gasoline flame
laugh mock and merc me
tertiary game
stick me like a voodoo doll
blame blame blame
hate me so dearly, i love how he hates me
wants to be haughty and nearly died loving me
hate me! i say! with that mean butter knife
take me, or try, as i pin your wrists to the door
for all that time
spated energy and crime
i learned something from you
and yet you still cannot write
it will be a war between butter knives
a gang of kryptonite punks and thieves
earrings in their brow
colors on their sleeves
blowjob michelle needs another ode in her honor, but i'm uninspired (can't you tell) and tired tonight. goodnight. ahhhh...can't sleep. roommate just came home and started laughing, joking around with me. i didn't know it was 2:30! i slept a lot during the day today...for many hours so i'm a nightowl tonight. really uninspired though. no drugs of course, maybe that's why. just kidding. when i'm inspired, i don't need anything to write well. it just flows. this hasn't been flowing very well except the first one came easily. i could see it.
i know what it is to fall
to be crushed like an autumn leaf
love to reason, or need a reason to love
silly, silly, me
but love you zipped unzipped with without
don't have to know why
don't have to know right from wrong or good from bad
to make me cry to punish me was wrong
yet still i can love and lust
thinking of...
and moving on
they will know where to find me
if rending saves me
if changes bring new meaning
hope springs eternal
mortality gives me ground

Found My ID and Country of Refuge: My New Year's Wish

Oh, and although my driver's license was stolen and I have been without any ID, I recently found a copy of both my birth certificate and a copy of a license that is not expired.

I have photo ID for getting a passport anytime I want. And I can now take ID to the embassies who asked for more information from me.

I'm still planning on visiting those embassies again.

I am asking whether they can help and assist me at all, while I am here in the U.S., to help me finance getting my son back and holding those responsible, accountable, and then, in return, offering my services to their country.

I would serve in their military even, if any country would offer to give practical and financial assistance for getting my son back.

I will give my loyalty to the country that proves they have an interest and if some country is so willing as to give me and my son a chance, I will repay them over and over and over again.

I will give up any claim to U.S. citizenship, as I've not even been treated with the rights supposedly afforded a citizen, if another country will step in to help me and my son.

I will sell books from this country, sing and make money doing music, and I will even serve in their military if required, to have a chance to a fair trial to prove how I've been railroaded in my own country.

I want to stay here, only to prove I'm right and get my son OUT.

My wish for the New Year, is for someone to help me and my son and give me a fair chance to defend myself. This is my wish and I pray that God has directed the right person or people, to read this and want to respond to this wish.

Just watched Madonna's "Beautiful Stranger". Funny intro: I've been listening to Michael Jackson and Madonna. Started out with "Who's That Girl" and then found this one, which I've not heard before.

This one just makes me cry: Madonna's version of "American Pie":
I wish this country had panned out differently. I feel the most sorrow and loss, over what I've seen happen to me and my son in America. I am still not through the greiving process. I am so sorry and sad for the state of this country and for what has happened to me and my son and how no one, in this entire country, after all my attempts, has done anything to correct obvious wrongs. They are so bold now, they do it in the open, with no fear of being corrected or held accountable. When corruption no longer has to hide its face and instead, parades about in confidence, this is a sign of the beginning of the end of a great country.

Wow. This one made me cry: "Die Another Day" by Madonna. I really like the video but it makes me cry. I can relate:
I want to know what the writing is, in Hebrew, on the electric chair at the end. I don't know what it means. I just found out the meaning: it is "Lamed-Alef-Vav" which is translated as "Shall not do" or "not" as in "it's not my time to go" and expresses certainty and lack of doubt. I'm not into tatoos, but if I were, I'd get something like that.

I like Madonna's "Hey You" too. This is a good one, a sad one, about the climate:
I don't know why this is turning into a music post. But music is important and reaches out where and when words fail. That is what I love about music--it's universal. It crosses every boundary and barrier.

I've never heard "Angel" before, liked it, and now "Physical Attraction". Wow. Look at that guy in his shorts swiveling his hips. ahha.

Well, this is turning into a long music post. Listened to "Pretender" which I've not heard. It was so strange, because I was hearing this song, and I suddenly felt the presence of someone I used to know, not anyone people would know from posts, but he was right behind me, close, like something out of "ghost". Very strange presence sensation, and he's alive, and no, I don't believe in ghosts, but had this very strong feeling he was right here. So weird. listening to "shoo bee doo" and never heard it. I'm going to have to find out about whether there is a heartbeat for this ectopic pregnancy or not. If there's not, I'll take the Methergine, and figure out what to do from here. I have to know the truth though. I need to know, for my own peace of mind. "You Thrill Me" it. love you madonna. discovered you too late in life as well. glad you're still making music. so underappreciated as a "business woman" and yet look at the creativity. like this one a lot too...lots..."skin--Fear Me" by madonna. "do i know you from somewhere?" so weird, I started writing a second image and this song "liquid love" comes on by madonna. i'm not done writing this image yet. really like "nobody knows me" by m. done with the image but not satisfied with it, doesn't feel inspired. i like "get together" too.

time goes by so slowly, like it. watching a lot of madonna concert coverage now
and will go back to videos.

Cytotec & Lawsuit Decision

It appears that if the ectopic pregnancy was not killed through the MRI, it was probably killed by the Cytotec I was made to take. I was told to take 4 pills all at once.

If there is still a living fetus, it would seem a miracle, and I was told it looks ectopic, but I never heard anything about a heartbeat. You'd think they'd tell me if there was a heartbeat.

I really have no idea what is going on. There is this huge New Years party going on upstairs and I'm just content to have a quiet night at home. I don't feel like going to any parties. I just want to do research, contemplate some things, and figure out what motions I'm writing, whether to file lawsuit in federal court about the dependency case, and what to do next.

I am not depressed either. I'm a little tired, but not depressed at all.

I found out all my radiology records were never obtained by the hospital that claimed they were getting the records. I called them several times and they have nothing even though I filled out a release a month ago. I still do not have the CDs Douglas county promised to mail me either.

Everyone has been withholding all evidence from me, which I could use to prove my injuries and motives of Wenatchee professionals for taking my son under false pretenses. I have people trying to force me to Wenathcee to get railroaded and lose my son, or at least give them the satisfaction of getting a diagnosis they want to clear THEM, or losing my son altogether as I wait for the proper diagnostics and evidence.

I have people just deliberately withholding crucial evidence from me, which I would need to take even for a psych eval, to show the psychologist how the other parties have lied and what their motives are.

I think I have to file a lawsuit. I have no other choice.

I still don't have my case file from Jeanne Wellbaum either. I've never received it.

Spots On Leg After Blood Transfusion

For the record, after I had the blood transfusions at Prince George's Hospital, I developed about 6 spots on only my left leg. They were little burst blood vessel spots and slightly raised.

First they were red and raised like bug bites, and were firm to the touch, about a dime in diameter, and raised, and noted by the nurses at PGH. They knew they were not there before the blood transfusion.

All of the spots were on my left leg, from mid-thigh to my knee, front and back.

By the time I went to George Washington Hospital, and showed them the spots, they were no longer raised but there was one more, and if you looked closely, you could see the blood vessels behind the spots. They are like little burst blood vessel spots. The doctor at George Washington Hospital looked concerned and asked me if they itched. They do not.

Most of them are close to my knee on the left leg, in the front, well, between the knee and lower thigh, and on the side.

Methergine and Ergotamine IV for Migraine after EMF Exposure

According to the literature on Methergine, a function of methergine is to constrict the blood vessels which have been expanded in hemmorhage for whatever reason.

What I found interesting, tonight, is the discovery that Methergine is an ergot compound, similar to the ergotamine I received in an IV, in Canada, following exposure to magnetic pulse for an extended period of time.

I had wondered, why the ergotamine mixtures had such a serious impact on my internal organs and stomach lining. It felt as though my stomach were on chemical fire, and then I passed blanced body tissue into the toilet afterward. I had been experiencing, along with my son, extreme abdominal pain while we were at this location and in Wenatchee.

So I researched ergot compounds and what they do.

Then, I got information about how magnetic pulse would destroy certain parts of the blood which help to clot. I asked the Prince George's Hospital to check my blood for clotting disorder, which is an easy and simple test, and they refused. It is not even an expensive test to do.

However, if my blood and uterine lining have been affected by exposure to EMF, as I claim is true, something like Methergine would have a similar effect to my stomach lining and blood vessels, as the ergotamine mixture would have had, when I took it after EMF exposure for migraine.

It basically constricts blood vessels that are abnormally open and would help to make up for clotting problems with the blood flow stopping on its own. If there are problems with platelets and vessels that have been overexposed to EMF, or problems with a uterine and stomach lining because of EMF exposure, an ergot compound, such as the ergotamine IV I had, or an ergot compound like Methergine, would alleviate problems created by EMF exposure.

I don't know what point I'm trying to make, because I really don't have one. I'm just making some connections and learning about the effects of ergot compounds and how it has affected my body in the past. I am just writing about this, as notes for my own use later, when I make new discoveries.

"Questions" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band

I found at least one song, about having to answer all of your own questions. If I find more, I'll post them here. If anyone has any ideas of other songs, I'll add them as well:


In a dream it would seem I went to those who close the open door Turning the key I sat and spoke to those inside of me They answered my questions with questions And pointed me into the night Where the moon was a star painted dancer And the world was just a spectrum of light They reached to my centre of reason And pulled on the touchstone that's there The shock of that light has me reeling And I fell into the depths of despair They answered my questions with questions And set me to stand on the brink Where the sun and the moon were as brothers And all that was left was to think They answered my questions with questions And pointed me into the night The power that bore me had left me alone To figure out which way was right

Magnetic Pulse and Ovarian Problems & Hemmorhage


From Paragraph 11.197:
" the great majority of cases, mutations have deleterious effects of some kind."

Paragraph 11.218:
"Hemorrhage is a common phenomenon after radiation exposure because the megakaryocytes, from which the blood platelets necessary for clotting are formed, are destroyed and the platelets are not replenished. If hemorrhage occurs in vital centers, death can result. Often the hemorrhages are so widespread that severe anemia and death are the consequences."

Ovarian disorders

* Symptoms of vaginal dryness, hot flashes, night sweats, or disordered sleep may be a sign of ovarian insufficiency or premature ovarian failure. The presence of these symptoms in young women demands timely further evaluation.
* Prior history of chemotherapy or radiation therapy may be associated with ovarian failure.

Not only does long-term magnetic pulse affect the hormone producing parts of the brain, which control menses, it affect the ovaries. It would make a woman more susceptible to early onset perimenopause and it would cause abnormal changes in the ovaries, which would make a woman more likely to have an ectopic pregnancy or other abnormalities which would produce the extremely rare kind of pregnancy I had, where the ovaries released two eggs which were both fertilized, almost immediately after my non-existant "period", at a time when it isn't normal for me to conceive.

It also contributes to severe hemmorhaging when there is a childbirth or pregnancy loss, because of the way the blood vessels are affected by magnetic pulse in the uterus. It also contributes to scarring or a thickening of the uterine lining, because of the prolonged exposure, which then, if breaking down, would cause more severe bleeding.

"A history of hemorrhage after childbirth can lead to failure of regular menses to return. This may be an indication of postpartum pituitary necrosis. Failure of lactation is an even earlier sign. Detecting this condition early is important because of the possible development of associated central adrenal insufficiency, a potentially fatal condition."

It also leads to lower red blood cell count and hemoglobin if other nutritional elements are not a factor.

"Uterine causes (of loss of periods or tapering of them):

* Intrauterine adhesions (Asherman syndrome): This results from acquired scarring of the endometrium, usually secondary to postpartum hemorrhage or infection followed by procedures such as dilatation and excessive curettage. This abnormality prevents the normal build up and shedding of the endometrium leading to scant or absent menses. The diagnosis is suggested by absence of endometrial stripe on uterine ultrasonography and confirmed by hysteroscopy evaluation or by absence of bleeding after cyclic therapy with estrogen and later progestin for several weeks.
* Recently, a case report of a woman in whom persistent secondary amenorrhea developed due to intrauterine adhesions after selective embolization of the uterine arteries for control of refractory primary postpartum hemorrhage is described. Adverse effects of these new lifesaving technologies remain to be evaluated long term"

Given Methergine

I am answering my own questions again. I need to find a song about someone who is tired of always having to answer their own questions. There's a thrill in it, but it's tiresome too.

I was given 2 prescriptions: one for Percocet for pain, and the other for Methergine. There were slight smiles as I was told, anxiously, to take this to help with "cramping" and told my placental lining or uterine lining was very thick and needed to be thinned out and this would help.

After researching ectopic pregnancy, I discovered Methergine is the treatment used to ABORT ectopic pregnancies.

I don't think they'd just give me this Methergine, if this wasn't the point, but they certainly didn't tell me that. They told me I had an ectopic pregnancy and said to take Methergine for "cramping" and other stuff, and then said to come back, after taking it, in 2-3 days to check HCG levels.

They want to abort this ectopic pregnancy, by having me take Methergine, and then wanted to make sure, 2-3 days later, that it was a "done deal"!

Okay, if the fetus is already DEAD, I could understand this, but whatever happened to informed consent? I'd like to make my own choices about my own body and it's not THEIR choice to abort any child of mine, no matter where it's growing.

If it's dead, I've no problem taking Methergine. But if it's ALIVE, I want to see a hospital that will be open-minded to helping me support this pregnancy as long as I can.

My ovary is already ruined, it's clear. It's only my life, now, that's at risk. I've escaped death about 100 times already, and am constantly tortured and having my children taken from me, and damaged, through various means.

I am giving this kid a FUCKING CHANCE because to me, it is symbolic of someone trying desperately to survive, against the odds, and I am supportive of this kind of will, even if it endangers my own life. If it lives, it will be a miracle baby. There is even a chance it could grow to a halfway viable age, and then be delivered early and kept under monitors until it's older.

After everything I've been through, I want to give someone else a chance too.

I already know how to put someone else's life before my own. I've had people claim I'm so selfish and only think of myself and that's not true. If I were so selfish, I never would have made reports and complaints I've made. I did it, out of concern for public interest and protection, whether people believe me or not. It would have been much easier for me, personally, to shut up and not risk retaliation. I did it because I felt it was the right thing to do, and I DID care about others. Even the rights of others who hated ME. I am not perfect and I'm a terrible person in other regards, but I've not tried to hide this from anyone. I've been a completely open book--multifaceted, and everyone knows of my faults and sins.

I am okay with this. What I wish people understood about me, is that I never asked to be a "martyr" and I wasn't trying to do this or seeking this on my own. Things came to, or happened, which I was given a choice about. To report or keep quiet. I chose the road less traveled by, and that has, as Frost says, made all the difference. I have peace in my heart despite all of the trauma and misery and even damages to myself.

So when I am willing to risk my own life, to support someone else's will to live, it is not a foolish act of postpartum grief over losing the other child. It is not a sentimental proud and willful attempt to "be" a martyr. It is consistent with my values, to be willing to risk harm to myself, in order to give others a chance.

I don't want to die. I want to live. But I cannot kill any life, that God granted a will to live. I want to be smart and protect myself, and find the best possible care and strategy to prevent the loss of my own life. I didn't just surrender in that last hospital, to die of bleeding to death. I fought for my life, all the way, and was foremost concerned to not even pass out so I had a fighting chance to call others for help. So I don't have a death wish. Maybe this is how I'm going to die, I don't know. I don't want to leave my son behind. But I cannot, under any circumstances, kill my own flesh and blood and I hope, that if this is a live being that is inside of me still, that God will honor my decision and others might help me to try to a good outcome.

I think this other one is a girl. I've always thought my kids were going to be girls, and that's one thing I've always been wrong about. But I sort of think this one is a girl.

I will take Methergine if the life is dead already. I'm not taking anything to kill it off.

I am extremely feminist in a lot of ways and deplore the way society treats women still, and how there is still a double-standard. I am more feminist than the majority of women I know, and I'm very accepting of the gay-lesbian community and chimeras and all the variations of life and our different choices. But what's a little different about me, is my sincere belief about life and conception. I think it's excusable when we didn't really know how things were inside, when we thought it was just a blob, and couldn't see. But now we can see things, and it's really horrible what is done to the unborn.

However, I read, in the Washington Post, some time ago, a man talking about his group's efforts to protest abortion--a Catholic group that went to the Planned Parenthood on NW D.C. and held vigil, and he said, in his mind, every woman going in was having an abortion.

I am here to tell you, you are mistaken. I was greeted the first time I went in, by a single woman who was quietly praying. I just sort of acknowledged her but walked by. Same thing the second time, when a huge group was assembled outside, on the sidewalk, and I have a message for those of you in this group:

You scare people. You look scary too, because you were all wearing long black wool coats and carried crucifixes and had hats on and it was like something out of "The Scarlet Letter" or medieval England. Most of you looked at me in hatred, like I was the "killer" of babies, but a couple of you were nice and one of you offered a tract to me from the Blessed Mother, with a chain for praying the rosary. I declined politely and you were also polite.

You should know, not every woman going to Planned Parenthood is getting an abortion or even considering it. I never was. I went to them, only to get confirmation of my pregnancy and because it was the cheapest alternative for getting a postive blood test.

I respect your intentions, but try not to get so dramatic and emotional. It's not always what it looks like on the outside, and those who DO choose to have abortions are not bad people either. They either really don't have a problem with it and feel okay with their choice, and don't have a lot of information (or choose not to) and the others don't WANT to have an abortion but feel there is no other choice.

This society does not support the rights of single women, or men, who want to raise children or families on their own. It punishes them.

It would be good to find ways to support the rights of women, which is a pro-woman stance, and blend this with supporting the right to live of an unborn. This could be done by actively planning a support system and means for women to have their children and be successful, instead of only giving them these options: poverty and social shame or ostracization; adoption; or abortion.

Single women are not the breeders for couples who want to adopt. Get that through your heads CASA, CPS, state, and society. We are not your meal ticket out of expensive fertility treatments. You have your burdens and we have ours. Those who want to adopt should have easier ways to adopt those that really need homes, who are sitting in horrible orphanages throughout the world, desperate for human contact and touch. Single women need better support and appreciation from society, that we too, can make positive contributions, and that our choices are not "mistakes" and indicators of "risk factors".

Stop the discrimination and make the world a better place.

And don't fucking try to pawn off your Methergine as an anti-cramping formula when we all know what it was really for.

Well, disclaimer, Methergine really IS used, in one use, to stop uterine hemmorhage. See this: Methergine® (methylergonovine maleate) is a semi-synthetic ergot alkaloid used for the prevention and control of postpartum hemorrhage.

It is something that would be good for me to use because I'm still bleeding heavily, especially after they removed whatever was stuck when I went to George Washington Hospital. However, I was also told to go back in 2-3 days to check pregnancy hormones levels and be sure they're "going down", after I was told I have an ectopic pregnancy. It is specifically NOT to be used if there is a live fetus, because it will kill it.

Start respecting the intelligence, rights, and choices of women, to carry a baby to term, and stop pressuring them to abortion through social punishment and involvement of the state.

This is my stance, and it is both Pro-woman and Pro-life. I am for the lives of both the woman AND the child and they do not have to be mutually exclusive. We CHOOSE to put women between a rock and a hard place and discriminate against them--one group claiming they're not "feminist" enough and the other group claiming they're "baby killers". There is a middle ground that no one wants to go to, that supports both the rights of women AND their children, and these things need to be explored.

Same thing with right to death. If some elderly didn't feel pressured, by the legal right to die, and had better support, they wouldn't even consider ending their own lives. When people are given hard choices, they do the best they can do with them.

Most single women end pregnancies, by choice, because of "timing", because they know this society will punish them and set them back, if they choose to go ahead with the pregnancy. Their careers will suffer, their social status and options will suffer, and their ability to get ahead will suffer. There are other reasons as well. No woman should be told she must choose either herself or the unborn baby, or to just hand the kid over to "established mother-father" parents. Two-parent families are not better because there are two parents of a different gender, or because there are two of them. Single women can, and will, be excellent providers and parents, and make better homes for kids than many 2-parent families.

Stop the discrimination and work to support women and the full spectrum of their rights. We will see evidence of "progress" when women no longer feel pressured to have an abortion because society tells them the "timing" isn't "right". It is not society's God-damn right. Then you've got the population people who just want everyone to die and no one to get pregnant because we're all going down with overpopulation. Give me a break, and make your choices for yourself then, to not have children. Don't put that pressure on everyone else.

And if churches and religious are so concerned about the unborn, start expanding your concern to the women and men too, and offer them practical support. If a woman chooses not to abort, how are YOU, personally, and how is your church, going to support that family? Unless you are willing to offer a hand, you have no right to tell women what they should be doing, when they hardly have alternatives and don't have this "blind faith" like you, or feel comfortable living their lives knowing they gave up their own child to another family.

You could start providing these women with promises, and commitments, to take up the slack, and give them assurance of practical assistance. Not just prayers, not just pointing them to the state to be prejudiced against and stuck in a cycle, and not just adoption agencies. Don't offer to take the baby--offer a woman, for once, to take both HER and her baby under your wing until they are established. Then, you could claim to know something about "true religion".

Start looking at what the Children's minister of Scotland has proposed. That woman, is a smart woman and I would almost move to Scotland just to support her ideas for programs and policy change. She has a head on her shoulders. Oh, another good example of a country finding balance, is France. Take a look at how they support women, even single women, in their pregnancies.

I decided to change the title of this post. It was far too dramatic. I was told by the pharmacist that Methergine is given to abort ectopic pregnancies, and this combined with my prescription for it, and the announcement I've an ectopic, and the idea of going back to check HCG just heightened all of my concerns. I know it is good for helping with hemmorhage after miscarriage, so I DID actually buy the prescription and I took it home and have it here. But I just want to check other things out first, before using it.

Happy New Year Everyone. Hope it's a good one.

Unseen Army Backing Me

Last night, though, on the way to the George Washington Hospital, I kept hearing the song in my head, by Coldplay, "I'll See You Soon."

I'm not sure why, but although I can't see any evidence, on the outside, that anyone is looking out for me or investigating anything, I "feel", instinctively, someone, or some group, I don't know which, is taking a closer look at things. I think someone wants to protect me and my son, and that they believe me. I don't know how to rationalize this, because I have no evidence, but I feel someone fully validates me and believes me, even as crazy and unusual as my claims are--they know, or believe it's true. I don't know why I know this. I wish I knew who this was, and who these people are, and I don't know why you're in hiding, and disguised from me, when I need these people.

I have an invisible army behind me, that I cannot even see, and I walk forward, thinking I'm completely alone and not believed, but for some reason, they cannot reveal themselves.

I don't know why. These are not people who say they want to "help" me and yet don't believe me--these are people that actually really believe what I've been saying.

I feel this instictively, the way I puzzled at whether I was having twins, the way I "knew" the moment of conception with my last pregnancy. The way I knew it was the MRI that killed the baby/babies.

I don't know if this group has always been there, or has been recently assembling, and I don't know why so quiet. I do not know why. But I feel it.

There is also a group that hates me. Is not just "hostile", but lives with a vengeange, and really hates me. It is as if an inner voice, not audible and not a "voice" like "talking to me", but I just hear, as if a character from a movie, saying, "They hate her. No, you don't understand. They really hate her." I feel there is someone out there who is trying to explain to others, about motives or a group's hatred of me. No, it's not paranoia, and it's not a "voice" telling me people are out to get me. It's this reasonable, level-headed, person in regular everyday clothes, who is trying to explain what is going on against me, to someone else.

I don't know why this is in the shadows either.

When I say I feel something or "know" something instinctively, or sort of "hear" something, it's not a voice or voices, it's, for example, when I write an "image"--for example, when I wrote an image about the dialogue of two brothers or friends, about corn and corn stuck in their teeth...their "voices" and their dialogue comes to me. I can "hear" it in my mind's eye. It's not like I'm "hearing things" but more like a story is writing itself and I'm told what to write down. I don't have to work at it---it just comes to me easily.

I want to say thank you to NJ guy. Saw you today, noticing me. Thank you...I can tell there is something good about you and thanks for your interest.

Update on Ovarian Pregnancy

I am still not sure what's going on. I called the specialist today and left a message because he was interested enough in having me come to his office instead of ER, and said my condition was very rare.

He wants to check the HCG levels and see if they're still going up in 2-3 days. So I don't know what this means. Basically, 3 different doctors said it looks ectopic in the ovary and that it was implanted around same time of the gestation of the other fetus. What I don't know, is the status of this fetus.

I'm sort of thinking maybe it's dead. Because wouldn't they tell me if they found a heartbeat? So maybe they're taking HCG to see if it's going down on its own because it died and now they want to be sure it's taking care of itself.

I have no idea.

If it's dead, I am definitely going to have some complaints with regard to my medical care and I'll name the hospitals and doctors. Because all of it could have been prevented and at least the normal pregnancy could have been saved if they had listened to me and done more to find out what was causing the pain I told them about. I got the best investigative ultrasound at this last place, and it was done too late. I went to the George Washington Hospital and was generally impressed. I felt safe there.

Everywhere else, there were problems evident from the outset but that's NOT to say there are not good doctors at these other places either. I think Fairfax has some really good ones, but I just got the idiot interns and residents. George Washington had interns and residents too, but they were more professional and seemed a little smarter.

I wouldn't send my dog to Prince George's Hospital.

It sort of looks like I may be losing an ovary. How do they take out a fetus without operating on it? I don't see how that's possible. If it's dead, it probably died the same time the other fetus died.

I still have some pain though. They gave me a small prescription which I haven't filled, but the cramps are still quite painful and I think I may fill it after all. Just a very small 1-2 day supply of Percocet. I'm taking Ibuprofen but it doesn't help much.

If, for some crazy reason, there is a viable fetus, and that would be a total miracle, I would try to see if I can carry it to term. My ovary is going to be shot anyway.

If the doctors had found this earlier, it could have been handled, the whole management of my pregnancy, differently. I was not just high risk because of prolapse and prior problems, I was super high, high, risk, and no one listened to me.

Once again.

Last night, though, on the way to the George Washington Hospital, I kept hearing the song in my head, by Coldplay, "I'll See You Soon."

I'm not sure why, but although I can't see any evidence, on the outside, that anyone is looking out for me or investigating anything, I "feel", instinctively, someone, or some group, I don't know which, is taking a closer look at things. I think someone wants to protect me and my son, and that they believe me. I don't know how to rationalize this, because I have no evidence, but I feel someone fully validates me and believes me, even as crazy and unusual as my claims are--they know, or believe it's true. I don't know why I know this. I wish I knew who this was, and who these people are, and I don't know why you're in hiding, and disguised from me, when I need these people.

I have an invisible army behind me, that I cannot even see, and I walk forward, thinking I'm completely alone and not believed, but for some reason, they cannot reveal themselves.

I don't know why.

Liability over Pregnancy

If I find out the ectopic pregnancy has died too, which is not something I was told last night, and that both my babies, twins, died, when it could have been prevented, when I went repeatedly to doctors to help, I will do everything in my power to expose the names of every single person I went to, and what they did wrong, and how this medical system endangers lives.

If I don't file a lawsuit, for the malfunctioning MRI, I will do all these other things.

All of this, could have been prevented, if more thorough exams had been done, and I had been listened to.

Example of Ovarian Baby That Survives

This above link is one which shows an ovarian baby carried to full term, with a healthy mother. There wasn't a lot of pain in her case. The main alerts are severe pain if something is going to be damaging to the mother. Usually, after 20 weeks, such a pregnancy is just monitored and followed closely. My baby right now would be about 13 weeks or so, so it's gone a long time, and has been through a lot and is still, apparently, kicking.

No wonder I was so dehydrated and my red blood cell count were low. I was carrying twins. And my pain is from probably the prolapse and the twin factor. HOnestly, this could have been caught a long time ago if the doctors had listened to me and done better investigative ultrasound. Doctors need to listen to their patients, especially ones like me, who are very in tune with their own bodies.

Now that I know I'm still pregnant, I'm thinking of anything I've had to eat that's not good, etc. I haven't had any alcohol at all, so that's good. I have smoked weed very lightly to control migraine, but not enough to even show on some tox screens. The worst thing was probably taking the Xanax and then whatever that Zytotec may have done. Otherwise, I've slacked on healthy eating, but not much. I haven't done anything which would cause a birth defect or anything.

I wonder why this one survived and the other one died, if the ovary is more protective somehow? or it was just out of the way of the direct radiation or something?

Again, this entire situation could have been caught, because I complained so much, and yet no one listened. I didn't even fully listen to myself. I thought, in the beginning, I might be carrying twins and even asked the father about a family history. But then I only saw one and was surprised and thought I was wrong. It was another one of those intuitive things, where I felt I knew something I couldn't prove.

Now it's been proven, and I know I need to pay even better attention to my instincts. I need some coffee, and then I'm getting on the phone to some specialists for a bunch of things, and churches to help me with seizure diagnostics.

This latest discovery should be enough to SHUT UP the critics who claim I have psychosomatic pain and that I cannot accurately judge my own body and pain. I didn't put my babies at risk--once again, it was the fault of medical "professionals" who didn't listen to me and do their investigative work. I was right to seek an MRI, and knew it then, because no one was listening and I knew something was different and wrong, and voila! I accurately found the benefits to outweigh the risks, and everything should have been fine, if their MRI machine had been working correctly.

Slam to the simpletons, though, eh?

I think I may want to move to Israel or an Asian country, or somewhere, where intelligence is valued and given respect and people are not centering their focus around football and pinioning the smart people to the wall out of jealousy, because they would rather discuss sports and fashion.

I need to be somewhere where I am surrounded by intellectuals and active-thinking-non intellectuals, like artists, creators, and things.

I can't live in the kind of world I've been living in, and I've done it to myself, to be so upset all the time, because I've chosen the company I keep and am forced to keep, by choosing where I live and the kind of people I live around. Which is why I never should have moved to Wenatchee.

Different cultures place value on different things. I'm just tired of being discounted and punished for being smarter than the average person, and there are a lot of other "poor" people who are every bit as smart as me, who never have a chance to show this to others, who are held down. Yes, I do have a lot of problems with different people. But they're all people whose values are at sharp contrast to mine, and that is the problem.

When I first went to ER, I even TOLD the doctor, I wondered if I had an ectopic pregnancy and wanted to rule it out. She saw one normal fetus and then just shut down further investigation, thinking there was no need to follow the symptoms I reported.

Guess what? As rare as ovarian pregnancy is, I knew something was going on, and who was right? I was. Start paying attention and stop discounting me when I say there was a magnetic pulse that caused all my and my son's problems and the computer problems, because this is also a "rare" occurance and unlikely, but guess what? It fucking happened.

Stop fucking doubting me. I am RIGHT.

Deciding On Keeping Ectopic Pregnancy

Well, I've decided to keep it.

If there is really another baby in there, as I'm told, I don't really know how I could bring myself to have it aborted, even though it would be for a very good reason.

I always fight for the underdog, and in this case, this one is the underdog.

I don't want to die, so I want good management of this condition, but I'm going to have to make some calls.

No wonder I still felt pregnant.

I'm still in shock though. I feel like I'm in some kind of sci-fi movie. Anyway, there are several examples of live births from ectopics. The worst ones, which result in worst damages to the the mother, are the ones in the tube. It's just too narrow. But there are some which are implanted other places, like the ovary and outside of the uterus, which have a slighty better chance and slightly less risk.

It is extremely uncommon to have this kind of twin pregnancy. It's even more unlikely to be able to carry safely, to delivery, but how can I abort my own child, if there is another, when the other one never should have died?

I just can't do it. I am willing to risk my fertility for this, but not my life. I don't want to die, but I am willing to lose an ovary to give it a chance. I still have another ovary, so I might still be able to have kids.

At this point in the game, all these things feel pretty much out of my control. WHY do I have such a bizarre life? I don't know. I should be thankful it's never boring, and that there's always something to learn, but I have a headache today too, and I am trying to get my son back and have no one helping me with that.

I deserve to have an extension for getting things done, because it's wrong to expect me to get all these things done when I'm just trying to survive a very difficult, high-risk, and unexpected pregnancy. It's not fair to me to give me regular time limits, when nothing has been regular.

I cannot imagine having a safe ectopic in Wenatchee either. I would die, and they would let me die.

I need to find people who will help me, in a practical way, to restore my rights, and hold people accountable for illegal actions.

I am going to call specialized science and medical offices today, and also maybe a Catholic university hospital or something, to find out who is best in helping to preserve strange pregnancies like this. I have this in common with the most conservative Catholics at least--I do not believe in abortion. Not for myself. I wish everyone could see how beautiful a tiny little 11 week old fetus is. Not to feel guilty, or shame anyone, but just to face facts and square with science, for once, that this really is a little life, with feelings and is not a blob.

Listening to "Free Fallin'" by Tom Petty. Heeeerrrrrreeee we gooo! It's going to be a Tom Petty day. "Learnin to Fly", "Into the Great Wide Open" and "Mary Jane".

Naming Ovarian Baby

Well, at least for now, I'm giving it a name. And this one, if it lives, must have a very unusual name. No classics.

Salome Anouk Garrett or Beatrice Diana-Claire Garrett for girl and for a boy???

Daniel Rock Garrett, or? need more creative boys names. Will add to list.

Benjamin Strength, ohhhhh i dunnnoo will have to look up name lists.

No, my hearts not set. I know the odds. And mabye I'll die. I don't know. But I have a little time to think about it at least.

Shoot. One thing after the other, and ummm...Judge Hotchkiss and the state are going to have to get a motion from me for extension of time to do services, because I have a lot on my plate and HAVE HAD, for the last couple of montsh.

I'm definitely giving this baby a name. For better or worse. I was thinking Hezekiah today bc it means, "God gives strength". I like the meaning, but don't really know what to do with a name like that or how to shorten it. I also like Morning Glory for a very hippie name for a girl. I am thinking this other one is probably a boy too, but I'd have to study twins again to find out. It very well could be a different gender, because different eggs get fertilized in this case.

I Have Twins (?!)

So this is weird, is it not? the strange thing too, is that I asked the father if there were twins in his family, because I felt SO pregnant and had the symptoms TIMES TWO, that although there is no history in My family, I believed perhaps in his family, this was the case. I thought maybe I was carrying twins and then I saw the ultrasound and only saw one normal looking sac while the other one was hiding.

This kind of twinning is called Heterotopic pregnancy and I've included the wiki on it below. Who knows, maybe i really WAS feeling the baby move afterall. And, like the doctor said, it sures explains the excessive pain.

See below for heterotopic:

Heterotopic pregnancy is an exceedingly rare type of dizygotic twinning in which one twin implants in the uterus as normal and the other remains in the fallopian tube as an ectopic pregnancy. As ectopic pregnancy can be life-threatening to the mother, it must be resolved; however, in most cases, the intrauterine pregnancy can be salvaged. Heterotopic pregnancy occurs at a rate of about one in 30,000 pregnancies.[citation needed]

So now the issue is what to do. I could die or become infertile by continuing to carry a baby in the ovary. On the other hand, I'm almost wondering if I'm practically infertile anyway. And death? death schmeaf. On the way home from Prince George's Hospital, by taxi, a guy drove at high speed, right for the taxi driver, and missed, because the taxi driver was too fast. But first I almost died in blood loss, and then by car crash, again.

I guess, for some reason, I'm still here, so you assassins out there--take note! I am marked by the blood of the lamb and I wouldn't try to kill me if I were you! ;)

I get to be Job, suffering every misery under the sun, but being deprived of actual death.

So, I have thinking to do. I'm not opposed to letting this little one have it's way. I just need to think about everything and figure out which hospital is going to best be able to care for and nurture a child like this. I mean, who wants to take responsibility? Some places would say to abort immediately, but I tend to not go this direction, although, in these circumstances, I don't think God would be upset. It's more that I would be upset with myself, if there is a life struggling to survive, and I chose my own life instead. I mean,there's a balance. If somehow, I can keep my own life, and be very careful, and have good doctors, but also give this one a chance, that is what I'd like to do. And actually, I think sometimes, some of the best for this sort of thing, might be those at a Catholic hospital who are experienced in keeping very premature and young lives living. But I don't know, I'll have to find out what resources are out there to help me with this.

Is this not bizarre?

And I'm still a little confused. First, I get these wide eyes and horror, as they tell me it looks like an ectopic pregnancy, and then when they see I'm sort of pleased or interested, they then look at me darkly and say, "No, there's nothing there." If there's "nothing there" then how can it be an ectopic pregnancy, and why would they be wanting me to take meds to shed the placental lining, or "thin" it, and why do they want to check my horomone levels again in 2-3 days and give me meds to bring those levels "down"?

What? they want to shrink my baby?

Oh Baby, Baby: Another Baby (twin?) On the Way!

So, another twist to my little life story. I went to ER and they did have to intevene and pull out "remaining" parts of placenta and stuff. But everyone was puzzled by some of these other things...

Turns out...I was maybe not pregnant with just ONE, but TWO babies. The first one was caught, in a normal position. But the other one, they now think, is an example of a very, very, rare, unheard of (practically) situation where one egg left the ovary and implanted normally, and the other one stayed, and growed in...the other ovary.

I've got a pregnant ovary. So everything is cleaned out but they're saying it looks like a dual ectopic pregnancy.

They pretty much want me to get rid of it. But you know ME! I have to do research about everything, and I've got to know more.

After they told me this and I wasn't crying or disappointed, they then said it was dangerous, and I'm still wide-eyed and nodding with a smile and then they say it's "just a cyst" and yet they want me to take all these meds to get rid of it.

I figure, if that little being is normal, and alive and fighting to live, in a very strange environment, THAT one is a SURVIVOR. To hell with my ruptured ovary, I almost want to give the kid a fucking chance.

The other one already got kicked off the island, by a mean MRI machine, and this one concealed itself in the depths, to live?

KUDOS to the Survivor. I like that kind of spirit (I say, as I'm dying from ruptured ovary--"Go! Kid, GO!").

So I'm going online to research stuff about ectopic pregnancies, because I HAVE heard of cases where they go on and continue.

The doctor thinks it partially explains why I had such bad back pain. Hum! Anyway, I will research the odds of giving this little goober a chance.

MY little baby dabney GOOBER.

Once again, I am a scientific mystery too marvelous for words.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

ER Again Probably

I think I have to check into an ER again. I got really dizzy and out of air and had to sit back and now I'm shivering uncontrollably, so I don't think my CBCs are okay yet.

I've just been sitting this whole time and started feeling this way and it's getting worse and I'm getting very shaky so I think I have to call an ambulance since my roommates are not home. I may wait a few minutes, but I knew, when they kicked me out of PGH it was too early.

Then I thought, maybe I was wrong. But now I'm thinking, no, I think I was right. My CBCs hadn't stabilized and that's why I'm still dizzy and now shaking with chills. So it may be a while until I can write again. I don't know.

I called another place and they couldn't believe PGH was trying to discharge me with bp of 77/34 and told me CBC of 8.2 was extremely low and to come right over. I sort of feel "fine" again, but then I get these dizzy patches now and then, and I'm very cold. I don't know if I'd feel this cold normally. So I'm gonna get checked out, to be safe.

Thanks everyone, who has prayed for me and sent good wishes my way. I do appreciate it and it probably kept me alive these last few days. I'm thankful. I really wish my baby had had a chance, and I'm sort of rehashing things now, but I'll get over it again I think. I will never forget though, and there must have been some reason for this. I miss a lot of things right now, and it doesn't make sense, but maybe someday everything will make more sense.

I just really loved that baby already. I don't know why, but I did. And Oliver would have had a brother, a commrade, and I still want this for him. It's important.

Funeral Place for James River

I DID manage to secure a safe place for James, because I told a place what was going on, and they gave me a name and said they had coolers and could preserve things until further decisions were made.

So I gave them my information and they were calling the hospital today to let them know, and then tomorrow I have to call again and arrangements will be made. I just want to give James a chance at maybe getting a fair evaluation.

And so far, I have some people who are helping me with this. I sort of wish I'd taken photos, because the baby looked so good, and not at all bad, but I didn't have a camera with me.

I may still be able to get photos if everything is done right with coolers. We'll see.

My Cell Phone

River of Tears by Eric Clapton--I found this song after listening to "Sweet Baby James" and a few other Taylor and Clapton songs.

I really like it. I just found my cell phone today and need to make some calls. I have to charge my phone and then I can finally use it.

And then, I may have to go back to the ER, because they forced me to leave when I wasn't well enough. No, not that one, I would go somewhere else.

I just plugged the charger in, and it won't charge things up. I don't know what's wrong. The phone is fine, but it was lost until today. Now, I have to get a new charger I guess, just to get this thing working again. I've plugged it in to no avail.

I would still like to talk to the father of the baby, and need to get in touch with some other people as well. I don't know who has tried to reach me, because I've been without a phone for 3 weeks.

How PGE Wanted to Retaliate After I Called Lawyer

So I was fine, right? About not wanting to sue anyone, right? I had dealt with the bereavement end of things. Yes, I sobbed when I saw my baby, but I saw that he was beautiful, and I was able to name him, and I had already processed my grief weeks ago. So I wasn't angry with anyone or wanting to blame anyone for anything. Until, I'm sorry, but the facts cannot be ignored...

Not only were there an inexcusable number of problems with equipment at this hospital, for my only TWO visits, I was treated poorly as soon as a doctor I liked was out of the picture. If the Russian OBGYN was there, they did everything according to protocol, and controlled my pain. The minute she was gone, they cut off my pain meds, and I was ignored. I asked for a phone books for 2 days and was ignored, and asked for medical release forms for 2 days and was ignored.

They were trying to DISCHARGE me when I had a blood pressure of 77/34 and a CBC of only 8.29. They never rechecked my CBC after that, even though I lost more blood and the nurses saw that I lost more blood besides.

This doctor got in my face early this morning, and yelled at me that I was going home. I told her, how could she send me home at 77/34 for a bp? and she claimed she didn't know what was "normal" for me and I told her she could find out if she had faxed my medical release to this other hospital that DID have my normal BP on record. She refused to get the record.

So then I'm telling this hospital NOT to autopsy my baby, because an independent pathology was going to be done and they kept refusing to keep it preserved and were trying to tell me that either I let THEM do an autopsy, or they were throwing it away, or I could call a funeral home and have it cremated FIRST.

I told them I wanted it preserved and when they kicked me out, I signed a form telling them to keep it in proper conditions until it was taken by the funeral home, so I could have either a lawyer or myself take the next steps.

The minute I called a lawyer, they were trying to kick me out to the street. This hospital refused to do another CBC after they got an 8.29 after my transfusion. My blood pressure was totally abnormal and it had been 24 hours since they'd done a CBC. I asked them if they would please do one more CBC before discharging me and they refused. They had cut off all pain medications, abruptly, the night before as well.

They were so mean to me, it was unbelievable, and all this time I'd thought my roommate hadn't even tried to call for me. I found out, after I got home, that he had tried calling repeatedly, and they kept telling him I wasn't picking up the phone. He gave his name, and asked for me and they never put him through. And then they were telling ME that no one had called for me at all. I picked up my phone every time it rang. They were LYING to me, and I have no idea why.

Some of the daytime nurses were okay and I had maybe 2 good OBGYNs and the rest were really, really, bad. I mean, not even competent. And then I had one nurse, who didn't have attitude at all, but she couldn't COUNT! She counted out loud, on her fingers, incorrectly, in front of me, to figure out when I was getting my next medications for pain and I had to point out it was wrong and help her count again. She'd done this twice and I don't think it was intentional on her part--she seriously just didn't know how to count.

The care there was very bad. I haven't had that bad of care anywhere except Wenatchee. And even Wenatchee had a few bright spots here and there when they weren't harassing me. Most of the time they were bad, but not all of the time. Here, it was pretty much ALL bad, right from the get-go, and you wondered how in the world they functioned as a medical facility?!

So after trying to kick me out at 77/34, they waited until my BP was up, but never rechecked my CBC, and then dropped discharge papers on me, which I'd not seen before, and told me I had to leave right then and there or I was "trespassing". It was horrid of them, but it was their choice to behave that way. At least I was able to use my voice recorder for most of it.

When they saw my voice recorder being pulled out, in ER, after they were refusing me pain meds while giving me 4 Zytotec, they backtracked pretty fast. After I contacted a lawyer though, they just wanted me out. So I talked to some lawyers who said it sounded like medical malpractice and others who thought it was a lot more like products liability.

Whether I sue or not, it needs to be know, and made public, what happened there, because that kind of equipment failure isn't safe for anyone, and when I saw it happening that much, I thought it was a pretty bad track record.

Why harass me besides? They basically were at fault for killing my baby, with a bad MRI machine, and then they couldn't even handle a miscarriage gracefully? I would have thought, any doctor or hospital would try to do their best to ensure you're safe, and treated well, and that the process is complete and finished on a good note, rather than act like eviction notice Landlords of the Landfill. It was so, so, strange. I was very disappointed to see this kind of behavior from ANY medical "professional" and thought it set an especially poor example for those students who were in residency training. I mean, God, I wouldn't want that hospital named as my teaching facility.

Once I get the name of the Russian OBGYN, I'll list her, but the rest of them were pretty bad. There were also a couple of decent nurses, but it's sad when "normal" is suddenly looking like the best care you've ever had in your life because the rest of the nurses are so bad!

So they kicked me out the minute my BP was up, when I was completely lightheaded, and they cut off my ability to use the phone and didn't want me to be able to sign a form about what to do with the fetus, or be able to call a proper funeral home which had decided to preserve it for me.

I got the paper signed anyway, because there was NO WAY I was leaving without making sure that baby had a chance to have someone objective take a look.

The baby was beautiful, but there was a small mark that looked like a blister to me. It wasn't a deformity at ALL, it was a blister, and after thinking about what could have happened with the MRI machine, I believe it's from MRI burn.

I know something was wrong with the machine, and that this baby should have lived. I am absolutely resolved as to the cause of death. It is too bad, because this was a gorgeous child, even at 11 weeks.

I wish everyone could see, because it wasn't what I thought it would be. It was exactly like a very miniature baby doll. Perfect in every way, except for the spot which I think was caused by MRI. I looked at it very carefully, and also, on Sonogram, it was totally healthy. I could see perfect little ribs, and belly, and legs and arms and fingers, and everything was in the proper place.

Anyway, PGE forced me out by dumping me into their waiting room in a wheelchair, telling me they'd never heard from my roommate, knowing I didn't have his number with me, and they were wondering how I was "getting home".

I was going to go straight to another ER because I felt so sick, but then I decided to come home first and get some more things, including my roommates number, and make a few posts, and then go back when I think I need to have the CBC done again.

I really didn't want to have any blood transfusions from that hospital. I don't trust the blood, or the way they store it, or anything. They didn't even know how to read the expiration dates on the bag.

Yes, it was pretty bad.

If I had gone home with the Zytotec, as they wanted, I would have died from bleeding to death. If I had home with a blood pressure of 77/34 and low CBC, when I still needed an IV, I would have who knows? become ill and dizzy and needed fluids? I know it's not considered "stable" to be at 77/34 bp. So, finally, they seized their chance to spring this on me last minute, after they got a halfway normal bp but refused to do another CBC. I think they knew it could be low again and then they'd have to keep me longer. They knew I'd keep bleeding. Taking the Zytotec was supposed to hasten the process so I did NOT go home bleeding at all. It was to send me home with NO bleeding, to prevent chance of infection.

But they decided to send me home anyway, once I called a lawyer.

Bad practice, I think.

Multiple Unsafe Equipment Failures at Prince George Hospital

I hadn't planned on even calling a lawyer, until I witnessed the THIRD equipment failure at Prince George Hospital.

After the blood transfusion machine wasn't working, I called another hospital, in desperation, knowing it was an emergency. As soon as I called them, the machine began miraculously "working" again.

I was told it had a "low battery" and hadn't been working because of that. It had been reading low battery, but then worked normally after I placed a call to another hospital, right before I was about to pass out.

I thought this was a little odd, because I had been using my voice recorder at this hospital, to document their refusal to manage my pain after giving me Zytotec, and telling me to go home to take it when I didn't feel it was a safe idea. So I was using this voice recorder, and the battery was fine, but when I tried using it right before the blood transfusion machine was used, I got a "low battery" reading on my voice recorder and it quit recording. Five minutes later, the blood transfusion machine was brought in and quit working, supposedly because of a "low battery" reading they discovered late, which corrected itself (?).

My voice recorder didn't correct. I had to use a new battery and that one went low pretty quick too.

But my concern, was that this wasn't the FIRST time I'd witnessed a serious equipment problem at this hospital. I hadn't mentioned it before, because I had not thought it a big deal, and I thought it was mabye coincidence, but I realized, last night, that my baby most likely died because of a bad MRI scan. I'll tell you why.

When I went into that ER, three weeks, earlier, I was told to have an MRI. So I had it done. It shouldn't have killed the baby. But that's when I lost pregnancy symptoms, and after this is when the heart stopped. I didn't process this all at this time, because I had the MRI and then I didn't think about ME, when I was rolled into the waiting room right next door. I was in the hall, for over an hour, while another man was having an MRI, and the machine kept breaking down. The attendant kept saying the "scanner" isn't "working" and you would hear nothing. So she called for help, and then this other radiologist would come in and as soon as she did, the MRI machine worked again. So the two women were laughing about how strange, that it didn't work at all and only started working whenever this other woman came into the room. I know those radiologists would remember this, because they kept joking about it, and I was overhearing all of this for a good hour. I didn't once think that this may have been happening to me too, or if something was wrong with the MRI machine then, there may have been a problem with it when I had MY scan.

So I was taken back to the ER and told they couldn't find a heartbeat. They took me to have an ultrasound and the ULTRASOUND machine QUIT working. It worked well enough to take the first shots of an abdominal sonogram, but then it blinked out and it said the information was lost. It just stopped working all of a sudden. The woman called in some other techs, because she couldn't get it to work again. So other radiology techs came into the room and helped her "fix it", or, it just came back on screen and she was able to retrieve the other photos. So they got the abdominal photos and the intravaginal photos, which were done after MRI.

I thought it was very strange that first the MRI machine wasn't working after I used it (I never thought, perhaps WHILE I had been using it), and THEN, the ultrasound machine stops working.

I didn't write about it, because I figured it would make me sound "paranoid" again, as if I made a big deal out of coincidence. But then, after last night, when there were witnesses AGAIN to a THIRD equipment failure, right before a serious procedure had to happen for me, I decided these odds were too great.

Either PGH had a very serious problem keeping up with their technology and equipment, or something else was going on, and I'm not making any guesses. What I DID decide, and realize, after the blood transfusion machine quit working, was that if the MRI machine hadn't been working for the man after me, this indicated something was wrong with the equipment, and was probably the cause of my baby's death. A normally operating MRI machine shouldn't have stopped a heartbeat. But one that was surging, or malfunctioning, would have stopped a heartbeat. It is very likely it was an uneven or uncontrolled dose of electromagnetic radiation that killed the baby.

The facts are, the machine was NOT working right. And I overheard at least 2-3 witnesses in radiology knew this. I couldn't hear anything when I was in the MRI machine, so they could have been talking about how it wasn't working for me, and I wouldn't have known it. They did say, "It's not working again" as if this machine had been having problems before. And the first time this other radiologist walked in, was when the other tech said, "Every time you come in, it starts to work" and the other joked that she had a magic touch. But it was clear it had been having problems before they ever tried to scan the man after me.

So, first ER visit--MRI machine wasn't working, going off and on at least an hour after my scan (which was only for 15-30 minutes). Then, the ultrasound machine quit working in the middle of taking photos of my baby after its heart stopped. THEN, last night, my voice recorder seemed to get "drained" down to low battery within minutes, and right after this, the blood transfusion machine refused to work at all, when I desperately needed blood, and the reason, I heard later, was it was reading "low battery" and then suddenly started working again on its own.

Almost Bled To Death Because of Hospital

I think it's clear I wasn't outraged by what happened to my baby. I took partial responsibility even, and didn't plan to sue anyone. But I had second thoughts, after more happened at that hospital.

I went in, the same night I had turned around. I began having contractions the next morning, about 6 a.m., and then on the way, something "popped" and I felt liquid, 5 minutes from the hospital. I arrived with blood on my pants. Then, I just began hemmorhaging. I bled and bled, and they took me to ER, where my blood pressure went down to 80/43. I had some problem with clots and they kept having to go in with forceps to take them out, and then they helped remove the baby, which was stuck. It didn't harm it at all.

After this, I continued to hemmorhage. I looked at the baby behind closed curtains and told them to preserve the baby, because I didn't know if I was going to bury it at home or have it autopsied. I decided I didn't want that hospital to do any pathology after some more things happened there.

I had bled a LOT, and my blood pressure was very low but then it went up to about 111/60, which still isn't normal for me. They didn't do a CBC, after they did one which showed I was abnormally low on blood cells. They wanted to give me Zytotec, to take at home, 4 pills of it, and then bleed there. They said it would help the contractions to complete the process faster. I didn't feel comfortable leaving, even though I got extreme pressure from some of the doctors, to leave.

I asked for more people to come in, and in their presence, said I wasn't comfortable leaving. They told me my blood pressure was fine but they refused to check my CBC again and I didn't feel well. So they let me stay while I took the first round of Zytotec. But then the doctor who had said he would manage my pain with pain relievers if I took it, just disappeared when I said I was staying.

The pain was excruciating, and any doctor should know what kind of pain management is reasonable for the effects of the medicine. They gave me nothing. I begged for something, and after over a half hour, they gave me 800 mg. Ibuprofen, which did nothing. I was sobbing, for over an hour, and only after a doctor I liked finally came on, the Russian OBGYN, did they take care of my pain. They had refused to let me speak with her, wouldn't page her, and kept lying about whether she was there or not. When she came back, she ordered reasonable pain relief.

I hemmorhaged so badly, I had to stay in the hospital. I was hooked up to IVs the entire time. If I'd been at home, I would have bled to death. I would have passed out and bled to death.

They finally gave me blood transfusions. They said they either had to do a D&C to cut off the blood loss, or they would have to give me a blood transfusion. I okayed the blood transfusion when my heart got erratic and I was seeing black patches and almost passing out.

Normal CBC is 10 or over. I was at or below 7. So I had two blood transfusions. Right before the transfusions, they were saying it was "normal" for me to bleed enough clots to fill an entire thick bedpan. I knew it wasn't normal.

So, yeah, if I'd gone home to take the Zytotec, as they wanted, I would have died.

Then, while they were trying to give me blood transfusions and I was starting to pass out, their blood transfusion machine wouldn't work. It refused to work at all. They kept trying to get it to work and it wouldn't for over a half hour, until I desperately called INOVA Fairfax to let them know I was in need of a blood transfusion and about to pass out, and the machine wasn't working, and no one was calling in a doctor for help like I asked. They were just trying to figure out what was wrong with the machine.

This was the THIRD equipment failure that I had witnessed, at this hospital, with regard to my care, and all three failures were witnessed by others as well.

After I was treated very badly, and I saw this third equipment failure, which endangers lives, I decided to call a lawyer. And after I did, the hospital tried to kick me out.

They tried to discharge me when my blood pressure was 77/34, after I'd received the blood transfusions, while I had a temperature besides.

77/34 and they were trying to force me out. The name of this hospital is Prince George Hospital, and I do not recommend that anyone ever go there. It is one that will soon be losing licenses and probably have to shut down eventually.

I've heard other very bad things about it, but I wasn't prejudiced until the way I was treated for this miscarriage, and the equipment failure of the blood transfusion machine reminded me of what had happened with the MRI when my son lost his heartbeat, and the other equipment failures I'd witnessed there.

So, before writing a closing post about how my "treatment" was ended at this hospital, I want to write a post about the multiple odd equipment failures at this hospital, from the first ER visit, to this last one.

So once again, I evaded death, but not by much, and only at my own insistence. If I'd gone home, I would have died from hemmorhage and would have had no IVs and access to blood transfusion too late, if anyone had even been around when I passed out from blood loss.

James River Garrett

I decided to name him James after seeing his face. I was going to call him Allen River, but he didn't look like an Allen. He looked like a James, and he looked exactly like his father. It may sound strange to say you can see the same expression, but he had the same closed mouth smile and facial expression that his father had. His skin was white and translucent, and if there was any hair, it was very fair.

There was nothing deformed or deteriorated about him. He had little eyes, ears, nose, lips, mouth, and ears. Even the earlobes were formed. His tiny fingers and toes had nails. I was told not to touch, but I didn't obey orders. I touched his head, and I wanted to know if it was a boy or girl so I moved a little leg over. It was a boy, there was no mistake.

I wanted to name him after that, after I knew it was a boy. But Allen didn't fit any longer. I thought of Cade, but Cade River didn't flow, and then I realized, he was a James. He just looked like a James even though I'm not fond of the name. And I thought about the James Taylor song, "Sweet Baby James" and decided that was going to be "his song". I listened to it, many times while I was pregnant with him.

He was beautiful in every way. There was one small mark, which I believe was caused by the MRI, but I'm saving that information for another post, because there were many bad things that happened at that hospital, the one which did the MRI, and then which assumed my care when I went in, because of contractions from miscarriage.

But this post is for James, and I know even his father would have been proud of him. He had very long arms and legs and a beautiful head. I think he would have been tall. It sounds very odd, I know, to say you know what the face looks like, but this baby really did look like his Dad, not just facial features, but expression. He had a little hand tucked under his chin. I haven't seen the ultrasound photos yet, of when he was alive, so I don't know if he favored a particular hand or thumb. So it would have been James River Garrett if he'd wanted my name, or James River Dabney, if he'd taken the father's name or an apostrophe'd version.

Rest in Peace.

I guess, the other thing I realized, was that I really don't want to just have a baby to have one. I really wanted THIS child in particular. I realized I want to have more children, but there was something special about this one, I knew, and I always, in spite of other "deficiencies" or "issues", had seen something very special in the father. I figured, I have problems and the father has some issues, but this was going to be one hell of a kid.

As crazy as it sounds, I don't want to just be impregnated by just anyone. When I became pregnant, this time, at that moment I was falling for him in my own way, which I couldn't, and didn't want, to admit. I realized a lot of things about myself when I saw this baby. One of the things I learned was that Brian was right about me, what he said this one night. And as wrong as it may be, still, the only person I wanted to be with, even after all this, and not knowing what's up or down, and not being able to trust him, the only person I wanted to be with and have a child with, was the father of the baby I had that died. I didn't want just any children, I wanted one with him, for whatever reason and I don't know how to even explain it to myself because I was willing to push him away for the safety of the child, and because I didn't know what was going on. But I was afraid his family would try to take the baby, or something would happen, when really, I did think the father had a lot of special and unique qualities and I had hoped that someday we would be able to get to know each other better. He did a lot of things wrong, but did just as many things right too, and I didn't give him credit when he was trying very hard to be involved and to help me out, with jobs and different things. He was also mean and had some issues, and I don't even know how he knew certain things about me, but, regardless, I simply knew the kid was going to be a killer. No pun intended.

Below are the posts I made, with regard to the conception of this baby. I posted them before I had taken a urine test and knew it was positive, and then I posted another after the urine test. I wrote both the posts below, about knowing a baby had been conceived the moment of conception:

Re: Wondering if I am pregnant
hello. i wanted to share my experience, so far, and this is the place, i think! it's not too early to experience symptoms, but worry can also make you think you're pregnant when it may be PMS. the first time i was pregnant, i think i "knew" a few days before i missed my period. my breasts were heavier than usual and i'd had a dream about having a child. not that dreams are a symptom, haha.

this time, i am very early, but these are my symptoms: very frequent tension headaches (almost every day), extreme fatigue (coming home to take a nap for 3 hours and then just going to bed for the night), breast heaviness (though there is no noticeable enlargement yet), tingling in breasts and milk when pressed, and the most noticeable, besides the fatigue, was when i was having my favorite meal, fish, and i had been so hungry and i suddenly got queasy trying to eat it. i could take more than 2 bites. so food aversion was a big tip-off. also, i had pinkish mucus after the day i believed i conceived. it was pinkish and creamy and i've had that creamy pg vag. secretion stuff. i think the pink was implantation. i am already past my period and i have cramps like i'm going to have one but i'm not having it. i also noticed lower backache already like i can't hold my stomach in properly, and i was hotter than usual trying to sleep last night and my pulse seems to be quicker or heart working harder or something. a few days ago i woke up in the middle of the night famished, and made something to eat. i did this with my first pregnancy too--raiding the fridge at night.

what's weird about this one, is that right after intercourse, i felt i "knew" a baby had been or was about to be conceived. it is the strongest intuitive feeling i've had in awhile. it was like, "that's a baby, right there." because i only had sex twice in the last month, and with the same person, it's easy to pinpoint. i didn't think it was possible, because i'd just finished my period, but guess what!

oh, the other thing, is a lot of diarrhea which i don't remember from before. i'm also noticing, already, slight pubic bone pain like things are relaxing (i had separation of pubic bones in first pregnancy).

i am probably no more than 4 weeks along. the first day of my last period was in september, and i believe the conception date was oct. 2. well, it had to be. i had sex again a week ago, but i think it was too late in the cycle to be the one to trigger all these symptoms.

also, moodiness is already here but i hadn't noticed it until i realized i'm pregnant. i was crying more over little things, which isn't usual for me, and i flare up more easily too.

good luck. just take care of your body, whatever you do.

i am taking prenatals and just decided today, realizing this is "it", to quit smoking and drinking. i am a very, very, light smoker, but i've quit everything now. eating a lot more salad too.

i could be wrong, but i think this baby is a girl. it's too soon to know if there will be miscarriage or not, but i just have a feeling. but, last time, i thought it was a girl, and it turned out to be a boy!
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Old 10-19-2008, 08:17 PM #5

Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: washington d.c., u.s.a
Posts: 3

Re: Wondering if I am pregnant
i thought i would add, i took a pregnancy test today and it came up bright blue positive. i am definitely pregnant.
i can say, i knew the exact moment that led to conception. everything is sort of weird right now, but it was a really beautiful thing and i just knew something was going to be born of it. sort of a magical moment. hard to describe. this kid, boy or girl, is going to be one hell raiser, i'm afraid, between my and the father's genes. probably sort of cute too. it will be interesting. due date is in july and i was sort of thinking of the name diana in honor of princess di, if it's a girl, or i like paloma for peace, or anouk. i don't know. if it's a boy, maybe (the father's name came to mind actually but i don't know if i would choose that), or um, i don't know. stumped on boys names. i was excited at first, then today sad and worried and almost depressed. then i realized it's the horomones and mood swings. i'm excited, i just have a lot to get in line. i feel sort of alone right now and it's hard to find good support systems without family. i know this baby is for a reason, but i'm also worried about my body because i was high risk before and told i would be high risk even trying to carry if i got pregnant again because of prolapse problems. and, i can feel the uterus already hanging down lower. it's like there's no support. so i'm kind of wondering what the hell is going to happen. because of this, i am forced to get prenatal care asap, even though i wanted to keep this all a secret for another few months.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Reason FBI is Afraid of OIG

I think there is a very good reason the FBI personnel I knew is afraid of an OIG complaint made by me.

They may be less concerned now, thinking they can point and call me crazy, but I contacted the OIG long before any of these "crazy" claims had any weight through fraudulent means. The FBI always knew they had something to be concerned about, as did Sgt. Austria, or they never would have tried to take out some of the facts of my report, and throw this under the rug.

I think the OIG will find some interesting things if it investigates, and I'm giving them this opportunity, because this is now my number 1 priority, aside from taking care of this missed miscarriage.

News Shows CPS Has Endangered My Son

Here is a small sampling of some of the most recent news about Mexico from The New York Times, which shows what kind of environment CPS put my son in, when they put him at risk by letting a family take him to Mexico, when there has been no termination of my parental rights, and they should have considered my son's welfare, and not the "holiday plans" of another family:

Drug Trade, Once Passing By, Takes Root in Mexico

As cartels have grown in power, they have opened up local markets for cheap forms of highly addictive drugs.
October 3, 2007WorldNews
With Bombings, Mexican Rebels Escalate Their Fight

The shadowy Marxist rebel group that has rattled Mexico in recent months by bombing natural gas pipelines has a long history of financing its operations with kidnappings.

Kidnapping Negotiator Is Now a Victim in Mexico

An American security consultant who has helped negotiate the release of scores of kidnap victims in Latin America was himself kidnapped last week in northern Mexico.
December 16, 2008

Imaginary Kidnappings

Kidnappings are a daily occurrence in Mexico. So when a resident of Monterrey or Puebla receives a phone call with news that his son or daughter has been snatched, he has every reason to believe the tale -- especially if anguished screams are audible in the background. Terrified, the parent may readily obey the caller's instructions to wire ransom money posthaste or leave a sack of jewelry in a nearby alley. Only later will the victim realize the truth: the abduction was a sham. Such swindles, ...
December 14, 2008

An American’s Lament: ‘I Was Deported, Too’
An American’s Lament: ‘I Was Deported, Too’

Between January and September, Mexico deported 350 Americans, some of them lawbreakers, but others merely travelers lacking proper paperwork.
December 12, 2008

Killings in Drug War in Mexico Double in ’08
Killings in Drug War in Mexico Double in ’08

Mexico’s attorney general tied the increase in deaths to a battle for control among cartels and a power vacuum created by high-profile arrests and seizures.
December 9, 2008

Confronting His Culture and Himself

For the artist Daniel Guzmán, inspiration can be found in everything from Aztec symbolism to horror films.
December 7, 2008

* From Mexico, With Love and Violence

Hospitals Now a Theater in Mexico’s Drug War
Hospitals Now a Theater in Mexico’s Drug War

Mexico’s violent drug war is finding its way into the seeming sanctuary of the nation’s hospitals.
December 5, 2008

Mexico’s Unsuccessful Drug War, Painfully Preserved and Hidden
Mexico’s Unsuccessful Drug War, Painfully Preserved and Hidden

Run by the Mexican military and open only to graduating cadets and select guests, the Museo de los Enervantes presents the drug war in all its ugliness and complexity.
November 27, 2008

In Mexico, an Ownership Fight Sends an Art Collection Into Hiding
In Mexico, an Ownership Fight Sends an Art Collection Into Hiding

A legal battle is unfolding over the rightful ownership of a collection of 20th-century Mexican art.
November 27, 2008

A Radiant Coast of Mexico, Blighted by Drug Wars
A Radiant Coast of Mexico, Blighted by Drug Wars

As lack of safety from drug trafficking encroaches on Baja California, business travelers have to make adjustments to their habits.
November 25, 2008

Owed Back Pay, Guest Workers Comb the Past
Owed Back Pay, Guest Workers Comb the Past

Guest farm workers can now collect a payment of wages, decades overdue, from the Mexican government.
November 24, 2008

* Getting Their Due

Mexico Arrests Ex-Chief of Antidrug Agency
Mexico Arrests Ex-Chief of Antidrug Agency

Noé Ramírez Mandujano is the highest-ranking official to come under suspicion in a purge of police and prosecutors for possible ties to drug traffickers.
November 22, 2008

In Drug Inquiry, Mexico Arrests Another Top Police Official

The arrest of Ricardo Gutiérrez Vargas, who worked as Mexico’s main liaison with Interpol, was the latest blow to Mexico’s police forces.
November 19, 2008

For More of Mexico’s Wealthy, Cost of Living Includes Guards
For More of Mexico’s Wealthy, Cost of Living Includes Guards

As drug-related violence spirals out of control, security measures have become a way of life for Mexico’s affluent.
November 17, 2008

Mexico Crash Inquiry Points to Pilot Error in Turbulence
Mexico Crash Inquiry Points to Pilot Error in Turbulence

Authorities said that the pilot of a small government jet that crashed last week, killing Mexico’s interior minister, flew too close to a jumbo jet and lost control of the plane.
November 15, 2008

The Novelist in His Literary Labyrinth
The Novelist in His Literary Labyrinth

Roberto Bolaño’s five-part posthumous magnum opus is grounded in the real chronicle of unsolved sex crimes in Ciudad Juárez, Mexico, with hundreds of women dead and the identities of their killers still unclear.
November 13, 2008

5 Die in Shootout at Mexican Jail

There has been a wave of killings in Mexican jails over the past few months, as the battles between rival drug cartels carry over to prisons.
November 8, 2008

Protecting Herself as Much as Her Drug Lord Clients
Protecting Herself as Much as Her Drug Lord Clients

Silvia Raquenel Villanueva, Mexico’s most prominent “narco abogada,” or lawyer to the drug lords, continues to receive threats, which she deflects with prayer.
November 8, 2008

Recorders Found in Mexico Jet Crash

Two in-flight recorders retrieved from the wreckage of a small jet that crashed this week, killing Mexico’s interior minister, were being examined.
November 7, 2008

Mexico Tries to Curb Plane Crash Rumors
Mexico Tries to Curb Plane Crash Rumors

Officials tried to rein in speculation that swirled over the cause of a plane crash that killed 12 people, including two officials who once led the fight against the country’s violent drug cartels.
November 6, 2008

Where Doves, and Threats of Danger, Fill the Air
Where Doves, and Threats of Danger, Fill the Air

Hunters in Mexico have started adapting their operations as the government has taken on violent drug gangs near bountiful bird grounds.
November 6, 2008

* Pushing the Limit

Mexico’s Interior Minister Killed in Jet Crash

The minister, Juan Camilo Mouriño, and seven others were killed in Mexico City.
November 5, 2008

Killing of 5-Year-Old Kidnapped From Market Shocks Mexico

Kidnappers killed Javier Morena, the oldest son of a poor family that sold fruit at a market, by injecting acid into his heart.
November 4, 2008

In Mexico Drug War, Sorting Good Guys From Bad
In Mexico Drug War, Sorting Good Guys From Bad

In Mexico’s drug war, the reality is that many bureaucrats are serving both the taxpayers and the traffickers.
November 2, 2008

Mexico Pays Fishermen to Help Save a Species

The offer of payments was intended to save a small porpoise that is threatened with extinction as an unintended byproduct of commercial fishing.
October 29, 2008

Officials Say Drug Cartels Infiltrated Mexican Law Unit

Five officials in the attorney general’s elite organized crime unit, receiving as much as $450,000 a month to feed secrets to a major cartel, were arrested.
October 28, 2008

Mexican Drug Lord Is Arrested

Mexican security forces have arrested the drug cartel leader Eduardo Arellano Félix, one of the international traffickers most sought by the United States.
October 27, 2008