Given Methergine

I am answering my own questions again. I need to find a song about someone who is tired of always having to answer their own questions. There's a thrill in it, but it's tiresome too.

I was given 2 prescriptions: one for Percocet for pain, and the other for Methergine. There were slight smiles as I was told, anxiously, to take this to help with "cramping" and told my placental lining or uterine lining was very thick and needed to be thinned out and this would help.

After researching ectopic pregnancy, I discovered Methergine is the treatment used to ABORT ectopic pregnancies.

I don't think they'd just give me this Methergine, if this wasn't the point, but they certainly didn't tell me that. They told me I had an ectopic pregnancy and said to take Methergine for "cramping" and other stuff, and then said to come back, after taking it, in 2-3 days to check HCG levels.

They want to abort this ectopic pregnancy, by having me take Methergine, and then wanted to make sure, 2-3 days later, that it was a "done deal"!

Okay, if the fetus is already DEAD, I could understand this, but whatever happened to informed consent? I'd like to make my own choices about my own body and it's not THEIR choice to abort any child of mine, no matter where it's growing.

If it's dead, I've no problem taking Methergine. But if it's ALIVE, I want to see a hospital that will be open-minded to helping me support this pregnancy as long as I can.

My ovary is already ruined, it's clear. It's only my life, now, that's at risk. I've escaped death about 100 times already, and am constantly tortured and having my children taken from me, and damaged, through various means.

I am giving this kid a FUCKING CHANCE because to me, it is symbolic of someone trying desperately to survive, against the odds, and I am supportive of this kind of will, even if it endangers my own life. If it lives, it will be a miracle baby. There is even a chance it could grow to a halfway viable age, and then be delivered early and kept under monitors until it's older.

After everything I've been through, I want to give someone else a chance too.

I already know how to put someone else's life before my own. I've had people claim I'm so selfish and only think of myself and that's not true. If I were so selfish, I never would have made reports and complaints I've made. I did it, out of concern for public interest and protection, whether people believe me or not. It would have been much easier for me, personally, to shut up and not risk retaliation. I did it because I felt it was the right thing to do, and I DID care about others. Even the rights of others who hated ME. I am not perfect and I'm a terrible person in other regards, but I've not tried to hide this from anyone. I've been a completely open book--multifaceted, and everyone knows of my faults and sins.

I am okay with this. What I wish people understood about me, is that I never asked to be a "martyr" and I wasn't trying to do this or seeking this on my own. Things came to, or happened, which I was given a choice about. To report or keep quiet. I chose the road less traveled by, and that has, as Frost says, made all the difference. I have peace in my heart despite all of the trauma and misery and even damages to myself.

So when I am willing to risk my own life, to support someone else's will to live, it is not a foolish act of postpartum grief over losing the other child. It is not a sentimental proud and willful attempt to "be" a martyr. It is consistent with my values, to be willing to risk harm to myself, in order to give others a chance.

I don't want to die. I want to live. But I cannot kill any life, that God granted a will to live. I want to be smart and protect myself, and find the best possible care and strategy to prevent the loss of my own life. I didn't just surrender in that last hospital, to die of bleeding to death. I fought for my life, all the way, and was foremost concerned to not even pass out so I had a fighting chance to call others for help. So I don't have a death wish. Maybe this is how I'm going to die, I don't know. I don't want to leave my son behind. But I cannot, under any circumstances, kill my own flesh and blood and I hope, that if this is a live being that is inside of me still, that God will honor my decision and others might help me to try to a good outcome.

I think this other one is a girl. I've always thought my kids were going to be girls, and that's one thing I've always been wrong about. But I sort of think this one is a girl.

I will take Methergine if the life is dead already. I'm not taking anything to kill it off.

I am extremely feminist in a lot of ways and deplore the way society treats women still, and how there is still a double-standard. I am more feminist than the majority of women I know, and I'm very accepting of the gay-lesbian community and chimeras and all the variations of life and our different choices. But what's a little different about me, is my sincere belief about life and conception. I think it's excusable when we didn't really know how things were inside, when we thought it was just a blob, and couldn't see. But now we can see things, and it's really horrible what is done to the unborn.

However, I read, in the Washington Post, some time ago, a man talking about his group's efforts to protest abortion--a Catholic group that went to the Planned Parenthood on NW D.C. and held vigil, and he said, in his mind, every woman going in was having an abortion.

I am here to tell you, you are mistaken. I was greeted the first time I went in, by a single woman who was quietly praying. I just sort of acknowledged her but walked by. Same thing the second time, when a huge group was assembled outside, on the sidewalk, and I have a message for those of you in this group:

You scare people. You look scary too, because you were all wearing long black wool coats and carried crucifixes and had hats on and it was like something out of "The Scarlet Letter" or medieval England. Most of you looked at me in hatred, like I was the "killer" of babies, but a couple of you were nice and one of you offered a tract to me from the Blessed Mother, with a chain for praying the rosary. I declined politely and you were also polite.

You should know, not every woman going to Planned Parenthood is getting an abortion or even considering it. I never was. I went to them, only to get confirmation of my pregnancy and because it was the cheapest alternative for getting a postive blood test.

I respect your intentions, but try not to get so dramatic and emotional. It's not always what it looks like on the outside, and those who DO choose to have abortions are not bad people either. They either really don't have a problem with it and feel okay with their choice, and don't have a lot of information (or choose not to) and the others don't WANT to have an abortion but feel there is no other choice.

This society does not support the rights of single women, or men, who want to raise children or families on their own. It punishes them.

It would be good to find ways to support the rights of women, which is a pro-woman stance, and blend this with supporting the right to live of an unborn. This could be done by actively planning a support system and means for women to have their children and be successful, instead of only giving them these options: poverty and social shame or ostracization; adoption; or abortion.

Single women are not the breeders for couples who want to adopt. Get that through your heads CASA, CPS, state, and society. We are not your meal ticket out of expensive fertility treatments. You have your burdens and we have ours. Those who want to adopt should have easier ways to adopt those that really need homes, who are sitting in horrible orphanages throughout the world, desperate for human contact and touch. Single women need better support and appreciation from society, that we too, can make positive contributions, and that our choices are not "mistakes" and indicators of "risk factors".

Stop the discrimination and make the world a better place.

And don't fucking try to pawn off your Methergine as an anti-cramping formula when we all know what it was really for.

Well, disclaimer, Methergine really IS used, in one use, to stop uterine hemmorhage. See this: Methergine® (methylergonovine maleate) is a semi-synthetic ergot alkaloid used for the prevention and control of postpartum hemorrhage.

It is something that would be good for me to use because I'm still bleeding heavily, especially after they removed whatever was stuck when I went to George Washington Hospital. However, I was also told to go back in 2-3 days to check pregnancy hormones levels and be sure they're "going down", after I was told I have an ectopic pregnancy. It is specifically NOT to be used if there is a live fetus, because it will kill it.

Start respecting the intelligence, rights, and choices of women, to carry a baby to term, and stop pressuring them to abortion through social punishment and involvement of the state.

This is my stance, and it is both Pro-woman and Pro-life. I am for the lives of both the woman AND the child and they do not have to be mutually exclusive. We CHOOSE to put women between a rock and a hard place and discriminate against them--one group claiming they're not "feminist" enough and the other group claiming they're "baby killers". There is a middle ground that no one wants to go to, that supports both the rights of women AND their children, and these things need to be explored.

Same thing with right to death. If some elderly didn't feel pressured, by the legal right to die, and had better support, they wouldn't even consider ending their own lives. When people are given hard choices, they do the best they can do with them.

Most single women end pregnancies, by choice, because of "timing", because they know this society will punish them and set them back, if they choose to go ahead with the pregnancy. Their careers will suffer, their social status and options will suffer, and their ability to get ahead will suffer. There are other reasons as well. No woman should be told she must choose either herself or the unborn baby, or to just hand the kid over to "established mother-father" parents. Two-parent families are not better because there are two parents of a different gender, or because there are two of them. Single women can, and will, be excellent providers and parents, and make better homes for kids than many 2-parent families.

Stop the discrimination and work to support women and the full spectrum of their rights. We will see evidence of "progress" when women no longer feel pressured to have an abortion because society tells them the "timing" isn't "right". It is not society's God-damn right. Then you've got the population people who just want everyone to die and no one to get pregnant because we're all going down with overpopulation. Give me a break, and make your choices for yourself then, to not have children. Don't put that pressure on everyone else.

And if churches and religious are so concerned about the unborn, start expanding your concern to the women and men too, and offer them practical support. If a woman chooses not to abort, how are YOU, personally, and how is your church, going to support that family? Unless you are willing to offer a hand, you have no right to tell women what they should be doing, when they hardly have alternatives and don't have this "blind faith" like you, or feel comfortable living their lives knowing they gave up their own child to another family.

You could start providing these women with promises, and commitments, to take up the slack, and give them assurance of practical assistance. Not just prayers, not just pointing them to the state to be prejudiced against and stuck in a cycle, and not just adoption agencies. Don't offer to take the baby--offer a woman, for once, to take both HER and her baby under your wing until they are established. Then, you could claim to know something about "true religion".

Start looking at what the Children's minister of Scotland has proposed. That woman, is a smart woman and I would almost move to Scotland just to support her ideas for programs and policy change. She has a head on her shoulders. Oh, another good example of a country finding balance, is France. Take a look at how they support women, even single women, in their pregnancies.

I decided to change the title of this post. It was far too dramatic. I was told by the pharmacist that Methergine is given to abort ectopic pregnancies, and this combined with my prescription for it, and the announcement I've an ectopic, and the idea of going back to check HCG just heightened all of my concerns. I know it is good for helping with hemmorhage after miscarriage, so I DID actually buy the prescription and I took it home and have it here. But I just want to check other things out first, before using it.

Happy New Year Everyone. Hope it's a good one.