Saturday, April 30, 2011

More Crime (Poisoning of My Mom, Son, and Me)

More crime occured tonight and instead of ignoring it as usual, I called 911. And I have nothing better to do tonight, than write about crimes that have occured and continue to occur and how the U.S. law enforcement and FBI seem to be totally worthless.

Before getting into details, what is incredible is that I felt this hope from somewhere, that I was going to start going into bars and listen to bands and comedians and music and


There is nothing in me that wants to party or "have a good time" when my son and I are tortured and held hostage in the U.S.

This is not ME-In-D.C. This is ME-3-Years-Later without my son. And knowing now, what I know, you have got to be kidding me if you think I'm going to go out and join in on social things with people who have their kids and are not tortured and try to relate to them and joke around while my son is suffering and wants his mother.

I will start up a Union of activists and civil rights protesters before I will ever set foot in a bar or comedy house to joke around. I have zero interest in anything romantic with anyone and no desire to be superficial when I have incredible things happening to me and my son.

And crime occuring on a daily basis with no checks or oversight.

What I did tonight, was call a bunch of private forensics people. Well, let me back up a little.

First I was trying to just go to the shelter to sleep tonight. But someone thought it would be more fun to have me leave and track what I do and where I go, because I was sitting there, and someone zapped the heck out of my heart. It felt like a very fast laser voltage and there was something that was pulsing before that. I looked behind me and it was all black women, which is fine, I mean, I was the one choosing to sit there, but it's not fine when I'm being assaulted again.

I have been assaulted on such a regular basis I don't even report it anymore. I just let it happen. It happens all the time and has been happening all the time since I moved here a couple of months ago. Someone has been trying to control my family too and I finally figured it out--that some of the advice they give me they don't even want me to take. Someone is pressuring my family to say things or recommend things to me, and to withhold assistance from me. It's not just what they want to do. They're being forced into it.

I went to the shelter and was totally zapped there and more than once and then this one time it was so strong I turned and looked behind me and then these women were smirking and I saw that they knew and expected a reaction from me. They wouldn't have had the looks on their faces that they had if they didn't know. A couple of them even hurridly looked out the window in a dramatic way, as if to suggest it was someone outside of the building on the other side of me.

I got up and didn't know what to do. They hadn't started chapel at all. They only took roll and I wanted to stay there and sleep and get a good night's rest and this assault made that impossible. Then this woman came back and said I had to go to chapel and I was standing there and about to leave and had my bag with me and then the movie with the "Katherine-with-allergies" came on. I would have stayed there and watched it, and gone to bed, if someone hadn't been torturing me and assaulting me while I sat there. There is this one woman there who is Catholic and she is on staff and stared at me like she HATED me when I was leaving. Then another staff person, whom I've already talked about before, was there.

I had to leave because I was being tortured. So I left and then called 911 and reported having been the victim of a crime and wanted someone to check out the metal detector. I said, "Someone got in with a device and that metal detector is not working--I just went through it with my cell phone and a pocketful of change and it didn't go off at all, and someone got in without having their bags checked or the detector working. I had to leave because I was assaulted.

How long do I have to live like this?

I may as well be dead.

The United States has allowed citizens and employees of the U.S., along with foreigners, to assault and intimidate my family, my son, and me. They have been targeting and using my son and my son has suffered horrendous things. I have been attacked by some of the most violent people in the world, who decided to torture me and let me live rather than kill me.

I have to deal with corrupt people on every single level. I couldn't go to work without being tortured from the first day. I think I had a week of training free of torture and then immediately they started it up and I worked in the middle of these conditions for months.

I'm not staying in Nashville. There are too many Catholics and Jews and then idiots from out of the area coming through whenever they want. I am in the Catholic-Jewish hood and this is not going to go away. I thought I could make a new start here and at first, the ones here hadn't figured everything out. So I guess it took a month or so to be fully indoctrinated and trained and then commissioned to commit crime against me. I should have done a map-check of temples and churches before I decided to come here. Some of the Baptist or Methodist have been hateful but then I usually find out they're not even really christian at all, or they are even other religions and just claiming to be Methodist. She was Jewish and she didn't know I knew until maybe now, since I've written it out. This was just NOT well-thought out. I looked at wiki statistics first, I did. And it really was AMAZING for a month. I am telling you, I went from 100% torture almost all the time to NOTHING. I wasn't tortured at all except for once on the bus. I couldn't believe it and my energy started to come back. Remember? I was feeling so good, I was working out all morning at the gym and then WHAM. The criminals decided I was a threat and that my escape didn't look good for them.

I wore purple nail polish on my nails until I realized it was hiding changes in my nails that were obvious and could be witnessed by someone who might be curious. So I took off the purple nail polish about 2 weeks ago and left my nails bare, with the odd discoloration and grooves, and noticed most of the thick white lines had grown out but there was another faint one halfway through on my nail.

I realized something today. They're not going to medicate me anymore. They only wanted to medicate and bother to drug me up until the wedding and then they're going to let me go on the medication thing. Which is part of the reason they don't need me at work anymore. It's also why they don't need me at work for their military and church psychics to pick my brain and report on everything. The wedding acheived, it doesn't matter anymore if I'm doped up. You watch. And they don't care to have me there so they can torture me all day and dope me up and do research because they got what they wanted out of it. They don't want me to keep getting money now. They only allowed me to have a little money while they had a motive to have me in their watch and control. I have never spoken like this about a workplace in my life, but I knew that's what was going on with this one and the Jersey Mikes job. Possibly the Post Pub one too. I have to move fast to get the testing done because they are not going to medicate me anymore. Not that I'm taking chances, because today I made myself a bowl of oatmeal and then I realized, after pouring real maple syrup over it, "I had that maple syrup opened up in a location where I already know someone has accessed it and could poison my food or tamper with things if they wanted to." So I took the whole bowl and dumped it out. They didn't need me around to mess with anymore so they got a couple of complaints underway a week or two before the wedding date and planned to harass me and bring in customers to lie about me and fire me on a convenient date. And they did exactly what I thought they were going to do on the first day and I only stayed because I needed the money. The other odd thing, is that they fired me, but I had made complaints of workplace harassment which they did nothing about. They never wrote up anyone on the complaints I made and never talked to even one of the coworkers, even though they went out of their way to harass me. I thought, "If this is a legitimate company, they would recommend a transfer to a different location, not a firing." So I might approach the overseeing corporate offices and find out if I can try out being transfered to a different location. If they refuse this, after all the harassment and assault I experienced there, there is something wrong with the company at the very top. Which would mean it goes back to California and in that case, I would find out who is involved.

I left the shelter and walked to a place to charge my phone. Everyone knows who I am by now so it's weird, but still nice when someone is pretending they don't know who I am but let me into their gated community anyway. So they let me in and all I wanted to do was charge my phone using the outlet and that's what I did. So I charged up my phone and then called a bunch of numbers for private forensics testing. It got sort of weird because I was calling a number and it ended up being more about handwriting analysis. Then I was talking to "Charles" and asking if he was with the Cosa Nostra, the FBI, or just a regular forensics lab guy (he had an italian last name). I left a message on his cell with that much and asked him to call me back and let me know. Then I called and got the weirdest message about having called an anatomical diagnostics lab in the UK. I realized they meant university of kentucky but they said UK. So I left a message with them saying I was wanting to test for an unknown substance. After this, I thought I'd take someone up on their idea to call a mortician or dead person's forensic person. I was told they do they kind of work all the time and if I'm looking for a private one, to call them. So I asked the operator for a number and was connected and the phone reception was so weird--it was all crackly and sounded sort of distant and then they said, "We are a funeral home. We have morticians, and funeral home director--one moment will you hold please?" I said yes and I was listening to classical music and I started laughing out loud. It was the one funny thing of the night. I laughed as soon as I heard it and then kept giggling and then later after I was walking to get to a computer, I was still smiling here and there. It asked the woman, "Can I ask--what was the name of that classical piece playing?" because it was so inappropriate. It was hilarious. It was some over-excited swirling and whirling joyful piece. I mean, it was as wrong as you could be for funeral home music. It sounded like a frantic and excited rush to pack for a trip to London brimming with hats of every color and a rainbow trunk of outfits. It sounded like a dozen small whirlwinds bouncing off of eachother and hopping around like fireworks on the fourth of july, each complete with its own joyful and spunky, cheerful personality. It sounded like an Eliza Doolittle running into Gigi and deciding to taking speed together while they made a lavish dinner for company and then peeking out the window every 5 minutes while flitting around the kitchen, waiting for big news over dessert. It was as up-up and happy as it gets and light too, as though all cares just flew out the window, or right into the grave, liberating some tired caretaker.

So it was very inappropriate but funny because it was so bad. I loved thinking about how it doesn't have to have words at all and can be classical and still be so "off". Then, the woman started saying "alrighty" which made me think about Anne Crane. The Catholic woman with Middleton-friends-of-friends ties who screwed over my son and I by false reporting.

So it was funny but then I was having to walk to a computer to find someplace to write on a Saturday night and I'm not partying and have no desire to party. I have no clue what people expect of me. Here's an idea--EXPECT BORING.

Because I am not going to jump into a bar and start drinking, I want no boyfriend or hook up, I have no reason to trust women, I'm being tortured and ridiculed daily, and I'm not going to try to hitch a ride out of Tennesee with the Mennonite group that was singing on the corner this evening. I did desperate things and took higher risks when my son was first taken because I was trying to think of anything I could do, that would be fast enough to get him back to me FAST.

I have no one to thank in this country that is in control of Washington politics or CPS or the justice system. I know there are people who were on my side and my son's side and trying to help, because if there was no one, the other group of total criminals and torturers wouldn't have spent billions, 1,000 at a time, to trash me and kill and take out others who were trying to help.

These Middleton backers KILLED people. Killed people who were trying to help me and my son.

I started feeling positive energy just after saying "to trash me and kill and take out others who were trying to help." As soon as I wrote that much, a rush of good and positive energy again. I do not know what in the world that is about.

I can't say "christ" so I would say criminy in response to "christ". Thank you God for being close enough to somehow confirm this hard thing for me to understand. I don't know who did all of it or has been doing some of it but I swear to God, the Holy Spirit cares. Really truly cares. Whoever suffered or knows someone who died, has to know this--God must really care because I feel it so strongly in my spirit and don't give up hope. The odd thing is that I say "killed" and "murdered" and yet the weird thing is I don't know of anyone in particular but it was like the Holy Spirit just fell upon me and showed me this was true and then a peace, a feeling of deep peace and reassurance came over me at the same time, and this very smooth and seamless feeling of calm and "my cup is full" feeling. It wasn't like "joy", it is this other feeling of, it feels like love. It's like the feeling of having a glass of wine after having been hugged and kissed and then relaxing in the tub feeling very at peace with head back and just thinking of good thoughts from the day. That's why it's so weird to feel this, because it's the exact opposite of what I would think I should feel. Or, how you feel after talking to someone you really love, after having cried a long time and then talking to someone who makes you feel better and then you have a cup of cocao or coffee with chocolates and are looking at this newborn baby who you love more than words. This is why it feels so bizarre and is such a contradiction that I think it has to be the Holy Spirit. If it was weird meds or something, I would feel this up and down feeling at any random time, but I just keep getting it when I speak this out, each and every time. Like something is praying, praying, to be let out. Maybe even the dead or harmed are crying out from the grave relieved that someone cares and hears them. I love you. It's I love you too. That's what I sense, with the confirmation.

I'm going to come back to this in a minute.

I also, for some reason, see my mother suffering and being unable to say anything.

A few times I have been worried about my mom. I've heard what sounded like someone holding a dog, my mom's dog, captive and my Dad would never do such a thing. He doesn't even hunt and is kind to animals. Also, my mother got some kind of poisoning while traveling last. She became very ill to the point of throwing up. My mom doesn't get sick easily. All of us, in the family, we very rarely throw up. We throw up maybe once every 5 years, it's that rare. I threw up one time in my life the first time after having too much champagne and never cared to repeat that mistake and never once got that drunk again. It's very rare and my mother got so sick, and it was only by something she was given to eat or drink. The only other thing that happened was she had a lab done, with my Dad, and they both had their cholesterol checked. So that was an injection with a needle but done to withdraw blood. My mom doesn't get queasy over this kind of thing either. What was concerning was that while I was on the bus back from Madison after shopping for toys for my son (the same day I asked the question in the store), she told me this and I was sitting right next to some black guys who smirked in a disconcerting way and pushed a newspaper article over to me that was about "bad water". This, along with a clip from a paper about "3 women test the waters" and then it was about nuclear poisons, about traces of radioactive waste in the water. These men looked like perfect gangsters and there was a woman too and they were all staring at me and smirking. These men were not worried about my mom. They were leering and happy that my mother was sick and had articles with them, ready to show me, to make a point. This was a bus going from Gallatin/Madison to Downtown Nashville.

Why would they have these articles ready to show me unless someone over on the other Coast was telling them what to do while my mother got sick? I asked my mom, "Where did you eat?" "What did you eat?" "When was this" and she kept saying she was sure it was just food poisoning and said "salmonella" or something but I could tell this was not just her speaking and describing it this way and it wasn't my Dad. It was something else. She asked why I wanted to know and I said, "Because I will be faithful--" and then it cut off because my minutes ran out. I was trying to say bc I would be faithful to keep all the facts and present them accurately to someone if anything happened to her.

She had only been a couple of places. She had breakfast in Ephrata.

Like there are no gangs in Ephrata or people in Ephrata that might do something to my Mom to send a message or just make her sick or to get to me. She claimed no, it was none of that, but I know better. She said, "We have eaten there before and didn't have a problem." That doesn't mean that eating there safely one time made it safe all times. I asked which Diner or restaurant and she wouldn't tell me. It was a place where you can have coffee and breakfast. I asked, "What did you have?" and she said, "An egg." All she had was an egg there and then later in the day, around 2 or 3, she had a peach pizza pie, from Brian's which is a downtown place and she said everyone had that (her brothers, sister, and she and my Dad). This was pretty much it.

I know and I am sure my Mom had her food tampered with somewhere. I am positive. She doesn't get randomly sick like that. In Ephrata, it's mainly white, hispanic, and Russian people. I wanted to know what restaurant but it wouldn't be too hard to find out probably. Someone over there was coordinating things with gangsters over in Nashville because they were ready.

I am not the only one who has been poisoned and I've been repeatedly medicated too. My son has been poisoned more than once. More than once. I've been poisoned. My mother has been poisoned.

Why, exactly? Unless there are criminals in the FBI covering up for criminals outside of the FBI and sponsoring some group that wants to kill, embarrass, and torture my family.

I fault the FBI until the FBI gets involved. The CIA and military have also allowed others to have free access to my family.

Do you hear this?

While I have hordes of people swarming around me and mocking me about Kate this and that, and then acting a lot differently after she's married off to their satisfaction, I have these people in my family being poisoned:

My son, Oliver, just a child,
My mother

And who else that I don't know about?

I just started sensing the very good energy again. It is the truth.

People tortured and maimed my family and are still doing it, and a lot of this has to do with Middleton's backers. They are powerful and they have bought out a lot of people and paid people off to torture us.

For all I know, someone was interested in me all the way back to the litigation and then a group organized to go after me from that point on, once they found out. Then they kept it on the low as long as I didn't know anything.

It's big enough for my entire family to BE POISONED without penalty.

My family is being tortured in the United States by criminals within and outside of the justice system and by international people too. What is so "big" that my entire family is poisoned over it? These people who were on the bus, were showing me these articles about women being unlucky enough to try out radioactive waters and what is the point, other than to deliberately intimidate me or try to silence me, after coordinating a poisoning of my mother?

They decided to poison my mom, put some gangsters on the bus in the direction I would be going to get back home (only 1 bus, not too hard to figure out) and knew that I would be calling my mom because I do, every single day and I would do this after shopping. Not only that, before I ever called my mom, I had a few people acting out retching and throwing up in front of me. Then I call my mom, and she had become suddenly ill and said she couldn't talk because she was about to throw up. This was right after I had talked to the Irish guy who has traveled all over the world that worked at "Books-a-million", a store that has black with a cream or beige trim bag and store covering. Kate started wearing these colors together, over in the UK. This is the store where I was tortured with technology the entire time I was in that store. An Asian man followed me from the Toys r Us to the bookstore and it was a John something-or-other who took my order and I didn't have a good vibe from him at all. I came out of 2 stores in a row where I was being tortured there the entire time, and then I found out my mother had been poisoned and was ill. I believe both the man at the Toys R Us and at the bookstore were Catholic. Then there was the Asian guy following with an interest.

I don't even know if my mother is fully okay. She threw up and then said she had been feeling better the next day.

I know for a fact that my son has not been okay, even though my family has become good at hiding when he is not okay.

It was Irish or Russian following me and my son into Canada and then around with a van. They were Catholic. There are so many Catholic and Jewish in the FBI and law enforcement, they have been blocking us from having any protection or access to help. They have been supporting the IRA in supporting the Middletons, and a Jewish group as well. Which isn't a surprise when the FBI supported the IRA anyway as did the CIA. Who do you think was arming them? Little known fact that one. Then every single time something hideous happened on the East Coast or when I was being driven to the psych ward in Nashville and I sat up to see who was happy about this and remember, it was mainly people who looked Italian.

Someone was in bed with the Catholic church. And some of them worked with Jewish and others who deliberately wanted to support this. It was some East Indians (who support the Jewish) and some Muslim too (that support and work with the IRA).

Then this woman who is staff today and never liked me, said to me, "It looks like you're just completely out of luck now."

I might say so.

When I realize at the very last, last minute, why my son and I are tortured, and realize my entire family has been poisoned and in danger, I should say so, that when the U.S. stands by idly and allows this to happen, there is something wrong.

Then I was wondering about some other things, just at random, finding things out later...This one journalist, on the day or night before the wedding, kept saying, over and over and over, "It's going to be ELECTRIC!" and "This is just electric!" and all this stuff about electric this and electric that and I had wondered then what is the DEAL with electric? and I found out just today that the worship group my father started awhile ago which I didn't even know about has the acronym "WATS". It stands for Worship At The Shop (a place where it's held). It's not psycho to wonder about this and everything else when you're entire family is being manipulated, threatened, and poisoned.



Again, poison.

Poisoned in Washington State. Poisoned in Oregon State. Poisoned in Washington D.C. Poisoned.
Poisoned. Poisoned...

An almost 5 year old boy. A 4 yr. old boy. A 3 yr. old boy. A 2 yr. old boy. A 1 1/2 yr. old baby.


I have been poisoned so many times I have almost lost track. The first time started with the guy from St. Andrews. Who was going to St. Andrews, whose girlfriend was already going to college at St. Andrews. That was in...? what year? That had to have been in 2004 or 2005. That was the first time I can say for sure I was poisoned but I'm not saying he did it. I went out with a blond woman who asked me to go out with her and it was either her or the bartender. I had thought I might be pregnant though, and after voicing this, someone put something in my drink. The young man is the one who I met at Portland State University in the library. I sat next to him and started chatting and we were intimate and his father was from Iran was all I knew. He told me later that he was going to England and that his girlfriend was going to college at St. Andrews. He said, "Have you heard of St. Andrews?" and I said, "No." I probably thought it was Catholic, because it had "St." as a preface or maybe I did know. If I did know, I don't know how I knew. I am pretty sure, remembering, that I said no because then he explained where it was and what kind of college and showed me a photo of his girlfriend later. I became so violently ill after going out with this blond sophisticate, at a bar where the bartenders were Italian or hispanic, I knew without a doubt something was put in my drink. I had extremely bad stomach cramps as if I'd taken one of those pills for abortion. It was exactly like the symptoms that are described for that pill. I had then, back then, looked it up online because I was so sick and thought maybe that's what I had been given. I wasn't psychotic or paranoid.

Then, that's when police came up to us when we were together in my car, and said to me, "Do you know who this IS?" and I looked at the officer and said, "What? Why?" and the officers were acting so bizarre as if this was Hot Shot and did I realize I had been with Hot Shot.

As if I haven't known Hot Shots in my life. Why do you think they have liked me in the past? Because I could care less about their status as Hot Shot.

I got poisoned for being with Hot Shot and possibly becoming pregnant by him and someone put an emergency birth control solution into my food or drink. There is no other explanation.

When I think about it now, this makes me wonder who the girlfriend was that he had at St. Andrews. She was blond and he was, at that time, 19 or so. So he was significantly younger and so was his girlfriend but she was a little bit older. She has to be between 25-28 years old now. I might remember what she looked like. The police documented the visit. However, it was never anyone Iranian who did anything to me. Maybe the blond did something on behalf of me. Actually the bartender could have been Irish now that I think about it. If I check into it I might be able to find out which bar or club it was. I remember exactly how the interior looked.

How many people go to St. Andrews anyway? I was with him a few times but then not after the FBI showed up. The FBI decided to pay me a visit about an hour after he left my apartment. Less than an hour later. More like a half hour later. It was to interview me about my Bujanda and Garza misconduct claim. They ignored me until someone was watching me hang out with the St. Andrews guy. I met the St. Andrews guy right after the FBI agents, Bujanda and Garza. The FBI that came to my door after St. Andrews left, were the Special Supervisory Agents from California and the East Coat. They didn't ask questions about him, just about my complaint. I have been denied everything and any normal thing ever since. I have been deprived of FOIA multiple times and refused any kind of validation to protect myself and my son with. The U.S. has left my family wide open to be tortured.

My car vandalisms happened with the Catholic church problems and that was it, but then I wonder when other things were also coming into play and made my entire family a subject for harassment and torture.

Some of the staff at the shelter seem evil to me as well. I know exactly which ones have not wanted me to succeed at all. And twice I was poisoned with food there and I haven't had a bite to eat there ever since. I bled after being poisoned but never bled as badly as I did after being poisoned in Seattle. That was extremely severe bleeding.

It is 1:18 a.m. and I sense good energy right now. Some of it is technology and I don't appreciate it but before this I noticed real energy. I met a few Irani after that and I thought they were all nice, generally, and I loved their food. I had also almost taken Farsi all on my own, which is maybe more Pakistani than Iranian, but I liked the cursive and curling script of the middle eastern languages and thought it was pretty and that was the draw. And, I researched things because I thought if I'm taking a language other than Spanish, I want something that has a lot of beautiful poetry to read in that language and I found out it might be Farsi. Anyway, he was part Iranian and maybe his mother was? I don't know, possibly Catholic, I don't know and I don't remember. She may have just been white. He was very handsome, had very dark hair and eyes and tall with a fit psychique and wore glasses. I always wondered, when I was sometimes harassed by a middle eastern group, if sometimes the only reason for a few of them was this idea that I had almost been pregnant.

The blond woman I met sought me out somewhere and wanted to go out with me. This was before I was defamed by the major newspaper publication. I went out, dancing with her and I remember what I wore. I don't know why I remember this but I wore a negligee under my shirt that I had worn only one time before and it was the most scandalous thing I ever bought for myself. It was bright bright red and lace. I normally wore modest undergarments and had only a lace bra that I was embarrassed one time to find was glowing in the dark under black lights when I wore it once. But this one thing, was a full piece solid lace red negligee and I just wore it instead of separate bra and underwear and even though I wasn't a scandalous dresser when dancing, if my shirt went up a little, all these people noticed. It barely went up and I remember it was this big deal. I was wearing full length jeans, boots or heels, and a casual shirt and I went out with this woman and was fine before I had a drink. Afterwards, I noticed she was smirking at the bartender and they were all watching me carefully. It was right after saying to him over the phone I was concerned I might be pregnant. She took me out and I was cramping over with pangs so badly I couldn't dance and had to go back to her house. She wanted me to stay the night and I said no and took a taxi home because I didn't want to stay at her house after I suspected her of being involved in putting something in my drink. I don't remember if I just had a drink or also shared an appetizer. I was very sick. I was bent over sick. The other thing I remember though was that possibly someone got into my glovebox and tampered with something in my car because things were arranged differently. It was the looks on the faces at the club that sort of gave it away though.

The FBI has refused to give me any discovery of anything. I have no way of knowing how I've been defamed and who is responsible.

This many years later, my whole family is being poisoned and we all know the CIA is responsible. The CIA is responsible in the sense that they were interested in me from the time I was a personal assistant for Rabbi Rose or worked for The Thebaults in New Jersey. The CIA and FBI were interested and they have never lost their interest. Filing my lawsuits on my own, against the Catholic church, was another feat for notice. I am papered all over the place and never been allowed an opportunity to correct anything or find out who my accusers are, to protect myself and my son.

I have been medicated and drugged since 2004 and no one has protected me. They all just wanted to say I was mentally ill and invalidate me.

The U.S. has allowed my life, my son's life, and my mother's life and who knows who else to be endangered. The U.S. stood by, always knowing what international politics were going down. The U.S. arms militia groups but can't figure out how to give one of their favorite subjects a job and a safe place to live with her son. There are excellent people in the U.S. and in the system, but whoever they are, they have been intimidated, pressured, and blocked from assisting us. Each group having an agenda of its own. Then someone decided to use me and my son for research on top of everything else. I was a waste product to be recycled for use by the U.S. military and tapped to figure out why I was getting involved with people they paid attention to. Kidnapped my son. You kidnapped my son and hold him hostage from me and dictate to my family what to do and say.

You are criminals.

You have killed, maimed, tortured, have been murderers of lives. You have supported others who wanted to put others in positions of recognition because you were afraid of me. If you were not afraid of me, you wouldn't have brought in your military and other psychic research to get a handle on me before you had me fired. You wanted to get as many as possible to tap me and read me to keep tabs on me because you have been afraid of me. It's been for yourselves, not for me.

I am not done here. I have more things to write about, with regard to being tortured in the workplace and other things. But you have been trying to hide and cover for a lot more than you even want the public to know about.

What you have done has been like taking a flask or bottle of wine and hurl it with all your might to break into several pieces and spill out across my things. But the flask is blood. You have taken the blood of me and my son and others as well, and waved it under God's nose. You tore us apart and wanted to keep pieces of me and my son for keepsakes. It is no different from what they did to Jesus on the cross. But you have done this to a boy and his mother. And tried to shame, kill, and punish anyone that tried to help us and defamed me to make them feel embarressed or nervous about helping.

You know who you are and I am figuring out who you are too.

I am also thankful to some of those who have tried and for those who even tried to help me and my son and, I am guessing, died because of it. Someone died for us and others have just died when they got close enough to figure out what was happening. You killed others just to advance your own chosen ones.

Countless numbers have been tortured and poisoned. I am one who was targeted over and over and over again but I saw what was happening in Seattle to people and anyone suspected of helping. The CIA knows who robbed me of my voice. They keep quiet about it and they know.

My Granny said today, over the phone, "Grandpa was just telling me that the Pope helped to restore someone's vision." I said, "Oh." and then something about "I believe it's possible but I think what is more important than restoring vision is administration of justice. How much does he know and conceal?"

I am not trying to get something back that I late discovered was there. I am getting validation and warning others before worse happens. It is important that people know who they have been dealing with. A lot of false faces were dropped after this wedding which showed me a few things. A group of tall jewish men, for example, walking past me and saying "5" with their hands up and looking very guilty. Some of these people literally looked afraid of me because they realized I was finally figuring some of this out.

I just went to CNN and looked at the news because I haven't had a chance to do so yet. Of course, an ad about "don't let alzheimers steal your dreams" came up. In Spokane, the main form of harassment was being done by jewish. It was all over the place and some catholics too, but this one guy at the very start, was horrible. He kept telling me he wanted to recommend books about alzheimers for me. Supposedly he didn't know me at all and gave me his number and name: Jonathan. People there had staged so many mean things it was unbelievable. It was nothing but mean and that was following great harassment in Walla Walla and being literally blocked from even leaving the town by the bus people. I guess some knew what was going on bc by the time I was on a train to Spokane, the attendent even told me, straight out, "The people that care about you are sitting on the other side." So I moved and then thought about it. The side I had been sitting on was the one with the hill that had all the catholic hospital buildings and charities. When a total "stranger" is telling you, you're sitting on the wrong side, and it's the catholic side, you start to wonder how many other people know. I have people being so mean and degrading me all the time, I start to think everyone must feel that way about me. And then I realize, no, it's just a large group going out of their way to harass me. There was some very mean joke going around about my having alzheimers because I forgot some things because I was being medicated all over the place. Literally.
I had no problems with technology all night until now and I look behind me and there are 2 women here now that were not here before. The only other person to wonder about might be the male attendants. It's definitely a thing, this is, where proximity is necessary. It's 2 dark haired women and then there are a couple of attendants.


Someone is taking a small tree or a bush or plant from the soil. It's 12:08 p.m. and I was hoping to write some things and be directed by God to what I should be directed to.

I had this sudden impression, of someone digging around and pulling something from the dirt. I was just talking to someone about gardening earlier today though so maybe that's why. She said she liked to garden and we talked about this and then she asked if I liked to garden. I said I did, but hadn't been able to for a long time because of having no place for it.

I told her I just liked to putter a little though, and didn't want to be tilling or anything. She said she and her husband are landscaping and I said I liked having a kitchen garden next to the kitchen door where I could step out in the middle of cooking and cut basil or grab organic tomatoes. So I had an herbal and organic kitchen garden that I loved and I planted flowers and a juniper tree. Other than that, I like very large potted gardens on verandas. They are small projects too but I like having large things in large pots and maybe a few smaller ones. I once had a veranda that I put more into than the interior of my apartment.

I miss having a place of my own and this country has really done me in. Today I realized though, it's not the majority of the people in this country. It's people at the top who shouldn't be there, who have infiltrated all intelligence and justice system occupations to outnumber the common people and control them with their influence.

When I had a house, I kept a kitchen garden and gardened to classical music every single Sunday that it was nice out. It was my own tradition.

When I was younger, my family had an acre in gardens.

This is the song I wanted: Hosanna by Hillsong. Thank goodness it came on.

We have photos of the porch and wheelbarrow and all of these things, full of huge squash, zucchini, pumpkins, honeydew, watermelon, tomatoes, peppers of every color, cucumber, carrots, lettuce, corn, and every imaginable fruit, vegetable, and berry. Strawberries, blueberries (not too many years of those) and raspberries. I grew up running my cars and trucks and vehicles through the dirt in the garden, making roads, tunnels, and bridges. And our chore (for me and my brother) was to weed and take care of the garden.

I helped take rocks out of the garden, make paths for irrigation, plant seeds, and care for the plants. I took the hose out to fill up the irrigation paths and turned it off. I ate carrots raw from the garden. If I wanted a snack, I went out and picked it. I ate corn raw. Snap peas. Peppers.

It never left me because I then found it relaxing and nice to have a kitchen garden. At one time, I had an entire section in my kitchen, the walk-way, filled with clay pots, ceramic pots, peat pots and trays, seeds, trowel and all my tools, and my garden gloves. I had every room filled with green plants. I believed the more plants indoors, the better because of the oxygen exchange. I probably had about 40-50 plants in a small bungalow house that I owned.

Then I had my porch garden when I had an apartment and couldn't garden outdoors. I bought huge pots and then went to a garden place and bought an enormous red rosebush, a huge spring green tinted white hydrangea, laurel, white camilla and gardenia and jasmine and a tall and wide juniper tree. The juniper did really well in the pot but not as well outdoors because the soil had too much clay. The juniper is the only tree I've ever planted.

In my room at the apartment, I had a large solid white lace that I laid over the bedspread. I had a dried acorn and wood beaded curtain at the doorway. All the colors were white, cream, and natural wood tones. I had candles everywhere and then a slightly peach colored rug over the apartment carpeting and green plants indoors and no fake flowers except for a small pot of real-appearing magnolias. I had a wood easle that I set up in the corner of my room, which was tall, and I had an old watercolor that was framed and I had bought at an antique store, held by the easle. My oil paints were under my bed in a box. I had sheer white material for my windows and a few throw pillows. Some were cream colored or slightly gold and satin in appearance, others white, and one was a pale salmon rose color tapestry with cream colored tassles and shaped in a longer roll which I used under my head when reading. I had all of my books for nazi research lined up along the hallway that led to my room, stacked up from the library. It was just some tangent I went on out of curiosity. My potted garden was the most impressive. I then strung small white lights throughout the tree and large bushes. These were bushes and trees that stood 4-5 feet tall and then I had some smaller plants staggered and put out a tall mosaic table with two wire chairs and then at some point, other chairs and a glass coffeetable was added. My housemate had the gadgets, like huge screen T.V. that was newly off the market. I cared about the garden and art. When she cooked, she cooked enchiladas. When I cooked, I cooked for an Army. I didn't know how to paint small or cook small. Things kept growing and I always needed more room.

I was thinking about this and about all of the things that have been taken from me. Of all the things that were stolen, my photo albums and pictures were the most precious. I was thinking about how I haven't been able to garden or do anything that I enjoy because of jealousy.

Then I sat down at this computer with no idea what I was going to write about. I have to find a place that will do forensic testing of unknown substances but before this I put on music and then I was listening to the song about "greater things are yet to be done in this city" and how I used to pray for Portland, Oregon, where all my problems started, every single time I drove across one of the bridges. I had made a promise to God one day, that every single time I crossed that bridge, I would pray a prayer for Portland, Oregon and all the people there. And every single time I drove across it, I remembered my promise and would say at least, "God please help the people here and bless Portland" or "God please turn the people in Portland to you", "God let there be a revival in Portland," and "God please keep me safe because some of these people in Portland hate me. Forgive them." I think I maybe didn't pray a couple of times, when I was upset, but almost every single time. It was the only promise I made to God, for doing something on a continual basis, at that time. I kept this promise for the full 4-5 years I lived there. And I drove across it a lot too, but I can't remember which one it is now. They have a ton of bridges there. I guess I can look it up on a map. I just looked it up. It was the Marquam Bridge. One of the main ones.

I thought about this and how I had faithfully prayed for a City that was instrumental in first constructing horrible designs against me and implementing those designs wherever I went. And I had prayed and prayed for them. I prayed for them when I was crossing the bridge and could hardly see out the window because someone had stripped my windshield wipers from the rubber things that go on them to keep the rain off the windshield. Someone did this several times. I had people slashing my tires, vandalising my car, ruining the inside of my car, stealing clothing from me all of a sudden, running into me in hit-and-runs during my litigation against a major publication (newspaper) and the Mt. Angel and Archdiocese lawsuits.

So I thought about Portland when I heard that song and then I clicked to Oswald Chambers and randomly tried a different website for reading a daily message there. I didn't look first, just scrolled down and clicked and got one called "The Official Web Site of Oswald Chambers" and it says "Read today's Utmost" and it gives two options: In English (with the English flag) and In Welsh (with the Welsh flag) and I was going to click to a different one but then thought, they need God too and are part of whatever God is doing in my life because I can't get away from it, even when I try.

Then I heard the song Hosanna and saw someone digging something up to move it somewhere else. I read the Chambers selection and it's about Love and the spontaneity of love. How, if we love God, we don't plan out everything but some things we just do out of not even knowing why but because we love God. And how if we try to match up to the verses about how love is patient, love is kind, etc., we won't fit the bill because it's not natural to us but God can be love in us, causing a flow of actions or thoughts or words that come from the Holy Spirit.

I decided to click on something, or find something that might be something to read, from the 1st Presbyterian church and decided to randomly find something and I chose page 3 of options, not with the plan to pick that one but just did and then scrolled down and picked something else out randomly and got a site and clicked on it and the first thing to come up was "Conspiracy Theory". I thought, "What is a church site writing about regarding conspiracy?" and went back to look at it and I had to scroll down to read the rest of the words because all I could see was "Conspiracy Theory" and then it said, "The Life Of Joseph." It said to click on it to learn more and has a pastor named Richard Gibbons in a black jacket, blue shirt, and red with white polka dot tie.

What the ____?! I read his clip and he writes,

"Have you ever felt that life is conspiring against you?
Have you been looking for hope and direction?
In the old testament story of Joseph, we discover a man who is tested in extraordinary ways and yet is stronger as a result. In the beginning, Joseph's life showed very little promise: the youngest of 13 children, a dreamer who was hated by his brothers. So where did Joseph get the qualities of integrity, leadership, and godliness that enabled him to change from being a slave to being the Prime Minister of Egypt? Join us each Sunday as we see God conspiring to work in the life of Joseph. 1st Presbyterian is where change begins."

I am not sure where he gets Prime Minister. That sounds very UK to me and it's from S. Carolina. Anyway, that was interesting.

Then the next thing I did was go to a random page on page 7 and then to a random post and I clicked on it and it's First Presbyterian church in rapid city, SD with a pastor Bob Evans and a light shining through a grail into the dark. It's stained glass but looks like the grate above a prison to me. It made me think of a prison like that which Joseph was in.

Then out of curiosity I went to a 21st page for 1st assembly of god and it combined these elements and then something about the address of W. Pelton Sherman and I thought about my mom and how she sent this sermon to me from kathy pelton (which actually made me think about pelting) and the very minute I thought about my mom, she called on the dot.

So I have to go for a minute to talk.

I talked to my mom and told her about some of these things and about how the one site made me think of a dungeon with Joseph or of Daniel in the lion's den. Then I prayed to God after I was off the phone, just now, and turned to a page in my Bible, landing on, "They are like a lion hungry for prey, like a great lion crouching in cover. Rise up, O Lord, confront them, bring them down; rescue me from the wicked by your sword. O Lord, by your hand save me from such men, from men of this world whose reward is in this life. You still the hunger of those you cherish; their sons have plenty, and they store up wealth for their children. And I--in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness." Psalms 17:12-15. Then I read to the next few verses of the next psalm and it's about "I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my Rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my God is my Rock, in whom I take refuge." Second time today I read a verse about God being the rock.

I found out my mom was planning to plant bulbs today, which is something that came to mind today. She picked them up from my aunt while they were visiting and she was going to plant them after work. She said she was planting lilies and I wouldn't have thought lilies for some reason. And then I found out my Dad is leading a worship group tomorrow night. It's been drawing in a lot of people from different areas, to worship and I didn't even know they were doing this. I just found out my brother joined a worship too, about a week ago. I guess this worship team is a group of people that have been getting together for a few months now and it's grown and they just bring different instruments and worship God.

Skillet's "Rest". I don't know this band so I just looked them up on wiki. I clicked on "Petra" for a music style on Pandora and then kept skipping through songs until I got to this one and wanted to listen to it. Then I looked them up and they're from Memphis, TN and there is a photo of them playing at "cornerstone" in 2010. The song is from an album called "Invincible". Then I listened to Audio Adrenaline's "Ocean Floor" from Lift but there is a boy that is making a muscle next to the lyrics. On the other album by Skillet, it's a cover of a boy standing there holding a wire with a plug. Like pulling out a cord from the wall or getting ready to plug something in. The next one I got was with a photo of a boy making a muscle. They both made me think of my son.

I listened to some more Hillsong and then requested Skillet.

"The Last Night" by Skillet, which made me pause and then I had my Bible in front of me turned to Psalm 17 and 18 and I read the rest of Psalm 18. Suddenly, picking up from where I had left off in the psalm, I saw "The cords of death entangled me" and things came to me differently. Then "Three Days" album by Skillet with the song "Break" and then "Again" by Flyleaf on Memento Mori. Then "Breaking Benjamin" on Phobia. I was going for worship but there is a place for the other music too, if it has a message and I'm finding these songs to have good messages and I came upon them for a reason. "Better Than Drugs" by Skillet on album Comatose. "Shine Down" by Disciple on Disciple. "Smackdown" by 1,000 foot krutch on Welcome to the Masquerade. "Halfway Gone" by Lifehouse on Smoke and Mirrors. "Confession" (what's inside my head) by Red on Innocence and Instinct. "One Real Thing" by Skillet on Alien Youth. I think I like the first album of Skillet best, based on a couple of songs. "The Art of Breaking" by 1000 Foot Krutch on The Art of Breaking. "Pillar" where do we go from here, break me down. "Waiting" by Fireflight on Healing. I like the build-up on the waiting song. "Energy" by Skillet on Collide. "Crawl" Breaking Benjamin on Dear Agony.

I don't mind hearing this now and then because there is a time and place for everything. There is a reason I ended up on this today. "All Around Me" Flyleaf, Flyleaf. "Rebirthing" by Skillet on Comatose. "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns. "Hosanna" by Hillsong.

Went to I clicked on a link for a random assembly of god church and got this site. This is the address but all that will come up is the top and something at the bottom. At the bottom it shows, "passionate, real, multicultered, christ-centered..." but nothing is coming up on the rest of the page except what's at the top. Just red top lines for home, who we are, and heart and vision. and it's from cleveland, lydeburg, OH.

Verse Today--The Rock

Last night there was a sermon about how God and no one else, can claim designation as "our rock".

I pulled a verse from the Y basket this morning and it was "Sing to the Lord! For our Lord is Our Rock." from psalms.

And last night, I sang to almost all of the songs. They were all from scriptures of the Bible.

I feel like it's okay, I think, given the good energy I am still sensing, to write about a couple more things but I might have to think about it for a minute too.

There is more to "out" about people who were torturing me at work and a few other things as well.

But on the note of God as my Rock, which coincided with a theme about how we wake up and realize the fairytale idea is not what we thought, and how God alone is Rock, I thought I would add this, which I felt was not something to share before but is okay to share now.

In the middle of all this, and realizing last night that the U.S. knew about all of these things, and allowed torture of me and my son, I thought about how much God loves me even despite the intelligence and justice community, being run by people with their own prerogatives and agendas, failed us. Not just failed us, but contributed to criminal activities against us and against others. It is not the American people, at large, or all of those in the system, but those who got ahead, did some incredible and outrageous things. I know part of the reason why now, and it shocks me to the core. However, I also thank God that my eyes are being opened.

When I said something about people backing the Middleton marriage having committed crimes, murder, and other things, I had a powerful positive feeling each and every time and on this bus when I said it, it was right after talking to a man who was wearing a shirt that said on the back "Enemy of the State". I thought, there is more than one person who has been declared an enemy of the State and then persecuted. I also noticed, when I said, "...and I think people have even been murdered.." this man sitting in front of me hit the seat in such an exclamation of "you hit the nail on the head" that it was louder than any "here, here!" in any court.

I believe God will protect me and continue to give me discovery and people to help me and my son. God alone is my Rock and I am a "princess" to God. Not because any human made me one, but because God says so, and so are the others who trust and believe in, and serve God. Which is why I will share something I didn't share before because I think I and everyone else around me can take it this other way, that it is about what God thinks, not others.

I asked God, while shopping for toys for my son, to show me something that was very symbolic or would be different or pleasing to God. I didn't know what it might be but I prayed, "God, I am getting Oliver some things he has asked for but please show me what to get and help it to be symbolic even if I don't understand the meaning exactly." So I ended up in the candy section with all kinds of different trinkets, different characters and things. I was led to this section where there were push-up lolipops with Disney princesses on it and I walked away because I thought it would be weird. I had been looking for a girl figure too, because there were so many male hero or action figures and so I thought, with all the masculine stuff, maybe something about a woman. But I was then by the princess lolipops and thought no but then decided to ask God a question and said, "God, it doesn't matter what the answer is, but who is the princess?" That's how I asked it: "Who is the princess" and if it was a dark haired woman, that was fine, or a blond that was fine and if it was red haired, was fine" and I was sort of wondering if he thought I was. It sounds weird, but then I honestly didn't try to place my own hand and didn't look or think about it further and after having thought about getting a figure of a Little Mermaid for my son to represent me having lost her voice by torture and violence, I then just put my hand into a box that had the cover closed most of the way so you couldn't see what was inside. There was an open box below it but I didn't look hard at it, but it was an identical box with the same thing and I put my hand into the box above it with the lid closed and decided whatever I pulled out, I would trust God answered me. And I pulled out The Little Mermaid. So I decided to put it in the box of toys for my son, to symbolize my attempted destruction in the style of the little mermaid and how God believes I am a princess. "The Princess" according to the answer to my question. And it is God's favor that counts and when God speaks something to you like that, you had better believe it and receive it.

However, for obvious reasons, and for the idea that I would be casting pearls before swine or someone would freak out thinking I was trying to say I was "the princess" over someone else who was about to be married. So I said nothing and kept it in my heart and thought, "I don't know what it means exactly except to know that God really believes in me and wanted to show me what HE thinks about me even as I am degraded, tortured, deprived of my child, and suffer."

And God is my King. I love him.

And for some reason, even though I am despicable (and I am not holy-moly fanatic either), he loves me back even more and He is my rock and will fight for me. I stand before the living throne of a God who bows to no one and I will prostrate myself before my God and not be ashamed to acknowledge His name.

Whatever harm man does to me and meant for me, God has meant for my good and will turn into good.

I wanted to play a song to honor God and the one that came to mind all this morning was
"Come Let Us Return Unto The Lord" by Kevin Prosch or someone. I picked out a version at random and the video is sponsored by, it says after it plays, "The Worship Backing Band" and it about how even though if we are torn, God will heal. This is my band and the one I want to call my own. The one that is backed by worship, not violence.

It is by a youtube poster named "musicacademy" who put this up on April 16, 2009, and at the end the credits are from 1993, "7th Time" music.

Come let us return unto the Lord
Come let us return unto the Lord
Come let us return unto the Lord
Come let us return unto the Lord

For He has torn us
But He will heal us
For He has wounded us
But He will bandage us

And He will come

He will come to us, like rain, spring rain
He will come to us, like rain, spring rain

Come let us return unto the Lord
Come let us return unto the Lord
Come let us return unto the Lord
Come let us return unto the Lord

For He has torn us,
But He will heal us,
For He has wounded us,
But He will bandage us

If we ask, He will come
And send His rain on everyone
If we ask, You will come
And send your rain on everyone

Mercy like rain
Mercy like rain

We send the rain
Send the rain
Send the rain

For every child needs rain, spring rain
For every child needs rain, spring rain

Mercy like the rain.

"His Banner Over Me Is Love" by Kevin Prosch (youtube poster "angelmrpaul") on April 27, 2010.

Goring By Bull

Yesterday was one of the strangest days I've ever had. I felt so many people praying for me, and then there were people trying not to cry when they saw me, and others mocking me and breathing a sigh of relief. I felt good energy until the evening, about the time I called my uncle and asked about my son and there was just this heaviness.

It didn't leave for hours until I spoke with my mother and explained how odd the day had been and what things had been revealed to me.

I know now why my son and I have been tortured. At least, I know most of the motive and who is behind most of it.

I also know that this odd idea I had, at the last moment, of someone backing the Middletons, or of Middletons being "in bed with the Catholic church" is true.

I also had a positive confirmation, through the Holy Spirit and a bunch of witnesses, that people backing the Middleton marriage have been corrupt and criminal, and they have even gone so far as to murder people. I don't know who has been murdered but I had the strongest confirmation on this that I have ever had. Whether this is Jewish or Catholic groups or one in particular, I'm not sure, but it was to support this alliance and grafting into the royal family.

It happened sometime around 2 p.m.

I was fired from work yesterday.

I told my Granny that the strangest thing was that I knew on the day that I took the job, that it was to distract me and keep me in control of some group and then to fire me right before the wedding or on the day of. I knew this on Day One. But I waited it out, through all the torture, to see if it was true and it was. It is the first time in my life that I knew what the future of the job was and the motive for hiring me, before I even worked one day.

After I was fired, around 1, I went to the bus station and every time I had this idea that people backing Middleton were corrupt murderers, I felt this super strong positive energy filling me. I had first said it or prayed about it the day before, on Thursday, and wrote about it on Thursday-Friday while at the Embassy Hotel all night. As soon as I wrote it, I felt the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit. That was the first time I felt a physical spirit confirmation.

Usually, for that kind of subject, I might feel bad. Or, if it is wrong, I would sense something wrong in my spirit about it, for example, if I say something out of a wrong motive that isn't pleasing to God at all, I will feel a "check" in my spirit, and it will bother me or I'll feel guilty or wrong about saying something. Something will ring hollow. But that's not what happened, and so because it was so firmly in the opposite direction, I kept following this trail, to see if the confirmation was consistent.

It was consistent. I was then on a bus and I voiced this out loud to some people there. I don't know who was on that bus or if it was someone else somewhere agreeing in spirit, but I felt a surge of positive energy and even if I'm doped up, it's not meds.

I can still sense the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit is not subject to drugs.

I said out loud, to people on the bus, "I think the backers of the Middleton marriage, there is something wrong with it, like criminals or murderers are involved."

As soon as I just wrote this here, just now, I felt it again. Even though I am only explaining what happened yesterday. But yesterday when I said it, it was a sudden flood of positive energy that washed over me. It was so strong I wondered if someone on the bus was someone who was part of those looking out for me, or just a Godly person, or just someone who "knew" something and had knowledge of things. But when some people got off the bus, the spirit was still there, so I thought, this is a confirmation of what I am saying, my spirit and the Holy Spirit are confirming this to me.

It happened too many times to not be true.

I was suprised by it too, like I wasn't looking for this at all and it kept happening so I think it's right.

I also think I felt very happy all morning because someone I love was happy during the time I felt this. I had the best calm and peaceful feeling, and a powerful and happy feeling all morning and then when I was saying things about murderers behind Middleton backers and then it was evening that I sensed a depression from somewhere and a heaviness and I couldn't shake it. I didn't know if someone was sad at that time, or what. But I felt it and then it let up before I fell asleep by 10 p.m.

There was something that happened yesterday that made me strongly question, again, who was involved in wanting to harm me and my son or get at us.

I don't think Kate or William themselves had something to do with this one thing in particular.

But I had read only a couple of blips about the wedding and I saw the Middletons were going to stay at The Goring Hotel. I wondered why and something told me someone wanted them to stay there for a symbolic reason. I had no clue what it was about or whose idea it was. All I knew was that it was symbolic. And then I found out what it was about.

After they checked into the Goring Hotel, I had a couple of women at the shelter and someone at work even, holding up red cloths in front of me. One woman, literally waving it in front of me. Like I was a bull. I mean, I'm sorry, but it stands out when someone is holding a huge bright red cloth in front of you and waving it like a matador.

Then what happened next was totally witchcraft and confirmation of evil. Maybe God takes this and turns it around for good though, just as it is said, "They prayed to Balaam (Molech) to curse us but God returned the curse onto their own heads."

On the day of the wedding I went from the Hotel to the gym to shower. I didn't see anything except I heard a super short section of vows. It was a few words and that was it and then I was in the shower and the hot water wasn't turning on in the shower I usually use. It was just running cold water. SO I went to the other part of the showers and tried and it was fine so for some reason, just my section of showers was running cold. Then it changed and ran fine. I was thinking about how something was wrong with the marriage and how I had just written about murderers and it confirmed true in my spirit. I decided to go back and grab a towel and I just opened the door to put my hand around the corner because the towels are right there by the door and I grabbed one and the only thing I saw was the Queen, dressed in yellow, and bowing forward in front of the camera and I heard an "Amen" and that was it. The camera was on her and from an angle where she was captured to the right of the frame and sort of facing from the front and I don't know why she bent over but she did a little, or that is what I saw in a quick flash.

And I went to the bathroom and showered and still felt the positive energy. I didn't cry at all and I think it's because God had all these people praying and it broke through the cloud of deceipt that's been blinding me.

I had cut my legs while shaving, just by accident and then I noticed in the changing room that it left 2 large spots on one of my towels, across from eachother, one spot on one side and another spot on the other side. I didn't think I had bled onto the towel at all. I thought about the scene of Mary Magdalene or the Mother of Jesus in the video clip, picking up the cloth or garment that Jesus was crucified in. I made no connection to anything else until later.

Then I realized, later, when I put the towel into the bin, being the first at the gym to put anything into the bin, that someone had taken it out and shared the information with someone because then all these people were making references about being gored and how I was finished and it was all over. It seemed so strange to me that more and more I was figuring it out. I gathered, these people tried to reenact some symbolic idea of me being gored. And they probaby had some psychic figuring out a way to change a meaning of something to fit their own ideas to plan ahead. I thought about this, and thought how it is only bulls that gore. I had told some people how one of my great-grandmothers was gored by a bull in a field. My Granny told me about this, and how she walked stooped over the rest of her life. And then it hit me too, what was the major symbol that I told the monks at the Abbey about? A vision I had, or something they did, that involved a bull?

My own son is symbolized by the Bull symbol.

Before I ever had my son, at the Abbey in Mt. Angel, I wrote about and talked to a priest, Fr. Joachim, about a large painting they had above the stairs, of a bull. The painting was of this ferocious bull and I stood at the top of the stairs and Fr. Joachim had made some passing comment when I said something about it. Then later, it wasn't there and he looked at me strangely and said, "There has never been a painting of a bull there."

It became this major thing.

I knew I had seen a painting of a bull because I conversed with him about it. So then it was removed and they were saying it was never there. I then had email exchanges which went bad, and learned what a "Papal Bull" was. I discovered the papal bulls of mary doctrine and "infallibility" and I challenged these things, not by meaning to but by asking questions.

I realized then and there that The Catholic Church was in bed with The Middletons. They stayed at The Goring Hotel as a triumphant finale to persecution of me and my son by the Catholic church and some Jews who sided with them for whatever reason. And they had someone publicly discuss my towel with the blood on it, as a symbol of their triumph. They tortured people, not just me and my son, but others are well, and they killed people. There is a reason that I kept running into enemies, on plane flights and everywhere I went, who wanted to order Bloody Mary's. The only group that would get a triumphant kick out of harming me and my son and then making something of it with a joke over me being gored by a bull, would be this group.

I was so shocked, but at the same time it was even more confirmation of the Holy Spirit telling me that criminals and murderers had backed the middleton marriage.

Then, I had realized this, and then the next and last thing I saw was this photo of William and Kate in a car, and someone had tied the ribbon on it into a V in the front and I realized, someone meant for this to symbolize Bull horns and on either side was a red rose and then at the bottom was the white rose. The front of the car had red roses in the spots where I bled red spots on a white towel.

The idea was that I was gored by a bull.

Who do you think the Bull is?

And is it possible that someone was afraid that my son could have been the powerful symbol of a Bull that I saw on the monastery wall before he was ever born.

These people have not only killed and tortured people, in concert with other groups, they did this to a little boy and to me. And they killed people that were trying to help me and my son and killed others who weren't even trying to help us but figured out there was something wrong with the backing party. Someone was getting close in an investigation and they were taken care of.

Then I have to sit here and listen to David Letterman laughing with some guy wearing black talking about this helps Cleveland, Ohio to forget Iran and who the winner of the Golden Globe is, and on and on. These people spent billions on harassing and torturing me and my son, jailing me on false arrest,and they had hoped to do even worse.

Not only that, it is possible, though I haven't asked or had any kind of a spiritual confirmation about it, but it's possible that those responsible for killing Diana were also backing Middleton because it was the safest way to blend the enemy with those who might discover them. It may be that William married the Enemy and he didn't even know it, even when others tried to warn him. With this wife by his side and those who influence her, she could effectively bring whomever she wants in to cloud over who was involved. If William started having doubts or wondered about someone, he has Delilah there to stroke his back and cut his hair.

But what man has meant for evil, God can turn around for good.

May the curse of Balaam ("one that ruined a people") be returned to the heads of those who torture, kill, and confuse.

In the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior, God the Father, and The Holy Spirit of all,


Friday, April 29, 2011

Retaliation At Hotel Hermitage

I was retaliated against right after posting that I had been drugged.

It was while I was in a hotel using the computer and I guess they didn't feel the need or desire to monitor my emails any longer.

I never had a problem, and went in on occasion and they all knew I used the computer but never with anyone waiting. I was polite and kept to myself.

Today I left my bag unattended for one second and someone removed a stationary that was on the floor and I am not sure, but my cell phone that was stolen...someone put two the backs inside the pocket of my bag. I found them right after I left and someone had to have stolen the cell from me first, to do this. Not only that, it was 2 different backs to a cell bc I had two of the same and I had been missing the back for the one before the second was stolen and wondered what happened to it.

This security guard came up to me right after I had blogged about being drugged and his name was Kris. First this woman who sits at the desk came over and asked me what my name was. She already knew but I didn't say this to her. I said, "Cam." She said, "Kim?" recalling all things Post Pub in Washington D.C. I said, "No, Cam." She said, "What is your last name?" and I said politely and kindly, "Is there any reason why you want to know?" and she said, "No, no reason."

Then the security guy came over and just out of the blue blurted out, "Ma'am, don't come back here again or we will have you arrested." I said, "For what? You're going to have me arrested?" and he said, "Yes, this is a private building and we'll have you arrested for trespassing." This is the same place where a couple of times someone has used military technology while I have been there and quit when I announced it was happening there.

So I thought this was very interesting, especially because one of my coworkers who decided to apply for a job where I work, after I was there, is Sicilian Italian and I have pretty much gathered he is one of the individuals who has used military technology on me. He's gay and acts really nice but something was wrong. Then, the dream I had where someone was taking me to an outdoor market and I found the earrings but they weren't sapphires, that dream, he was the one in the dream and he got shady in the dream and then disappeared and left me at the market without a way to get back. That was my dream but I didn't divulge that part.

I believe he's pro-Middleton and thought I was in the way. He told me he had been hired to do all of the decorating for The Hermitage and he knew everyone there.

So I asked this security guard who was responsible for telling me not to go back or I would be arrested, and he said, "Janet Curtz" and I said, "Who is she?" and he said, "Marketing and Sales". If she does the Marketing and Sales, I'm sure she knows this guy I work with. She would have been part of the decorating strategy and wanted to be in on how to sell the place by appearance and features and market to the public.

By the way, right now as I write, I am at the public library and someone is using technology here since I've been on the computer.

Just the other day, yesterday, I was being made fun of by 2 different men when some guy named "Ryan" at the Y was putting on a whole "Ryan-Marine-from-Wenatchee" imitation. I saw how they mocked me and enjoyed it and asked if I recognized them. They said their names and then I said, "What do you do?" and they both talked in a gay sounding voice and then said, "Decorating."

There are only so many downtown Nashville gay decorators here.

I wondered why they didn't like me enough to not even know me but want to mock me so this is why I had asked. I hadn't been sure what to think about the guy I work with. At first I liked him but then I noticed an expression on his face a couple times, when I turned unexpectedly and saw him looking at me, that was sheer hatred. And then a couple of days ago I saw him smiling in this very tender way and leaning back and just looked "warmed" so to speak and so I looked and it was some tall Kate Middleton look-a-like that was leading a man who was slightly balding with a cane, out. I thought, "He is feeling reminiscent about Kate and William?" I don't know. But I had gathered also, more importantly, that when the technology stuff was happening at work, often he was one of very few that was around when it happened. So this made me wonder. I really thought he was on my side as a nice fellow employee until I realized some of the technology stuff was happening when he was around, and almost always if this other guy who knows police was around. Almost all of these people were catholic. Then too, some were wished-they-were-marines. On the day right before everyone really laid on the harassment, on Tuesday I think, she came in wearing a baseball hat with the print of my underwear on it and then was smirking at me and with other guys there, about it. She didn't have this hat before. She bought it to wear it around me for whatever reason and then laugh about it with everyone else. I guess someone watched my purchase when I bought the underwear and I just alternate and wash and wear 2 pr. That's it. I don't have money to spend on myself and anything I have I give to my son or try to save to help put myself in a better position to help my son. I am not spending money on ME. I have 1 pair that's black lace and the design of 2 roses is on it, in lace. Which everyone already knew about. And then the other pair I got cheap too, from a sales rack, and it's yellow and white cotton with specific colored little stars all over. Kelly green, pink, purple, blue, whatever. I didn't get it because I loved them but it was cheap. So this coworker comes in with the exact same unique pattern and then grins about it with the men who are coworkers. She is someone who said she was in pre-Marines training in high school and took classes for military prep even as a junior. She was hard-core into the military and then she was told she could go in because of a bad back and health problems.

This is on top of people pulling down their pants in front of me to show their rear ends, throwing things at me with a very hard aim, calling me cockroach and then on the last day they all, as a group, I am not kidding, got into a circle and then a line up against the counter that I had to go by and began taunting me. All of them. These people, knowing it was just me on my own, and then them, stood together to ridicule and make fun of me while I tried to work, saying, "You need some help." "You bitch, you need a check up." "You're crazy". "She is crazy. I have decided, YOU crazy." "Yeah, she's worthless." They went on and on about how I was a mentally ill, crazy, low-life bitch and how then they all started laughing out loud at me. There were at least 5-6 of them lined up where we pick up food in the kitchen. Then they did it again, in a group in the front of the restaurant but not loudly where customers could hear. But back in the kitchen, again. I finally burst into tears & said to the manager and in hearing of them, "That's it. I am going to make reports." So they started laughing at me and taunted me more. "YOU'RE going to report us? Go ahead! We don't care! Go for it. See how far you get." I then said, "No, I'm not just talking to them, I'm putting it in writing." So then it was, "Go ahead, it's not going to hurt us and it won't go into our file either." I said, "You can't decide what goes into your file or not." Not only that, they were repeatedly taking customers away from me that I was in the middle of taking to my section. Over and over, customers taken out from under me and given to other coworkers whose sections were already full. I am patient and I even allow others to get tables ahead of me at times and ask, "Do you have any tables?" to see if we can be fair and to allow for them to get something ahead of me if they don't have a table. But they were taking away all of my work. I had, all night, just a couple of people and then after they did this and harassed me on top of everything, I said I was making reports. They wanted to fire me and worked overtime for it to happen. After I said I was making reports they decided to give me some customers and took them to my section and I found out they all knew eachother. They knew eachother and knew the coworkers and made false complaints about me to the manager who was already worried I was going to write a report so he said I was a problem and don't come back until I talk to the manager. This is right after the bartender threw very hard peanuts, not peanuts in the shell but the peanuts, and something else, at my back. It was not a friendly toss. And she is someone who is really bad news. She's a Catholic psychic but I think she must do some kind of witchcraft or something too. If someone was doing something gangster and I was making note of it, she was right there to try to get them out of there. I can't say any names because I am working there.

If my reports, without names, are a problem, I think there is something seriously wrong with the whole chain. I believe they can fix this but it's being turned around on me when I'm not really doing anything wrong.

I have never in my life, ever experienced any kind of workplace harassment like it. Never. You would think I was working at a Sloppy Joes in the worst part of the Hood, getting paid under the table in some kind of ghetto sweat factory. But no, I just happened to get a job in the Catholic-Jewish part of town. Which, as you can see, really has it's rewards.

They have said so many horrible, mean and cruel things to my face and to eachother about me. And I have had some of them using military technology on me too, some really wacko stuff and I just tried to ignore it and alway hope it will be different every day. Some days are better than others, depending on who is there. But even though I didn't want to go to work because of torture or harassment, I still went, every day and then a couple of times someone would say to me, "You haven't quit yet?" or "You're still here?" and they wanted me to quit after they were through with picking my brain and experimenting and torturing me. I didn't quit because I need the work that bad, which is how people are held hostage and exploited in the real world. I need money and they know it so I get offered a job before something good comes along that's real (sort of like men & women in political relationships) and in the meantime I'm used, tortured, and have to take it if I want a paycheck at all. I was dealing with this too much, and all of these other legal things that were thrown my way, and college and trying to go back, to even look for a new job more than I did. I was trying to get different work and I think they want to fire me before I do. My goal was to still work there and then take a second job that didn't conflict.

I think right now the technology may be because I'm sitting inbetween 2 women who each have something with them. I moved and now I'm not having the problem. I am wondering if it was the women or something else but moving to a different spot fixed it right away.

I feel like some people really don't know who I am or what kind of standards I expect. I expect to be treated with a basic level of respect. I don't expect to be gang-harassed, tortured at work, lied about with customers, treated like a guinea pig, or called cockroach and degraded. I don't do any of these things to them in return.

Some of these people act like I would go for a man like that too, and it's so unbelievable to me. I have never, in my life, EVER, been in any relationship with a man who screamed at me. If any man did that to me in our relationship, it would be over unless there was some good reason and we were together for a long time. I have NEVER fought like cats and dogs with a boyfriend and I've never ever been harmed, touched, or beaten by any man in a romantic relationship or even dating. I wasn't raised watching my Dad abuse and hit and scream at my Mom. They had some respect for one another and still do and I have never been drawn to any man who was mean, verbally or physically abusive. I am not attracted to that. No amount of money, power, or incentive or chemistry could possibly draw me to that kind of person. And, to date, I have never once been abused by a boyfriend in that manner. Aside from things I've already written about. I value men who value women and treat women well and I actually notice and appreciate good manners or ettiquette. I don't know why so many women get into lose-lose relationships unless it's that their background was seeing an unhealthy relationship and that's not their fault but something to overcome. The most I've ever done is swear and throw a sandwich. I even sort of tolerated cheating if I thought the relationship was open and not firmed up, but then when I agree with someone to loyalty or talking about things, I mean exactly what I say. I am not one of those women who says, "I need your loyalty" and then is going to stay with the guy after he throws this in my face over and over again. If you cheat without telling me or discussing things first, after we make a pact, that's it. The End. I don't do "deals" on loyalty. What is good is that while I expect loyalty at some point, I am also very easy going, not clingy, and not jealous. I feel good about myself and unless there is something I'm really concerned about or has affected me or my family, I am never going to be a nag. I have been this way, easy going, with coworkers too.
However, in restaurant work there are temporary tiffs and tempers flare sometimes, but not to the level of what I've had to deal with.

So it's been one thing after the other and a lot more going down at work. All I wanted and all I want is to work and be left alone to do my job. I do this for others and am not trying to take their work away and I feel it should be done for me.

When I was at the Toys r Us in Madison, or near there, getting toys for my son that night, I was being tortured. It didn't happen earlier in the day, but that night and then this guy who was checking things out for me was throwing this clock out, which I thought was an odd gesture and nod to Wenatchee and Tennessee style. That clock was on the wall in the visitation room with my son and different people in Wenatchee were always bringing in a replica of it and then putting it at some location and making remarks...hard to describe. Like, leaving one on a desk where I was going to have an appointment, or, in the psych ward in Nashville, TN, the trivial pursuit man put one in his shopping cart where I could see it. There was already a clock in the room and a watch on his arm. Then this guy at toys r us picked up a clock like it, in front of me and said to the other checker, "I think we can throw this out now." and there was nothing wrong with it and she said, "yeah." It was bizarre how they were putting it. His name was john and then something like malchovitchz but it wasn't that, something that sounded slavic though. I then went from Toys r US to "Book-a-million" and the same torture happened there. It was just these 2 places. I took things to the counter and talked to the checker and asked him what his ethnic background was because I couldn't tell and we'd been talking awhile. He said "Irish" but he hadn't wanted to tell me which I thought was odd if he didn't have anything to hide. ? I don't know, maybe it was someone else there. He said he traveled a lot.

After I left these stores, I called my mother who had to get off the phone because she was physically ill. I thought it was strange and I got very worried because if people are doing these horrendous things to me, they are probably doing something to my family too. Most people wouldn't talk about it though because they know it sounds crazy and maybe they're threatened with worse.

Post Wedding

The main thing on my mind after I guess the procession was over, was that I was doped up on medications and no one in the U.S. has been willing to examine this.

If I was not medicated prior to this whole thing by U.S. persons for military or medical research, it has been sheer criminal acts done to keep me down, from writing, from getting anything done on my case with my son, to disturb and disrupt my regular state of mind and energy.

I cannot live like this. The only thing that made me feel like crying all day was this. That I am medicated against my will and the U.S. has refused to take any of my reports seriously.

I cannot, and will not, live this way any longer.

I got out of the shower, went to the sauna and relaxed for awhile, thinking of nothing, and then went to the change room with no make up on and saw the one droopy eye. And felt nothing. And that was when I knew...This is over.

I cannot say it's over anymore and do nothing about it. It is really and truly over.

I have one goal at this time and it is to get testing for unknown substance. This is my primary and only goal. I cannot have it done in the State of Tennessee.

I was going to go out of the country, but I am going to see if there is any place in the U.S. first, that will test ASAP for this, and if not, I will make arrangements elsewhere and get my passport expedited for this express purpose.

I am not going to live this way anymore.

This is not life.

The only time I've cried is, I guess, now, at 6:52 a.m. when I sit and think of how I have been the frog in the pot. I have told others to wake up while I stayed here and did nothing. I suppose I couldn't always do what I wanted because my normal reserve was not even functioning as it should.

I have stayed in a place that is dangerous and that has abused me over, and over, and over. I am very fortunate, if anything, to finally figure some things out. Why in the world I didn't before...God has His reasons. I guess if God had wanted to, He could have even broken through the torture and medication and distress and revealed to me what I realized only a few days ago. I began to realize the day after Easter. I don't know why. And then for 3 days until now, it kept sinking in even as I am totally doped up.

What makes me cry is this: "I didn't cry about the wedding. How do I feel? I can't tell and I don't even know how I feel because this medication has changed my thinking, emotions, and energy and horomones levels to such degree that I am not even myself and have no barometer for measuring how I feel."

I have not been able to write about things people have done to me as I wanted, even if I got a little more out, it isn't in the way I would normally write and just rambles all over the place. I become more mentally ill and sound more mentally ill when I am on medications that I shouldn't be on, for any reason. This is what makes me sound like a nut and incapable and disabled.

I have people using medication of me to disable me.

As if they haven't done enough already.

So I cried, because I am "with it" enough to know there is something really wrong with what has been done to me. And everything that has been done to me has also affected my son.

I wonder if anyone attending the wedding is drugged up or medicated. I would hope not. I would hope that no one is getting married while taking prescription medication because that would sound like grounds for an annulment. If someone has to be on medication at a time when they are taking vows, it is probably not a good time or right time to take vows. But I'm sure that's not the case and that no one is taking advantage of anyone who is on medication.

I have this feeling that it's something like lithium. This and possibly some anti-psychotic substance because it was affecting my speech the other day I thought, but I couldn't tell for sure because I had a blister on the side of my tongue. I think it's lithium or something similiar. I had diarrhea after I started feeling weird. I had diarrhea, vision changes (blurry), and a bunch of other things and these are all symptoms of lithium. Then it's like this medication will be somewhat latent and then all of a sudden, released again like a long term acting drug.

It's all I'm doing today. Researching a place that will test for unknown substance. My goal is to be either tested in the U.S. or outside of the U.S. within 2-4 weeks before it's harder to test for.

I am not the only one who feels like crying. This man passed me on a bicycle and all of a sudden, he saw me and almost burst into tears. I don't know who he was but I almost began to cry with him and that's when my tears were finally triggered, to think how sorry he is feeling for me, and how pitiful this is. I hoped it wasn't because of what I was wearing. I couldn't wear all 3 black shirts again so I was wearing the coolest one, with the flaps. Maybe that's why he felt like crying. I don't know.

I'm looking at penfluridol. It's a newer long-acting oral anti-psychotic and it's possible something like this was given to me. The other things I would look at would be marinol and birth control.

I think some of the people in the UK have been in on this.

I say this because about the time I was medicated, I had been to the Holiday Express and left my coffee unattended and then went back for more and this British guy and several other people were observing me closely. The British guy was freaking out as I was writing and then after I had this coffee he was saying "Thank God!" and acting like he wasn't nervous anymore and then this woman who looked Jewish and a whole group just started to watch me. I went to the McDonalds and had the pancake platter but it could have been this, or that coffee, or possibly, the only other option, is that a few days earlier I'd had a salad at work. These are the only possibilities. And sure enough, just like they wanted, I lost all momentum in the things I was finally getting done. That same day I had diarrhea, and a lot of other changes and my hair quit growing.

They drugged me.

Thursday, April 28, 2011


Tonight was horrible.

I had someone steal my phone again today so I was trying to get a new phone. It's not funny anymore. I have people stealing from me left and right. I went to a dozen stores and no one had any cell phones suddenly, forcing me to spend hours on a bus or walking around when I could have been blogging and getting out the rest of what has been going on.

I am sure he came over to see me. I don't know why I think this or when but I think so and that's why some of the people I stay with kept my curlers from me or my locker key or other things. There was this weird panic. He probably just wanted to know if I looked okay in person or get a view of this person who writes about his Mom all the time. I'm sure I disappointed. It's not like I have a lot to work with these days unfortunately.

I think what upsets me the most, is that bad people have gotten away with being criminal and evil and they are still coming across as "good" somehow.

So I thought I would just write tonight because I can't sleep after all the harassment that's been going on. For some reason, not as much torture though, which is nice. In general, the last 3 days the torture really died down and I don't know if they flew to England for the wedding or what. But it's a nice break. I came to this one hotel and there was something going on, but it's quit for now. Ahem. Don't sneer at me over my "flew to England" comment sir.

I guess I'll write about a couple of random things and then on to other stuff.

I asked God for a dream last night before I fell asleep. I didn't really get one I don't think. I had dreams but I don't remember all of it. The only parts I remember were these 2 parts where in one, someone was instructing me on what to wear with some bronze sandals I got (2nd hand) that I haven't worn yet. They come up through the toe and wrap around. This woman was telling me, "You should wear these with _________ pants." And there was some word for the pants but I don't remember what it was. In my dream, they were pants that were sort of loose but cinched at the bottom and came below the knee to about the calf. I don't remember if there were pockets or not. And in the dream I said, "You're right! I don't know why I never thought of that" and in the dream, I was thinking how it was perfect for these shoes and why hadn't I ever thought of such a thing. Then the other part of my dream was that I was standing in front of the mirror and either I noticed or another woman noticed first, that I had a huge loop from a section wisp of hair that stuck out like mouse ears and framed my ear. I said something like, "It's the Queen Elizabeth look." But that was all. It's all I remember.

Tonight I ran into some people from Sweden. When the man was leaving I don't know why it came to mind to say goodbye this way but I said, "Toodleloo". I never say "toodleloo" but it came to mind with him and then he walked out looking dazed but maybe that's how he always looks. I don't know that he was a good Swede because I noticed the military technology effect when he was next to me and when he left, not any longer and it hasn't happened since.

I had a couple of cars try to run me over tonight. One brushed by, driving fast, so close that they grazed my arm, the entire length of my arm. The other car wasn't going to stop and ran up right in front of me and then swerved at the very last minute. I am not kidding. I had to walk alongside a gutter by the road, because there were no sidewalks and someone thought it was funny to have a van go by very slowly that said, "American Gutter" with New Jersey license plates right behind it. Other plates were New York.

Then, I am telling you, there have been some very BAD things happening and I am not lying about any of this, and I'm very serious. My son Oliver has been tortured and continues to be tortured. As for me, it's been ongoing and someone is getting away with permanently ruining my voice, among other things. And it is true what I've said about a lot of it having to do with Jewish and Catholic. I am not lying about this.

However, it was so weird because I was being run into and harassed, and I thought, "Maybe I will just walk and ask God questions and pray and think about things tonight" instead of taking the bus. So I started to do this and then I was being mocked and run over practically. I think there were a few Asian people who care because I noticed. Some haven't been very nice to me but I am noticing there is some group that might care about me and my son. So I finally thought I had to stop and ask to call a taxi because I couldn't walk. I tried going down this one street and this woman just swerved her car right in after me and then drove by but it was all odd. I decided to walk to an apartment and saw this sapphire blue jeep or SUV and just thought, "Avoiding that door" and iI don't know why. Then, out of all things, I don't just end up at a Jewish woman's house--I end up at a More-Jewish-Than-All-Jews-International house. I couldn't believe it. I went around to the back and then picked an apartment and rang the doorbell and someone came downstairs and opened the door. I stared. I thought, "WHOA. She looks really Jewish" and she was helpful and nice and said no problem to use a phone (because all the stores suddenly were out of cell phones). Then I sat down and I thought, "What in the world?" She had a huge thing that looked like a giant mennorah on the floor across from me and a painting on the wall with a huge triangle in the middle of it, and then a triangle etched in the floor where my feet were, and then some book on the table that said something about New York. I didn't really look around too much because I was just trying to use the phone. At least she was decent and I didn't get a weird vibe from her but I don't know that I could say the same about maybe some of her associates or fellow Jews. She was wearing pearl earrings, a headband, this Edward and Belle shirt and then heart pajama pants that had a spring green string and then these packages and things I sat in front of all were spring green which at least made me think of my son. I decided to call police to report the cars that ran against me but then they said they would come out to the place and I didn't want that so I asked if I could call later and find the call for documentation if needed but they said it wouldn't show up unless I made a full report. I decided to just go back and took the bus. Then I ran into a guy who was Catholic and decent enough to look up a hotel I was looking for. However, I need to get back to writing about other things.

Today it was just like everything was over. It was a day where I was followed around and mocked, but the hype wasn't there as much. It wasn't as much of a pressured drive to get at me, they had relaxed enough to just bask in their work I guess. Which also said to me, this really was in part about this wedding and that I was viewed as a threat or concern. Before, at specific points, it was full force pushed and driven harassment, spells (seriously), torture, and an extremely determined attempt to block, alter, and force my direction. In the last 3 days it's been more laid back, like their work is done.

The times when these groups made such a driven and concerted effort was a few months after I split from my ex, and Mykal Holt right away went into full action to bring people into town to harass and assault me and she kept saying not to call Alvaro. Over and over.

I noticed another time was when I was at Steve Mays house, right before someone then said it was over and too late. This was when I had super hard hitting torture all the time, constant basis and it was after I was in Bainbridge I believe.

In Bainbridge and Seattle, I was chased all over and surveilled and assaulted and it was a massive, driven effort. I lost my singing voice, my tongue was burned, I got weird pigmentation changes after severe internal bleeding, and then next saw my son to see he had gone through much of the same.

Then after I was told "It's too late" I truly thought I was going to die again. I hadn't thought I was going to die since my son and I were in East Wenatchee and we were both dying. We were tortured so badly my son could no longer speak and it's not autism either. I was almost passing out. I prayed to God and believed we would die if we stayed there. And we would have. Then, at Steve Mays, I again thought I was going to die. I had no options and I was systematically tortured and I honestly couldn't take much more. My body was reacting as well with heart problems, I was getting laser marks on my face from assault from a distance, my stomach cramping and hurting when the dog and I were taking a walk, my legs swelled up to hideous proportions, and I lied about being pregnant, just out of the hope that maybe if someone thought I was pregnant they would stop. I was totally celibate but I said this to ward off being tortured. I noticed around this time that I was being told it was too late, Harry was reported as paying $10,000 for a round on the house in some celebration and I thought it was so odd that I had lost my voice, bled internally and profusely for a few days, been chased by Australians, Canadians, Israeli, a few Pakistani (just wondering what was going on), and others, and then I was almost dying in Wenatchee and someone was making toasts. People were joking about the beetles in my room, and finding other things to joke about and nothing was said or known about torture. My son's torture was far worse and I was made powerless to help him, in America. He was so tortured he was coming into visits tired and weak and with dark circles under his eyes. He tried to tell me what was wrong and then the State workers coerced him to lie and he was punished if he didn't lie to me. He also showed evidence of having been hypnotized.

Then I kept trying to get work and figured I would but things got very bad. I missed talking to Alvaro and/or missed something or someone and then at some point, it shifted after not talking for so long and then I sensed something else was going on too. It was a hard core and driven effort to have me jailed as many times as possible, charged as much as possible, kept out of work and out of unemployment, and an attempt to move me on to some man as well. It was unbelievable and then I was just systematically tortured. By the time I was at Steve May's house, it was every single day, almost all day. Before that, I was getting literally assaulted by people in the community while walking out in public or writing at a cafe. There were some who went out of their way to do it. But then I was at a house too, where it was constant. All of these people I had to stay with stole from me. The only one who didn't steal was the Royal Ranger guy. ALL of the others, stole from me. Actually, also this one woman's house who had the military boyfriends, no one stole from there, I don't believe. But that was it. Everyone else that I stayed with after Alvaro, stole from me. That was on top of the torture. Oh, and maybe Shannon didn't steal from me and I still have to get those things back but I had no place to store them before.

When Alvaro moved out, Mykal brought some boyfriend over and they played an alien movie and left it on every single night. They put dead spiders on the counter for me to see and just did some bizarre things. My silk engagement shirt was taken, a few other articles of clothing, and things.

Before this, with Alvaro, nothing was stolen except for my underwear. A lot of my underwear and he said we should move sometime. This guy from Morocco that I stayed with, at that apartment my work shirts were stolen repeatedly. My shirts for working at the Post Pub. Aside from that, it was my cell phones. Someone was constantly finding a way to steal my phone. Today, someone had to have taken it out of my back pocket and how I didn't know, I have no idea. They pickpocketed my cell from my jeans backpocket.

Everyone got away with it all.

The stealing wasn't even the worst of it, although Steve Mays stole and allowed others to steal everything from me, even personal photo albums. I knew he had invited police to look through all my things because I had an image of this. Of my belongings spread out on a table.

I am going to take a break and come back to this. All I know is that now I know a lot of the harassment and torture was because of concern about royal interest and maybe others being caught for things they'd done to me or my son, but I look back on the timing of when the "surges" were, for going after me, and they always coincide with some turning point or fear about me at some point, or wanting to solidify something. They did surges just like the military does. It was a driven concentrated effort and it involved criminal torture of both me and my son.

Back in a little bit.
I'm back. I went to a fast food place and then thought, "You complain about medication, poison, and you haven't learned?" I was standing there, wanting to order like any normal person and thought, "You are not being very smart. Go to a gas station." So I went to a gas station to buy things from packages, cans, bottles, and the like. I got (small selection): Red Bull, cashews, gardettos, fig newtons, cheetos, granola bar, snickers, fruit cocktail and a 5 hr. energy drink. I walked out or while still in the store the thought came to me, "keeping a vigil". And now I have to look up vigil bc I don't fully know what it is. I looked up "diana, on torture" out of curiosity, since I'm writing about torture of me and my son and wondered if any of hers was literal and then I found something by katie couric which I haven't read and I think I'll disagree with it and then a few other things. Something about Kate being more grounded than Diana. I could have been reading all these things and I never did.

I shut it all out, except for seeing a couple of clips about the Queen and randomly, photos of William in childhood. I guess I feel sorry for some things I wrote or said, not about disagreement of the marriage, but other things.

("I am not in love" I just got from someone out there in the universe. Probably a crossed wire)

I feel upset that I am being put through this right now, unable to write the way I might want to, or say the things I might want to say, or feel whatever I should feel, about my son, about torture, and about everything. I am still seriously medicated. I do not have any normal hair growth yet, at all, and this is a proof positive sign for me, combined with worse memory and cloudy and poorer eyesight and no creativity--it is a sure sign I am very seriously medicated.
I am doing the best I can, as someone surviving all these things and medication without my consent too.

I tried to get a phone with international calling and they were taken off of the shelves of every single store I went to. It was really bizarre, as if someone thought I might make a rush call tonight somewhere. Where? but all the stores that carry them took them down and put them in the back. I am not joking. I went to a ton of stores and the last one I went to, by the time I got there, every single one of the cell phones had been taken down. At the other stores, they only had nationwide calling phones available, but all the ones for international calls were put in the back. I know this because they were there and then all of a sudden when it became known I only wanted one with international calling, all the international phones were gone. I went from one end of Nashville to the other. Gone. So I didn't settle. I didn't buy anything at all and I won't until what I want is back on the shelf. I'm definitely not getting TracFone ever again.

I just read the article by Couric. I think her description of how Diana and Kate are different is exactly one of the reasons I don't think "she's the one". No one expects her to be Diana, but she's too normal. What is wrong with being slightly eccentric and interesting? It's like the world wants to fawn over the stable, staid, ordinary person who is not even interesting at all aside from her family having money and her looks and beautiful hands. It was a wonderful thing that Diana was not "acclimated" like Kate is. Kate is peer pressure conscious and has lived with her family the whole time almost. She does what she's told to do and has never shown any kind of independence in anything. That doesn't mean she's a bad person, but she's sort of boring and doesn't inspire anyone to do good works.

I have no frickin' clue why I'm suddenly sensing good energy again but I do. And it's really weird because I am saying criticisms but it must be right and someone out there must be agreeing in spirit because it is a very good feeling that has just come over me and it's not because I'm trying to be mean or elevate myself. I am only trying to be not to harsh but also honest with what I think.

Anyway, that's aside from the periphery concerns I have, about who is running the show in the background. And Kate may be "smart" but she isn't smarter than Diana. Diana was smarter and yet she had press that made her sound like a dimbulb at times because she tried to be modest and also had a different learning style. If Diana led a tortured life, it was because we can all thank God that she had a moral conscience and a backbone that she was able to bring out into the open later. Those who have a compass like that, might be tortured because others are afraid of this as it is challenging something. It is almost a good sign that she felt tortured. It might mean she was doing something right. As for being acclimated, Diana married young, but she had acclimated her entire life. She was raised around the royals and played with them as a little girl and went to their parties. It's not like she never knew was the spotlight was about. She was a clever, clever, girl. Also, Diana was grounded. If she hadn't been, she would have lost her mind after the first month. Even the fact that she looked at Katie Couric as if she had two heads, shows she was grounded. Slumber party? At age 30-something, in the "empty house"? Are you kidding?!!! Yeah, that's what she wanted--a sleepover with Snitches & Bitches. She wanted her SONS. This is where some of these journalists just get everything wrong. I understand her to some degree because we share the same Myers-Briggs make up and it's a rare personality. It doesn't mean it's unstable and nuts and fragile. She was stronger than Kate will ever be.

(And she wears her hats a lot better too. I just saw a side-by-side photo of Diana and Kate wearing these fluffy feathery things on their heads. It was on the website ANU where the writer doesn't speak english very well, but it's on an article about "Dodi warning kate to call off marriage" . On Kate it is sitting atop her head like a growth and on Diana, this hat is just...she was an artist and she knew symmetry. Kates hat is perched right on on top of her head and stands out with all these colors and things and Diana's blended in such a way the hat was not a piece of it's own work but the complement of the wearer--she is wearing a tan jacket and a white lace blouse that is high at the collar. Her hat is almost the color of her hair and just...I don't's stunning. Kate is not an artist. If she was, she would know how to pick out and wear a hat. I don't even know why she was told to major in Art History unless it was designed to put her in proximity with William. I guess he changed his major, so maybe it worked out that way but I still wonder.) She is an administrative type, which administrative types (most of the world) like. She will be a fine businesswoman and keep the whiskey inventory well. As for being a thrilling partner, good luck. I do not believe they are soulmates. I think they love eachother and are friends, but I do not believe they are soul mates. I'm sure she worked on a few things that helped with some matters of intimacy but I don't know. Between just not feeling she's the one and then all of the scary things that shadow whoever is connected and supporting this, I think it's a tragedy to allow those who enjoy torturing and harassing and killing others, to win in any form. All for the sake of pride and power. And, I guess, to have someone there who will maybe never thrill but will also not rock the boat. I feel sort of sorry for her in a small way because I don't even think this is her calling at all and yet I'm sure her whole family and others have pressured and coaxed it along. If William wasn't a prince, this relationship would have been over years ago. The only reason she stayed was because he was a prince in a royal family. And that is the honest truth.

I clicked back to the article by Katie Couric and saw the Queen is going to dub them of Cambridge which is no surprise. Didn't he used to play with his mother at Cambridge? It's a place with memories of his mother who went home to an empty house because she didn't move in with HER mother like Kate would be inclined to do. Kate will never go home to an empty house because she will be sure to follow all of the rules, is this correct?

The article by Katie Couric says Diana had "such a sadness" about her which is said as if it's wrong. Kate does not have a sadness about her, William does. He's getting married with PTSD. This is just a GRAND idea.

It's almost daylight and I'm going to have to get a cell phone today. I was talking to my mom and I was asking about cell phones and she said she had a 5 year contract and then when it expired she had to renew to a 2 year contract and now it's been 7 years. She said my Dad never had a 5 year contract and only got the 2 year contract. He's been signed up with them for just 2 years.
Hmmm, a whole bunch of people just came in. I think they had been drinking. I got my son a Thomas train and had an extra one which I was going to return because I had it shipped, but I have decided tonight that I'm keeping it. So I just took it out of the box and set it in front of me. It's a little wooden Thomas train. I decided to take it out because it helps me to feel closer to my son.
After I wrote the part about cell phone contracts and people came in, someone used military technology to torture me. It wasn't happening before that. Before that, it was peaceful and I sensed the Holy Spirit, not torture. But then I guess someone didn't like what I wrote and started this up.

I looked up Cambridge and saw the crest has two seahorses at the base which reminded me of something. Someone I knew liked seahorses.

I wrote to my aunt and asked her not to let my son see the royal wedding.

It would be a slap in the face. I feel, for any child that suffers or is tortured, along with his mother, having had proximity to those who could stand up and defend against evil, with even the knowledge they have alone, I feel it is a shame for my son to watch the expense and pomp that go into supporting criminals who backed this marriage.

I never want my son to see one of the reasons why he was refused visitation with his mother and why his mother was pursued to have her life permanently altered and ruined. "Do you remember when _______ happened Oliver?" It was over "this". Oliver, do you remember when your mother was promised you would see eachother whenever you wanted? when everyone started being nice to you? and then do you remember when people were mean to you again? it was over "this" and you were sold back into slavery and abandoned. No one stood up for you Oliver. No one who had power to stand up for you, ever did. Oliver, your mother suffered and almost died for you. She almost died for and over the royal family, more than once. Those men who patted you on the head or on the shoulders, not one of them ever reported child abuse and trafficking to anyone. Not one of the military men ever confessed to what they had done to your mother or who was paid to harm your mother. And Oliver, some people know who is responsible and your mother doesn't want you to look in and see those people at attendance for this wedding. Instead, I want you to imagine your mother is squeezing your hand and looking straight ahead. Your mother is with you in Spirit and will not pay respect to those who have not respected the value of life enough to voice their opposition to torture, corruption, and murder.
Even if I have a place in my heart for some of the royals just because I ended up caring a little.

Some of these officials know and they stand in assembly in England as two families take vows to eachother and to whomever they hold contracts with.

As for my own country and the President and those in intelligence, how could you and how is it possible for you to even conduct business as usual.

I'm not going to publish the names of people I worked with while being tortured here unless I'm fired and even then, I don't know if the names are accurate. If it sounds strange that I still want to work, I need the work. They are Catholic, Jewish, and military connected with one man having a Colombia connection as well.

My family wanted to help me pay off a college debt so I could get back into college this year but someone else interferred knowing it might make me look productive and as if there was hope. The people instructing my family have deprived us of any hope. Our hope is in God and it will be a miracle if He saves us. No one in this country yet has done a thing.

Why am I doped up right now as I speak?

If this was a good country, why am I on medications without my family knowing about it (they say) and without my consent? I have been used and experimented with. If I do not find a lab in the U.S. that will objectively test me for unknown substances, I am leaving this country to be tested somewhere else.

British people were around when I was doped up last. I saw them watching me and heard their accents and saw the looks of relief when they believed finally someone was able to dope me up. That was at the Holiday Express off of Broadway. I knew something was wrong and then it was too late. My mother and my aunt started trying not to cry about that time too. Possibly because something was going down and they knew it. I don't think it was all happening there but it had to have been coffee from the Holiday Express, a salad and salad dressing or salsa from work, or pancakes plate at McDonalds. There was no other place where I took food from and all of a sudden, I went from starting to get normal energy back, and being righteously angry, and remembering all my orders, to doped up. There was an immediate effect and it has lasted a month almost. I think I got another round somewhere too, but don't know when although, oddly enough, I felt strange after eating the tootsie roll and dots, but I don't know if the sugar just triggered something to kind of kick in again.

I have no special insights today. I sort of had an impression of someone holding out a bracelet or necklace with equally sized "o's", holding it end to end without its being fastened.

I just looked at the cnn page which has William and Harry in the carriage and that's all I'm going to look at. I saw he is wearing red and I got one small thing 2 days ago, that he was wearing a bright red but it didn't make sense bc I didn't imagine red for a wedding. But I saw a bright red. I don't really know if I thought it was on Harry or William but I believe I thought William. But that was it. Didn't get anything else. Haven't asked about Middleton's dress and I have no clue and I haven't tried to guess. I asked to see something about William and I saw red and thought it might be for the wedding. I actually had this come to mind a long time ago, not super long, but awhile ago, and then thought, no, probably not. I wonder what Harry is thinking.

I like Beatrice, Eugenie.

That's all for now.

I have no idea what is going to happen when the medication wears off because I am not taking any risks at all now. I don't know if what I was doped with is going to last a month or 3 months. I have made vows before, not to eat this or that, but I will be very true to my vow this time. For one full month I will not eat a single thing that I don't choose myself, from a supermarket. Nothing out in the open. I was thinking it was even stupid of me to eat Krispy Kreme donuts when anyone could put something in one and give it to me. I am just not eating a thing like that.

I went to CNN once more to find something to comment on and they put it on another photo, of William and Harry standing outside the carriage in a hall with some pastors. I will say this: They look very nice. I think that I like the red black and white too because I remember my son looked very well after some man visited or played with him who was tall with dark brown hair and wearing those colors. I thought, "If Oliver just waved at that man like that, and was so happy to see him, he must have had contact with my son and was good to him." Out of all the people Oliver came across at the State office for a visit with me, he perked up the most noticeably with that man, whoever he was. I was thankful to see that. I like all the other colors too of course. I tried to get my son a red, black and white race boat and they told me it wasn't available and forced me to get something else. But I got my son the red, black, and white racer shoes and refused to buy any of the ones I found in the store because they were all navy blue and not what he wanted so I held out and got him other ones. Anyway. And I almost bought him a bright red jogging suit and looked at it for a long time at Macy's. I sure hope William and Harry were not squeezing hands in that carriage because how weird if I wrote about my son imagining squeezing my hand seated next to me and that's what they were doing then. I think I wrote this, about squeezing my son's hand, at around 3:30 a.m.

I am wearing 3 black shirts today.

I was wearing a black turtleneck with blue jeans yesterday and then I was sitting at a bus bench and got cold and added on my second black shirt--one with the loops that got looks when I wore it at the restaurant. And then I put another thicker black turtleneck over that one and was warm.

I spent all night in The Embassy Hotel like this, without any make up on, junk food snacks, and a Thomas the Train sitting on the computer dash. I'm about to go to the gym and shower and wear the same thing.