Saturday, April 30, 2011


Someone is taking a small tree or a bush or plant from the soil. It's 12:08 p.m. and I was hoping to write some things and be directed by God to what I should be directed to.

I had this sudden impression, of someone digging around and pulling something from the dirt. I was just talking to someone about gardening earlier today though so maybe that's why. She said she liked to garden and we talked about this and then she asked if I liked to garden. I said I did, but hadn't been able to for a long time because of having no place for it.

I told her I just liked to putter a little though, and didn't want to be tilling or anything. She said she and her husband are landscaping and I said I liked having a kitchen garden next to the kitchen door where I could step out in the middle of cooking and cut basil or grab organic tomatoes. So I had an herbal and organic kitchen garden that I loved and I planted flowers and a juniper tree. Other than that, I like very large potted gardens on verandas. They are small projects too but I like having large things in large pots and maybe a few smaller ones. I once had a veranda that I put more into than the interior of my apartment.

I miss having a place of my own and this country has really done me in. Today I realized though, it's not the majority of the people in this country. It's people at the top who shouldn't be there, who have infiltrated all intelligence and justice system occupations to outnumber the common people and control them with their influence.

When I had a house, I kept a kitchen garden and gardened to classical music every single Sunday that it was nice out. It was my own tradition.

When I was younger, my family had an acre in gardens.

This is the song I wanted: Hosanna by Hillsong. Thank goodness it came on.

We have photos of the porch and wheelbarrow and all of these things, full of huge squash, zucchini, pumpkins, honeydew, watermelon, tomatoes, peppers of every color, cucumber, carrots, lettuce, corn, and every imaginable fruit, vegetable, and berry. Strawberries, blueberries (not too many years of those) and raspberries. I grew up running my cars and trucks and vehicles through the dirt in the garden, making roads, tunnels, and bridges. And our chore (for me and my brother) was to weed and take care of the garden.

I helped take rocks out of the garden, make paths for irrigation, plant seeds, and care for the plants. I took the hose out to fill up the irrigation paths and turned it off. I ate carrots raw from the garden. If I wanted a snack, I went out and picked it. I ate corn raw. Snap peas. Peppers.

It never left me because I then found it relaxing and nice to have a kitchen garden. At one time, I had an entire section in my kitchen, the walk-way, filled with clay pots, ceramic pots, peat pots and trays, seeds, trowel and all my tools, and my garden gloves. I had every room filled with green plants. I believed the more plants indoors, the better because of the oxygen exchange. I probably had about 40-50 plants in a small bungalow house that I owned.

Then I had my porch garden when I had an apartment and couldn't garden outdoors. I bought huge pots and then went to a garden place and bought an enormous red rosebush, a huge spring green tinted white hydrangea, laurel, white camilla and gardenia and jasmine and a tall and wide juniper tree. The juniper did really well in the pot but not as well outdoors because the soil had too much clay. The juniper is the only tree I've ever planted.

In my room at the apartment, I had a large solid white lace that I laid over the bedspread. I had a dried acorn and wood beaded curtain at the doorway. All the colors were white, cream, and natural wood tones. I had candles everywhere and then a slightly peach colored rug over the apartment carpeting and green plants indoors and no fake flowers except for a small pot of real-appearing magnolias. I had a wood easle that I set up in the corner of my room, which was tall, and I had an old watercolor that was framed and I had bought at an antique store, held by the easle. My oil paints were under my bed in a box. I had sheer white material for my windows and a few throw pillows. Some were cream colored or slightly gold and satin in appearance, others white, and one was a pale salmon rose color tapestry with cream colored tassles and shaped in a longer roll which I used under my head when reading. I had all of my books for nazi research lined up along the hallway that led to my room, stacked up from the library. It was just some tangent I went on out of curiosity. My potted garden was the most impressive. I then strung small white lights throughout the tree and large bushes. These were bushes and trees that stood 4-5 feet tall and then I had some smaller plants staggered and put out a tall mosaic table with two wire chairs and then at some point, other chairs and a glass coffeetable was added. My housemate had the gadgets, like huge screen T.V. that was newly off the market. I cared about the garden and art. When she cooked, she cooked enchiladas. When I cooked, I cooked for an Army. I didn't know how to paint small or cook small. Things kept growing and I always needed more room.

I was thinking about this and about all of the things that have been taken from me. Of all the things that were stolen, my photo albums and pictures were the most precious. I was thinking about how I haven't been able to garden or do anything that I enjoy because of jealousy.

Then I sat down at this computer with no idea what I was going to write about. I have to find a place that will do forensic testing of unknown substances but before this I put on music and then I was listening to the song about "greater things are yet to be done in this city" and how I used to pray for Portland, Oregon, where all my problems started, every single time I drove across one of the bridges. I had made a promise to God one day, that every single time I crossed that bridge, I would pray a prayer for Portland, Oregon and all the people there. And every single time I drove across it, I remembered my promise and would say at least, "God please help the people here and bless Portland" or "God please turn the people in Portland to you", "God let there be a revival in Portland," and "God please keep me safe because some of these people in Portland hate me. Forgive them." I think I maybe didn't pray a couple of times, when I was upset, but almost every single time. It was the only promise I made to God, for doing something on a continual basis, at that time. I kept this promise for the full 4-5 years I lived there. And I drove across it a lot too, but I can't remember which one it is now. They have a ton of bridges there. I guess I can look it up on a map. I just looked it up. It was the Marquam Bridge. One of the main ones.

I thought about this and how I had faithfully prayed for a City that was instrumental in first constructing horrible designs against me and implementing those designs wherever I went. And I had prayed and prayed for them. I prayed for them when I was crossing the bridge and could hardly see out the window because someone had stripped my windshield wipers from the rubber things that go on them to keep the rain off the windshield. Someone did this several times. I had people slashing my tires, vandalising my car, ruining the inside of my car, stealing clothing from me all of a sudden, running into me in hit-and-runs during my litigation against a major publication (newspaper) and the Mt. Angel and Archdiocese lawsuits.

So I thought about Portland when I heard that song and then I clicked to Oswald Chambers and randomly tried a different website for reading a daily message there. I didn't look first, just scrolled down and clicked and got one called "The Official Web Site of Oswald Chambers" and it says "Read today's Utmost" and it gives two options: In English (with the English flag) and In Welsh (with the Welsh flag) and I was going to click to a different one but then thought, they need God too and are part of whatever God is doing in my life because I can't get away from it, even when I try.

Then I heard the song Hosanna and saw someone digging something up to move it somewhere else. I read the Chambers selection and it's about Love and the spontaneity of love. How, if we love God, we don't plan out everything but some things we just do out of not even knowing why but because we love God. And how if we try to match up to the verses about how love is patient, love is kind, etc., we won't fit the bill because it's not natural to us but God can be love in us, causing a flow of actions or thoughts or words that come from the Holy Spirit.

I decided to click on something, or find something that might be something to read, from the 1st Presbyterian church and decided to randomly find something and I chose page 3 of options, not with the plan to pick that one but just did and then scrolled down and picked something else out randomly and got a site and clicked on it and the first thing to come up was "Conspiracy Theory". I thought, "What is a church site writing about regarding conspiracy?" and went back to look at it and I had to scroll down to read the rest of the words because all I could see was "Conspiracy Theory" and then it said, "The Life Of Joseph." It said to click on it to learn more and has a pastor named Richard Gibbons in a black jacket, blue shirt, and red with white polka dot tie.

What the ____?! I read his clip and he writes,

"Have you ever felt that life is conspiring against you?
Have you been looking for hope and direction?
In the old testament story of Joseph, we discover a man who is tested in extraordinary ways and yet is stronger as a result. In the beginning, Joseph's life showed very little promise: the youngest of 13 children, a dreamer who was hated by his brothers. So where did Joseph get the qualities of integrity, leadership, and godliness that enabled him to change from being a slave to being the Prime Minister of Egypt? Join us each Sunday as we see God conspiring to work in the life of Joseph. 1st Presbyterian is where change begins."

I am not sure where he gets Prime Minister. That sounds very UK to me and it's from S. Carolina. Anyway, that was interesting.

Then the next thing I did was go to a random page on page 7 and then to a random post and I clicked on it and it's First Presbyterian church in rapid city, SD with a pastor Bob Evans and a light shining through a grail into the dark. It's stained glass but looks like the grate above a prison to me. It made me think of a prison like that which Joseph was in.

Then out of curiosity I went to a 21st page for 1st assembly of god and it combined these elements and then something about the address of W. Pelton Sherman and I thought about my mom and how she sent this sermon to me from kathy pelton (which actually made me think about pelting) and the very minute I thought about my mom, she called on the dot.

So I have to go for a minute to talk.

I talked to my mom and told her about some of these things and about how the one site made me think of a dungeon with Joseph or of Daniel in the lion's den. Then I prayed to God after I was off the phone, just now, and turned to a page in my Bible, landing on, "They are like a lion hungry for prey, like a great lion crouching in cover. Rise up, O Lord, confront them, bring them down; rescue me from the wicked by your sword. O Lord, by your hand save me from such men, from men of this world whose reward is in this life. You still the hunger of those you cherish; their sons have plenty, and they store up wealth for their children. And I--in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness." Psalms 17:12-15. Then I read to the next few verses of the next psalm and it's about "I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my Rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my God is my Rock, in whom I take refuge." Second time today I read a verse about God being the rock.

I found out my mom was planning to plant bulbs today, which is something that came to mind today. She picked them up from my aunt while they were visiting and she was going to plant them after work. She said she was planting lilies and I wouldn't have thought lilies for some reason. And then I found out my Dad is leading a worship group tomorrow night. It's been drawing in a lot of people from different areas, to worship and I didn't even know they were doing this. I just found out my brother joined a worship too, about a week ago. I guess this worship team is a group of people that have been getting together for a few months now and it's grown and they just bring different instruments and worship God.

Skillet's "Rest". I don't know this band so I just looked them up on wiki. I clicked on "Petra" for a music style on Pandora and then kept skipping through songs until I got to this one and wanted to listen to it. Then I looked them up and they're from Memphis, TN and there is a photo of them playing at "cornerstone" in 2010. The song is from an album called "Invincible". Then I listened to Audio Adrenaline's "Ocean Floor" from Lift but there is a boy that is making a muscle next to the lyrics. On the other album by Skillet, it's a cover of a boy standing there holding a wire with a plug. Like pulling out a cord from the wall or getting ready to plug something in. The next one I got was with a photo of a boy making a muscle. They both made me think of my son.

I listened to some more Hillsong and then requested Skillet.

"The Last Night" by Skillet, which made me pause and then I had my Bible in front of me turned to Psalm 17 and 18 and I read the rest of Psalm 18. Suddenly, picking up from where I had left off in the psalm, I saw "The cords of death entangled me" and things came to me differently. Then "Three Days" album by Skillet with the song "Break" and then "Again" by Flyleaf on Memento Mori. Then "Breaking Benjamin" on Phobia. I was going for worship but there is a place for the other music too, if it has a message and I'm finding these songs to have good messages and I came upon them for a reason. "Better Than Drugs" by Skillet on album Comatose. "Shine Down" by Disciple on Disciple. "Smackdown" by 1,000 foot krutch on Welcome to the Masquerade. "Halfway Gone" by Lifehouse on Smoke and Mirrors. "Confession" (what's inside my head) by Red on Innocence and Instinct. "One Real Thing" by Skillet on Alien Youth. I think I like the first album of Skillet best, based on a couple of songs. "The Art of Breaking" by 1000 Foot Krutch on The Art of Breaking. "Pillar" where do we go from here, break me down. "Waiting" by Fireflight on Healing. I like the build-up on the waiting song. "Energy" by Skillet on Collide. "Crawl" Breaking Benjamin on Dear Agony.

I don't mind hearing this now and then because there is a time and place for everything. There is a reason I ended up on this today. "All Around Me" Flyleaf, Flyleaf. "Rebirthing" by Skillet on Comatose. "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns. "Hosanna" by Hillsong.

Went to I clicked on a link for a random assembly of god church and got this site. This is the address but all that will come up is the top and something at the bottom. At the bottom it shows, "passionate, real, multicultered, christ-centered..." but nothing is coming up on the rest of the page except what's at the top. Just red top lines for home, who we are, and heart and vision. and it's from cleveland, lydeburg, OH.


Anonymous said...

I'm sure with the world as big as it is, someone is digging a tree or something.

Anonymous said...